Toni and Ryan - Monster Mail Mixup

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Confessions and Mail. MAIL I REALLY WASN'T EXPECTING!!! Toni xoxoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling Ben who's in, is it Durham? Durham in England? How do you... Dunham? I have no idea. Because I just say that and I think of Lena Dunham, but I know that's not right. Well, I don't think he lives in Lena Dunham. Well, you don't know that. You're right. I don't know that.

You don't know that. But I'll go, hello, Ben, like that. Please tell me this is Tony and Ryan. Hello, Ben. All my love, Lisey, is all right. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're all right. What's the crack, Ben? Well, I'm currently away with work,

so I've just told my boss there at the bar, fuck off, I'm going to go and answer the phone to Tony and Ryan. Love it, love it. Sorry go and answer the phone. It's Tony and Ryan. Love it. Love it. Sorry. What's the crack mean? Okay, then Ryan's really confused because I said, what's the crack?

And you responded and he's like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, what does that mean, Ben? Yeah. Oh, what's the crack? So what's the gossip? What's the information? What's going on? Kind of thing.

Did Tony sound like a... Very, very Newcastle Geordie. Oh, and did Tony sound like a Leland Dunham local when she said that? Yeah, very much so. Very much so. Yeah, see, I've watched Gavin and Stacey. I get it.

Because I kind of... You watch Gavin... I fucking hate Gavin and Stacey. Fuck, Ben and Haja. Oh, no. Because no one likes James Corden, mate. And a real true person would know that. It was pre-James Corden really being James Corden, mate.

But do you remember when we went to Balthazar in New York and we went, where do you reckon James Corden was sitting? That was when James Corden was decent. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Exactly, Ben, you're right. We went to Balthazar in New York and I said, where do you reckon James Corden was sitting when he yelled at that waitress?

Yeah, yeah. He got a good run while weazar in New York and I said, where do you reckon James Corden was sitting when he yelled at that waitress? Yeah, yeah. He got a good run while we were in New York. Anyway, Ben, we appreciate you telling your boss to fuck off for this. Would you mind approving this podcast? You better fucking believe I will do. Yes. How amazing. Hi, it's Ben from Durham in the UK and I definitely approve this podcast.

Yeah. I'm Durham in the UK and I definitely approve this podcast. Coming up today. Yep. Are you Meg Ryan? Because you've got mail. In a small Seattle town in New York. Sleepless in New York. Sleepless in New York.

Now, Tony's got mail. Why do I have mail? Do I order something online? Because, yes, I probably have. And I've been asked to deliver this mail. From who? We'll get to that soon. I think you'll like it.

I'm nervous. A bit like'll like it. I'm nervous. A bit like nervous excited, not like anxious nervous. You should be nervous excited. Because you know how before I would always be like if you said, oh, I've got something, I'd be like, no, no, and I'd be real whiny about it. But now I'm like excited instead of whiny. Yeah, you should be. Good.

And that's a nice change in life. Yeah, because I just like want to have fun and not be worried and pressed about shit. How's that going for you? It's actually great. Yeah. Yeah, I've got way more energy to do other stuff. Like go to P.Latte's.

Are we calling Pilates P.Latte's? Yep, I just did. Is that a young people lingo? Nah, just. Have you had the pizza from the Pilates place yet? No, I haven't. I haven't and I think. Do they do potato jams?

Oh, do they? Do you reckon? Fish and dough and jam. Fish. Fucking. Try that one again. What? Fish and dough and jam.

Fish pizza and potato jams. Yeah. That sounds fucking disgusting. Yeah, but I must have it immediately. I don't think you do fish on a pizza, but you do maybe prawns on a pizza. So a prawn is not a fish, obviously. It's from the ocean, so it is. What?

