Toni and Ryan - Mabel's First Word

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

You won't believe what she said!!! And how happy we all are about it!!! Love you hehe xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello! And we are calling Emily, who's in Canada. Emily! If I press the right button... Oh. Technical difficulties. User error. Yeah, don't blame Skype for that one. Come on, Emily. Come on, Emily.

Fire a drink first. Hello? Oh, Emily! How you doing? It's Tony and Ryan. Hi! I'm good. How are you? We're very well. You sound very happy and jolly and Canadian.

Yeah, that pretty much sums me up. I was waiting all day for this call. Excellent. All day? Are we running that late, Emily? No, it's the end of the day in Canada. No, no, I just have nothing better to do. I was like, are we running that behind today? No, no, no.

Well, when Emily also says, I've got nothing better to do, I need to ask Emily, how is the job search? Because when you signed up for this a few weeks ago, there's a little thing that's like, where are you from? What do you do for a living? And Emily said, oh, I'm employed as fuck. Damn it. I'm unemployed as fuck, says so uh how how's that how's that going um it's going well I have

an interview tomorrow so but uh you know it's also you know not super exciting because there's not a lot of things to apply for when you work in graphic design apparently. Do you need Tony to be a reference? I would love if Tony would be a reference. I would do that. Emily, we will send you a contact number and if you need to put someone down, we will absolutely answer that call. What happens though, Tony, if you just like gas up Emily, yep, greatest bitch I've ever met, graphic design.

But she's like a murderer. Yeah, and then Emily takes out the whole company and they go. Tony Lodge said that this person was, you know, an A plus hire. Am I on the hook for that? That sounds like a great experience. Killing everyone. Emily, is that what you want to do? Because you need to tell me now legally.

No, no, definitely don't want to do that part, but taking over a company, yeah, sign me up for that. And your approval, cherry on top. Yeah. There you go. Accomplice to murder, is that the term I'm looking for? No, I wouldn't be an accomplice. I think so.

You're accomplicing the murder. That's the definition of. No. Less murders. Less murder chat 2024. Okay, yeah. Out of 2024, killing people you work with. No, no, no murders in 2024.

No. Yeah, great. Emily, will you approve today's episode? I would love to approve the podcast. Legend. Hey, this is Emily from Ottawa in Canada and I approve this podcast. I don't want to make everything all about me, but I've got a life update.

Oh, I'd love to hear that. Second half of the pod today. Oh, is it something that, oh, should I know this beforehand? No, I think it's important to, I want to see how you react in real time. Oh, I'm stressed. Okay. This is what I have to do with Tony when I say, can we chat later? Yeah. It's good. Can we chat later in brackets? Good news.

Good news. Something good. Yeah. Brackets not bad. Yeah, brackets not bad. But first, these are top confessions. That's top confessions. Tony and Ryan podcast confessions. You can submit them frustratingly anonymously at our website, tonyandryan.com.au slash confessions, I believe. It might not be.

Google it. Just click the confessions button. Yeah. Yeah. Tony says frustratingly anonymously because we can't ask follow-up questions. Someone once said, oh, I've got this great story about this. Do you want to hear it? And I'm like, I can't reply.

I can't tell you yes. It comes through as like a form to us and it just says the thing. Yeah. So we can't email you back. Put all the details in the thing. Yeah, we don't get your name. We don't get your number. So if there's things that you leave out, we actually cannot get back to you.

In eighth grade, I pooed in the pool at a pool party and I still think about it every single day. As you should. You shit in a pool? You actually deserve that to be on your conscience forever, I think. Side note, let me set the scene here. When I was in year eight, a boy had a pool party and he only invited girls from our class. There was no guys there.

