Toni and Ryan - Maddy loves Ronald McDonald

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Maddy MacRae (TikTok superstar) is co-hosting with us today and chiming in on your best normal or nah's and sharing a VERY McFunny story all about being a single gal. You can find Maddy on TikTok and Instagram! Love ya xoxo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the show. My name is Ryan. This is Tony. I'm Tony. I'm the one on the logo with glasses. And we're about to call Jasmine, who's in Canada. Canada-y? Jasmine-a-da. Jasmine-a-da. Hello? jasmine jasmine oh oh hello jasmine yes hi it's tony and ryan oh my god it's jasmine hi how are you we're great now that we're talking to you jasmine in canada jasmine jasmine will you approve the podcast? For sure, yes. Yay! Oh, my God, they're right.

People in Canada are very kind. Thanks for taking the time to do that for us, Jasmanida. Hey, it's Jasmine from Ottawa, Canada, and I approve this podcast. All right. Do you want to do a spiel? Do you want me to do a spiel? I haven't prepared a spiel. I haven't prepared a spiel, but Maddie can do her own fucking spiel. Okay.

Actually, we'll leave that in. Welcome to the podcast, Tony, Ryan. And as you just heard Tony say, Maddie can introduce her fucking self. Hi. Thanks. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hey.

Wow. How many times can you say hey? One more time. Hey. I'll introduce you as my wife's favorite internet person. Yeah. Oh. And in this day and age, that's a big compliment.

Maddie has one follower. And that's right. That's right. That's all that matters. TikTok, Instagram. What's the biggest one at the moment? TikTok. TikTok.

Yeah. How many pull-on? 1.3 mil. More than Tony. Yeah, I don't post those. It's funny to try, isn't it? That's a great achievement if you don't post. Maddie's skits are really funny, but they're also –

so Bridget goes, these are really relatable, right?'re also – so Bridget goes, these are really relatable, right? Yeah. And I go, oh, that's great. I love that you love this girl. That is not good. And then I watch some and it's like a joke about – How guys don't know where the clitoris is.

And when it's like the orgasm rocks up and he's like, I was here last night and she's like, no, you weren't. She's like, I have no idea who you are. I've never met you. And Bridget's like, it's just so funny, isn't it? And I was like, yeah, she's great. And then I went for a walk with the dog later that day and went, oh. Yeah, I make that joke a lot about men not knowing where the clitoris is.

Yeah. I saw, and sorry to make you rehash your own jokes, but I saw. There's nothing better than people going, you know that one? I literally, before we hit record, I was like, you know that one they do? She's like, yeah, I fucking know, I made it. Yeah, I actually know all about it. Yeah, it was my idea. Thank you so much. There's the clitoris who's at the party and

no one's talking to her. Yeah, she's in the corner. And there's someone named Left Flap. Like, why is the guy just rubbing up on that old... And then like an arsehole pops up, right? He's like, whoop! Well, that is funny. The butt of the joke, yeah.

Nice. He comes over. Yeah, thanks. Comes over to talk to the clitoris. She thinks that he's like finally coming to talk to her at the party, but the butthole's right next to her. And he's like, hey, you want to hang out? And just to give a bit of context to these jokes,

do you want to just very quickly share your at so that people can kind of have a scroll through? It's Maddie McRae, but there's some underscores thrown in there. But if you look, I know, look, somebody else took my handle. I'm mad about it. I'm still mad about it. Do you know what really fucks me off? And, Ryan, I know that you're about to say the exact same thing,

is that I'm Tony Lodge, like one word on everything except TikTok, I'm Tony.Lodge. Yeah, because you couldn't get it. I couldn't get it. Someone else had had it. And I've looked at their profile since and they've got two posts. They've got no followers. They don't even have a profile photo.

I'm like, well, fuck you. Now none of my stuff lines up and looks beautiful. And so when I said to Ryan, like, oh, I'm just sending something off. What's your handle? He's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. Oh, no, hang on. No, there's a dot in there. Oh, no, my last name's in that one.

It's the worst. It's annoying. And I see somebody who has Maddie McRae because on TikTok I could have had Maddie McRae just by itself, but because Instagram I had it a certain way, I made them match. So it's Maddie underscore McRae underscore. But the chick who has Maddie McRae on Instagram is, like, private with like 50

followers. You're like, as if you couldn't take the underscores, girlfriend. Give it to me. Take one for the team. Give it to me. I offered the person that's at Ryan John on Instagram beer, because I'm Ryan.John, and I messaged him, I was like, hey bro, I'd love this. Can I send you a couple of cases of beer? And he didn't respond.

Oh. I was going to say, if he took it, that's all it took? That's cheap. Yeah. Someone messaged me once on Twitter and said, can I have your hand or Tony Lodge? And I was like, yes, for $5 million USD. And they were like, fuck off.

And I was like, well, okay, well, that's not. Name your price. I did. ABC, always be closing. I was just like, you know, does that make sense? That's so good. Yep, no, it did not take me out. Being a Thursday, let's do normal or nah.

