Toni and Ryan - LIVE FROM DUBLIN

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

Splitting the G - Normal or nah - Irish pickup lines - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We call her Tony Temple Bar Lodge because about 90% of Dublin has been inside her at least once. A painter, Guinness and a lick of the penis. Welcome to the Tony Ryan podcast live in Dublin. We've been here for a few days. Tony has attempted to split the G three times and has yet to do so successfully. It's not going well. But right here, in front of friends and family, a whole room of tapers. Yes.

Live on stage, someone until Monday hadn't drank in like six months. Yes. I'm going to try again. Yeah. And I really want to do a good job. Okay. All right. One. She's going good. Put it down. Put it down. Put it down. She's done it down. Put it down. She's done it. Put it down. Is it success? Is it success? I don't. I think I've overshot. The extra sip might have overshot us. You didn't need to go back for that last one. I didn't. I actually reckon I had it bang on.

Yeah, and you fuck did it. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Now... Tastes like vegime. All right. Now, Ryan also has not successfully done it. We're going to hype him up to try as well. But you can stay seated.

His name's second. I got close at my fifth attempt the other day. You have gotten close. So ready? Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan.

Ryan. Oh, fuck it now. Yeah, sorry about it. Now, it's all you that I'm going to ring in the morning. Everyone, we have to get on a plane. And he goes, point. Because as we learn that Guinness has four ingredients, and only one of them is one that Ryan can have.

Yeah. I'm great with water. It's the barley, wheat and hops that I'm no good with. I mean, one out of four is not too bad. Is it unprofessional to go off stage to get a glute guard? No. I think I'm not. do that now I'll sit down. Okay, you chat with the guys. Oh, okay. I'm really embarrassed about this. I was, I shouldn't have gone back for that other sip. That's my fault. I'm going to burp.

Oh, that's not going to be good. I'm so sorry. And this is the actual podcast now, so I should be a grown-up, but I don't know how to do that. Well, we've been traveling around and trying to find the best parts of Dublin, and it's all of it. I cannot believe, we went to this pub today and I had a fucking roast from heaven. What was that pub called? Dropping well. You know it? Okay. The best food I've ever eaten and all the ladies called me lard and I loved that. I've got the glute guard. You've got the glute guard. Do you need some water? I've got some over here. Okay. I just think that Guinness tastes like

vegime. So true. Okay. I can't really taste anything right now because I'm sweating because the adrenaline just got to me and I was not planning. Can I just say? Not for them. This is for us. Yeah. You killed that. Oh, thank you. That was amazing. I think there's something about people screaming your name and stomping their feed that make.

I could do fucking anything. Oh, my God. And I could see it in your eyes. Yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. Should we do normal or nah? Yeah. Oh, sorry, bet.

Yeah, sorry. Oh, God. Why? Does anyone want this? I actually have some crazy coincidence chat. What is it? Because we love some coincidence chat on this show. We love it.

So when I was collecting those Guinnesses, don't do the math on how long they've been sitting out the back there for. Yeah. They weren't poured as well as we would have done it either. They did not let it settle for 60 to 70 seconds. I was walking across the street. I just heard someone open a trip. What they say about Ireland is true.

It's true. I was walking across the street from here to the pub across the road. Yeah. For work. For work. And is Laura in the room? Where's Laura, who I met? Oh my God, she's left.

She's left. She was having a terrible time. I met... You know what, so fair? Torbs's cousin. What? Yeah. She walked...

Fuck! Oh, fuck! She goes, I'm your cousin. I was at your mom's wedding. Where's Laura? There's Laura? down here. Hey Laura, welcome to the family. Ladies and gentlemen, Laura, can you believe that? So, hang on, so before when I did the three degrees of separation, you were like, just you wait.

That's crazy. Oh my God, we're going to be related. Did you know that? You didn't know that he was your cousin. We have been connected. Yes. That's why I got this huge fucking diamond. Yeah, We've been connected. No spoilers, but from the chat earlier that you weren't listening to, they know you're connected. You know? It was the whole rising, wasn't that? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Let's do normal, la. That's crazy. I'm so sorry. That hasn't blown my mind. Let's do normal honor. All right. And feel free to, because we're not from here, you let us know if this is normal or not. chime in.

In some smaller Irish villages, the local pub is also. the shop, the petrol station and The Undertaker. Normal. Tapa Andrea asked normal or nah. Oh, yeah, Andrea. Thank you, Andrew. I think that's Andrea. It's often the only business in the village.

