Toni and Ryan - Parents vs PAWrents

Episode Date: January 15, 2023

Your hottest, fILthiest adulting porn, and a bit of feedback from a certain pooch's Christmas day. Love ya!!! Toni xo Come say hey and get a selfie with us in front of our HOT FUN GARBAGE TRUCK! Saturday 21st January , St Kilda Beach (look for our giant faces on a garbo truck) Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Lauren in the UK. Welcome to the show, by the way. Hello? Hi, Lauren. Hi, Tony. How are you? I'm well, thank you. Ryan is also here. Lauren. Lauren, can I just say, Lauren, that when I said that Bridget is pregnant and we're expecting a child, you had the most unique response out of everyone. She messaged me and goes, congratulations on spreading your seed. All the best. Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Lauren, will you approve the podcast? Of course I bloody will. Yes, she approves of you spreading your seed. Honestly, the thought of Ryan spreading his seed, love it. Righto. Let's get into the podcast. Let's get started, yeah. Hi, this is Lauren from Plymouth in England,

and I approve this podcast. Coming up on today's episode, a little bit of feedback for Tony or more of a feedback about Tony's Christmas Day, which had grand plans, but you shared with us last week that it didn't turn out quite as well as you had hoped. Now, lots of people who listen to the podcast have had some thoughts. Yep. And there's been a lot of chat about whether having a human baby and a dog baby is the same thing.

And if there's one thing that will fire people up on the internet, it's pets and parenting. And when you combine them. Okay. I've got a defence for myself. It sounds like it. After. When we get to it, I feel like I've got a defence for what you're saying.

Okay. But before we get there. Before we get there, though. I'll try and redeem myself retrospectively. Yeah, I love this. This started last week. I love this. So, yeah, last week I mentioned some adulting porn that I had.

Torbs and I, over the break, we bought some beautiful new towels, some new pots and pans. We bought a high-pressure hose to wash down the backyard. It was a very sensual experience of three things that just fucking get you going as an adult. Sensual and satisfying? Satisfying. Just, oh. Satisfying.

I can't get no satisfaction. That guy obviously had never had a blow-a-vac. Oh, it wasn't a blow-a-vac, though. You keep saying blow-a-vac. I know. I didn't buy a blow-a-vac. I got blow-a-vac on the mind. I bought like a gurney.

Yeah. Yeah. Very good. We bought a Karcher one as well, you know. Spare no expense. It was the cheapest one. Spare no expense on the cheap ones. It was on special.

Got a great deal. Anyway, I've got some more adulting porn that people have shared in our Facebook group. So Tony and Ryan on Facebook, if you want to join in the conversation or share normal or nars, share your love to see it, everything. Everything comes from there. Do I need to take a sip of this iced coffee and just calm myself down? What kind of like do I need to get ready for this? You might need to.

Maybe get a cigarette ready to have after. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Michael Mort. He's adulting porn. Is his name? Just say Michael Mort. Michael Mort. He's adulting porn. Is his name? Just say Michael Mort.

Michael Mort. Videos of people painting road markings. I fucking love that. And you know what? I don't know if I found it or the algorithm found me, but I'm getting them on the daily. But thank you. They're so good at it.

How do they get it right every time? Have you seen the one of like he's like an older guy and he slaps the big rubber like stencil out and he just fucking zoop, zoop, zoop, picks it up, takes it away. I'm like I could never do that. He's in And he's gone. I'm like, I could never do that. He's in, he's out, he's gone. I'd be putting the rubber down. I'd paint it, but the rubber would shift.

And then, like, the person that I was supposed to be painting would, like, have two heads because. Do you think it's one of those things where the more you think about it, the harder it would be? Yeah. Got it in one, I reckon. You just rock up and go, see ya. And then it's right.

Whereas I'd be standing there and I'd go, oh, we'll do the outline first. And then, because they just stand with their, like, feet on the mat so that it doesn't shift. Well, have you seen the guys without the stencil? What do you mean? They're just going freehand. On the street? Have you not seen that? No, I haven't seen a freehand one.

