Toni and Ryan - Lip gloss in the wind

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

Things that make you DISPROPORTIONATELY UPSET (Dispro Upsetto) and a special girls birthday!!!! Love ya xoxoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling Jess in God's country. We're calling Jess, which one? In God's country. Perth. And the God's country of God's country, which is? Rollystone. Cockburn.

Oh. Coburn Central. Not just Coburn, Coburn Central. Wow. We'll have to ask Jess if she's been wrong. Do they still have the faces on the billboards there? No, I think they got rid of that. Really? Because it was too scary, yeah.

Good morning. Jess! Good morning. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? We're good. We were just talking.

Have they taken down the faces from the Coburn train station? Because they were very controversial. They have, unfortunately. For some context, they melded like faces of people from the community and Photoshopped them together and it was supposed to be like the average citizen of Coburg. It was not good. And it just ended up looking like missing people.

It was not good, yeah. Just this random old lady and a young kid. And quite pixelated because it was, you know, 20 years ago. Well, good on them for fucking that off. I can't even think what's there now. I'm trying to look. I feel like it's like a bird or something. I literally like faces.

I wish the faces were still there. Well, anything that wasn't those people is an improvement. Yeah, definitely. That is good to know. Jess, thank you for giving us the Perth and Coburn update. The update. Will you approve this podcast? I will.

I'm so shocked that you actually said Cockburn and not Cockburn. We're locals, Jess. We're locals, mate. What are you talking about? Yeah, true, you are. I've driven up and down the Kwinana Freeway past Cockburn Central for many years. I've been to the Cockburn Ice Arena that I believe isn't there anymore.

Yeah, no, that's gone. No, it's still there. Well, I approve that. That's for sure. Yep. And I may have said Cockburn for lols before you answered, but I'll just gloss over that. Yep.

No, no, no. So we're all good. But she approved and we can move on. Let's start the episode. Hey, it's Jess from Cockburn Central and I approve this podcast. I've said it before and I'll say it again. One of my new favourite segments is what disproportionately upsets you. Or as we like to call it.

Dispro Upsetto has been the internal name. Yeah. And I feel like it can be the everything name. I feel like everyone should appreciate Dispro Upsetto as much as we... I think I like it because it sounds like an Italian discotheque. Yes. And I'm picturing like, you know, that that scene from i don't even know what movie is european adventure i am familiar no i was gonna say that scene i don't know road trip euro trip

can i fucking she's disparate of terry crews in the nightclub where he's like got the whistles and he's like dancing and he's got like, I think it's in white cheeks. Yeah, right. Yeah, and he's like, that's what I imagine, like he's wearing like nothing and he's just got his pecs like bouncing around. Sorry if we've had this same conversation before. Could Dispo Apsetto also be a type of coffee order?

I was literally just about to say it also sounds like coffee. The Piccolo and the Dispo Apsetto. I think it's a Dispo Apsetto. It also sounds like a characteristic of wine. Oh, this one's got a beautiful dispro upset-o about it, doesn't it? How do you describe the dispro upset-o? It's upset-o. It's got a beautiful bouquet of afterbirth.

I don't know wine words. Anyway, dispro upset-o. Cameron Hayes. Hayes. Hayes. Getting clothing stuck on door handles. If you're already angry, this will tip you right over the edge. Tony has died and gone to heaven and or hell. This makes me so fucking mad.

Yeah. It just always gets you at the wrong time, doesn't it? Yeah. Like, why doesn't that happen? Do you know what's funny? Is that you never see that happen on TV. Like you're never watching TV and someone's like in a rush and they get their fucking handbag stuck on the door or their nightie caught on a door.