You go in for milk, you're going for petrol and you go in to bury your nan. And then you stay for a pint after your local pub being the shop, petrol station and undertaker. Normal, normal. Normal. What's an undertaker? Yeah. When you die.

I've just realised that when I was thinking Undertaker in my mind, I was imagining the Grimbraithop. Yeah, sure. That's a step before that. Yeah, but the Undertaker is the person that will take care of the body and like, you know. Why do they call it an Undertaker? It's not an overtaker. So true, because that's in the car. Will they take them under?

Is that why that's called that? I mean, you're guess it's as good as mine. as good as mine, I don't know. Ah, but that's normal. Um, normal or nah? Spilling tomato sauce on yourself on the way to a Tony and Ryan live show in Dublin and being named Casey Cowan. Oh my God, Casey was up here before. Is that normal or nah, Casey?

That's normal. Now, tell what happens? Eat your dinner. Did you get changed? I didn't notice it when you came up here. Oh, sorry for bringing it up. Sorry for bringing it up. Yeah.

Oh, controversial normal or nah. Banning your best friend from driving the rental van in Dublin. Carver Ryan asks, is that normal or nah, even though he hasn't almost crashed that much since we got here? His so-called best friend Tony banned him from driving this afternoon to the RDS theatre. Normal. Yeah, Ryan goes to like, he opened the front door and I went, Charles is going to drive.

What's wrong with my drive? I just wanted to take the pressure off you. I thought you're the talent tonight. Take good care of you. Don't want you stress before the show. You know, that kind of thing. Is it because of the car yesterday that stopped? That is part of it.

And then the other day when we went to 40 foot, we were in a pretty, it's a pretty tight little horseshoe there. And Ryan goes, do you know what? I reckon this is like, eh, up just like this massive tree. And we have to return it tomorrow morning. We could either park in the tree or park in the middle of the tree. the road and I made a pretty good call. Yeah, that's so true.

Sorry I wasn't more supportive. I would drive home but... Yeah. I've started. Natalie's not fucking driving. Nah. Normal or nah, being Irish and believing flat seven up is the cure

for every illness. There's an Irish person right there that was very, very excited about that. The arms went right in there. Both of you, but his were very high. Flat seven up, which was, yeah. Tauper Becker asked that. Yeah, thanks, Becker.

Becca, you weren't that excited about that. Hung over, flat seven up. Stomach, flat seven up. Bad day, flat seven up. It just works. It cures fucking everything. Normal. Flat Coke, did I just hear?

Oh. Oh, no. No. No. Flat seven, I mean, my mum used to like stir like bubbles out of lemonade of hardest tummy ache. I guess that's the same thing. That's yeah. Yeah.

Is that that that? And it make your tummy feel better? I don't remember. I was probably just so happy that I got lemonade. Yeah. Like that just feels like a treat and you're like, ah! I think you should be sick more. I'm going to need a flat lemonade tomorrow.

Yeah, you will actually. Um, normal or nah, being Irish and not lining up for anything. Tapa Carmel asks us, that's normal or nah. Carmel? Is Carmel here? Hi, Carmel. Bus stops, bars, street crossings, in Irish. island instead of lining up, people just seem to mill around and pile in when the time feels right. It doesn't feel like they're being rude and there's no bad manners. It's just sort of

how Irish people roll. Is this normal or no? Normal. Well, at the beginning, before we started the show, we were like, cool, we're like ready to go. And one of the people at the venue who was helping us set everything up, she goes, oh, I'm just letting you know that Irish people always like, She's like, they're just, then, they're not very good timekeepers. And thank you so much. And we were like, oh, that's like five minutes. They were like, maybe a bit longer. And maybe if you like lining up, then maybe you would be on time.

Tapa Linda, is Tapa Linda in the house? There's probably a couple. What do you reckon the odds are there's more than one Linda here? None. Yeah. My guess from that is. It's pretty slim. How is one of Torbs's cousins here?

And there's no sluts called Linda. That is crazy. What are you doing here? My fiance is hosting. Tava Linda has traveled the world and recently returned home to Ireland and she's learned something. In some countries, people don't always thank the bus driver when they get off the bus. I believe that if you don't thank the bus driver here in the bus, I believe that if you don't thank the bus driver

here in Ireland, you're either a tourist or a sociopath. Where were they on holiday in hell? In other parts of the world, it's not so concrete. But here it's almost like a reflex, like breathing. We do it automatically without even thinking about it. Normal. Is that normal? Yeah.

That's the same in Australia. Like, you wouldn't get off a bus without saying, hey. No. A bus is like when you go in... And there's like other people. It's a little bit cheaper. Tony went to a comedy show in the city of Melbourne the weekend before we left and she caught a train and didn't I fucking hear about it.

