Toni and Ryan - Let's get Lizzie

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

Pls forgive us for this one hehehehhe love u so much xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. And we are calling Stephanie in Sydney. Stephanie in Sydney. I feel like Steph is just such a sick nickname. Yeah, like, oh, it just really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? So good.

Hello, Stephanie speaking. Steph, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Oh my god. Hi. How are you? We're good. But we have really backed in Steph for you.

And then you answer the phone. Stephanie speaking. Do you call her Steph or not? I'm a Steph, but people always think that I'm Jess. So I'm like Stephanie. Oh, yeah. Have you ever met a Jess-a-nee? Stephanie, I think my sister's called my sister's called me.

I think my sister's called me. I think my sister's called me. I think my sister's called me. I think my sister's called me. I think my sister's called me. I think my sister's called me. Stephanie. Oh, yeah. Have you ever met a Jess-a-nee? I've now. I think my sister's called Jess, so everyone just gets confused and I'm like, I'm confused too. Yeah. You actually, you used to be Jess, but you swapped at some point. Now you've just copped it.

Yeah. Now, not just Steph, I believe you're originally from Perth. Can you tell us what Tony's been telling us about Perth's love for Perth, but then getting the fuck out of there to the East Coast? Oh, kind of feels, yeah. Perth, like now I feel like I remember when I first moved to Sydney, I was like shook because there was like Sunday shopping. Yes.

Perth's been there, has that? That is a really big thing. And that you can go to a supermarket after 5pm on a Saturday. Yeah, crazy day. Yeah. Well, welcome to the East Coast. It's great to have you. Great to have you. Will you approve today's episode? I would love to. Hey, it's Steph from Sydney and I approve today's podcast. Happy Monday to you. Happy Monday to you.

Happy Monday. Once again, musical guest. Wow. Maybe, oh no. I was about to say, what if Tony and Ryan became a musical? And then I remembered that I would fucking hate that. I would love it. I know.

I know. I absolutely love that. Yeah. I'll tell you what I love. Where would the world be without cooked people in Facebook groups? You know what I mean? I get so much good shit from there, as you know, as a content creator. So one of the biggest things that people ask about the podcast specifically, because we make five episodes a week, which is a lot.

People are like, how do you come up with that many things to talk about? As crazy people in Facebook groups. Well, the answer is that things like crazy things happen to everybody. You're just not looking for it. And so then when you're in a Facebook group and all this stuff's popping off, it is a goldmine for things to talk about. And that sounds really like predatory. This is, I'm about to say something predatory.

But it's more just that like literally you just say something, you go, what a concept that there's just no way I could have come across that in my own real life. But you've brought that to me and what a gift. So Bridget's in a kombucha Facebook group because she's making kombucha at home. She has told me about the kombucha at the butchie group. Yeah. And so there's lots of different groups. She's also was in the cloth nappies group and they're always sharing tips and

stuff. And the sourdough one when she started doing sourdough. We've learned so much stuff from Facebook groups, but then sometimes you just see She's also was in the cloth nappies group and they're always sharing tips and stuff. And the sourdough one when she started doing sourdough. We've learned so much stuff from Facebook groups, but then sometimes you just see a few things and you go, so in the kombucha group, this, this girl messaged and goes, Oh, I must be doing it wrong. Blah, blah, blah. Uh, it just tastes a bit like acidity and vinegar-ish and blah, blah, blah.

And it's not quite right. Yeah. And then some, you know, a few more questions goes, yeah. And sometimes it's a bit too fizzy and it just doesn't taste right and blah, blah, blah. And then someone's like, do you like kombucha? I was just about to say, do you maybe just not like it? Yeah. And everyone's being like, oh, sweetie, like you're, that's what you're making. Have you seen that trend online? I was telling you about this actually the other day. And it's like, let me hold your hand while I say this. That feels like that. Yeah. You go, I'm not trying to be an asshole, but do you just not like kombucha?

Cause that's okay too. That's totally fine. It's actually fine if you don't like it. I think you like the concept of kombucha, but maybe. And that's all right. Yeah. But there was the hand and I, and I, Bridget just showed me this and she was like, Oh, sweetie.

I think she just doesn't like it. Yeah. So the other night in the Life Uncut, which is a podcast here in Australia. Yep. Um, I'm going to be on in a few weeks. Really? So, someone posted. Don't bad mouth them.

I'm about to go on their podcast. No, no, no. It's not them. It's not them. Someone commented, I like puts a post in there and goes, um, Hey ladies, does anyone know how to do an anonymous post? And then the top comment is like, yep, you just click here, blah, blah, blah. And then there's an anonymous post.

And then anonymous post comes up two minutes later. And it's like. Oh. And because people use those kinds of groups as like. For genuine advice. I need help with this thing. Yeah, genuine advice, but also like maybe they don't have a really close girlfriend or mom or sister or whatever that they can ask.

Especially when it's like lady stuff, lady, lady stuff. No, but it was, no, but no, this one was like, no, she's not like such a, but it was like someone trying to reach out to a group of people. Like minded women who are probably similar ages and things like that. No, I totally get it. It got posted like a minute and a half after the, and I was just like. And you kind of go, even if that's not you, you've been done. Yeah.

Like it looks like that was Stephanie from earlier. So we don't do pranks here. We do not do pranks. We don't fuck around. But when I first saw the, hey ladies, how do I post anonymously? I was considering immediately doing an anonymous post being like, so I've killed a guy and the body's in the backyard. How do I bear it? And everyone would be like, Stephanie's killed a guy.

Stephanie's killed someone. But then- Is that a natural reaction that other people had? Because that's the first thing I thought of. But then actually like three minutes later, there's this one that's like, anyone know of any run clubs in North Sydney? You know, it's like the most innocent question ever.

You're like, what, so you're running away from the law? From the guy you killed. Oh my God. No, I see, I didn't consider that at all. I don't know what that does about me, but that's the first thing I thought. But what I would do, no shame, I would have kept hitting refresh and being like,

what did she need to ask? As soon as I saw that, I was like, well, what's fucking going on? Like I would just be so locked on on like what she was going to ask. Um, Coburg is a suburb near us. Yes. And this is in the Coburg Good Karma Network Facebook group. Well, should we not out the-

What's on the group? They're doing good work. It's the Good Karma Network. Okay. Are we going to, is this you that's in it or is this Bridge? Are we going to get Bridge kicked out of her favourite fucking group? Admin, if you're listening. Love you.

Love you. Do you do such good work? It's the people in the group, not the groups themselves. But you know what I mean. Grace bought a vase and went to put flowers in it. Beautiful. Only to discover it was actually an urn and had human ashes in it. discover it was actually an urn and had human ashes in it.

I think I just blacked out for a second. Grace has posted in the Coburg Good Karma Network Facebook group, Hey guys, I bought this vase on Facebook marketplace about four months or so ago, and I've only just gone to use it now and realized there's actually human ashes in it. Is anyone missing some ashes? And they'd gotten it from this group. No, but I think the, they bought it just from Marketplace. It was just from Marketplace. Oh, sorry.

Yeah. And they've, and they've lost the connect. They can't find the message or whatever. And so, cause it's the COVID kind of community. She's like, look, um, and actually goes, they kind of live near Moreland road and Sydney road. Um, if anyone's missing their ashes, I think you might've accidentally, you know, or imagine someone was cleaning something out and went to sell it.

Um, let me know. Cause I feel like you're missing, like you want it back. Absolutely. Yeah. That is so heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking, but also like, what if like, who's done that? What's going on there? I wonder if it was like, oh, I don't know if there's a nice way to say it, but like,

I wonder if the other person died and someone was clearing out their house, like in an, like- Some nephew comes in and goes, yeah, just flip it all in the marketplace. Or like a cleaner came in and goes, yeah, we'll just clean everything out and sell it all. Sell the rest, yeah, we'll just clean everything out and sell it all. Sell the rest. Yeah. You know, and they just didn't know what was in it or didn't care to check. Fuck that is. Grace is doing the right thing here.

Hey, or does she need, does she, oh, is she owed some count? Like she's been thrown in the fucking deep end. She just bought a vase off marketplace. It's pretty heavy. Yeah. Um, did Grace mention how much she paid for it? Because like, Oh, hang on. I'll see.

So I've got the, here it is here. Here's the post. Yeah. Four or five months ago. Yeah. It does look like, it doesn't look like an urn. Doesn't it? I reckon maybe it's just because I've been incepted and cause I now know it's an urn.

That's an, nah. That's urny. It's urny. It is urny, but it's not, I don't think, cause urns should have a lid. That's for sure. Yeah. Another thing about it is that like, this sounds grim, but ashes are really heavy. That is grim.

And the reason I know is because I've held my mum's and they are really- Do you live near Moreland road? Heavy, no. And I would've held my mom's and they are really... Did you live near Moreland Road? Have you? No. And I would never give my mom's ashes away. I wish I had some of her actually, which sounds also a little bit Korean, but I don't have any of her. Like it's all together, which kind of feels nice as well. It feels weird to chop it up. But also then I wish I had some.

Would you use like a credit card to... She's not cocaine. No, it's just not a wreck of my mom. No, no. Would you use like a credit card to? She's not cocaine. No, it's just not a rock on my mom. No, no. If you like, that's quite sweet. Isn't it? No, but brother, I'll just, I'll chop you out a bit. Um, see if she wants some of the old gal.

Here you go. Tony's heading over to Melbourne. I'll just carve you out some there. I'm just rolling up a note of my own. Sorry. Old habits die hard. Anyone wants a mum? No, just kidding. They got the champagne or the...

What are you doing tonight? Let's get Lizzie. Getting some of the fizzy Lizzie into you. That is so funny. But they're heavy because it's like, it's, yeah. It's a person. Yeah. Like I recently was at a funeral and I actually, it was the first time I actually saw ashes.

Cause you know of the concept, but until I actually saw it, it kind of gave me the heebie-jee. Like I went, Oh yeah. Cause it's like this sandy and like grainy. It's not like you kind of think it's going to be like fine dust. It's quite, I thought it'd be like flour. Yeah. Nah,. It's not like you kind of think it's going to be like fine dust. It's quite like flour. Like smooth. Nah, but it's not like that at all. But anyway, so.

So if anyone's in Coburg and is missing a person or wants a big night on the Liz, inquire via the Coburg Good Government. I'm out of the Liz. My poor mother, may she rest in peace. Oh, love her. Hey, it's Steph from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion top beyonds from the Patreon, Paul Henry, Basileo, Simone Humphrey.

Good on you, Simone. Carissa Meowler, Olivia Williams, Tegan F, Kelty and Paige Schnipel. Good on you, Paige. How do you feel knowing that all those people you just mentioned up until 10 minutes ago had never considered snorting a dead relative? I feel good. Um, because you only, you don't know what you know. A little too good.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, you're the one that called my mum a verb. Do you want to have an alize? Getting Lizzie, I believe you said. I believe it was getting fizzy on the Lizzy.

That actually isn't even a verb. That would be a adjective. Anyway. Um, thank you very much for being part of the Patreon. Absolutely. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Um, how did you find out your partner was cheating on you?

So you've been having the dreams again? The dreams have come back. It's obviously too much Lizzy at that time and it's, it's hitting me where it hurts. Wow. Whoa. Is there, what's going on, mate? Well, so I'm out on the weekend with a girlfriend for her birthday, right?

Yeah. And there's like, you know, you go for one person, but you don't know anyone else that's going and it's like the, she's got other friends from other parts of her life there. And you're doing the, hi, how are you? Oh, what do you do for work? All the small talk. Yeah. And you found Torb's girlfriend.

Is that what happens? I'm dating this guy. Yeah. He's just got a new tattoo. Uh, and one of the girls there is a vet, right? Yeah. Uh, and, um, she goes, oh yeah, like, well I'm a vet and God, I've seen some shit. Yeah.

That's very funny. Um, she goes, I've seen some shit and I was like, Oh, I love my dog more than anything in the world. So like, I can't even imagine what you see every day. She goes, nah, it's not even that. She goes, we just see people at their worst and not like in an emotional way. She goes, cause people are like angry and defensive about like their dog, not doing so well and stuff like that.

She goes, and things just happen. Anyway, I've just met this person, right? And we're like both, you know, holding a champagne or whatever. And she's just like, yeah. So the other night, right? This couple comes in and their dog has like eaten something that it's not supposed to. Yeah. And we go, well, we need to induce vomiting.

And they go, oh my God, like, of course. And they're standing there, they're holding hands. It's so worried. And this dog vomits out a G-string in amongst a bunch of stuff. It vomits up an entire pair of little underwear. Right. She goes, it was really awkward in the room. So I go, I'm going to give you guys a moment and I'll, I'll come back in a second.

Like, Oh, I just need to clean something up, wash my hands, whatever. I'll be back in a second. She comes back five minutes later, they're not holding hands anymore. They look both really angry and upset. And it turns out they've broken up because that G string belonged to somebody else and he'd been cheating on her. Oh my God. So this guy's been hooking up with somebody else who loves to wear little lacy G-streets. And she goes, well, that's not mine.

So hang on. He, maybe it was his and he couldn't. And he didn't want to admit it. And that's fine. And he goes, oh, I'm having an affair. Well, but yeah. So what's the worst option? So he, and a vet is just standing there.

He said the vet comes back in and he's like, and she goes, yeah, that's where I left it. She goes, I knew I'd met you before. Yeah. Now she goes, oh my God, like, so yeah, we'll have to, you know, discuss like your dog's doing really well now. The dog was fine. She's like, but we'll have to discuss payment. And now, and she was just like, he'll be paying for it.

This is like, whatever. And she like leaves. Fucks off. Yeah. And so was just like, he'll be paying for it. This is like whatever. And she like leaves. Fucks off. Yeah. And so she's like, said to me, yes. Cause I was like, Oh yeah, you're dealing with grief a lot. And she goes, nah, it's like more the interpersonal things we have to deal with. So did she, is she just sitting there going, this is awesome.

I got front row seats to Jerry Springer or is she? I don't think so. I think she's sitting there being like, what is my role in this? Yeah. Like, do I have to comfort you? Like, would I comfort you if your dog or your pet passed away? Right? Obviously.

Yeah. But I'm not a relationship counselor. No. Like, so what is like, she's like, do I say something? Do I step in? She's telling me this story, right? And I'm just like, what? There's no way she's like, yeah, like 1000% this little dog just like vomits up a G string. And they go, yeah, well we've broken up now because that's not mine. Well, obviously.

And he's got nothing to say. He's obviously an asshole because he's cheating and that's not okay. But what we haven't discussed is what's this dog doing sniffing around other people's underwear? That's kind of on him. That dog, I don't think you can victim blame this dog. No, I think, what's he doing sniffing around, eating people's underwear. If I came to your house and ate your underwear, you'd be, see that face, see? And rightfully so. So why is the dog an innocent victim in this?

Oh my God, you've really gone the wrong direction. and I think you're going to agree that you have. Are you saying you're with the dog? No. Oh, fuck me. You think you should be eating more underwear? No, but like, well, yeah, I mean, it's a good point. Why would the dog eat the underwear? Have I been had here? Did this one happen? I didn't like read this on Reddit. Someone told me this in real life.

And she fucking liar. So what did she do? She just went, okay, have a good day. And she was just like, I don't know really what to say, but the girl goes, he he'll be paying for it. Like I'm leaving. Obviously. So, and so then she goes, yep, cash or card.

Do you have petty insurance? I don't know. And so when she's telling you this, who she's a friend of a friend at a birthday party, whatever. Yes, I'm like, I don't have any buy-in. But are you like, bitch, what's your number? We should have coffee more often because it sounds like your life is fucking hilarious.

There's like crazy stuff happening. I'm like, could you just post all of that on Facebook? Group. That would really cut the middle man out for me. That's crazy shit. Isn't it? Yeah. Isn't that insane? What a way to get caught. And you imagine the dog, he gets home and looks at the dog and goes, bro. Well, but what's he gonna like that, you know, what's he gonna do? It's his fault. And I think that the guy, she said like that he looked really remorseful and was just like embarrassed.

And also because like taking your dog to the vet is so stressful when there's like an emergency. Do you remember when Bridget caught me cheating? Cause there was that girl's underwear in the back of my car. I do remember that. Have you heard about this, Sophie? I don't know if I have. Yeah. So Bridget and I like years and years ago decided we were going to go swimming

regularly and get fit. So she buys a bikini. I buy some board shorts. We put them in the back of my car and we go swimming a total of zero times. And then a month later, she opens the back of my car and goes, who's bikini brothers those who is she? And I was like, they were yours. They're yours. Remember when we committed to doing a 5am swim every day and how that didn't happen. She goes, oh yeah. I was like, do you want them still? She's like, nah.

So what we're saying is maybe that G string was that girl. So she just goes, well, I was like, do you want them still? She's like, nah. So what we're saying is maybe that G-string was that girl. She just goes, well, I haven't worn those in two years. That can't be mine. Did he try to gaslight her? You know, did he give it a crap? Not to my knowledge. They're not my size.

I think literally he was, when she walked back in, he was just like, they just didn't say anything. She did all the talking. She went, we've actually broken up because that's not mine. And because you would see another woman in that room, they like, you're an ally. Because when girls say like, well, yes, I'm dating this guy or like my ex boyfriend, we go, what a dickhead. Yeah.

I already hate him. Like I already hate him. Like I'm on your side. So literally when Yvette walks back in and she goes, everything all good, she goes, no, that's not my underwear. And she goes, what an asshole. You know, instantly you have like an ally in the room. Yeah. That's crazy. I would have done the same to be fair. Just got on her case.

Oh, 100%. She's like, I'm with you, but you will pay to the other guy. So yeah, I'd love to know if anybody's got a great story of how you found out your partner was cheating on you and not the usual way, but maybe a funny, funny, but cheated on and traumatic. Yeah. But like, remember when we did like, how did you almost die? But funny, this is like, when did you find out your partner was cheating on you?

But funny. Like, hang on. But funny now. Funny now. Yeah. Like, cause on. But funny now. Funny now. Yeah. Like, cause like, what is the thing? Trauma plus time equals comedy. Tragedy plus time.

But T close. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I'll pay. Tony plus time equals comedy. No, Tony's funny all the time. That's what I was fishing for.

Thank you. We're never going to break up. No, I have some really good news. If that's another bitch's g-stream. I'm not with you. Sorry. I was about to, yeah. Cough up a thong. I've got a great, G stream. I'm not with you. Sorry, I was about to cough up a thong. I've got a great, you love to see it here.

A few months ago, we found out that our friend Lane Cox and his partner were expecting a little baby. So Tapa Lane Cox and Lane just messaged the other day and said, very happy to report that a couple of weeks ago on October 15th. So I've had a couple of weeks at home now, they're settling in. Harper the Tapper made her way into the world. Harper the Tapper. So Harper Grace Cox, Harper the Tapper, isn't that so cute? Made her way into the world.

And she's happy, healthy, mom and bub doing really well. They're at home now, all happy. And yeah, isn't that so exciting? So congratulations. Good on you, Lane. Good on your family. That's huge. That is huge.

So exciting, eh? Harper. Harper's a great name. I love the name Harper. Yeah, I love it. Christina is a Tarpa in Spain. Oh, I hardly know her. Tony has a message for her in her native tongue. Hola.

Is that? I think so. that's Spanish. Yeah. Backpack, backpack. That's Dora. Over more than six years, I have been studying to become a judge here in Spain. Whoa! Yeah.

Imagine getting paid to just judge people. Isn't that just like the best fucking job ever? But it's not like that. You have to be like a completely unbiased person. No. Like I could never. No, you need I could never. Because I am judgmental. I wouldn't be a good judge. Yeah, like they go, and this guy did this

and you're like, you motherfucking what? Yeah. That's the kind of judge I'm gonna. Like imagine in this situation with the dog underwear. Immediately I'm on the girls side. Yeah. So like people could have done anything. I'm like, no.

No. I discovered the Tony and Ryan podcast in February, says Christina, as I was entering my last year of studying. And since then, as you can imagine, the assignments, the pressure, the mock courtrooms, like it's a pretty stressful process. And then I think you have to be selected. And like, you have to go through like a lot of like

face-to-face things where they go, well, no, I don't think that you're- Of character. Yes, of solid character. So that's where we would get caught up. And I mean, the seven years of study before would probably catch me a bit earlier than that. You know?

I might fall off earlier than that. Because of the pressure, it was difficult to sleep, but I've started listening to Tony and Ryan at night and has made me forget about my stressful day. And I can proudly now say I am a judge and this podcast has helped me so much. Thank you. Christina from Spain. Oh, Christina. Congratulations.

So now, okay. I'm going to enter something into the official Tony and Ryan record. Whenever we now say who are we to judge, someone has to say Christina. Christina is the official type judge. Okay. I love it. I love it. Siri, how do you say congratulations in Spanish?

I found three results in Spanish for congratulations. Isn't it feliziz Campeaños? Yeah, that one. Hang on. That means words expressing praise and this one is a compliment or a celebration. Enhorabuena. Enhorabuena. Enhorabuena. So Cristina, enhorabuena to you. Oh, no. In a guana. In a guana. Yeah. So Cristina, in a guana to you.

Felicidades. That's what I said. Felicidades. Felicidades. Feliz Navidad. That's Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Get your tree ready.

It's almost November. Feliz Navidad. Are you gonna go real? Pero a noe felicidad. I think I've. Feliz Navidad. Are you gonna go real? Propero a noel felicidad. I think I've totally butchered that. Do ya? Then it goes, I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas.

So a lot of music on the episodes the last few days. I'm just feeling fresh. Would you say you're feeling jazzy? Jazzy. Put those hands down sweetheart. Absolutely. My pants. Love to see Christina become a judge.

Yeah. Yeah. Judge that comment. Judge this. No Christina, we respect your job. Love you so much. We'll be back tomorrow with. As Tony said that she was pointing to a massive penis.

Bush. Nah, all right, love you. Bye. Nah. All right. Love you. Bye. Bye. Fuck. Who are we, don't you know? Christina. Thank you.