Toni and Ryan - My other boyfriend's a microwave

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. I did the hello that that character from The Simpsons does when he's like, why do you talk like that? And he's like, I had a student room. For me, it sounded like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. Mrs. Doubtfire, yeah, with the cake on the face. One of the greats, yeah. Yeah. No? Okay.

Crossover. Should we start? We'll call Bailey, who's in Salt Lake City. We can call Bailey if you want. We start. We'll call Bailey, who's in Salt Lake City. We can call Bailey if you want. Remember on that live stream when I sculled that Bailey's? Oh, no, it was Kalua.

Even worse. Bailey? Hello, Bailey. Bailey! Hello. Hello. Have we interrupted you? Sorry to interrupt. What are you up to?

No, it just came up as scam likely. So I was like, maybe it's them. I'm not sure. Yeah, well, we will be taking your money. That is clear. Your phone is right, Bailey. You're being scammed. And it's only $79.99 a month or something.

Yeah, sign on up. The tax office, you've missed a payment. Yeah. Buy us six gift cards. I didn't know that we came up as a probable scam. Yeah, me either. How do you feel about that? Yeah, it's not good for our reputation. No, but Bailey, thanks for

answering anyway. That's brave of you. Yeah, it is. Thank you. I do my best. That's real commitment to our podcast. Brave Bailey as well. That'll be known as from now on. Yep. Well, Brave Bailey, will you approve today's episode? Yes, I definitely approve. Oh, Brave Bailey.

Nice. Very brave. Very brave. This is Brave Bailey from Salt Lake City, Utah, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. I went out for lunch with a girlfriend the other week. Yeah, I'm a fancy girl.

Okay, sounds like it. And something that happened has haunted me since then, like keep me up at night vibes. Right. And something similar has happened this week and now I just have to share it. Okay. Is it like get it off your chest? I think so.

And also just like vibe it and make sure that I'm not the only person that does this. You know when sometimes you just need a little bit of like reassurance that like I'm not the fucked one here, even though I know that I am. I think what you've just described is the whole point of the type community. Actually. And also just having friends.

We're all just chatting about whether this thing that we've done is fucked or not. But someone once said, the thing I love about type is I spent my whole life thinking I was a fuckhead. And since I've found the community, I know I'm still a fuckhead, but at least I'm not an alone fuckhead. Yeah. It all like when you're on TikTok and people comment on your videos, like i've never had a single experience that like no one else's yeah

it's all over speaking which time for normal or nah to figure out what kind of clowns there are the birthplace of being fucked there's some fucked ones today you know what i'm saying yeah yeah sorry yeah yeah we get the Bible out of it. Thanks, bud. Sorry, we've just had Easter. Normal or nah from Erin? Hi, Erin. Erin asks, anyone else dry their hair by sticking their head out of the car window like a dog? Am I normal or nah?

Oh, Erin. I don't want to turn on you this early, Erin, but, wow, I don't do that. Are you running late um does it like lots of things have to have gone wrong in your day for it and also is someone else driving you because you couldn't do that that's have you not seen s ventura i i have actually that's where i get most of my life advice from that's how i figure out whether what I'm doing is fucked or not. It's a no from me.

Well, no. Yeah. Was it you that we were talking about once that you put like a, I don't want to throw you under the bus here, that you put like a damp T-shirt in the microwave or your undies or something? Was that you? Oh, I don't want to throw you under the bus.

Just to let everyone know, it heats it up, but it does not remove moisture. It actually makes it sweatier and worse. Yeah, and it probably gives you third degree burns on your scrub. No, it doesn't get that hot. It just gets slimy. Yeah. Don't say slimy.

Well, don't throw me under the bus. Sorry. But I think we've talked about that on the pod before. But then I couldn't remember if that was you or, like, someone else I talked to. It makes sense. Because your brain thinks I need heat and then you go, microwave brings heat, what could go wrong?

