Toni and Ryan - Neighbourhood Bin Drama

Episode Date: January 28, 2024

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge and we are calling Anna who's in Ohio. Hello. Anna! It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Oh my god, hi! I'm good. How are you? We're fine. But what have you been doing? What were you up to? I don't know. I saw a call come in and then I went to pick up my phone and answer. And it just went away. And I freaked out and I tried to DM you guys because I've been so excited for this. And then my DM wouldn't send. So I'm glad you called me back.

Oh, well, I'm glad we got through. Yeah, on the 87th time. Who's counting, though? You played hard to get Anna, but that's okay. Yeah, I kind of Who's counting though? You played hard to get, Anna, but that's okay. Yeah, I kind of like that. I kind of like that. Anna, will you approve today's episode? Yes, I would love to.

Yay! Hey, this is Anna from Cincinnati, Ohio, and I approve this podcast. All right, happy new year, merry new week. What have we got coming up? I've got some niche Melbourne chat. Okay. But I need everyone to stay with me. Okay.

You've got to stay with me. I don't want to say a rare Melbourne topic because they're not rare and we don't say that anymore. We don't say that anymore. Will everyone else around the world give a fuck is what I'm asking. I hope so. And I think that even though it's Melbourne chat, I reckon everyone will go, Tony, I feel you, girl. Okay.

Okay. We'll get to that soon. Best part of living in an apartment? Unlimited getting rid of trashness. The bin. The bin. A couple of big skips downstairs and you can chuck out as much shit as you want. Now you were living what I call the apartment dream up until late last year.

Yeah, RIP. And now you've moved into a house. And I remember you said like, do you have this like thing in your mind where you're like, oh, I feel like everyone at some stage wants to kind of get out of the apartment and to a house. And I was like, no, I love an apartment because I love a big skip. Yeah. I love not giving a fuck when bin day is.

I hate gardening. Yeah. All those things are very good. Yeah. And so how are you finding now that you're in a house with the trash situation? Because you get one little bin that has to last you two weeks. That's what I thought. The one bin lasting you two weeks is just pee-seek on that.

Like, I honestly, when I was a bloody kid, right, we would have two big bins, so one recycling and one, like, garbage. And they were both the big one. And the rubbish would go, the big rubbish would go every week and the recycling would go every second week. Okay. Now what we have at our house, a small garbage bin. They're tiny.

They're like half the size of the big, like it's really small. Ridiculous, yeah. And then a big recycling bin and a big green waste bin. Yep. And so the garbage goes every week, thankfully. Every week? My sister's goes every fortnight, same as yours. I know.

Every second. It's ridiculous. You're living the dream. But it's like the red bin, though, the actual garbage bin, is too small. So you need to put, like, your food scraps in the green waste bin. Yeah. Which for us goes every second week.

So your food scraps are just hanging around for two weeks, stinking. There's an ecosystem building in there, let me tell you. It's a tiny little world. And it stinks because all of our, because you can't fit, if you're doing like food, like when you make a salad, right? There's all the off cuts and stuff. There's all the off cuts and there's like all this stuff. Peels and skins.

And you have to walk past that every day you walk in. Yeah. And it's really annoying because I would actually write, because I'm like, oh, I can make this work, but the green waste sitting there for all that time, it's like, honestly, I feel like an X-Men's going to grow out of it or something. I think this is the origin story of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Actually, I would not be surprised if Pippa accidentally sniffed

and turned into Superdog. It's that crook. I'm worried that she's going to genuinely become powerful. Yeah. Because it's been. Now, do you think, is that why you've been. I shouldn't have to worry about that. No, and you shouldn't. But I've always. Now, do you think, is that why you've been? I shouldn't have to worry about that. No, and you shouldn't.

But I've always said that. The reason you don't need to worry is that, you know how, like, the person who treated the villain really good in their childhood always gets spared? Yeah, that'll be me. So people go on this, like, just murderous. She takes over the world. And then she sees you and goes, you were good to me.

You gave me all that salmon. You get out of here. Then you get out of here and then she goes murdering other people you were good to me. You gave me all that salmon. You get out of here. Then you get out of here. And then she goes murdering other people. She spares me. Yeah. Well, I mean, lucky me. Yeah.

But still, I shouldn't have to worry about Superdog. Yeah, you shouldn't have to worry about Superdog. But they're recycling every two weeks. Because if you get as much soft delivered as I do, every time something comes in an Amazon box or whatever, or, you know, whatever you get. In our day and age, that's the fucking oldest thing I've ever said. In this, in our day and age, people are getting stuff.