That's what I thought you meant. Oh, well, I just- These stencil bros fucking lift. In general. Let me send you a stencil one. What are they painting freehand? Oh, sorry, a stencilist one. Like when there's a-

Like in a bike lane, how the bike's there. Bike lane. They do a bike freehand. Bike freehand. I've seen the wheelchair sign, you know, just when they're doing like a car park. Sometimes they'll do- See, I've only seen all those ones with the rubber stencil.

No, bro. I've seen- I think they're all in car parks because then there's like the crossing bit or the regular bit and, yeah. I'm on beginner road painting. Yeah. You're on intermediate. You're on expert.

I am. Thank you. Fuck, I obviously haven't graduated to freehand yet. Yeah, I thought that Michael Mort meant the stencils. Don't tell me what Michael Mort meant. Well, I just thought that maybe Michael Mort meant the ones with the stencils. That's just what I thought Michael Mort meant. Well, I think Michael Mort meant you need to see some more.

Yeah. Mort. Mort. Michael Mort. Michael Mort. No, they need you to see some more. All right, what's next? All right.

The Big Twig shared that over the break he did some adulting porn for his games and gaming collection. I bought new shelves to display the endless cases and special editions and storage towers for all my games. I'm going to show you a photo here. I was going to say. And I know that we're not gamer guys. I want to support the big twig, but I have no idea what you just said.

Okay. Look at all of these. Oh, what? Yeah. So there's like six like bookcases. I waited till you stopped. Just so shocked you had to cough. What's on your mind, sweetheart?

Like four bookcases with all of the games lined up. In order. In order. And like for each different console and all of the little figurines are like lined up in front of what games they like go with. It's really neat and organised, isn't it? Yeah. So I know that whilst we can't relate directly to the gaming thing,

how good does organising like a cupboard or a shelf feel when it's just cluttered with shit and you go, I'm going to give that a bit of a birthday. I'll tell you what gets me going. Oh, tell me. Which is similar to this. Our mate Josh. Uh-huh. I'm pretty sure at one stage his bookshelf was all colour coordinated.

Yeah, he still does that, yeah. I like that. I like it too. And when I saw it, I was like, yep, that's a bit of me. And you go, I'm just going to buy 10,000 books so I can do that. I can't read. No. But I will buy 10,000 books.

Use them as props. But it's good for authors. As an author myself, obviously I appreciate that. Well, I've got your book. I've got your books in the garage at the moment. Oh. Yeah, they're on a shelf. I'll get you a proper copy.

Oh, yeah. Because at the moment you've got like a PDF printed out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll get you a proper one. I, yeah. Because at the moment you've got like a PDF printed out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll get you a proper one. I was going to say that one. It's $33 pre-order now. I was going to say the one that's a printed out PDF won't look as good on the mantle.

No, no. And it won't have a coloured spine for you to put in a colour-coded thing. No, it's a binder from Officeworks. It is. It actually is, yeah. Maddie Green shared some adulting porn. Getting a new mattress, but not day one mattress. Like new mattress wants to adjust to your body.

So, you know, when you get a new mattress and you go, oh, great, we've got a new mattress, but it's not really good until like a couple of days in when you start to really like adjust to it. Are you saying that you can buy one that's three days in? No, but I think that the adulting moment is acknowledging that it's not straight away that you need it. I was going to say, I had questions like, well, who's wearing it in? What size and shape are they?

Do you know these people? Do you find like a doppelganger of your exact body and then get someone that's six foot one 105 kilo just to land that for 50 hours thanks but then send it over yeah that's like ultimate rich person shit i feel that really is imagine that yeah because you find someone the exact size and shape as me and get them to break my mattress in and while they're at it i'll get the new couch um if they can just plonk themselves in front of the tally for three days yeah Yeah, I'd love for my ass groove to be in there when I get the couch. Ready to roll. When Torbs and I got our mattress, it's a koala one, and we'd used like secondhand mattresses or ones that our parents had bought us and had moved with us house to house.