And it turns out all of it. Well, then how does a dryer work? Well, it's not a wet heat. Because that's just a big microwave, isn't it? Isn't it? I'm sure there's a difference, but I don't know anyone that knows the difference. Right?

Yeah. Like I could pop my leftover pasta in the tumble dryer and I'm sure it would a difference, but I don't know anyone that knows the difference. Right? Yeah. Like I could pop my leftover pasta in the tumble dryer and I'm sure it would come out just the same. You could actually go like pasta, herbs, bit of cheese, and let the dryer do the mixing. Literally. And like because sometimes there's a bit of water in there, that would boil that right up, soften your pasta,

that would be perfect al dente. Toss my salad right there. Oh. Is that what that means? No. Yeah, it does actually actually i'd continue saying that but basically what we've learned tumble dryer basically a big microwave can someone write that down and let's do it can we put it on a t-shirt should we get some merch made yeah my tumble

dryer is my my oh my god you know when people have like my other car is a rocket ship or whatever, my other tumble dryer is a microwave and people put, are we right? Okay, we get bumper stickers made for people's dryers. That's a microwave. What about a T-shirt? Put the bumper sticker on your microwave. I'm also open to a T-shirt that says i dried this t-shirt in my microwave that's also very good yeah or a pasta sticker that says i made this past through my tumble dryer or a laptop sticker that's like my other laptops a tumble dryer

or like on my water bottle it could sell out my other water bottles a laptop. And they're all just ridiculous. I'll get a tattoo on Torbz and it's like my other boyfriend. My other boyfriend's a microwave. My other boyfriend's hotter than this boyfriend. My other boyfriend's Ryan John. They would sell out if we got the printed one. i'd buy it thank you anyway erin nah yeah you're the idiot in all of this conversation erin

jackie has a normal or not hi jackie instead of eating nachos the normal way, Jackie eats them layer by layer. What's the normal way? Just eating it. As in like? Well, in a thing you would have like the chip and like a bit of dip and there'd be some cheese and some bean and stuff on there. But do you mean because you kind of like take from the outside or something? But she's just like mouthful of chip and then the next layer down, a little bit of bean, go a little bit further down.

Oh. This will paint the picture more because Jenny has replied. Hi, Jenny. And says, my boyfriend eats lasagna layer by layer, eating each ingredient individually. I fear I may have entered into a relationship with a psychopath, says Jenny. What's the point of having lasagna?

The whole thing is that you enjoy it layer by layer. That's what I think lasagna is. Sorry. In Italian, lasagna means layers. I actually think it does. Does it? No one Googled that. I don't want to answer that.

No, but I think it does. Okay, great. So that's the point. Can I have the layers but with no layers? Do you know what I do with a nachos? What? I like to eat from the outside in and then right at the end you get like the cheesiest bite.

Yeah. Because it's got like all the meat and all the cheese is like in the middle and then you get like one chip and the whole. So you've eaten 50 dry chips. Yeah. But then right at the end you get like six really good bites. Yeah. And it's worth it.

Yeah. It's worth it yeah and people who've been o o o g tapas yeah we'll know that tony is planning the last bite from the moment she has the first bite because heaven forbid you land imagine having a dry chip as your last bite and you go i guess that's it then or imagine like you don't figure it out properly and then the last bite is like broccoli no eat all the broccoli first yeah fuck that off get it done get it out properly and then the last bite is like broccoli. No, eat all the broccoli first. Yeah, fuck that off. Get it done.

Get it out of the way. Yeah. Thank you for knowing that about me. I know a lot about you. I care about you. Another bumper sticker idea, I'm always planning the last bite. That makes you sound like Hannibal Lecter. Maybe I am.

Always planning the last bite. I don't know how I feel about that. Oh, that was a disgusting noise yeah sorry oh that sounded a bit like a like yeah i was gonna say can you say do you want to come over for dinner and then do the noise do you want to come over for dinner that's not bad actually do you know what i did buy a pasta roller for my kitchen aid you know how my boyfriend bought me a kitchen aid for my an accessory for my accessory yeah kitchen it You know how my boyfriend bought me a KitchenAid for my 30th? An accessory for my accessory, yeah. KitchenAid's not an accessory.