Is that a baller move or is that weird? Like year eight, like that's a really in between age to be doing moves like that, you know? And is it too obvious? It kind of sounds a bit like I think that this boy in year eight maybe had like an older sibling that had done something similar and they went, well, I'll do that as well. Like that sounds a bit like even as a kid, right,

like having like birthday parties and you would invite kids from your class or whatever, even like boys inviting girls to their birthday parties and girls inviting, it was like a big deal. Really? Be like, oh, yeah, a birthday party. Yeah, he's invited girls. Because it was like the boys hung out on their own

and we all chatted and we were all friends, but it's like that's like not a co-ed activity until like, you know, you're a bit older when you may be like all going to parties together. But when it's like, oh, you can pick 10 people or five people or whatever. What about sleep? What age are you when you have sleepovers? And I don't mean that in like a, I just mean genuinely like we're hanging out and watching movies and staying the night.

So my best friend, Casey Marie, who listens to this podcast, when I was a kid, we lived like a street away from each other and there was like a bush track we like created between two houses. So it took like 30 seconds to get to each other's houses. So we were doing sleepovers from like year five or year six because we lived so close. But I think it was a bit older than that, that I was allowed to go to like other people's houses. What about with boys?

Oh, I sleep over with boys. I mean I had a boyfriend in like year 8 or year 9. What? Yeah. And you were like staying the night? Well, like we just hung out. Like it wasn't like that. It was like we would like hang out and like play Guitar Hero or whatever

and like he'd stay over. And like my mum and dad met his mum and dad. Yeah, that mutual trust. Yeah, like it wasn't like sneaky. And I think my mum and dad were like, they will sneak around if we don't. I'd rather the kids did it in the house. Yeah, like so I think it was kind of like, oh, if we know that they're here or at their house, they're like safe and it's all kosher, whatever.

Absolutely. So that was probably then. But I like also I had like guy friends as well that would like stay over. Yeah, it wasn't a thing. Yeah. I think I've said this a bunch of times, but a lot of my friends lived far away. So you'd all crash at your house or whatever. Yeah, it was just like.

Yeah. A lot of my friends lived far away. So you'd all crash at your house and be like, yeah. When was the first time that you had like a girl or like a sexual friend stay over or like a kissing friend? Like if you're younger and you're just like smooching or, you know, doing a hand job or something. That's not like too much. Our house, I reckon from year eight, I reckon mum got up in the morning

and there was 15 people in the lounge room. The house, yeah. Yeah, just spread out a couch cushion. In her unit. Yeah. That's pretty slight. It's not you. And she'd wake up and go, yeah, righto.

Your mum is the best. Yeah. She's so chill. Yeah. One night, because Dave Parsons is a diabetic and had a few beers and that just fucks with your blood sugar. So he woke up like foaming at the mouth and he's, like, so strong. And we're like, Dave, what's going on?

And he was just like, hey, man. And he, like, looked at my mum and he's just wearing underwear and he, like, started to, like, try and wrestle her. And he's like, stop mucking around, Dave. Come here. She's like, we've got to get you some bread. So she runs across the street to the neighbours, like, has anyone got any chocolate?

And, like, three, Nick Gould's reading your mate with the Audi. Nick Jr. Yeah, and a few others were all like holding Dave down. And mum in her night, he like ran across the street, got some chocolate because she's like, stop mucking around, Dave. And I was like, he's actually like not conscious it's a thing. He's like, oh, okay. So then she runs back over and just shoves the Twix down his throat

and then he's just like. And then like. He came to. He came to and he's just like and then like kind of. He came to. He came to and he's just sitting there like in his jocks, like in his undies and my mum's like sitting on him holding him down. So he wakes up, my mum's sitting on him and he's in his underwear and he's like, what's going on? And then Mandy goes, I got a few Twix up my sleeve.

And that's the end of the podcast. Thanks for coming in, guys. It's been a great three and a half years. All the best. Can we go to a confession after that? I feel like we can't. Let's finish off the pool party poo-er. Okay, the poo-all party.

In eighth grade, I pooed. You can't poo without poo, and I've always said that. Sorry, I'm actually having a really difficult time saying pooed in a pool at a pool party. Yeah. In eighth grade, I pooed in the pool at a pool party. We went swimming. We ate.