Little Miss Public Transport Queen over here. Yeah, I did too. But do you know what's crazy and I reckon I've said this about everywhere we've travelled to because it always surprises me. Such an Australian thing that as you're, if you've eaten in a cafe, in a restaurant, whatever, you like yell out and say thanks to the room generally but like whoever's like waited on you or whatever, you like, oh, cheers, man, like, thank you so much. And they go, yeah, all good, like, catcher.

And we do it everywhere, but it's not that common. Is that normal here? Yeah, okay. Oh, well, then why did the person at the cafe yesterday look at me like I had three fucking heads when I went, I went, yeah, cheers, mate, like, all good. And they just went, oh. It was probably the cheers, mate. And you've never sounded more Australian.

Yeah, cheers, come after the coffee. Yeah, 10, four, mate. Right, are there any single ladies in the room? Woo! All right, well, coming up next, I've got some advice for you on how to hook up with Charles tonight. That's you. I must have a shout out to your few bad championers.

That might be going on with Charles tonight. Thomas G. Good on you, Thomas, Dave Cox, Joel Seymour, Kylie Curl. You know, Kylie and her, husband Shane who we met at the Cricket and their son Hamish. We held their kid Hamish in the photo. Oh my God, that's her. Kate Young, good on you Kate.

I never forget the name. Sammy, Amanda King, Anna Omines, spooky. Mary, good on you Mary, Halle Edwards and Amy Koish. Thank you very much for being part of our patron. Absolutely love to say it. Love to say it. Now we should just mention that in the break, I said, has Charles been on the dating apps?

He said no and everyone booed. Yeah. We've never had a booed before. before. Yeah, I liked it. Booze is like supposedly negative. I loved it. Maybe it was people being like, Charles, I'm your boo. Oh, that's not me. Write that down. I write that down. Hang on. I don't know how to get the keyboard up. That's all right. Here are some pickup lines you can use in Dublin and Ireland. Quite specifically. Two Charles. Or anyone. Would you like to go first? No. I need to... Is that one of them? Ha ha ha.

That's good star. I actually need to do a translation check-in. Oh. Is Croke Park? The croaker? Like, okay, cool. Just pretend I didn't just ask it. Croker?

Hardly, no. Thank you. It's low-hanging fruit. Yeah. Is that what you have? Tony, I heard they call you Croker on All Island Day. Big, beautiful structure and about 60,000 lads

have been inside. You've got some good crack, and I wouldn't mind saying it as well. Crack? Because, I know. I get it. Are you the M50, because I'd like to be jammed in your big circle? Are you the M50, because you're four euro to drive on?

Local gear. Are you 40 foot? I'm soaking wet. Oh. Like my Jamison on the rocks, but I'd like to see you on my cocks. Oh! That's very good. This one I feel like works best in an Irish accent, so I'm going to do, I'm going to do my best.

Ah, the perfect Irish did! That's not it, hang on. A painter, ginnis and a lick of the penis. Writing these, right, so Torbs is here with us and he's working. I'm sitting on my laptop like, ha ha ha ha ha, like I look over and he's like writing codes like on his computer looking like he's in the fucking matrix. And I'm just like, ha, crack.

How would we describe Supermax as a place to eat? Did you hear that collective grown? No, there was a fan right up from there. But like you have it like late at night, that's pretty fuck day. What is, like, what's the queuesy? Yeah, what is that supermax? I can't, what? Garlic cheese chips.

That sounds fucking mean. Yeah. Should we get that after this? Yeah. Or a what? Pork sandwich. Oh, the chicken fillet sandwich. I've heard good things.

Yeah. Okay. They call me Supermax. Ending your night with me is something you regret tomorrow morning. But sounds really good at the time. Yeah. Oh, you wouldn't, would you? I'm not going tonight.

I'm not going tonight. Oh, you might as well. Did you know that Ireland's first Olympic medal was for painting? Painting. Because I'd love for you to paint me back doors wide on the way out. I like my pickup lines with a good historical fact. Me too. So that is really cool.

You've come to the right place because I've got a few more of those. Have you ever heard of Oscar Wilde? He's coming up. We call her Tony Temple Bar Lodge because about 90% of Dublin has been inside her at least once. And it's a total rip-off. Not worth the price of admission.