It's a whole machine. It's like a mixer. Well, it's an accessory to the kitchen. It's the kitchen's aid. Yeah. Not the kitchen's accessory. It's a one-stage. But I bought a pasta roller.

It goes on the front and it like, yeah. And how does it go? Well, yeah, and maybe I'll make a lasagna. Yeah, my sister and I used it. Oh, so you roll out a whole thing, a sheet? Yeah. Yeah, Well, yeah, maybe I'll make a lasagna. Yeah, my sister and I used it. Oh, so you roll out a whole thing, a sheet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, don't let Jenny's boyfriend around there. Yeah, no, that sounds awful.

My other boyfriend's a microwave. Sorry. Matzing has a cultural normal or nah. Ooh. Us Filipinos, says Matzing, call the last piece of food on a shared dish the shy piece because everyone's a bit shy because they feel a bit of guilt and embarrassment about getting the last bit of the shared plate yeah oh is that yours that might be the last oh did you have three and also you know when you really fucking want it but then someone's more brave than you

and they go does anyone want this i might have and you go oh i'm so stuffed i've never said that i couldn't possibly that's because you say that no that's because when you go oh i'll have that i go oh yeah yeah yeah that's the i i never i always feel so guilty the shy piece standoff is a staple for us at every potluck or friend catch-up dinner and i want to know if this showdown is normal or not in other cultures as well. A hundred percent. I reckon everybody does it, especially at a big group dinner. Like if it was just you and your partner and you kind of go, oh, I preferred this thing and you liked that.

Like that's what Torbs and I do. If there's one of two things left, well, but I'll go, I liked that more. So you have that thing and that's all good. Brodie Green and I went and got dumplings the other day. Did you? And dumplings is the ultimate showdown. Yeah.

Because even we had one each and we were already ironing each other off. Oh, hang on. I love that Xiaolongbao. Yeah. You don't like those soup dumplings, do you? Don't look at those. Yeah. No, very normal.

That's very normal and a great fucking question. Do you like the concept of calling it the shy piece because everyone's a bit too shy to get it? I do. Yeah, because I always just go to the last bit, but the shy piece has a bit of a. What an icebreaker as well because it's already an awkward situation. You go, oh, the shy piece, and they go, what does that mean?

You go, oh, everyone's a bit too shy. That's quite nice. That is quite nice. Bringing a bit of class to us. Thank you. Thanks, Mattsing. Finally, Leanne asks, normal or nah? Hi, Leanne.

Walking around the airport wearing your neck pillow. It's a big fucking nah from me, says Leanne. If you're awake enough to walk around the terminal, you're awake enough for your head to remain upright on your shoulders. Agree. Agree. Totally agree. Normal.

Normal, normal, normal, normal, normal. I think neck pillows like fuck them off grow up are you a baby that can't keep its neck up like literally do you need an elizabethan collar because you've been in an accident unless it's not medically required i think a neck pillow can fuck completely off i I hate them. I think they look stupid. I think that they're a pain in the ass to pack, hold, have. Like they are just the biggest pain in the ass. And you know what else about a neck pillow?

I actually think there should be a travel minimum. And as you're going through customs, if they go, ma'am, you actually don't meet the requirements to bring a neck pillow, they should make you set it on fire in customs. Because I've been on a flight to Sydney before from Melbourne, which is like. No, no. By the time you get up, you're already coming back down.

It's about six minutes. I don't even have time to go down with the trolley most of the time. Anyone want drinks? Too bad. Yeah, see you later. And then neck pillow. You're joking me. Fuck right off.

Even to Perth. And that's like, what's that four hours it's still too short i reckon the minimum is like a 15 hour flight for a neck pillow for me 15 so 12 hours grow up nah and even at 15 i think you're fine so when we went to dallas yeah it was 16 hours yeah and what did i rock up with neck pillow And how many flights did we have in and around the US? 80. Yeah. And what happened to that neck pillow?

Got left on the plane on the flight to Dallas-Fort Worth. The first flight. We cleared customs. We got in the taxi and I went, my neck pillow. And Tony said, fuck you. This is Bailey from Salt Lake City, Utah, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tappers over at our Patreon. We've got heaps of good stuff over there.

You should check it out if you want to. Oliver Chan, thank you so much, Oliver. Thank you. Catherine Kidd, love you, Catherine. Thank you, Catherine. And you, Kidd. Jordan Farley, good on you, Jordan. Corey Phillips and Kimbo.

Champion tapas will have seen the last live stream where we did the Moe Oysters. Yeah. And one thing that's overlooked that needs to be highlighted was I think one of the best examples of zero to 100, Tony, when I accidentally popped the cork of the champagne a little harder and more into your house than I thought. I think so accidentally.

I was aiming for the backyard. I was aiming for the backyard. Accidentally is probably a little bit strong. I was aiming for the backyard and I just didn't get the trajectory right. The clearance of the. The clearance. Yeah. And I hit the roof. And so did I. little bit strong i was aiming for the backyard and i just didn't get the trajectory right the clearance of the clearance and i hit the roof on the inside and so did i and so um and if you want to go back and watch that you just every time you hear zero to 100 tony from now on you'll go oh okay but i think in the comment section just bomb up i think i was very clear about what was required

and i said please don't do that you'll hit hit the roof. And you went, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And then you did. Well, yeah. Well, I didn't do it. It popped itself. I was just holding the bottle when it popped. Your Honour. That would not hold up in court, especially in my court.

Yeah, okay. I mentioned before I went out for lunch with a girlfriend the other week and I have not stopped thinking about this. And then history has repeated itself and it's anyway. lunch with a girlfriend the other week and I have not stopped thinking about this um and then history has repeated itself and it's anyway you know when you're out with a great friend or someone you just have a really amazing conversation with and you just get really consumed in what you're talking about you're in the zone you're exactly right and you like kind of anything could happen around you the world doesn't exist outside

a two meter radius of this conversation because i'm so in it yeah and we were like sitting in a restaurant so there was people around us but they were also all consumed in what they were talking about so it was like everyone was in their own little world um and we're sitting there and we're having this like great conversation and we decided to do like the set menu like feed me i love a feed me set menu and they go oh the chef reckons this this this and this today and you go well he probably knows better than i do so bring it on out and it normally has like the three or four things you're deciding between anyway but then you get to share all of it yeah and you get to taste more stuff yeah i love it because that's my thing about ordering lots of food.

It's not about like. The shy piece. The shy piece, exactly. It's not about like lots in terms of I don't want a lot of one thing. I want lots of a million tiny things. Just a bite or two of that. Lots of little textures, lots of little tastes, lots of little zings and whatever, like a little bit of spicy stuff.

That's my whole thing. It's the same like ordering food costs a fortune. Like, you know, if you do like a tie for dinner or something and then you're like, oh, but I want lots of different textures in my mouth. Yeah, and then you've spent $100. And it lasts you three dinners because you've got like still little bits of everything left.

And by you've got three dinners, you mean you just leave it in the fridge for three weeks, it goes off. And you intend to eat it. You've got the best of intentions. Yeah, exactly right. See, I'm a good person. Yeah. Anyway, and so we decided on doing the set menu.

It looked fucking awesome. But it also meant that like there was no real reason for like the waiter to come over. Because, yeah, you've got, yeah, one choice. We sat down and I said to the person I was at lunch with, I was like, I think that we should do the set menu. And she looked at it and went, great. And I just was like, yeah, we'll do two set menus.