We went swimming again and let the record show I did not wait 20 minutes. Is that why? So that you don't shit in the pool? I thought it was more of a don't drown thing. I thought it was that you'll be too heavy and you'll, yeah, sink. That doesn't make sense. In 2024, I am now known as a hot girl with IBS. Yeah.

But back then I was just an anxious young teen with a constantly sore tummy and after eating at the pool putty, my body decided with no warning that I needed to poop and I pooed in my bathing costume whilst in the pool. Was it a solid poo? Okay. So did the poo float out of the bathers? I went to the edge of the pool and, like,

kind of pulled the bathers to the side and let the poo out of the bathers. Surely that is the last thing you would do. I thought I'd gotten away with it until the diving toys came out. You know those things? Yeah, I do. They stand up like this and you like dive down and like grab them and bring them back up. Wouldn't a poo float?

Apparently not. Bob around like this. Okay. The birthday boy said, oh, there's another one down there. Dives in. And, you know, with those toys, it's like you've found a prize, like a toy, like a trophy. No, I've played before.

He came up from under the water like he was holding a prize, but once he got a proper look, I've never seen a face change so fast. The fear in his eyes. As soon as he realized he was holding a shit in his hand and parading it around to his friends, he panicked and flung it back. Girls, all girls. All girls, flung it back into the pool. His dad had to scoop it out with a net.

Who's a net? Yeah, she was a girl that lived down the road. A net, come here. A net, it's happening again. I'll hold you by the ankles if you're going and if I can grab a tweed up. They asked everyone. The little sister was questioned. The dog was accused.

Yeah, she accused the dog for sure. I wouldn't tell and I never will tell a soul in real life that I shat in a pool that day, nor will I ever go swimming straight after eating. Ah, man. Hey, it's Emily from Ottawa in Canada and you're listening to

Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. That's tapas, Tony and Ryan podcast. J. Roll Ruiz. Thank you, J. Sorry, I just was sitting on my shirt and it really stressed me out. Joel Newberry.

Sorry, I had a. Who would have known sitting on a seat would be so stressful? Are you okay? You actually wouldn't believe. I would. I wouldn't have two and a half years ago, but I would now. Yeah, I'm not very good at it. Sitting or not being stressed? Sitting.

We're both, but sitting. Some would argue you're great at sitting. No, I'm not because I just get uncomfortable so easily. Yeah. I do. And like this chair that I'm sitting on is like rattan. It's not a, yeah. And it's not very comfortable to sit on.

And I've got shorts on. So I'm getting those little diamonds on my butt. Like I can feel it like pressing into my legs like a stamp. Your legs are squeezing through the holes of the rattan. Yeah. And I know that I'm going to stand up and it's going to be like, oh, diamond butt. I won't say anything.

Thank you. But it's just uncomfortable because I can feel it. Anyway, Jay, good on you. Joel Newberry. Oh, Joel Albury. Courtney Ogden. Nikki Nikki. Oh, wiki wiki.

And Natalie Foster. Good on you guys. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. I said earlier I have some life news. I'm really excited. What is it? Lay it on me, big dog. Is that big news sort of energy?

Yeah, it is. Yo, big dog, drop it, son. I'm also just, like, pumped for you. And I don't get stressed. I just, like, take things as they come. My daughter Mabel has said her first word. And it was dad. Oh!

Yep. And after a tough pregnancy, a dramatic birth that sort of didn't go to plan, a tough pregnancy, a dramatic birth that sort of didn't go to plan. After being the primary feeding mother and looking after Mabel 24-7, my wee two at America for a month, Bridget is fine with it. Yeah. Yep. She is a-okay with, and she hasn't just said it once,

she says it all day now. So when I get home, it's dad, dad, dad. And she says dad a lot. I've actually, I've seen her say it. And it is, she like, her eyes light up and she goes, dad, dad, dad. Like it is so cute. And how did Bridget look when you saw her? Well, I did actually, I would like to just jump in here and say that I did attempt to do some reconnaissance work.