Skivity. Yuncha. Gat. These days. Yeah, gat. Skrrt. And I oop. They still saying that.

Did you say alley oop? And I oop. Wasn't that that. Did you say alley oop? And I oop. Wasn't that like a sksksksksksksk? And I oop. Oh, that's gone. Sorry, I'm hearing. Bibbidibbidib. I'm just being informed that that's out.

I feel like we all get stuff delivered all the time, which means we end up with cardboard boxes. And then when you've got a recycling bin the size of a fucking matchbox that gets picked up every three weeks, it's not possible. It's really like I'm happy to recycle and I actually do now. I'm very careful about like splitting up stuff. There are two kinds of people in this world, some who will meticulously cut down boxes and get them all in order

to maximise the amount of box you can get into the plastic fucking recycling bin. And there's what I would like to call punches, where I just put the box on top of the bin and then just like punch it down. And just hope for the best. Yeah. I'm happy to split the trash up, but then when it doesn't come as often, you actually have to sacrifice sometimes you go, I just, it needs to, I need to throw it out. So I had New Year's Eve at my house.

R.I.P. Your bin. Everyone brought around, you know, six to 12 drinks, then like a thing of beers. And you've got all the food. So not only do you have the six beer cans that go into the recycling, there's the little cardboard little holder. Times that by 15 people, a few bottles of wines and stuff. At my house now, there's always a full recycling bin.

Then there's like a big mound of shit. And I'm like, that's next bin's worth. Oh, yep. And then where I'll go. So you're six weeks ahead on bin. I'm actually up to June. You're up to pussy's bow. Excuse me?

Excuse me. I'm actually going to need you to explain that because what the fuck was that? Up to pussy's bow is like full up. Who's pussy? And where's my bow? I think it's like, well, because like on a pussycat, maybe they wear a little bow. So it's like full all the way up.

Later in the week we're doing fuck sayings. And that's at the top of the list. And we will recall this moment. Yeah. But I feel you. Yeah, yeah. Because you've got to. So here's where I'm getting at.

I think that I know what you're about to ask. And I think I know the answer and I just need this to be on the record. Say what the answer is. I think it's okay. Really? That's a very un-Tony answer. Because I did it.

Let me ask the question for the benefit of everyone else in this conversation. What is our stance on putting stuff in your neighbour's bin? Oh, no, don't do that. The build-up. The bin? Oh, no, don't do that. The build-up. The build-up. No, don't do that. What do you do? So we had guests over on New Year's.

And you put them in the bin? The neighbour's bin. The neighbour's bin, yeah. I said, I'm so sorry, but can you take a couple of bags of rubbish home? What? No, that's not. What are you doing? No, no.

They've got their own troubles, mate. I said, guys, this is, like, not okay, but our bin is full to the brim. And you sent them home. Do you mind taking a couple of bags of rubbish home? You didn't. Tony. And they did. The car probably stinks.

From our house to Elwood. That's a long drive. Yeah, it was a long drive. They would want to crack the windows for sure. I reckon that garbage made it to the Preston market and got dumped. Or like a park. You know how at the park they've always got the red bins for people using the barbecues? Toss a bit out of there. Because Bridget doesn't listen

to the podcast. Sometimes I'll get KFC on the way home and I'll stop at a park and dump the rubbish. In the, like, in the communal bin. And you go, yeah, no one will ever know. There's no evidence. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, you guys, I was like, look, our bin is full up,

like full to the brim because we'd had Christmas and stuff. Yeah. And I was like, guys, I'm like, this is like, I'm not being a good host right now. Thanks for acknowledging that because you're not. But you, like, yeah. And I was like, guys, I'm like, this is like, I'm not being a good host right now. Thanks for acknowledging that because you're not. But you, like, would you be out? This is a weird question, but would you mind taking some rubbish? They went, yeah, of course.

The whole point of it. But they probably got in the car and went, what the fuck? What the fuck? The reason you go to someone else's house is to take your trash over there. Yeah. No, so, like, I just. Yeah, that's what we did. That's crazy.

I don't know it's fucked up. Like, please understand. I appreciate that. I think that's one of the worst things a host can do. I agree. I think that if I went to someone's house and they went, they made me a rubbish house. If they said that to you, you'd fucking die.