But when we moved from WA to Sydney, we didn't bring anything. Like we sold all of our furniture and mattresses and everything. And so we bought the Koala mattress in a box. Literally every night for a month I said, oh, this is doing my back no end to good. Like I just like couldn't get over the fact like how good a new mattress was. Yeah. And just like the adultingness of being like, oh, this is doing me like just favour after favour. Yeah. I'll probably live an extra five years. Yeah. And just like the adultingness of being like, oh, this is doing me like just favour after favour. Yeah.

I'll probably live an extra five years. Yeah. Did you know that a good mattress, you know, you spend half your life asleep. You know how that's like the cliche thing. Yeah, it really is. Well, I mean, one third of your life is spent in bed. Exactly.

And then you go, oh, honestly, every morning I'd wake up and I'd go, oh, that new mattress, that has changed my life. I was like, yeah, I fucking get it. Yeah, you told me yesterday, man. Yeah. Yeah. But the people that don't appreciate a good mattress are the people who have always had a good mattress.

You and I, we've seen some things, man. Oh, yeah. We've fucking slept in some places. Yeah. And that's when you really appreciate it. Yes. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that because I wasn't allowed a double bed

until I turned 18. Like that was like a rule that was in our house. Then where did all your friends sleep? So I had a single bed and then there would be like we always had swags for camping and stuff. So it would be like put a swag down like on the floor next to my bed. So you're bringing boys home and being like, do you want a swag, mate? Well, like. It's hard to pitch a tent. Well, I'll just put these tent poles down to my bed. So you're bringing boys home and being like, do you want a swag, mate? Well, like.

It's hard to pitch a tent. Well, I'll just put these tent poles down through my carpet. Yeah, you can fucking figure that out, mate. I'm going to sleep though in my single bed. Or we had like. Yeah, I wasn't allowed a double bed. It was just like, I don't know why, but yeah, and I think it was actually like my 19th birthday that I got a double bed.

19? Yeah. Daughter McDaughterface already has one. A double bed? Yeah. Oh, fucking. She'll be rolling. She has so much room.

Yeah. She'll have all that space. And we had like a spare bed that was a queen. Just sitting there in the house. Yeah, but I wasn't allowed one until I was. Is this interesting? I don't know. Yeah, like my mum.

So, hang on. I really wanted one. Okay. So you're bringing these bros home and they're sleeping in a swag on your floor and there's a queen bed just sitting in some other room. Or we're scooched together in my single bed. Pretty good excuse, if you know what I mean. Oh, we're so close anyway.

Yeah. It'd save us room if you were inside me. Yes, it would. I'm basically Marie Kondo. If you fold it up and put it here. Does this bring you joy? Yeah. I say thank you in the morning and just send them on their way.

Yeah. Yeah, so then when I finally got a double queen bed, I just got the old mattress from the other spare room. I didn't get like a new mattress. So they deprived you for 19 years and then flipped you a second-hander that had been sitting next door for five years. Yeah. And then when I moved out of home, that was the mattress I took. So I had like a sheet mattress. So, yeah, when I got the new one, I was like mattress I took. So I had like a sheet mattress.

So, yeah, when I got the new one, I was like, oh, this is doing my back no end of good. Like the whole time. I still say it now. Doing my back no end of good. Yeah. Okay, right. What? It just took me a while to get my head around that.

I don't think I've heard that saying. No end of good? Yeah. I grew up on the East Coast, mate. Oh, sorry. Okay. I think I've told you about my mum's mattress and Dave Parsons, haven't I? Yeah.

30 years. That it was the mattress that you were conceived on, which is so crazy. I've got something that's going to fucking do you in. All right. You've got a piece of adulting pornography. And I want to, just like Torbs did, I want to know if everyone's sitting down while they're listening. I know a lot of people listen to podcasts while they're at the gym or going for a walk. Yeah.