One's actually taken from Maddie's TikTok, so you'll know that as well when we get to it. Imagine if she didn't pick up on it. She's like, I've never heard this before. I don't know what to think about this one. Actually, let's start with it. Normal or nah, shaving every inch of your body before a first date, but at the same time being adamant that you are a thousand percent not going to sleep with him. Normal or nah?

I feel like I'm not equipped to answer this being that I've been sleeping with the same person for like 10 years. If I didn't shave my legs, he'd go, well, it's fine. I don't really care. I've seen you weigh worse. I've seen you literally shit yourself. So I think it's fine. But I feel like I'd like to add a caveat to this whilst shaving every part of your body but going, but I'm also a feminist. Like people are born with hair on their legs.

Yes, exactly. So I feel like, oh, I'm a feminist. I'm choosing to shave my legs, not doing it because I feel like I have to. Not for you. Yeah. Yeah, normal. I'll shave. But even if I don't, I'll still sleep with them.

So like. It's win-win for them. Whether you go to the F-Rub. Yeah, yeah. I've heard a friend say that she was so adamant she didn't want to sleep with him. She'd deliberately like wear ugly underwear and not prepared to like so when the moment comes i'm like am i doing this that's like the final thing that'll force her almost to be like no i've done that before yeah didn't stop me yes i yeah and then you're just not putting your best foot forward that's why i just

always prepare because i just know it might happen it's almost like when you wear shit clothes to the supermarket you're like i'm going to fucking run into anyone. It's 9pm and then you run into your ex-boyfriend or something like that. It's that kind of thing. It's like when you don't will it. It's like it'll come when you least expect it. That's when someone wants to fuck you in a club.

No one's ever wanted to fuck me in a club and I've had shaved legs and slutty underwear. I don't know if this is the lamest, not even a male equivalent, but I used to like if I was feeling good, like clean my room. Oh, yeah. No, that's good. No, that's a thing. That's a thing I do.

I went on a date last week and I did clean my house just in case. Didn't come back to my house. Were you wearing slutty underwear? Yeah. I've shaved everything from the eyebrows down. I actually think but that's like it's so much more depressing

because you get home and you walk in the door you've got a kebab in your hand you can't see straight you've got one eye open you're like fuck I cleaned my room

the room looks great but see then I think that that is like the payoff like I didn't get to sleep with anyone but fuck my house is clean

so tomorrow I'm going to wake up my room's going to be clean so if I've shaved everything but I don't get lucky and I'm like well my house is clean. So tomorrow I'm going to wake up, my room's going to be clean. So if I've shaved everything but I don't get lucky and I'm like, well, you know what, at least I still feel like a dolphin. Yeah. I did it for me, not for you. Yeah, exactly.

And I'll feel my own silky smooth legs all night. I'm like a sleek athlete. I'm happy only. Yeah. Pat my own leg. I've taken the name out of this. You can go and find it in the comments. Oh.

From a tarpa in our Facebook group? From a tarpa, yeah. Actually, there's a few. Do I want to use any names? They're kind of fucked this week. We saved the best for you, Maddie. I'm so happy. Because Tony and I have both been in long-term relationships for a while.

So I'm the single girl. Yeah. How does that make you feel? To be the single girl? It's kind of my shtick. It's kind of my thing. Yeah, I was going to say, I think she's fucking making money off of it. Most of my content is dating stuff.

But what happens if you meet, like, someone lovely that you're like, fuck, my whole career's over? Nah, relationship stuff's still good. Yeah, well, I did start dating someone earlier this year, and I did have that thought. Well, we're no longer together. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay. My condolences. It's fine. Well, it was a bit weird, and I was just like, is this going to change things for me? And then I was like, nah, boyfriend content. It'm so sorry. No, it's okay. My condolences. It's fine. Well, it was a bit weird and I was just like, is this going to change things for me? And then I was like, no, boyfriend content. It'll be fine. Yeah.

But then we broke up, so single content still on the table. Win-win. See, your room's still clean, your legs are still shaved. Yeah. I was seeing a guy who refused to have sex in the dark, not even a lamp, not a candle, or maybe the light on in the next room. He always had to have full lights sex in the dark, not even a lamp, not a candle, or maybe the light on in the next room. He always had to have full lights on in the room and be fully bright

or he wouldn't do it. Normal or nah? Nah. I'm going to say nah only because I feel like any kind of stipulation, I'm like, oh, what's the... Yeah. But how unsexy to have the full bright lights on. Yeah.

It's like watching TV with the lights on. Yeah. Like, you know, when you're sitting in the lounge room and all the lights are on, you're like, fuck, we just need to soften this down a little bit. If they're fully bright, I'm thinking about, like, if the guy's on top, you're like, how many chins are they seeing? Surely this doesn't look great from there.

Only two, please. Yeah. I don't want you to see my face. With the girl on top, though, not only the chins are they saying? Surely this doesn't look great from there. Only two, please. Yeah. I don't want you to see my face. With the girl on top though, not only the chins but the boobs are, you know, kind of in like two different directions because you're doing this. Yeah, but like you're in your most vulnerable state. You're naked, especially if it's like a first time. Yeah.

