Toni and Ryan - Not Saving Private Ryan

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Ryan named this episode lol love u xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Tony. This is Ryan. And we never, yo, OK. Now I'm feeling good. And we never start an episode of our podcast without a TARPA approval. A TARPA is a Tony and Ryan podcast. Now, Kieran is in Birmingham. Now, what time is it where you are at the moment, Kieran?

It's just gone 2am. 2am. And how did you remember that you had the approval today? So I had to ask my boss if I'd come in a little bit later in the morning. And then when she looked at me and said is everything all right and then realized I had to explain why I needed to do that. And I thought I had an appointment at like 1 40 in the morning she looked at me like I had three heads. I thought I had an appointment at like 1 40 in the morning. She looked at me like I had three heads Is it more would it be more awkward to explain or more awkward to go? Yep Got an appointment at 1 40 a.m. Real power mode and just not no further questions. Yes. Okay. Yeah Well to be fair didn't actually end up explaining that I was a proven podcast

I just said I'll explain more in the morning When I get into day, I'm gonna explain to us morning. Oh, that's true. So when I get in today, I'm gonna explain to a fully bottomed man because we were both a bit busy at the time. Yeah, okay. I think though it makes you sound like a really important like international business person though. A man of mystery.

You go, well, I've actually got a call with Australia. So I'm gonna have to be late tomorrow because I'm talking with our Australian clients or something. Our colleagues on the other side of the world. Yeah, exactly. Well, we appreciate you putting in the effort, Kieran, and staying up late, so thank you so much. And you sound great considering it's almost 2 a.m.,

so that's very good. Tony's either snoring or screaming at this hour, so the fact you can put us ten minutes together is fantastic. But will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely, I will. Awesome. Hey, it's Kieran from Birmingham, and I approve this podcast.

Now we're not going to take this on. We can't take it on. Today's episode is Tuesday. If you're listening to this episode, as soon as it comes out, the webbies are probably happening in the next hour or so. Now? Tomorrow? You've maybe already seen our outfits. No, no, we're heading over there. No. Well, it depends when you listen. But do you know what I mean? Like, but you maybe. You might listen to this episode in three years time and go, I remember when I went to New York and then,

but do you think that that maybe. And then Tony had the twins and you know, all that stuff that happened back in 20, 2025, back in the roaring twenties. I'm not pregnant if that's what anybody's asking. No, I'll be back then. Like, you know. Oh, nah, see, I can't take that on. The roaring twenties. So tomorrow's episode.

But people might have already seen our outfits. You posted in Patreon last week. No, no, no, but they might have seen like the final fit. Oh. Do you know what I mean? We'll go and check it out. Go gas this up. But tomorrow's episode. I hope we win.

Will be recorded straight after the Webbies. Yep. And so are you going to like get on the source? Because I feel like there'll be nerves and stuff beforehand. When do you switch into like game mode? Well. And you'll know the answer tomorrow. I was planning on maybe having a couple of shampoos, you know, when we get there. Yeah.

But then now that I know that I'm accepting the award, I probably won't until, cause otherwise I'll get up there and go, fucking how fucking good is that? To, and how good would that be? To can, and to give the speech, two can Tony. Yeah. And then, but it's actually two can like the bird. I get up there and I just start bleating like a bird. Do you remember when the, that bird did a collab with the ice cream company?

Do you mean like the toucan? Yeah. Do you know the thing I'm talking about? Like a twin pole? Hang on, type in. Or do you mean the toucan that does Froot Loops? Oh maybe I am thinking that. No, this guy! What was that? And yeah and the icy pole was called a toucan. But it was like a twin pole and it had two sticks. Yeah, cause two. Yeah, so true. Is that the same, is he moonlighting as a, and he does cereal as well. He does the icy poles at night.

