Toni and Ryan - Men's Razors vs Women's Razors

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

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Using men's razors instead of women's. I call it feminism with smooth legs. What do you normally do with your puss or you just leave it? Are you, you shton cheating me? Hi, I'm Alicia Oaks and I'm from Sudbury, Ontario. Hi, I'm Josh from Broderby, British Columbia and Canada. Hi, I'm Zoe from Perth, West of Australia.

And I approve this podcast. Welcome to Thursday Slots. Welcome. I love it. I'm here. I'm happy. and I'm healing. Healing.

Heel and toe, bitch. Speaking of Tony dancing, next week, tickets on sale for Tony's hands party in London. Of course, you can jump on the way. I've got astray, sorry, hang on. Oh, no, you go. Ah, to stray. Oh, no, that's fuck now.

Hang on. Don't tell people about the tickets yet. They won't want to come because I don't look pretty. Okay. How are you going? Good. Resume. You may begin again.

again whenever you're ready. Tickets on sale. Yeah, whenever you're ready. Ticket away. On the hen. Tickets on sale next week. And of course you can go to the website, which is Charles, tony's hensparty.com.uk.

We had to fly to the UK to get that website. Yeah. So it's been a big one. Yeah. So go and register there right now. Jump on the waiting list because they're going to be a hot ticket next week. And so the best way, have the best chance possible is to go and register there.

All the details will get sent to you immediately. Yeah, some more ticket info after normal now. Let's just say we're going to get you prepared. This is normal owner. Yeah, it is. You look good today. I like that little shacket. Thank you.

I haven't shacked because I don't really shack it in the summer. It's been fucking hot. Yeah. And then I also. And it's hot in the office in the top tower. Yeah. So, and then it feels,

I feel like I'm back in my natural shack attack. It's good. I tried to combine habitat with shack it. And then it sounded like old Shaquille O'Neill. Because I said shack attack. Yeah. I liked it. though.

Tapa Ashmay. Hi Ashmay. Eating leftover chip crumbs with a spoon. When I hit the bottom of a chip bag, all right. So imagine you're at the bottom of like a bag of Doritos. Anyhow it gets really like in the bottom there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll pour all of those crumbs into the salsa and then get a spoon and scoop up and get a

mouthful of salsa and all the crunchy bits of the bottom of the chip. Hips. Normal or nara ass, I was, I was a full gnar before I realized there was salsering bolt. Before I realized how fucking awesome that would be. Because that sounds yum,

but I thought it was at first, my, let me tell you what I pictured. When you get to the bottom, say of a salt and vinegar and there's little bits at the bottom. Like, I thought you meant that she was scooping into that.

And I was like, well, no, you've got to do one of these. Yeah. You lick your finger and then press it into the little quamis and then you eat the little Kwame dust.

Isn't there something though about doing that that as someone who does it it's sort of like is this how desperate I am for salt and vinegar? You wouldn't do it with company? Yeah, like that's like

a room service kind of move. Yeah. You're doing that in a hotel. Doors closed. I'd probably close the curtain. Oh yeah. Before I did that. Obviously I would do that anyway.

Do not disturb. Yeah. Don't disturb. I'm fingering a sand boy. But I think with the introduction of the salsa and the Doritos, I'm actually, I think that's okay. Eating salsa by the spoon also, here I move. Don't let the existence of a chip determine whether you're done eating salsa.

Because the ratio's not always right, eh? No. Yeah. Especially if you're doing it in a group and everyone's salsa's to different levels. You know who can fucking get it together? Who? People that provide wedges and hot chips in pubs. You can never give me too much sauce, but you'll regularly not give me enough.

Not enough. Yeah. Fucking lift. You know, because we are currently in our wedge window for anyone that doesn't know, that is the six months where you remember that wedges exist before. We should get them today because we haven't had them in a while? Yes. I agree.

I'm going to get some wedges after this. That actually sounds really good. I'm fucking starving. Can we go get a wedges and a palmer? Can we do our little meeting at the pub? Yes. Can we? Everyone's nodding.

And they're the bosses. All right. Yeah. So love it. Okay. Oh, I'm still going to do this. Okay. I'm like, well, let's go.

Let's go. Because we're in the wedge window. Yeah. So for anyone that doesn't know, then after the six months, you kind of forget about wedges for like two and a half years before you re-wedge. Yep. Currently, because we are in our wedge window,

you know what I saw someone post on our Facebook group the other day? What? I'm sorry, it's really sad. They got offered wedges. No sour cream. Just sweet chili. Isn't that the most disgusting that you've ever heard? They're...

Like, don't fucking bother. They're complimentary items as in they complement each other. Like, I don't want the sweet chili because it's sweet chili. I want the sweet chili because it goes with the sour cream. Give me neither and just shove it up my eyes. Us. So true. Do you know what I mean?

You know where that had never happened? Riga. They can't give away sour cream, you know? They've tried. They love it. Nah, because it's like, do you want some sweet and sour sauce and you go, yeah, and they go, which one? And you go, no. No.

No. No. They come, just like Tony and I, they come together. We come as one. Two bodies, one brain. One set of tits. Take that back. What?

