Toni and Ryan - My Whole Family Saw The Video

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

CONFESSIONS - Toe stuff - Sunglasses - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is really fucked. I didn't realize I was actually filming within the Messenger app. And that's gone to mom, dad, siblings, and a few of my aunties. Oh. Hi, I'm Clean from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Hi, this is Samantha from Waco, Texas in the USA. Hi, I'm Kristen from Alexandria, Virginia, and I agree this podcast. To the podcast.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. That is our lead singer, vocalist. Tony Lodge. Yeah. Leight to our harmonica player. On Tuesdays, people send through their confessions. These are top confessions. Tony and Ryan.com.

you to anonymously submit. And I don't know if you, maybe this is your first episode, maybe you're dabbling and then you're thinking about going back to the beginning. But we do a daily show. And yesterday, Ryan gave us the hook of all motherfucking hooks. Charles, is it possible to maybe put on the screen like, when you do the follow-up confession, can we be like,

can we link back to the other episode so they hear the first half first? Do you hear what I'm saying? No. Like, because you're about, you gave us the hook of all hooks yesterday and I feel like people need to have heard the first one. Like, can we link them back, Lincoln Park.

We can or I could do a quick reset. But I make two downloads, isn't it? Yeah, so true. Yeah, think about it. There'll be a link below to some place and you can click it if you'd like. And we'll figure it out. It might just go to tarpub.com.

Do with that way you will. So a few weeks ago we had a confession where someone went to their colleagues' hens party. Didn't know them that well. Their work friends, they went along. So she worked with her from work. Yep. Yep. And she went to the hens party and discovered that her colleague was actually a twin.

The twin was a bit flirty and they ended up hooking up with the twin. in the bathroom of the place. Hot. Only to find out later through whispers and texts that it wasn't the twin. She actually went down on her colleague who was the bride to be. Everyone found out. Turns out the twin sister was hooking up with the groom and the whole wedding's off and it was all a whole mess.

Terrible, terrible mess. So this person has DMs me because the story goes out and, you know, a lot of chat in the Facebook group and she's like, oh, fuck, that's me. Yeah. Which is it. We never get to hear the next, the follow up because it is truly anonymous. But they found me in the DMs and said, hey, Ryan, that was me. So we're going to keep them anonymous, but we have a follow-up.

I was feeling a bit weird because my colleague's life has been turned upside down. I was a part of it, even though we said she was the least at fault. We did. We did determine that. After thinking about it and I was a bit like woo-woo and whatever and like everything was a bit strange. Well, because is it also a little bit confusing because you've hooked up with this girl, you've had a great fucking night.

Are you a bit like, is there something here? She's asked her out on a date. I didn't know that that was coming. Yeah, she's like, I know we hooked up and we're a bit drunk and laugh. I thought it was just broken up with your husband. Yeah and stuff. And then so like the dust is settled and she's like, should go and grab a drink?

And the other girl was a bit like, oh, yeah, I was planning on marrying this guy. I wasn't like, obviously I haven't really thought about that. Am I gay? Am I bisexual? Is this something I want? Yeah. We work together. Yeah.

And she's got... I mean, we work together and it's okay. But some others don't get it. Nah, that's weird. Yeah. And so she was a bit taken aback, but within 10 seconds just went, well, I haven't really but... But yeah.

Amazing. Yeah. And so the confessor who doesn't live in the UK anyway, but said, sorry, I won't be at the Hens party because that's the night that we're going out on a date. And we felt that. Yeah. It's as if we knew. Yeah. So, uh, I said, hey, don't feel any pressure. You have a great time. Don't message me back right away, but no, message me back right away. Okay. Well, I'll, I'll get into the dams, but she's like, we went out on a date and it seemed to have gone well and, and it was a different

light because we were just like colleagues who got along. Yeah. And it wasn't ever really more than that. Yeah. Or we didn't suspect, like it wasn't even on the radar for either of us. Because, yeah. Yeah. And now we, I think they had a few drinks on the date, but we. We, turned up sober. It wasn't like a silly dance. It was like, no, we both intentionally went there to like see what was up. Thank you for Tony and Ryan and the Tappas for giving me the confidence to do it. I thought I was in the wrong, but I was like, you know what? It wasn't my fault. And I actually maybe like her and fucking why not? Oh my God. Yeah. This is the best news. Yeah. But we don't. So we don't know how. I don't know the fall out yet. Other than that, they went and

had a few drinks and had a good time. Oh my God, I need to know. I know. Can you tell us next Tuesday? Next Tuesday. Hopefully we'll have another follow up. Yeah, although I'll have to chat with Tonella and Riano. If there's room in the schedule.

Actually, no, we'll figure it out. And see if they don't demand sharing. Oh, you've been practicing. I have. I don't know. I don't know how. I don't know how strong or Riano's accent's going to be yet. Bono serra.

Oh, Sarah. Just to let everyone know that Tonella and Riano will be English. Yes. But there'll be some borderline questionable accents there. Not mine, obviously, because you just heard it. It's pretty good. Here's a new confession.