Like, can you please bring us over like a few bottles of water? Yep. I think she got like a mocktail like juicy thing. And we were both kind of like sipping on that but mainly drinking water. So the waiter has no, there's no decision making anymore. Exactly. Like literally. And then as our drinks kind of got sipping on that but mainly drinking water. So the waiter has no, there's no decision making anymore. Exactly. Like literally and then as our drinks kind of got lower, they'd like come over and be like another round or whatever

and we'd be like yeah or nah or whatever. But basically we'd ordered all the food and that was it. And so the waiter like keeps coming over. Why? And he's like everything all good here guys and i'm like we've ordered our food we've got full drinks sitting here we've got water and i'm like yeah all good like thank you so much and then i'm like oh in my head i'm like that's quite attentive like what good service yeah but i'm also like having a really good conversation with my friends. So I'm a bit like, oh, we're right in the middle. Like.

Does he feel like you ordering the set menu has taken his job away? Oh, and he's like, oh, I'll just check in again. If I'm not checking in, then what am I doing? Yeah. And I was literally. I'm getting replaced by AI. Sorry, I just like to throw that in from time to time. Just, you know, why can't I podcast, you know how it is. And at first, like, I'm like, oh, in from time to time. Why can't I podcast you now?

And at first, I'm like, oh, that's really kind of him. And then we'd been sitting there for a while and the food's still coming out. So it's not as if we'd overstayed our welcome. Food's still coming out and we're still ordering, still spending money or whatever. And he keeps coming over and I'm like, yeah,

we're all good. Thank you so much for checking in. So this isn't when he's like bringing a new plate. No, this is like him coming over and being like, everything okay. Because that's a good time when you're cleaning up the prior plate or bringing the next plate. To then be like, oh, need another drink? How was that? Did you want a little bit more of this?

Or some people order an extra plate of blah. Are you keen on that or whatever? But it wasn't like a natural time for him to come over. And it also wasn't, it wasn't like a lull in conversation. You know, when you like are at a function or a party or something, and you would never walk over to someone mid-convo, you'd kind of wait for them to be like, oh, well, so good to see you. They'd be like, oh, could I steal you for a second or whatever remember this because uh tomorrow i need to share something with you about the awkward moment when you're at a party and someone else is mid-conversation because you unlike the waiter you a polite person will go

they're deep in conversation i'm just gonna let them be and i'll just vibe it like i feel like i've got quite a good sense of like when's a good time so this guy's not reading the room is that what you're saying well and this is what i'm thinking good sense of like when's a good time. So this guy's not reading the room, is that what you're saying? Well, and this is what I'm thinking. I'm just like you're a waiter at like a pretty nice place. Be invisible. Isn't that the goal? Slide in, slide out, be unseen, be a ninja.

And because at first I was like, wow, so attentive. Like that's great. But it kind of kept happening at like really weird times. It kind of kept happening at like really weird times. And anyway, I realised three quarters into the lunch or something. Yeah. That because I was so into the conversation, I was doing this a lot, gesticulating and talking with my hands. She's doing some big hand talking in the room here.

And because immediately I'm like, what's the pattern? Are you a big hand talker? What's the, not normally. You're all revved up. But I'm like, what's the pattern? Are you a big hand talker? What's the, not normally. You're all revved up. But I'm like chatting with someone and we're having this great combo and whatever. And immediately when this guy's coming over and I'm like, okay, there's obviously a pattern here.

There's obviously something that's like giving this person the signal to come over. And I realised that I'd been doing this. Waving their hands around. And every time I'd moved my hands, he's gone, she needs something. Yes, Tony. And I was like, oh, okay, like I need to, maybe that's what's happening. And I kind of, then I'm like, I need to just like sit here like this.

Oh, no. Tell Tony to sit still. She's off. Well, then I'm very aware that I'm like trying to sit really still. And I'm like, well, that doesn't look normal either. So I'm like trying to kind of meet myself in the middle. And then I think I was also a bit embarrassed that I would never, ever be someone that would wave a waiter over in like an aggressive way.

I think there's a nice way to do it. Totally a way to do it. But I would just never be like, hmm, throw a hand. No. But I accidentally clicked at him. What do you mean? You accidentally? do it totally a way to do it but i would just never be like would you whistle no but i accidentally clicked at him what do you mean so then i'm being oh sorry accidentally sorry bud so i'm telling this story we're having this conversation and i went oh every time like that and i was obviously talking to my friend and we were so in the zone four waiters appear but i've done three clicks and he has sprinted over like fucking usain bolt like nothing else and

he's run over and i like i ignored him because i was like i'm not talking to you and i stayed because i don't look at the help no no no no, no, no, no. Because I was more just being like, I'm not clicking at you. I'm very obviously just like telling the story. And then he's come over, halfway over, he's realised, oh, she's not calling me over. And he went somewhere else. So he didn't come all the way over, but we kind of like figured it out. But I was absolutely mortified because I would never click at a waiter, like in my whole entire life. I would sooner get up and be like, oh, excuse me, when you have a set, could you give us a hand or something?

You would sooner go and serve yourself or clean your own dishes. I'd actually just leave. I would pay and then I would just get a drink from Mac's on the way home. Yeah. Like that's probably what I would do. Anyway, so I realised that I'm accidentally rude. Who knew? On Monday, we went to the footy.

Tony's box. And we got a corporate box for us and like a bunch of tapas. There was like 18 or 20 of us or something in a corporate box watching the footy. I'd never been into a corporate box like at the footy before, so I didn't really know what to expect and it was really fancy. Yeah. It was so fancy.

Like it was really cool. We had like was so fancy. Like it was really cool. We had like all these like plush seats. I believe someone joked about, oh, imagine if there was sushi in me. And then it came out 30 seconds later. Yeah, they brought all this sushi out and we were like, what the hell? They're listening. And then there was this meat there that none of us knew what it was. And they go, oh, that's duck.

And we went, what? Yeah. What? I've never seen that in real life. Yeah. Anyway, and it was so fancy and we're all kind of chatting and we're like checking it all out and going, oh, my God, how cool. And then this man appears and his name's Ash

and he's like our friend for the night. When you say friend, we decided to call him friend instead of waiter. Server. Yeah, because he wanted to be a part of the thing and he was great. And he was great and he was chatting with us and whatever and he was such a sweetheart, but he was like serving the drinks and bringing the food out and stuff and when we're chatting with him and like talking about the footy like oh who do you barrack for like whatever anyway but when we first arrived in the box like because we were talking about the

mcg yeah and you and i like literally tony and r Ryan standing there talking about, I was like, oh over there is where I was for Taylor Swift. And then we started talking about Ash but Hot Ash from Perth, who's a tarpa. Who's a tarpa and a Taylor Swift fan. She, I think, is the biggest Swifty in Australia. Like, she's a massive Taylor Swift

fan. She's made all this content while Taylor Swift was here. Taylor Swift looked at her at the concert in Sydney that she went like just did she look at you no she didn't I was too far away that's why when I was like yeah I was right up there um anyway see me using my hands I gotta sit down um anyway and I was like oh um yeah hot ash blah blah yeah hot ash blah blah hot ash yeah hot ash hot ash and I realized that, who is helping us for the night in the corporate box, very fancy.

Side note, he's kind of hot. He's a good-looking boy. Yeah, very good-looking. He's standing there and he's. Being objectified. And he's no and he's blushed, gone bright red and gone, oh, like can I, what can I get you guys? Like you all good?

And I went, no, no, no, we're all good. And I've been like, mate, we're in a conversation. Like we're obviously having a conversation about something. And you're talking about hot ash. Five freaking seconds later, I'm like, oh, I've just not only yelled his name like eight times, but punctuated it with hot ash. Yeah.

And so I've been talking about hot ash from perth who's a tarpon is 50 hot ash in the box though has thought that i was talking about him and i've clicked and i've yelled and i've gotten been like bro we're in a conversation like don't you serve people all the time wouldn't you be so aware of like what a conversation looks like you don't i'm the asshole you don't actually normally get duck but it was like a a sorry duck he goes he goes i'm so sorry yeah an apologetic they upgraded our package because he was like i'm so i was really inattentive yeah but um and instantly though i'm like i'm like we're in a conversation like why would you ask me what i want while i'm like and then i realized like what I'd been doing,

just like screaming his name with the adjective that I'd chosen. Yep. And I just was and I actually can't stop. Is it presumptuous on his behalf that he thought he was hot ash? Oh, that's a good question. You know what I mean? That is a good question. Because some ashes would be like they're obviously talking

about another ash. Yeah. But not hot ash at the MCG because he was like, it's obviously me because I'm good looking and gorgeous. And think about how inappropriate though it would have been if I was actually talking about him. Well, he thinks you were. Yeah.

But like, I would never be like, oh yeah, hot Ash over there. Who's like getting his drinks. Like, like, and that's obviously not what I was doing. And I would never ever fucking do that. Why do you say that's really inappropriate yet every day in our workplace you threaten to finger me multiple times? Because you do the same to me. Two wrongs make a right apparently.

We've been on many planes together, mate, you and your travel pillow. Okay, it's not hiding anything. But, yeah, so I just really needed to get that off my chest and make sure I'm not the only person that talks with their hand a lot and has accidentally been mistaken for someone that would click at a waiter. Yeah. Or objectify someone. So is this your state of the nation address where you would like to just declare and put

on the record a point of order? Yeah, I'm not an asshole. You're not a waiter clicker? I'm not. You're not a waiter objectifier? Thank you. You're not rude. You're just an animated storyteller.

Just an animated storyteller. and I'm clicking in my stories and I need to stop. It ends here. I like it clicking a story. Me too. I think it punctuates the moment, you know, like it's what you need. Don't let objectified hot ass tell you what you can and can't do. I just felt, and then afterwards I was like,

he probably thought that I was so creepy he did he said he said something later i'm not surprised he's probably like wow that was like made me feel a bit uncomfortable oh my god yeah can i just say it's all that hot ash from perth has approved that nickname um she posted on a she posted on a thing the other day she said i'm just gonna go change my name to Hot Ash. Hot Ash, yeah. Okay, great. But, yeah, so apologies, everybody. If you've ever seen me in a restaurant, I promise I'm not clicking and waving at anybody for attention. Well, it is for attention.

It's for the attention of the person receiving the story. I'm doing, like, this major musical theatre improvised show for people. That should be on the bill, like a $10 surcharge. Literally, like I should get paid for entertaining those around me. Yeah. Thank you for your service, ma'am. Yeah, that's what I was waiting for and I appreciate that. I think you should be allowed on the airplane first.

I agree. Do you like military personnel? Any storyteller clickers? No, even before that, with the pilots. Okay. Put me on with the pilots. I'll help them clean the plane if they need. Like I'll pop some blankets on a chair. I don't't mind helping out i just need to be on there first yeah yeah

um i've got you love to see it which you're gonna love as well tony great travis says now that easter has been and gone trying to get rid of leftover easter gear are the supermarkets and isn't it time for a chocolate bargain cream filled eggs are half price at my local. You love to see that. You do love to see that. I would like to, from now on, celebrate Easter with my family the following weekend. Yeah.

So you can go into Coles on the Monday and get a heap of eggs for next to nothing. Fuck yeah. And you get them the best eggs or those massive ones you can get and you go, well, I can't afford that. Yeah, well, you can the week after because the discounts are rife. Yeah. Emily replied.

It's a great hack. I think we found Emily's vice, by the way. Oh. She replies, oh, those dirty little cream eggs. They're so good. They come in a six-pack now and fuck me rather. Do you like a cream egg? I don't.

I'm going to go on the record and say that I don't really. I get it. Yeah, I get it. It's and say that I don't really. I get it. Yeah, I get it. It's just too sweet for me. It's not for me. I'm pretty sure that's also Emily who I work with at Channel 7 on the morning show. Oh, is it?

I might just need to see how she's doing. Yeah. Oh, she's full of cream eggs. She's fine. She's great now, yeah. Do you know what I do like, though? I think I said this last week, but a fucking lint bunny. Yeah.

Fuck me right up. They're so creamy. And that little bell, I mean, can you get any cuter? They're annoying though because there's bells all over my house now. Oh, fuck, must be doing all right at your place. How many bells you got? How many lint bunnies did I have is the question. How many did you have?

They're not cheap. Well, it's actually good because when Mabel finds it, you can hear her. Oh, she's just over there. Yeah, like a little cat collar. Just attach that to one of her tops so she jingles as she's walking around. I hear a jingle getting close to the stairs. I know. Yeah.

I love to see it. You know how I've talked before about how I get lots of random Facebook groups suggested to me? I got one from this group called Tua Aotearoa and it's like a really famous, I've done some research, a really famous New Zealand bike track. Right. And it's like a bike backpacking thing and people do this trail. You do the whole thing.

It's like very famous and it's quite common for people to go and like do it themselves. A bit like, you know, like how you can walk the Camino in Spain. And it's like, it's a real camaraderie thing. Do I sense a new hobby on the horizon? No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely fucking not. No, but I got suggested this group and it was this page,

this post in the group that had gone viral. This young guy messaged and said, hello, everyone. I'm 18 and I've just got a question because I'm really stuck. I've cycled from blah to blah. I'm absolutely loving it but I've blown my full budget and I'm trying to figure out whether I should finish the trail and like take a bit of money out of savings or like do I just like cop that I've spent my whole budget and like pack up here.

Do I just like cop that I've spent my whole budget and like. And pack it up. And pack up here. Like, and he was kind of being like, is it worth spending the money? Yeah. Like, what's the scenery like? Like, is it more of the same of kind of what I've seen? There were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of comments of people being like,

not only is it beautiful, but I live here. You can pitch your tent in my front yard. Oh, I'm here. I can make you a hot meal for the lunch on day four i live here and like we own the pub there so we'll give you a hot meal and you can have a shower and stuff like free of charge all good and i'm not i'm not going to read through all the comments because they're up hundreds hundreds but this young guy he's 18 and all of these people are just like nope you've got to do it it's a once in a like when are you going to be back here and there's other people being like dip into your savings you can always make more money but you can't make like more memories and you're already here and isn't that just beautiful now i know we've probably already overdone our sticker budget

we've hit some quotes today i mean if we didn't waste all those T-shirts on my other T-shirt is a tumble dryer, we could have used one for that. They are good, though. But you can make more memories, but you can't. No, that's not what it is. You can make more money. And I'll do a drum roll and then you're going to nail it. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Lodge.

You can make more money, but you can't go back and make more memories. Isn't that nice? That is nice. Yeah, and so this kid I saw, I'd seen it like five days after it had been posted. So by that point he'd commented, replied to heaps of people and been like, I'm going to fucking do it. I've pulled some money over and everyone's being so generous

so I'll have a hot dinner with Shirley in fucking Queenstownstown and i'm bloody and yeah and he's like doing it isn't that so cool that's so good good on him and good on everyone else for getting around him yeah good on you for just uh not just breezing past the the tour group random and it's just recommended you i know that's not for me but i will dive in well i just read it and then he had all these comments i was like wonder what that is. That's how they get you. Yeah, I thought it was sweet. Tomorrow on the show, what disproportionately upsets you? Oh, everything.

How much time do we have? Infinite time on the podcast. Oh, yeah. It's not live. Yeah. I've got nowhere to be. So that's tomorrow on the show. And thank you for everyone that suggested theirs. And I don't know if Tony is going to nod in approval or like nod in rage.

Okay, good. But they'll be nodding. And it's a video show. So you'll be able to tell how I'm traveling. You tell us. All right, we'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.