Two great pairs of tits. Two great humans, four great cans. And you can take your cans to CDS Victoria if you want to make a bit of extra money. You'd be a millionaire. You love to say it. Type of Maddie has a normal or nah. Matty or Maddie?

Maddie M-A-D-Y. Oh, double-d-d-do! She gets it. Some great cans. Using men's razors instead of women's. Normal. Closer shave. cheaper price.

I call it feminism with smooth legs. It is. It's a microaggression of feminism, I think, because no pink tax. No pink tax. Yeah. How much cheaper are men's razors than girls raisers? Because you can buy a, like if you want to get a basic razor, like a basic razor, like a basic razor, you can get a 10 pack for three bucks. Yeah, but they cut your pussy up and not in a good way.

Yeah. So that's where are we? Yeah. I actually, I don't buy men's raise. very often I normally buy the women's ones. Right. Only because like they've normally got, they're pink.

And I love that. Before I go shopping and buy makeup. I love paying 15% more for my stuff after earning 15% less at my job. Yeah. So it costs me 30% more. Yeah. Do the men's razors have a little bit of soap on them? Probably not.

Because I find that kind of nice. Maybe that's what you're paying for. Maybe it's fine. but I do think a men's razor gets you a cleaner shave. Yep. Like a closer. Because they're normally like the Quotro, the Four Blade, women's razors often only have two.

Oh. You can get them, but God, getting up then. Well, maybe that's the, yeah. Interesting. What are you? Do you just have like an electric razor for your face or something? Well, I usually, whenever I get a haircut. Oh, the barber does it.

Yeah. And so I get a haircut. Oh, so you wouldn't buy razors at all? Oh, for your puss. What do you do for your puss? Well, depending on how many subscribers we have, I get my podcast, I used to wax it. Yeah, I'll wax it for you. But what do you normally do with your puss or you just leave it?

Just let it rain. Yeah, nice. I'll take that to the bar. What do you do, Charles? You're not going to answer me. No. Do you use a disposable or do you use an electric shaver for your face? I don't have an, I don't own an electric.

Also, you do a disposable? Yeah. Oh, I was about to say demountable. Like, you know how it's cool. And you do like shaving cream? Yeah. Interesting. What about your face?

No, I was asking about his face. Okay. Yeah, I'll put some shaving cream on that face before. What? No, it wasn't. Tarpa Jordan has normal now. Hi, Jordan. Oh, like Kendall and Jordan, our best friends from the happy wife, happy laugh at us.

No, we would never mention the middle of this podcast. That's not what we do because we've never heard of them. Yeah, who? Gendell and Corden. James Corden. Kendall Jenner and James Corden. Peeling baguettes and then giving them little soup baths. Peeling a baguette.

When I eat soup with a baguette, I peel the crusty outside off. So then I've just got like a big handful of soft inner baguette. No, bitch. that I can then dunk in the soup. No bitch. Then I dunk the crusts back in to the soup so that's like little soldier. No, no, no. That's worse than me eating an ice cream.

Which I won that poll, by the way. Which is insane. I would like an official apology from all of you for sending me up the fucking fuck and owls of Queensland for that. Hey, just because other people are also fuckheads, doesn't mean you're not a fucker. No, but we're the fuckered majority. Yeah, and that's fine. That's got to mean something.

Right. Yeah, but fuckheads nonetheless. Finally, Tapa Alissa has a normal or not. Assigning celebrity voices to pets. I don't know why, but my cat sounds like Meryl Streep. So whenever they're like... Miao Strait. But like, if you're saying, oh, the cat wants this,

they're like, oh, well, she wants, and then she would like say it in the accent. My dog has... Sorry, does Merrill Street have a distinct enough voice for that? I actually can't give you a Merrill Street accent because when I do Merrill Street and when I do Mrs. Doubtfire, they're the same person? Because you go, hello, hello!

Yeah. Yeah. But does Merrill Streep have that distinct enough of a voice? I'm a cat! She's not even English. She's American. I'm a cat. We have cats.

Isn't she in, um, What? Where's she from in Julia and Julia and Julia? Oh, she's English in that. Oh, well, sorry. Well, Julia Child is English, but is she? She's acting. You're fucking me. Are you saying that she puts on a different accent for roles that she has?

Yeah. And Meryl Strait. Do you want me to hold the horse photo when I tell you this? Not a chef. Acting. Fuck off. She didn't cook any of that butter. Do you know she's not Anna Winter?

What? I don't think that Merrill Street has a super iconic voice. My dog has Jean from Bob's Burger's energy. That's funny. Yeah. My co-worker thinks I'm crazy and I need help, but I think she's the weird one for just assuming they speak normally. Do we, is this like naming a car energy?

Do you think or is it a bit different? Well, you know how like you would be like, oh, maybe people want that and you to imagine like that's what she's thinking? So she thinks, but in the voices. Yeah. Yeah. And I understand the concept. I've never thought about what kind of voice people would have.

So tell Charles something that I've said. So I, and then Ryan said. And then Ryan said, cuts, I'm a cat. But like, how would you say it? Oh. And then I was like,

oh, I'm a cat. So how you do a voice of me, that's how it went she's describing something of her animals. I understand the concept. I don't think you get it. I don't think you're listening. I said I understand the concept.

Because Meryl Streep's not from the UK. What? So she's not coming to my hands party. She can fly. Did you reckon that she's got a PJ? Do you reckon she's got a private jet? No. I reckon she flies economy.

I think she's a woman of the fucking people. I reckon Meryl Street. You'd meet her at Coles. She's at the deli. Try on the sun-dry tomato with your dad. Did you see the... Yeah, that would hang out. Don't you reckon?

Rod loves Merrill Street I'd be surprised if my dad who knew who Merrill Street was I thought that as those words came out of my mouth Who do you reckon is the most famous person Your dad's heard of Scotty Cam

He's such a great answer Because I'd say My dad wouldn't know Who Merrill Street was He'd be like Well what season of the block Was she on? Yeah

Yeah oh is that Shane a Blaze Yeah And I go now you're thinking you were Shane a blaze And he goes Oh that's right That's right applies. She's not English. Do you know why that's like, and I know that that's a really good answer to your dad

the first time I ever met your dad and your step-mom. Jude's, she went hard on the blockchards. There's a lot of blockchats. Yeah, she just loved it. She's like, oh, did you see it last night? And I was like, oh, didn't, Jude's, didn't see that one? She goes, oh, they did this lovely tapestry. I actually can't hear this good book. They did this lovely tapestry and you won't believe it, Tom. in the bathroom.

You wouldn't think you'd do a tapestry in the bathroom. And she was just so blown away at the... She was just very impressed by it. She was so impressed by it. And she just loved it. Did you mention Meryl Streep? She loves Scotty Cam. They told me that they recently, you know,

bought the Monopoly to try and win the third block house. And, you know, I just am so you really deserve wedges and a palmer after we record this. We already said yes. But you've really, you've really earned your prize because... Oh, and I'll take you. Because...

And I'll have one with you on there. You saying that your dad's biggest celebrity would be Scotty Cam is just such a great answer. Not that he knows, like knows of. But just, yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Like, who's the most famous person you can think of? Yeah, probably Scotty Cam.

That's just such a great answer. Yeah. Or Jason Dunstall. Who's that? He's to play football for the horse. in the 80s. Chief. Amazing. Amazing answer. So is it that the cat sounds like Nerell Street? Well, where are we out? You know what? I actually don't even know, but it's a gnaw from me. Hi, I'm Alisha from Sudbury, Ontario. I'm Josh from British Columbia and Canada.

Hi, I'm Zoe from Perth, West and Australia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Welcome back. A massive break here. just kidding. Imagine we work on the news. A massive shout out to a few of our champion time is over our Patrick. Breaking news. Breaking news. Mel Streep, not a cat.

Breaking news. Merrill Streep is at the Greens Barrettles. One podcast I'm loving at the moment is Romesh. What's that? Oh, yes. I keep seeing his videos. Yeah. And so Tim Minchin's on there the other day.

Oh, yeah. And he goes, oh, you know, what are you got coming up? What are you working on? And I don't know if Tim Minchin's doing a bit because A, it's really funny, but then B, I'm like, he might actually do that and maybe he's not taking the piss. Yeah. But he said his next work of art will be a stage show musical. And it'll be about the people who decided to make a musical movie of cats based on Cats the Musical. Oh, yep.

That meta. Merrill Street could voice the cats. Or that Judith, Judy Dench, who was she? Taylor Swift's in it. I've never seen it. James Corden also. A lot of celebs we've mentioned today. Are in that movie.

That's why I'm surprised if Merrill Street's not in that movie. I don't think she is. I think she might have turned that one down. Was Jason de Rullo in that and he's got like a massive cock? And that's like, editing that. I haven't seen that. I don't know. He's in a cat suit and they're like, dude.

Oh. Can you Google that for a second time? Just go, Jason Derulo, cats, cock. And put it on the screen. We might have to blur it. They had the CDI out his cock. Actually. Oh, yeah, that's the...

Oh. Sorry, the headline on that one. Jason DeRullo said his huge penis dot, dot, dot, dot. Wow. His huge penis had to be edited out of cats. Yeah, the movie cats. A massive shout out to a few of our chances. Indian taras over.

Do you want to take a sip of that cold water sway, huh? I'm all good. I'm all good. Do you want any to top you up?

Would you like some warm water in a mug? Those cups are really nice to drink out of. I really like them. You get a really satisfying sip.

You get a slip and it's a nice one. Yeah. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Thank you for being part of it.

We can't make the show without you. Carmel, thank you very much, Carmel. Do you know what, fucks caramel popcorn I'm torn about flavored popcorn

because sometimes it gets sticky and weird and sugary and sometimes you're going to stick to the basics. Is that going to get sticky? It is sticky, yeah. And it gets in your teeth but in quite a good way. Like it's high admin, but I think it's worth it. I think my mom has lost a tooth to caramel

popcorn. She would too. She's a woman who's lived a lot of lives. It's not on her. It's on the popcorn to not stick to your tooth. So when you pull a popcorn out, it rips your food. fucking tooth out of your skull.