Are you saying it's the same guy as the Frootloop bird? Is it the same bird? Like how many famous tou consider fruit loop bird the same guy as The toucan who collabed with icy poles. Yeah No toucan Sam The cartoon mascot for fruit loop cereal is not the same character as toucan who was featured in the advertising for the Australian Toucan twin-art stick, Icy Pole. Toucan Sam is a Kellogg's mascot, while the Icy Pole was manufactured

and marketed by Cadbury Sweppes. There's two Toucan. Or as I like to call them, four cans. Or is it a 22 can? I don't know about you. I feel a 22 can. I my can too. I have something to say.

You thought that was the same guy? I think. Shame. So embarrassing. I think we've faked. This is next year's Webby entry. embarrassing. I think we've peaked. I truly don't think that we can ever make anything better than that research we've just performed. You haven't heard tomorrow's episode yet. No, but maybe it doesn't need to be tomorrow's episode because there's just there's nothing else. Where do we stand? You know when people say,

how do you think of things to say all the time? We've just run out. There you go. You've just seen in real time. And hit the end of the list. That's it. So there's two schools of thought in showbiz. Two Cairns schools of thought.

There's two Cairns schools of thought in showbiz. You know how like with suits, like and a lot of American TV shows, they probably went on like a season or two too long. Where's like a lot of athletes, they kind of like, I want to go out on top. I don't want to fade away. I'm like, I'd rather like do my best and go out on a high. Go out on a high. Yeah. Is Toucan Sam. That's a high. Detective Dunn has fucking smashed that out of the park. That was honestly just the most beautiful Googling work I've ever seen. There's a whole Reddit thread.

The FruitLibs mascot bird with the same, oh, there's a scandal about who, where he gets his beak done. Where he gets his beak done? Lies our top confession. The first confession is from Kellogg's. No, it's a toucan tan. I am the same guy. I've been moonlighting.

The toucan takes glasses off. We go. It's him. Remember the other day when I was doing the gear of wearing two pairs of glasses. That's what I imagine. Jason's taking a pair of glasses off. Tony and I were having a serious conversation with an accountant and Tony was wearing two pairs of glasses.

And Ryan was wearing a Kins. And then something shocking happened and Tony went and took off one of the pairs of glasses. That is good physical comedy I fear. Confession. My brother accidentally put the thermometer that we use for my dog's asshole inside my mother's mouth. Thromometer? What's that? that we use for my dog's asshole inside my mother's mouth.

Thromometer? What's that? I was living at home and my dog got really sick and the vet told me to monitor his temperature. We bought a cheap thermometer and yep, we checked her temp the old fashioned back way. What is a thermometer? It takes the temperature. Oh, a thermometer.

What do you call it? A thermometer. That's what I said. Are you being a fuckhead? Say it. Thermometer. Thermometer. Thermometer.

Thir. We're saying the same word. So if you thought about like thermal, which is probably where the whole thing comes from. Say thermal. Thermal. Say thermometer. Thermometer. You're saying thermometer. Yeah. Well, no. Yeah. Thermometer.

It's not as actually not important to the story. Oh, it sounds like it is because it went from the asshole to the mouth. And I'm not talking about your dick. People might not know this at home, but when I'm plowing, Tony, I said, do you want me to pop the thermometer in? Thermometer. Say thermometer. Thermometer.

Yeah! That sounded like I was doing a gag though. Well, it shouldn't because that's the word. Thermometer. Thermometer. Yeah! That sounded like I was doing a gag though. Well, it shouldn't because that's the word. Thermometer. Yeah, well you don't have to go, thermometer. Come on, be classy. We're at the webbies right now. My brother accidentally put the thermo-mit-ant in my dog's arsehole inside my mother's mouth.

I messed up the rest of the words. So the mum basically went ar ass to mouth with the dog. That is graphic. But isn't ass to mouth your ass? Ass to mouth is like someone's mouth on your asshole. No, it's not. Totally, definitely is. No. I've...

I'm Googling ass to mouth. I was going to open Google. What is ass to mouth? I'm not going to askomouth. I was gonna open Google. What is Arstomouth? I'm not gonna ask ChatGBT, cause she'll judge me. (*laughing*) From two cats. What did you say it was? Arstomouth, I said it was

putting your mouth on someone's arsehole. No. Arstomouth is a slang term associated with the porn industry describing anal sex immediately followed by oral sex. So I guess what I said about the mum doing arse to mouth with the dog was like a funny play on words, but technically is incorrect. But saying that- And then what you said it was also incorrect.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because it's not the mouth on the asshole. It's taking your cock from my arse and shove it in my mouth or Charles's mouth. I guess if it was like a threesome ass to mouth, that would be welcomed, but probably unlikely. What else considering it's tonight is our night of nights. What else would you say is welcomed but unlikely?

There's so much. There's so many things. I want to eat an op dog. Like tonight? Yeah, like at the Webbies. Like on the way home, I want to eat an op dog. Okay. We can figure that. That's pretty easy. Remember I got you a hot dog when I picked you up from the theatre? Got you a little pretzel? Yeah, that was very good actually. This pretzel I didn't care for. Was very salty. Very dry.

Yeah, it was. But the Op Dogg, oh. Yeah. Remember I was wearing those earrings? What a great day. Anyway. My brother accidentally put this from Mamati in my dog's art. That we use on the dog in-

I was living at home and my dog got really sick and the vet told me to monitor his temperature. Yep. So I'm misgendering the dog. So I bought a cheap- It was in the dog's vagina! Anyway- So I bought a cheap thermometer and checked her temp the old- vagina. Anyway. So I bought a cheap thermometer and checked her temp, the old fashioned back doorway. Then one day I get home and the thermometer

that I normally leave in the laundry and is normally reserved for the dog's asshole is out on the kitchen bench. And I say to my brother, why is that out? And he goes, oh, mum thought she might've had COVID. I couldn't find a rat test, but I found this in the laundry. So I popped it in her mouth to check the temperature. I have got something to say.

Sure. I would never put anything from the laundry in my mouth. That's not true. I've seen you at that laundry mat in Richmond. But if something's made its way into the laundry, I think it's safe to assume that it's like not going in your body at all. We keep our medicine in the laundry. Oh no, see that's so weird.

I'm popping pills in the laundry every night. Oh, so now we keep out, we've got like a junk drawer that's got like ibuprofen and antihistamines and stuff. That's a junk drawer in our kitchen. In the kitchen? But cough medicine or like, and band-aids and stuff is in the bathroom. But everything in the laundry,

so there's like toothbrushes in the laundry, but therefore like scrubbing the grout. Or there's like, you know. From behind me never to brush my teeth at your house again. No, but like that's why I'm like, for me if it's made its way into the laundry, it's all of a sudden like not for me. Okay.

My laundry is the same as my bathroom though, so my toothbrush is technically in the- In the laundry, yeah. So I don't know if you know this, Jales, but Tony's fucking rich. At least your laundry is in the bathroom. We've all lived in places where the laundry has been like in the hallway. In the kitchen or something.

Yeah, in the fucking, oh what's the pantry? And you're like, nah, that's. Yeah, you go, nah, that's where the washing machine is. That does give me the irk. And I mean, when you're in an apartment, you gotta do what you gotta do. But like, when you're in the kitchen and you're washing, like putting your dirty clothes, it just like.

It's super strange. Yeah. I agree, yeah. The place you looked for me had it in the kitchen, but it was in a really weird spot. Yeah. I had to pretend to be Charles at a few open homes. How was that? It was good I played the character quite well. Yeah because you're

like oh okay what's it like to be 12? Yeah no but I went um um compatibility technology. Yeah internet. Yeah and the guy was like yeah and I was like huh. And you got yeah how many gigabytes of screen time would you put in here? And they went, and that was tick. Yeah. And I said, how much power is available? And they said, how much do you need? And I said, computers. Yeah. They said, you said, how much power is available? And then they responded and you went, I'd really love to use a Jackery

power kit. Power kit. I think that what I need here is a Jackery solar panel to go to a battery. Full disclosure, Tony's trying to rub up the good folks at Jackery for a free battery and I hope it's working. Because we love Jackery. We love Jackery. Jackery, I hardly know he. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh no, you know what I regret? What? That if the people from someone goes, oh Jackery, they mentioned you this episode. Oh, they've heard the a** your mouth. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I mean. Is this the one you want to send through? Okay. Everybody don't mention that to Jackery. We'll leave it in for brand awareness purposes. Everyone go to your favorite adult website, type in Arstamouth and then tag Jackerum. No.

No, they are great though. So the thermometer is in the arsehole and then is in the mouth. Yeah. So the Tapa who sent this confession in saying, I obviously couldn't tell them. I was about to say, do you tell the person? Because ignorance is bliss.

I don't think you can say. Yeah. But I would be like, oh, do you tell the person? Because ignorance is bliss. I don't think you can say. But I would be like, oh, do you want some Listerine? She goes every time we have family dinner, because she's since moved out, obviously. But she goes back to the house and she's just like, the scene of the crime. All I can see is mum with that asshole thermometer in her mouth. So she didn't have- Did the mum have COVID?

No, but she's now got rabies, so. That's pretty unfortunate. It is. That's such a- How'd you get it? Wow. We're not sure. COVID knows no bounds.

Yeah. Fuck me. It's very funny for me to stack up rabies. Can you imagine if your dog's asshole had rabies, but it wasn't foaming in the mouth, it was foaming in the asshole? You know what I call that? Any day ending in Y?

You're always foaming at the asshole. I get excited That is so fucked That is so fucked I just get it, you know I get excited No I know, I know, yeah You do get excited Hey it's Ciaran from Birmingham I'm asking shout out to a few of our champion tapas over on our Patreon. Jess. We couldn't do this show without you supporting us on Patreon.

We really couldn't. Yeah. Jess Sulleran. Thank you very much, Jess. Hayden supporting us on Patreon, so thank you so much. We really couldn't. Jess Salarin, thank you very much, Jess. Hayden, good on you, Hayden. Joe Sangster, Brie Watson, Tess Wotherspoon. Wotherspoon? Wotherspoon, yeah. Not with a spoon.

No. No, no relation. No. Jessica Robards, thank you very much. Thank you. Sorry, I'm really like, I've just lost it over that first half. Yeah, you just take a breath and just let me let everyone know that if you're listening on Spotify or Apple, the majority of people hit the subscribe or the follow button.

Yeah. If that's you, thank you so much. And if it's not you, would you do that for us because it helps us big time on the backend. So hit follow or subscribe. That would- Hot girls do it. That's all I'll say. Oh. So if you want to be a hot girl, Charles, I'm this fun. If you hit follow or subscribe, I personally will never put a dog's asshole

thermometer in your mouth. That is huge. Actually. I think I better make sure that everyone in this room should definitely make sure that they're subscribed just in case. So obviously we're having a bit of fun right now like and I don't want you to get mad so I need you to remain open and happy. Although but even people say that like. Oh no it does it gets you back right up. Yeah. Okay. So you maybe four months ago, five months ago, got a new phone. Oh. You got a new phone. Yeah.

And there has been- It was actually in December. So what's that? Six months ago. Six months, yeah. Okay, six months. So six months, you have been double wielding phones and going like, oh, hang on, I can't authenticate that because it's on the other phone.

Yeah, when I log in it sends it like a pop-up like confirming your log into the other phone and it's a fucking nightmare. It totally is. Can Apple sort that out? And it's a shame because it's like you need to just sit down and spend like an hour, change all the stuff over and then throw the other phone off the RMS Titanic. I still don't have all my bank stuff across in my PayPal. No, I know.

I'm using the wrong cards because I don't have the other cards. So you've got the wrong cards, but then also you know how everything now is like, you need eight fucking passwords to check your emails. And so you get the authenticator on one and then it says, no, that's the authenticator on the iPhone 13.

You go, oh, fuck, that's the other one. I'll do that when I get to the office. It's actually just like such a mare. It's easier to get into my bank account than it is to get into my email for my university. Like it's, and I- I haven't forbid you stole my assignment notes, but if you have my fucking mortgage, you know?

Hey, they might wanna steal those assignment notes because someone did pretty well on their own, didn't they? What was it it I believe 16 out of 20? Thank you very much. Hello. Thank you very much. I'm pretty smart. God you've never gotten four wrong because I'm on all fours with you all the time big boy. Let me stick a thermometer in that puppy. Oh hot. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. Yeah serious. So I guess like what I'm saying is obviously now overseas, you don't have the other phone with you. So like that might create some issues and I don't really want to think about the logistics of that.

Great. I don't want to think about logistics of that. But something that I can take on with me overseas though, that I simply must urge that changes very, very soon. As in like today or like when we get back, I'll be in your man. Not like this fucking second. Okay. Is that you please, please take the privacy screen protector off your fucking phone. I've asked everybody in the office.

There's been a petition and we- Show it to me. And we all- Show the petition. Show me the petition. If I see the petition, I'll take it on. I would like to ask everybody individually, please line up over here just for one second.

No, I believe you. Does it, Charles, would you like to enter onto the record that you wish that Ryan would take the privacy screen off his phone? would you like to enter onto the record that you wish that Ryan would take the privacy screen off his phone? I would like to enter onto the record, yes. Thank you. Hey, and why is this anyone else's phone? Lily?

Yes, I solemnly swear that I support this decision. Thank you very much. Is this still like chasing you through Northland the other day, Lily, and now you're like lashing out? And Georgia, our meme lord? Yes. Yep, okay. Every time you go to show us something, you go, look at this.

And you can't see it because it's all blacked out from the sides. You go, oh, watch this or let's record this video together. You can't see anything. What did you call me? But it has been the same amount of time because obviously in the shop they said, do you want this fancy screen protector? And you went, yeah, fucking pop that on. You know what it was? Six months. I get it because first of all, you know, it's like a festive, you want to show people stuff. Oh,

look at this funny video. And then everyone goes, oh, I can't see it. Yeah. So the issue here, cause you know how we're points guys. Yeah, totally. So did you know at the Telstra store, you get like points in your Telstra shit? Yeah. No one, does anyone know that? I learn it every time I go there. They go, they tell me and I go, oh cool. You guys do a points thing because every time you pay your phone bill you get it.

And then five years later you're like, oh fuck. But they expire as well. So they go, you've got 600,000 points that are about to expire. And I go, oh well, okay, I'll take a privacy phone screen. So I'm like, they're like, what do you want? And I was like, I don't really fucking need anything because all I want is a phone and I've got it. And they go, do you want a privacy screen?

And I go, well, am I going to let these points go to waste? Yeah. Like throw them in the bin? So did they have regular screen protectors there? Well, without- But you chose privacy? When they just went, we've got screen protectors and these are for privacy. And I was like, like literally just went cool.

Yeah. And that was the end of it. And I, where's the petition? I'll sign it. The petition was- I'll sign it. Would you like to enter into the petition? Yes.

You agree? Yeah, okay. So. But how do I do that? Okay, well, so this is the thing, right? And that's okay. Hey, we're all here for you. Hold my hand.

Hold my hand. I'm not trying to put a thermometer in your dog's asshole here. I'm just trying to be a friend. Because I tried like, I'm okay, hey, we're all here for you. Hold my hand, hold my hand. I'm not trying to put a thermometer in your dog's asshole here. I'm just trying to be a friend. Because I try to, when Mabel and I like FaceTime Yaya, or I'm like, hey Mabel, come watch this video with me. And she goes, oh dad, I can't see it, you fucking asshole. Cause you used the points on the fucking thing.

Or you and I have FaceTimed Mabel before. Yeah, you can't see her. And you can't see her because you can't, so. But I'm gaslighting, she thinks she's gone blind. Yeah, but she's such an idiot. Yeah,'s such an idiot. She believes it every time. And I was like, cause you know how we always like can dog see screens? You know how no one really knows that? Cause it's not like fast enough or slow enough or something.

Cause I'm always like, Bron, can you see this? And he's like, I don't know. I don't speak English. And then I said to Mabes, I'm like, can you see that? And she goes, no. And I'm like, are you? And her and BJ start talking and you don't want them to collude. Yeah. And I was like, maybe they're chatting about their lack of being out of see screens. Yeah. And it might be, maybe they're chatting about their lack of being able to see screens. Yeah. And it might be. And so she thinks she's the problem.

Yeah. And so she should. So what are you saying? So what I would like to enter into the record is that you take that fucking thing off your phone, please. How do I do it? You can take it off right now. Yeah. It's not the first time Tony's asked me to take it off right now today. Oh, I'm just gonna take my nail off. I'll do it. I'll enter myself into, I will.

Oh, yay! Look, we can all see it. Look at that crack on the screen. And because you were such a big brave boy, we bought your present. You did not. A non-privacy screen protector. Yeah. So we can replace it so your screen will still be protected. Someone else has been using their Telstra points, I see. They were about to explode. Oh.

But so no admin. Charles is gonna put this on as soon as we finish. So your phone will still be protected. but now we can all see stuff. That is great. Isn't that good? Yeah. Yeah. But what about when I'm looking at bad stuff?

Yeah. Well, then you just do that home. Okay. Maybe we'll see if we can organize one that's like a transition. Look at the crack on that though. Like, you know those glasses that like go from day to night? Look at the crack on that screen. Well maybe you should have the bridesmaids, if you're looking at cracks on your screen.

No, but doesn't that just go to show why I need a protector? Well it just cracked then when I pulled it off. It wasn't cracked on there. But so we will fix this for you and we will do that up for you. Thank you. You're welcome. I thought let's remove the problem, but also give a solution.

Yeah. Cause that's the kind of solutions based professional I am. Do you say breadfessional? I don't really know what I said. Yeah. But it all came out so fast. It sounded like you said breadfessional. Yeah.

Yeah. I might have. Professional breads. I'm pretty hungry. I need some bread. I've got to love, as well as getting a new screen cover. Yeah.

I've got to love to see it here. Yes, please. Now. Oh no. You could spoil this, but the chances are pretty low. Tony, what's the opposite of the little mermaid? Someone who's dead? What?

Oh, cause she's like young and youthful and happy. So like the opposite is someone dead. What's the opposite of Charles? I don't know. I don't know what the opposite of Charles is. Someone ugly who I don't enjoy the company of. Someone who I wouldn't watch Saturday Night Live with. Guys, the time zone chat on what time live

is in Saturday nights. Do you know what's quite funny though, is that the time that Saturday Night Live starts is irrelevant when you get there on Sunday. Like when it's the wrong day, like you haven't missed it by an hour, it's the following day. Imagine turning up to a country on a Sunday night and going, fuck, we're finally in the US where you can watch Saturday Night Live live. So it's only live on Sunday in Australia because we're a day ahead. Yeah, no, we get it.

And also- Imagine if it was live on Sundays and the person who named it fucked it up that bad. But you know, how we were like, oh, we'll watch it the following week because we'll still be in America this Saturday. Yeah, so this weekend's was the season finale. You're joking.

We just found that out. So we've just missed the finale. So we've fully fucked it. We could watch last week, this weekend though. So true, at the right time. I'll cop that. Although, and so people in the US might not know it, but one of my favourite pastimes on a Sunday afternoon is when the Saturday Night Live clips start coming through on social.

And I go, oh, it's Sunday afternoon, Cause you know what time it is? Saturday night. Yeah. Imagine if it was Sunday afternoons and they just named it poorly. And like, it was just the worst name ever. Yeah. Or it got bumped. Yeah. Like, oh, the ratings aren't so hot anymore. We've bumped it down. Yeah. It's like now it's Sunday morning. Saturday Night Live is a Tuesday morning, it's 11 AM after. After Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. It can still be called SNL though, no matter what. Saturday Nawning Live. Saturday Not Live. Well, yeah.

Saturday Not Live. Sunday Not Live. Saturday Not. Sorry. OK. Do you know someone who is the opposite of the Little Mermaid? And thanks to Andrew for sending this through. Hi, Andrew.

Ariel has no legs and could not talk. I never shut the fuck up and thanks to Andrew for sending this through. Hi Andrew. Ariel has no legs and could not talk I never shut the fuck up and hate to walk. Same! That's good. So you're the opposite of Ariel. Dead. Oh my ma- oh well that's really sad. Who sent that through? Andrew, fuck you. Fuck you, Andrew. I will give you my dog's asshole thermometer. Andrew was just sending through a funny joke. No, Andrew, it's really funny. It's good.

And I relate to it so much, but I just wish that I hadn't said the opposite was being dead. Yeah. Yeah. You know already previously. I've got a love to see here from Rick Schafer. Sent this through on Patreon. Rick Schafer. Rick Schafer. Not Nick Schafer. No.

No it's not Nick Schafer. The TARF accountant. Rick Schafer. That's really far. I didn't even think about that. He's not married to her. He doesn't know Rick Shaw does he? That's really far. I didn't even think about that. He's not married to her. Doesn't know Rick Shaw, does he? No. Rick said- And his cousin, Gone Dollar?

I just heard an Aussie in North Carolina say, I'm not here to fuck spiders. Like fully unironically. And I was like, oh my God, we do exist, you know? Yeah. But currently we are Americans. Wait, no, no. And it's Saturday night. You are not good at time travel.

No, I'm not. We are currently in the Americas. Yeah. We're the Australians that people are going to overhear in the Americas. Do you know what I mean? So it's like if we said Unironic things that Australians say people would probably be like, oh, I just heard these two You know is it too late for our five-word speech to be we're not here to fuck spiders

We're not here to fuck spiders. Oh sick. We'll stick with the other one. Not here to fuck spiders fuck spiders. Oh, sick. We'll stick with the other one. Noddy to fuck spiders. So drop the... Can you say that one more time and just be a little bit more Australian? Noddy to fuck spiders. Howdy. No, we don't say howdy. Crikey. What about RIP Steve Irwin?

Because like people ask about it all the time. They actually do. I didn't know him personally, but thanks for- It does make me sad. Do you know what's really fucked? That every time Robert Irwin posts anything on Instagram, everyone's like, God, so sad how your dad died. Thanks for reminding me. He could post anything and people are like, oh, your father who tragically died would

be so proud of you. Every post. You know what? Oh my God. that's a lot. You know what I thought earlier today? And he's Australia's dad. Yeah. You know, like I get people's mourning continuing on,

but like poor little kid, you know what I mean? He's just a little baby whose dad, like, you know. So as someone who's also lost a parent, what was your morning routine? Hi everyone. I also lost a parent. What was your morning routine? Hi everyone! I got up at 4.30 and cry myself. This is my morning routine.

My morning routine. Time stamped. Every 10 minutes it's just me still crying. Then I ate leftover KFC for breakfast and start crying again. Oh, fuck that sounds good though. Well it's not morning in America. Stop morning, the time difference.

What I was going to say is when people say to Robert Earl and when he does stuff like your dad would be so proud. And earlier during this episode when you were discussing thermometers coming out of dog's assholes, I thought Liz would be proud of what you've become as a human and a broadcaster. And I know she's looking down at heaven going, if it wasn't for my beautiful daughter, who's so strong and brave, no one would have learned

the difference between Toucan Sam and the fucking ice cream guy. I just think it's important that people are informed. Before you make your own decisions, you need to be informed. Do your own research. Yep. I'm always encouraging that. She's a doctor though, so.

Alright, love you so much. So the next episode that you hear is going to be straight after the webbies. Yeah. Time difference chart, don't think about it, don't take it on, but the next- It sounds like you're thinking about it. It sounds like you're taking it on. I'm taking it on on behalf of all the tarpers.

I don't want you to take it on, but we'll talk to you when we're fucking sourced up. And hopefully we've had a win. Yep, and if you listen first thing, we'll be part of your morning routine. Love you Simon. Is morning and morning spelled different? Yeah, M-O-U-R. That's funny.

Yeah. All right, love you so much. Love you. Gas us up on Instagram. Geez, Tonya looks good. Oh, you wore those shoes. Oh, don't. Nah.

Love you so much. Bye bye bye.