Toni and Ryan - Lara Bingle!

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Things you can say on the Golf Course and in the Bedroom, I get yelled at by a waiter, and LARA BINGLE. Love ya! T x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello? Hi. Hi, is that Brandy? It is. It is. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you?

I'm well. How are you? We're well. Hi, Brandy. It's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you guys too. Now, Brandy, I've been told that even considering our podcast has lots of swearing in it, that we need to be very careful with you on the phone because no one swears more

than you in all of your whole time zone. Is that correct? I don't know about my whole time zone, but yeah, I do swear a lot. My kids swear too now. I swore a lot as a kid because my family's super loose. So I can relate to that, Brandy. Now, what city do we find you in today? Yeah, thanks very much. I am in Easton, Massachusetts. It's like, I don't know, like 30 minutes south of Boston. It's like white suburbia.

Well, Brandy, it's so nice to chat to you, and we actually just wanted to know if we could get some approval from you before we get started today. Oh, fuck yeah. I totally approve the podcast. I was more excited for this phone call than for my husband to come home, and I haven't seen him in a year. So, like, fuck yes, I approve. First of all, a year?

A year? What's happened? Did you think he was dead? Yeah, what happened? Is he dead? What? No. He's in the military.

He was deployed. So I haven't seen him in a year. And he comes home next Friday and I'm like more excited for this than I am for him. And he doesn't know that. But he listens. So he's going to hear it. He's going to hear it. He's going to hear it. Well, first of all, can I just say thank you for, you know,

for his service. Do we say that even though we're not American? No, don't say that. He doesn't like that. Okay, well, I'll cut that out. I'll cut that out. In fact, I actively do not thank him. I hate that he works for the military.

One thing I will say, though, is that we like to do things you love to see. Yeah. Nothing does me more than when, like, the military mum or dad comes back and surprises the family and they all hug and cry and stuff. And, like, the kids are, like, so excited to see their dad or their mum for the first time in ages. It gets me going every single time.

What about you? Does that get your heart going as well? It does, yeah. We're going to do that for his mother. Oh Does that get your heart going as well? It does, yeah. We're going to do that for his mother. Oh, I was going to say as well, make sure you film it. Put it on TikTok. You'll go viral. You'll be famous.

He won't have to work in the military anymore. Amazing. All right, well, you have a great weekend, and thanks again for your support. We really appreciate it. Oh, and enjoy fucking your husband next week. Oh, thank you. I'll try.

This is Brandi from Massachusetts, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. We have some sad news to share from Adelaide with one of the tapas. Tony doesn't know about this yet. I'll explain that in about five or six minutes. But, Tony, don't make any joke about it until you know what it is, please. Okay. Well, I don't want this to be the second time this week someone's yelled at me because I got a story about a waiter.

What happened? Someone yelled at me in a restaurant. You got judged in a Uber yesterday? I'm very embarrassed. Why are people attacking you? I don't know. Why are they trying to tear you down? I can't be the problem, surely.

Am I the drama? Are you the drama? Oh, my God. This week, though, as well as being in the bedroom, we would like to head to the golf course. Beautiful day for it. So this is things you can say on the golf course and also in the bedroom.

I actually think I'm just going to do this with the boys this weekend. Who would you say that to? Well. Actually, I've done explained it. Yeah. Why do you say that to? Well... Actually, I don't explain it. Yeah. Why do you fuck my jokes? You hate me. I do.

I don't. I love you. Things you can say on the golf course in the bedroom. Oh, that didn't go as long as I thought it would. I've always been curious what way do you swing people do actually ask me that all the time I can tell you'd be really good at this by the way you grip it I am

people forget you need to drink heaps of water while you're hitting this Oh I can I can barely see the hole through the bush I don't know how this will go because I've lost my balls. Things you can say on the golf course or if you were my dog. Rest in peace, these balls. Gee, this seems a lot easier when you're watching professionals do it on TV. They never get the wrong hole. No.

Always boom. Do I need a membership here or can I just pay as I go? Pay as I come. Are we playing the front or the back today? Oh, both. How nice for us. You have to pay extra for that. Oh, I just love a freshly mowed grain.

Don't we all? Oh, Tony, you've got a lot of power in those hips. Thanks. Do you always wear gloves? My wife hates it when I spend my Saturday afternoons with this lot. Now, what you want to do is square up your hips and really relax into it and just wrap your hands around the shaft of the club. Oh, did you have to look me in the eyes and do the hand motion

when you did that? Yeah, I did. Yeah, okay. That was a choice. Tickling your golf balls. Oh, sorry, mate. Only rich private school boys are allowed to put it in this hole. So now I know which way you swing.