So you'd have garbage on a pizza? There's garbage in the ocean? But similar to like a surf. You'd have whale cum on a pizza? That's in the ocean? Caviar? That's not whale cum. I think if you had one of those like, you know,

those all-in-one takeaway joints where you can get like fish and chips and a couple of slices of pepperoni, you wouldn't have it in the same mouthful but you'd line up. Yeah, like you'd figure it out. I don't know if you would. If you're hungover enough. I don't believe in like not like cross-pollinating food, as you know. I'm like a fan.

I like lots of stuff because i like different textures yeah so if i'm so it's why i love picky dinner because i've got a little thing that's been baked in the oven i got a little bit of cheese i got a little bit something else maybe a little bit of fruit some quince paste something really salty oh i know it's a while ago now but were you fucking crook after we had all those dim sims the moey oysters um i did some pretty bad shits yeah yeah the next day i was like what is that and i went oh i had 74 moey oysters last night i also um i was really dehydrated after scouring that soy sauce i think it's the soy sauce that dried me out as well yeah um anyway let's get to confessions actually the first confession today and thanks for submitting them

at tonyandryan.com.au, remember a few weeks ago how we had a confession from the legacy pooper and then he went back to his college ten years later and there was still that sign? Oh, yeah, like don't throw poos in the bin or whatever. Yeah, and he was like, oh, what a legacy I've left. Yeah. Well, anonymous tarpa knows another pooping legend.

Pooping legend? Okay. At college, we would regularly find poop in the stairwell that's so fucked the poop would have a little toothpick with a little flag on it and it said the brown bomber was here there was no there was no method to the madness of the brown bomber his attacks were frequent and random. Different times, different floors, different buildings,

but always had the little flag saying the brown bomber was here. I don't even think that's funny. It's just so fucked up. Someone had to fucking clean that up. Do you know what I mean? Like that's so cooked. After bombing up the whole campus. It would fucking stink.

Across a term. Also, were they shitting in the stairwell or, like, shitting somewhere else and then placing it in the stairwell? Well, this is the mystery of the Brown Bomber. I don't like that. That's a, ugh. After a full term of bombing up the whole campus, the Brown Bomber retired undefeated and undetected.

Undefeated? Like,ected. Undefeated? Like who are they trying to defeat? Like who's the enemy here? Well, the fact that they got away with it and retired and didn't get caught and they moved on and then like years later people would be like, fuck it, remember that Brown Bomber? That's so fucked up. Have you ever watched Community?

Yeah. Yeah, and like there's the episodes of the ass-crack bandit and it's like, oh, and, like, so if your butt crack is out, like, someone would put, like, money in your butt, like a coin in your butt. I'd be rich. You would be rich. And, like, this kind of reminds me of that.

Like, I'm just like. Come on, guys. Well, many years later. The toothpick with the flag that's hilarious is it is this am i not getting hurt many years later i'm at a party with my boyfriend at the time and somehow the legacy of the brown bomber comes up in conversation you know remember the brown bomber there was a brief silence and my boyfriend smirked and proudly declared it was actually me i was the brown bomber well so they've now broken up obviously for a myriad of non-brown bombing

reasons we broke up but i will never forget that i was once dating a legend i would instantly be like you've just been shitting in public well again we don't know that maybe he's been shitting in the privacy zone bathroom okay but leaving his shit in public actually now that you mentioned i don't know what is worse both are terrible if someone had to clean that up that's so fast i don't think anything is bad if it's got a little toothpick in it like a little flag like you know when you get a cocktail it's got an umbrella oh i know what it is i i'm not disputing what it is even though you know what it does remind me of you know when sometimes you get a pizza and it's got that little white plastic thing so that the cheese doesn't get stopped at the top yeah should we get a pizza yeah yeah anyway the brown bomber fucking nah from me i know it's

not bombing or nah and it's a nah from tony um would you do that no but i like the what i do like the artistic direction yeah but also that like he had a bit of character he gave himself a name he got little flags he put some effort in. The flags. Oh, my God. Imagine if you walked in and you're like talking to your college roommate and you're just like, oh, hey, bro, what are you doing? He's like, oh, nothing.