Maybe on the train, but, you know, you might be standing. If there's a spare seat, I would sit in it. If you're driving, pull over. Yeah. Yep. It's okay. This better be fucking good. If you're flying a plane, land.

Pop an autopilot on, let it do its thing. Fuck, what is this? This better be good. Am I sitting down? Are you sitting down? Okay, imagine this. You're standing at your kitchen bench. Not sitting?

No, you're sitting as you're hearing the story. Oh, sorry. You're imagining this. Okay. You're standing at your kitchen bench. Yep. And you've got a big juicy loaf of like a sourdough, like a thick sourdough.

And it's not, you know, like a good old-fashioned from the bakery, not from the supermarket. Okay. And you know how like when you get a really nice crusty bread, it's like delicious but like it's hard to cut? Yep. Not when you've got new knives. Oh, yeah.

We got a new bread knife. The serrated one. Oh, my fucking God. That'll change your life. That'll do your bread no end of good. That'll do your bread no end of good. Here's the thing. Fuck, yep. You don't your bread no end of good. Mm-hmm. Here's the thing. Fuck.

Yeah. You don't cut the bread. Gravity does. Yeah. It just falls through. It slices through like salmon. And tomatoes are in season. Yeah.

Yeah. We said this about your pots and pans last week. Yeah. You don't realize how shit your old pots and pans are until you get a new one? A hundred percent. You don't realise how shit your old pots and pans are until you get a new one? A hundred percent. You don't know how fucked your old knives were until you get new knives.

You know you're way more likely to cut yourself with a blunt knife than a sharp knife? Well, I'm not sure about that because as you and I know, I can nearly cut my thumb off with a new knife. Oh, I forgot about that actually. Yeah. Yeah. Because it goes straight through.

Yeah. So clean. Well, they say that because if it's like a blunt knife, you're like trying to saw backwards and forwards. No, that does make sense. But, yeah, so with a new knife, because it's easy and you can kind of glide through. But, yeah, obviously if a finger's in the way, it's going to.

Obviously the bread still needed a little effort and not a lot, like literally just the tiniest of effort. Yeah. But the tomato, I'm not even joking, it just fell, the knife just fell through and hit the chopping board. Like soft butter. That's beautiful. That is beautiful.

And maybe it is nice that I'm in a position to get a new knife, but I've also discovered something because this is my new personality. Yeah. There's like a service. It's like a locksmith. Yeah. But he just comes out and in his truck he's got like a sharp, like a sharpening service.

Yeah. And they'll just come over and go, G'day, mate. They'll knock on your door and you go, here's my knife block. Yeah. And they'll just take it out to the van and kind of, or sometimes in the supermarket. Yeah. Our butcher does it.

The butcher. Our butcher does it. Yeah, he goes, I'll just sharpen those up for you. Yeah, you just take them in and they go, yep, all good. And when they're just sharpening up, it takes them, what, two minutes plus nothing. Sometimes I just fucking do it for them. And because if you go to the butcher all the time, they'll probably, yeah, just take care of it.

If you're just going to do your shopping anyway, you might as well pick up your knives and a couple of bits of steak for dinner on the way through, on the way back. Fucking, you're making money. You're making money. You're making money. I implore everyone. Yeah, that is a good one. If you can't buy new ones, at least sharpen them. Get your knife sharpened and tell me all about it.

You'll be splitting things open. Glad we got those ciggies ready. Light me up, dog. Hi, this is Lauren from Plymouth And you're listening to Tony and Ryan We were just talking about my knife My new knife We were

I cut myself quite badly with the new knife. Yeah. Even though I just made a raging statement saying like, oh, you never cut yourself with a new knife. But I want you to know how understanding Tony and probably just society in general is. A lot of people go, oh, what did you do to your thumb? And this is all I said.

We got new knives. Yeah. And people just go, oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, been there, yeah. It's not, I didn't have to say I cut myself. Yeah. I just went, new knives. Yeah. And people just go, oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, been there, yeah. It's not, I didn't have to say I cut myself. Yeah. I just went, new knives. And they went, okay.

