Toni and Ryan - Mabel's Trophy

Episode Date: May 5, 2024

Can we all agree Mabel is the BEST of the BEST?! Okay maybe I'm a biased Aunt Totti! Love ya xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. I'm fucking nervous and I'm not trying to be a creepy guy. Oh, don't. Just don't say anything. We're going to call Emily and it looks like she lives in the town of Chick's Chicka Peas. Chicka Pee. Chicka Poo. Chick Pee.

Chick Pee. Chicka Pee. Hummus. Have you ever had Tum? Like the garlic sauce? Fuck, that's good. I'll get you some after this. Okay. Is that made of chickpeas? No. What's it made of? Garlic.

Oh, good. Just go straight. Yeah. Hello? Emily! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Hi!

I'm great. How are you? We're great. Well, but we're wondering why you live in Hummus. Is it Hummus? How do we say the name of your town? I think you might be looking at the wrong... How do we say the name of your town? I think you might be looking at the wrong. How do you say the name of the town?

Chickpea? Yeah, chickpeas. Oh, chickpea. Oh, great. Oh, Emily, there's no fucking way that's the first time you've heard that. No, it literally is the first time, yeah. America asleep. All of them.

Who is not making that joke every single day? Who's driving through Massachusetts, driving through Chickpea and not talking about, Tony's talking about Tum, Hummus. What's going on over there, Emily? I don't know. We just call it Chickpea. And if you're from here, and well, I didn't

actually grow up here. I grew up in the town of Stover, and we would call the people from Chicka Trash. Oh, and then you announced to all your friends that you're moving to Chicka Pea. They go, oh, lovely place. Yeah, exactly. I hope they don't call you Chicka Trash, Emily. No, I don't think so.

Now, this is a question on behalf of the rest of the world. Now, you live... It's a big responsibility, man. If I'm right, you're slightly north of Springfield, right? I am. Is there 15 Springfields in every fucking state of America? Because I feel like every place is near Springfield. Yes.

There's like a million of them. Is that why the Simpsons called it Springfield? Because there's a million of them and it could be like just another Springfield? Yeah, it could be anything. Like I think it was supposed to be like generic. Every Springfield in the country thinks it's about them. Yeah, everyone's got main character energy. Yeah, because we go over and we go, oh, let's go to Springfield like the Simpsons, ha, ha, ha, and then you go, ooh. There's 80.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which one? Well, Emily from near one of the Springfields, would you approve today's episode? Absolutely. Woo-hoo. Hey, it's Emily from Chicopee, Massachusetts, and I approve this podcast.

Yeah. Hey, it's Emily from Chicopee, Massachusetts, and I approve this podcast. Coming up today, I'm going to get on my parenting high horse. Oh, no, don't do that. Why not? No, it's good. Oh, no. It's do that. Why not? No, it's good. Oh, no. It's a supportive message for the people. A high horse plus supportive does not, that's not what you normally hear though.

A high horse, getting on your high horse. Mabel, my daughter, was called something and I didn't like it. Oh. And I'm going to get on my high horse and tell that person that they can fuck right off. I will be on the horse with you. That's what I thought. That's what I thought.

I hope it's a huge horse that can hold both of us. It's a Clydesdale. What does that mean? Big. Good. Why do you know that? They are big. But why do you know that?

I don't know. Do you know the only pony name I know is Shetland one? Yeah, no, that's the total opposite. Yeah, but they've got the little flare pants on. Yeah. They've got the little hair on their feet. Like me. Kimmy, Dave Parsons' partner.

Yeah. We used to call her a little Shetland, like a Shetland human. Because she's little. She's real little. Yeah, she is little. And also has flared hooves. First, though, one of my favorite new segments, they're all my favorites, but this is especially,

things that are embarrassing that shouldn't be embarrassing. Oh, yep. Sarah, who listens to the podcast, she's messaged through. Thank you, Sarah. Hey, Sarah. Why is it so embarrassing when you have to acknowledge your existence when sitting on the toilet and someone else comes and knocks on the door? And we kind of, like, mumble a few words in shame.

So what do you say? Okay, you're sitting in the toilet at a workplace or something. Someone walks in. Oh, sorry. That's what I normally say. Why am I sorry for being in the bathroom? I think what I say is actually not even words. Oh, okay.