Hello, new confession. I accidentally sent a... This is really fucked. I mean, we've heard some stuff. I accidentally sent a video of a strange man sucking my toes to my family group chat. It was a new relationship. we were exploring. He was into feet, which is not really my thing,

but I'm a try anything once kind of gal. He asked me to film him. So she's filming. She's fully naked with her feet out. And he's like suck on her toes. And she's filming him do it. I didn't realize I was actually filming on the camera, like within the messenger app,

which for those of you new to the game, it's like you hold your thumb down. Yeah. And as soon as she, you let your thumb go, it stops record and it just goes. Yes. It's not like you go, yep, cool, send it just like. Really?

Oh, well, that's dangerous and they need to update that. Who fucking just opens the Facebook messenger? I don't know. Like, it's, it's her fault. It's her fault. So they received a full unedited video and they're saying she's like she's filming from her face. So they're saying like her body as well.

Yep. And the feet at the bottom. And that's gone to mom, dad. siblings and a few of my aunties. Oh. The relationship didn't work out. Oh, so it's not even worth it. So not only was it weird, but then we go to the next family gathering.

It's like, oh, you're still seeing that guy? And she's like, no, he was a loser. And they're all like, yeah, he looked kind of strange when he was going down on your feet. Is it still going down even though you're further down than going down implies? You know what I'm saying? Because you're not going up. We're going all the way down. But imagine if, like, you meet someone.

And I go, hey, how about I take you out the back and I'm going to go down on you and you go, first of all the thing I've ever heard. Yeah. And then you go, ooh, and they go, but all the way down. Yeah. I'm going to lick your shin. Yeah, like all the way down. And we're not here to yuck anyone's yam.

It's just the term going down is, is there only really halfway? Yeah. Yeah, true. Going mid. I'll tell you what's, yeah, not hot going, do you want to go mid? Or someone goes, hey, Tony, how about I go down half the way? And you go, what? How about I go down on you?

And I go, whereabouts? point to the dolly and tell me whereabouts. I think though that, yeah, we're not here to yuck anyone's yum just because we aren't into sucking on the piggies. Yeah. Doesn't mean that you can't be into sucking on the piggies. But I cannot think of anything that I would personally enjoy less. Than having your toes such?

Yeah, nah. My feet are a little bit ticklish. My toes are really long. I just am not into it. Like I just find feet in general. Sure, actually not that bad, but I don't like my feet. So the thought of someone else getting up close and personal with them, I'm like, I would just feel sorry for you.

So I am the... You've got a nice foot. I think we can all appreciate that. For me, the thought of sucking on a foot is a no. Yeah. Nothing in that for me. Someone sucking on your foot isn't the worst thing in the world. But I feel like...

You had that. I've had that. I've had that. Did you ask for it? No. But it was just like you were fooling around and that happened? I wasn't even in an overly... I don't know.

Sorry? Yeah, I don't know. No, I need more on that. I don't know. You're about to say it wasn't overly sexual. I just don't understand... No, maybe it was. Well, I'd hope so.

I don't understand a casual way in which someone could suck on your toe. I think our friendship groups growing up were a lot different. But like, oh, I bet, like, what are the odds you'll suck on my foot is different to a sexual situation? You know, like, that, that's fine. But I don't understand a way where you could go, I don't think that that's so bad. I didn't mind it when it happened to me.

Could be not in a sexual way. I think there was. Oh, flex in the pities. Oh, no, I got to hide the dogs for this chat. Put them away. Bip-bib-bib-bip. Why was that episode, the reviews are. Yeah.

Oh, they were just talking about sucking feet and putting their toes off into the camera. Yeah. New revenue stream for us. Maybe she'd look into it. I reckon there was six of us in a hot tub. And there was some toe sucking. But in a, like a silly toe suck? I think it was almost this conversation as like, do I reckon that's nice?

I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. Okay. I get what you're saying. But I was like, but there was also a guilt of like, Like imagine if I say, hey, Tony, like, can you give me a back rub? And you do it. And you go, can you rub my back?

And I go, oh, no. Like, I was, like, oh, this is like, it's kind of just like, I would say the same as a back. Like, oh, just that's nice. Yeah. But then because I was like so unwilling to return the family, like, well, like. Yeah. Oh, you can if you want, but I'm not going to do it for you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, and you know what? I, you got to know where you are. Who was it? there was a few you passed your piggy's around

I think I had both big toes going at once oh oh fucked a lot of you what did you have someone on your third big toe as well no

no because that would be the ultimate yeah yeah I could actually I could all three big toes go once

why not I think I can actually tell you more mouths than I know what to deal with I can tell you probably the five or six people

in that hot tub but I couldn't tell you who was on the end of the dogs. At any one time. Yeah. Well, it was obviously like Raged,

Liam, Phil. No, this is probably free two of those. Okay, so no feel yet. No.

One of them we probably met in Sweden. Oh, Vicky. Maybe. Vicky. She would have been there. She would have been there.

She would have been there. She would have been there. Vicki sucked on your dogs. Did she go for around two insomnia? Shame on her. Sweden. No, she didn't because I was having dinner with her and her fucking fiancee not husband, yeah.