She had to go to a dental hospital and have a false put back in and they say it didn't fall out and she goes, no, I was eating caramel popcorn. And they said, I heard on a podcast that that fucks. I'm actually a fan of that.

Why was I talking to my mom about this the other day? I don't know. I'm glad she did. Otherwise, what would we be talking about otherwise? It's sort of like a toffee, right? And it's like code. Like the caramel popcorn,

it's that the kernels are popped. And then it kind of coats it. It's like a shell of caramel. Maybe she had a fantail. Oh, they're deadly. She literally went to a dental hospital. You've got to put them in your bra for a bit before you have it. Just to let them warm it up to the body.

Get a body temperature. I won't eat a fantail unless it's body temperature. You've got to eat it out of the bra. You can't take it out of the bag. And I've always said that. Do you want to live on the edge? No. No.

Let's eat a non-endant. bra-worned fan tail. Oh, you're joking. Outside in Riga. And it's going to be balmy spring weather, about six degrees it gets during the afternoon. Charles, can you just Google dental hospital Riga? We're going to need them on fucking speed dial if you're going to do something crazy like that. Oh my God.

There's one just nearest we're staying. There's one dupst us. There's one dental hospital there. People are going to know where we're staying. Is there a convenience store and do they sell fantails close by? Oh, Charles. Is there a public pool? five degrees max

nah but they'll be warming the thing I have some information um fantails were discontinued last year maybe it was my mum that sent them into administration fucking kidding me you can't buy a fantail now

where will I get my shit faxer on that is fucking PC gone mad that's crazy you've changed your tune you were anti-fanat no no no no no no no no don't get me mixed up sweetheart I don't Just think that they can't go from bag to mouth, they've got to go back brown mouth.

I can't believe you can't have a fan tell anymore? They're so nice. Can we find out why they'll discontinue to or I've given you too many tasks at once, Charles? Charles, you better move quick. It just says because sales were declining, so they just scrapped them. Oh, it's because people weren't buying them enough. Who makes them, Pascal? Allens.

Allens. Allens is good for it. Yeah. Allens is fucking good for it. that's a that's sad that's a bit of australiana gone what do they cancel next i can't believe that they don't make them anymore they're the ones i had shit trivia in them weren't they yeah the movie fucks oh sorry that's really taking the wind down the sales that's really sad i need to cheer myself up with a palmer and some wedges up to this all right samantha blanche good on you sammy

sammy b abby j abby joe uh sarah van winkle That name was so long I can't remember the first letter of it after you finished it Alex. Alex, Rachel Brooker Love you, Rach. Katie Nally. That's a cute name.

Taryn Dalton. Elaine Royas Castillo. Kathy Zep. Good on you, Kathy. Cherie Smith and Danielle Goff. Love to see it so much. Hopefully some of those people will be joining us at our Hens Party,

my Hens Party that we're throwing in London. Register at Tony's Hens Party. code. Okay. Also a little update. I can get you a bag of one kilo bag of fantails

for $110 on eBay. Is there a dark black market I think they're I can also get you some for $600 on eBay. Can you get me into the Riga dental hospital

for less than 600? Yeah. What's that total investment? eBay is saying five other people have viewed it in the last 24 hours if we did want to snatch a lot of big competition.

You know those like caramel covered in chocolate, like the Pascal ones in the golden purple wrapper. They're not as hard as a fan tale, which makes them probably more enjoyable. But there is an alternative. So I don't think that we should spend $600 on them. Okay. Good financial advice. Yeah. Good financial advice also is buying a ticket to the Hens party.

Yeah, it's good financial advice. But there's two people, wow, started with one person. Yeah. who spends a lot of time buying tickets online. And that person is Tony Lodge. I believe we've done live streams for when you wanted to get Blink 182 tickets. Blink 182 tickets, Taylor Swift tickets. Often we'll like shut.

There's like no meetings, no chat because at 10 a.m. Harry Stiles tickets are coming out. And we've all got to be on board. Lily Allen was a few weeks ago. And I got those. Got those. So I said Tony, I feel like you've been through the stress of trying to get tickets. We're one night only.

It's only in London for our hens party. They go on sale next Tuesday. Share the wisdom. What can you share with tarpers about getting a hot ticket? Yeah. Okay. So I've written down some of my best tips to get tickets when the pressure's on. Like because, like you said, one night only, I think these tickets are going to go quickly.

I hope they do. So just open up multiple tabs? Um, oh. That's the worst thing you can do. Tip number one. The worst thing you can do is discontinue fan tails. Yeah, actually, I might have a word with Alam's about that. I've got some tips here to get tickets.

And opening multiple tabs is the first tip to not get them. You're fucked if you do that. First one, stay hydrated and keep your protein up. These days can be long. You know, you're in the waiting room. We waited in the rating room on a live stream for Taylor Soup. Do you remember that for like six hours? Yeah, yeah.

And then we ended up ordering all that. Korean food, that was dope. We did too. Do you remember that? We got all that chicken. That was awesome. That was a good time. Yeah.

Still didn't get the tickets though. Got the chicken. Yeah. Chicken tickets. Chicken tickets masala. That's Indian but still good. Okay. Number two, sit in a comfy chair and practice a positive mantra.

So a bit like my positive parking mantra, which is patient people procure perfect parking places. I've written two options here for a positive. mantra to get tickets. Oh, okay. Beautiful bitches will always be bridesmaids. Beautiful bitches will always be bridesmaids. I was born to be a bridesmaid and I'm a beautiful bitch and beautiful bitches were born to be bridesmaids. There will be tickets in my life. That is so beautiful. And I felt you really believed that. And I do. I reckon I'll get a ticket. Okay. I've got another one that I wrote. Another potential mantra. Maybe this one will speak to you more. Terrific tarpas turned time into tickets to

Tony's hands. Why are these old tongue twisters? Because that's just what, then you have to say it slowly and you get through it in your brain. Okay, go again. Terrific tarppers turn time into tickets to Tony's hands. Terrific tarppers turn time into tickets to Tony's hands. There are enough terrific tickets because I am a terrific tarpa who is traveling to Trundon

for tickets to Tony's hands. On the train, maybe. To Truxie. Oh, wow. A lot of teas. I don't know why but my eyes closed. Is that how are you supposed to do affirmations? I just feel like it's right.

Unless you're doing a parking one. So true. Yeah, yeah. I should be open for that one. Most driving, actually. Not just the car. I've heard that. Yeah.

So that might help you get in the mindset. Three, tell everybody in your vicinity to shut the fuck up. There is nothing worse than when you're trying to get on and you're watching the little bar go across and everyone's like, oh, someone goes, oh, you don't have the information for the Johnson account, do you? Fuck off. Fuck the Johnson account. Okay, question on this one though.

Yeah. Is it a two-way street? Because obviously you don't want people interrupting you, but is it also on the ticket acquirer to like let everyone else know. Don't ask about the Johnson account. Potentially. I'm getting tickets. Yeah.

How can I know not to interrupt unless you've told me first? Yep, that's fair. Because is that? Block out some time in your calendar. If you work, if you're at work, tell them you got a fucking dentist appointment. Tell him you I had a fan tale. And you've got a great. So I need four days off.

I've eaten a $600 phantas. And I can only eat one a year because I have to make them last until I die. This is another good one that I always do. Copy and paste all of your credit card information into just like a note on your phone or a text or something. So you can just copy and paste that into like the information when you need it. That's good advice. And then my last. Credit card information being saved and sending it just.

Well, so then I was talking Charles about this. And then I realize that maybe my fifth tip is just get Charles to do it. Because every time I try and get tickets, I can't. He got me the Blink 1-8. I had been on the link. That's right. You did get those. I had been on the link.

It didn't work. Yeah. Charles was a champion tapper. We were, I was on the link for the Blink 1-82 tickets for like three hours. We've been live stream when I was trying to get them. Charles was watching. He just went to the website, got two tickets and then said, Tony, send me your phone number so I can transfer these to you.

And that's how you get a job at Tart Tower. Question, though, like, have you just got the alchemy? Like, was it just luck of the drawer? Tony had a bad one? Or did you just like, like, how did Tony try for three hours and then you just got it? Well, I did actually write some tips myself because I can't get everyone to get it. Tip five, ask Charles. Yeah.

Well, that's what I do every day for stuff. Charles, where's this? But not everyone has Charles. Maybe they could. We can shop them out for a price. Yeah. One night only. Charles, there's going to be so many bridesmaids there.

Wow. Charles is now Airbnb? No. Good. And do we have like a front door or like one of those revolving, spinning ones? Charles is just going to stay in the lift. Yeah. Go up, go down next one.

Go up, go down next one. Well, I do get told I got two. tickets to give away on my tender. I did say that. I said, fucking out. I promise. I know I said we were going to promise random tickets, but I said,

Charles, I'm giving you one for a stranger you meet on hinge. You just said two. I got Todd two. I've received. No, it's one for you and a plus one. No, I got receipts. Sorry. Sorry, I forgot we were working.

Yeah. Okay. Do you want them near each other or like, opposite. What if it's Tom's in the middle and then one on either side so that they don't do each other? Like, I'm just to be. Oh, you're Tony Spiner?

Who are you? And they're like, I'm here with Charles. And they go, you fucking what? Yeah. I thought I was here with Charles. Not my Charles. No, the other one. Not my child.

He said, I'm the only one for him between 11 and midnight. Yeah, you're one. Yeah. Oh, no. 10 passed. Oh, yeah. Gatorade. Calm down.

You can have my Gatorade. It's in the fridge. Yeah, there's a little. I've drank this much of it on Monday. You can have the rest of it. There's full bottles minus 10 mil. Charles, your tips for getting tickets. My first tip is don't put your,

credit card information just in like an Apple note and like all your information just there maybe like you just want a password manager like at least maybe Google Chrome's like the credit card saver in there yeah yeah um I think that it's fine but fine that is good official yeah yeah also every time I've got tickets I've used like a Windows computer not my Mac and so no one's going to come I've got no idea why but like it works best on a Windows computer. How is that possible? I don't know.

Is there a difference between phone and computer? I've never got tickets on my phone because I think it's a desktop job. It's a big screen purchase. It is a big screen. Yeah, because you need to act quick. So big screen on a preferably on a windows. Yeah, crazy. And then on conspiracy adjacent, Charles.

That's flat earth a shit. Yeah. We need to you in the doggy position with a torch. We just like, we cut to Charles on this YouTube video and he's got like a foil hat off. But you can only get tickets on a Windows computer. Well, it's faster because of the 5G or fucking whatever. My next one is make sure like no one else is like on a Zoom call like around you and not like using up all the internet. Like just you want them to shut up.

Oh. No, like the bandwidth. Yeah. I thought you like, tell everyone to shut out. I was like, that was one of mine. I don't know if this is Captain obvious or like why didn't we think of this earlier. No, love it. Safe space.

Was the fact we were streaming trying to get tickets that's taking up the internet? Like don't use up all the internet. We're fucking live streaming as we're trying to get them. Bitch. Do you think that's why I couldn't get Taylor Swift tickets or Blink One at 2? Why did it take six hours? I don't know. You weren't like streaming live from the same fucking internet connection, were you?

Oh my God. Well, we were. Each time it's taken ages, it's because we were streaming. Oh my God. Don't live stream. at the same time, I would say. Should we live stream? Well, not.

We don't need tickets. Oh, I'm trying to get tickets. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, I'm on. I'm on. I get it. And like, so if you're at work or like there's huge people in the internet,

I've always just like used my mobile data and like hotspotted my computer. Because then you're the only one on that network. And then always, watch time in your calendar. Just like have it as like a personal reason. Like, not I'm getting tickets. But yeah. Yeah. Like doctor's appointment, maybe GP.

So, just so happened that you were getting a doctor's appointment when Eric Stiles tickets went on say. Yeah. So was Danny actually. Interesting. Doctor's very busy. Lily and I both had a doctor's appointment when Lily Allen went on ticket on sale. And that's, that's good advice. And your final tip, Charles, is ask Tony because she's really good at getting tickets.

I forgot to write that one down. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not good at it. Don't do that. I don't know if I'm just unlucky. How can you be unlucky at clicking a link? Like, how is my juge that bad?

Do you know what I mean? You're really off-kilter with the universe if that's where it's got to. Like, if all I can do is click a link and not even that, then what the fuck am I up to? You got your Lily Allen tickets pretty easily. I did get Lily Allen. I also got childish Gambino. That was a while ago. But then that ticket, that concert fully, that tour got cancelled.

What happened there? He was really sick. Oh, fuck. He had a stroke. think and he had to have heaps of surgery and stuff. Yeah, he was like really unwell. That's, because I remember the hype of getting the tickets and then it was, yeah, fuck. And it was kind of, they didn't really give a lot of info.

What's the thing? When they say personal reasons, you always just go, oh, fuck, I hope everything's okay because you just, but they don't tell you anything. So you're like, oh, all right. Yeah, to me, just, I just don't know. It was like really rough, I think. It's a shame I'd love to see him. I've never seen like.

Oh, the best person on her. Yeah, but in terms of like when you said he's been done well, you go, oh, I don't imagine he's ever had a cold. You just think he's like impervious to illness. Or any negative vibes anywhere in the internet. Like just it just bounces off him. I know. He's such a great person, eh? I don't know him personally.

I wish I did. Speaking of Tony knowing people personally, I've got to you love to see it. Oh my gosh. And I've not loved to see anything more than what I saw yesterday. What is it? It was a text message. in the group chat. Yeah.

Our group chat? The group group chat? Our group chat? Yep. Top child group chat. Tony Lodge. I think if Princess Dye were alive, we would genuinely be friends.

Like I have actually not a single doubt in my mind we would roll together. Now, quiz. Is my love to see it that whole thing? Or just specifically you saying, roll together. What role where? Okay. Down the hill, grassy hills.

I wondered why you didn't say anything about me. Because you know when you drop a new bit of lingo? You like, that's going to come back. And your friends go, oh, like. We try that one on side. Yeah, that one's new. Like when Lily said queen that day. We don't down on that for like two months.

We all knew where we were the day that happened. Oh, yeah. Second day of the calendar shoot. So I just expect, and I hit send and I went, oh, I'm going to regret that. And then no one said anything and I went, I pulled that off. Nah. I didn't. Nah.

But I do truly believe it. I truly believe that we would get along really well. I feel like she would randomly have like seen the soap video, follow me on Instagram and we would have just like chatted. Do you think she'd be a washcloth girl or do you reckon she's old school? Washcloth. Yeah, she's too pop up. She probably had time to do it. She's fancy.

Yeah. I reckon she'd be coming down to earth. The people's princess. The people's princess. I reckon she would come to the hens party. Guess we'll never know. Don't you reckon? I think she'd want to come to the hens party.

But maybe it's just a bit too, like, too public. Yeah, and like security and staff and advisors would be like, well, I'm not sure if that's where our brand would align with. Oh, no, I reckon she'd fuck with us. And that's a blight on her advisors. Yeah. Not on her. She would want to go.

And even if she didn't, she could say she wanted to and then just be like, but like, look, the advisors. Advisors, hardly know us. I have suggested some cameos on the night. Yeah, Adele? How are we going on the English queens and kings attending? Renee Zellweger, maybe. She's English.

Is she? Who else is in? Oh, is she? No. Is she English in Bridget Jones? You're thinking of Bridget Don't. Oh, sorry. Because.

Is she actually not English? Rachel Zellwiger. Renee Zellwiger. Rachel Zelliger has his stuff? Charles. Can we, where's... I think Renée Zell Wigger is English, isn't she? No, I think she's from...

I'm going to guess Jersey or North Carolina. She's from Texas. Get some video of her talking? She's from Texas. Are you sure she doesn't always talk like this? She's from Texas, dude. What's that? I love both...

spoken about isn't in movies, but I didn't realize how emotional it was. Bridget Jones, this whole journey for you, Renee, has been over 25 years. Did you have to find a new Bridget in a way, that another level of emotion? Oh, sure. Well, I mean, each time that we are reunited with her, it's sort of a rediscovery process because we're never the same person. None of us are in, you know, the different chapters of our lives, and the same is true here, especially now when she's a mother and with what life has thrown at her. You know, you're never the same on the other side of a loss. And it changes your perspective.

I still don't know where she's from. Not me either. Can we see maybe an earlier one? I feel like she's got that Hollywood accent there. Hang on. In that, with her accent, I don't know where she's from. Not me either. And then watching her, I don't know if she knows she's on TV.

Oh. She's just... Well, because She's both such a natural. Such a natural. Why spend five seconds asking a question where you can ask for, for, seven minutes yeah I love that I feel like we need to try it let's try it it together all right so we had let's think of that what's a quintessential New Yorker phrase my hat making friend up there should what she sounds really American there

this is nine years ago all right y'all so first of all right y'all is open our mouths she sounds like Courtney cooks go for it just like that it helps You can your hand under your chin? I know it looks ridiculous, but let's be in this together. Can we make this video and then dub it and make her be like, all right, now let's all practice our dick sucking and then the whole crowd opens their mouth. I would suck Harry Connick Jr's dick. For context, he's on the screen.

If you're listening to the podcast and he's going, that's a random statement. That's the thing to say. It's still true, though. Oh, it's factual. Sorry. How did we get here? She is acting. Princess Diana.

Yes. Oh, no, would she live in London and come to the Hens party? She's not English. Who's English? Billy Island? No, she's American. I didn't realize this would be a great. Maybe she'd do a quiz next week on the show called Who's English?

Who is English? Hugh Grant's English. Ricky Javis. Yes. Adele. Adel. James Corden. Harry Stiles.

James Bond. Pierce Brosnan. He's English. No. Oh. James Bond is. Orlando Bloom? No.

He's not English. He's Australian. Orlando Bloom. He's Australian. Are you fuck? He was married to Miranda Kerr. She's Australian. Oh. He's Australian.

Is he? No, he was born in Kent in England. What'd you call? In Canterbury, Kent, England. I thought he was Australian. Oh, fuck yeah. You're thinking of Alf Stewart. I was thinking of Scotland.

You're thinking of Scottie Camp. I don't know who Elf Stewart is. Must be too famous for me. You must be talking about Scotty Camp. Oh, do you mean Scotty Camp? The movie star. Um, who else is English?

I think that we've named them all. Tom Holland. Tom Holland, who's that? The Spider-Man Day are. Oh, take that back. No, I won't. I say it again, the worst Spider-Man. What about the guy who's the shit sidekick in the social network?

Justin Timberlake. No. Oh, he's the good of one, but not as shit as him. Zuckerberg. No, he also plays Spider-Man, which would be the clue. Oh, is Andrew Garfield in that? Oh, no, original Spider-Man. Toby McGuire.

No, I was thinking of Andrew Garfield. He's easily the shittest one. I like Andrew Garfield. That wasn't the best Spider-Man. You're wrong? Because Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man, was magnificent. I will say

he was a little bit too cool. Spider-Man's not supposed to be cool. That's he supposed to be the NERN. But he was the one I wanted to fuck the most. And that's why he didn't nail the brief because it's like not... I'm not supposed to want to fuck Peter Parker. Yeah.

I totally get it. I think that's good that we can have this kind of honest discussion about it. So is he English, Peter Parker? No, Tom Holland. Tom Holland is... And he's married to Zendaya. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, Ed Shearon, we forgot about him. and Jewel Leaper. Oh, hi, it's Deleeper here. Isn't she? I mean, hi, it's Rita Aura. I reckon of all the people we've just mentioned, even though they're probably the most famous.

Adele's coming. Ed Sheeran's the kind of guy who might turn up. Do you reckon should we invite him? I don't know any Ed Sheehan songs. Or should we invite that guy on TikTok that kind of looks like it? How can you, did you just say you don't know any Ed Sheeran? You worked in commercial radio for 10 years, mate. Do you know what one I like?

And they say she's in the class A team. Like his first song, have I loved that song? The song that play on all the iPhones because it was called A-Team and it was like up top and it was like auto-download or something. That's Mark. Oh, no, they did that with you too, remember? Yeah. What about Shape of You?

One of the most streamed songs in history. Dun-dan-dan-dan-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. That's all I know. The club isn't the best place to follow lovers on the bar is where I go. Yeah. I know that one. Yeah. Yeah.

Just be careful of the copyright. Oh, because I sounded just like him. Yeah. He loves tomato ketchup. He does. That's a famous Ed Sheeran fact. What about there's this guy on TikTok that just looks really like Ed Shearan? Is it Ed Sheareran?

No. But maybe it is. Teddy's photos. That's his Instagram. Do you know that Ed Sheeran doesn't have a phone? that's stupid. Like he doesn't have a phone number. He doesn't have a phone.

And so he has like an hour of iPad time a day where he like replies to emails or whatever but he doesn't have a... So if you want to reach Ed Sheeran... He does look a lot like Ed Sheeran. Charles is just showing us a video of the guy that looks like Ed Shearin, but isn't Ed Shearin? He does look a lot like Ed Shearer.

Should we invite him? No. So... He can sing all those songs you don't know. He gets like an hour of iPod. time. Would you like to do that? And he replies to his emails or whatever. And so when Taylor Swift got engaged, she like, they'd called all their friends before they like announced it or whatever. And they're like, oh my God, we forgot to tell Ed Shearren. Yeah. Because they couldn't,

because they couldn't call him, because it wasn't during iPad time. What times iPad time? So every time we say iPad time. It sounds like a kid. No, it sounds like Pad Thai. Oh, iPad time. Yeah. Um. Isn't that cozy? And doesn't just that sound like your auntie's babysitting, your toddler, or you get one hour of iPad time? Yeah, well, it's not iPad time yet. So Taylor Swift can't call you and tell you she's engaged. Anyway, speaking of iPad time, I've got to you love to see it.

Oh, please. I haven't done mine yet. So I've got some bad, this starts bad but ends good. I've got some bad news. Last week, I left my brick in the hotel room on the Gold Coast. Yeah. And I've been using my brick heaps to try and like stop using my phone. Maybe she's just stopped using it.

Moved to iPad time. And I was like, fuck, I'm going to have to buy another one. And they're really fucking expensive. And that kind of pissed me off a bit. And I was like, and it took ages to arrive. So I was like, so I was like, fuck, that means I'm not going to be able to use it for a couple of weeks. Like, and that I'm just really trying not to use my phone so much and it really helps. Anyway, so I did a bit of a Google

And I found this Reddit thread And I found this other app It's called Focus, F-O-Q-O-S I've been using it for the last week It's way better than a brick Really? And it's free That is a huge call

Yeah, so this is my recommendation Of the year, I reckon Because everyone loves the bricks at the moment Yeah, it's and it is really I was a huge like seller of the brick Like every time people ask me I'm like get it, it's so good Isn't there a spare one on our fridge?

Well, it's Childers. Oh, okay. And you've got focus now, so he gives a focus. Well, yeah, and it's free. And you, like, don't have to, so you can scan something if you want, or you can just activate it on your phone. So I'm using it way more because as soon as I realize I'm using my phone, I, like, activate it and I just, like, put it down.

Whereas with the brick, I'd be like, oh, I could get up and tap my phone or I could just keep scrolling on real. Yeah. So I find this works way better for me. So if you've been thinking about the brick, hold off and get this free app first. This is crazy because you were an unofficial brick ambassador until last week. I was. And so many tarpas messaged and said to me like, oh, do you recommend it?

And I was like, I do. But if you can find a cheaper alternative, I would recommend that because they're really expensive. Like 60 US dollars. Fuck. Like, and this is free. And it's so, it's so good. It does the job. How do you spell it again?

F. Q-O-Q-O-S. That's a hot recommendation. Yeah, and I fucking hard recommend it so good. That's a huge recommendation. I recommend going to which website, Charles? Tony's Hensparty.co.com. Jump on the wait list because next week tickets go on sale.

They're going to be a hot ticket. Yeah. When you register, it's got all the times and the links and everything you need to do. And we're not doing time zone chat. So that's what, yeah. But they go on sale shortly. Yeah. Because of time zone chat.

But yeah, early next week. and there'll be a hot ticket. Are you... I'm trying... Yeah, no, it's all good. But it's like... Our time, isn't it? Well, are we doing time zone chat or are we not.

Cut that out. If you just heard of beeps, because I tried to do times on chat. Sorry. I broke the cardinal rule of the podcast. Don't do times on chat. We don't do pranks. We don't do time zone chat.

Love you so much. Love you so much. Touching her engage at ring. Love you. See you at my hands party. I see you on Monday. No, actually, see you tomorrow for a try not to laugh video on YouTube. See you Saturday for something fun on Patreon.

Yep. And see you at the pub for a palmer and wedges in about 15 minutes. Fuck yeah. Love you. Bye. Say bye, Charles. Bye. Oh, my.

So fucking rude. He wants two tibu and say goodbye. Oh, my God. If you don't want to work here, you don't have to. I'm going to put the two girls next to each other. Yeah. Oh. That's good.

He might want. that. Love you, bye. What if they get along? Do they know each other? We might see the Afro Tower in London. Hang on. I think you need. Yeah, no, time's on chat. Yeah, yeah, all good. Love you, bye. It could still, oh. I'm pretty flexible. I hope so. Love you. Bye.