Toni and Ryan - Normal or Nah: Your partner's ☎️

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Do you remember important phone numbers, or rely on your iPhone?! And I have a chicken based apology. Love ya! T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is that Dave? Yes, this is. It is Dave. It's Tony and Ryan calling from Australia. How are you? I'm dying right now. Oh, my God.

Now, we aren't just calling to say hello, and Tony doesn't actually know this yet. We are calling to help you. What are we helping with? Okay, so here's the thing. So you remember that episode where you guys were talking and you're saying, like, you complained about something, like, do you want a solution or do you just need an ear?

Yes, are you emotional or solutions-based right now? Yes. Yeah, yeah. So solutions-based right now? Yes. Yes, yes. So I am emotional right now. I just need someone to talk to. Okay, well, we're here, Dave. And I came up with this because I specifically felt like Tony would be like, fuck off to my boyfriend.

Oh, okay, yeah, all right, yep. So if you have a minute, so i need to preface this with two things this is about my boyfriend he does not listen to the podcast so he will not be okay great good to know um second i am one of those people i don't take naps like when i'm asleep i'm asleep when i'm up i'm up for the entire fucking day. Fair. Yep. Yeah. Okay. So recently my boyfriend and I haven't had very much of an intimate life. Okay. We've been on a bit of a hiatus.

For the better part of like six to nine months. Okay. Okay, right. So I'm like, all right, David, you just have to have the conversation. Like, let's talk about it. Am I doing something? Am I not doing something? Am I tickling your balls too much? Not enough. Like that whole thing. I have that problem all the time. Yeah. And I'm like, Tony, you are. I'm just trying to do a podcast. Yeah.

So then he says to me in so many words, in a very, like, kind of abrupt way, he says, well, we used to have sex in the morning. And I was kind of taken aback. And then I realized, and Tony, Felicia Lange, this is where you get your fuck off cocked and ready to go in a minute. His idea of morning sex was that for a solid five weeks during the pandemic he would wake me up at 4 a.m out of a dead sleep to have the privilege of giving him a blow job and then he'd roll over back to sleep when it was done and I would be up for the rest of the

fucking day I didn't sleep for a week because you don't like you said when you wake up you're awake you don't have an app later I'm fucking up oh so now he has the gall to be mad at you for not doing that anymore at 4 a.m I mean honestly at this point I have a better chance of fucking George Wendell than my fucking boyfriend. I mean, it wouldn't be hard, yeah. No, Dave, you're absolutely right. He can get fucked. That's not, we're not here for that. Thank you, Tony.

Thank you, no, no, no. Schedule. Well, so, Dave, now you've got to tell us, have you reached a solution? Like what did you decide on? Have you met in the middle and you're going to do 10 a.m.? Like what's that? All right, here's what's going to happen.

I've just looked at the time zones. We're going to send Dave's partner, we'll bring him over here to Australia. So when it's 4 a.m. in Australia, it's about 6 p.m. in the U.S. Oh, that's great. I mean, obviously it's hard to suck a dick with the Pacific Ocean in the middle of the two of you. I've always said that.

No, soccer's got a goalie, mate. We were wondering, Dave, if you wouldn't mind approving this podcast so that we can get started. I 1,000% approve this podcast. I love you all. Amazing. Thank you so much for your time, and hopefully we helped with the fuck off to your boyfriend as well.

Hey, this is Davy from Vermont, and I approve this podcast. So today, Tony, you... I thought it was yesterday, but today. Yep, I have an apology. What is... We went out for dinner. The two of us? Yep, an impromptu dinner. The two of us? Yep. An impromptu dinner.

Went to the pub down the road from your place? We did, yeah. It was really nice. And I just have an apology about it. There's just something I really need to bring up. Was it one specific thing that happened between us at dinner? Yep, it was. Just the one specific thing?

One thing happened and we need to talk about it. If I'm guessing what it was, I already know. You know. I discussed it with my partner after. Yeah, I bet. I was like, that'll come up. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Well, we'll get to that in a second. But what have you got here? Normal or nah? And people are liking normal or nah. I love normal or nah. Okay. Normal or nah? I think it's really normal to not know your partner's phone number off by heart.

What? I've got a phone where I can type in B for Bridget. I've got Siri where I can go, hey, Siri, call Bridget. Why on earth would I actually need to know her actual number? You wouldn't, so I don't. You're in a fiery car accident. You don't have access to your phone. Or your phone dies and you're like, hey, I'm so sorry,

can I borrow your phone to call my wife? She said exactly what you said. What if there was a fiery accident? Literally word for word. It's as if you guys hang out with each other. And you know what I would do if there was a fiery accident? Yeah. Call the fucking fire brigade.