Both of those things happened to me today, if you couldn't tell. Yeah, when I was getting ready to leave the house. Is it because as an actor you'd have to like the skill to actually like because you couldn't if you tried get something stuck on the door handle. No, you couldn't. You're right. But as this morning would allude, it is still possible in real life. Have you ever gotten your, oh, maybe you're not the right height,

but I'm the perfect height in our old apartment for a jean loop to get stuck on the door handle and I'd walk past and it would get stuck and like come with me and then it fucking gets you in the back. Yeah, hits you in the lower back, gives you a wedgie. It fucking hurts. This happens to me a lot and, yes, this does make you, actually maybe it doesn't make you disparate upset-o.

Maybe it's the perfect amount of upset-o because it's fucking annoying-o. So maybe it's fine-o that we're angry-o about it. Catherine says, when you put a jumper on and your long-sleeve shirt sleeve gets bunched up underneath. What you do is you have to hold the bottom of your sleeve, hook it in, chuck it on. Slide over. That is sickening.

That is worse than anything I've ever seen. Robin Cullen, who is no relation to. Edward Cullen? Yep. Nice. Why was I going to say Robert Cullen? Robert Pattinson is the same. Okay, I got confused.

That's okay. They're both handsome. Robin just said. It's the same guy? That's the joke. He had a one word answer to what makes you disparate or upset. And it just says wind. Where does it fucking get off, wind?

Both in terms of farts and in nature i think they were referring to in nature uh just annoying you walk out the front door and you go oh back in the day when lip gloss was big sticky sticky lip gloss you'd get your hair in your lip gloss all the time that was fucking the worst what kind of lip gloss did you have uh it was like a sticky pink one. It was the brand Chi Chi and it was called Bimbo and it was really fucking sticky and it was the lip gloss. Was it like watermelon flavoured? It was pink, yeah, like assorted pink taste. You've said a lot of words in the last 20 seconds

that don't feel on brand for Tony Lodge. It's a long time ago. Bimbo, Pinko, Stinko. Chi Chi is the brand. They actually still sell it at my and libby and i my sister and i were at shops at the shops the other day and i was like jim this is our very favorite and she was like yep i like didn't leave the house without this and yeah yeah um but lip gloss in the wind that is sounds like a music video it really does

but you would get and you get your hair like stuck to your mouth. It was fucking disgusting. Is it a musical or like a really cheesy like rom-com that probably Isla Fisher and Kate Hudson would be in? Lipstick in the Wind. Our friendship will never die kind of vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brianna said me trying to read the word disproportionately.

Well, remember I think we shared this. Yeah, Ryan was trying to read the word disproportionately. Well, remember, I think we shared this. Yeah, Ryan was trying to write it into our. The word disproportionately has its own word in itself three times. It is a confusing one. Yeah, I'll give you, I will give you that. But it's a good word. Brianna Stewart. Hi, Brianna.

Hi, Stewart. When you go to pull paper towel or toilet paper and it just rips the part that your fingers are holding, it sets me right off. You know when you're getting a bit of toilet paper and it's two ply and only one half of it comes and then it's out of sync? There's like a long thin bit but but then it gets to the double bit

and then you pull the long thin bit, then you get three. If that happens to me, I'll just walk to the nearest park like a dog and just drag my arsehole on the grass. I would rather do that than dry and unwind the two fly and figure out where it is. I would rather do that. I thought you were going to say go to a park and have a sit down and just recollect my thoughts.

You'd see you're going to drag your ass like that. Crawl on your top. That is a disproportionate response. And finally, and I'm not going to name names because. Go to a park. You need our dogs to know. No park I know what you're talking about Yeah, yeah, yeah Have you ever done that though? No

It's quite refreshing I'm a 30 year old woman I have not dragged my ass on the floor like a dog You know the satisfaction of like scratching a good itch? Yeah But just actually think for a second how good it would feel I'm not suggesting you do it, but just everyone just have a moment. I don't think you need to rub your ass on the ground like a dog,

though, to do that. I think a good scratch with your fingers is pretty good, though. Your fingers? You eat with those? I eat with my hands. I guess so. But you wash them. Now, I'm not going to name names for this final one

for fear that Tony will hunt you down. Are you ready? No. And I've got a prop for this and it's not prop comedy. It's just an example. If it's lip gloss. If it's Chee Chee Bimbo lip gloss. No, you'll actually fucking hate this.

My eyes are closed. A fellow tarpa is disproportionately upset-o about something else that Tony is also disproportionately upset-o about. What have I got here, Tony? I'm opening my eyes. Don't. Get that away.

Get it away. Can people guess just by hearing it? What is it, Tony? It's a tape measure. Don't. Don't. Don't. They really freak me out. I don't like them.

You can't predict where they're going. I don't like that. Well, you can. They only go in a straight line. Tony's looking at it like it's a venomous snake. Maybe it is. See? Because that's what fucking happens.

Now, this is going to really set Tony off. So I've stretched out the... It's just a measuring tape. No, it's going to do the bend. It's going to do a bend. Are they made of tin or metal? What are they made of? They're made of fucking dead dreams.

It's going to do the bend. Everyone knows the measuring tape that I'm talking about. So I've got it stretched out across the desk and it's yet to bend, but it's curved. But I think the weight will get to it soon as i keep kind of oh now what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna let it retract into my hand don't it's gonna go in my eye if you got your safety goggles on three two i'm sorry to do that i just needed to I don't like those I don't like the sound

I don't like the feeling of it It gives me the heebie-jeebies Now I want everyone to keep I don't think that's disproportionate I think that's real life That They're scary They could hurt you

Has one hurt you previously? It must have at some point Physically or emotionally And it's freaked me out both Sorry to Just make that real But I just Wanted people to know That it's not me out both. Sorry to just make that real, but I just wanted people to know that it's not a brouhaha. Who sent that in?

No, I said, no, this is why. No, because I'm on your team. I'm on your team. I don't like them either. Oh, I get you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So whoever sent that, I'm right there with you, sister,

because fuck, tape measure's off. Luckily the iPhone has it now and you just measure with that. Do they work though? I think so. I don't think they do. I think so. Do you know what we could do? We could test it.

You could do the scary one and I'll do the phone one and we'll see if they come out the same. We'll measure Sophie. Yeah, how will we know which is right though? Well, we'll just compare them. Okay. And if they're both the same, they might both be wrong. And then we're just a square one anyway.

Yeah, yeah, all good, all good. It's Jess from Coburn Central and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Sean Wanacott. Good on you, Sean. What's he want? He Wanacott. Yeah, he Wanacott. Oh, sorry.

I thought you said Sean Wanacott. Yeah, he might do. I don't know. Tyson Marshall. Good on you, Tyson. Hannah thought you said Sean Monacoque. Yeah, he might do. I don't know. Tyson Marshall. Good on you, Tyson. Hannah Applequist. What's she on? Rebecca.

Good on you. And Kay Cheng. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. Absolutely love to see it. Yesterday. Big day. Mabel's first birthday party. Now, do I not have a baby anymore? now have a toddler what's the rule here oh i

don't is she a toddler yet i mean she does she's been walking for ages she's uh getting a bit of chewed a bit of personality she is sassy yeah uh so i think we're getting there but uh one year since she was born and how does that feel for you? Like you did it. A fucking 12 months. That's a big year. Well, Hamish Blake, great philosopher, said the days are long, but the years are short. And I feel like that's very, that rings very true. I have heard that from parents before.

You're like, fuck, has it only been an hour? But then all of a sudden five years is gone. So that's definitely like, fuck, has it been a year already? But then all of a sudden five years he's gone. So that's definitely like, fuck, has it been a year already? But there's been some days that have felt like decades. Yeah. Like if I've got her for the whole day and I go, fuck, it's been really long. What time is it?

And Bridget goes, it's 9.30. Yeah, far out. Okay. But yeah, no, she's, I love her. She's such a gorgeous girl. We shared some of her cake yesterday. I believe you saw her trying to feed her dad. She smashed it into your face.

Yep, and she thought it was hilarious. Yeah. And I also thought it was hilarious and then carried on with cake on my face for the rest of the party. But you got lots of little snacks because every time you went to Lick-a-Lip, you're like, oh, yep, another little bit in there. But I feel like the party was awry before it started, so I'm just going to hand over to Tony Lodge and get you to explain.

So on my beautiful handwritten invitation from Mabel, which we shared on the podcast, so everyone is on the same page with that, it said, see you at 10 a.m., Aunt Toddy. That's what time the party starts. And so Uncle Torbs and Aunt Toddy, we rolled up at 10 o'clock because that's what time Toddy started. And as we pulled up, another two people rocked up as well, your mate Ben and his son and your mates Kate and Dave,

they got there at the same time. They were kind of walking down the driveway as we pulled in and you guys always leave your, like when you're having people over, you're like, yep, doors open, let yourself in and come down yep um and so that's like the main living area yes yeah um anyway so we kind of i walk in and it's like really quiet and i was like oh that's a bit strange and obviously five people have already walked in past us three adults two kids um and so as we're walking in, like there's no noise but all these people are in the house already

and I hear someone in your en suite. Yeah. And Bridget walks in and I was like, oh, hey, Bridget. She goes, is Ryan here? And I went, oh, I don't know. I can't hear him. And she goes, oh. So we all get to this party and Ryan is not even there.

Nope. Right? Like he's nowhere to be seen. So all these people walked into an empty house. Yeah, and Bridget was like still getting ready for the party. Like, oh, my God, I would have fucking killed you if that was me. Me? Yes.

She should have got ready on time. Fuck you, deal with that. Anyway, so we all walk down into the living room and the thing's all set, like there's all this food out and like you were ready for us to come except for the fact that you weren't there. Anyway, and we're all kind of like, oh, this is strange. And I'm like meeting people that I like have met before

but haven't seen in ages. And we're kind of like making small talk but it's awkward as fuck. Like it's so awkward. I think I heard a female voice and I'm not, or maybe I am accusing Tony Lodge. You can accuse me because I was about to say it myself. I heard a female, because should I explain where I was? So it turns out Ryan was in Mabel's room like nap trapped.

So Mabel was supposed to go to bed at nine in the morning and she was so in for her party she's like, I don't need a nap. And she's one now, she gets to make her own decisions. Then at 9.57 is like, oh. Actually, I will take that nap. I will take that nap. But her favourite place to nap is on her dad. So I go into her room, I sit on the chair and she falls asleep

and like literally closes her eyes at 10 a.m. on the dot. And we've basically at the same time that like what I'm assuming we've walked down the stairs. And I've heard you all walk in going, where are they? Where are they? And then I'm like kind of just come in and make yourself at home. It's fine. But we were like, oh, and then because Bridget was like, where is,

like I thought Ryan would be here. Like, and she's like a bit. Where's Ryan and Mabel? And then I hear a female voice go, oh, this is such a Ryan thing to happen. I was like the most Ryan thing ever. That was definitely me. Yeah, that was absolutely me. And so we're all standing there like, oh, your little one.

Oh, about to turn one, is he? Like I'm making small talk with these other parents i like don't really know that well um anyway the most ryan thing ever didn't even turn up to his own party and poor bridget she's like fucking flapping around because she thought you'd like gone out yeah like she didn't know that you were i was trying to call like i wish there was a camera on me because i was trying to call out just to be like, all good. I'm just in here. And then you like put Mabel down. You came out and you're like, yeah, we were in there sleeping

and I was like, fuck, we were talking mad shit about you. Yeah, I heard the mad shit. I heard the mad shit. But Aunt Toddy brought a beautiful present for Mabel. It was very nice. It was a set of personalized crayons and the crayons were all letters that spelled out M-A-B-E-L. Or is it L-E?