You did? And I appreciate that. And I said, no, no, no, what about mum, mum, mum? Yeah. Mum, mum, mum? And she went, dad, dad, dad? Yeah. She just backed it in so hard. Her second word, because she now knows BJ, is dog, dog, dog.

Right. Oh, God, that's not good. Yeah. I mean, great for Mabes. She's like a minute old and she's already talking. And Bridget Fimer, pretty good. All good. Totally fine.

In other news, after sitting next to each other for 87,000 flights in 2023, the two of us, Tony and Ryan, all around Australia, New Zealand, the USA, we literally never flew without sitting next to each other for the whole year. But somehow I, Ryan, am gold status with Qantas Airlines and Tony is silver status and Tony is also fine with it. Yes, I am. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. All good. All good. So is this just like you flexing? No, I'm just saying all the ladies in my life, it's all good. There's no passive aggressive comments going around. Everyone's happy for me. The thing is, is that you bring it up an awful lot.

You bring it up more than me. When I bring it up with you, it's more like, hey, do you want to be my plus one for the gold lounge? And I say yes. Because I love a foie sandwich. You do love a foie sandwich. You do bring it up when you go, oh, I'll just be over here in the line with everyone else.

It's because also like they let you in, oh, Mr. Dunn, yeah, and then they grab me by the scruff of the neck and they go, we'll have to see your ticket. Like it's like I'm trying to jump the fence at a music festival. Like they really like they let you flash that gold. They go, oh, lovely to see you again. How's your daughter, Mabel? Is she still on this thing, Dad?

And then I try and walk in and they go, oh, yeah, like, you know, for security, got to check your ID, your passport, your ticket. You know. To be fair. Watch your blood type. It's like you got to answer, just tell them what your mum's maiden name was to get in. The first time I took you through as a plus one,

you did accidentally leave scissors in your bag. So you didn't get off to a good start. Yeah. And actually. That was such to impact my gold status rating. Yeah. Because we might need a demo, Ryan, because he brings those hoes through. He's bringing people in with scissors and stuff. Yeah, no, that wasn't great.

So ordinarily, first word, dad, gold status. I mean, what else is there in life, really? Well, I mean, yeah, you're flying through life. I feel like I can't celebrate that because the people around me don't like it. Well, I think that. Not without. And like I said, the reasoning is 100% all there. Yeah.

I didn't choose to be gold and have Tony stay silver. I didn't tell Mabel to say dad, dad, dad, dad. This is the thing is that because I know you're a really nice guy, I know that if someone walked over here, right, Mr. Qantas walks over and says, oh, Ryan, if you'd like to be gold but Tony has to stay silver, what would you want? You would go, no, no, no, no, don't worry. Like you would never choose that.

And to be honest, as long as one of us, because I only ever travel with you, it's actually fine because it means that I get my foie sandwich. Well, it's interesting you say that because. Except I don't like that you get priority boarding because you don't like getting, I like to get on early and then if I have to, I like to sit down and get myself because I like to sit on the window. And so I sit and I tuck myself in.

And, like, you know, sometimes when you sit on an older plane and the seatbelt's really short and I go, oh, you know what? I'll grab a seatbelt extender. That might be a bit more comfy. You get on first. You can ask for that. You're already tucked in. You're fine.

You know what I mean? And you're all good. You get priority boarding with gold. Yep, sure do. And you still stand at the back of the fucking line like a silver person. But that's the only thing. I don't really care. I don't really care about the lounge, to be honest.

The foie sandwich, yeah, sure. But I will sit at that gate all day fucking long. Yeah. If I can see the gate, I'm set. I'm fine. day fucking long. Yeah. I don't, as long, if I can see the gate, I'm set.