Yeah, he bit me. We're not talking about it. Gotcha. A big thank you to a few of our champion tapas on a lovely Monday. Hope you're having a great week already. Anne Irene Haldorsen, thank you so much. Paige Brockman, oh, Bockman, not Brockman. Sorry, not Kent Brockman from Springfield.

I was going to say, are they related? Yeah. Paige Bockman, Carissa van der Kroon, and Frankie Morales. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. You'd fucking love to see it. Hopefully we'll see you down the beach at St Kilda this weekend. This weekend. Woo!

Hot Fun Garbage Saturday the 21st. Very exciting stuff. Hey, tomorrow on the show, there's another, I hate to say, I told you so. And that's all I'm saying. Is this for me? For someone. Well, the podcast is called Tony and Ryan, so I guess it's me.

Well, I called you out for something last week and I did the exact same thing about scoping out the park. You know, I was like giving you shit about scoping out the park and then I did it. Yes. And you were like, oh. Well, tomorrow on the show we've got some. I hate that.

Sorry. That's coming up tomorrow. If I apologise now, is it too late? Yes. Five episodes a week, mate. A lot to fill. It's not anyone else that you need to apologise to. That's all I'll say.

Oh, okay. Did you go paddle boarding on the weekend? Didn't think so. Don't follow me on Instagram. You're like, no, I muted you quite some time ago. No, I'm off you. I see you enough during the week. Feedback on Tony's Christmas Day.

Is this just fucking shit on Tony week? What's going on? No, it's not. No, this is not negative feedback. You know what, actually? I'm carefree. I'm paddling. I'm out in nature.

I'm all good. Here's something to work on. When someone says feedback, you instantly decide everyone's out to get you. Yep. Now, some may argue that's a learned behavior because of what's happened to you in the past. But I'm not that person. Thanks, actually, for that. That's really nice.

That's really understanding. A really quick recap. This is what Tony planned to do on Christmas morning. Start a new tradition with my beautiful little family, take Pippa to the beach, have croissants on the beach, have a little paddle, have a little swim. Beautiful. Go home, fall down onto the couch because we've been running about

all morning and enjoying ourselves and ha ha ha ha, Merry Christmas. But instead what actually happened on December 25th was? Got in the car, people pissed in the car. We got to the beach. She hated it. We were there for about four minutes. We got back in the car to take her to the dog park instead like a consolation prize. She shat in my car on the CityLink, couldn't pull over.

So she traipsed the shit all through the back of my brand new Audi. Merry Christmas. Not quite the Merry Christmas, everyone. So we did still flop on the couch at the end because we were tired, but not for the fun, carefree reason we expected. Nicola. Hi, Nicola.

Nicola says, Pippa shitting in the Audi. Mother like daughter, I guess. I was expecting this. Okay. I'll be honest. So you once were just caught out just a little bit. Yep. Caught out in a bad spot in your new car. Yeah.

I had a really bad cold and I had eaten about 12 strepsils in about 30 minutes. I get you. cold and I had eaten about 12 strepsils in about 30 minutes because I was waiting for a doctor's appointment and you can't cough, obviously, in the doctors because of COVID, et cetera. Yeah, ate a lot of strepsils, got the runs, didn't realise. We get it, mate. We've been there. Thank you.

Elise Campbell. Hi, Elise. Now we just need torps to shit in the arty and the whole family's had a go. Maybe that's the tradition. Next Christmas. Who will it be? Now there was some chat about what it's like to be a parent. And then obviously dog mums, dog dads, like myself,

I'm a dog dad at the moment, you know, it's a full-time job. Yeah. But then people with human children somehow believe that that's harder. Okay, here's where I think my defence comes in. When we talked about this, I said there was so much to organise, so much to do, like so fucking stressful. We get it, mate. It's hard for you.

I can only imagine what it's like for human parents. I take my – is what I said. So just before anybody says, oh, you don't have any fucking idea because being a real parent is harder than being a full parent. What's that voice you're doing? Are you implying that parents have shit voices and are less human? Having a human child is more difficult. And a rich fuckhead.

Having a bloody human child is a lot. And bogans. Okay. Fucking hell, I can't win. No. Please say the thing. Parents are on the internet, mate. You cannot win.

You're right about that. RIP your DMs this week. It was mine. So next week, Ryan's chatting about parents on the internet. Feedback. Feedback on the feed session. What are you about to call fucking Drew Barrymore a boomer again, are you?

Oh, mate, I'm still getting DMs about that. You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't. So fucking lay it on me. First of all, I'd love to lay it on you. Second of all, Bianca, see, mate, you've jumped to conclusions and making assumptions over here. Bianca says, parents who get on their high horse about pets being easier

than children, nope. Tony's story describes parenthood 100%, having all these plans and wanting to do stuff. But, hey, sometimes nature and biology and plumbing gets in the way. I feel you, says Bianca. Bianca, thank you for being so- I thought I was going to get fucking read to filth just then. Adriana.

Hi, Adriana. Out for 2023. Parents of humans saying having a dog isn't anything like having a human child. That's out this year. Oh, Adriana. Says Adriana. Get fucked. Some of the shit I put up with, in brackets, my dog literally sasses me,

and some of the shit I have to clean up is fucked. So if you think your life's fucking easier, fuck you. Whoa. We're all going through our own struggles. So I appreciate- And Adriana is definitely going through hers Yeah, Adriana Maybe Adriana wasn't having a good day

It sounds, the energy of that comment Seems like maybe some of the shit That Adriana had to pick up was that day Because there's a bit of anger But there's venom in those words, I feel I'm guessing if Adriana had an Audi There's shit in her car too You getting that vibe?

She's on your side though. Yeah, she is on my side. So I'll take the venom. We welcome the venom on our side. In for 2023. Supporting us. Supporting us? Supporting us.

Supporting that ass. Regan Schwartz. What? Supporting us. I feel so sad that people don't get to see the face you just made of me. That was lovely. An easy tradition. You could do – because then you were like, okay,

we tried this beach tradition. It didn't work out. Would you go back for round two? I feel like – That one's done. You need something else. No. Because maybe it was just a bad day.

Sometimes people have a bad day. Well, see, that's the thing. And I've been – I get actually served heaps of like parent TikTok and parent reels. Yeah. And it's like, oh, if a child asks us for something, we feel like we can say, can you wait a minute, I'm finishing something.

But when we ask for their attention, we expect it immediately. Like children have emotions and whatever they're doing, whatever. So I feel like it's one of those things where maybe Pip was just having a bad day. She wasn't into it. We'll try it again. She'd never been there. She didn't know what it was. Exactly.

So I'm not going to force her, but I'm also not going to hold it against her. But there was a bit of chat of, okay, if a beach Christmas morning isn't our Christmas morning thing, because you're very like, I want to start a new tradition. I want to start afresh. I want something to be out. Yes. So Regan says, an easy tradition you could do next year, because, again, we were like, let's keep the barrier to be out. Yes. So Regan says an easy tradition you could do next year,

because again we're like let's keep the barrier to entry low. Yeah, maybe not pop her in the car. Yeah. So Pippa's going to learn how to stand up paddleboard on her own and then she'll sing a Christmas carol and that'll be our tradition. An easy tradition you could do next year would be breakfast and a Christmas movie all together on the couch. It requires zero water and we already know Pippa loves the couch.

How good is this? To which Tony Lodge replied, yeah, but we do that every day. We do. Like that's not a tradition to us because we spend a lot of time, like for lots of families I'm sure that if like not watching TV wasn't something that you did all the time. But like we watch TV a lot, like we spend a lot of time on the couch together.

Yeah. So I feel like that's not really like fun and different enough. Plus on Christmas Eve we all watched The Grinch together and like had a little ice cream. That was really nice. And we wore our matching Christmas pyjamas. That was really nice. And we wore our matching Christmas pyjamas. That was quite cute. I don't know if I can just gloss over that.

The matching Christmas pyjamas? Yeah. Do you want to see a photo? Yeah. Oh, sorry, everyone. I'll find one. And the Grinch and the ice creams. What?

Don't you think that's cute? Have I seen this on Instagram already? The matching jammies? Yeah. No, I didn't post it. Why not? You already knew what I was going to comment? No, because everybody was posting matching pyjama photos

and then I saw someone post, if I see one more fucking family matching pyjama photo, I'm going to throw up. And I was like, you know what? I'm enjoying this for us. It's not for Instagram. But I did take this picture of us together. That's fucking adorable.

Isn't it? Thank you. Little Pippi with her little hood on. We've all got our little hoods on. I'll share that in Patreon. Please. A belated Christmas gift. So maybe putting the hoods on and having the ice cream and watching the same,

like there's a specific, not just like our movie, but like we watch The Grinch every Christmas Eve. Well, I do that anyway. I've done that for about 10 years. Oh, okay. So that's like my tradition that I've let Toads and Pippa Bean part of. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, right on. All right, well, the search continues. The search continues. Tony, how have you got it? You love to say it. I do. The search continues.

Tony, how have you got a you love to see it? I do. Letting that be part of my tradition. Alexandria shared this in our Facebook group, and I thought that this was not only a love to see it, but maybe something that you should think about. Okay. Alexandria shared, I'm 40 weeks pregnant this week. Whoa.

Yeah, so like fucking about to pop. How do you know? You were psychic. Someone actually did reply and said, Tony Lodge could predict when you'll be giving birth. Are you going to predict the birth of my daughter? I'll be able to tell. Alexandria, 40 weeks pregnant this week,

and my loving fiancé voluntarily shaved and groomed all of the areas I couldn't reach and see. Hashtag true love. You'll love to see it. That is a special thing to do. Isn't that lovely? Yeah. Because obviously, like, it's not like time to be like sexy times, but it's also like a lot of people are going to be looking

at a lot of angles and crevices. Yeah, and you just need to feel comfortable. So whether it's shaving it or not shaving it, if that's the thing that you want to do, you need help. The last thing I want to do is be feeling self-conscious and, you know, something else to be worried about. Yeah. Well done.

I do love to see that. Because obviously I'll be picturing. Well, not like actually see, but like I'll have to hear of that. I'm picturing Alexandria pregnant as fuck, crying in the shower. That's how I'm imagining this kind of happen. Not everyone lives their lives like you, Tony. My new tradition. And I'm imagining the fiancé walking in and going,

I can help with this. Like, let me assist you. And I think that that is just so lovely. That is lovely. Yeah. You fucking love to say, remember when I first got Invisalign, I couldn't take my retainers out and Torbs bit that bit of skin off my finger?

I've been trying to forget it every day. It's very sweet. Every time I see Torbs, I think of that moment. It's the kindest thing ever. My love to see it is this lady, she overhears, she's still with her mum. Yeah. And when I say lady, I think like teenage, teenage girl.

She overhears her mum going to like the apartment next door and like knocking on the door and being like, hey mate, I was just wondering if we could borrow some salt. Oh. Because, you know, old neighbourhood values. Cup of flour, borrow an egg kind of thing. But the teenage girl's like, I know for a fact we've got salt.

Like, what the fuck's going on over there? Like, what's actually happening there? She's snooping. Yeah, it's like, is this a fucking cover for something? Is salt a fucking keyword? Is my mum on drugs? Fucking. Bath salts. Or she's just asking for an excuse to fucking keyword? Is my mum on drugs? Fucking. Bath salts.

Or she's just asking for an excuse to fucking scope out. Yeah, like. Snoping. You reckon? Yeah, that's what I reckon. So she's just like. What are you doing, mum? What's happened there?

Yeah. The mum says, oh, those neighbours have had a bit of a rough patch. They're struggling. I think the mum next door has had her hours reduced. Oh. Because a lot of people have not laid off, but like, which is actually worse. Because when you get laid off, you get a payout, right? And then you can go apply for a job.

But when they've reduced your hours, like, I don't know. And there's been a few times, because they've got a few younger kids, where the mums actually come around and go, hey, we're fucking skin. Have you got, like, some bread or some milk? Maybe we can like, you know, I'll get it back or whatever. And so the mum goes, yeah, yeah, it's cool. So then every couple of weeks she goes over and asks for some salt that she doesn't need because she doesn't want the other lady

to feel like she's just like taken all the time. Oh, so she's doing her a favour by like paying her back. Yeah, but salt is so inconsequential that it's like. Yeah, because imagine you've gone and asked for something and I think you're kind of like, oh, if you're just like always asking for a favour then you're just like. And you feel a bit uncomfortable and you're a bit embarrassed. But like, no, I need you as much as you need me.

We're neighbours who help each other. Sometimes I've given you some stuff from the kitchen kitchen sometimes you've given me stuff from the kitchen so every few weeks she goes and asks for a little bit of salt and that's why she doesn't that is fucking lovely i've said this before accepting gives to the giver when somebody offers you something it's because they want to help not because they're just like trying to fucking be rude or empty offer or whatever. But do you not think that maybe the neighbours go on, what's the, is it a code word? Is the mum on drugs? Is she hoping, you know, she's going, fuck, they use a lot of salt.

Does everyone use salt in cooking? Beer, are they? How's their cholesterol? Do you know what I mean? Like, do you think that the neighbours go on, fuck, they're using a lot of salt, buy some. Well, maybe. It's $3 a box.

Do you know what I mean? Do you think someone who had to ask for bread and milk is being like, what the fuck's this bitch go buy her own stuff? No, but she's probably just not. What do you need? If you needed it last week. Who judged her? No, I'm just saying that the neighbour's probably going,

what's up with Janine from Nextdoor? I thought Janine from Nextdoor was lovely and now you're making her out to be the villain. No, she's not the villain at all. Well, it turns out she was scoping out the place and she robbed the people's wine. She keeps coming round for salt. Where's my VCR?

VCR? What, did she steal it from the past? What have you stolen? A decade? No wonder they don't have any money. They spent it all on a time machine. Come on back in time, steal it a fucking piece. What happened to all your wage? A time machine.

Yeah. Oh, this DeLorean I bought. Fucking go back in time. I like that laugh. That was fun. Anyway. Just to clear it up, I'm pretty sure that she just happily gave the salt and was not robbed.

Okay. Just to really tie off any loose ends there. VCR's intact. They're still able to watch The Little Mermaid VHS. Blues Brothers. Far out. All right. See you next Tuesday.

Tomorrow, I told you so. Tabitha Lodge. Look out. Tabitha Louise Felicia Tony Lodge. Yeah, full name tomorrow. Actually, when with daughter McDaughterface, we're thinking of like names and we're testing them out like daughter McDaughterface, but like Daughter McDaughterface

but also like Daughter McDaughterface. Yeah, you've got to do both. It has to work on both things. Uh-huh. And also it has to work like Merry Christmas, love from Ryan, Bridget and Daughter McDaughterface. You know, like it has to sound good. Yeah.

That's how I judge things. Like when I was thinking about naming Pippa, it was the same. I was like, what's that, like, Tony Torbs and Pippa? Oh, yeah, great. Pippa! Pippa! So tomorrow there's a, I hate to say I told you so, including Tony, Tabitha, Felicia, Louise Lodge.

See you tomorrow. Was that supposed to turn me on? No, but is it working? Yeah. Give me another ciggy. We're running out of this. We are. See you tomorrow. Was that supposed to turn me on? No, but is it working? Yeah. Give me another ciggy. We're running out of smoke. We are.

We've smoked a lot today. For two people that don't smoke, I've never smoked more than I have on this podcast. See you, mate. Love you, bye.