How do you spell Mabel? E-L. E-L. And they're these beautiful crayons and they're personalized. They're organic as well. They're like all beeswax so there's no like yucky bits in them. And I was like, what a great present. Did you bring a coloring?

Was there a coloring book attached? No, I just bought the crayons. Okay. Well, I think we got a coloring book and we're like, what a great present. And did you bring a colouring? Was there a colouring book attached? No, I just bought the crayons. Okay. Well, I think we got a colouring book and we're like, great. Well, I was like, hey, Mabes, let's do some colouring and stuff. Oh, cute. Because it was a honey pot. So then I tried to find like a brown crayon to do the pot

and then the yellow for the honey and stuff. It was fun. And she's terrible at colouring. She's outside of the line. That's not good. She's one now. But you know how you have to get like the consistency? You can't go too thick and then thin.

And then thin. Oh, my fucking God. So anyway, I'm trying to. Are you okay? Because that's frustrating. Dispro-upset-o. Yeah. I was fucking.

You're like, girlfriend, how many times do I have to explain it? Watch how dad does it. Yeah. And do the same thing. Fuck, she's so dumb. So the thing with the, can I just, the crayons. So when you, when you invited me to the party, I said, what can we bring? Do you want to spring food or whatever?

And you said, don't bring a thing. And I said. No presents required. No presents. And don't, don't bring any food. Don't. Cause I was like, oh, do you want everyone to bring a plate? Do you want whatever?

And I said, what about presents? And you said no presents. And so you deliberately disregarded my request. Your wishes. No, so I was at a craft fair recently and saw those crayons and ordered them for Mabel because I thought she really liked those. I thought it would be something that Bridge would like as well. And so I ordered them and I wasn't actually intending to give them to her,

like for her birthday. Oh, you're just like, what a sweet gift. Oh, her birthday's coming up. Coincidence chat. Yeah. So they weren't even wrapped. Weren't they no no no oh my god and then i walk in to this party and they're just in my they're like in my handbag

yeah and then all these parents fucking roll in beautifully wrapped presents but all this shit right and what and on the end of the dining table there ends up being this pile of beautifully pink wrapped bowed presents with lovely cards and all this stuff turns out all my friends are fucking useless at reading instructions and so then i was like this thing that i was gonna give her like as a nice gesture that i thought you and bridge would like and she'd get maybe a bit of a kick out of yeah i'm like i've had to just ditch this thing onto and i just look like such a piece you shit. You've been rapping, Shane. I have. And I popped mine down like an asshole, not rapping. And then as we were leaving, because everyone had kind of like.

Was there any comments? No, but I told Bridge. You didn't have time to rap, did you? I said to Bridge. You've been a bit busy, mate. Busy with my kids. I'm the only person there with no kids. I'm the only person there with no kids.

And I didn't wrap my fucking presents. You don't have kids or a fucking job and you didn't have time to wrap a fucking present. And then so I said to Bridge, I'm like only person there with no kids and I didn't wrap my fucking present. You don't have kids or a fucking job and you didn't have time to wrap a fucking present? And then so I said to Brie, I'm like, oh. 30 minutes a day on the podcast really taking it out of your sweetheart. Fuck me. Didn't have time to just pop down, wrap it up. You can buy a bag.

You just put it in a bag. It wasn't even a bag. And I wasn't about to leave it there in my. 30 minutes a day. I wasn't about to leave it there in my handbag. It was very expensive. I wouldn't leave that for Mabel. But anyway, and so I said to Brie, just willy. You have 30 minutes a day. I wasn't about to leave it there in my handbag. It was very expensive. I wouldn't leave that for Mabel. Yeah.

But anyway, and so I'm just, I said to Bridget's Willie, I was like, I popped a present down. It's not wrapped. I'm so sorry. It was, I didn't want to bring a gift. You told me not to bring a gift. She's like, oh, it's so fine. But I was like, people need to fucking either listen because if-

Oh, excuse me. You didn't listen. No, no, no. But I wasn't, it wasn't a birthday present. Well, if you rock up and give it to someone on their, at their birthday party, it's fair to like, oh, sorry, but it wasn't a birthday present. Well, if you rock up and give it to someone at their birthday party, it's fair to like, oh, sorry for me getting that wrong. But so if from now on we're saying don't bring anything.

Don't. Don't fucking bring anything because it means that people that listen and respect the wishes feel like cocks because you're the only person that's rocked up and gone, oh, well, you told me not to bring anything. Yeah, but before you get too far in your house, you also brought something. No, I know. To prevent myself from feeling like an asshole. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, if you didn't bring the crayons, you would have been a real asshole. I probably would have started to cry. Make it all about you. Did she like the crayons though? Well, here's the issue with the crayons. Oh, fuck. It's created beef in the house. First of all, I'd just like to say, like, it's like a cliche.

I think it was in a MasterCard ad where it's like buying this present, $83, and the baby playing with the box instead. Priceless. The wrapping and the boxes, Mabel had a field day because she just loves ripping stuff and putting stuff in piles. So she was just like picking up the paper from over there and putting it all over there. And she just loved having all these presents.

So after everyone left, like we had so much fun opening the presents and playing with the wrapping and stuff. So that was really nice. Obviously, we didn't play with your wrapping though. Did you come in a box? No? Okay. So anyway, here's the issue with the crayons.

And it's not an issue with you. It's an issue between Bridget and I. Okay. And I want to get everyone's opinion on this. Bridget goes, because I was like, crayons, great. They say Mabel's name, cutest fuck. Let's start coloring. And Bridget goes, well, you can't use them.

Oh, fuck. I fucking saw this coming as well. Because then you'll like wear them down and it won't say, not only will it not say Mabel, they will in time time just disappear nothing and then we won't have these beautiful like she respected them too much and i was like well the point is to use it yeah and they're so much fun and mabel doesn't know that it says mabel and we can take some cute photos and stuff so we can like always remember and but i think the people that made them would want them to be used because they're great crayons.

Yeah, they are cute. Then they're like really bright colours as well. So where do you stand? I'll share the fucking name of the business. It's like a local business. I'll make them. Where do I stand? Well, I think that you could die tomorrow.

Use the crayons. Use the fancy china. But if I die tomorrow. Wear your fancy outfit. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like fucking who cares? I'll buy more fancy outfit yeah do you know what i mean like fucking who cares i'll buy more crayons do you know what i mean like i'll get her some fucking more you know what keeps popping up in my feed what you know that like little spiel by anthony bourdain that it's like go to the bar and get a beer order this get the extra dessert yeah dessert, do this thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the same quotes just popped up in my feed like three times

in the last two days. Maybe you really need it at the moment. Are you holding back from doing something? I want to go to Young Gravy. Well, go back in time. I've made it happen. Well, I'd have to go back in time. The event's still to come.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, even easier. Yeah, even better. Yeah, forget the time machine. But I feel like you're at a musical speech. There's like, Anthony Bourdain's speech is like, order the Negroni, but yours is use the crayon.

Use the crayons. I mean, it's the same thing. Start the fucking blob. Yeah. Isn't it? Just do it. Yep. Yeah.

I'll buy her some more fucking crayons. I'll buy her 80 fucking boxes of crayons and she can use them till she fucking hands turn blue. We did say no gifts and now we're up to 80 boxes of crayons. Would you say that mom was the best gift that she got? Like, is that, like, would you, are people saying that? Like, is that, what do you mean are people saying that? Like, is that word around town?

Is that, is the best gift that she got? There were some good ones. Oh, well, that is like a knife through the heart. There were some good ones. Oh. Fuck. That is like a knife through the heart, eh? What I did say to people. Luckily I brought something at all. Imagine what would be going on if I didn't bring anything. What I did say to people, and I think this is like a default

for all like gifts for babies and stuff. Sorry, I think I'm going to leave and talk about Mike Tyson for a minute. Lots is happening. Bless you. We could be here a while. I hate saying that inside your mouth. Bless you. No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. It loves it. Welcome home. What's, I think think a given for youngsters and i said this to people when i invited them i was like please please please please don't bring a present but i know my friends are assholes so i said if you have to we're loving books yes we're loving books um because mabel loves reading books she's getting She loves turning the pages because she's, like, getting good turning the pages. And the creativity in pop-up books and pop-out books.

Aren't they beautiful? And the rhyming words. It's incredible. They're beautiful. Some of them are so smart. Like, his books are so stunning. There's this one thing we got the other day where it looks all dark and then there's, like, this little wand that you hold over,

like, a magnifying glass, but it acts as, like, a torch. So, like, it looks like you're looking into the jungle at night. So you can kind of see shadows. Oh, fucking throw the crayons in the bin. And then you use this piece of paper and it's like find the parrot in the dark with the spotlight. And then you look around and you're like, no, that's the tiger. That's the platypus. Don't know what continent they're on together.

And then you go and you see the parrot at the top and you go, oh, I found it. And the mage is like, oh, I found it. And then she goes, I go, remember those crayons? She goes, what? So I would say yours, top ten. She only got ten presents. Take the fucking compliment, dog.

No, it was a great present because Dad likes drawing as well, he discovered yesterday, and he loves colouring in the honeypot. Yeah, right. And Mabel loves sitting on Dad yesterday, and he loves colouring in the honeypot. Yeah, right. And Mabel loves sitting on Dad's lap while he does colouring. It's a gift for the whole family. Well, and then she destroys my fucking artwork. Yeah. Yeah.

If you ever want to buy us an empty colouring in book, buy two. I'll get eight. I'll buy you 20 fucking colouring books. One for her to destroy and then one for dad to perfect. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm glad that she had a great day. She seemed very happy. How did you go at the party when there was a thousand kids running around?

I liked it. I actually played with Mabel most of the time. I was with the birthday celebrity. Yeah, the birthday celebrity. And, like, she had this little table, you know, where she had that little farm set up thing. And her and I just unpacked and packed all the stuff back into a box like eight times.

It's surprising how much putting stuff in boxes. She loves it. Yeah. Uncle Torbs, he was sitting there with her for a bit. Actually, a while. I liked how you said, what did you say last night? I was weird with all the kids. And you're like, no, I was just hanging out with the gays.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was with the childless gays. Yeah. Yeah. So I fit in with kids with the gays. Yeah. Yeah. I was with the childless gays. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I, so I fit in with kids and with gays.

So there's the childless gays and the lodges over there. Yeah. The breeders over here. Yeah. And the kids were coming and going and they were loving it. Yeah. So thanks for coming. Oh,

thanks for having me. Yeah. No, it was great. What do you love to see Tony Lodge? I've got a, I've got a, you love to see here.

Who would like to remain anonymous. So we're sending a lot of love to anonymous asony lodge um i've got a i've got a you love to see here um who would like to remain anonymous um so we're sending a lot of love to anonymous as well okay um my love to see is you guys helping me make it through my marriage breakdown which is so so sad i asked my husband to move out three weeks ago after years of just abuse and just it just being a really really bad fit um he's left me with three kids and it's just an awful, awful situation. It's not a sob story, but I wanted to say thank you for giving me something to smile and laugh at every day. You both make it easier to push through the day

and I think my kids also appreciate seeing their mum smile. Isn't that so sweet? That is nice. And, yeah, I can't imagine that's an easy process and just even the anxiety of the decision. Yeah, exactly. You don't just decide on the day. It's, you know, fuck.

And just with three kids to try and keep happy and keep fed and, you know, keep watered and at school and going to work, you know, like you've got to go through the motions of your everyday life even though there's crazy things. How the fuck do people have multiple kids? We've had one kid and it's fucking insane. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how people do one. It's awesome but don't know. I don't know how people do one.

It's awesome, but it's fucked. I don't know how people do one. It's awesome, but it's fucked, but it's fucked, but it's awesome. But fucking three of them, fuck. It's, yeah, so I just. Happy to help out in the smallest, smallest way possible. Yeah, you're the one doing the heavy lifting here. But I mean, if our dick jokes and talking about Mabel's shitty crayons gets you through the day,

then it's so fine. You let me know what you do with the crayons. Yeah. Sound like you'd be a lot more appreciative than Ryan. That's okay. I used them. I loved them. But I think it's important to share this stuff

because people are going through shitty times and it's really, really nice to hear that people are getting up and fucking doing it every day, even when you feel like you don't want to or you can't. So sending you lots of love. And the whole community is as well all the tapas that's brutal three kids on your own yeah you can't have a sick day you know you can't that's it or take a weekend like nah or go oh you know what maybe not today maybe we won't have dinner i have thought that before it doesn't work um you know, when like we watch movies as kids and you just like accept the plot and then you grow up a bit

and go like, what the fuck was happening there? Maybe not, yeah. Do you remember the title of the movie, Don't Tell Mum the Babysitter's Dead? Yeah. Does that ring a bell? Yeah. So I saw this meme about it the other day.

So basically it's like this classic early 90s movie. I'm pretty sure single mom with five kids and mom goes oh i'm off to australia for two months and hires this babysitter to take care of the five kids so then obviously the babysitter spoiler alert dies obviously and then the older siblings are kind of like oh don't tell mom because we can have a party at home all summer you know is it like weekend bernice A little bit like Weekend at Bernice. But then this person's like rethought about it now that she's 30 because she watched the movie as a kid and gone

and she's got kids and goes, hang on, so a single mum just goes to Australia for two months? Crazy. And she's like, but can we do that? Am I allowed to do that? Yeah, is that on the table? Hey, guys. Yeah, fuck.

I wonder if our You Love to See It has considered just moving countries for two months. Well, if you need to come to Australia, I mean, we'd be happy to take you out for tea. And just hire a dead babysitter. It seems to be fine. I don't recall the ending of the movie, but I'm pretty sure they all survived.

The kids are all good, do you? Except for the babysitter, of course. Yeah, RIP. I've just been saying that. Are we allowed to just fucking take off for a few months? Your kid's all good. You've never met this babysitter, but she's in charge for a few months. Don't call me.

Yeah, yeah. And you've only got $5 a day for food. See ya. You know what I mean? They'll leave you a budget. Don't spend it all at once. My I Love to See It is by Lisa Davies. Hi, Lisa.

And this I think Tony Lodge will appreciate, and I think everyone in the type community will appreciate. Lisa said, my five-year-old daughter just made her very first pun. At five? At five. That's young, isn't it? The dog did like a misdemeanor. Like, you know, stuff, did something, wasn't loud inside or drank, did whatever. Yeah, yeah. And she points to his bed and said you have to go into the kennelty box

that is advanced wordplay that is very good wow do you think she meant it that's i don't know but that's very good the kennelty box kennel Shame. Dirty feet in my lounge. That is so fucking cute. So Lisa and I don't know the daughter's name, so I'll just assume it's Little Lisa. Little Lisa. Congratulations. Little Lisa. That's so cute.

Oh, that is the name. If it's not, change it because that's adorable. Little Lisa. You'll have to say that. Thank you for sharing. We're back tomorrow. I'm off to Australia for two months. Oh, yeah, okay.

Have a great time. Yeah, great. Tomorrow, confessions. These are time confessions. And let me just have a squiz because I know that you always. Let me just read the first line. As us ladies do, I dated a fucking arsehole in my 20s. Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, we can all relate to that. Yeah. I think so. And if you haven't, you're the arsehole. But the revenge is swift yet stanky. Taylor Swift. No. Oh.

No. All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye.