Toni and Ryan - MasturBatemen's Bay

Episode Date: April 27, 2025

WE'RE BAAAACCCKKKKKK!!!!!! WE MISSED YOU!!!! Love you!!! Toni xoxox Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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We'll discuss this in four minutes. Breakfast, though. Brandon and breakfast. Like as in- Breakfast burritos from fucking Guzmani Gomez. Huge day for us. I'm going to come on Brandon's face. At the thought of a GYG fucking Guzzi. Well, fuck me sideways.

I can, I was just saying, Brandon I was gonna come on your face because we're talking about ordering a breakfast burrito. Yeah, it's a huge day, Brandon. Hope you don't mind. You're doing okay. Yeah. Oh, Brandon will you approach that episode?

Absolutely. Doesn't get any better than that. It does not. Hey, it's Brandon from Michigan and I approve this podcast. We are back and Tony will perform the welcome back anthem. WELCOME Welcome back WELCOME Welcome back WELCOME We're back for top 2025. We. I was going to say 2023 would have really helped you. I know.

I know. It would have really helped you. What also would have helped me with that song is if I was good at spelling. Yeah, I don't know if I spelled welcome right all four times, but that's OK. I, yeah, as soon as you started spelling stuff, I was trying to write it.

You're like, oh, hang on. Step my mother-in-law, second cousin to us removed. Yeah, no, classic. It was getting hectic. But we're back. We are back. You look beautiful. We are back from a earned break.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. It was really lovely. How was your trip? I had such a wonderful time. Still no campfires in the camp area, just to let you guys know. Tried every night and they said, still no. But it's the effort that counts.

Yeah, I went out there with my sticks every day and they said, ma'am, you must stop. And then I started rubbing my legs together really fast like this and they didn't like that either. Well. All the grandads are out, all the gray nomads, they went, you've gotta stop doing that. You really can't write down.

Yeah, they said, you need a sports bra doll and they, yeah, got pretty crazy. Yeah, I've fucked heaps of old dudes today we're doing tarpas in the news and I'm surprised that I haven't read about Tony Lodge in the Bateman's Bay Times for a rampage shaking my legs together rubbing my legs together young hot bitch rubs legs and gets railed by multiple old grey nomads. Morb on page three.

Yeah, the obituaries are much thicker this week. What did you call me? How dare you? They all die. So they did it. They did it. They went out doing what they love and what they love is Tony Lodge. And you've always said that.

Yeah, so you might have missed that on the Batemans Bay newspaper. Yeah, Batemans Bay today. But we've asked people- And they changed it while I was there to Master Batemans Bay. Batemans, who did you lay? Tony. Master Batemans Bay. Did you get that? Yeah, I liked it.

Okay. So a lot of tarpers have been in the news and we said, hey, let us know, like Tony, if you've just been turning local towns upside down. Now, Morgan Lee Douglas. Fucks sake, sometimes the rest of us. My family was on a current affair because we did something that other families don't do. Would you like to guess? I know.

Uh, Charles, any guess? I know. Charles, any guesses? I mean, how can you follow that? I'll give you a clue, Tony's not close. Oh. Is it like a neighborhood debate? Like over the fence? That's a great guess. No, all families do that.

But a current affair. But you said that not other families do. Oh, but like that's their headline. All families do that, you know? Yeah, but maybe, you know, they're doing something that caused the debate. So if the, just when you hear current affair, what do you think? I was thinking more of the thing that not other families do, which was just like, I don't know, hang out together.

Get along. Have a nice time. Have a mother that's alive. Yeah, same. What about like, so when I think current affair, I think like chasing the tradie down the road Have a nice time. Have a mother that's alive. Yeah, that kind of stuff. It was really thrown in. Yeah, same. What about like, so when I think current affair, I think like chasing the tradie down the street. Yeah.