You don't want full bright lights. No. And it's also a bit like sexy when it's, you know, like whether it's night or day or whatever, when you kind of got the soft light happening, it feels a bit like smoky and yum. Well, when you're like a poor man that doesn't have lights when I was younger, that's like I said,

the light in the next room is one of the great acts. I'll sleep this whole way and just so I can see where I'm going. And the clitoris maybe. Well, that's what my first thought with the lights. Seeing it wouldn't help. You have to know what it looks like. I don't think it matters. My first thought when I read this was like, is he like,

I need to see where I'm going. If he's so like, nah, if I don't know where I'm headed. You'll find the wrong hole. But then I guess. Butthole comes into the picture. But if he said it with a confidence, like he's like, we're leaving the lights on, I want to see everything. Hey, yes.

Thank you. Both of you just fucking went from zero to midnight. I feel like that would be a hot way of saying it. But if you're coming in and you're just like, oh, I'll just leave the light on because, you know, fucking. Yeah, what's the context of it? I've got solar power. So, you know, it doesn't cost me anything.

Well, they were new in a relationship and, like I said, she goes, oh, there's a lamp. He's like, no, full light. Yeah, because you're still getting a light source, right? But that's a softer one. Why do you want the harsh one? It's so aggressive. Yeah, and the shadowing.

No, it's not going to be pretty. It's going to be very National Geographic. It's not for sexy reasons. No, no. The next one, her last name is Scarman. Scarman Insider. Well, this story will scar you. Normal or nah?

I can't even read this. We have a guest. I've just realised we have not put our best foot forward for some of these. We never do. Maddie Tarpers. Maddie, Maddie Tarpers. This is the freak show. Nice to meet you.

Here we go. Normal or not, guys swallowing their own load. I told a one-night stand that I don't swallow. So he did something I have never been unable to unhear or unsee. He literally says the words, Well, I don't want to waste it. Then finishes on his own abdomen and scoops it up and swallowed it himself. I'm going for nah, says Scarman, but maybe I'm just being closed-minded.

What does he mean by wasted? Like it's adding nutritional value. Yeah, it's not milk. It's not the last bite of a chicken parma. Like it's not being wasted. It's a consumable. Like it's out whether you want. You can make more.

Yes. So, Maddie, if you go, this is a one night stand, like the first time they've slept together. If he says that, what's your instant reaction? I'd tell him, I'd call him out on it. Go, that's fucked. That's fucked. There are guys who don't even want to kiss me after I've swallowed.

Yeah. Yeah. So like. You're obviously dating the wrong guy. This guy is the man. Yeah. Yeah. So like. You're obviously dating the wrong guy. This guy is the man. Yeah. Ooh. But I'm also, is it a bit like the light something?

Like if this guy goes like, well, I'll take one for the day. You know, like, but yeah. You got a rise out of his last time and it did not happen. Saying waste it just like. So there was a lot of conversation. Not to kink shame, but like, I don't know. There was a lot of chat about the specific wording of like waste it. Yeah.

One person went down the like. Don't say went down. One person considered like with pregnancy as if like, oh, like don't waste it. But then they commented that it's like. Well, if it's being sold, that it's not for pregnancy. Well, it's not going to get pregnant either way. Yeah. So that was quickly rebuffed. commented that it's like... Oliver's being solid. That is not for pregnancy. Well, it's not going to get pregnant either way.

So that was quickly rebuffed. But it sort of seems like he's like, well, if semen comes out into the universe, if it's not in someone's mouth, why even bother coming in the first place? It's to be enjoyed. No. At room temperature. Yeah.

But scooping it up, I thought maybe this could get a little bit sexy. Maybe. Right, hear me out. That maybe if it was in her mouth and she was like, oh, and then he kissed her. Then I was like, I don't know, maybe that would be like a hot thing to do if that was what you were into.

But scooping it off your body, that's like dropping coffee in the carpet and like, you know, like that's fucked. Like you said, Maddie, you can always make more. We aren't out of stock. Someone asked this lady, trying very hard not to name, Scarman. Did you throw up? Someone replied. And she said, I wanted to, but I was also just so shocked

that I went straight to the shower and just contemplated all the life choices I'd made that led me to witnessing this moment. Yeah. Though, I mean, if I'm expected to swallow it, you know, then maybe he was trying to be a gentler. I don't know. He's a feminist. Yeah.

Wow. Power to the people. And if I know a feminist, it's swallowing cum is the one. Yep. Is he a feminist? No. He sucked his own dick, so yeah. Yeah.

It's right up there with burning your bra. I swallow cum and I am proud. The last one is from Liana Bruja Hardelen. Oh, la-nee-na-bor-a-nee-na-nom. Yeah. When a guy on a dating app says, oh, I don't have any social media, I don't do that, is it an instant red flag because I always assume he's hiding something

and it's a massive no from me? Is this normal or nah? Oh. It's normal, as in I see it a lot, but I'm not into it because I don't think it's that they're hiding something. It's just because they think they're too good. And if you're one of those people, get over yourself. I actually don't have Facebook.

I don't really even have that kind of thing. Get over yourself. If you don't have an Instagram, get over yourself. So I think Liana Bruja Hardeland was sort of thinking, oh, you're not telling me about your Instagram because that's where the pictures of your wife and kids are. Oh, okay. Yeah, because surely if it's someone without an online footprint,

you're kind of going, oh, well, yeah, what are you hiding? But also, are you a fucking murderer? Like why don't you want me to know about, like more about you or like are you trying to catfish me because who doesn't have an Instagram? Yeah. Like when I dated Robert Pattinson many years ago. Did you know about this? Yeah, so Robert Pattinson and I were in a really beautiful relationship.

Robert Pattinson, who you might know of, Twilight fame. I do, I do. Yeah, we're dating. We're very much in love. How did you guys meet? We met on Facebook. Was it Facebook or Hotspace? No, it was Facebook. I tell you this every single time. And then we were chatting

on MSN and it turned out it was a woman called Rita from the US, which was very sad. Obviously a little bit different because dating a celebrity quite easy to have access to photos. It's, you know, a bit you know, but if you're being catfished and this guy says, like,

oh, I don't really have Instagram, then you're like, well, have you just stolen this photo from Google or is that your mate Steve? You know? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'd be more, but I'm a safety nut. So that's where my brain goes. Right.

Do you use apps? Yeah. Hate them. What would be your most frequented? Hinge or Bumble. Although I did start using Tinder this week, but I've instantly deleted it because the first person I matched with replied to me with, hey, baby girl.

Ooh, new thank you. So, gone. What's a thing that lots of guys do, like speaking of red flags, that they think that it's a really common thing that they say or do that it's an instant no from you? Yeah, maybe this is Maddie's dating advice for boys. If they start sexting straight away, like if it's straight away about sex, I mean, I guess it's what you're looking for.

I'm not looking for hookups. I'm looking for a relationship. So like if somebody starts talking about me in a sexy way I'm like instant no Yeah Or and it's happened a few times But this is quite specific to me If somebody follows me on social media

And says that they love my TikToks I'm like Too close Too close Ease that in But even not as a strategy But they're probably Because you see someone on a dating app

And what do you do? You Google them and and look at on instagram or whatever yeah and then they click and then they go oh this girl's funny this is great so they're probably like hey i appreciate your humor you're funny yeah great but i'm like i don't know for some reason for me if they say that i'm like oh nah yeah yeah but i mean when you're as famous as you, I feel like you've got to be ready for that. So when would the right time for them to break it to you that they know you? On the date. On the date.

Get me on the date. See, no, I think that's worse. You reckon? Yeah, because it's like he's tuned you, right? And then he gets you on the date, he's like, by the way, I love you TikTok. I've been following you online for ages. No, see, you know what I would do?

All right, I'm the boy tuning Maddie. Hey, how are you? Good, thanks. How are you? Yeah, I'm really good. Yeah, what are you into? What's your favourite movie? A Titanic.

Oh, beautiful. You look really familiar. Have I met you before? And then instantly you go, I know what he's getting at, but I feel like that's how you get into it. You look really familiar. Have I seen you around? Yeah, you might see me.

I'm the guy we chatted with on Bumble last night. Who went straight in with the sexting and you went, no. Hey, baby girl, fuck off. Do some guys get intimidated that you've got this big following? And especially on your podcast, you tell lot of like dating stories and sexy stories and i know some guys might be like well i don't want to be her next story yeah it has happened before so i have two like little stories well like when i first started the pod i was seeing a guy at the time and he was listening to the podcast and like the third episode is all about faking orgasms because I'm a serial faker.

I don't know. That's not your fault. Yeah, but it is also because I'm not telling them what I want. But he was listening to that and he'd listened to that episode before we'd had sex. So then when we did have sex, it was actually quite awkward because he's like, so, heard an episode where you like to fake it. And I was like, yeah, well, I'm not coming now. It's not happening.

I don't like to fake it. And now I'm thinking about work. Yeah I'm not coming now. It's not happening. I don't like to fake it. And now I'm thinking about work. Yeah. Oh, my God, I've got to reply to that email. How dare you? Yeah. So that was, I was, now when I'm on a dating app and people learn what I do, I'm like, do not listen to the podcast.

I can't. Because then you'll know so much about me and it's unfair. Yeah, it is unfair playing ground. Because you know nothing about them. Because then they get a huge advantage and you're like, well, you aren't giving me anything. Yeah, I need to know your embarrassing sex stories. And they're also not fucking working for it. You know, they're not like picking away.

Charge for the podcast, that's what I say. For free or $4 on Patreon. Yeah, if you would like to date me, you have to pay for this podcast. Oh my God, I should do that. Patreon for dating me. We could do that, but we wouldn't make any money. We don't put out because we're both in relationships, but thanks for the four bucks, bro.

Thanks, man. But I also have another guy who like I had one date with him and like it fizzled. But every time like I post some kind of achievement, he'll just reply to it because we follow each other on Instagram. He'll say, so proud of you. I was like, who the fuck are you? You can't say that you're proud of me.

Can I put something out there? Is the word proud becoming like a bit of a condescending term? In that sense, it feels like it. So Tony last week released her book. Beautiful. So proud of you. Thank you. I was like, and I am very proud.

I've seen all the work you've put into it and I'm on the record as saying as someone, one of the few who've read it it is actually incredible I'm very proud of you but when I went to type like Tony's got a book out I'm so proud of it

it sort of felt like oh this is like my little sister that I'm proud of or like is it my achievement that I, yeah I felt ick about the word proud and then when you say that I'm going oh yeah that does feel strange.

But it also depends on kind of the relation. If my friend said that to me, it doesn't feel gross because we're so close. Yeah. And they've been there for the whole journey. They're allowed to be proud of me. This guy I went on one date with, you can't be proud of me. I'll tell you what's real fucked up, though. I wonder how many people he's told that he dated you.

Oh, my God. You're on the Qantas billboards at the moment all over Australia. Your videos are popping up everywhere. And then he gets to go to his mate. I dated her. No, I fingered her. We didn't even kiss. We didn't even kiss.

We fingered yesterday. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. I normally go kiss first, but that's just me. But, yeah, it's like you need to hang out with all his mates and go, yeah, just letting you know, when he said we dated, he turned up, he was no good and so it fizzled out real quick.

And he only fingered me, didn't he? I'm proud of you, though. I'm proud of you. You're an arsehole. Also, I have a random question. When you said like when guys like do the like sexy chat straight away or like want to send pictures and stuff, I'm convinced having heard many stories from many ladies

that that is always an instant turn off. Yeah. Tony? No, that that is always an instant turn off. Yeah. Tony? No, that would really bother me. I'd be like, oh, if I was looking for a hookup or whatever, then maybe you'd feel a bit differently. But I don't think so. You've got to preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

I like that. Does that feel about right to you? Yeah, because even if I am looking for a hookup, because there has been a time in my single life where I was, I still want a connection with you. I still want you to think I'm a nice person. Compliment my brain before you compliment my body. Yeah.

No, totally. So here's the conundrum, right? Yeah. From chatting to a lot of girls, it seems like 99%, 100% of the time it doesn't work. So why is there this switch in a dude's mind that thinks, oh, I'm a- Because they don't fucking listen.

Because we say we don't want you to try and finger me before you kiss me. They're still there fucking fingers at the ready. On the left lap, yeah. So I'm convinced that like one bloke one time sent a dick pic and the girl's like, oh, that's hot, come over. And then he told everybody, hey, I know the trick. What you do is you just send a picture of your dick, and you're like 20 minutes later, you're fucking in there.

And every blog on the planet went, well, fucking Carl says it's true. Yeah, must be. Yeah. What also, though, like if a girl was to send you a nude straight off the bat, right, a guy would be really into that. So they're just thinking from their own brain what they want. They're like, if somebody sent me a nude photo, yeah, I'd go for that. So like, a girl must want a photo of my dick straight off the bat.

Definitely. Yeah. Right? What's the question? Absolutely not. I hate a dick pic. I get them. But, okay, there's no need to brag.

Hey, it's Jasmine from Ottawa, Canada, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A big shout-out to a few of our champion tarpaulers over at our Patreon. You can check it out wherever you like to. It's in all the information in the show notes along with all of Maddie's info so you can go and find her on Instagram, TikTok, whatever else. Tinder, she's got her link to her Tinder on there.

That's actually a pretty baller move. Do you want me to do that? Is that a thing you can actually do? If you've got a profile link, I'll be like, and if you want a finger. If you're in Sydney and you love to finger hot girls, hit her up. Elise Manikas, thank you so much. Erin Rachel, Mitch Clark, Brittany Dutschke, John Weatherford and Alicia LeMeow.

Is that how she's written it? That's how she's written it. Alicia LeMeow. Meowdy. Join us tomorrow for the video show. Oh, back on the video show tomorrow. Maddie, please. Okay.

Tell Tony what happened on her first date. Okay, so this is a first date story? I'd met this guy before. I'd met him on the set of a commercial, actually. Oh, my gosh. Macca's commercial. Meeting people at work. That's a big thing.

Yeah, I shouldn't say that actually because he'll probably listen to this and know that I'm talking about him. It's a fun story. You've done multiple McDonald's commercials. I've done so many. Just quickly, because you're an actress as well as being a... Actress first. Actress first and

content creator. And then, so you've done a lot of ads. Is there a thing with – and movies and whatnot. Is there a lot of things where like the actors and actresses, is there sometimes a bit of like tension? Because obviously like actresses are like, you know, there's good-looking people and there's good people. And like is there a bit of tension sometimes, especially when you've got to be close,

like your characters are close to each other? Not a problem for me because I don't really do movies. I mostly just do commercials where we're all nobodies. We're all the same. Right. Yeah. And I am the hottest person on set. So everybody's tension with you not from you to them. I'm very confident.

Being the hot Qantas girl is not a nobody by the way. So don't nobody me, mate. We don't talk down about ourselves in this pod. That was such an accident though. So was I, mate. Accidents are great. That's really funny. Accidents are great. Yay. That's really funny. Accidents are great. New tagline.

Thank you. That actually is a great tagline. If I write a book like Tony, obviously I can't because I can't read or write. But maybe that should be the title. I can help you. Accidents are great. Accidents are great. Accidents are great.

All right. So, sorry. You're on set with this guy. Yeah. Yeah. And then he slid into my DMs and eventually we chatted and I decided to meet him and he gave me the address of his place to go to his house. And this was back in my let's hook up days.

Right. So you'd met at work. Then you kind of hooked up online a little bit. A little chatty. And so you knew he wasn't, you know, going to catfish you, like RIP me for Robert Pattinson. So that's good. At least you're kind of walking into this and you're like,

all right, I know you're a real person. I know that you're not going to just try and fucking like punch me in the face and steal my credit cards or anything, which is always a good start. Yeah, it's always positive. Nice guy. He was a lovely guy. Gives me the address and I turn up.

And he was a bit of a honey? Yeah. He had red hair as well, which I loved. I kind of liked that we were like matching. Yeah, I love that. More matchy match. He gave me the address and it turned out to be the Manly Beach car park. Sorry, hang on.

When you say red hair, it wasn't Ronald McDonald. That's why we were hired. For the Macazad. Yes, it is. I have a thing for clowns. How many red-haired dudes have you seen at McDonald's that aren't Ronald McDonald? Tony? It just took me a second to click with what you'd said.

I was like, where have you got that from? And now, yeah. Sorry. You honk him on the nose and he was like, yeah, let's do it. Sorry. No, it's okay. Give me the address. And it's Ronald McDonald House.

The charity. And he's just asking for donations. It's like McHappy Day's coming up. Talk about McHappy. Today is going to be my McHappy Day. Look at this girl I brought home from the shoot today. McMaddy. You know what they say about people with big shoes, hey?

Try these size 27s on, bro. And Maddie goes, try my Happy Meal. Hey. Comes with a toy. He gives you the address. It's not a house. It's not Ronald McDonald house. It's just a car park.

It's a car park at the beach and it's his van at the beach. Did he tell you that? Like he kind of gave me like a, he just said like, let's meet in Manly. And as I was driving, he gave me the pin. And then I was like, oh, this is a car park. Oh, we're going to meet in his van. And I was like, do you live in a van? I didn't know he lived in a van.

He doesn't live in a van, but he had a van. Okay, van, huge red flag. Surely. Vans are not good news, cars. Like if someone goes, oh, I've got a van. I'm like, well, why? What are you transporting? What needs to be moved around at

high quantities? Well, nothing, just his mattress in the back. So he lived in the van? No, he had a place that he rented at, but he lived with his family, so he invited me to his van. So this was a fuck truck. Hey! You said before it was like a hookup stage.

Yeah. So it's not like, I've got a van, let's go for a cruise up the coast. It was like, no, we're going for a reason. Okay. We're going to have sex in a van. That's why, if it wasn't for that, I'd be like, oh, yeah, we're going for a cruise along the beach. Maybe that's nice.

But if it's purely a fuck truck, as Tony is. Fuck truck, I like it. Thank you. Hey. So because he lived with his family, so he would only ever take, you know. I guess, that's his thing. Paramours to the van so that his mum didn't walk in and go, do you need me to do your washing or whatever.

Right, okay. Cool. Must be nice, by the way. Turn up, he's playing his guitar. Another red flag. I'm like that could be construed, misconstrued like two ways. I feel like you could go, okay, you know, he's sensitive. But then also it's a bit cringe.

He's at the beach. He's got the mattress in the back. I'm assuming a surfboard on the roof. Yeah. And he's got the guitar. Right. Was he playing Wonderwall? Okay, no.

What happened though? Because I feel like that's the only song that boys know how to play. That crossed my mind. He didn't play Wonderwall. Shame. But we sat there for an hour and a half and he played guitar for me for an hour and a half. That's a long time.

He was asking for song requests. It was a concert. I didn't request. It was a concert. Was he like looking them up on Ultimate Guitar? He's like, hang on, let me check the tab. He did. No!

And do you know what I requested? Because at some point I was like, this is hilarious. Play Chicken Fried by Zac Brown Band. Do you know Chicken Fried? It's a country song. No, I don't. So like country vibes. Right.

I was like, look it up. Play it. Come on, if we're doing it. If we're doing the concert, play it. And was this just to fuck him off? Well, he played it for me. I didn't. I wasn't taking the piss.

So he was pretty good? He was good. Yeah. Does that impress you? No. Because I feel like every person with a guitar thinks they. So he was pretty good? He was good. Yeah. Did that impress you? No. Because I feel like every person with a guitar thinks they're impressing people, but they're really not. No.

Well, because I came there for a reason, I was just kind of like. Strum me instead. I've got somewhere to be. I could have left 45 minutes ago. Yeah. Is this the song, Ryan? Oh. Show me what you got, van boy.

I was going to say, so he can finger. Okay, that's enough. I've heard enough. So I made him play that. Hour and a half we sat there. That's a long time. What kind of time of the day is this? It's night time.

Oh, okay. So I'm picturing Arvo. Gosh, if it was in the day in a van. Yeah. Let everyone see. Any time in a van it was in the day in a van, let everyone see. Any time in a van is not a good time in a van. By the time it got time to crawl into the back of his van, I needed a wee really badly.

Of course. Because there was no toilets. We'd been sitting there for an hour. Does this van have a non-sweet? Sorry, bud. I had to drive so far to get there as well. So I was like maybe two and a half hours in and I was like, fuck, I really need a wee.

Yeah. And also you're just sitting there. I've committed. I've committed to listening to you for an hour and a half. I've shaved from the eyebrows down. I'm ready to go. I gotta. So we got to it, but he grabbed me by the waist a little too hard

and I wee'd a little bit. Not on his best mattress, in his best van. But here's the kicker. He just thought I was really into him. He just thought I was, like, real wet. And I let him believe it. Because I'm not going to say, yeah, I just weed a little bit on your mattress. I just went, yeah, yeah, I'm really wet for you.

Thank you for playing for me for an hour and a half. This is what the guitar does to girls. And he's told all of his friends, and now they know that they have to serenade everyone. She loved it, bro. No, they go, do you know how to make a girl squirt? Squeeze her around the place. Fried chicken, Zac Brown band.

That really gets them going. Yeah, weed. Weed a little bit. I'm actually really proud of chicken, Zac Brown band. That really gets them going. Yeah, weed. The weed a little bit. I'm actually really proud of my, like, bladder control that I can stop myself because normally I can't. Once you start. It's just happening. Yeah, it's like Pringles.

Yeah. Once you pop, you can't stop. So, yeah. Well, so obviously, luckily you drank a lot of water that day and it wasn't, you know, a stinky wee. You know, you hadn't had asparagus the night before and he's like, wow, squirting smells a bit like me after Christmas. You know, like after Christmas Day everything smells a lot.

Yeah. Wow. I think that's smart. Boys are so dumb. Boys are so fucking dumb. Imagine weeing on a boy and being like, oh, sorry, yeah, it's my juicy pussy. And they're like, oh, yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is, you horny bitch. Like they're just so proud of themselves. So after this happens, do you stay the night in the van? Stay the night? I mean, just like, yeah. On my own wee? Oh, yeah. Oh, true.

Jokes on him. No, I left. Thank God on him. No, I left. Thank God for that. Yeah, I left. So you end up having sex, getting it done, and then you bowed. Was there a phone call the next day or a DM the next day? So proud of you? You know, like what was the...

No, he got back together with his ex-girlfriend, so didn't hear from him again. Oh, my God. He's squeezing her like no tomorrow. He's trying to make her squirt and he's going, yeah, I'm fucking squeezing the fuck out of you. He's like, Mel, I don't want to make you upset, but I fucked this girl and she was squirting like crazy for me.

Why is it worth being here? Did you want me to play some more guitar? Oh, hang on, babe, I forgot. Oh, hang on, babe. I forgot. Gets me going. Wow. Love a bit of country.

Amazing. Amazing. I know you're an actress. The improv on the spot to just think about is truly incredible. Thanks. And does he know now? I don't know, but he still follows me on Instagram and I've told this story a few times. We won't put this one online.

Well, he'll know because I did the Maccas commercial and he has red hair so he knows it's him. And he goes, well, I'm Ronald McDonald. That was me. Mrs Ronald McDonald's not happy. She's like, is that where you took the van? That van's for... the Big Macs. Delivery.

And your last name's McRae. Give you the Big Mac. You gave him the Big Mac. I can't. That's good. That's good. Oh, my God. That is so good. People are going to find him. That's good. That's good. Oh, my God. That is so good.

People are going to find him. Uh-oh. Well, if I know. I mean, people know who Ronald McDonald is. So, you know, he's a pretty high profile guy. Pretty big deal. Yeah. Oh, no.

If you're interested, go down to the Manly Beach car park. Knock on the van three times. Right? Yeah. I've had a lot of water. Are you interested? Oh, it's good. Let's finish up with a you love to see it.

You got a recommendation for us? Yeah, it was a book rec. Now, can I just say with recommendations, it's high stakes. So Ryan is the shit recommender on the podcast. No, can I just say with recommendations, it's high stakes. So Ryan is the shit recommender on the podcast. No, I've redeemed myself many times. I don't think you have. So he offered a few suggestions that didn't go down super well on the whole. Yeah.

And so he was the house shit recommender. I reckon I'm better than you at them. I reckon the public is swayed. But what I'm saying is if you go all in on this book, you better fucking hope it's good because you'll be remembered for what you're about to say. I'm nervous. Yeah, but don't worry, they'll forget about the squirting.

It's like it's a book for my ladies because I talk a lot about period stuff on my own pod and in my content about like being period positive. So I started reading a book called In The Flow. Have you heard it no i haven't alissa viti viti alissa viti and it's just about looking at your like 28 day cycle and working around your month rather than like being cruel on yourself when you're having a shit week oh that's really cool and i think as well it's one

of those things that most people are just like oh oh, like, don't talk about it. Don't talk about it. No. Or, you know, like you don't feel like you can be open about it with your partner or your housemates or whoever you're with all the time. I love that. Yeah, making it work for you because like you're going to go through that every month. And yeah, you need to like change your schedule around what part of your cycle you're in. Yeah.

And that if you know that you're going to be hungry that week, actually like honouring that rather than being like, oh, well, I'm not allowed junk food. Like, you know, all of those things. That's really cool. Oh, we'll pop a screenshot in the episode third for today. In the link in bio, just below Maddie's Tinder bio. You'll be able to buy it on Amazon.

Tony, what have you got? I love to see it. This one is very cute. I love to see it. That a tar very cute. I love to see it. That a tarpa shared in our Facebook group, Nick McIntyre, who said she's very super proud of a little Facebook group she created for Sydney sliders called Happiness Rocks. And they painted over 800 rocks and hid them in a local estate in Sydney

for kids to find on Halloween. And I've got a photo. I'm just going to try and do the, like, laptop showing thing. Oh! When you said painted, I just assumed, like, a solid colour. Same, same. There's an orange rock. Cool story, bud.

Yeah, and so they did it for, like, a little trick-or-treat exercise so that kids could kind of do, like, a bit of a treasure hunt. Scavenger hunt. Like, yeah, for Halloween in their estate. And the group on Facebook now has 4,500 members. That's fucking cool. It is amazing. And so they got all of the supplies donated and all the women

in the estate all like sat down and painted them all and this month they're doing N for November, like paint anything that begins with the letter N and they're going to hide those and then all the kids can find them. And I think that's so sweet and so wholesome. That's really sweet. I know. I love to see that.

Do we know which area in Sydney? Is this a specific estate or is it growing? It says Western Sydney, but excited to see how far we go. So I'm guessing that now people do it in their own areas. Yeah. Because, like, how hard would that be to set up? You join the group, they give you a theme, and then you go, oh, we're in, like, a little estate or whatever.

You could fucking easily do that. Could we put out, not that they were rocks, although sort of rockish when we did the little artwork for Halloween, you know, we painted those little concrete pumpkins. Oh, those little pumpkins, yeah. Could we put those in here in Melbourne? I threw those in the bin. Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, I'm really sorry. They weren't very good. Speak to yourself, mate. Yours were fucking terrible. Tell me what you really think. Mate, they were fucking crook as fuck. I threw those in the bin. They might still be in the bottom of the bin.

But I actually also threw out some porridge as well the other day. Maybe that would improve my work though. That might be a bit of a mess. They look pretty shit. They're slightly less shit now that they've got some porridge over the top. They've got a bit of porridge. Maya loved to see it. We've moved into the new house.

Oh, very exciting. Ryan's actually recently bought a house and it looks exactly like Beyonce's Airbnb. It's very fancy. I like the way you said Beyonce. Beyonce. Thank you. Also, Atapa DM'd me because I took a photo in the kitchen the other day and she goes, oh, I've been through that house.

I was at one of the openings. Did you have to pay her off to not share your address online? She called the Daily Mail. And she said, I'm glad that went to you guys because I love that place. It is a beautiful house. But we still don't have a side gate. We don't have a side fence and we've got a dog. And he's a Kelpie.

So he loves to run around. And there's no side gate. So yesterday I'm on the computer looking up some normal on ours to share with you guys today. Bridget's, I think she was down the back doing something else. And we both thought that the dog BJ was with the other one. So Bridget's like, oh, BJ's at the front. Brian, I was like, oh, she's there.

And it turned out he'd got out. He just wandered up the side gate and he'd gone. So we get this knock on the door and this lady goes, is this your dog? And I went, yeah. Why do you have him? Yeah, why the fuck? Have you stolen our dog?

Yeah. And she said, I walked down the street about an hour ago and he was just sitting at the front door. And then I came back because she went and walked her dog and then she walked back and he was still sitting at the front door. So she goes, oh, I'll just wander over. So she knocks on the door and goes, is this your dog? Because he couldn't knock himself because no opposable thumbs.

No opposable thumbs. Yeah. It's really hard. And so I didn't know if you'll have to say it, is that the lady was like a good Samaritan. Or the fact that the dog got out. So apparently he just wandered out, like had a sniff in the front yard and then knew that me and Bridget were inside.

So he just waited at the front door. He's like, they'll come and get me when they want. He just let us know. And he was just laying in the sun, like on his back, living his best life, and he didn't run away. That's great. So does this mean we don't need a gate or that we do really need a gate? I'd say still do the gate.

At the moment, I've got three bins just, like, piled up around the side. Yeah, and it turns out BJ can just walk around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd get a gate. Yeah, okay. Okay, good chat. You're good for it, mate. Get the gate.

Get the gate. Well, my love to see is that the dog didn't run away because he loves me so much. That's amazing. That is very good. I think people would literally, like like piss, bolt and fuck off. And then go, well, now I'm really hungry and the people next door won't feed me salmon. So I have to go back. Tony's dog, very specific diet.

Only ate salmon. Food. Must be nice. It must be nice. I'm fucking eating bloody chicken off the floor. She's eating salmon. At the dining table. Well, Maddie, thank you so much for joining us.

This has been super fun. Did you have fun? I had a lot of fun. Great. Did you promise? Is that just something you say to people? Yeah, do you say that? Are you pretending to squirt?

Yeah, you might need to get a new chair. You're just weak. She fucking loved it. Check this out. She was so good. I'm going to be on her. Definitely. No, thanks, guys. It's been fun.

Oh, yay. Yay. Wait. Love you, bye. Love you, bye.