My friend said this one took them four goes, but I got it in one. It's a par four. Today, I'm going hard, I'm going all in, and I hope I don't finish up with a handicap. Oh, my God. Which club should you use for this hole? The wood. Oh, the iron.

Oh, no. Too hot. One-on-one today or should we play with a group? Oh! I'm going to go off ahead because I'm ready to finish this hole. Can you just finish up here yourself? I've actually said that before. Where?

Not at the golf course. You'd just be playing mini golf, mate, and that's all right. No shame. Lots of shame. It wouldn't be a Saturday afternoon if there wasn't a whole bunch of old blokes coming up from behind me. Wouldn't be a Saturday afternoon if there wasn't a whole bunch of old blokes coming up from behind me. Wouldn't it? So I can't really see the hole from here.

Should I just grab the wood swing hard and see if I get close? Why, how far away is she? About 426 yards. Where is she? About 426 yards. All right. Tony, we need to make a phone call. Okay.

Do I have to apologise for the horrible things I've just said? Well, obviously. But you might need to make another apology as well. And like I said before, don't make any jokes until you hear what's happened to our friend Lara. Oh my god. Okay. Let her explain and then you decide what you need to do from here. Why do I do this?

Hello? Oh hi, is that Lara? Yes, it is. Hey, it's Ryan John here. I'm with Tony Lodge. She doesn't actually know why I'm calling yet, though. She doesn't? No, she's here. Hi, Lara.

I'm so nice to meet you. I'm so sorry. So I just told Tony that we need to call and apologise and she doesn't know why. What have I done? Just yet. What have I done? Do you want to tell Tony what she did to you?

Why she's such a horrible person and she absolutely destroyed my life. Yeah. Can you let her know and then we'll, you know, the consequences, we'll see how we go. Yeah. Okay. So what happened? I was driving along, writing my business,

listening to your podcast, as you do, obviously. Obviously. Can't go without it. Best thing to ever happen to me. Apparently not. Well, until last week. Until now. Yeah.

Yeah, and you were meowing away at the end of the podcast, laughing my ass off about it. I rear-ended someone and I had a crash. You crashed your car because of Tommy. Lara, I'm so sorry. Is it really bad? I mean, I can still drive the car. It just looks like when you see those people driving around who are like absolute fuckwits with their broken cars and you're like, why haven't you fixed that?

Yeah, I'm one of those people now. Yeah, I've seen the photos. I'll show you. I've got the email with the pictures. But I think on behalf of everyone, and not to steal Tony's material, but did insurance cover that? Thanks, police. Yes. Okay, great. Great, good to know. was the person that you ran into angry lara because i can only imagine that if you run into the back of someone they're like not happy and that if you had to say oh sorry i was listening

to this podcast you should give it a listen actually like how did they respond to that advertisement honestly they were really chill about it. I got the sweetest person ever. It was so lucky considering it was my first crash in my super long history and career of driving. Yeah, so it wasn't a big deal. Oh, Lara, well, I'm really, really sorry. But obviously it would be incredibly rude for me to not offer.

Ryan can take care of any of the damages for you. Kenny! Yeah, you can. Kenny! Mate, you're not going to do it. You're going to tell Lara that you're not going to help her out. Do you want me to pay or physically do it because you know how handy I am? You're lucky you're rich.

I called Tony's partner to help me turn off my modem and turn it back on again the other week, so just to fill everybody in. No. Lara, what I will say though, email me either a workplace or a house and there'll be some flowers arriving at your house later on today. Yeah, as a bit of a sorry. Oh my god guys, thank you. And a bit of a don't

sue us. There'll be a contract to sign before you receive the flowers. An NDA, don't. Well, Lara, we're really sorry, but glad that you're listening and loving it, and Ryan might buy you a new car. What the fuck? That'd be great. No, don't mind me.

That's what Lara wants. I prefer her to, in her own words, drive around like one of those fuckwits. Oh, my God. Lara's been in a bingle. That's an Australian joke, Lara Bingle. If you're not in Australia, Google Lara Bingle. If you are, you already know. We're the bloody hell Kaya.

Give me a fucking podcast. Give her a podcast. Lara, enjoy the rest of your day. The flowers are on the way, okay? Thank you so much, guys. Absolute legends. Love you so much. Love you. Bye. This is Brandy from legends. Love you so much. Love you.