Or did you know that all of those gas bottles were invalid and the man goes, fuck off, fuck off. You know, that kind of energy. You've been tiling people's bathrooms with secondhand tiles that you found on the street. How do you feel about that? How would you feel if that was your family? You know, that kind of energy? Morgan says we were a family of four. Where? So two, well, this is like when she was younger. No, everyone's still alive. So there's two parents, two kids. They lived in a four-bedroom house,

two bathroom, but it had Secondhand tiles! Secondhand tiles in the bathroom when they paid for new ones New tiles! They're from- That, God forbid, honestly, that's disgusting But the tradies using them from the other job, the other jobs said they're not good enough And he goes, I'll resell them to the new one That's actually fucked. Not on my watch. I'm gonna call what's the woman's name Tracy Grimshaw.

On a current affair to blow it wide open. Tara Brown who did the interview with fucking who's that kook? Oh um Apple Cider Vinegar. Yeah. Bell Gibson. Not to be confused with Mel Gibson, the actor. Though there was some acting involved. And there was some not sane people involved. Yeah. Because I mean, who would you rather spend a day with, Bell Gibson or Mel Gibson? Put the phone down. Oh no, that was Russell Crowe. That was Russell Crowe. That's through the phone.

What did Mel Gibson do? He's like- He's super racist, Dan. Yeah, a lot of fucked up stuff. That's awful. Yeah, oh God. Was it the voicemails? Screaming abuse? Yeah, it was actually quite dark, probably shouldn't joke about it.

Really awful. Anyway, so Morgan Lee Douglas's family was on a car-in-affair because even though they were a family of four in a four bedroom house, they had 12 televisions in the house. Oh! And the car-in-affair's like, wow, here in the house. Oh! And the current affairs like, wow, here's a story.

And they were watching a current affair on all of them. Yeah, no, they rocked. So a current affair rocks up and goes, oh, what should we do? And today, tonight's on. Yeah. The rival. Monica Cost. It's on the TV.

Toon al-Tiri, because Monica Cost was on holidays. OK, some very specific Perth references there. Very specific. Good though. Good though. Okay, I'm going to teach you something. So, today- Is Tonight Tonight not national?

So, Today Tonight, first of all, it got canned 10 years ago. Is it not on anymore? No, but second of all, and this is going to do Tony's head in, there was a national edition and a separate Perth edition. So all this, so it was national, except for the one you're talking about, which only got played in Perth. So did Monica Coste did your guys's as soon as you take four steps east of Perth,

no one knows what you're talking about. So Monica Coste didn't do yours. And when Monica Coste was on holidays, you didn't get Tina Altieri. No because she did the- that was the Perth edition. Ours didn't go on holidays. Yeah. Who did you have? We had Naomi Robson. Oh nice. And I think Matt White for a while. What? Yeah. A man in a woman's role, could be. Yeah. Breaking down barriers. You don't see that these days. You don't, you really don't. Male anchor, is what they call that.

Yeah. So they had 12 TVs on, less than eight had Monica Cox. Sorry, I forgot about the fucking TVs, yeah. So they did an experiment, could my family survive for a week without the TVs? So the reporter comes in and un-flugs all 12 TVs and takes them away.

And it was back in the day when TVs were big. They were hard to carry. And they probably would have hired some removeless for like, you know, comedic effect. Yeah. And so Morgan goes, well, this will be a piece of piss. I'll just play PlayStation all week. Well, isn't the TV... So then on day one, they're like, we've taken the TV and she goes, fuck.

And she goes, the week just sucked. And we just sat around not watching TV and dad always used to watch the football on TV. So we actually went to the game. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. But she said it was raining. It sucked. Toppers in the news.

So Tina Algeri wasn't there. No. Let's do one more. Got a quick one. Kelly Cronin. My friend and I won the sausage competition at the local Oktoberfest. I've won that at the Bateman's Bay. And we've actually got a picture of Sally Cronin and her mate.

There she is. Oh, wow. Kelly Cronin and Caitlin Rizzo of DanaPoint celebrate their win in the sausage toss. The DanaPoint Times. I don't think that's a major news distributor. I won't hear a bad word about the Dana Point Times. Well, so check out the other girl on the right, isn't she? Having a good time.