Let's try it. Oh, I ain't saying. Yeah. Because you just need to get a sound out as quickly as possible so that they know you're in there. You also need to cough before they knock. So just remember. Oh, I do a cough.

Yeah. Quite often if I'm worried someone's going to come. Just to remind people that or like unfurl the toilet paper loudly. Like give it a. Once. How annoying is it when you go to like rip the toilet paper loudly, like give it a... How annoying is it when you go to rip the toilet paper and you really get onto it and unfurls the whole roll? Then what are you going to do?

And if you're in a public toilet, you often can't do anything because it's inside that little capsule. So you kind of just have to commit to how it might just come up. It looks like I'm going to be real clean today. Once Torbs and I were having sex in a share house and somebody knocked on the door or went to open the door and Torbs went, Occupado, while he was inside me.

I was Occupado and so was the room. Sorry, someone's already parked here. Occupardon? No. I beg your octopardon. But it's not oct... It's four. It's eight pardons.

Our octopus is pardoned. Octopus is pardoned in the shade. Does he often say occupardo? No. Why was that in his vernacular? I have no idea. I've never heard him say it. I've never heard him say it. Have you said. Why was that in his vernacular? I have no idea. I've never heard him say it. I've never heard him say it.

Did he say it in a high-pitched voice? No, he went to his house. Did he grunt it out? No, he's got a really deep voice. I can't do it. No, you go. You'll be all right. I can't.

Go on. Ocupado. Like it wasn't in like a sing-song voice. It wasn't like, oh, Occupado. Oh, it definitely wasn't like that. No, it wasn't fucking Hellboy. I mean, that's a shame. Yeah, it was a shame.

Speaking of shame, Sarah says, why do I feel so much shame? Yeah, it's awkward. I think it's the vulnerability. It's that you have literally been caught with your pants around your ankles. Thanks for laughing about that. Krista asks, why is choking in public so embarrassing? The person who should be embarrassed is the person who decided

to put the food hole next to the air hole. Shame on them. That's true. What's God doing? Krista said, if I'm choking, please don't help me or cause a scene. I'd rather suffocate and die than experience the embarrassment of people gathering around to help me breathe. My friend Tim came over for dinner the other night,

and we were doing homemade pizzas. And before that, because Torbs wasn't home from work yet, it was a Friday night and we were, like, having a little vino. And I put out Tim's. Oh, that's nice for him. Tim's gluten free. Oh, I don't know. And his partner, Cam, like, eats whatever, but he's gluten free.

So I chopped up some carrots and I got some gluten free. We're making pizza. Eat some carrots. No, no, no, no. This was like, I was like, just a little nib some gluten-free. We're making pizza. Eat some carrots. No, no, no. This was like just a little nibble before. Okay, righto, yeah. So I chopped up some carrot sticks. I was just imagining you sitting there with pizzas

and then you're like, here's a carrot. Here's a carrot. No. Have a carrot, I guess. Yeah. Does this have gluten in it? Yeah. I chopped up some carrot sticks and some gluten-free crackers

on the thing and some dip and Tim took a bite of carrot and it got like stuck in his throat. And so we're like standing in my kitchen and I'm cutting up the stuff for the pizzas. I'm like, how was your week? They've not long moved to Melbourne

so it's kind of like, oh, is the house going good? Any little quirks you found about your neighborhood or whatever? And we're trying to have this conversation and kind of like, oh, like, is the house going good? Like any little quirks you found about your neighborhood or whatever. And like, we're trying to have this conversation. Tim's like. And he's got this bit of carrot stuck in his throat. And he's like. It's just getting like louder.

And I was like, are you okay? And he's like, yeah, I'm fine. It's actually fine. Yeah, I'm fine. And I was just like, what's going on? Do you want some water? You don't look like it. He's going blue. I'm like, do you want some water?

Can I get you anything? He's like, no, it's actually okay. So is this the guy's house you were at when Torbs kicked the door? Tripped on the step. You guys got to stop hanging out with each other. Yeah, it's bad. Any time. You could be next.

I keep saying it's a bad toeman, which is fun, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck off. What would this second toeman be? Choke hold something maybe. Yeah. Carrot.

I don't have anything. This never happened to me before. It's a cat. It's Tim. It is before. It's a cat. It's Tim. It is Tim. Tim's ruining me. But, and he was doing the choke in my kitchen. And did he want help in the end or did he also rather be let die?