I'm fine. But the priority boarding is the thing that I would want purely because I like to get on soon. James, what? If you fucking say that you're gold as well, I'm going to fucking jump off. I am. But you do know that if you're traveling together and one of you is gold, you can both board priority together. I did not know that if you're traveling together and one of you is gold, you can both board priority together? I did not know that.

I knew we could go through security together and in the lounge. I didn't know we could board together. Okay. Why did you say that? You've ruined this for me. No, this is great. I'm fine. I'll never fly again.

Yep. I'll fly for free. One of the great, because what normally happens is before a flight, I'll need to pee 57 times cause I get nervous. You also don't like lines. You get a bit claustrophobic. So when it gets time to board, like Tony wants to get in first, I want to go pee a few times.

So we'll kind of like, you know, we'll do our own thing in the last five or 10 minutes. Um, but this one time in particular, Tony was at the gate fucking eight days early and I was going to the bathroom, just trying to relax. Cause I'm a bit of a nervous flyer. Yeah. And Tony was in line, standing in line, like everyone boarding to Melbourne, please get ready, everyone's lined up. And it's like gold and platinum and business and stuff are like on one line

and then economy's on the other side. So I was just like standing in the economy line. So Tony, who got there three hours earlier than me, had to watch me then just like waltz past her. Because Ryan goes. And then I sat in my seat because I'm on the aisle and Tony's in the middle. Then I had to get up and let Tony in. So we always pick the same seats, right?

So I am A, B, C, D, E, F. I am always 28F. Yep. And Ryan is 28D. Yep. And we pick the exact same seats right at the back every single time, second row from the back, and hope that no one picks the middle seat. Yeah.

And often, except when you fly to Sydney because those flights are always full, we often get pretty lucky because people don't like sitting down the back near the toilet. Yeah. But it's perfect for you. Perfect for me. Perfect for me because they often say, yep, rows 30 to 15, board first. So I go, well, I'm 29.

I'm fucking in. See ya. But then this flight was really, really busy. And they did that announcement that was like, if anybody has any hand luggage that can actually be stowed, we won't be charging for extra luggage today. But we will come to the front. Please drop your thing off. And Ryan goes, fuck, I've got carry on. I don't want to get on the plane when there's no more space.

So he goes, oh, I will take advantage of my priority boarding. I've been standing there for eight days. He waltzes on and then, yeah, he had to get up to let me on. He goes, oh, mate, sorry, didn't you want to catch this flight? And I was, I was on fire. Like they shouldn't have let me on the tarmac because I was a fire risk Like it was not good Could have melted a tyre

It was honestly like the jet fuel plus Tony was like explosion town Yep But When I saw Oppenheimer the explosion was nothing compared to what I saw that day Literally I was fucking red and I was just like oh You know that I lied like I did everything right and I still. Well, James has brought some crucial information to the table. That is good information.

He goes, and I also know how to make your daughter say mum instead of dad. Mama. Mum, mum, mum. Yeah. Yeah. Well, one problem solved. One lady in your life is now happy. But one out of two ain't bad.

And you know what they say? Don't wear white after Labor Day. I don't know. I don't wear white anytime we're eating. I learned that at your house. Every day. Every day. Every day.

You know, it's such a fucking. Well, happy wife, happy life, mate. You've brought that into this studio. I regret it. Yeah, no, I regret that. Let me turn this around whether you love to see it. Great. Michelle in a community Facebook page has said,

who the hell left this in the park? Tony, have a look what's on your phone. Oh. What animal can you see and what are they holding? It's a beautiful little dog. I think it's like a cocker spaniel. I wouldn't have said that. Like a spaniel.

Well, it is a cocker spaniel. And it's holding a huge black dildo in its mouth like a bone. Yeah. Boner. Like he's found a toy in the park. Yeah. Michelle says, worst thing, I couldn't get it off him and he wouldn't let it go.