They're both having a great time. I mean, they've just won the sausage fest. On the right, Heather Smith of San Clement has her hands full of beers at Dana Point's Oktoberfest at the Sea Terrace Park. They've all just witnessed a sausage fest. You would be happy. Would you like another one? Sure. Tapa Drew. Hi Drew. When I was in grade five, pogs were a really big deal at our school. Our pogs. Our school set up a lunchtime pog room which was huge news in our tiny town.

Yeah. So the local newspapers like, well, obviously we got to run a story about the pog room. Yes. Huge, huge. We had that at our school. I mean, the news didn't cover it, so I don't know if I'm allowed to tell it to you.

But we had that at our school for Beyblades. And everybody brought in like their mum's wok and stuff from home so that you could Beyblade arena This is before the days of Beyblade arenas being like a real thing. You could buy. Yeah all the internet. Yeah The newspaper reporter rocks up to cover the big story and to get a photo kind of goes on Does anyone have any cool tricks or anything they could do for a photo? Yeah. And that's where Tapa Drew goes, I got something. I got a pog treat.

Check your phone. I mean, it is sick. Um, I do. The headline is just pogs pogs. They haven't really put a lot into that. But then the subheading, the newest kid craze is mind-poggling. To be fair, what they lack in a creative headline they make up for with the shadows behind the headline. Yeah, yeah, the drop shadow is really good.

Hey, good for them. And then he grew up to be a tarpa. Amazing. Hey, it's Brandon from Michigan and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Majuri and Majuri has the nicest fine jewelry. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day and you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos. So there's really something for everyone.

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I meant the prettiest little girl ever. I obviously meant my phone. And my coworker, Tony Lodge. Because filled with the prettiest little girl in the I obviously meant my phone. And my coworker, Tony Lodge. Cause filled with the prettiest little girl in the world, my little Frenchy Pippa. I thought you meant you. I actually thought you meant you. All my selfies.

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Nothing. Apart from my ability to take pictures of Pippa and Mabel together. You just use the free Aura app, connect to wifi and boom, photos from your last holiday, your dog, Mabel, all the things we're talking about, can all live in the one frame. Now Aura's got a great deal for tarpas. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $45 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's Use promo code Tony and Ryan, T-O-N-I-A-N-D-R-Y-A-N, terms and conditions apply. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Fucking good on you guys. Thank you very much for hanging around. Shell Bell, love you Shell.

Um, Ali G, Chelsea. Um, yeah, I don't know if it's that Ali G. Uh, Vic T, good on you Vic. Uh, Michael Smythe, not Smith. It's not Smith. It's not Smith. Sydney Prindle might be related to Mr. Pringle. Oh, Sydney Sweeney.

At the tire place. If Sydney Sweeney and Mr. Pringle at the tire place had a kid. Yeah. They'd have one big pad tie. That's for sure. Um, and Cheyenne Day. And Cheyenne Night. That was a joke.

Thank you, Cheyenne. Cheyenne Night. I don't know if they're a tougher. Now we're back. We're back from a break. Uh, Tony's railed half of Bateman's Bay. Yeah. Only the over 75s though.

How old's your fiance? Did you make an exception? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Well, because remember I said to you, can you fuck at camping? I don't know if that was going to work out or not. We'll get to that later in the week. I'd like to hear an update.

Not on a play by play for you. I'm not going to tell you if I fucked up part of the play this way. Well, I already have, but like. Having spent time in a campsite. Yeah. Your thoughts on the rule. Oh, I see. You know what I mean?

Yes, yes, yes. Having experience. That's what I was down with like. So while Tony's been railing the elderly in Batemans Bay, I've been slaving away over a hot kitchen here at Tarp Tower. I love you. Yeah. What do you mean?

You baked something in the air fryer, Charles's air fryer. As we were preparing for our grand return. Yeah. I was in the office and as I, well Tony, you know it because I've told you 15 times. I do know, I got a text about it over the break. I cleaned the kitchen here at Tarp Tower. Thank you everyone for your enthusiastic round of applause.

And the reason it feels like a somewhat condescending clap is because I've already made everyone clap 10 or 15 times and they are fucking done. Again, while everyone was on annual leave, their government allowed time off. Yep. Yep. I said everyone back to the office, you've got someone to clap.

Yeah, there's something happening here. But honestly, what did you say when you saw the kitchen? Wow. No. What did you say? I said, good job. It actually looks really good. Yeah. Lily, do you just remember what you said or your first reaction? Because she was one of the first to see it and it's beauty. I was like, wow, who cleaned the kitchen? Thank you, Lily. But do you remember Charles's? That's what, yeah, so... Charles, could you say what you said?

No, oh, no. Charles walks in and goes, Oh, who cleaned the kitchen? And Lily goes, Oh, Ryan did it. And Charles goes, What Ryan, like, hired a cleaner was his first reaction

and then Lily went, no and he goes, oh oh did Bridget come in fucking hell and it actually like that makes the sound make like Charles sounds bad but it's about you like you like I just need to be really clear that obviously wasn't Charles he was like well there must be a secret here how long have have you worked here, Charles? Um, four months, five months? Actually, no, I almost fired him this morning because he said, is it a prank to throw water on you? And I said, would it be a prank to fire you, you c***?

And then, yeah, we started to him out something else, but, you know, forward. Did you guys just like settle that or that had ended? No, it just kinda happened. We just talked about my dream about how it happened. Well, then Charles told me that he dreamt that he quit and moved to Brisbane. And Sophie said, I'd like to do that. So you said, can I come with you?

Tony high horse lodge over here. Yeah. I hope you guys all have a good time. I love Brizzy. Maybe I'll visit you guys when you're having fun. You can come up and clean our kitchen. So the reason that it was so momentous about the kitchen thing is that- If we're all being honest.

Is that, you know, it does get, sometimes there's some stuff in there. But this one, I think it got away from us. You know like when it gets too dirty, it's like too dirty to clean so you just leave it? I do know that you think that. No, but like it got away from us. It did. If everybody could raise their hands though, if they, before this obviously,

if they generally, when they put things in the sink, you probably just wash the rest of the stuff. Tony's hand is up, Charles' hand up, Sophie's hand's up, Lily's hand is up, okay. Yeah, so Ryan actually also texts me over the break. I don't know if you guys have heard this. He said, you know what's been so great having the kitchen so clean.

What if we started a roster so it looks like that all the time I did say I don't want to work in the kind of place that needs a roster but it does look great when someone cleans around you I had to go fuck another elderly man to just get over what he said. To calm down. Yeah, to calm down. You're like, hey Terrence, get over here. Terrence! I'll wash your dishes.

I don't mind. I'm so stressed, Lionel. Come on over. So yeah, what do you guys think about maybe a roster? Charles just texted the group chat a fucking desktop dishwasher. If that's USB, plug it in. The thing... Okay, no, I'm hearing what you're saying, but I've got something...

Well, it was originally going to be in our defense, but I feel like I'm suddenly the one being attacked, so I'll say in my defense. Okay. This is an issue. Now, we're a team. I'm suddenly the one being attacked. So I'll say in my defense. Okay. This is an issue. Now we're a team. I'm on team Ryan. This is. I'm on team clean kitchen. Well, that's not my team. I was trying to bring you that.

The issue is. I love that it was while everyone was on break, Ryan's like, well, no one else is gonna do it. You were basically backed into a corner. You also said, well, it got away from us. You were the only person here. When there was no one to lecture about pompous shit, I had to do something else.

Now, can I tell you, okay. Yep. First of all, in defense of us. Same team, same team. In defense of us, and this, you know who the villain is? It's not Tony. It's certainly not. It's not Lily, it's not Sophie, it's not Charlie, it's not me.

No. It's Kmart. It's the Anko brand. Because let me tell you how bold- Can I just say one thing? You've half got me here. So bring her home. It is the job of bowls to be able to stack within each other.

And what do our bowls not do? They don't stack between each other. So if you've got five bowls it's the height of the bowl times five where they should just... and so when they stack up in the sink they really stack up and then when you want it and then when you... You've lost me again. And then when you... but then when you want to wipe them and like stack them up to dry, they can't cause they don't fit in each other. So it just makes it more difficult to clean and dry. And the more difficult it is, the less you want to do it.

Fuck you, what is. Were you with me on the bowl stacking? Do you want me to bring the bowls down here? No, I've seen the bowls. I've seen them dirty. Yeah. And I've seen the bowls. I've seen them dirty. Yeah, and I've seen them clean. We've both seen all sorts of bowls. We get it.

A diversity of cleanliness of bowls. Yeah, there is a spectrum and we've all seen it. Yep. I think you're right. And the kitchen area isn't huge. No. So I guess you're right that when there are many bowls, it's quite hard.

But if you like, and don't be at me with if you just cleaned a mess, you're going to be fine. Okay, so this is what I was about to say. And don't at me about that. Okay, okay. Cause when we- Cause if it was just one bowl,

do you know what I mean? Yeah, but like say if we hypothetically ordered from Miss Chusen, that was four or five bowls, cause there's four or five of us. No, so true. And then we wanted to clean them up and then they weren't stuck in each other because they're from Manko and it's their fault not mine. Yeah.

So if you did them really quickly though with the little spongy brush that I got, which I think is awesome by the way, I love that thing. If you do, Lily just put a new head on it the other day, probably made your cleaning so much easier. It did, thank you Lily. If you just quickly give it a j'ai joué, or fill it with water. Hot.

While like the stuff is fresh in there. Hot and soapy, we talked about that before the break. We did. New thing. To me. Ha! Then, you know, you just did a quick stack. The other also thing that I read about

just over the break, which is crazy, is that tea towels. So if you didn't want to stack them all up on the sink, like you could dry them as you go if you want to. Have you noticed we're down about three or four tea towels? Has anyone noticed that? Did you think to buy some more? No, I took our ones home to wash. Did you? I actually did, that's why they're not here. Yeah, okay. I'm glad someone noticed.

Isn't your washing machine broken? Yeah, so like when the washing machine's back online, so will the tea towels, probably four days later, cause it is stacking up at home. Yeah, yeah. It is stacking up at home. Yeah. And it turns out trades were not that fast.

One more thing to add. Do you know what I mean though? Turns out trades were not that fast. One more thing to add. Do you know what I mean though? Like you could, you could dry those as you go, which would then fix the real estate issue. I'm on team Ryan. Okay. So the morning that I decided to do the dishes, I've actually got a confession. Okay.

These are top confessions, but on a Monday. Yeah. I came to work. Yep. Ready to do some work. Tapping away some emails. Sit down at my desk and remember that my laptop is on the kitchen bench at home.

And Bridget calls me and goes- This is not the first time that this has happened. No. Yeah. Bridget calls me and goes, you're working? I go, yeah. And she goes, your laptop's here. And I went, yeah. I was tapping away at it last night, left on the bench and then just drove to work this morning. Yep. And she goes, oh, should I come and drop it off? And I was like, that was very nice of her. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, cool. I'm going to take me out with a daycare soon. So I'll drop it off there And I was like, that was very nice for her. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, cool. I'm going to take me with a daycare soon. So I'll drop it off there.

And then I got to pick something up and I'll come and drop it at your place. What are you going to do for an hour without your computer? Yep. Guess what? So you went in the massage chair for a whole hour. I was right.

Richard was here. She was here, but I just had nothing else to do. So I thought I'd may as well just fucking keep myself busy and wash the dishes. Yeah. I mean, hey, that's better than just not doing it though. Isn't it? The massage chair was here and available. Yeah.

I mean, what did the dishes take you five minutes? It took the hour. I was, I was finished. I was finishing up as Bridge pulled in after dropping my daycare and go to the post office. What took you an hour? The kitchen got away from us It was pretty bad it was pretty bad and you know It's been a method to my madness and you know getting it done right making sure nice and drying time. The stacking is tricky Thank you, Sophie Woods. I will pay that. Did you have, did you wait for one to dry and then do the next one?

Why is everyone laughing? It's very funny. That's a very legitimate question. Very funny. What took you an hour mate? Cleaning the kitchen from the people I work with. No. There's no way. And I also just want to be honest. I actually want to cover it because the rest of us all clean as we go. So I put water and stuff. An hour seems too long, but in your defense Ryan, thank you. Notice that you fully cleaned like the actual tray that everything sits on as well. That's going to take a few minutes.

Did you put everything on that tray and then realize, Oh, the tray is dirty. So then you had to re-clean everything and the tray. I cleaned the tray first cause the tray was dirty. I'm like, there was no point putting clean stuff on a dirty tray. And then by the time I cleaned everything, the tray was like a bit sloppy again. So I re-cleaned it. And then I cleaned the bench and then I was like oh these tea towels are a bit wet because I've been doing so much drying that I might as well take them home and imagine that I'll wash them at some stage and we're still that's where

we're at yeah that's where we're at that's fine yep is there any further questions or actually no did you I can't take it on order of tea towels I think we've got a lot of tea towels. The tea towels are me doing dishes ratio is off. Why are they so? There's one tea towel. Hey, I got to love to see it here. And it's me. I love to see me cleaning the kitchen and just being, you know, the MVP of the family this week. Yeah. Um, let me text this to the g- I've gone to text it to everyone and Charles has put the desktop dishwasher in the group chat so.

Um, I don't know, have you seen this photo, Tony? I reckon it's one of the craziest photos I've ever seen in my life. Yes, I've seen this, yes. Now it's been in the Facebook group for a while. Did you see my comment? I've left a really good comment. My comment was just, what in the top gun? That is good.

Thanks. So Grace Harley has said, my husband told me he was listening to the podcast at work today and he happens to be, what would you call it? A top gun fighter pilot? He's a maverick. He is maverick. But he's in a jet. Like a fighter jet. And he's in the sky and he's holding his phone up. No hands on the wheel might I ask

Yeah, and he's listening to I would have thought if you're in a fighter jet You're not listening to a podcast that you're like listening to like I don't know mission control or Houston or whatever the fucking yeah You know so grace has come and said he's an not the actual pilot, which makes it way less cool, but safer that his hands are on the wheel. So, he sits in the back seat and just goes, yep, all good. Did he just have a fun time? Because in Top Gun, there's two guys in the plane.

Yeah, and they're both flying. But how can they both be flying? Like, what if you turn left and I turn right and the plane just like makes an editorial on that? Let's get a tandem bike. Yeah. We're getting a tandem bike. Do you think we could get a tandem e-bike? Is that a thing? I thought we would keep using the camping equipment before we bought something else. Oh sorry, sorry I'm just trying to support you. How much is a tandem bike? Go clean the

kitchen mate. I will. See you in three hours. Oh, like a thousand bucks? Oh, the one I just found is 14,995. That's a fighter jet, Charles. I like trick. Side by side, hang on a second. No, look at that. Charles has found a side by side dance.

Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Let's get that. We could hold hands while we do it. Show me the one you got. This is the one that I got like a classic tandem bike.

Now would you want... I'm on the back. That way you won't not have a break. Does the person on the back do the steering and is that problematic? Well they both have handlebars. Yeah, but only one of them is attached to the front wheel. Oh, so no, I can't steer. I guess they're just for stability.

Yeah, and then you're- Let's get a tandem bike. And we could put the QR code for the podcast on our helmets. Then when people see us riding around, they'll be like, who's that? And they'll know. I went too fast. I've got something too fast. Oh. Oh.

I've got something to say. Yeah. I've forgiven all kitchen issues if we get this tandem bike. If we get this tandem bike, you never have to wash a dish again. First, I've got two things to say. First of all, order it.

I've got two things to say. First of all, order it. I have never wanted anything more in my life than wanting that tandem bike right now. Oh, so I didn't even have to do the offer. You wanted it anyway. Thanks for the offer. Okay, so I've rescinded the offer. No, no, no, no, no. We'll just get the tandem bike. Should we get this tandem bike?

Yeah, fucking oath we should. Isn't that so fucking fun? Are you allowed to ride them on the freeway? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a speed limit for the top, not the bottom. What's that got to do with anything? No, like I'm saying like...

Because we're gonna be fucking flying! You can't go too slow on the freeway. I reckon we could get it to 50kms. I reckon we could go 100kms. If we wanted. What's that as fast as I can swim? Like, I reckon we could go 100 Ks. If we wanted. What's that? As fast as I can swim? Like I reckon we could do that on the bike. Um, okay. We could first try out so for $58. No, hire it for two hours. No, no, Charles. We buy stuff here. You don't know how Tony operates. We're in the buyer and not the hire. So when you give the bike back, then you're down money and you got nothing.

At least at the end of the day, you've still got the bike. And we go, great, how good was that? I am so excited about this tandem bike. Do you need matching helmets? Yes, with the QR codes, Charles can do that. Okay. I think you on the back, if we get you a sandwich board with the QR codes. Oh, I thought you were just going to say sandwich.

We can stop for sandwiches. And I'll just hang out. Where's the best sandwiches in town these days? Oh, that's a great question. You know Falco where we got the hot cross buns from before Easter? Let's ride to Falco. Ride to Collingwood, easy. Oh, and wouldn't we fit in on a tandem bike

going down Smith Street? Actually though, people would be like, yo, where'd you get that tandem bike, homie? They would be pumped for us. That we could wear Patagonia clothes. That's your new thing. Well, I went to Smith Street once and now I'm a Patagonia guy.

Yeah, so you'll fit in, they'll be like, he lives here. We could ride down Johnson Street from there and go past the night cat. And so all the cool night cats would be like, have a sit-gone. Who are those cool cats? Yeah. They belong in here.

I love that so much. Should we go to the Coburg Valodrome? Yes. There is a bike track near the reservoir pool as well, the leisure center. So what we could do is we could whip around that and then go have a dip, a tandem dip. So I've just found a tandem bike with a 10 speed motor,

like a bike in it. What's our budget do we reckon? 10 speed? What are the other nine? I just want fast. Fast, yeah. What speed do you have? This one does that. This one says fast, yep.

Oh, the motor provides assistance up to 25 Ks an hour. This one does that. This one says fast. Yep. Oh, the motor provides assistance up to 25 Ks an hour. Fuck yeah. God. We might have to get you some leathers. We might even not be able to go through a school zone. This 10 speed bike, Ryan, I'm not even joking, for the small price of 15,499. I could buy my car for that.

15,499. No, you can't, not the gym. Not the gym near the, when I'm driving Bridget's golf, that would be less than that. 15 grand for unlimited fun. By the way, I've still got the gym for those playing. Does the bike fit in the back of the gym?

It would. Or should I get the Jimny bike racks? So the thing about bike racks. The fact that you have previously Googled this and have knowledge about it shocks no one. So, cause I was thinking I would have liked to take my bike to Masturbateman's Bay. Yeah.

But you actually, you have to buy really expensive bike racks for an e-bike because they're so heavy. Right. So I was like, I'd love to take them. And then we were like, oh, it's really fucking costly to get your bike up there on a like proper e-bike carrier. So instead of riding your bike, you rode Terrence. I rode all the old men.

Yeah. I didn't have anything else to do. I finished the blanket I'm knitting. I haven't finished that by the way. That was a lie. It's just comedy. But yeah, so I don't know how much it would cost to like get a bike rack for this, but it looks quite cool.

And you know, we could get that wrapped in top yellow. So it's basically a billboard where full-time marketing it's free, it pays for itself. My one's a bit cheap. My side-by-s sides. It's grand cheap. I don't know about the side by side. I think you need the classic bicycle built for two. Side by side feels more like a golf cart.

Feels like a- And I'm pro golf cart and I always have been, but I feel like this needs to be front to back. Or like a tuk tuk, like when you're in Thailand and you're in the back and someone's in the front. But I Or like a tuk tuk like when you're in Thailand Thailand and you're in the back and someone's in the front but I feel like we need... Let's get a tuk tuk and Charleston be on the front and he does the pedaling and we you and I sit in the back. Oh hang on no a tuk tuk isn't what I'm is it a rickshaw where there's someone on the bike on the front and then we're in the love seat at

the back? I thought a rickshaw was on the water. No that's a g gondola. Oh. You can get a tuk tuk by. Can you? Yeah. Are they on bikes? Yeah, man, they work hard. I remember when we were in London. I remember when we were in Indonesia and you fell out of a tuk tuk and broke your ankle.

I'm fucking tuk tuk a fall, that's for sure. Yeah. And it took ages for that to fucking heal up as well. I was in a lot of pain. And it took a while for us to hear the fucking end of it. Took a while for me to get off the ground cause all the men stepped back. A white woman has gone down.

Cause they were like, we're not touching you. And Ryan was like, can someone help me? They're like, no. No, for insurance purposes, we don't touch the tourists. We actually can't touch anyone. I think we should get this bike. So done. I love this idea so much. Same and I love the idea that

if we get it I don't have to do dishes. Which is a wild thing for you to offer and I appreciate it. I can't believe you were already in and I was like I need to. Oh my god there's a button here that says add to cart and there's a button that says negotiate to buy. You're doing your negotiations masters at the moment. You could negotiate the price down with them. A subject to negotiate, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry for fucking gassing you up, mate, and knowing and believing in you at all times

and knowing you can do and achieve anything. Including the kitchen? Including the kitchen. You fucking smashed that out of the park, mate. You negotiated that kitchen to cleanliness. And I believe you can negotiate this Tandem e-bike from $15,000 to $3,000 is the budget. I've already negotiated myself out of doing dishes today, so I've done a pretty good job. Yeah.

You could do this also. That was just a warm-up. Okay. What are they asking? It is... You're gonna lowball them. 15 and a half. Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout. We won't need that. We'll just ride it out of the store. Where are they shipping it from though? It says, pick up available Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Canberra, Adelaide, Perth, Darwin and Hobart.

No. Let's get it in Hobart and we'll ride it across the spirit of Tasmania. No, because yeah, as soon as you said Hobart, I was like, no, the ocean part. The boat. The gondola. The tuk tuk. Put the tuk tuk on the rickshaw on the spirit of Tasmania. Do you imagine getting a gondola across the Bass Strait?

No. Fuck. That would be a good time. Icebergs. That's our next tarpathon. Cheat. 51 hours from the gondola over the Bass Strait. And we don't even have to paddle.

We'll let the Arctic tide take us there. That is so beautiful. Charles, how would the internet go over the Bass Strait? Do you reckon? Starlink. Yeah, okay. Huge. Well, thanks for listening.

Have you got your love to see it or is this your love to say it? Oh, I do actually. Or is the bike that you love to see it? The bike is definitely that you love to see it. My love to see it is that Ryan is buying me a Tendermee bike. From our joint account, yes. Alright, watch this space.

Should have signed a prenup. Love you. Bye. We should go on holiday more often. Gone. I got a kitchen to clean. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Aura Frames. And Ryan, do you happen to know maybe someone, not adding anybody, but that maybe takes a million photos of maybe, you know, the cutest little girl in the world.

And their camera roll is just overflowing with pictures you don't know what to do with. There is smoke coming out of my phone because of their 10 million photos I have of Mabel struggling to fit in my phone. I meant the prettiest little girl ever. I obviously meant my phone. And my co-worker Tony Lodge. Because filled with the prettiest little girl in the world, my little Frenchie Pippa. I thought you meant you. Always selfies. Look if you're someone that takes lots of photos and they're just sitting in your phone doing nothing, this is for you. Yes,

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