He's doing the handshake. Did he eventually get out or is he still there? He got it back, but he's like standing in my kitchen like. And I was like, can you fucking, like, not? Yeah. Like, you know, this is a classy adult house. If you can't breathe, like, just go into the spare room and just fucking die.

Hack it up. Go into the backyard and, like, you know, get some guff behind it. People will get out there and give you. Do you know what I mean? Like, you obviously need privacy. Yeah. Feel free to leave my kitchen while that's happening. Like you obviously need privacy.

Feel free to leave my kitchen while that's happening. Tony has previously stated her thoughts on doctors giving you some privacy while you get changed. Well, it seems funny that they say, I'll let you get out of your clothes and I'll leave the room, but then they come in and put their hand inside your body. I feel like I'd rather that you saw my knickers as well. It feels like skipping the dinner and going straight to the. Ashley says, considering what my gynecologist is about to see,

why do I feel the need to hide my underwear? I wrap my underwear up so tightly in my jeans. Underneath your jeans. Because heaven forbid the person who's about to literally look inside my vagina might see some random material or fabric. Yep. Oh, and it's so embarrassing, isn't it? Shame.

Oh, yes, that is so. I wonder if this is, is everybody doing this? Like have you ever been to a doctor's office and you've had to like get undressed or whatever? Yeah, or even like a massage or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you hide your knickers. Why are we doing that? I can't see that.

Well. Heaven forbid they see I'm wearing black Bonds underwear. How embarrassing. Wow. You're telling everyone. Name dropper. Bonds. Nice.

We were talking about it before we started recording. We were having underwear chat because underwear chat, expensive. Expensive. Expensive. I've just bought new underwear and I had to lease my spare room. To Cam. Yeah, Tim's living in there trying to fucking cough his carrot out. That sounds like a euphemism.

It wasn't. Alexandra Paul said, looking at the price tag on clothing. Like it's a shop. You feel so cheap. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. The whole point is like they've got stuff on offer.

You see how much it is. Do I want to spend that much money on this thing? But we have to for some reason pretend. We don't know what it costs. And she goes, when it's too expensive, does anyone do the hand slightly goes from the price tag to the thing and like kind of that feel the fabric? Oh, that's nice.

Okay. That's a T-shirt. I've never felt one of these before. Interesting. That's cute. Maybe for me today. Yeah., okay. That's a T-shirt. I've never felt one of these before. That's cute. Maybe not for me today. Do you know what's- Thank you.

That isn't great, but what's worse is if you go to like a, I'm thinking like a furniture showroom because the people always come over and they're like talking to you and they're like, oh, this one's beautiful, isn't it? It comes in 95 fucking colours and whatever. And then you go, oh, and you need to know how much it is because it's a couch so you know that it's going to be expensive a couch can be between one thousand and a million dollars like the limit does the range is so wide on a couch and then so you're looking at it and

you have to ask the question be like how much is that one? And they go, that's $45,000. And you go, oh. Okay. As if that could not have offended you less. Like, and you go, oh, I do have the cash for that one. Do you have a sales section? Yeah. You know, or they go, oh, so are you going to go for the $100 one or the $45,000 one?

And you go, I love the color of the $100 one. It's just. It's comfier. The expensive one comes in that color. I don't think so. No, I think that one's out of stock, unfortunately. Like you've got to come up with this whole backstory about how like your grandma's allergic to the $45,000 one and you've got to get the cheaper one.

I've changed my tune though. Of what? Like now I've got them justifying the price to me. What? Tell me how expensive an expensive thing is. If you're working in the shop. Okay, how much is that one? Are you interested in this iPhone?

It's $45,000. Oh, you're charging $45,000 for that? Well, yeah, I mean it's top of the range. So suddenly you're justifying. You go, oh, for that? Oh, I wouldn't have, no. For that? Well, yeah.

As if you're accusing them of like, yours isn't that good. That is such a power move. Who are you? But like, if I was spending 45 on a couch, brackets, not. Never. But it's sort of like, if I was spending 45 on a couch, I'd get better than that. That is such a power move.