He's making the toothpicks. He's like, no, nothing, nothing. He's like doing arts and crafts on his thing. If I was the brown bomber, I'd be buying little flags and like placing them in other people's rooms just to like make it look like they're the bomber. Framing them. Yeah.

What I do like about the story is that he went out on top undefeated. Undefeated is just the wrong word. Unfound, I guess. Like was never caught. Undefeated. Because you know how like when you watch the movies where there's like a serial killer and you know how they always like leave the clue?

Yeah. But then they always get caught. Yeah, because they crack the code. Yeah, but there's something about the brown bomber retiring and knowing when to stop is important, I think. Yeah. You can't have too much of a good thing. Oh, gosh.

All right, now this one just happened to a tarpa last week, so it's a fresh confession. Fresh confession. I was working as a janitor in a college and this asshole kept shitting in the stairwell my father and i will never make eye contact again says anonymous oh no my father-in-law okay so that's like my father my father and i oh i thought you said father-in-law oh no my father and i will never make eye contact again dad ordered himself a new camera and he was really excited he's recently like retired and he's like i found this hobby i think i'm into cameras and photography let's take some shots i work from home so he ordered it to my house so

someone could be there to sign it's expensive good expensive yeah you don't want to just leave that on the doorstep yeah or at the fucking post offer yeah which is smart right that's good intel oh a hundred percent yeah so dad dropped in one day and the delivery man dropped off the package at the same time perfect oh dad here you go take this with you oh my god about 20 minutes later that also never happened like you know when they say oh the window's between 1 and 1 30 it comes at 9 a.m the following day yeah like it's it's just never fucking right. It never works out. About 20 minutes later, I get an email that said,

congratulations, your 12-inch cock-shaped dragon dildo has been successfully delivered. My stomach fell out my fanny, said anonymous. Oh! I called my dad and screamed, do not open that package. I called my dad and said, I want to come in Tony's house. It's a private number. The dad answers and says that.

The dad answers. It was too late. No. He was so excited about his camera that he opened it right away. In the car. Holy moly. I can never look at my dad again. But I also feel like I can't ask for the dildo.

Surely he'd go, oh, I think this is yours. Oh, well, he knew it was hers, but then he's like, does he just then rock up and be like, oh, here you go. Yeah, well, it's in the box. You just go, oh, sorry, I think this is yours. I don't know. I also feel like it being dragon themed makes everything so much worse. It adds another layer of complexity to the issue definitely, yeah.

Would you be more embarrassed about the 12-inchness or the dragonness? I mean the combination of the two is. Yeah, I mean I'm not going to yuck someone's yum. If that's your thing, I don't care. It doesn't affect me personally. But think about the harrowingness with your dad. It would be the dragonness for me, I think. Okay.

Because there's just something quite quirky about that, isn't there? Well, this happened last week. Oh, you haven't recovered from that. There's no way. And ironically, the one thing you need to release and stress after a horrible moment like that. Is the 12-inch dragon dildo. Yeah.

And we've all seen that. Hi, it's Ben from Germany, UK, and you are listening to the legends that are Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Aliana May Tan. Thank you so much, Aliana. May she? Yes, she may. She may not if she can put sunscreen on.

Yes, she may not. Luke Hungerford. Oh, I'm hungry. Hold on. Meg Moo. Yes, she may not. Luke Hungerford. Oh, I'm hungry. Hold on. Meg Moo. Good on you, Meg. Samantha Turley and Alison H. Alison H.

H. Thank you, Alison H. You know how there's like you're supposed to say H, not H, and like Z, not Z, or fucking whatever? Yeah. I couldn't give a fuck. Yeah, same, neither. Like whenever people have called me out on that like online before like

it's actually h or it's actually h i'm like oh it's actually um i don't give a fuck so fuck you sorry as someone who can't spell or talk i agree because i just whatever feels right i'll just go with that exactly thank you what's h it that sounds a bit like Mrs. L's good energy to me. Grow up. Yeah, yeah. Where, why, while. How am I supposed to fucking not? Just say while, you dumb bitch.

Anyway. Cool whip. Cool whip. Say cool, cool. Say whip, whip. Say cool whip. Cool whip. Cool whip.

You're saying it weird. Anyway, Family Guy quotes. Today is approved. Because it's actually 2007. Oh, whip. Say cool whip. Cool whip. You're saying it weird. Anyway, Family Guy quotes because it's actually 2007. I don't know if you knew that. You've gone back in time. It's great to be here. I saw the brown bomber earlier. Did you? Undefeated.

Today's approver, Ben from Dunham. What's the crack, Ben? What's the crack, Ben? Yeah. He's a legend. After we finish doing the approval, if you're a Geordie Shore fan, turn off now because. Oh, you'll be upset.

Listen to the bombs he was dropping. Have you ever been to Bijou, the nightclub in Newcastle? No, I haven't. Oh. No. No, I prefer going to the gay scene in Newcastle, to be honest. It's much better. I don't get any sight when I go out.

Yeah, because Bijou is where they go on Geordie Shore. That sounds awful. So Bijou isn't actually in Newcastle. It's in Jesmond. Tony's been lied to. Yes, but outside of it. No, it's not Geordie Shore's a big misdeception on what

Newcastle's all about you've got people in Geordie Shore who aren't Geordies I'm not a Geordie at all I live on the wrong side of the water from it

but they make out that Newcastle's this big nightclub place it is but it's nowhere near where they go to so the house for Geordie Shore is in an industrial state They make out that Newcastle is this big nightclub place. It is, but it's nowhere near where they go to. So the house for Geordie Shore is in an industrial estate and the industrial estate looks like an extra from The Walking Dead. There's nothing else there at all.

Oh, this is like a set, like for the show. Yeah, so it's a set in an old warehouse and it's built to make it look like a house inside it. That is great intel. Diabolical. That is huge. 25 years of my life I've sunk into this fucking show. How do you feel, Tony?

I mean, it's all smoke and mirrors, isn't it? I'm honestly beside myself. I'm still beside, I can't believe it. What's stunned you more, that or some of the other harrowing things that has happened today? Oh, yeah, actually quite a shocking episode. Yeah. And not shocking as in quality.

Well, that too. Yeah. But more like surprising. But, Tony, I've got, oh, oh. What's happened? There's some mail. Oh, I'm actually, I'm really, oh, what is it? How long has it been since you've got like hand-delivered,

hand-written mail? Such a long time. That wasn't a bill. Like, oh, hand-written. Oh, good. Actually, no, that's very good. Oh, do you know what? Actually, last Christmas.

I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away. Gave it away. I'll give it to someone special. I got a Christmas card from our accountant. Oh, really? Yeah. And that was Henry and that was really nice. Yeah. From the finance Henry and that was really nice. Yeah.

Yeah. From the finance team. All of them. Yeah, my finance team sent me a card. No money in it. You know when you open a Christmas card and you like shake it to see if any money falls out? Well, there's no money in this one just to be upfront.

Oh, great. What's it say on it? It says Aunt Toddy. There you go. Is this what I think it is? What do you think it is? Instantly my thought went to maybe like a first birthday party invitation. Open her up.

Wow, she's good at writing, isn't she? She covers that. Please read. Okay. Dear Aunt Toddy, it's Mabel here. Mabel and I are best friends. Thanks for being the best godmother ever. Thanks for the best cuddles.

Thanks for saying godmother the best way. Sorry my handwriting isn't good. Change of pen as well. Yeah, apparently whoever Mabel writing that realised they were writing too big and then we've got to run out of paper. Run out of room, yeah. Sorry my handwriting isn't good. Please be patient.