No, but again, she was at that party, but I don't know if she was there. Kate and Dave. No. Kate, just Kate. Foot Kate. Foot Kate. Kate. That's why she became a foot doctor.

Yeah. She goes, I sucked on this excellent toe a few years back. And I think I'm about that now. Yeah. I actually don't remember. That is so fucking funny. Hey, unslave for you. I love it.

I personally just can't think of that's just like not for me. I love a foot rub. But again, not even really in a sexy way. I just like it. Like when we're a bit tired and I just like give you a little massage or when you do that little hand massage. Yeah. I would almost say it was the same as that. But even though now I think about it, it's not the same as that.

Whenever I give you a hand massage, I'm not like, you know what? This is like sucking on your toes. Yeah. And I'm only just understanding. Like on the hierarchy of physical touch between friends. You know what could be above line and what could be below? The hair massage above. To suck.

It's below. What do you think is more strange? Sucking on a toe or sucking on a dick? A toe. Yeah. For me personally. Yeah. I mean, I've done one of them before.

One I haven't done before. Right. So your ratio is way off. Yeah. You'd need to suck every. retail in London Fields to get close. Hi, this is Samantha from Waco, Texas in the USA. I'm Clinton from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Hi, I'm Kristen from Alexandria, Virginia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. A couple of our little piece. Amy Lumsden, good on your Amy. Lucy, thank you so much. Anna Vasquez, Namy Maliadi. Amber, good on your Amber.

Cecily von Eitzen. Cecily von Eatson, my pussy. Tammy Olivia, good on you, Tammy. Rihanna drink water. Rihanna drink cum. Charles drink water. Are you guys married? No, we're not.

Have you met? No, not yet. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe in the fields. Meet me in the field. Charles was drinking water when that happened. Phoebe Davidson, good on your febes.

And Meredith Plaquesco. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Being a champion, Tapa. But we are taking eight champion tarpers to Fiji for Podcast Away. So if you're a champion tarpa and you haven't entered yet, there's a round open now. We've got two more people to select. Oh, Legal Lil said there was a thing I had to mention about that.

Oh, what was it? We have promised fun activities in Fiji. We'll probably do a stand-up paddleboard lesson or go swimming or do some stuff. One of those activities will not be a communal toe-sucking. and I just need to make that clear. I just need to make that clear. No, that's not what's happening. Like, set expectations where they're at, you know what I mean?

Don't over promise and under deliver. Well, if you get your toes sucked, power to you. Yeah, and it's not guaranteed. But if you hop into a hot tub with Ryan, I'm just letting you know you might have a dog in your face. And pipa won't be there. And woof, woof, motherfucker, motherfucker. These dogs are coming your way.

Well, while we were, since we've been in London, we went to a couple of conferences. while we were here and spoke on a couple of panels. And one of them we were talking about the amazing tarpa community. We'll fucking big up in all the tarpas. And Ryan goes, yeah, and we're taking a few tarpas to Fiji. He's going to be so fun. Tony's husband's going.

My wife's going. And on the stage, I went, his talk is going? And Ryan went, yeah, I thought so. And I didn't know that. And he went, he should come. And we fully deep breath on the stage. At a B2B marketing. Stage for fucking business.

A keynote speech for Apple podcasts. The head of international. We debriefed our fucking holiday to Fiji. In front of her title is the head of international podcast at Apple. The head of international. And I'll. What is that? Sorry, sweetheart.

What are you a pilot? Like, I love it. Can you just hold that thought for a second, sweetheart? Tony and I are actually, Tony and I are actually sorting out some holiday planning. What date is? you're going to arrive because I'm thinking if Torbs is coming then maybe yeah I might find out if he can get leave like just fully debriefed about this thing then we're like we're back on there was a

dispute earlier in the year because I just assumed Mabel and Bridgett were coming and you were like oh yeah and then once I decided that they were coming I just assumed that it meant all extended family yeah that's so funny will you have a husband by then I'll have a husband by then yeah and you're gonna leave him behind yeah no that's horrible Do you want to come? Could you work from there? No, time zones are not right. Can't work from there?

Oh, the internet. Yeah, no, that's fair. Charles, can you fix that? I can give you some Starlink? Yeah. Yeah, it's just $6 a minute. If you want to link in. Payable to Charles Patterson's production.

But we, yeah, so we've been in London for a bit now and we're fucking loving it. Yep. And it has been the sunny time of year. And as we all know, Charles has the worst sunglasses. on earth and unfortunately they were left behind in Melbourne unfortunately. Oh no. Yesterday Charles and I face-timed for about 35 minutes while he was in a Rayban store. Were you on the, I didn't realize, because I saw some photos coming through the group

chat. Also, I know what kind of zone she was in yesterday afternoon. Was she much help? Or were you in? By this point, yes. Okay. I'd swipe it up a bit. I'd been in the car.

Oh, okay. But not driving in the back. In the very back. Although maybe that's a good thing because you were just like, fucking get it, son. Yeah. So how did it end up? I had a vision and the vision came through tenfold.

Because Charles has traditionally been an aviator man. He's an aviator man and they're the worst. They're not. They are. But we have cooked to death on these sunglasses. Charles, can you take your headphones off so we get the full effect? Yeah. And they have maybe as well.