And I'm pretty attracted to you at this point. Thank you. But then because of that reason, that's why you leave. But then you get in your fucking. I get in my Toyota Yaris and I'll walk to the bus stop. Yeah. Yeah. Jump on the tram and go, can you believe what that was up? Tony Lodge.

Sorry. Beat that. Sorry. Okay. And then I head back to Facebook Marketplace. Yeah. And get the one that the dog used to sleep on for free. Free if you come get it today.

Yeah. Yeah, and I will not help you load it into your car. Tapa Vicky. Hey, Vicky. She said, this shouldn't be embarrassing, but sometimes I roll the dice and decide, yeah, it could rain today, so I'm going to take an umbrella with me. And then later in the day it turns out to be a glorious sunny afternoon

and it's like she thinks everyone's looking at her holding the umbrella going, made the wrong call there. Umbrellas are stupid. Agreed. Just get wet, dog. Yeah. Or stay inside. Like where are you? Just get wet, dog. Yeah. Like, fuck. Or stay inside. Like, where are you?

Like, I just, nah. See, Tony never leaves the house and neither do I. Nah. And this is why. I'll cop a raincoat or something. Yeah. But, like, an umbrella is just the worst. Did your Audi come with an umbrella?

Did your Audi come with an umbrella? If anyone wants to, oh, can we give it away in Ryan's next merch pack? Bonanza. It's a really, it's like quite a good quality umbrella. Someone's changed their children's umbrellas. And I don't use it, but like it's nice. Well, if you don't need it, what are you thinking about resale? Yeah, maybe $45,000. Does it come with an umbrella? And they go, no. And you go, well, for $45,000. Does it come with an umbrella?

And they go, no. And you go, well, for $45,000. Yeah, that's what you want. Yeah, that's what you fucking want. You give the people what they want. Fuck it. Hey, it's Emily from Chicopee, Massachusetts, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapions over at our Patreon.

Lisa Clementson Sislak. Moe Sislak's sister. Lisa got married to Mahu. Oh, my God. Lisa Sislak. I didn't see that coming. Tamir, I'm watching The Simpsons at the moment as my background show. Okay.

Like at home I've just always got, because there's like 900 seasons of it, so it never runs out. So it's just like on loop in the background when I'm like cleaning the house or whatever. And I'm deep in Simpsons lore because I'm like so far back. Tamira Smith, good on you, Tamira. I love that name, Tamira. Ali, fuck. Ashley Naylor. I didn't know Good on you, Tamira. I love that name, Tamira. Ali. Fuck.

Ashley Naylor. I didn't know that. That's for sure. Anastasia Beaverhausen. How's your Beaverhausen? I just bought new ones. I bought new underwear on the weekend. Ziva Storm. Good on you, Ziva. That's funny. That is funny. Thank you very much for being part of the Patreon.

Fucking love to see it instead of we fucking hitting in the face get ready yeah but first um instead of texting my wife bridget yesterday i accidentally text tony and asked how her her bush was um what did i say we were texting like about work so i'm like oh, I'll grab that on the way to the studio or whatever. It's like a Sunday. So we're like casually texting about like the week ahead. And Ryan goes, how was the bush kinder? And I said, excuse me?

And he said, wrong wife. Wrong wife. I sent it to my wife, Bridget, because Mabel, our one-year-old daughter, goes to bush kinder. So bush kinder, if you don't know, like they trek through the bush, they learn about the outdoors and the environment. They share like Indigenous stories. That's really cool that they do that.

And there's a cute little bush kitchen and Mabel loves like slopping the mud into the pots and making like little mud pies. Did you ever make mud pies as a kid? No, I think I missed out. Oh, we used to because like we had a big house like in the suburbs so we had like a massive, you're about to sneeze. I am about to sneeze. Yeah.

I can see the signs. I saw the sign. And you sneezed into my vagina. I saw the sign. You had a big house in the suburbs. Yeah, and so we would be out the back and there was like always like big heaps of fucking dirt and stuff and i used to love it and whenever mum got new tupperware yeah or new stuff for the kitchen it meant that i got the old stuff like out in the garden so i fucking loved it she's at that age we're putting stuff into containers taking stuff out of containers, like just loves it.

Random question. Random question. When you were young, like as a child, did you feel like an expectation of like what a girl was supposed to be, like pink dresses and being polite and proper and a lady and all that kind of, you know, we'd sort of turn our nose up at the stereotype of that now, I guess. I kind of still feel that as a person now, like that women should be like polite all the time and like quiet.

But as a kid, definitely, because a lot of the girls I went to primary school with, like they were like, I love horses and ponies. And I was like, oh, I'm not really into that. Like my dad had motorbikes yeah so like i had a baby born named kate that i loved so i like loved dolls loved playing with barbies all that stuff but then i would also be like making mud pies and like hanging out in the shed with my dad so i feel like i got like both kind of i mean it's yuck to say that but both kind of sides yeah um but my's yuck to say that, but both kind of sides. Yeah.

But my parents were very like, you are who you are. Like they didn't make me kind of either side. So in Mabel's group, there's a few mums who turn their noses up that their daughters might be getting muddy or Mabel turns up in like crappier clothes because she knows it's muddy time. Yeah, you're going to get dirty. Yeah. Yeah. And, you're going to get dirty. Yeah. And, you know, heaven forbid their daughter's not being perfect,

pristine, pretty girl in pink at all possible times. Like there's a few like hoity-toity mums there. Oh. So I think I speak for most of us when I say give me a fucking spell. Like get the fuck over it. I think as well they're just like kids having fun. I can appreciate like if you weren't planning on getting dirty, bowel like yeah get the fuck over it i think as well they're just like kids having fun i do i can appreciate like if you weren't planning on getting dirty yeah like say you were about to go out

somewhere and your kid gets all dirty and you go fuck now i've got to clean you up and get you changed because we're heading out but like you're going to the bush kinder for that right like you're you know fucking around and whatever like that's what it's that's an activity for that so one of the mums with a bit of a carly conti attitude after the play group said looks like mabel wins the muddiest girl award what fuck you like are you and she said it like that yeah what here's my advice for mabel and anyone who wants to take this advice you're free to use it but this is what i'll be encouraging my daughter to do i don't care what you do but whatever it is try your best to do the absolute fuck out of it yeah do. Do we agree with that? Do the fuck out of it.

Yeah, 100%. If you want to ride a bike, ride it as best you can. You want to cook a meal, cook the best meal you can. You want to grow up and be a plumber, be the best fucking plumber you can be. Yeah, do the fuck out of it. All fucking good. If you want to jump in the mud and get messy. That's what we're doing, dog.

Be the absolute muddiest and messiest person you can be. Yeah. So when someone says, looks like Mabel wins the muddiest award, where's the fucking trophy? Yeah. She is. She got hell muddy. She muddied the fuck out of those pants.

And if you're offering the trophy, give it to me. Yeah. Because I'll put it on my mantelpiece. Because my kid's a fucking winner. Yeah. Shit. She wanted to be muddy and she did the fuck out of being muddy. So, oh, she won the award.

Give me the award because I'll put it on my mantle piece and be the proudest fucking dad ever and you can go fuck yourself. Do you know what? I'll take Mabel to Bushkinder next week. Please. And I'll get muddy too. Yeah. In fact, let's all head down there.

Let's all go down there, get real muddy and show this mum what for. Yeah. And she's a real piece of work, this mum as well, apparently. So is it not like Bridger's normal crew? No, it's a new, it's a class, like it's a new thing. Oh, because you know how like her mum's group, they're all great. No, it's not a mum's group. Because they're all great.

Yeah, because that's why I was like, oh, is this like a new thing? If you had a, imagine you had a daughter, right? Yeah, I do. And you have a, my mistake. Thank you. And your daughter could be someone who either did the fuck out of something or grew up to be like a judgmental piece of shit. What would you prefer for your child?

I'd obviously prefer the one that's winning the muddiest. I'm choosing Mabel. The muddiest little girl award. I'm choosing Mabel. I just also think like if your kid's not into getting muddy. I think the kids were though. But what I'm saying is like if your kid's not into getting muddy i think the kids i think the kids were though but what i'm saying is like my daughter doesn't do that come back here sweetie don't get in the mud but if your kid is not into getting muddy and didn't

want to play that that's also fine yeah but i think like making a snarky remark about a kid is just like completely unnecessary whether it's because they're muddy or clean or fucking literally anything yeah they're it's a fucking baby yeah or clean or fucking literally anything yeah they're it's a fucking baby yeah she's one fucking years old oh producer sophie yep that's the question yeah question were the other little boys getting muddy um mabel was definitely the muddiest of all genders but all the kids were getting muddy but everyone was outside it was a bit of a wet day whatever but it was that's the issue this one this one mum was like, even though the daughter wanted to, she's like, my daughter won't be getting muddy

because she's a pretty proper girl. No, no, no, but I actually don't think that's a problem. Not wanting your kid to get muddy isn't the problem. The problem is like commenting on. Someone else's kid. Yeah, just fucking mind your own business. Like it's beside the point whether your kid does or doesn't want to get money.

Like that's your fucking prerogative. But like don't fucking make other people feel like shit. Like she was there having fun. You know when you went to that bakery in some place when you got the new car and it was like the best pies in Victoria? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Mabel's Mud Pies on sale there? Yeah, I bought one. Great. And I took it in the Audi and it went everywhere. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Mabel's Mud Pies on sale there? Yeah, I bought one.

Great. And I took it in the Audi and it went everywhere. Great. Yeah, muddiest Audi it won. Won an umbrella. Won an umbrella on the day, which was great. Great, great, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So in conclusion, whatever you want to do, Tony and Ryan have got your back. Just do the absolute fuck out of it. Do the fuck out of it. Yeah. And also, shut the fuck up. Yeah, if someone's having a little gripe at you, go, yeah, isn't she great? That's what Bridge did.

Because you go, yeah, she's having a fucking, look at her having the time of her life. I don't like that, though. I say give me my trophy. Yeah, okay. Well, that's your. I've really picked up on that small bit and said, yeah, I'll actually will take that award.

Remember this year you said in for you this year was like not hating on the haters. I've really picked up on that small bit and said, yeah, I'll actually will take that award. Remember this year you said in for you this year was like not hating on the haters. I just like to remind you. So I think that Bridges handled that so well being like, yeah, she's having the time of her fucking life. Yeah. I think I'm changing my stance on hating on haters. Okay.

I only think I liked the haters because that one person tweeted, the haters said I would amount to nothing and they were right. Good job, haters. Well, I mean, look at Mabel. She's so muddy. Yeah. Yep. Marvelous muddy Mabel.

I love you, sweetie. Yeah, and she is beautiful and she's so good at getting muddy. She is the best at getting muddy. Undefeated in muddiness. Only because none of the other kids are allowed. I've got to love to see it here Undefeated in Muddy-ness. Only because none of the other kids are allowed. I've got to love to see it here. Like, she's like, of course. No, she's the best. She's the best, sorry. Oh, you're one of those parents.

You're a show mum. Megan sent this in. I'm a mud mum. Mud mum. Megan sent this in and it's actually about her four-year-old Penelope. Penelope went and did a poo-poo on the potty. Good job, Penelope. Do the fuck out and did a poo-poo on the potty. Good job, Penelope. Do the fuck out of it.

She's done the fuck out of it. She did a poo and she still needs a little bit of help wiping. Yep. Don't we all? Well. Do we? Well, there was no toilet paper. Oh, yes.

So I said, I'm going to need to run to the other bathroom to grab some. And little Penelope goes, oh, why don't we just use this towel? Yep. Correct work, Penelope. But then little Penelope goes, just kidding, mum. That would be crazy. And cackles. And so Megan says, my love to see it is Ryan knowing that my four-year-old

knows better than him. That would be crazy. That would be crazy, to be fair. That would be crazy. To be fair, that would be crazy. But hey, little four-year-old. Penelope. Penelope. Thank you.

I don't know, I've just gotten down off our high horse about telling other kids how to fucking live their life. We're back up. But let me tell you how to live your life. If you've got the option of another, sure. You had better options. I had no options except a few better ones. Oh, so, but Penelope, good on you for knowing that's crazy.

Good on you. How do a crazy spell when it was sent through? It's spelled with an R, but I've used a little bit of editorial. Yeah, a bit of editorial. And also Penelope wrote verbatim, just kidding, Mama. That would be crazy. Penelope didn't write that, obviously. Sorry, Megan wrote that.

Because Penelope, she's four. She can poo, but I don't know that she could write that out yet. What do you know it for? That's the thing. iPads, YouTube. Yeah, fuck. Fucking hell. Maya loved to see it.

And I've done this three Sundays in a row. So it's coming in on a Monday. Did you go for a pub lunch? Because we've got to get back into that because it's getting colder. I did have a pub lunch on the weekend, but that's not actually what I was going to bring up. Oh. Sort of related.

Okay. My love to see it is mimosas. Yeah. Mimosas can fucking get it. So so mimosa for those playing along at home is a little bit of sparkling champagne wine or fucking whatever you call it depending if you're from the small town of champagne broseca and orange juice yep and the pulpier the better get the thickness of the pulp yeah and yeah the so orange juice a bit sweet in the morning you know freshens you know just wakes your mouth up a little bit.

Yep. The bubbles just really go, oh, my God. Gives it a little bit of fun, a bit of pizzazz. And mimosas, you can't go wrong. What were you doing that warranted a mimosa? Because they're like a special occasion thing for me. Or am I living life wrong? I think that's what I'm getting at.

Right. Previously, mimosas were exclusively for christmas morning i was about to say christmas or if you had a destination wedding okay surprisingly they're both very specific examples but yes and now my new thing is sundays so i had a mimosa at mabel's first birthday party. How was it? And it was lovely. Very thick orange juice. Do you know what's very good? Have you ever had a peach bellini?

Peach bellini. Yeah, I think I've had one with you. Because Torbs makes them at Christmas and he like... Maybe that's why. He poaches all the peaches and then he purees them himself and then it's like... So say poaching peaches puree three times fast. He poaches those peaches and puts them in a poacher and the puree

and then the peach bellini with the Prosecco. Fucking poach my bellini now. Oh, shit. Yeah, they're fucking me. I would put them in the same category as mimosa. Yes, it is like a breakfast cocktail. But I will. Do you know what can get fucked?

What? And how you love to see it? Bloody Mary. Oh, do you know what I want in the morning? Harper's. Yeah. Have I told you about my cousin? Spicy tomato sauce.

Absolutely disgusting. They should come with a Gaviscon attached to it. That's a great business. You know those baroccas where you twist the lid and it drops here? It's a Bloody Mary and the barocca is into the tub. My cousin Max, who I think you met. I have met Max, yeah. And his wife?

Yeah. Oh, I don't think they're married. Oh, his partner? Yeah. His girl. His lady. He came over the last day of school. Everyone came over before school. We had a

party. He brings a bottle of orange juice and like drinks half of it, then tops the rest up with vodka, puts the salt and pepper and kind of mixes the bloody... Wait, orange juice? Oh, sorry, tomato juice. Oh, I was like, orange juice with salt and pepper. Yeah, so he makes the Bloody Mary in the tomato juice

bottle. The V8 tomato juice. Yeah, whatever it was, yeah. Has some of it and just leaves it in the fridge. Hang on. So he's just got a tummy full of tomato juice as well. That's fucked. Yeah, and vodka and we'll have beers and whatever. And then we all have a big day because it's the last day of school. We go out that night, come home at like, you know,

four in the morning. Wake up. How old were you? 18. Oh, were you? Yeah. Oh oh i wasn't 18 when i finished school yeah i didn't get held back yeah no it's a western australia thing everyone in yeah victoria you turn 18 in your last year so i wake up in the next morning and go oh you know feeling better open the fridge and go oh cold tomato juice i mean terrible idea, but I obviously see where this is going. And then, oh, oh, oh, oh, and I'm just scalded.

A bloody Mary. It's half vodka. Salt and pepper. Oh, that's giving me the heebie-jeebies. I can still feel the film of it on my teeth. Oh, literally a bloody Mary. They need to be cancelled. Like, I'm not into cancel culture, but I think that they do need to be cancelled.

Mimosas, though. How was the rest of your Sunday after you had one? Oh, you feel like a fancy girl, don't you? Because I had a mimosa and a piece of cake. I mean, sorry, the queen called. Fancy girl. I love to see it and I highly recommend it. Yeah, I came with a complimentary corgi.

Yeah, dude. You're just handing them out trying to get rid of the fucking 25 that you have. You've got so many corgis at your house. Just can't get rid of them. Yeah. Tomorrow on the show, we have confessions. Can I? Confessions.

Let me read the first line. Yep. Oh, no. Yep. There's two things I will never trust. Never trust a fart and never trust Tony Lodge. And farting Tony Lodge, that is bad news. That is real bad news.

That's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.