Well, I'd do it, but I'd be like, oh, do ask. Like, I would be like, sure. You would respond, go, okay. Then you'd get in the car and'd be like, oh, do ask. Like I would be like, sure. You would respond, go, okay. Then you'd get in the car and you'd go, what a fucking asshole. How weird is that? Sort your bin issues out. You piece of trash. Yeah.

Yeah, so that's what I thought you were going to ask. Nice. Thank you. So that's what I thought that you were going to ask. I was like, yeah, I think that's fine. I did it. I would never. No.

Yeah. Well, because I actually asked my sister first. I said, we've got heaps of rubbish. Can I bring it over? Can I bring it over? And she was like, our bin is also full. We have two kids. Yeah, so they're a family of four, but they're like,

our bin goes every fortnight, not every week. Oh, it's a nightmare. Anyway, bin chat. Like, I've got bin chat for days, honestly, because it is uncouth what they're doing to those in the suburbs and the country like me. And I don't know what uncouth means, but I'm sticking to that. No, it sounds good.

Can someone please find out what uncouth means and see if we have to beep all of those times I said uncouth? Yeah. What does it mean? Lacking good manners. Oh! Get a rounder. Get a rounder. Get a rounder.

There's nothing better than that. Now, I know you live in the country, so there's like kilometres between you and the next house. Exactly right. Even though you share a wall. Yeah, it's just a duplex. Just a duplex. Where do you stand on dumping stuff in your neighbour's bin?

I haven't done it and I'm new to the neighborhood. So I feel like I can't. But what do you, but okay. When you say new to the neighborhood, you're implying that you're going to ask them. My thing about people putting things in the bin, I'm actually, I know that this is like a huge point of contention. I think it's fine. It's all going to the same place.

Yeah. Like. So what I do is that. But you've got to do it under the cover of darkness. Yeah. Well, So what I do is that. But you've got to do it under the cover of darkness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's two reasons for that.

Let me go through my train of thought here. Uh-huh. So on bin night, as in like it's picked up earlier the next morning. Yeah. It's the same night as I have uni. So I get home late. Oh. And so the bins are already out, which is A, great because that tells me what bins I

need to put out. Yes. Yeah. Because I don't are already out, which is A, great because that tells me what bins I need to put out. Yes. Yeah. Because I don't know which day is which. I just look at everyone else and go, oh, okay, must be red this week. All good. Well, if everybody jumped off a cliff with their bin,

would you do it? Yeah. Okay. Hopefully get rid of some of that rubbish. So I put my bin out and then I'll go and look at, there's a few near me and I'll walk, like I'll sneak over and I'll open the lid and see if there's much space. Like, is there a room for another bag in their bin?

Now the reason, A, like you said, under the cover of darkness, but B, I figure it's so late in the night and it's getting picked up the next morning. They're not going to put anything else in. Yeah. Because if you put in their bin, there's two days left. They go, well, I need that space for my own trash. Yeah, that would be illegal I think.

Yeah, but you see what I'm saying? Absolutely. I've lived right to the last minute and I go, okay, I can fit one bag over there. And there's no way that they're going to have anything more than maybe a little bag from dinner or something. It gets up, once you put it out at night, I reckon that's the end of it because it gets picked up that early the next day. I'm getting home at like 10. Oh yeah, that late, that's fine. Yeah.

And so then I'll like. Because that's past dinner time. Yeah. And then, you know, like I said, I've got a few, I've got weekly stashes lined up in the garage. So you go, how many pizza boxes can I fit in that bad boy? Hey, hey, hey, hey. No need to out someone in their pizza container.

Nah, but the pizza box, I would say. They don't break down. They don't fold down. They don't. And they're just a little bit too big to fit in the bin. It might just be the worst thing to get because you just can't do anything with them. Can you, hi, hello, Pizza Hut? Yes, it is 1894 when you're still around.

Can I get you to cut that into slices and just put the slices in a bag? I wonder if there is a better way. That sounds terrible. There must be a better way. Imagine opening a new fruit bag and there's just like a bag of slices of pizza. It's been jiggling. What if you could go to the pizza place with a Tupperware container and then pick the pizza up and you just pop it in your Tupperware container?

Oh, and you just cook it yourself? Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to, but yeah, you're right. I bought a pizza stone the other day. We did too. For our barbecue. Barbecue? Yeah.