Bye. This is Brandy from Massachusetts, and you are listening to Tony and Ryan. On tomorrow's show, we're going to find out a lot about you listening because of what job you do. Because your job sets a lot of assumptions about who you are as a person. It does. It definitely does. So on tomorrow's show, what your work says about you.

Oh, okay. Prepare to be judged by strangers on the internet. All right. So I've been thinking about reading out these champion tarpa's names. What is the biggest song in the world right now? Dua Lipa, Elton John. Okay. Cold Heart.

I don't know that. Adele. Easy on me. Easy on me. Yep. They're top two in the world. All right. Number one in the US and the UK is Adele at the moment.

All right. Ready? He works on the radio. He knows his stuff. Yeah. Okay, mate. Kristen, Paige, Kevin Williams, Ian Kilkenny, then Donnie, thank you. They're our champion toppers, baby.

I thought that was quite good. I'm trying to mix it up. Any more? I can make it work. Go. Go. Leah Foday, Matt Dwyer, Nathan Donner, Hugh Ryan Nielsen, Tracina Cisneros and Emma Farker.

Emma who? Then Sean Van Gorder, Peyton Davis. That was beautiful. Thank you. I like that. Thanks. I've wasted all my names for the rest of the podcast this week. I'll find some more.

Hey, thank you to our champion tapas for supporting us. Thank you to our champion tapas. We appreciate it. Thanks for taking it easy on us, baby. For being a Patreon, you get to be one of the approvers. Yes. You get a bonus episode that came to be one of the approvers. Yes. You get a bonus episode that came out last week. To a month. To a month.

Yeah. And you get your name sung at you by Tony Lodge. Yeah, I mean, that's the gift. So last week I went out for breakfast. Well, brunch with my boyfriend and a couple friends of ours to dim sum. Ooh. Like yum cha, whatever you call it. It's just like Chinese breakfast, but it's a la carte.

So they kind of bring things out on carts and you pick what you want and they say, oh. Is that what they call a la carte? Isn't that a la carte? I thought a la carte just meant ordering off the menu. Oh, I thought a la carte was like on a cart. I mean, it makes sense. I get it.

But is that too simple? Yeah, have I just said something really dumb? Because now that you say that, I'm like, oh, it sounds really obvious. Hang on. Let me Google it. Let me Google it. Because I know yum cha is when they come around with the little trolleys and they hook you up and it's awesome because they come around

and they go, oh, do you like the look of this? And you're like, hell yeah, I do. Put it on the table, son. Oh, my God. No, you're right. Oh, my God. What an idiot're right. Oh, my God. What an idiot. I'm an idiot.

Anyway. We had Allah Kart. Well, it is Allah Kart because it's on a kart. The kart's name was Allah. This is Allah Kart. This is Allah the kart. Welcome. Anyway, so it's not Allah Kart.

So you're having a yum cha. Yum cha. So they come around with the trolleys and they've got all, like, the steamers in the thing and they say, we've got, like, xiaolongbao, it's like soup dumplings or shumai or whatever and you get what you want as it comes around. Yep. It was the four of us.

And when we made the booking, because with COVID, you could only stay at places for, like, there's, like, time limits on bookings. You arrive at this time and you need to leave by this time. Yeah, and our booking was for two hours. Yep. So we'd sat down and we were chatting and laughing and carrying on or whatever and drinking tea and eating all this food.

And I love dim sum and so does my partner, Torbs. It's like we love going and we don't go a lot because it can be pretty pricey. Yeah, well, they keep coming around with the trolley. You keep saying yes. They keep adding to your bill. It's like when you go to Sushi Train and you just keep grabbing the plates and then all of a sudden you're like, holy moly, we spent $200. I wouldn't know that feeling.

It sounds pretty nice, mate. Anyway, so we were just like ordering stuff and because we really like it, we've got specific things that we really like to get. So I really like the like tempura squid that they do with salt and pepper and chili on it. Yes, yeah. That chili squid, it's so yum. Delicious.

And normally it comes around as part of the thing. It hadn't come around yet. And we'd probably been there for about an hour and 20 minutes. So we still had 40 minutes to go. We were like. But by that stage, if there's one thing in particular that you're craving, expecting, do you kind of go like like, give them a nod or? Well, yeah.

So I was like, okay, cool. Like, we've got heaps of time left. Maybe we'll just ask for some squid. This waiter that we had, like, so he was, like, I think maybe one of the managers, and he was walking around. He came over to us straight away and was, like, cracking jokes about, like, not bringing us tea. And, you know, we just, he was kind of chilling and he was real cruisy.