So he's running. You know when a dog gets a stick? Oh, I wouldn't try and get that out of its mouth. Yeah. You touch it with your... Oh, yeah. Wouldn't let that dog lick your face after that either. And this just occurred to me, it's in the dog's mouth.

Yeah. Well, dog's mouth's like... They're saying some shit. Yeah. I let people lick me on the mouth because I love her. But then sometimes I do think about like how yuck it is. But also keep my immune system on its toes. You know, keep it fresh.

You know. No. Oh, okay. You know what? In today's episode thread, there will be people that are like, I also let my dog kiss me on the mouth. And it's fine. We're all fine with that.

Just because other people say, if everyone said jump off a cliff, would you do it? Probably. Actually, you actually probably would. Oh, well, everyone's doing it. Yeah, so don't do it. But you usually just love to see that. That is, well, you don't really love to see it.

I love to see that it happened to someone that wasn't me. I've heard you love to see it, but I can't decide if it's a recommendation or not, but I need to talk about it. So I want other people to watch this movie that I watched and tell me what they thought. It's Tony Lodge's book club, but it's actually a movie. I watched this movie called I Care A Lot with Rosamund Pike in it.

Have you seen that? Has anyone seen that? No. Okay. So basically it's this movie where she is like a carer for like people who they damn can't look after themselves. So it's a lot of like old people. But she like takes advantage.

So it's like rich older people that like don't have family. She goes, yeah, I'll care for them. I have seen this. And then like takes advantage of them and basically. And she does a number on heaps of people. Yeah. Until someone stands up to her. Yeah, she like kind of picks the wrong person.

I have seen this. You have seen that? It is great. Okay, because I liked it too. And then I was like, I wonder if people love this movie. I'd love to start a little chat. It's infuriating. It is.

She's so good at being a bitch. But like you don't want her to win because she's so nasty, but then someone else you want to win even less is part of it. You're like, ah! Yeah, I hate all of you. I'm so torn about every person in this. Yeah. Yeah.

So I would like for people to chat today in the Facebook thread because I can't decide, like, where I stand. Yeah. And I need people to tell me how they felt. Isn't she such a great for that role? Oh, yeah. She does such a great I'm a bitch but I will give you that trust. Oh, hello, dear.

That is really all good. Yeah. It's infuriating. It is really like, again, you kind of don't want her to win but then you don't want someone else to win and then someone else comes in and you're like, well, I don't fucking want her to win. Good call.

But watch that movie and tell me what you think because I can't decide if it's a recommendation or an anti-recommendation. Find out tomorrow. Oh, I have another one. I'll have to see it. Can I do another one? Sure. It's because this has only just been brought to my attention.

Yeah. Yesterday. Yeah. I was trying to avoid saying the words corn hub. Oh, well, now you've said it. So I said for lols, corn hub. No, no, now you've said it. So I said for lols, corn hub. No, no, no, no, no. I believe you said corn chub.

It started with corn chub. And we then said, wouldn't it be funny if corn hub was like, and I said the husks, if it was one husk put down in a sexy way. If you go to corn hub.website, which is in itself an interesting URL choice. Am I about to download a virus to my laptop? No, no, no. Have a look though. Okay, hang on.

Sorry, website. The bloody internet is bloody. Oh, no, it's not letting me connect. I'll just show you. I've been... Oh, no. Hot corn videos worldwide. Sliced cobs cooked together.

Kernels get messy in mass popping event. That is... Do you like corn stars tricked into a three-way and there's three pieces of corn there? Oh, I can't see that one. We've got different algorithms. Yeah, we have, yeah. Big truck shoots corny seeds in container.

Corn gets hot while girlfriend is being buttered. Corn stars get the grilling of a lifetime. Cute and innocent cobs get boiled. Fuck, that's grim. That's sadism, surely. That's hilarious. That was funny. Whoever made that.

Get a fucking hobby. No, I disagree. A copy. Keep this hobby. That's amazing. Oh, you love to say that. There's your conspiracy. We'll chat to you guys tomorrow.

Love you, bye.