Not the oven? No, we can do it in the barbecue. Because we've got a big range hood barbecue. Barbecue? Yeah. Not the oven? No, we can do it in the barbecue. So because we've got a big range hood barbecue thing. Got to heat it up though. Yeah, so you heat it up slowly all together. And it's so good. It's a stackable one, so you can do two pizzas at a time in ours. It's sick.

That is sick. We should do a pizza night. We should at both of our houses independently because we've both got our own pizza stones now. And then we don't have to split the trash. No, I'll come over for pizza. I need you to take some rubbish away. All right, here's the deal. If I bring the family around, you can't try and put trash in my car when I leave.

That's fair. Yeah, that is fair. Yeah. And you won't come over anyway, so that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Promise whatever you want, mate. All good, all good. So then I do the late night snooping around.

Yeah, I think that's good. Late at night, it's fine. And you're going to sign off on that? I actually think it's okay because it's like you pay your rates and that's what – so it's not as if it's like, oh, well, you don't pay for it. It's all free. It's not, but it kind of is.

And it's all going to the same place. Yeah. Like it's not as if they get assessed on their amount of rubbish. They go, well, I didn't send that much. You know, you're not paying per weight. You're paying per bin. Let's all be a community about this. Yeah, I agree.

Yeah. Now. How much are you missing me living in an apartment? Because you used to bring quite a lot of rubbish around. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, you just had a bit of a go about me sending the rubbish home with the neighbours. With our visitors. I did used to go, hey, Tony, can I come round to your place

and dump some stuff? Especially when I move. Oh, mate, you're a fucking skip cop. Yeah, we got a lot of cardboard at the moment. You and mine would. My sister did it too. Yeah. And it was like we were moving.

Torbs was handing the keys in that day. And she goes, fuck, before you hand your fob in, can you let me into the garage? Because I've got heaps of stuff from when they'd moved. I was like, yes, bitch. But also what I loved about living in an apartment, or even there's some like units where there's just like a communal bin and someone puts it out or whatever. It's like you don't give a fuck which day is bin day.

I've never, I haven't had to worry about it for basically my whole adult life. Yeah, when the bin's full, I take it downstairs and throw it in the thing. Yeah. Apartment's great, man. Yeah, they are. Apartment's really great. Sorry, I'm stuck on uncouth. Yeah. Hi, this is Anna from Cincinnati, Ohio,

and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over in our Patreon. We post a heap of exclusive content over there. We do live streams. Usually there's often. Usually there's often. Yeah. How often?

Usually often. I don't know. Oh, that sounds like every six days. Yeah. How do you quantify that? Yeah. There's often between the segments chat that doesn't make the podcast that ends up in the Patreon.

And the 15 minute chat we just had about bins in that break will not be one of them. Yeah. It is good stuff, but we'll spare you. We'll spare you the bin chat. But everyone's all revved up. Yeah, we are. Everyone's all revved up. A massive shout out to-

Are you revved up? I'm revved up. I'm so revved up about the beans. I'm going to go home and just look at my bingo, you naughty bean. Sorry. Tony DeLuca, good on you, Tony. Thanks, Tony. Amanda Bacon.

Save them. Amanda Bacon. More like Kevin Bacon. The Big Twig. Big Twig. Justin Collick. Thank you so much, Justin. And Lily Hannon.

Good to chat to you guys. Yep. Also, if you're listening to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Podcasts, wherever you listen, hit the follow button. It helps us in the back end really heaps, and it means that it kind of just tells the app that, oh, you like this show, and so it'll pop up and let you know when there's a new one.

Yeah, and it's, you know, free for you to do. Like it's not as if you've got to, like, sign up. You know when people are like, oh, and if you just like and subscribe, I go, yeah, I've got to log in for that. You don't have to do anything. Tag four of your friends, enter your email. Nah, literally this is what it takes. Done.

And we might get re-signed. Do you reckon that people would have heard that? I hope so. Twice. I've unsubscribed. They might have. I've hit the button twice. Anyway.

I've got some niche Melbourne chat. And I think it's going to be something that people can relate to, but I need you to just stay with me. If you're not in Melbourne, I need you to just stay with me. I'm curious to know if this is going to resonate with the rest of Australia and the rest of the world. It will. What the fuck is the deal with Doncaster?

What the fuck's going on there? I don't think this will resonate with the rest of the world. No, no, no, no. Because that Doncaster Westfield. Oh, the shopping centre in particular? The Westfield in particular. Not the suburb as a whole? Not the suburb.