Quite personable. Really personable, like cracking all these jokes. And then about halfway through, so we're at about the hour point, he came over and I was like, oh, could we just grab a few glasses of water? And he just all of a sudden like went really weird. And I was like, oh, sorry, like if you don't have time, it's really fine.

And he was like, no, it's fine. And I was like, whoa, he'd been like really friendly't have time, it's really fine. And he was like, no, it's fine. And I was like, whoa. He'd been like really friendly. You can't ask a waiter for a glass of water? Well, I thought that was like really normal. I was like, if you've only got bottled water, like I'll pay for it. It's fine. It's not a money issue.

It's about you're at a restaurant and you're asking a guy to do his job. I know. And I was just like, could we just grab a few glasses of water? And he was like, how many do you want? What? And after this guy had been like cracking jokes, it was really nice. So I was like, this is obviously fine. Yeah.

Anyway, and then like five minutes later, I'm like, we need the squid. The squid hasn't come around yet. We really want it. Yeah. I like, when he came back with the water, I said, would we be able to order some squid? Like it hasn't come around yet and we, you know, we love it. It's our favourite thing.

Did you just guise it with a compliment? And I was just like, oh, and I've heard the squid. He's amazing. Perfect. Yeah, he did. Yeah, I've seen a compliment. Yeah, of course. Good on you, man.

Well played. And he was just like, squid. And I was like, oh, yeah? And you know me. I'm so awkward. And I was just like. I was going to say, did he bring out an eggplant parlor instead? He's like, I heard you love snails.

He was like, did he bring out an eggplant parlor instead? He's like, I heard you love snails. He was like, squid. And I was like, oh, yeah, if you've got some, if it's on the go, if you don't have any, it's totally fine. It was on the menu though. Yeah, it's on the menu. So I was like, I know you've got the fucking squid. Yeah, I've been here before, mate. I've had the squid.

That's why I'm back. Yeah. Anyway, and he goes, oh, I guess so. So he like, he ducks off and he was like, he kind of yelled. He was like a bit rude. What do you mean? Hang on. What do you mean kind of yelled?

So he was just like, squid. And I was like, oh, yeah, if that's right. And he was like, oh, well, yeah, like I'll just go talk to them. Who's them? You are them. You are them. You're part of that. You are them.

You are this place. I know. And so he goes off and we were still chilling and I was like, oh, my God, are we like overstaying our welcome or something? Did you say squid or squids? Squids games. Maybe that's why you fucked him off. And then we also hadn't gotten any custard buns.

You know the like bao buns with like the oozy custard in the middle? If you're not having squid, if you're not having custard buns, what are you even doing there? Exactly. You might as well have stayed at home and had toast. Veggie bun and toast, mate. Don't worry about it. Exactly.

I wouldn't have bothered anyone. Got my own water. Yeah. Anyway, so then he walks past again and I was like, hey, I'm really sorry but, like, no, custard buns have come past. Are we able to order some of those as well? Because you know how they're like ticket, like the docket is on the table and they just fill it in as you order stuff?

Yeah. And he was just like, are you serious? What? And I was just like, what? And he goes, there's another seating coming in in two minutes and you're ordering stuff now and like fully like sends it. And I was like. And had your squid arrived by then?

No, no. So the thing you previously ordered still hadn't turned up. Still hadn't turned up. And the custard buns hadn't come yet. And I'm like really not a difficult person in a restaurant. But I was like we're sitting, we're like I'm fucking paying for it. Like it's not, you know. I know you ain't a charity.

The whole deal is I turn up, I ask you for food, you give it to me, I give you money. That's what this whole thing is. Thank you. So we're supposed to be there for a two-hour booking. Then he goes. It's 1.58. Then he goes, we were about an hour and a half in,

just under an hour and a half. He goes, there's another sitting coming in now. You're only allowed to stay here for an hour and a half. What? So cue me feeling like the biggest fucking asshole. So you thought it was two hours? Well, on the text message that Torbs had gotten, it was like, cool, two-hour sittings, but it was only an hour and a half.

And then because we'd been chatting, we didn't realise that all the waiters around us were clearing tables and people were kind of getting up to leave. Tony, you didn't read the room. Well, no-one had told us. We were just chatting and eating. They told you with their actions when they were cleaning up around you. But we didn't realise.

And then I felt like the biggest arsehole because I'm thinking, wow, this guy's pretty rude. He's really trying to wrap us up. But actually because we were supposed to leave. So maybe he was well within his rights for the attitude. Is that what you're suggesting? So he actually just brought the squid and custard buns over in a takeaway container and, like, shooed us out of the restaurant.