I'm 10 months old. That's fair. You've got to give a 10-month-old time to get better at joining and using a pen. Oh, yeah, yeah. If they were 35, I'd be feeling a bit different about it. But they're 10 months old. Yeah.

I'm writing to you to invite you to my birthday party and that part's highlighted as well. So she's really got a lot of stationery. But they're 10 months old. Yeah. I'm writing to you to invite you to my birthday party. And that part's highlighted as well. So she's really got a lot of stationery. Yeah. We're paying her too much. Yeah. We need someone funny at the party. Dad said he would do it, but he sucks.

Mum gets scared that no one will come to our party. Oh, can you please come to our party? Oh, fucking course. I think Dad would love you to be at the party because even though he won't admit it, I think you are his best friend. He loves you a lot. Best friends, Dad and Toddy, best friends. What?

Is it my birthday? She's entitled to her opinions fuck you uh there's another page here next page yes she ran out of room oh yay um best friends best friends after bj me mom dave parsons and Billy, that guy who makes things disappear. If I'm after Billy, I'll make fucking Billy disappear. You're about to find out why Mabel loves Billy. Have you met my twin? No. Good work, Billy. Hashtag only child. She saw you as an only child.

She was like, oh, look at that. She saw Pip as an only child. She was like, that's really good. Please bring that handsome boyfriend of yours okay i don't think he'll be invited out she's gonna steal my name uh what a treat for the eyes maybelline can he bring some tobalarone from his family's factory we'll see what we can do for the the party, Dad and me are making cupcakes. Oh, not really. Not really.

Dad ordered them from that tarp with the cake business. Miss Noble. Oh, yeah, she's such a good bitch. She is whipping up a treat. The tarp economy rolls on. See you soon, Toddy Mabel. What? Oh, that's beautiful.

Yep. So I'm invited to the birthday party. When is it? There's no details. Oh. Is that off air chat? Yeah, it will be out of logistics chat, yeah. That's beautiful.

Yep. So Mabel wanted me to pass that on to you. Oh, good on her. Yep. So Miss Noble is making the cake, as you know. She is so lovely. She made a big cake for my book, remember? Well, it's not a competition because she Noble is making the cake, as you know. She is so lovely. She made a big cake for my book, remember? Well, it's not a competition because she's also making a cake

for Mabel's birthday. No, no, no, but I'm saying remember how yummy that was, that cake? We ate it in that restaurant. I'm saying like good choice. It sounds like you're trying to one-up Mabel. Oh, you're just gutted that Mabel wants me to come to her birthday. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God, how exciting. Will you come though? Absolutely. Are you going to start a little gift registry or something? For a first birthday. No, no, no presents. Your presents is presents now. No presents.

Okay, well, I can respect that. Maybe I could bring some food or something, contribute to the day. Did you read the cupcakes? You and her are making cupcakes? No, the cupcakes, there's treats. It's going to be like a brunch. It'll be like coffees and bakery goods and cakes and snacks. And the reason it's brunch is because we've realised that all of our friends,

like it works between naps. I was about to say, get in. Everyone's got a lunchtime nap. Get in early. Get out early as well. No, because we used to go, oh, let's meet for lunch, and then everyone goes, oh, my kid's got a nap. And it just didn't work because there's going to be a lot of kids there.

I love that. Yeah. I am so excited. I'll bring my bathers. Oh, don't bring your bathers. No, bring your bathers. Bring them. Okay.

Yeah, I'll bring my bathers. Oh, how exciting. Oh, yay. Yable. Yable. Yable. I can't believe she's going to be one. It's fucking crazy.

Isn't that insane? Yeah. And, you know, it's all going to fly by and all of a sudden we'll be celebrating our 18th birthday. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, so she's walking and she's running. She can now walk up the stairs without using her hands. Yeah, which is insane.

Well, it's fucked because we have not baby-proofed a lot of the house yet. Well, because you were like, we won't have to do that for a while, but she's so advanced. She is actually quite advanced. I'm pretty sure parenting is just saying your kid's advanced. I think that's it. And, like, wouldn't you milk it as well if you, like, the other day I met a neighbour, right?

So this is the guy that lives next to us. He's so lovely. And we'd kind of, like, seen each other in passing but hadn't chatted. Yep. And I think I said to you that I got home and he was like out doing his garden and we were chatting and stuff. And he goes, oh, sorry if you heard.

How's his lawn? He doesn't have a lawn but he's got this beautiful big hedge out the front. It's stunning. Sounds like a fucking amateur. Well, maybe I'll be able to give him some tips. I'll go, oh, mate, if you need a hand with that lawn, I can come around with me trimmer. Yeah, I'll tell you something else.

Anyway, and he goes, oh, sorry if you've heard my dog's barking. I went, oh, mate, no you need a hand with that lawn, I can come around with me trimmer. Yeah, I'll tidy something up. Anyway, and he goes, oh, sorry if you've heard my dog's barking. I went, oh, mate, no, they don't bother us at all. It's so fine. And I went, sorry if you've heard my dog barking. And he goes, didn't even know you had one. Yeah. Very well behaved. My daughter is very advanced.

Have you told her on the podcast before? Because you've definitely told me seven times in the office. No, I told you because the guy was really nice because he trimmed the hedge on his outside of the thing. It's not an unusual day for Tony to be such a proud mummer. I'm a very proud mummer. But you said that's just parenting, isn't it? That is parenting.

Like bragging about how well your kids are doing. And so when he was like, oh, I didn't even know you had a dog, I went, no, didn't you? She never barks. But you play it cool and you go, oh, aren't all babies walking at four months old? You know what I mean? Like, oh, my God, sorry.

I thought that was so normal. She's at gymnastics and jumping into the ball pit. She's a psycho. She has no fear. Maybe she hasn't learned consequences yet because she just is crazy. No, I love it. Yeah. Bold like Aunt Toddy.

Just wants to jump off shit. Good. Yeah. And in the safety of the gymnastics ring. Well, the other day I was at the bottom of the stairs and she just like, when she wants a hug, she just like leans forwards. Yeah.

Like catch her. Yeah. Yeah. Like she's Superman. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, if I wasn't here, you would have just died. And she was like, yeah, but you were.

But you were. So don't have to cross that bridge right now. Shut the fuck up, Dad. Oh my God. I'm so freaking excited about that. What a great day. What a great, great, great, great day. Great day.

I'm going to love to see it here from Hot Ash from Perth. Oh, Hot Ash from Perth. She is hot. We love Ash. And from Perth. And it's a dry heat, so dry, hot Ash from Perth. Yep. Ash said, she posted this in our Facebook group

on our You Love To See It thread. I was at a sauna the other day and the manager overheard me telling someone what I do for a living. Like I guess having the chat of like, oh, like what do you do for work? Like, oh, it's the middle of the day. Like do you work at night? You know, that kind of thing. And so Ash does a very niche thing for work.

I don't know if you recall. She takes her phone and makes like BTS. Of weddings. Of weddings and events and stuff like that. So she's an event photographer but like on the other side. Yeah, on the fun side. And as she was leaving, the manager walked over and said, I'm so sorry, can I ask you something?

I didn't mean to like listen in to what you were saying, but you've got a really niche job and I'm wondering if you're a tarpa. From the approval. Yeah, because in her approval she said what she does for work and obviously went that's Ash. There's not too many wedding TikTokers. Yeah. And Ash says you love to see it.

Ash, hot, birth, weddings. All adding up. You love to see it. Tarpa's in the wild. Tarpa's in the wild. Isn't that fun? That's fun yeah thanks for sharing that hot ash from perth um darren who's a tarpa hot darren he's left he

was in a workplace for 20 years that was fucked oh you know just politics bullshit mental health as well is like you're probably feeling a bit stuck you know you've been there for so long you're like oh i can't leave now. So guess what he did? He's fucking left. He started the fucking blog. He's got the fuck out of that workplace, took a massive risk and set up his own bakery,

which is also like a sweets and candy shop, and he's killing it. It's doing amazingly. Whereabouts? I believe... Did I find that out? I think I've asked him. I'll follow up and put it in the episode thread.

Well, because obviously we've just talked up Miss Noble and then you said, oh, we're doing all these bakery treats for Mabel's birthday. No, overseas. Oh, overseas. Not local. Not a competitor of Miss Noble. We'll have to call Darren and get some croissants for the brunch.

I was listening to TARP episodes while making this year's big batch of hot cross buns last week. Oh, Daz, you could have sent us some fucking hottie chossers. Yeah. Also, someone said, I've never heard someone say hot crossies like you guys do in Australia. And I'm like, we don't say it like that. I think.

We're just fuckheads. Just Tony and Ryan said that on one specific day. And they said, oh, I'm going to start using that. So please do. And what I love to see is Rachel Lyon replying to Darren going, Darren, I didn't know you were a tarpa. And they're like old friends finding each other in the Facebook group. Tarpas in the wild.

Tarpas in the wild. Oh, you love to see that. Don't you fucking love to see that? Well, a lot of coincidence chat. Very, very good. Get around Darren in the, you'll love to see it. We don't know anything else about him. So if you meet anyone called Darren, say good job.

Nah, he'll be in today's episode thread. Hopefully he will have answered and I will put a link. Oh, and we'll be able to pop maybe the Instagram or a link or something. That'd be good. Do I take the pun and back it in that I find a reply right now? Oh, I mean, how much time do we have? I can tell you. Do you want me to keep talking to cover the silence?

That we do not have an answer yet. No answer yet. Okay, well, Darren, you're going to fucking lift. He's busy baking. He's busy baking. Yeah. That's what you ought to be doing when you're a baker. Exactly right.

Yeah? You've got it. Talking to the microphone, Sophie. I'd love a coffee, by the way, if you're grabbing one. I'd love a coffee, by the way, if you're grabbing one. He has not yet answered your question. That's what I just said. So you said I've got it.

Oh, I thought you hadn't found the thread. Oh, my God. Fucking hell, Sophie. Fucking didn't bring a coffee or a fucking egg, that's for sure. Fuck me. Oh, that's not going to go down well, Sophie. That's so bad. That's bad news. Everyone, let us know your thoughts on the executive producer of BDSM

in today's episode, Fred. Fuck. That is probably one of the worst things I've ever heard. And I went to the bathroom this morning. All right, tomorrow on the show. That's worse than the brown bomber, I reckon. That was awful. Put a flag in her.

Because she's shit. She's shit. Tomorrow on the show, another episode of what should not be awkward but is 100% awkward. I mean, that wasn't great. And we'll have six different stories of Sophie reliving today. Oh, my God. Call the police.

Okay. No, no, no. I am going to go out there and I'm making an accusation to the people of the jury. Someone whose name is listed in the Tony and Ryan podcast title. Yeah. Has committed foul play to prove a point and I'm fucking outing her. Okay, so it might be me.

This is a scandal of the highest order and everyone who listens to this, every tarpa, is going to decide whether Tony has been busted cheating. Cheating? Cheating at what? You've pulled off a scam. I wouldn't say cheating. Maybe a scam, a ruse, a fraud. I'm calling foul play.

At what? Tomorrow I'll lay down my evidence to the people of the tarp jury and they will decide. Oh, my God. Okay. Because some A- grade bullshit has happened. Watch this. I've already said too much.

Okay. I've already said too much. And you can tell which side I'm on. See you at the birthday party. Love you, bye. This might be my last episode.