The suburb, I'm sure, is fine. Just don't bad mouth it because it is great because it's got one of the great pancake parlours in this town. That's fine. But what the fuck is the deal with the Doncaster Westfield? You tell me, mate. I like to consider myself a Melburnian. I was not born here. You didn't live here for the majority of your life when you were born here?

Yeah, sure. Nah, you can consider yourself a Melburnian. But don't be nasty. Don't gatekeep Melbourne from me. I'm here. Yeah, sure. Nah, you can continue. But I have. Don't be nasty. Don't gatekeep Melbourne from me. I'm here. I pay taxes. Do you? Yeah.

Didn't you text me at 11 o'clock the other night going, do we put stuff into retirement? No, I said, do I pay superannuation? And it was because of a 401k joke. So yeah. Okay. Anyway. So. Have you ever been to the MCJ?

No. Do you follow a football team? No, because I just like to watch. Okay. And because, do you know, actually, when I moved here, every time I tried to follow a football team. Everyone was keeping them from you. Everyone was nasty about it.

So, like, I was like, oh, like, I live in Richmond, so I think I'll follow the Tigers. They go, oh, I hate people like you. And I'm like, oh, okay. Tony. Yeah. I would like to welcome you to the Hawthorne Football Club. Really?

It's the family club and you are family to me. And I'd like to welcome you in and we can go to a game together. And then often on Sundays, it's my day to look after Mabel. Yep. So you can come around and we'll have wings and we'll watch the game together. See, actually, I love that because every time I've tried to like follow a team, people have been like, oh, I hate bandwagoners. But then if I say I don't follow a team, everyone goes,

so you're not a real fucking Victorian. You're a Hawthorne girl now. You are a Hawthorne girl. And I love the golden brown. The golden brown. And they've sent, the Hawthorne Football Club have sent Mabel like a baby membership and she's got a little jumper and stuff. Yeah, they reach out.

They're lovely. And remember I got offered that job there? Oh, yeah. But then with the baby it was a bit like, oh, I can't commit to doing it. But we love the Hawks. I'm a Hawks girl. We're a Hawks podcast. Yeah, and, you know, I think this will help is that Hawthorne

isn't going great at the moment. So when they do do well, you're like, no, no, no. I've been here through the rough times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Back to Doncaster though. Doncaster.

Go fuck yourself. Now, is it parking? Is it the shops? Is it the people? Is it the rip-off Adidas pants? What is it? Oh, my gosh. About Doncaster.

Okay. So rewind back to me saying I do consider myself a Melburnian. I know that I haven't lived here my whole life. My mum was born in Perth but grew up in Melbourne. My mum was born at Doncaster Shopping Town. It was a whole thing. It was in the paper, Doncaster Times. I thought that's what you were going to say.

So I've got like a birthright because my mum was born there. Have I inherited this shopping centre? So my mum was born in Perth, right, but grew up in Melbourne. So when I moved to Melbourne, I like really felt like, oh, she's been here and lived here. Like it made me feel like super connected. Oh, your mum was from here. You go for the Hawks.

You are a Melbourne girl. I'm a Hawks girl. I live out in the country now. So I've seen the city. I've seen the country. But I cannot crack the code of the Doncaster Westfield. What is going on? Okay.

So I've been there a few times. Actually, look, I've tried. There's not a lot I won't try, but I've tried and I can't crack it. What can't you crack about it? I've got some stats here, right, to really, like, put people in the mind of what the Doncaster Westfield's like. Please. The Doncaster Westfield is actually the first Westfield introduced into Australia.

So it's longstanding Westfield, you know, veins and roots in the Doncaster Westfield. It is the ninth biggest shopping centre in Australia. Really? It is fucking huge. Yeah. There's four floors. Is there? Yeah.

After they remodeled it in 2021. Is this an ad for Westview? It sounded aggressive. Now it sounds like an ad. No, no, no. There's four floors, right? So there's like all the shops and then there's like a big food eating city. Of course.

At the top when they've got like the cinema and I think there's probably a, you know how every shopping center has a bowling alley now? Like a strike bowling alley. Yeah. And then down in the basement, there's like a Toys R Us or a- A Baby Bunting. Baby Bunting. Yeah.

Heaven forbid I get those two wrong, yeah. And it says here- A two-storey Rebel Sport. In the stats that I've recovered that there's 5,397 parking spots. Where? Where the fuck are they? I don't know. I haven't seen them. and 97 parking spots. Where? Where the fuck are they? I don't know.