No, but they're- Oh, hey, Bridge, you'll never guess what happened. I've got a great story to tell you. Lucky I knew your number. No, but you still need to. There's a car on fire. There's a fiery accident. She'd be like, why are you calling me for?

Call the fire brigade. Oh, just because I knew your number off by heart, I just felt like this was a good time to flex. It's a waste of memory. Do you know the number for the emergency fire people? 911. No. That's not going to help you in Australia.

If you're in the US. And in Australia, it's triple zero. Oh, so you're happy to know their number but not your wife's. Seems weird. Seems weird to me. I think it's quite normal. Nah. Do you remember Torbjorn's number?

Yep. 042. I'll cut that out. Okay. I see how that is. Yeah. Why do you need to know that? I just, I don't know if it's about needing to know it.

I just like, I have a really good memory. I actually just do have a really good memory. Like I know my mum's mobile number, which is obviously not her mobile number anymore. I know my sister's. It's funny that you remember those numbers, but one time you came in here not remembering to wear underwear. know so these things happen this is what i'm getting at don't waste your good memory on shit things you don't need remember them to go hey it's a windy day i'm

wearing a floral dress maybe i'll put some fucking underwear on today that's where i would do that yeah and so the other day i'm filling out a form i don't even know what it was and i'm you know other day I'm filling out a form. I don't even know what it was. And I'm like, you know, name, address, phone number, next of kin. Hey, Bridge, what's your number? And she just looked at me like, we have been together for years. Oh, yeah.

We are married. That would have gotten me up to it. And I'm like, yeah, cool, cool. Yeah, I'm aware that we know each other. If you could just tell me your number, I can punch it into this form. And she's like, how do you not know? And I was in, like, I felt like I was in trouble. And not only was it you're saying nah, she wasn't only against this. It was like I was the villain and I'd done something terrible and I'd wronged her for daring not to remember her number.

So you just don't have any idea what the number is? I'm sure it starts with the no and probably a four at the front. No, but like. If I saw it, I probably wouldn't even recognise it. Are you serious? Yeah. 043. Probably a three there.

Maybe. Oh, my God. And I reckon that's really normal. And I reckon people will support me and say it's true. You don't need to know the number because it's so easy. You just type in B for Bridget. I hear what you're saying. Oh, hang on a second.

Hey, Siri, call Bridget McWife. Do you know the phone number? Was that that hard? She's not going to be happy. Was that that hard? She's not going to be happy. It's so easy to make a call. She's not going to be happy that you're calling.

I don't even need to know her number. She won't answer. She knows we're recording. She wants to be far, far away. Hi, this is Bridget. Leave me a message. What a ship. How dare you?

She's on the line. Love you. I say normal. I get where you're coming from, that it is saved in your phone so you do have it. But in the instance of an emergency, I think it's just better to know that stuff. The same way that... Name an emergency that would actually happen

where you'd actually need a number. No, but your phone is flat. Or say you get kidnapped and you can only reach a phone or something. I don't know. Call the police. They'll need to know. I know who will break into this building and rescue me. James Bond.

The police. No. Bridget. No, but, like, you need to know the number. Is that you kidnapped? Or you're stuck somewhere. You don't have any money. Hey, Bridge, what legal advice would you give me?

I've just been arrested. She's like, why didn't you call a lawyer? I have no idea. No, but she wouldn't say that. I'm a winemaker. No. Nah. I actually really tried to back you in there and said, look,

I get what you're saying, but now I'm just against you because I'm off you. You're off me. Have I done something to piss you off? Normal or nah? Nah. I say normal. I think that it's more normal to know their number.

That's what I say. I don't like this. Yeah, well. I feel like we're fighting. We're not fighting. I know your number. No, you don't. Well, you're just number one in my heart.

Oh, that's quite sweet actually. Thank you. That is actually quite sweet, but it should be your number. No, you don't. Well, you're just number one in my heart. Oh, that's quite sweet, actually. Thank you. That is actually quite sweet, but it should be your wife. Well, how many times can I piss Bridget off in one story? Hi, this is Davey from Vermont, and I am here with Tony and Ryan. Previously on the show, maybe it was even when we were just doing videos before the podcast started, I mentioned that seeing youths or teenagers in malls was terrifying. And it is.

And it is, right? Yes. Something has occurred to me in front of a bunch of high school kids. It was just before high school was about to start, so they're all coming off the bus, getting ready for the day. Looking cool. Looking so cool. Yeah.

I'm terrified of children. That's on tomorrow's show. Okay. But I want to say a quick thank you to our champion tapas. Ali Duckett, thank you so much. Annika, Benji Brown and Charlie Efti, thank you so, so much for your support. Oh, Efti. I absolutely love to say, oh, yeah, Efti, barely know-y.

I don't know. Duckett from China. Ali Duckett, yeah. She messaged the other day and said she was listening to a segment where you were making some sexy noises. Classic, man. And her headphones weren't plugged in properly and she's like, half of China heard.

You could go to jail for that, Tony Lodge. Oh, my. No, can I? Well, they're pretty strict over there, I believe. Oh, okay. All right. Well, I'll rein it in on Ali's behalf. Thank you.

Thanks for letting me know. Thanks. Well, I don't know you and I'm a by heart, but I managed to call you and I'm a by heart, but I managed to call you this week and invited you out to an impromptu dinner. You did. I was on my way home from recording at work for something and I was on the tram on the way home,

went past the pub just around the corner from our house and they had a Parma special for dinner. pub just around the corner from our house and they had a Parma special for dinner. I had had a really long and emotional week already. I just, it was a really long week. Lots had been happening. You were tired. I was really tired and I was worn out and I was like, oh, I got home and I was like,

Torbs, you know what? Like, let's go and get a Parma. Treat yourself. It sounds like fun. Let's just get out of the house. Yeah. I feel you. And I had a pretty busy couple of days. It sounds like fun. Let's just get out of the house. I feel you. And I had a pretty busy couple of days.

So when I said, what are you up to? You said, oh, we're about to go to a pub. You want to come and have fun? Bridget and I looked at each other, oh, same thing. Sounds great. Don't have to cook. We can just relax, talk shit for an hour. That's right.

Sit outside, get some fresh air, enjoy a little pub feed. And I actually reeled you in by saying their palmers are cheap tonight. That's where we're going. It's cheap palma night. Anyway, so we go down there. We trundle down there and they've got one of those like QR code like order at the table things. Yeah. And I start ordering for Torbs and I and I know instantly

like obviously he wants palma so I key up two palmas and a beer or whatever and you guys did the same. Waiter comes over with the food. This is harrowing for everyone. The waiter comes over with the food. He goes, oh, two eggplant parmas. And I went, chicken? And he went, eggplant.

And I quickly checked my phone because I was like, oh, my God, please don't tell me that I've ordered the wrong thing. And what had you ordered? I had ordered the eggplant parmas. Like it was my fault, 100%. It was not the restaurant's fault. So eggplant parmas compared to a chicken parma, it's just not quite the same. No, it was like a baked snail is what it was like.

Okay. I'm biting my tongue, by the way. Eggplant parmas can be good because I make eggplant parma at home, like the layered one in a dish, and it's delicious. But this one, it just wasn't what I wanted. Yeah. I really. You had a hard day.

I'd had a long couple of days. I just really wanted a parma and it came. What happened when it arrived? Instantly I was like, oh, and Torb said, why don't you just reorder chicken parmas? Get them to take this back. We'll pay for them. Like we'll pay for the right thing.

But let's just get organised. This is what you want. Like we'll just, and I was like, don't worry about it. And you said, I've got a chicken palmer on the way. Do you want, I'll have this and you have mine. And I was like, no, don't worry about it. So fine. I get overwhelmed.

Yes. And I just, in my head head broke down because i'm like i really just i wanted to come here have a chicken parma have a beer with my best mates yep and go to bed and go to sleep i did not handle it well but i handled it pretty well i could have really gone off the richter and like fucking cried at the table, but I didn't. I was like, you know what? No, I'll eat this. Your food comes, you offer me a little bit of your chicken. And I was like, you snapped. I snapped. And I went, okay, I'm feeling really bad about, cause I felt really bad for reacting the way that

I did for being upset about the part, just because I was like, oh, I sound like such a brat. And, but I would like to stick up for myself here. I wasn't like, oh, well, I'm not fucking eating that. I was just like, no, it's all good. Like I really tried. Yeah. I really tried. And then I was, when you tried to give me your food, I was like.

I thought I was trying to be nice. No, and you were. I felt bad about that afterwards. I felt bad that like I'd made a big deal about it. And so then when you tried to, I was just like, I feel really random about it. Please stop. And you're to, I was just like, I feel really random about it. Please stop. And you're like, okay, sorry.

And you took the food back and it was fine. We kept eating. And I was just, I was really trying to keep it together. And I was like, you know what? Like, this is fine. I've still got chips. I've got salad. Like we're all chatting.

I ate the eggplant parma, whatever. Tastes like snail I've heard. Tastes like baked snail. Anyway. No offence to baked snail. So the apology comes from wanting to just say sorry for, like, acting like a bit of a child. But what came next was so much worse.

What happened when you got home? I burst into tears. I thought. Yep. I felt at the time I was like. She wants to cry. Tony is not having a great day yep and it wasn't that it wasn't it was just two really long fucking days yep and it was like I don't know if this is mean

to say and I didn't know if we're going to be talking about this like so deeply but it was actually like hard to watch yeah no and because I was really trying to not be an arsehole yeah but you would can I just be really honest? Please. You were trying so hard not to be an arsehole. That I went the wrong way. Like we could have just ordered you a Palmer. Yeah. And here we are five days later. I know.

I know. But I thought when we left, because we all walked home together, I was like, I reckon Tony's going to walk in. Because I've had moments where I'm like, I've just got to get home. I've just got to get home. Shut the door. And then when I get home, I can just collapse on the couch and just let it out. Yeah. So what just got to get home. Shut the door. And then when I get home, I can just collapse on the couch and just let it out.

Yeah. So what happened when you got home? Shut the door. Burst into tears. Oh, Tony. And Torbs was like, mate, like, it's, and I was bawling. And I was like, I just, I just really needed that today. I really need it.

Like, I'm fucking tearing up about thinking about it now. I mean, I'd be tearing up at chicken because that's how I feel about just food in general. I just, I really needed that win. I just needed the chicken parma and I didn't get it. And I really felt like it. And actually through lockdown, I was like, I just really want to go to the pub and have a parma. And this was actually the first time we'd gone to the pub to have a Palmer since Melbourne's opened back up. This was your first one. So I was like, I'd built it up in my mind. To be honest, of course it was going to go wrong

because I was so excited about it. Anyway, I sit down on the couch, burst into tears. Torbs was like, are you being funny? Is this real? And then he goes, okay, no, this is real. You're really upset. And I was like, I know this sounds really silly, but it's not just the Palmer. It's just like everything at once and the palmer was just you

know the straw that broke the camel's back yeah i'm sitting on the couch bawling my eyes out about this fucking chicken parmesan and then i finally calmed myself down yeah i'm sitting on the edge of the couch and torbs is like we need some fresh fresh air. I'm going to open up the door. We just need to like calm down. Do you want me to order you some ice cream? And I was like, no, I actually just, I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm just, I'm fucked. I'm going to sleep this one off.

I just need to go to bed. He opens the door. And a chicken palmer flies in the window. This huge moth flies through the door. Is he carrying a palmer? Flies into my face. I panic and jump back and smash my head on the back of

the couch and like gave myself a fucking concussion. What? What? You've had the worst day. The worst day. The only thing left you needed to do was to get yourself from the couch to your bed which is like three steps away, and you couldn't even do that.

I couldn't even figure that out. So to, you know, add insult to injury, I've smashed all the back and the back of my head. Did you cry again? Well, I was just in shock, and it really, really hurt. And I was like, I just want to go to bed until it was like, well, you can't go to bed because I'm pretty sure you've got a concussion. Yeah, you've got to stay awake.

So he's like, jump in the shower, just like rinse the day off. Yep. We'll pop you into bed. We'll prop you up. We can watch TV in bed. Torb's the sweetheart, isn't he? He's just the best. And I just cried over fried chicken.

So like, I mean, he really could have walked out at this point. And yeah, so I gave myself literally a concussion. The next morning I wake up like I'm all swollen and cooked at the back of the neck. Anyway, all over a chicken parma. So I'm really sorry that you had to witness that. I really tried to cover it up. Well, you don't have to apologise to me.

Wait, I just felt bad because I knew you wanted the chicken parma. Yeah, I did. I did. But went out last night to the pub, had a parma. How was it? It was good. Tasted good. Tasted like victory.

So. I was finally one for the little guys. Are you crying a little bit now? Do you feel better that you've got that out though? I just feel so bad for how I acted because I tried so hard to be cool about it and I'm just not a cool person. I take things hard and I'm not embarrassed to say that. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I feel bad when I feel bad. I feel good when I feel good. And at the time, I just didn't want the snail. I wanted the chicken parma. Question. Question. Did you guys go home and say, what a bitch I am? No, the opposite. Oh, okay. No, we were like, poor Tony. She felt bad about that. Yeah. Did you guys go home and say, what a bitch I am? No.

Oh, okay. No, we were like, poor Tony. She felt bad about that. Yeah. Okay, good. But here's a question because no doubt as we hang out, actually this is not the right music. We'll get back to that.

Oh, all right. When this situation happens again, what can I do to help? Because I, and I know this story is not about me. But I felt helpless because I was like. I just want you to be happy. Yeah, I'm more than happy to have your one, happy to swap. I know. But I just knew you like, you don't want to put me out.

I didn't. You don't want to put the waiter out. No. You don't want to put the chef out. And this is my thing, right? I'm like, it's actually not putting me out at all. The waiter, he just fucking works here. He doesn't actually care.

He's like, hey, mate, I know I clicked the wrong button. Can you just get me a chicken one? I'm just really craving it. He'll go, yeah, no worries, bud. But I wasn't. It was $18. Can I just say as well what a joke it is that an eggplant and a chicken parma is the same price?

That is ridiculous. That is ridiculous. Like if I was a vegetarian, I'd be like, I'm not paying the same price as someone who is carcassing an animal. So I guess my question is sometimes when it's like a solution or what's Torbz's thing? Or are you emotion or solutions based right now? Yeah, because I feel like, oh, there's a couple of pretty easy solutions. But then I was like, I don't feel like you're going to hear that or want to hear that right

And you're right. I didn't want to hear that. I just wanted to cry. So it is. Emotions. Are we doing emotions or strategy? Emotions. Oh, fuck this eggplant. I'm with you, girl. I'm with you. I just felt

so rude as well because I don't like putting people out. You weren't being rude in the slightest. Not 1% rude. Thank you. I'm glad because I've been thinking about it all week. But I'll do it. So just ask for a chicken parlor. I should have just done that. I didn't want to put them out either. I don't care. Oh, okay.

Something you love to see. Yep. In Australia, Australian Football League, they had the draft last week. And whether you're into Australian football or not, every country in the world has their different version of how young kids get into professional sports teams. And it's so exciting to see.

What I've really loved, and we talked about it with the Olympics when they crossed to the parents and they're really proud and stuff like that. One thing I've loved seeing is the bloke who's in high school and he's got like 20 friends around. And not that your friends would be jealous, but they're just so pumped for their friend. And they're all sitting there and it's like, it's so boring to watch. Brisbane Lions with pick six. But they're just so pumped for their friend. Yeah. And they're all sitting there and it's like, it's so boring to watch.

Brisbane Lions with pick six, pick Nathaniel Stevenson. And it's all a bit quiet. And then it cuts to like Nathaniel's house and there's like 20 blokes just like, Steven, yeah! Jumping on him, hugging him. They're all, all his friends are crying. You can barely even see the guy because there's 20 people piled on top. They're just so excited for their friend. They're cheering for him. And to see that, like all those little snippets come out during the week for the Australian Football top. They're just so excited for their friend. They're cheering for him.

And to see that, like all those little snippets come out during the week for the Australian Football League, you're just like, oh, you'll love to see it. You're a good friend like that. Love to see it. And what I love... You're very supportive. This one guy was particularly, not in a bad way,

but he was definitely like a boy's boy, like a lad's. All the lads around. And they said, oh, well, you've just been drafted. You know, training starts in a few weeks. What are you going to do tonight? And you could just see his eyes light up and the boys, you could just tell they're about to drink affinity beers. And then he picks up like a can of Pepsi and he's just like,

oh, just a couple of Pepsis tonight, lads? What do you reckon? And they're all in the background just like winking. And I was like, oh, what a lot. Because usually they're so nervous and stiff, but this guy was just like, oh, just so great. I'm just so pumped. I've been training hard.

So maybe I will have a Pepsi or two tonight before we get stuck in a drink in a few weeks. Oh, that's so lovely. You'll enjoy that Pepsi, mate, and I'm pretty sure you're going to be hung over from all those zero Pepsis and 58 beers to drink tonight. So good on you. My Love To See It was actually submitted by one of the guys from my new work, Tang.

He's a great guy. He's so lovely. And he sent me a message the other day and he said, oh, you love to see it. A hatchback with a couch on the top. Yes. Driving really, really slowly. One lad is driving the car.

Two lads steadying the couch on top of the car. They're sitting in the back seats, like, holding it. Walking alongside the hatchback that's crawling through the back streets as to not disturb traffic. Of course. You love to see it. You love to see that. You love to see it.

Can I also say I just love to see that Tang and other people are just submitting their own You Love To See It. They love it. Yeah. They absolutely love it. And if you've got a You Love To See It, please join our Facebook group, Tony and Ryan Podcast on Facebook. You can submit your You Love To See It.

Your You Love To See It. Meow. Mickey Meowse. You're a dickhead. Shit.