So everybody watching on YouTube, you're about to get a fucking porno for free. Oh shit I thought you were going to get the You ate with those chiles That is the best glass ever I thought you were going to get the biggest square ones Like half down Oh oh

Okay But like I think you just need to wear them a little Yes sleigh Slay town Because the ones I saw were the big square And I said take those off Before I kill you Aren't they the best glasses

You've ever seen You look so fucking trendy it is unbelievable. You're the second hottest person I've seen in sunglasses and I'm going to show everyone the first. Oh. And they're a supermodel and that's the calibar.

Who? Oh, it's going to, you know, it's really hard to find stuff on TikTok because you don't follow anyone and it just kind of comes up. Oh, yeah. What on earth could her name be? I mean, I've got time to wait.

If I type in sunglasses. Do you know what we, as you look for that, Something that came up yesterday is that I feel so fierce in sunglasses. Yeah. I love them. And when you wear, you know, your like tinted glasses that you wear, like those, I just, I just think you look so good and you get like this swagger when you wear. Like that sunglasses just bring out the best in everyone.

And I, that's a hot take. Like truly I believe that sunglasses bring out the best in every single person. Why don't glasses have the same feeling? As like why don't my seeing glasses make me feel fierce, but sunglasses I'm like, ah? Uh, okay. Do you know what I'm saying? I do. And I, and this is, this is going to sound addie, but it's not.

This is a pump up. Mm. Similar to the passport personality. Yeah. It's like you need to decide. As in you put your reading glasses on and you just go, fuck yeah. Because I feel like such a fucking loser that I have to wear glasses But whenever I wear sunglasses, I'm just like

Because you know you look good in the sunglasses. Yeah. So maybe somehow you need to know that you look good in the reading glasses And whether that's just like... Is that possible? I think it's like it comes from in here for those listening. I'm pointing to the heart. Do you think that's what I need to adopt?

Well... Like your mom adopted you? Yeah. I'm just like a cool pair of sunglasses. You are like a cool pair of sunglasses Have you found the person? Yeah, and I actually Do you want to hear something

Fucking crazy about TikTok algorithm? Always. I just typed in Is this coincidence chat? No, I just typed it Because she was dancing to Eminem And she has cool glasses I know the chick you're talking about

Bullshit I'm not fucking ya Long blonde hair No Oh I've watched this video Wait The drop

Yes Charles, that's you. Charles, watch this. Wait for it. Oh, shit. So smooth. So. I've watched that video and it's amazing.

She looks to be like Georgie Parker, don't you reckon? She does. Not the actress. The athlete. I typed in Eminem. Yep. Sunglasses. And the algorithm just served that right the fuck up on a platter.

Maybe. I hardly know her. Do you have like that one pair of glasses that you wear every day? These ones? Yeah. Yeah. Now, I don't know if I've got the... Are we over these?

Is this the problem? Oh, but maybe it's like, because when we put our sunglasses on, it means we're going outside and we're doing something or whatever, right? Oh, yeah. So like, this environment is suggesting fun. But maybe if you had two pairs of glasses and it's almost like, you know, oh, these are the fun ones. And I just chose fun.

Yeah. You're like, oh, I'm going out for dinner tonight. So I'm going to put my fun glasses on and it's almost like your body knows. Oh, I've got the fun glasses on. How do you feel about a statement pair of like seeing glasses? I'm going to ask you a question and it's going to make no sense really, but it's going to make all of the sense. My mum. Your mom, I knew that this is where it was going.

Is my mum. Yeah. And she wears a statement pair of glasses two at a time sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. And isn't she always on one? She. She's on something.

Yeah. Yeah. Love her. Love her. Up and about. Yeah. Happy to be there. Up and about.

Bright red glass. Sometimes a green glass. Yeah. And a red lip. And she's off she goes. She does fuck with colour. I would say my mum spiritually is wearing sunglasses all the time. And that could not be a bigger compliment.

No. And she's just chosen that. And what I'm saying is, I've grown up around that. I know it's. possible. You do. I saw you yesterday living your best life. I saw you the day before really giving it a crack.

I've seen the good sight. Yeah, yeah. There's no, like there's not a bad type, but there's just like, I've seen you enjoying yourself. I just know how I feel. Yeah. And I go, oh, don't you wish that she was 24-7? 365.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I just need to choose. So I just need to decide these are more fierce. Yeah. Yeah. Or Charles nodding.

Yeah. Because I think that we just all need to feel as good as Charles looks in his new sunglasses. Like, Jenya, I'm not fucking young. I think they look so good. Can Ryan try them on? What if the sunglasses were made? You be careful with those. We went to lengths to find those.

What if the sunglasses was the same pattern as the horse photo? I need the horse sunglasses. Here we go. It's a big, you know. for me because I've always been like a big sunny line. And these are a bit more narrow. So it's quite visual for those. They look really good.

I don't know if I fuck with this. I think it's a Gen Z thing. No, but they look really good. Let me look in the mirror. It's just one there, yeah. I think they... I don't hate that. I think they look really good.