While I was Googling, I saw this term that you use in Ireland and it's like calling someone a bit of a ride. Is that right? Like, oh, they're fucking, they're hot, they're a bit of a ride. Okay, you need to know. about for this. He's a bit of a ride, isn't he? And I'd love to give him a ride. Are people saying

that? Oh, okay. I really, I thought I was really on to something with that. That's okay. I'd still use it. But thank you. Would you say yes? If you said that to me, I'd be like, first of all, original. First of all, first time I've heard it. Second of all, yes. Tony, I'd like to call you heading down to core because I love you. Fuck! Tony, I'd love to call you travelling to core because I hear you love going

down south. There's the historical fact. I heard you want to split the G but have you thought about splitting my sea? If someone here in Ireland goes, I will, yeah. Does that mean they're going to do it?

Oh, everyone's shaking their hat. So it means You won't. I will ya? Yeah. I'm also going to provide an accent. Do you want to practice the... I will yeah?

I will yeah. I will yeah. I will yeah. I will yeah. Oh, that was great. You're definitely going to... You're definitely going to call me tomorrow, right? I will, yeah.

I know there's no snakes in Ireland, but I'd love to see yours. It's crazy for us Australian. if we see someone walking in long grass, we're like, the fuck, snakes. Danger town. And someone goes, we're on an island. They don't exist here. And it's just like, yeah. But we live on an island too, but it's not an Ireland.

It's just an island. But in New Zealand, the same. I was like, Bridget, you can't go over there. And she's like, oh, that's right. Yeah, we don't have that. We don't fuck with that. Yeah. It's like us with guns, I guess.

Don't have to worry. Political gift? Hey, Tony. Want to suck on my Denny sausage till you find the white pudding? Yeah, really drained me spice bags. So you remember before when I mentioned Oscar Wilde? Yes. Yeah, so he's pretty famous.

New knowledge, yeah. The guy who speaks as well as I do. Poet. Writer? Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. You're driving me.

Oscar Wild. He's very famous. Picture of Dorian Gray. That's him. So true. Yeah? Gold Coast. Dorian Gray, put it in my Dorian Slay.

Slay. Sure. Want to know my favourite thing about Tony Lodge? The crack. I'll take it. I'll take it. You done? I'm done.

Yeah, same. Not like over it. Like, that's just all I had. Just going through my list here. Met a cousin across the road at the pub. Tick. Um, who's at his mum's wedding? Tick.

Which one? Do I need? Oh! back? She has? Oh, not yet? No. Oh, it's the dada. That's why I said. The data, yeah. I've got to you love to see it here, Tony Lodge. Oh, amazing, what is it? Can we bring this picture up? Do you please? Whoa! I'd like to have a look at his crook. Yeah.

You can actually see it. Yeah. Now, my love to see it is all the supportive Irish gays saying, I zoomed in. Because sometimes you just need a pump up, you know? No, absolutely. You have confident days, you have low confidence days, and sometimes you just need someone to gash you up and didn't I just fucking love reading all of those? Except for the fact that the only time they've zoomed in is the time when my penis was inside my body because I'd just been swimming up all right.

It was not the time to zoom in. You'd have to really, really zoom in. Someone just said that they zoomed in. I think we should leave them alone. Wow. Fuck, that's got to make you feel good. Call me a gin and tonic because I'm going to be in your mouth soon. Now...

That is the funniest thing you've ever said. Thank you. For those of you playing along at home or just watching the episode, before we started recording, this fucking legend down here snuck in about 17 gin and tonic cans. And if during the episode you've heard any... It was just from down here, so... I've had to guard...

this Guinness with my life. I thought she was going to take it. I've also got A You Love to See It, which is Big Upping Island, because I fucking love to see this. This country has motherfucking Diet Coke. Yes, yeah. It has been such a welcoming place to arrive to because no one went, oh, did you actually mean a Coke Zero?

Everyone went, yeah, last I got a food right now. And I love to fucking see that because everybody said, in Europe, you want to get Diet Coke, Like don't get used to... Well, you've done it. And thank you. Thank you so much. Now, about four and a half years ago, Tony Lodge says to me, a person I've just met,

I want to be a radio host, and I said, I think you need to whip up a demo, so you can email that audio to some radio bosses, and I said, well, look, I'll pretend to be your co-host so you can get a job. And four and a half years later, we uploaded those demos, demos to the internet. Tony still hasn't got a job, but here we are from...

Thank God for me. Thank God for all of us. And the fact that that demo we whipped up in Melbourne and we're now here with people we love in Dublin, I just want to say thank you so much for coming out to know. Thank you. Oh, I was still new up there. Beautiful, yeah. Carpins are the best people in the world. Dublin, thank you so much for coming to the job.