I haven't seen them. I couldn't tell you the last time I tried to fucking hide 5,500 things. Yeah, it's hard. If I tried to hide 5,500 anything, I wouldn't be successful. So where are they keeping the parking spots? I don't know. I can't find them. Yeah.

I – Yeah. And am I missing something? Are you born with the knowledge of the Doncaster Westfield when you're born here? Is it something that when you're born in the Doncaster fucking hospital that they put into your blood and you know all about it? Is it a microchip that someone hasn't put into my fucking brain?

Because I'm actually quite a smart girl. I'm actually like pretty onto it and quite well read. I like to think that I have pretty good comprehension skills, but I can't figure out the fucking Doncaster Westfield. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Well, I'll tell you what. But it can't just be me. It's not.

It's not. Bridget went there half an hour before the shops opened because she goes, I'm going to get there and the car park's going to be fucked. Yep. It was full. What are the 5,326,000 people doing? Sleeping there. Because the cars.

It was not even open yet. How the fuck can the car park be full already? How's it full? You can't even get in yet. You can't even get in yet. You can't even get in yet. The other thing that I don't understand, right, is that like when you drive in there, it's not as if all of them are just full. I can't even find the kinds of things.

I actually can't even find where the parks are because there's one entrance that takes you down to the Coles. There's like six spots there and they're all 90 minutes. Then when you go around to the Baby Bunting, it's like all parents with prams. They're like, okay, well, they're all full anyway, but I can't park there. Then you do a little wraparound.

There's about 300 spots that have been taken up by one of those car wash places. Car washers have a lot to answer for. They're taking up prime real estate. I'm not sure about it and I don't know where I stand with a car wash place in a shopping centre because you go past all these spots and the lights are still green.

Yeah. So the display is like there's 300 spots available. I go, no, there's not because that's where the car wash is. So one day I thought I'd hacked the system. I was like. Tell me. What was it? But this story doesn't end well.

Oh, I don't want to hear it. Because I thought I was playing the system, but it turned out the system was playing me. I think that's Doncaster's fucking MO is to just gaslight people. It's like a cult or like a reality fucking show, and they drive in there and they go, oh, yeah, free parking, because we're using this as entertainment. And you just know they're all bitten.

I'd be all the janitors and all the cleaners and stuff. They're down bitten, and they're going, oh, that black out, he's not going to get a fucking spot. Yeah, not today, mate. Nope. And I bet you they've got a little lottery going and they fucking, that's what they use for their little parties. So the only place free that I thought was, oh, there's a free spot?

No, it's the fucking car wash. So I went, you know what? I'll get my car washed because that's the only way I'm going to get a car parked in this town is if I park it in the car wash and pay $10 million for my car to be washed. All right. I take it back. It's not the janitors. It's the car.

That's what they want. You know what he said to me? Big car wash. Big car wash. You know what the guy said to me? What? Did you book online? And I go, no.

And he goes, we're full. No, you're not. There's 900 spots here that I can see are empty. So I'm, like, at the Doncaster fucking Westfield the other day. This is the third time I've tried to go there, right? And this is the third time this has happened. I'm driving around. I'm like, okay, I'm going to get it this time.

Just be patient. Like I'll find a spot. I still can't find the secret entrance where there's actually parking spots apparently. I'm driving around. And you know when you like are driving around a car park and you can see other people getting a bit frosty as well? And so.

For those new to the pod, Tony is the frostiest and is the most zero to 100 but like when i know that i'm kind of i'm getting into a triggering for me situation i kind of like know that i just need to like cool myself down pop the aircon right on yep because i don't get hot and i don't get over it so i'm doing all of these things i'm like oh this is fine we're all fine i love the don't cast a westfield and i driving around and I'm seeing everybody else just getting like more and more fucked off. And because you just like you turn left so many times

and you end up up. You know, like it's so tight. There's people with like a big Range Rover and you go, I love that you're so rich that you've got a Range Rover, but get the fuck out of my way. And so I'm turning and I'm going up and I'm like calming myself down, Tom's in the car, and I was like, fuck, this place is such a pain in the ass. He goes, yeah, but like all good.

And all of a sudden I hear a commotion. And I look in my rear view mirror and these two people, they did happen to be in Range Rovers, they're beeping at each other. They've both put their indicator on to go into the same spot. And it's not like, oh, I'll just get the next one because there is no next one. There is no next one. It's like you either park there or you die.

Yeah. They're options. Or you drive home and you do your shopping online like a fucking real person. Yeah. Anyway, and so I'm like, oh, there's a bit of biff going on there. Someone gets out of their car. No.

I know. Russell Crowe in that movie where he's got road rage. Yeah. Don't know what it's called. Or real life. Yeah. No, that's Mel Gibson. That's the phone.

Oh, put the phone down, Russell. That is Russell Crowe. Yeah. Okay, sorry. That's a joke from Gavin Kim. Anyway, and so they're having a bit of biff, and we're like on the top level, and so most other people have like either not gotten that high and they've already

found a spot or whatever. And I'm like, I'm not real good with distances, but like close enough to see them because we're in the same row, but not close enough to hear them. There's no one behind me and there's just these two cars having a biff. I see one guy get out of the car. The other car, the guy was driving and their wife was in the passenger seat and they had a baby in the back.

This guy gets out, starts biffing on and the woman gets out of the car and pulls the baby out of the car. She's like, fuck this, I'm out. And she just starts walking over to think, like leave her husband to like fend for herself with, fend for himself with this guy. I thought she was going to pull the baby out and be like, I've got a baby. Well, I kind of thought like, why wouldn't you be like, look, we just wanted to get this spot because we just need to get in,

we need to get out, whatever. Anyway, I realised that I can't hear what's going on. I roll my windows down and still can't hear. I put my car in reverse. Yeah, get as close as you can. Because I need to know what's going on. What is the yada yada of this situation? Yeah, and anyway, they're biffing on so much that they're having this big old convo.

It's two big cars and they're blocking other people getting in. Meanwhile, this other person has driven off. The spot's empty. And I said, no, no. I mean, you know, to stop two kids arguing over a toy, you take the toy away. Do I reverse on into this park like Batman, tell them to fuck off, and then I just walk into the shopping centre. And so I'm sitting there and I said to Tobs,

should I just pull in there? And he goes, you can't. That's crazy talk. He goes, you can't. You can't do that. That's fucking wild shit. And we start, you know, starting to have sex. It's so intense.

No, it's so hot in the car. Are your palms sweaty at this stage? And I'm like, I reckon I can just reverse in there and they probably wouldn't even. Like they are just going hammer and tong at each other. They're busy telling each other what's up. And I go, I'm just going to reverse in there and talk to them. And I didn't.

And then I drove home. Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't get a spot. Yeah. So fuck you, Doncaster Westfield. Thanks for the entertainment though. But I did get, I did have to pay on the way out.

I was going to say, you've been there so long. Because I had waited so long. The first two hours are free. Yeah. Now you have to pay after 15 minutes unless you've got a receipt or something. Oh, and you'd spent 15 minutes doing laps. Yeah. And then so I didn't have the receipt where you like scan it to get your thing for free.

It was like, anyway, it was like, it was cost like nothing. I just like type my card. Anyway. And I didn't get a spot. I didn't get your thing for free. I was like, anyway, it was like, it was cost like nothing. I just like type my card. Anyway. And I didn't get a spot. I didn't get the thing. And I was like, fuck this. I remember the other day I was like, I had to go to Doncaster. And you went.

NG. Not good. So. Or NA. Like not, I don't know. Not applicable. Yeah. I would love to have a story.

It was like the hot new club. I wasn't allowed in the bounce. It was like bounce the fuck away, man. So it's just not good and I refuse to ever return. Refuse to ever return. If anybody, though, that's listening is available with this very niche Melbourne chat, I'd love to hear your tips. Hang on.

James. Yeah, so I did grow up in the area and I live locally and I can confirm there is a car park entrance that's different to the other ones. It doesn't connect where people don't go as much. Okay, well, don't you fucking share this on here. I wasn't going to say what it is. No, no, no, don't share it because that's going to be my car park now.

What were you saying the other day? You were saying about people gatekeeping shit? Oh, don't do it. Oh, yeah. Except for me being able to go to the Doncaster Westfield. Except for me right now. Yeah. Five and a half thousand spots.

Can't find a single one. No, I wouldn't have thought so. I think they should update the website. Car spots, seven. Zero. Yeah, none. Don't bother. No.

I'll be getting those secret details from you later. Let me do it. You'll love to see it while you can just sit me down for a sec. Thank you. I'm just texting you something. Ooh. Love it when we text. Is this cute or is this fucked?

Jana is a custodian at the local elementary school and had to deal with a Code Brown. Poopies. Yeah, which I guess at a school for young kids probably happens from time to time. Totally, yep. But the little kid left a note. Oh. Have a look.

Okay, it's just come through. Dear Mr. Redacted, I am so, so... Oh. Oh. I am so, so sorry that I pooped in the bathroom floor. I know this is not okay. Oh, sweetheart. You should have written a note like this when you shat in that hairdresser's towel.

I didn't shit into her towel. I shat and then used the towel. But a note probably would have been acceptable in that. And I do like that kid handwriting as well. Like, you know, when a kid writes something and all that's so fucking cute. Oh, it's okay. We all poop on the floor sometimes. We do.

It happens. What's a little bit of shit on the floor between friends? That's what I've always said. That is very cute. Thank you for sharing that. I did love to see that. It was cute. A little bit fucked because, I mean, just maybe shit in the toilet wouldn't be an issue.

But. It's very. And like, you know, when you're young and shit in the toilet wouldn't be an issue. But it's very – and, like, you know when you're young and you're trying to – you don't really know how much time you've got. I still don't know. Yeah, that's a great point, actually. Of all the people to be sympathetic of this, it should be you. I go, no, I've probably got an hour or so. And then I get in the car and go, we need to pull over. Yeah, you've done that to me many times.

That's very sweet. I've also got a love to see it here from our Facebook group. Emily shared this. I'm a PhD student in Oslo, Norway. PhD. I just found out that I've been granted a visa to go for a research stay abroad to Australia. Whoa, welcome. So excited to be escaping the winter where people are legit skiing to work.

That sounds fun until you have to do it. You know, I reckon if you skied to the Doncaster, I reckon that you would get a spot. The ski pole spot's also taken. Always taken, yeah. And the ski car wash. Star ski. Star ski.

Star ski much? Emily says, instead I'll be in the land of Tony and Ryan. It's been my dream to go to Australia. And I'll even be in Perth where I get to experience my first dry heat. Welcome. You're welcome. Especially from Oslo, which I'm guessing is pretty fresh. They're skiing to work.

They're skiing to work. Fun fact, Tony. Fun fact. Norway is. Oh're skiing to work. Fun fact, Tony. Fun fact. Norway is... Oh, there's Norway. You've got a fun fact. Norway is the ninth biggest country for tarp listeners. Really?

Yep. Oh, well, Emily. Thank you, Emily, for contributing to being one of those. Avoid Doncaster. Obviously, you'll be in Perth. Because you are moving from Norway all the way to Doncaster. And go and make sure you take yourself to Dome. Go and get yourself.

An espresso from Dome. Eggs, Benian and espresso. Yeah, okay. Okay. Could we fly to Perth and take Emily to Dome? Sorry, I'm distracted because you've just hit a bingo mark. I should have known! And I'm actually angry that it took this long for me to mention Dome.

No, it was actually the espresso. Specifically. No, I didn't. You fucking led me in there. Yes, you did. I got out of your way. I was going to talk. If I just shut the fuck up for about 20 seconds,

she'll mention an espresso on her own. You know what? I'll cop that because with the bingo that's going on in Patreon, is it a line or the whole sheet? The whole sheet needs to be completed. Cool. That's more fun. Yeah.

Could we take Emily to... To Dome. We could take her to Dome. Yeah, we could do that. Welcome to Australia. We go to Perth, we take Emily to Dome. Yeah, we could do that. Welcome to Australia. We go to Perth, we take Emily to Dome. What will we have when we're there? Water.

Nah, Emily, congratulations. It'd be great to have a PhD. Yeah. And great to see Emily in here, Australia, studying. Yeah, imagine seeing a PhD in that dry heat. Yeah. That's Perth, pretty hot and dry. I pH do. Anyway, you'll have to see that.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm working on my gear. Don't know if you can tell. No, I can tell. Tomorrow we have confessions and actually usually I roll in on a Tuesday and I'm like, here we go. How do you get with ghost chat? Do you get spooked or are you?

I do get spooked because I've told myself I have to let myself believe in like, if I think that my mum is like a ghost, then I have to. If you don't believe in ghosts, then your mum is not. Yeah. Okay. So it is spooky to me. There is a haunted confession tomorrow

oh no alright we'll chat to you then I love you boo