Toni and Ryan - Manscaping Mishaps

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

We hear your BEST home-grooming mishaps and I need to know how far is too far to go for your partner. Love ya Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. Jess, it's Tony and Ryan. And Jess, I'm not being funny, but you're the second person we've rung and they haven't answered. We actually can't record a podcast.

How disappointing. And it's from our end of the neck of the woods as well, Pennsylvania. Oh, I love the old Penn, Penn State. Is that what they say? Well, that's a school there, yeah. And Tony's actually going to be hosting a wedding there. Yeah, but you know who I'm not going to be catching up with? It's you, Jess.

Nah, just kidding. Unless you call back then. Yeah, if you call back then we will. Hey, Jess, I approve. Thanks, guys. Yeah, hi, Jess. Yeah, see you. Oh, she just texted me. It, Jess, I approve. Thanks, guys. Yeah, hi, Jess. Yeah, see you. Oh, she just texted me.

It didn't let me answer. She's Instagram calling me. Oh, look who finally decided to call back. Hey, it's Ryan here. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm well.

Tony and I have been trying to call you and you've been dodging our calls. Is that correct? Yes. You feel better. So we've been trying to call you and it doesn't work. By the way, I'm recording this right now. Yeah, I figured. No, it wouldn't, like, it popped up and it said unknown number,

unknown call, and I went to answer it and it said no. And then I tried, I was able to listen to your voicemail, but I wasn't able to call back well first of all I don't I didn't mean anything I may or may not have said in the voicemail and Tony's nodding in a in a green come over here oh she's unplugging herself come on this is a likely story I don't think that this is what happened I think she doesn't want to talk to us which I think is incredibly rude yeah it's not like I put a reminder in my calendar and had it go off like 15 minutes ahead of time. I put a reminder in to say do not answer the phone.

And Jess actually texted me last night on Instagram saying, can't wait to chat tomorrow, like going to be great. So I guess the story checks out. It's all a part of my plan. Well, now that we've got you on some weird Instagram live chat that I didn't know existed until now, and I'm just holding your phone up to the microphone, is it okay if you would approve this podcast?

Hypothetically, what would you do if I or someone, I'm not saying me, if I or someone said no? I would kiss Tony on the mouth. I don't approve. We would have to keep calling people and you would have to fight with all the other people on Patreon who are trying to book in and can't get a booking. And wasting the opportunity.

No, I do approve. Okay, finally. We bullied her into it. It's great. Let's start the show. Hey, it's Jess from Philadelphia, and I approve this podcast. Is that what piercings do? I think sometimes if you get your nipples pierced,

they just, like, erect all the time time and I think that looks hot as fuck. So on tomorrow's episode, or by the way, I've decided we're recording and we're recording now. Oh, OK, cool. On tomorrow's episode, we're talking about Scream and there's a scene... I know the one you're talking about. ..where it was like, they've obviously made a choice.

They've gone, oh, in this scene in particular, we're going to need to make her nipples like little marbles. Yep. Rock hard and just so sticking through the shirt. When she's in the garage. She's like walking down the little stairs. Yeah. And even my wife, Bridget, was like, someone on set has decided

that that doesn't just happen. No, no. A choice has been made. Her nipples need to be bigger. And that's what you want, apparently. And apparently the person who made that choice on Scream also worked on Friends because all of their nipples are hard the whole time. Really?

Yeah. It's cool, though. Is it, though? Because it was that time in the 90s and I wore more bras. But it's not the 90s now, it's 2021 and you're saying you want that. I think it looks really cool. The reason we're talking about this is because I often wear a jacket or an overshirt because I'm scared of my man boobs

and I have protruding nips through my T-shirt. And my wife claims it because I buy terrible, cheap, shitty shirts that my nips come through. And I said there is not a shirt strong enough or thick enough to hold these bad boys back. Anyway, welcome to the show. Tony and Ryan here. Welcome to a Wednesday episode. Tomorrow on the show it is Halloween.

And it's a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a Halloween special. We're going to give you a bon a bonus. It's a bonus. It's a Halloween special. We're going to give you a boner episode. That's coming up also. Yeah, it is. Sorry, mate. What have you got coming up here, mate?

How are you doing? I don't think I want to talk about it now. But no, I do. Of course I do. Love the sound of my own voice. How far would you, Ryan, and anybody listening go for your partner? I'd go anywhere for Bridget. That's beautiful.

And I would drive at least the 80 metres from my house to get to your house. Oh, okay. At least. At least, okay. And is that just because the place down the road from me makes a mean Kransky wrapped in pastry? It's on the way.

I'd like to talk about grooming injuries. Injuries. I think it's one of those things that just like makes you grab your bits. It really does. So I apologise that if when listening to this your legs cross, where you kind of do what I'm doing now, it's like a bit of a kneel down, like I feel strange. But I asked people in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group,

can you share a grooming mishap? That's what I want to hear about. Now, Erin, she says, I burned myself trying to do a DIY bikini wax, and because of the location of the burn, I couldn't wear underwear for a whole week because it was so painful. Oh, Joel. So I had to go without. Avery, poor guy, he said he forgot to put the guard on the clippers and he nicked the

sack. Oh, you don't want to nick your sack. And ended up in hospital. In hospital? In hospital. I guess it's quite soft skin, isn't it? Yeah. It's very delicate.

And there's a worse hospitalisation on the way. Holly said that she got a bikini wax and the wax got stuck and it ripped out a chunk of her skin and she ended up with an extra hole for a few months in between the other two. There was a bit of a gap. That would be so painful. I've been to a place once where it was for my eyebrows eyebrows, but the wax was too hot and it like ripped some of my skin off. Apparently, and from what I'm reading, and obviously

we ask for mishaps and injuries, but that happens all the time. Yeah, like they just have the wax too hot and it just because like, well, if you were getting your eyebrows waxed or your like upper lip waxed or your privates waxed or even your armpits or whatever. It's such like delicate skin and yet just like rips the – my sister-in-law actually told me that this happened to her when I was younger and I was like, oh, my God, you'd never get your eyebrows waxed again.

And then it happened to me. Yeah, well, you guys didn't learn, did you? No. Well, sometimes I'll get – I mean, they're atrocious at the moment because we've only just come out of lockdown. So sometimes I'll get – and you've probably seen this, a few, like one random eyebrow hair that's just crazy out of control. I've actually got a photo of us in the car together once because the light hit your face and this eyebrow, it was like it was fucking casting a fishing line.

It was like almost out the front of the car. It was huge. So sometimes Bridget will see these and, like, rip out the one little hair. Yep. And then if I dare complain, she's like, do you know what girls go through and what girls have hair ripped out of them? No, I do not like that because it's a choice.

Thank you. Yep, we all have hair and if you want it on your body or you want it gone, it's completely your choice. No one has to have their body hair ripped out. Thank you. And it's, yep, no, fuck you, Bridget. So if she decides to have something ripped out of her, that's her choice.

That's a choice. But when she pins me down and holds down my face to the couch and rips hair out of my face, I don't have a choice anymore. She's taken that away from me. Yeah, no, I don't like that. That sounds, are you all right, mate? Do you want to talk off air? I think I've said enough about that ordeal.

And she listens to this podcast religiously, so she'll know. She'll know your heartbreak here. Candice said that she was back in her hometown, like for Christmas or whatever, she was back in her hometown and she was like, oh, I probably need to, like for Christmas or whatever, she was back in her hometown and she was like, oh, I probably need to go to like the salon or whatever. Mum, you know, what's a recommendation in Japan?

She goes, oh, there's this lady down the street. Yeah, because who doesn't say to their girlfriends or their mum or whatever, must be nice, like, oh, what's a good waxing place to go to? So Candice gets on the table and the lady says, wow, your hair is a lot straighter than your mum's. Are you sure you're not adopted? She's never been back and never been more mortified, and rightly so. And I feel like surely the waxer would know, just don't comment,

just do your job and move on. Well, I actually have only ever had my bikini line waxed once. Right. And it took a lot of confidence because I am not the thinnest person and I've just got like I'm like not that comfortable with my body and I really don't want to sit there. And I know it's so normal and waxers and doctors and stuff. They see a million vaginas a day.

It doesn't matter. Vaginas. Vaginas. It's the Invisalign. They see it all the time. It doesn't matter. Vaginas. Vaginas. It's the Invisalign. They see it all the time. They don't care. I was really, really nervous and worked myself up. I was like, you know what?

I'm going to go. I'm going to do it. This was about three years ago. And at the time I was working on a radio show called Jason PJ here in Melbourne. And I went into this chick and she was absolutely lovely. Right. And we'd been chatting and she set me up and she was like, cool, so just like lay down on the bed.

Let me like yell out when you're ready. I'll come in. We'll start going. So we chatted for probably five or ten minutes and she talked to me all about it. I lay down. I'm like, yep, Jen, like come in. She comes in.

She starts waxing away. We're chatting and whatever. And then she puts a big strip of wax on my fanny. She's in my john. Yep, she's up in there. Puts a big bit of wax on. And then she goes, oh, I've just realised where I know you from. Oh, no.

No, no, no. Jason PJ. I go, she rips the wax off. I'm in shock. Screaming. Yeah, and then I was like, so you didn't recognise my face, but you've recognised me giant. Oh, this does look familiar. She goes, oh, I do know where I know you from. I thought I knew, but now I've seen this, I know where I know you from. Like, you thought it was embarrassing getting, you know, the plumber walking in and you'd shit all over your house and you had your Facebook page open.

She was looking into the depths of my body. Like she would have seen my soul in there and that's when she's decided to say, oh, I know where you work every day. And how did you react? I was like, oh, dear. I was lost for words. But, yeah, I was hanging out. Nowhere to hide.

Literally, yep. And did you ever go back? No, I've never been back. Because of that reason? Well, I was just really embarrassed. And then very sadly through COVID she's actually closed down. Because I was like, I'll work myself back up. I'll go back there.

Did she close down because of COVID or because of the awful review that you've given? I did not give an awful review. She was great. You've given one now. I still follow her on Instagram. She's great. But, yeah, I was mortified.

And rightly so. How embarrassing. They should know. Again, just don't make comments. All right, Alex. She made her now husband do the work because, again, during COVID, lockdowns, business closes, sometimes you've got to improvise.

I'd let Torbs do that for me. I'd ask him. Would he do it? I think so. Interesting. Oh, would you do it for Bridget? Let me just read this next line. I think this is why I wouldn't do it.

Okay. We screamed at each other for an hour and barely finished the ordeal within that time. Oh, actually, that's a, yeah. Yeah, and I just think like, hey, would I be willing? I guess. Yeah. But I just think, oh, it hurts.

Don't do it like that. I'm trying to help. Don't yell at me. This isn't my, like, this is just drama. So Alex made her husband do it and they were screaming at each other. And, of course, once you've started, you don't just, you can't stop.

You can't stop. And the longer you leave the wax on, the more it hurts to rip it off. Wow. Oh, okay. Sorry. Alex, very aware of that scenario. Oh. The next morning.

Fuck no. I woke up and my entire region was covered in a dark purple bruise. Much like our studio. This is what Alex's vagina looked like, our studio. Like a plum. Like a plum. It stayed purple for about nine or ten days. And then the purple, and it's not the exact colour,

but you'll understand when I say it went from that purple to that yellow. To that yellowy. Yeah. Like when a bruise is healing. Yeah. So that dark yellow, that purple to that yellow. Yeah. Like when a bruise is healing. Yeah. So that dark yellow, like almost like a mustard. Yeah. And she said that stayed as a mustard color and a yellow color for about

another two weeks after that. Oh, that poor thing. And for the whole two weeks of the yellowness because of the color, her and her partner described it as the Simpsons minge. Why didn't they say mingesons? Lost opportunity there. The mingesons. Wax my fanny.

All right, Billy. Billy says, I didn't like my chest hair when I was younger, so I used nair to remove it. Well, he says, I didn't like my chest hair when I was younger, so I used Nair to remove it. He covered his whole chest, including his nipples, in the Nair all over his chest. Like the hair removal cream? Yeah.

And he said, because I'd never used it before, you don't really know how much to apply, how much is too much, how much is not enough. So he's like smeared his whole chest, including his nipples, in the Nair and he said before too long they were burning. It would have stung so badly. And he said not just hot, just like excruciating, unbearable. And as people will know who have used similar creams

or maybe just used deep heat on muscles, does this make sense? It's almost like a delayed response. Like once you put it on, you can't feel it. Then a minute later, it's a bit hotter and a bit hotter. And it gets a bit hotter, a bit hotter and a bit hotter. And by the time you take it off, it's too late. It's in. It's in.

And so by the time he realised, oh, I've put too much on, the damage has been done. Oh, my gosh. That poor thing. And how, did you say that quite young? He was quite young? Yeah, I must have been late teen. So he wouldn't have gone out and told his mum.

He wouldn't have gone like, mum, I've screwed up here. He would have just been so embarrassed. Billy says, the pain lasted all day and was so intense. I genuinely, and this line sends shivers through me. I genuinely considered cutting my nipples off because I thought that would have been less painful than what I was experiencing at the time. Imagine your nipples burning so much, speaking of how hard they were, they're burning so much that you thought cutting them off

will relieve me of pain. And because when you're wearing a shirt and for people that don't wear bras, if your shirt rubs on your nipples, it's really sensitive. So it would have just been even worse. Oh, I actually, oh, that poor little thing. Sorry, did he prefer the hairless chest or? I think, well, he said he's grown now and he actually doesn't mind

the hairy chest and Cherry Hest represent. What do you like? You just said Cherry Hest. Cherry Hest represent. Do you like your hairy chest? Yeah, I do. Interesting. Like, but if Torb said I'm going to wax it all off or shave it all off,

I, like, wouldn't care. But, yeah, I like it. Maybe it's like when you, like, I had a hairy chest, like, my whole, when I was a teenager, like my whole childhood. You're a hairy boy. How dare you? What, no. I mean, you're not wrong, you're not wrong.

But you are like. But when you're like 15, a hairy chest is a bit like, whoa. But now you're older, it's like, you know, is what it is, bro. Yeah. Well, I shaved my toes as a kid because someone told me that, did you know that if you've got hair on your toes, we know that you've got pubic hair and I was really embarrassed so I shaved my toes and now I have to always shave them because they grow back really thick and long and it's disgusting. So I have to shave my toes like every day. That hair grows back faster than anything you've ever seen in your life. And now that you've shaved them for so often, so long,

it's just going to be thicker and thicker and thicker. Yeah, it's just more and more fucked. Just because someone was like, we know you've got pubic hair, you've got toe hair. And I was like, ew, how embarrassing, pubic hair. So I fucking shaved my toes. Who was the person that said that? I can't even remember.

We'll think about it. We'll call them next week because they've obviously ruined your life. They've ruined my life. Matt said, when I was a teenager, I decided to use my mum's razor that was in the shower because I never had shaved my face before. So I thought I want to get to know how to use it and do whatever. Yep. My older sister started laughing at me and told me what that shaver had been used for

on her body. Yep. And I still haven't looked at my own sister in the eye in the years since she told me where she was shaving that I then put on my face. Face. Yeah. I feel you, Matt. All right, let's go to...

You don't have any siblings. You only live with your mum, so... No, I mean I feel the embarrassment. You know what? I don't feel you, Matt. You are not felt by me. Oh, poor Matt. Kitely Bodger and Hal from Canada. Strap yourselves in, folks. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Kitely Bodger and Hal from Canada.

Strap yourselves in, folks. Oh, okay. Me and my new partner were going on holiday, so I thought I'd get a wax for a bit of a treat. And, you know, if you're going to a beach destination or whatever. Yeah, and then you don't have to worry about, like, shaving your legs every day and stuff. Yeah.

Right before things got interesting on the first night, because they were a new couple, by the way, so it might have been, like like their first trip away together. Oh, there's nothing like that. Like first, it's a bit of a test, isn't it? Honeymoon period as well. Yeah. And you're still on.

Yeah. You like can't get your hands off each other. Can't get your hands off each other. What did I say? Oh, yeah, can't. You can't. Right before things got interesting, I thought it'd be a good idea to put some grapefruit oil into my body wash so that I would smell fresh.

What? Grapefruit oil into the body wash so she would feel and smell fresh for him. Uh-huh. Bad idea. Someone's allergic? I was screaming as if I was being stabbed to death. I was screaming as if I was being stabbed to death. The guy comes running into the bathroom and I've got one leg up on the sink,

splashing cold water on my unmentionables because it is burning. Apparently grapefruit oil in the wrong spot, 100% no. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. That's a great tip. Anybody listening, don't put grapefruit oil on your Johnny John. The guy asked what happened and I pointed to the grapefruit oil and he claimed, oh, you're overreacting. Oh, okay, red flag, straight away.

Straight away. I hope they're not together anymore. Surely it wouldn't have hurt that much. Oh, you put it on your fanny then, dickhead. Well, that's what she said. Maybe not those exact words. Not a big deal, he claimed. Kitely Bodger.

Boy, was he wrong. We were both screaming and had to share the sink as we both splashed our own genitals back and forth. Like we had a roster for about 20 minutes straight. I was splashing mine for a minute. Then he's like, no, let me get my leg up there. I need some cold water. And they were both just burning their genitals raw.

Oh, my God. I wonder, though, if there's, like, you know, like strength in numbers, like if they didn't feel so crazy because they were both feeling the same way and then neither of them had to feel guilty about not wanting to have sex because they'd both feeling the same way and then neither of them had to feel guilty about not wanting to have sex because they'd both burnt their sex organs off. Well, I mean, if you're going away on what sounds like a sex holiday and then you just weren't able to because you just sat there

with ice on your junk trying to cool yourself down. But is there something nice about how is your... Yeah, we're in this together. How's that feeling for you? Oh, I'll get the ice pack this time. Maybe it was nice. Well, Kitely says, lesson learned. And everyone, just letting you know, grapefruit oil, not on your bit.

Not a great time. All right, final one is from Sheeby. Sheeby, hi. One time I was manscaping and I didn't have my ball clippers. Is that a separate thing? Well, because there are now specific tools for men that are just a better size and shape and a bit safer to do your manscaping. So maybe a bit more narrow so you've not got a big razor.

Yep. You've got agile. Yeah. You can kind of maneuver it around shorter. Because balls are hairy, folks. And you don't want to nick your sack. Well, haven't we learned that the hard way? When you shave your ballies, does it make them like,

do they get really stubbly? They can. Because wouldn't that be quite uncomfortable? Because if you do it on your jaw and it can get a bit like. Is that the technical term? Yeah, I'm a doctor. So he didn't have his ball clippers, so he had to use the big hair trimmers, which as discussed, not as particular, not as accurate,

and they're really like. So like to shave your head with. Yeah, and they're like a big thicker shaver. Yeah, and heavy as well, so you can't really like do anything with it. Surely you're going to just leave your balls hairy. Surely. Sheeby says, I'd like everyone to know that specialty balls trimmers, 10 out of 10 recommend because I don't want anyone to experience

what I went through. I did a little nick of the sack, which is not uncommon for men. Everyone's experienced that. Didn't think much of it. When I finished up and toweled down, I looked at... What? Like, dried himself. What did you...?

Wait, is he wet at this point? Well, he's in the bathroom, I guess, doing his... Well, he is doing his bits and pieces and he's, like, going to have a shower and stuff, whatever. Sure. And I don't know if he had, like, shaving cream or whatever. Sorry, yep. Not important.

When I looked at the white towel, all I could see was blood. And I'm one of those people that can't see blood and I passed out instantly, unconscious, fell on the bathroom floor, out for the count. He said he wakes up sometime later, just comes to. Yeah. And he's laying naked on the bathroom floor and because the hot water in the shower is on, he's like, it's like a sauna.

The whole thing is steamed because the hot water's been going on the whole time. Oh, my God. He looks down at his junk. The blood has dried to his scrotum, to his leg, and dripped all the way down to his foot and, again, it is dried and, like, stuck onto him. Yeah.

So he panics. He calls or he texts his female friend who is a nurse and he's like sending her photos of his balls and he's like, I don't know what to do. You're a nurse. Sorry that you have to see this. What should I do? And she goes, you need to go to the hospital immediately.

He ends up getting three stitches, stitches in his sack and then he said it was itchy for a few days and he thought, well, I've got stitches, obviously it's going to be quite unpleasant. When he went to the surgery to get it taken care of, he ends up getting a staph infection in the cut where the stitches were in his balls and he gets a fever for three weeks and any time he's like coughing and sneezing

and he's in bed and people are like, what happened? He said he has to tell them the whole story, that he cut his balls in the shower and then passed out and fell on the ground. And then got a staph infection. Of all things, like a staph infection is cooked. Oh, my God, that is, I feel really, I thought these were going to be like funny and lighthearted, like, oh, but that is actually terrifying.

Does that put you off? Are you then like, I don't want to, I'd rather have a hairy area? Like they said, specialty ball trimmers. Yeah. 10 out of 10. Yeah. Never leave a house without it. Using anything, house shearers, head cutters, don't improvise.

Use what you have or just wait till next time. Yeah, or get maybe a professional to have a look. Or just carzan it and let it ride. Yeah, let it go. Let it ride. Let it go. What? Well, it's a children's.

Not the right. Yeah, maybe not. Not the right area. No, but yeah, I just did not think that that was going to be so scary. Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, we should have said that for the Halloween episode. not think that that was going to be so scary. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Oh, we should have said that for the Halloween episode. Hey, it's Jess from Philadelphia, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow, a special extra episode this week. Usually we do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Tomorrow on Thursday, a Halloween special, which will include... Say it properly. How do you say it again? Halloween.

Halloween. Halloween pick-up lines. Pick-up lines you can only use during Halloween. So if you're going to a Halloween party tonight, over the weekend, use some of these lines. See how you go. Do you reckon they'll be successful? Mate, I could pick you up any day of the week.

Try it now. I'll make you my boo. Like a ghost. Like a ghost. Boo. If you texted that to me, I would ghost you. I've got to cross two off my list

now. Damn it. I've only got three left. Well, that's on tomorrow's show. Anyone who joins the Tony and Ryan Patreon gets to be an approver of the podcast. They also get exclusive bonus no one else can hear episodes. Two episodes a month. Lots of our champion tarpers are now receiving their personalised video

from Tony and I. If you haven't got yours yet, it's coming. And we also said that for every one person who signs up during the month of October, we will eat one nugget in one sitting. We're currently at about 550 and there's a few days left. So in the first week of November, some way, somehow we will be eating those nuggets. And we'll do a little live stream as well.

We've figured it out. Our video guy, Franco, he's barred up for it. He's on it. Yeah, he's ready to go. But we want to say thank you to a few champion tapas. Thomas Anand, thank you so much. Rhys Wooten, oh, the big woot. Oh, the woot.

Christine Luchow, thank you so much. Alexandra Liddy, Kevin Williams, Ashley Lee, Jackie Ha, James Corden, low-key username Jamie Corden, Zach Nemich, Nathan Fairclough, Hayden Glaster, Glaster Legal. You need a lawyer, get on to Hayden. Stacey Nansen, thank you. Jack Burrows, thank you so much. Isaac Timonin-Huynh, Evan Borski, John Dutras, Lexi Whitlark,

Monique DeRocha and Kristen Page. Thank you so, so much for supporting us. And thank you for murdering us when we eat the nuggets next week. With the frickin' nuggets. The frickin' chicken. So you might have seen I have Invisalign. You do have Invisalign. I just got it.

And I think I'm doing a pretty good job of chatting with the Invisalign. I think it sounds same. Yep. Sounds same. Sounds same. I've forgotten how to use words, but apparently it's fine. And there are a few things that you actually can't do with Invisalign in. So my dentist was like, okay, cool.

So you can, you know, you can't eat with Invisalign in. You've got to have it in for 22 hours a day. You've got to like brush your teeth and floss. Can you drink with it? Well, so my dentist has said that it's fine because you can have water because obviously water is just- If someone like stain it, is that the- Yeah. So you can't have anything like coloured. So I probably wouldn't drink like black coffee or Coke or like red wine or anything. But I can have my coffee in the morning with it in. I think as well, she has said that so that I don't leave them

out for too long because every time you take them out, you've got to brush your teeth and floss before you put them back in and you have to wear them for 22 hours a day or it doesn't work. But basically for anybody that doesn't know, they put like these little glue buttons on your teeth and then you put like a plastic retainer in and over a year the retainers move your teeth and then you put like a plastic retainer in and over a year the retainers move your teeth.

It's actually very cool. So I've just gotten that and I'm kind of getting used to life with them. So I haven't been snacking because every time I want to eat something, I have to take them out and then put them back into the whole thing. And so the ordeal is not worth a quick chisel? No.

It's actually just not. I've noticed I've done my fair share of the chisel eating today. Yeah, when earlier I was like, do we have five minutes? Because I'll take my Invisalign out, I'll have a chomp, and then I'll like, you know, floss quickly and put them back in. So everything at the moment, we talked about the chisels being a high admin food. Everything at the moment is a high admin food

because I've got to floss straight after. Your face is high admin at this point. Literally. Anyway, so I'm kind of coming to terms with life within Visalign now. And this is probably not really a good habit, but I pick the skin around my fingernails a lot. Yeah, that's not a good habit. It's not. And you know, when you get the little like hard bits in there and you just want to like get them out? Make it out, yeah. Yeah. Do you use your teeth? Normally. Does that count as coloured food? Well, it's not that it's a coloured food but it's that my teeth now.

Aren't sharp. Yeah. They're wearing little condoms. They've got protection on them. A smoothed edge. Yes, it's smooth. So I actually, my teeth, this is so gross, my teeth actually can't, like, get into my cuticle

to, like, get the little bit of skin out. What a hard life you lead. Well, it's... How do you survive? It's new as well. So I'm like, oh, my God, I'm just realising this thing that I always do. And it's probably good to break a habit.

I think I know what you're about to say. So this is where the question of how far would you go for your partner comes in. No, he didn't. So I'm sitting on the couch and I'm playing with this little bit of skin on my finger and I said. No. And I was like, fuck, I've just realised I can't get this because,

and maybe a normal non-lazy human would have gotten up and like gotten some tweezers or some little nail scissors or something. Or heaven forbid, just not picked their nails. Not done it. I looked at Torbs, my boyfriend of eight years, boyfriend of seven, been doing it for eight. Math checks out, good.

And said, would it be too far for me to ask you to bite the skin off my finger? And he obviously said yes because I wouldn't do that. That's disgusting because he is a – I'm wasting my breath, aren't I? And he said – No, he didn't. Of course not. No. Of course not.

As in, of course that's not too far. He grabbed my hand, looked at the bit of skin and put – like didn't even question it, put my finger in his mouth and got it straight away. Like he got it straight away. Like he got it straight away. Were you, okay, were you impressed? Were you thankful or were you disgusted that he obliged with this? I said, I'm really sorry for asking you to do that,

but I don't think I've ever loved you more. I thought that was so sweet and not like romantic and beautiful, but like I just, I really needed a hand. I just needed him to just do that and he did it and I was just like, I love you because there are just no, there's no limits to our relationship and it just fell. I think there should be limits. There should be boundaries.

There should be a line where you say, no, I am my own man and I respect you as my partner that you need to be your own independent man torbs and this is something that you should not be forced to do he was no uh-uh he was not forced i said would it be too much for me to ask you it's a pretty leading question no but like he could have been like fuck no go get some tweezers you lazy bitch and then you would have hated him for it. No, and I would have been like, actually, that's fair. That's disgusting. In the moment, you've just realised, yep, I can't do it with my teeth

because of the Invisalign. I asked her. 24 hours later. Yep. Now that you've had time to think about it and you're not in that moment of, oh, my God, there's a chunk of skin. And also because, like, I get anxious. That's what I mean.

I just wanted it. I get that in the moment that might have been a great choice. Yep. In the cold, harsh light of day in reality time later, do you think that is disgusting? I actually still think it's nice. Oh, my God. He spat the skin out.

He didn't eat it or anything. He's not like fucking Hannibal Lecter. Where did he spit it? Did he spit it into the bin? So he spit it onto his finger. How long was it in his mouth before he spat it? Oh, literally a second. He got it out.

I took my finger back. He went, you know when you kind of like just have something in your teeth or whatever and you like spit it onto your finger? And then he went and washed his hands. Well, first of all, spitters are quitters. We all know that. Second of all. I'm a lady.

I don't spit. I'm polite. How rude. If someone offered you a drink and you spat it on the floor, rude. Rude. You offer me something, I'm taking it graciously. Thank you very much. That's why he bit the skin off my finger.

You know what? Worst things of his have been in my mouth. It's time he could return the favor, okay? Yeah, righto. Step up to the plate. I've changed my tune completely. Now that you've said it like that, I don't mind it. It's just occurred to me.

Yes. And sorry that I forgot this person's name. I received a DM during the week. Uh-huh. Because that whole time you were telling that story, I wanted to vomit because that is disgusting. Oh, that's not vomit worthy. You didn't suck the snot out of my nose like you have to do for kids

or something. I wanted to make like a vomit sound. I got a message during the week and it said, hey, Ryan, I think the Tony and Ryan podcast is really funny. I listen every morning when I go for a walk. But. But I'm one of those people where any time I hear someone do a vomit sound, it makes me need to vomit.

Oh, okay. And so I'll be walking along listening, because it's normal for you to, you know, it's like a way of audibly showing something's gross. Yes. And she said, I'll be walking along laughing and throwing up on my walk because every time Tony does. An actual throw up.

Yeah. Or like sometimes dry rage, but then sometimes follows through. Because every time I hear Tony do the sound that is she's gone. Alright, let's test this. Oh, no, didn't go for it. She would have just thrown up. That gives me a lot of power. You don't mind that, do you? No, I like it. You're thirsty for power. Yeah, I think I like that. So you've got power over this lady. You've got power over Torbs biting your fingers. I've got power over Torbs, biting your fingers.

Biting the skin out of my fingers. Ever since you got Invisalign, you've changed, man. You've changed so bad. I love how lazy it's made me in literally a day. Pick my own nails. I'm an Invisalign ambassador. Someone bite my hand, because heaven forbid I'd do it myself.

By the way, gorgeous Miles Dentistry. Downtown Melbourne, great dentist, Dr Manu, if you're listening. Love you. Love your work. Ahead of our Halloween episode, our Halloween episode that is tomorrow. This is sort of an opposite. You love to see it. It's something I would love to see.

Okay. But I couldn't find it that easily. Okay, it's not like manifest time. Maybe we could do that if you want. So I went to just like the local shopping centre, Victoria Gardens in Richmond. Nice. Looking for a Halloween costume.

Did you? When were you there? Last night. Oh. What time did you go? Well, I was there yesterday at about 5.30. Me too. Fuck off.

We might have just missed each other. Why didn't you call me? We could have caught up or something. Oh, because you were having friends over and I wasn't invited. This is awkward. It is, isn't it? Yeah. You love have caught up or something. Oh, because you were having friends over and I wasn't invited. This is awkward. It is, isn't it? Yeah. You love to see it.

Yeah. You know what I would have loved to have seen? Being invited to my friend's house for a drink on a Friday. Well, it was friends that you don't really know. We both know that's not true. All right. So what I would love to see is Halloween costumes that when the person helping me says, cool, so what's the age of the child?

And I was like, 34? Is there double XL? Because they had a cape and I put it on and it looked like I was wearing a bib. And I was like, I don't want a bib, I want a cape. Oh, that's, oh, honey. Did you find an adult's one? No, I've got some stuff to Halloween it up, but it's not a full outfit because, and my fault, last minute,

there's no dress-up stores open because of lockdown. Nothing's open, yeah. So I did my best. You'll see it on the YouTubes. Okay. That's going to be very interesting. So my you'll have to see it is actually a little bit different. So I got a message from Thea and she works in a

doggy daycare. Oh, how good. Very cute. And she messaged me and said, bit of a random one, but whenever I put your podcast on, I play it like on my speakers and it calms the dogs down immediately. You are joking. No. She sent me this video and there's audio, but it's literally just us talking in the background. Yeah. But hit play on that bad boy and explain what you see. I'll pop this video into our Tony and Ryan podcast group, which you can join at the Instagram bios and TikTok bios for us.

The dogs are so calm. But there's like 12 dogs. There's a golden retriever, a little pug. Oh, that guy looks like BJ. He's a little kelpy. I wish my dog listened to my podcast. He doesn't like it. And these other dogs do.

But usually when you have 10 or 12 dogs together, it's just a madhouse. They're fucking riled up. They're loving hanging out with their buddies. Like it's, you know, it's like a madhouse. They're fucking riled up. They're loving hanging out with their buddies. Like, you know, it's like a play date for them. But there's, so this video shows about 12 dogs just sitting really calmly and Thea said that whenever she puts the podcast on, all the dogs just lay down. We are dog whisperers and you love to see it.

You love to see that. You know what, if there was one criticism of this whole scenario? Oh, what? Not a lot of laughs coming from the dogs. No. To be fair, Tony was telling a story. Um, that's incredibly rude. It is.

But to be fair, you were mid-story and the dogs were not laughing. They weren't howling. Which is strange. Tony weren't howling. Which is strange because Tony looks like a bitch. Is that what you were going to say? I hate it here! No, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say Tony often gets the dogs

gets the boys howling. Stop. I thought that was a really cute story. It was. You know what? No, no. Sorry, Thea took her time to send us that video. Is Thea Melbourne based?

Yes, she is. Because I'm looking for a place to take BJ. Okay, well, you're not going there. Well, you know what he's going to hate? BJ's going to be like. Oh, that's my dad. How embarrassing. I try to get out of the house to get away from that fuckwit who thinks he's funny and I rock up here and he's fucking playing.

Yeah. Very embarrassing. But, well, I thought I loved to see it. You know what, Thea, thank you so much for sending that through. I really appreciate it, even if my friend Ryan doesn't. No, I do. I just have a lot of questions, that's all. All right, Tony's really pissed off here, everyone.

Fuck, don't do that. Don't do that. Tomorrow on the show, our Halloween special. And for the first time ever, the full episode will be on YouTube. So you can watch a full, a lot of people ask for a full version. It's a bit of a test run. A test drive, see if people like it. See if we can afford Franco, because I'm guessing it takes a lot longer.

Yeah, Franco, a fucking bit of cash. He's making more out of this podcast than anyone else. Yeah. Hey, thanks for listening and we'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. Sorry that not everyone thinks I'm funny. Tell it to the dogs, man.

They won't like it. Hi, BJ. It's Dad here. Don't ever do that again. I say that every day. My dog's name's BJ. Yeah, I know. I feel like this is ending on an awkward note.

Leave me alone. Oh. Leave me. Don't. We still have to record the Halloween episode. Halloween. Halloween. Love you.

I'm so sorry. Are we in a fight? Stop talking. Are we in a fight? Stop talking. Are we in a fight? The episode's finished. But are we in a fight? I want people to know that we've resolved our tensions. Have we not resolved them?

Do you want me to come over there and resolve something? Yeah, all right. We're all good, everyone. Don't worry. Oh, my God. Is that it? Bye. Love you.

Bye. See you for Halloween. Stop talking. Let me have a zoom finish. See ya. Bye. Bye.