I don't hate that. Charles, can I try? It'd be a shame for you to not look good in these. I know. After, like two out of three. They're not your prescription. They aren't. So I'm not going to be able to say.

see you guys but oh fuck me right up yes is that good the crowd says yes and let me take a photo and then you can put your glasses on and then see and then see it hang on i'll do a cool face i don't have one all right now put your sunglasses back hang on changing the back the taylor suit hat okay what i'm going to say is they're not they feel nice on the face if you walked into the e5 bakery down the road yeah it's like the line's so long but I get what you're saying. And you saw this girl sitting there laughing having a nice latte. What would your first impression of this girl be?

I want to fuck her. I would be like live laugh latte, eat my pussy. Are they saying? They're not putting that on posters? Nah, it's a shame. Give those back to Charles before I co-opt them and just commit to being blind for the rest of the day. I was going to send this to Bridget.

Yeah, they're a good glass for you. You just need to bring them down your face. a little bit. Just a touch. Yeah. I don't know what it is with boys putting glasses on and fucking shoving them into their brain. Torp's does it too.

Put them on and then they end up on the back of your fucking head. It's too close. But it's the way that, because otherwise you get too much of like the sun coming in the air. Oh, yeah. And you look better. Beauty is pain, guys. It's a practical use.

Maybe we don't have beauty is pain thrusted upon us by fashion magazines from the 90s. to destroy our mental health. Women do. We're getting waxed and lazled and tripped and trapped and we deal with the glasses looking better further down. That's the fucking patriarchy. That's what it is.

Okay. Though I do have something to say about the house because we've been living together. And Ryan, I know that you're sending a selfie of yourself in those glasses, but... Sorry, I've seen myself in those glasses and I actually don't care about anything else. Your third big toes, like, well. Jealous. I've just sent those to Bridget for approval. Yeah, I like, yeah.

Well, so we're all buying those glasses. Guess who's riding their bike haphazardly down to the Rayban store today? I'm going to have to just contact an OPSM in Australia and see if they can put my prescription in them. Where was it down West End? Down the West End. So, what, a 40 minute bike ride from here? We could get you a pair of those glasses closer to here. Yeah, it was because it was late at night.

But I want to go cruising. Oh, but. But like you'd be able to get them closer. Or is you riding bikes in a foreign land? So are we pushing out like that? No, I actually love riding the bike here. It's more just that I get confused about the directions. The directions.

Places don't go, places here. You think you're on a road going somewhere. Then the road just curves to the left and you go, well, I guess I'm not heading that way. Yeah, I guess is what I'm doing. But I think if we were riding in a pack, I'd be okay. Because if someone was leading, I could just follow. Sure. Yeah.

I love the wind in my pubic hair, you know. Same. It's beautiful. How are you riding? Huh? What? I just, I saw something in the house the other day and I really just need to ask you about it because, and I might have this wrong and this is me giving you an opportunity to like redeem yourself, I guess.

Defend myself maybe? Yeah. I'm really nervous. I don't know what it is. I'm embarrassed. No, no, no, no. You don't need to be embarrassed. But it is a huge issue.

Is it an iced coffee in the freezer? Nah, you do that all the time. I'm like numb to that now. But what would you say is the correct piece of bread to take out of a loaf? Like say you opened a new loaf of bread. There's a correct piece to take. I had the pig of the litter. There's a correct piece to take.

What would be your piece of bread you would take out? So it's a fresh loaf? Fresh loaf. And it's already sliced? Already sliced. Yeah, yeah, this is important. Already sliced. And you're grabbing a piece out to pop in the toaster.

The other morning, I cooked myself eggs and spinach on the pan. And I was like, I want a really big bit of sourdough with some delicious butter that we've got up there on the bench. And I reckon in that circumstance, I'm like, I just want the biggest piece possible. So you go to the middle. Yeah. Okay. Because I'm... Or I took an end as a sample.

Because sometimes I'll take the... middle and that's toasting and I go, oh, I could just take that little end, like the little nugget on the end and just like a little butter on that. I can eat that while the eggs are cooking. One of the things you've just said is the correct answer and one is incorrect. Eating the end of bread is repulsive. The end piece of bread. Charles, what days are today? Because I feel like I'm being taken hot. I saw you. Yeah. the end piece of bread and eat it. Did you...

Disgusting! Even though... The end piece of bread lives to protect the rest of the bread. And for anybody playing along at home, the correct piece of bread to take first is the third one. Because you don't want the end. The second one's a little bit still endy. The third one is always one that you should take. There is two sacrificial lambs in a loaf of bread.

And then, from then, you still always take the third piece. Oh so you just keep third until you get to the other... Keep third and two you get to the last three. And so then you're left with four. Yes. And then you probably moved on to a new life. And then you go see ya. Did I, when you observe this,

eat the end bit the exact way I described it? Yeah. Like as I was waiting for the other one. And because you reached into the middle and I went, well, obviously. Yeah. And I've gone, oh, that is brotherhood right there. Like, I'll cop that.

Like, of course, that's what you've done. And I, in fact, I didn't even think about it again. Then I see you reach back in. I go two pieces of time. King, yes. Yeah. And then you just picked out the first bit and I went, whoa. You can't be first and admitted.

Do you want me to tell you, this is sort of embarrassing and terrible maths. In my brain, I've gone, I'm not supposed to have too much gluten, but apparently like sour dough, like a little bit of sourdough, like a little bit of sourdough is actually fine. Yeah. So I've gone, I'll only have one piece. And then my brain's gone, okay, well, if I can only have one, I might as well get the middle one, which ironically is probably two of the third. Yeah.

So like, I might as well have just had the two. I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm a lady. I'm like, I'm not going to eat too much. I'm, you know, trying to like keep an eye on the weight as well. So I'm like, I'm just going to have one and not two. But you just don't want to shoot yourself. Yeah.

Yeah, but I've like, I've taken the biggest one because in my brain, I'm like, well, just having one. And then after all that rationale of just having one, I then have another bit. Yeah. But then you have the end. I'm like, why don't I just get two bits to start with and who am I trying to kid? And but also if you wanted to enjoy some bread, you're going at it from the completely wrong direction. No, I love the end and because I hate, I think I've told you, but you might not know the extent, and this is going to sound crazy at first.

I'm going to have to defend this as well. I hate wasting food. And the irony is that we've got a fridge full of off food that we're about to throw out. But the original thought is, no, no, no, let's keep it because I'll eat that because I hate to waste it. Yeah. So the intentions at first are good, but then it's just dumb at the back end anyway. Yeah. And so for me, not eating the end is like, who the fuck are we to think we are?

Like, it's almost like a weird, like, nah, no, no, you wouldn't waste that. Which I get. But the crunchy bit on its own with a little bit of butter while you're waiting. It's a little snacky while the toaster's down. No. Because it's real, because it's all crust. Nah. Which is the worst part.

Oh, it's crunchy and delicious. Nah. No, terrible. Put hairs on your chest. Look at this chest. No, don't they say if you eat the crust, that it makes your head curts. I think that's the thing. Well, that can't be true.

Well, I've seen your pubs. It is as true as I guess. So I just, yeah, wanted to debunk. So any other notes for me in the house? You did also ask me if I had any nail clippers because you wanted to borrow them. And you didn't? I didn't have any. And I said, and even if I did, I don't think I would lend them to you.

Which is weird because I would borrow someone else's, but I wouldn't let someone borrow my. That is weird. Toneals, diamond dot. If we went around the room and just like, that would be who gives a shit. Where do you think is the right place to trim your toenails?

We have this argument at home and the answer is wherever I'm doing it is not the right place. Whatever time or place I'm doing it is the wrong time or the wrong place. I was driving down St. George Road the other day. Like. already incorrect yeah well just about to um what was the speed limit there um it's 60 at the moment road works um but it's uh was just before the BP and I pulled up like on the left hand side you know how there's a few like townhouses in that little block just there yeah and I saw a guy

sitting on his front step clipping his toenails well I that seems fucked at first but when you think you don't want those clippings inside, you can just like, f-th them off the front thing into the guard and I'll, yeah. But at first, obviously, it's upsetting to see someone doing it. It feels really private. Is it a private thing? Because if he was on the front doorstep on St. George's road, like trim his pubs, you'd be like, well, obviously not.

Yeah, well, you'd be like, that's not okay. But is that where you're like trimming your toenails feels like a not for public view? Yeah, it's not a public situation. See, if I was sitting here, I'd be, I'd happily do it. Oh, no. If you sat there and did that, here I would be like can you go away yeah and I would maybe just like leave yeah and if if you said hey do you want to do it somewhere else I'd be like yeah no problem but it wouldn't

occur to me to like not do that here that's crazy yeah yeah but you got to keep you're different well you got to keep your toes trimmed at all times because you never know when they're going to get sucked off um that's so true yeah and if you've learned anything from this episode yeah and so you know like you just never like when you got when you're single and you're about to head out and you're like well I better have an everything shower because who knows what's going to happen I better shave above the knee yeah yeah Yeah, you know? Because you know, and that's why I'm like, well, I'm not going to pass up this opportunity to cut my toenails in case I end up in a hot tub with Vicky.

Yeah. And I've always said. And you almost did in Sweden. I did. I did. I did. I don't. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So the toenails is a nay. The end of the bread is a nay. Before we started recording, we always have like a two second chat like, I got a confession. I got a thing. Cool, cool, cool. Tony goes, I've got a bunch of stuff since living with you.

What have you got with me? And I went, nothing. You're perfect. I said she goes if you got much stuff for me in the house and I went I've got none and you go cool I've got I'll pick two I've got positive stuff too if you want me to do that this is just for comedy uh no I think you're doing your bins thank you that's great thank you I have been doing that I probably need to do another round but no it's I did take some rubbish down yesterday but it's all you know we're all working together yep yep yep yep um a positive from Tony would be

just vibes I need the sunglasses on bring the vibes no but you are bringing the vibes Thank you so much It's because this The house does it itself I feel I'm about to say something crazy

If we brought the artwork From your lounge room and put it up in here I have thought the same thing It needs a bit more colour for me But you I would love to paint all of these windowsills yellow or blue or something. I think that would be so numb.

Sorry, Charles put the sunglasses back on. I don't know if it's the white. My pussy's so wet. I don't know if it's the white and bright and the light. I think this kind of energy is your spiritual home. I know. And it's bringing the best out of you. I think it is too.

Yeah. Should we live here? Well, Torbs is doing work meetings from here. He did the same face just then. when I said, do you want to come to Fiji? Do you want to come to Fiji? Do you want to move to London? Can I say when you went to a work meeting the other day,

the instructions your colleague gave you? We can cut it out if you don't like. What were the instructions? Let me tell the instructions. Was this from Raj? Yeah, so Torbs had to do a work meeting and then they had the rest of the daylight working together. And Torbs's colleague in the London office goes,

so the goal is to get in and get out and ask to hit the beers immediately. Can that stay in? Yeah. He's like, let's get in there. Let's get it done. Like, let's just get it done. What are you need?

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And then just hit the beers. And didn't they? Torbs came back like a fucking steamed ham. Yeah. Danielle and Lil were like, oh, I heard Tobs is by himself. Tobs, you want to come out for dinner? No, I'm hammered with a work guy I met four hours ago.

And then all I get, all I hear yesterday when you guys are talking about the day after when you guys were talking about it, just like, yeah, we were going to do a three-person thing. but then I was working and I was like, okay, cool. Oh, so that was your end of the story. Yeah, the end that I heard was that Torbs turned down the threesome and then. Yeah, I was out with Raj at a work thing. Yeah. What are you guys true for living?

Oh, we fixed the bottom of the beers. Yeah. Yeah, we checked on all of them and they're okay. Oh, there might be something wrong with the bottom of this Guinness class. Let me just get to the bottom of it and check what I can find out. He split beyond the G. Yeah. That's for sure.

So I feel like Tobs could live here. I feel like he's figured out the work culture. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that is nice. Should we move? I feel like we talk about moving somewhere. Okay, here's Charles. But our latest place we might move is Perth.

Aside from London, but... Well, it's a direct flight. You could do the both. You pretty much, you know. Six in six out. Yeah. Chase Summer. I reckon I'd go eight and four.

Eight in four. Eight in eight out. Wait, eight in four out. Maybe nine and three. Nine in three out. Yeah. Let's do maybe. June, July here.

With a couple of little weekenders down to, you know. Yeah. Europe. Oot and a boot. Yes. Charles? I'm down for that. Should we,

should we actually move? Like, what would be the logistics chat from your end? Well, I'm already here. Yeah, we just stack. We just fly Mabel and Bridget over.

Yeah. Could they bring Pippa and a little carrier or something? They wouldn't mind. And Brun? Yeah. I reckon is there, when you put an animal, under the plane. Yeah.

Is there like business for the animal? I don't think so. Like would Bron and people? I don't think we could put people under our plane. Why not? Like I don't know that. No, because she would, she's like, no. Yeah, she wouldn't.

I'll be doing the caviar, thanks, yeah. Only turns left. She only turns left on the plane. No, I actually, sadly, I don't think, I think she would die if you put her under the plane. No. Yeah, because she's a brach, what's it called brachio phallic? Bracchio, Sally, or whatever. Does that just mean she has to be at the front?

No, because she's got a shorts now. Most, most airlines wouldn't let you put her under. No, that's mean. She has to come up on the top of the human floor. Or fly private. We looked into it. For the ones we love. Yeah.

Well, because there's like somebody, somebody started this thing. I watched a thing on it like on the morning show about it. And this woman was like, yeah, I love traveling with my animal. So I started a jet company. where you can buy a seat on a jet and you fly on a private jet with other people and their dogs and you kind of like split the cost

to get your dog around the world. All I can say is I hope those dogs get along. Like imagine if Bron and another Kelpie got the zoomies on a small six person plane from Melbourne to London. Yeah, it'd be, yeah, it wouldn't be great. Or then barking the whole time or something. Or two that hated each other. Yeah, fuck.

But yeah, so that's actually a thing. And we saw it on the telling me, we were like, oh, lock that away. So when we were at the fancy radio conference the other day, they said, what do you guys talk about on the show? And I said, relatable day-to-day stuff. Yeah. Such as. Getting our pets from A to B, an A-to-B man. Such an everyday relatable stuff.

Example, what kind of private jet will we get for our dogs? Well, we love our children, don't we? Yeah. And we would do anything. Look what we do for Charles. So would me and BJ be on the PJ and then Mabel gets sent commercial? Well, yeah. Yeah.

I think it's just sort of a bit. Or Bridget and BJ on the plane? No. No. No. And Mabel could escort Pippa in the head business. All right. I've got to you love to see it here.

and it's fucking niche and it's the last sentence I thought I would ever read out in London. I mean, you've already talked about get your toes sucked but let's see. This is from Katie Oliver. Hi, Katie Oliver. How do you reckon Katie spells her name

and you're already wrong? K-A-Y-T-I-E. K-A-Y-T-E. Fuck, I was so close. I was like, what's the roguest way I could spell Katie? This is a sentence never been said in the UK before. UK, huh?

I'm an American and I just, learned about the nutbush just discovered the nutbush dance you australians are legends love to see it it is fun i don't know it i don't think anyone does and that's half of the fun is it but when you go at the pub or a wedding everyone else seems to know everyone else knows it but i just feel like i didn't learn it same as eagle rock people seem to know that song is there a dance well all the guys will pull their pants down and when you don't see that yeah and when you don't know that's a thing and you go, what the fuck is about to happen? I've never seen that.

Have you got to see that? I was like, I didn't realize this wedding was an orgy and everyone goes, nah. Is that an Eastern States thing? I didn't really know about either. I've never seen that in W.A. I think you're either from one of those families or you're not. Oh, then I don't think I was. Yeah.

Yeah. But everyone takes their pants down for the Eagle Rock. I've never seen that. That's amazing. And Cruz is around the dance floor with their pants around their ankles and it's just like. Sure. Do it. Eagle Rock.

B. B. B. Oh, it's a wedding thing. Yeah. Yeah, look at them. See all their pants down. That is crazy.

Wouldn't be an Australian wedding without dropping the eagle or the eagle drop. The eagle drop. That's funny. I've got to love to. You're right. That was very niche. Yeah. An American discovering a weird Australian thing in the UK.

Yeah. This is also kind of niche, but it sounds really fun. the game that she talks about, I want to play it. Charlotte Rivers Kennedy, save some fucking names for the rest of us. Good on your, Charlotte. Hello there, long-time listener and Loka. Just wanted to tell you that me and my little sister are playing Hughes and Clues, which is a game where, like, is this, the board is a spectrum of, like, heaps and

heaps of colors. Yep. And if you put your token on a thing, sorry, someone is thinking of which color it is, and it's got like a hex code or whatever. And you can only give a clue as to what color it is. And they have to see if they can get the right one. Oh, so they'll point to one and you go, mm, bit bluer. No, you're thinking.

And say if I went like, oh, prawn pink and then you would go, oh, is it this pink? And they go, nah. So you don't have any. So Charlotte's sister said tarp yellow. And they got it straight away. That's amazing. Because it's like a spectrum of like all the yellows and all the reds and whatever.

So you can't just go like red because there's 20 reds or whatever. I've got a question for all of us and it's very important. Question. Is tarp yellow actually a tarp mustard? Well, I'm looking at a colour on this couch. That would be the closer. Yeah. And if that's the same as mustard, hey.

Yeah. Because I saw something. Especially next to that foul neon yellow. that's not in the right on that brown no yucky nucky or this yellow that's all that's all that was talking about they're the same pillow coincidence I thought you were just looking yeah oh no what did you think I was talking about I just thought like the the bright and the neon blue here next to the thing I said yellow

yeah I said that foul yellow yeah yeah not good but colors okay I saw something the other day maybe it was even like a AS color because you know how they've got like 60 different colors. Oh yeah. Forest green, moss green. Yeah. And then one of them. There's two.

I saw like a tarp looking yellow and that was called mustard. And I kind of went, yeah, kind of is. Sometimes they throw a gold, but I don't think it's gold. Yeah. Yeah. But type yellow and got it first shot. So. Should we play that game?

That sounds fun. Yeah. I think it sounds so fun. Charles, can you order us hues and clues? Yeah. And we'll do it for a Patreon. A live stream. Yep.

Live stream. That would be so fun. Oh, my love to see it is playing imposter in a pub. No, we talked about it. We didn't do it. We played around in the restaurant. Yeah. Did we?

Yeah. We did. Because we talked about playing with Penny. Yeah, no. Did we play it in the restaurant? Yeah. How was that? Well, it was good for everyone except Meggs and Tommy, who outed themselves as imposter early.

Again, Tommy. Oh, fuck, man. I swear on my pussy. I do not remember playing that. You don't need to swear. We all believe it. That's crazy. I,

my strategy with imposter is I'm actually never the imposter. Do you know what is frustrating is that you're really, when you are the imposter though, you get me. And I'm just on your side. I am so right or die for you that you'll do some rogue fucking word. And I just go, I get it.

Like I just want to back you in so bad. Yeah. And it gets me. My emotions get in the way. Yeah. When you play imposter, do you play with your head or your heart? I'm playing with my heart like a fool. I think you play with your heart at all times in everything in life.

I do. Yeah. It's why I always get, like, sucked into stuff. Yeah. I think I need to leave imposter in the game. Because the thing for me is that I go, oh, I don't want you to think I'm being a bitch. No. Be a bitch.

But if we just all decide to leave imposter in the game. But it is my favourite thing that we've adopted as a crew. Yeah, it's fun. I like it. I like it too. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back tomorrow. Some tarfas have sent through this for tomorrow's episode.

The pettiest thing they've done in a breakup. So, and this is the energy I want everyone to bring to tomorrow's episode. Sunglasses. We're not bad people, but can we just be a bitch for a second? Can I just be a bitch for a second? Because some of these... The best sentence ever. He's like, I know Taifa's a nice people and it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm nice like 99% of the time.

But when I broke up with this cockhead because he was cheating on me, I was a bit of a bitch. Yeah. And you know what? Nah, fair play. We listen and we don't judge. Love you. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.

Bye.