So it was your fault all along. Yeah, but I didn't realise. I still don't like his attitude, though. But it was really, I was just like, why wouldn't you just say, hey, guys, we actually need you to get out of here in 10 minutes? Yeah. Like, no-one said anything. Were the squid and custard balls in separate containers

or did you just mush them all in together? He's like, you've got a chilli custard bun. No, get the fuck out of here. I didn't love to see that. Well, I spent the majority of that story feeling sorry for you and now after I've learnt some more information, maybe I'm changing my tune. Yeah, I wish we'd had more information at the time as well.

You can imagine me, though. I was a wreck. I was like, oh, my God, I've put this guy out. I feel so bad. And then we're standing at the front of the restaurant, like, waiting for an Uber, and I was like, oh, my God, I just feel really, really bad that we were sitting there and like clunking up the restaurant.

You haven't had a good run at restaurants, have you? What do you mean? Well, you had the Palmer. Oh, the Palmer. Armageddon. Then you had this. Armageddon? Next week, who knows?

If Tony comes into a restaurant near you, fuck it. Tell her to get out. Run. You know what I love to see? Oh, tell me. As someone who's been accused of making car crash radio for many years of my professional career. What's car crash radio?

Oh, just if something's so bad, you're like, oh, what a car crash. Oh, like not being good at your job. Yeah. Yeah, we can all relate. You are bad at your job. Thank you. To actually create car crash radio and hear that Lara Bingle crashed her car whilst listening to our podcast,

I know it's not what car crash radio means, but it just really felt nice to flip the script. Yeah. And despite the... Maybe that's what we intended. Yeah. It's not. It's not.

No, actually, Lara, I meant to crash your car. No, don't say that. That's horrible. But I do love to see how much of a legend Lara was and I love to see that people are actually lolling out loud to this point where they'll crash their car. I know. And also, Lara loves to see that you're going to buy her a new car.

She's already emailed and said, here's my address, here's some photos and my insurance details. Good. I want to see the photos. We'll have to share them in the group. Make sure you blur her number plate for privacy reasons. Okay. Okay, good call.

Something that I love to see, there is a Reddit thread called, like, Complain About Work or Complaining About Work. I don't know what it's called. Anyway, Work Bitching or something. It's, like, got a great name and I can't remember it. I'm an idiot because I'm the arsehole. Anyway, am I the arsehole? Yes.

So there's this Reddit thread and it's all these people complaining about, like, crappy jobs that they've had. And everybody's worked in a crappy job where they've gone, like, can't wait to, like, rinse that from the brain. This guy's post went viral because he worked for this company, quite a large construction company, making all their social videos. Right. And was being really overworked, really underpaid,

and went in, had been doing it for six months, and was just, like, fully burnt out. Yep. Went into the bosses and said, I'm going to need a pay rise, and they were like, okay, we'll think about it, and then that afternoon fired him. Whoa. Yeah, like, just super out of the blue.

He hadn't done anything wrong, but they were just like, just fired him. No, we're not giving you a pay rise, whatever. Anyway, two years later, like, come to today, and he's, like, no, we're not giving you a pay rise, whatever. Anyway, two years later, like come to today, and he's like looking through his Google Drive or his Dropbox and he's like, God, I need to clear up some room. And he realises that the folder that he was working from in that job is still active.

And not only is the company still using his Dropbox account, which like he pays for personally, but also they'd still been using all of the social assets that he'd created while he worked there. Yes. That's bullshit. And he goes, fuck them, I pay for this, and deleted the folder. Yep.

So all their social assets, everything they use is just gone. Because he goes, I pay for this, I created this, and it's not their stuff to use. Anyway, and he's like, well, I've been paying for this account all this time. Yep. They can get fucked. And do I condone this?

Absolutely not. But after you've been treated that badly, it would feel pretty good to be able to get the final, like, word in that. Oh, absolutely. And I actually used to work with our video guy, Franco, who cuts all our videos. Yep.

And I sent the screenshot to him and I said, not that you would ever do this, but I got chills reading this. How good is that? And he went, ha, there's a lot of places I'd like to do that. He's like, please don't delete our videos, though. Thank you. Thank you. Just thought you'd love to see it.

Get in the final word. Yeah. Actually, now that you've said that, don't give Franco any ideas because all our stuff's on his computer. I know. He's got everything. Love you, Cameron Franco. Love you.

Love you. Love to see you all the time. Thank you. All right. We will chat to you tomorrow, team. Bye. Bye. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up.

Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca.