Toni and Ryan - Party Mums

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Something HARROWING happened to me. I am officially old. We also share some of our latest tales of us ruining ya life. Love ya!!! Toni xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Hi, my name is Ryan. I'm the vice captain of the ship. This is Tony Lodge, who is a best-selling pre-sale author. That's very lovely. Thank you. And you can get your pre-order of I Don't Love Therapy and I Don't Need Therapy. And you can get your copy of I Don't Need Therapy. And otherwise, I've told myself in all good book places that are book depository and the other one. What's the other one? Book Depository and Booktopia. I don't love therapy is the name of the book apparently. That's a direct quote. I don't love therapy.

Who are we calling? We are calling Abby who is in Brisbane. Ooh, Bruce Vegas. Have you been to Brisbane? I have. Been to Fortitude Valley. Yeah. Wow, looking out. Yep. Haveitude Valley. Yeah. Look out.

Yep. Have you? Hello? Abby, hi. Hello. I love to be in Ryan's. It is. Hello.

Oh, my gosh. Hi. Sorry, Abby, could you just hang on a sec? Have you been to Brisbane, Ryan? I have been to Brisbane. It's a lovely place. I have not partied hard and deep into the night in the Fortitude Valley, though, which I believe is a choice. Sorry, Abby, we were just talking about that before you very rudely answered.

Sorry, my apologies. What are you up to? What are you doing? I'm working. Oh, what do you do? I just work in payroll. But I've snagged a day working from home today. Oh, my God.

Sling yourself some extra dollars from us. Yeah, I will. Thanks a lot. Yeah, we give permission. Yeah, pay your own internet bill. Working from home. Be rude not to. Will you approve this podcast?

Of course I will. Yay! Hey, it's Abby from Brisbane. Shout out to my mum, Alana, and my auntie, Beth, and we approve this podcast. Yeah. And we approve this podcast. Coming up on today's video show. People can see that.

Yeah, I know. It's a video show. I'm not a fucking idiot. Tell everyone what you just did. I just did a little fingering gesture to the camera in a kind, welcoming way. The Friday finger. It's a new segment we're trying out. No, you said coming up today and I went,

tell you what will be coming up today. Ways This Podcast Has Ruined Your Life featuring Lockie the truck driver and Danielle who is the proud slash no longer that proud new owner of a car. We'll get to that soon. What is this like installment 55 of ways that we've ruined people's lives? Great. Yep. Lots of examples. Before we get to that, I want you to think about you, Ryan,

you watching, you listening, a time when you have felt old and rejected by society. Was it yesterday's episode when we heard about Gen Z's out-of-office emails? We've actually chatted quite a bit this week about feeling old, feeling. Let's lay off this chat next week. Yeah, we will. This is actually by accident that this has all kind of fallen into place. But while you think about that...

Can I actually give you a really fucked example? Yeah. When I was like in my early 20s, there was this guy, I'm playing volleyball, there was this guy who was like 14 who was a bit of like a prodigy. Oh, yeah. He just retired because he was too old to play anymore. And you're rolling around with your rickety 20-year-old buds.

Like he was just always 14 in my mind. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know what you're saying, yeah. And he's retired. I was like, what for? He's 33 or like whatever age he is. And I'm like, he's just retired because he's old. The 14-year-old kid. Like, yeah, he's 33 or like whatever age he is. And I'm like, he's just retired because he's old.

The 14-year-old kid. Like, yeah, he's not 14. He's not. Yeah, people grow up. He's almost 30. Yeah, right. And he's like moved back to Australia and stopped playing overseas to start a family and move on with his life.

And I was like. Sure. But he was the, if he's too old, then how old am I? Well, if you felt old at 20 because of this 14-year-old kid, then let me tell you how I felt last week at 29 with a bunch of 20-year-olds. Last week I went to a house party, not just any house party. House party. Thank you very much.

Whoa. A house party for a birthday. Yep. I for off a house party. Who doesn't? I love a house party. There's actually nothing better. It's so much fun.

You can drink whatever you want, whatever. But I guess like there's a certain point where house party transitions to like drinks and nibbles, isn't there? So like at one point, right, a house party is kind of like, yep, you're fucking raging, you're drinking the stuff that you can like just afford to buy and you're getting the stuff that you can like just afford to buy and you're getting loose as only because you can't afford to drink like at a club.

And is it sort of a bit of it's either pre-drinks or kick-ons? Yeah. Energy as well? Yep, 100%. But then as you get a little bit older, a house party turns into, you know, having five to ten friends over, which is a stretch, but five to ten friends over, doing a lovely cheese board, maybe making cocktails,

having a barbecue or something. And I don't actually know at what point in my life it transitioned into that part of my life, but I'll say I have not been to a house party in quite some time. Is there a further transition where, of course, it's dinner? Yeah. Yeah. So, of course, it's dinner? Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, let me explain.

So not only- What do we eat? Yeah. Should I eat before I go? What, are they going to have food there? Should we take something with us? I did take something with me. All right, just let me explain.

So not only was it a house party, a house party for a birthday, a 22nd birthday party. Who the fuck do you know who's 22? So a mate of mine, his girlfriend and him have recently moved in together. Yeah. She's a bit younger than him. Yeah. Is this Sam?

It is. Yeah. Okay. So it was a bit of an exciting, like, we've moved in together, we're playing house. Great. And she's just had her birthday. And so she goes, we're going to have a birthday thing. Like, really excited. Please come, whatever. Live, we're playing house. Great. And she's just had her birthday and so she goes, we're going to have a birthday thing, like really excited,

please come, whatever. Live, play, slay. Very exactly right. Yeah. Bless up. Bless up. So cast your mind back to being like 2021 and what you expect from a house party and what you expect from a house party now.

I'm going to run through some parts of the evening. It's two separate planets. Yeah. Please. Do you want to tell us what you were expecting? No, I'm going to just tell you what happened. Okay. Because I feel like it exceeds the expectations that I might have had.

The party started. I already hate it. I already hate it. The party started at 6.30 it. I already hate it. The party started at 6.30. Oh, okay. Right? Yeah. So what time do you think I got there?

6.30. 6.45 to be fashionably late. I'm like, well, I'm not going to be on time. That's fucking embarrassing. Were you the first one there by three hours? Yeah. Nobody else got there till nine o'clock. Right?

Fashionably late. Yeah. So there's Torbs and I. Torbs and I. So Sam and his girlfriend Gemma, Torbs and I and another couple who happened to be like almost like about to turn 50 because they were just like good mates of theirs. They kind of like bumped into it, maybe used to work together

or something. By the time people started rocking out, were you ready good mates of theirs. They kind of like bumped into it, maybe used to work together or something. By the time people started rocking out, were you ready to go? Yeah. Because I was like, well, I don't know. But the people who were almost 50 that were there at some point in the evening, and this is not in order of what happened, but at some point they said to Torb, it was like, oh, yeah, like our age. My shoe just fell off.

Did you hear that? Did you hear that? No, I didn't. Did you hear the Velcro? Calm down, Grandpa. I did hear the Velcro, yeah. That's how shocked every part of my person is. Yeah.

Your shoe just dropped off. My shoe fell off my own foot while sitting. Our age at 50. Our age. They were a young 50, to be fair. Don't excuse us. They were really cool. They were a young 50, to be fair. Don't excuse us. They were really cool. They were a young 50.

And they didn't have kids, so they were real cool. Okay. So go back to the beginning of the evening. During the inviting process, they said, we'll have some beer here and stuff. Like, oh, we might put on some nibbles. But I'm going, oh, well, what should we bring? They're like, oh, well, we'll have some beer here and stuff. Like, oh, we might put on some nibbles. But I'm going, oh, well, what should we bring? They're like, oh, well, we'll have some beer.

But if you want anything other than that, like, you know, whatever you want. Bless up. We brought our own drinks. We actually brought like stuff to make cocktails. So I was drinking like Palomas. So we had like tequila, some grapefruit juice kind of thing. I feel like making cocktails at the place is also like a sociable, festive. It's quite nice.

It adds to the vibe. Thank you. Everybody else rocked up with Passion Pop and like the cheapest red wine that they could find. Because when you're 20, you start drinking red wine because you think that you're going to find yourself, all of that. Yeah, and you wouldn't dare have a label on the bottle. Were they drinking clean skin red wine? Oh, probably. That's the fucking best.

What are you drinking? Dunno. Dunno. And you know what? It was very cool. And they're like, what are you drinking? I'm like, oh, well, I's the fucking best. What are you drinking? Dunno. Dunno. And you know what? It was very cool. Don't give a fuck either. And they're like, what are you drinking? I'm like, oh, well, I just made this cocktail. I brought all the ingredients with me.

Yeah, that's old. Very uncool. That's fucking boomer behaviour. So Sam and his partner Gemma, Torbs and I, the older couple, we were sitting at the back of the house on one of those glass outdoor tables. Of course. And as all of the kids arrived, they went, ooh, adults' table!

All grown-ups' table! We'll sit inside on the kids' place. There was six of us outside, five of us outside or something, and all the kids were inside. Kids. Oh, my God, how old am I? The mozzies start coming in because it's getting dark, sun's going down, mozzies start coming in.

We're all outside passing around the error guard. Oh, that's fair play. I pop my head in and go, does anyone need an error guard? They go, what? Oh, that's fair play. I pop my head in and go, does anyone need an ear guard? They go, what? You don't care about getting a mosquito bite when you're 20.

Well, you fucking should. You'd be itching all night. That's adult behaviour. That's adult's table of behaviour. Don't accuse me of being an adult. And then all of a sudden it's like 9.30, 10 o'clock or whatever. All we hear is like ding dong, bing, bing, bing, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim. All of their Be Real went off.

Oh. Did your Be Real go off? I don't have Be Real. Yeah, I know. I'm like trying to download it really quickly. So all of their Be Real go off. So all of them go, oh, my God, who wants to be in my Be Real? Be, be, be, be. Oh, no, they don't do selfies like that anymore, do they?

They do it kind of like this. So they're all doing their B-reel and I'm sitting, sipping on my beautiful, you know. Paloma. My lovely cocktail that I've fucking curated from scratch and they're like, oh, I don't care what I drink. Are you in other people's B-reel? No, I don't think so.

Like, oh, this is Toni. She's, you know, she got this podcast for old people. Oh, no. No, I knew who I was. No, oh, this is Toni. She's, you know, she's got this podcast for old people. Oh, no. No, I knew who I was. No, of course not. No, I knew who I was. You're not on Snapchat. You're not on Discord.

No, I'm not. I'm on Habba Hotel still, mate. I rocked up with, because of obviously the stress about there being food at the party, I rocked up with, like, cheese and crackers and some stuff for a cheese board. I also rocked up with a birthday cake for the birthday girl and candles. Are you fucking kidding me? And matches in case no one had a lighter. Of course they all fucking were punching cigs, you know what I mean?

No, they don't. Any cigs? Vapes? Vapen. No one punches darts anymore. They're all on the vape. This is as if you, was it in Brunswick? That's where they live?

It was in Kensington. They've just moved in. But, yeah, cool area. Instead of going to Kensington, it sounds like you went to 2004. Yeah. No, but if it was in 2004, I would still be cool. But instead, I'd gotten old and gone back in time. All right.

So what time were you starting to – Hang on. Okay. So – Because by 9.30- Hang on. Okay. So- Because by 9.30 I've already left. A couple of hours into the party, everyone's obviously getting loose. So it's, you know, 9.30, 10 o'clock. They've all kind of gotten there, already a bit drunk.

I'm fucking ready to go home. Like I've fucking almost had enough. I just can't listen to people talk about what they might want to do at uni anymore. Yeah. I finished uni. Were you giving advice as an older person? Don't you fucking dare. No, but like.

Don't you fucking dare say that to me. No, but maybe you have some like wise words of wisdom. I graduated uni in like 2014. Maybe you have wise words of wisdom. Well, I was just like, oh, that sounds really good. To be honest, I was talking to the other older couple of our age. And so the party's getting a bit loose and I'm like, oh, my God, like the separation of adults and kids.

But they're all getting a bit drunk. We're going to need to do this cake before we lose everyone. Everyone's getting loose. I'm thinking, all right, before everyone gets too rowdy, I'll go inside, I'll prepare the cake. So I grab the cake. This is awful. I hate this. I go inside, I grab the cake. This is awful. I hate this.

I go inside. I grab the cake. The candles come out. We all sing. I get Gemma to do the first cut into the cake. And then I go, cool, I'll take this inside. I'll cut it up and then bring it back out. I'll bring out some plates and stuff.

And then one of this fucking bitch, probably 15. No, she's 20. She goes, oh, my God, you are such a good party, mum. That's a separate generation. Not party older sister. Not party friend. Not party older sister. Not party friend. Not party, like, cool older girl at the party. That is. Who probably has her life together.

You know what I mean? It wasn't like that at all. Did. And how did you respond to such what I would call innocent taunting? Because they didn't know they were doing a bad thing. No. They were just calling it as they saw it. And I would have said that shit when I was 20.

Like, I would have been like, oh, my God, party mom, thinking I would have meant it in an endearing way. Yeah, and I feel they saw it. And I would have said that shit when I was 20. Like I would have been like, oh my God, party mom, thinking I would have meant it in an endearing way. Yeah, and I feel like she did. And she would have as well. However, having heard that- I went- Anyway, I'm like,

fuck this, we're leaving. The music's getting worse. You know, everyone's getting louder. I start ordering an Uber and someone else is like, oh, you got a Richmond because I like lower lift, whatever. And I was like, oh, yeah, cool. I guess I'm buying for the Uber.

And I put our address in and was like, do you want to add your stop? Yeah. And handed my phone over, right? No, it's not going in the direction you think it is. Hand my phone over and go, cool, I'm just going to go and do a wee before we leave. Yeah. I got locked in the toilet.

Without your phone? Without my phone. For about 20 minutes. No. I wish I was joking. I was stuck in the toilet. I pulled the door because they're just like renting some like shit house in Buckinghampton.

I pull the door over. It's like one of those sliding ones. I pull the door over. It's like one of those sliding ones. I pull the door over. I lock it. I do a wee very quickly because I'm like, cool, we have to leave. The door is jammed. I cannot get it open. Right?

I'm banging on the door. I'm like calling out for help. But the music's pumping. Music's pumping. Everyone's screaming, doing their fucking. So they can hear this like. And then everyone else is out there like, yeah, spin it.

Yeah, love this subwoofer or whatever. I'm stuck in the toilet for all this time. Are you yelling? Yeah, I was like, Sam, Sam. And, like, I could hear people talking. I was like, hey, you know, like, I didn't know anyone's name because I've done girls. Yeah, cool people.

Can you come and help me out? 20 minutes I was stuck in the toilet, right? That's a fucking long time. And it wasn't until somebody- Was Forbes out the front waiting for the Uber? Did he- So they were still out the back and I think they were like going to hit order when I kind of came back out.

So it wasn't until somebody else came to use the toilet that I was like, and they tried to open it and I was like, hey, like I'm actually locked in here. Like, do you mind getting someone or like a knife to try and like snip the lock back open or whatever? They're fucking all wasted. Anyway, I ended up getting out. I walk out like fucking James Franco from 127 hours. Like it's a fucking miracle I'm still alive.

The fact you survived and didn't die of dehydration or shock or just old age. No one even noticed I was gone. Like not even Torbs because I was just all chatting and whatever. You were chatting with the young party girls. Chatting with the party girls. And I started telling everybody what had happened. Did they give a fuck? And this fucking same little **** goes,

we thought maybe like you fell asleep or were like cleaning or something. I love this. Could she join the show? Bring her in. Isn't it so funny? It is actually very funny. Yeah. Did anyone have any sympathy?

Everyone was like, oh, are you okay? And I was like, oh, like I'm fine. I was just getting a bit stressed because I was like, oh, my God, like is someone going to come and get me? And I was fucking ready to go home. So I was like this is just dragging out how much longer I'm here. I could be home by now. Exactly.

We thought you went down for a nap. We thought you'd fallen asleep. Oh, old Nonna's just curled up on her favourite chair in the lounge room. Yeah, found a sunbeam. Watching the Golden Girls and put her blanket on. Fuck. Yep. And are you just completely demoralised by this point?

A hundred percent. And I was just like, I'm ready to go home. I've had a few drinks. I'm feeling sleepy. I'm not in party mode. I'm ready to go. And Job's like, mate, I'm so sorry. I didn't even.

And I was like, it's fine. You're at a party. Time feels different. He wasn't sitting there going, mate, I'm so sorry. I didn't even. And I was like, it's fine. Like, you're at a party. Like, time feels different. Like, he wasn't sitting there going, fuck, where is she? He's, like, still partying until I was ready to go. And he probably just thought I had diarrhea or something. Yeah, it's like, well. You know, like, whatever.

A couple of Palomas on a Saturday night. I'm all right. Exactly right. But anyway, no, it was just because I got locked in the toilet. No one fucking knew that I was gone. Yeah. So, bit of a humbling experience. I'm fine.

Are you? Yeah, I've recovered just. Did you cry when you got home? No, I didn't cry when I got home. Cried in the car. I got it all out in the Uber. Did you end up taking the girl? Yeah, it wasn't the same girl as somebody else, but yeah, we ended up-

Like, she added a stop or fucking something. I didn't even check how much that cost. She probably ended up getting a fucking- The Uber all the way to Geelong. Oh, so you got out first? Yeah. Oh, mate. She's probably still in it.

Yeah. Let's go to Bali. Yeah. In the Uber. Hey, it's Abby from Brisbane, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You might be seeing your name flick along the bottom of the video show down here, but a few in particular champion tapas that I'd love to say hello to.

Darcy Grant, thank you very much. Thank you. Monique De Rocha. Really? On the treddy. We've come back around. Lexi Whitlark, Mira Couchbeck, and Corinne Aitken. Thank you so much. And you guys have actually, you Couchbeck and Corinne Aitken. Thank you so much.

And you guys have actually, you're OG tarpers and you're fucking stuck around. So hopefully you're still loving the pod. Yep. And we'll see you on the 19th for our Christmas live stream. Yeah, absolutely. Also, Lexi, please check your Patreon DMs. A little personal one for me. I mean, it's too late now.

It's too late, but you'll shit yourself. Unfortunately, but yeah, you'll be upset. You'll shit yourself. Speaking of ways that this podcast can ruin your life. Yes. I've got a message here from Lockie. Hi, Lockie. He's just signed up for Patreon.

Oh, welcome, mate. I'm a truck driver. Oh. And I've recently discovered the podcast. Fucking 10-4. 10-4. 10-4. 10-4, rubber ducky, over. They would consume a lot of podcasts.

They're like the traditional talkback radio. Oh, because you're just driving all the time. Yeah. Keep your company, something to think about. Especially Outback Australia, it's like next slight turn in the road, 400 kilometres. Yeah. And also, even you just said talkback, there's like fucking parts of that drive that don't even get ABC.

Yeah. Like there's just fucking nothing. So here I am, says Lockie, midway between Melbourne and Townsville. Where's Townsville? North Queensland. That's a huge, that's a 20-plus hour drive. That's a huge drive. And I'm trying to.

What are you hauling, Lockie? He's hauling like, he drops off like caravans. Oh, shit. So it's like trucks on the track. Yeah, fuck. So I'm in the middle of nowhere, not feeling the greatest, in brackets, servo food. Am I right?

Fuck, you'd eat some crook food. You'd eat some crook food. And then also you're like, oh, next stop, 200Ks, and you're like. You're like, well, I can't risk not getting something here. What if there's nothing at the next place? Oh, I mean like if you've got a crook guts. Oh, have you ever been to a truck stop bathroom? Or like had to, you know, like.

Well, I've travelled the Nullarbor, so yes, but also the distance between those. Yeah. Yeah, no, you're shitting on the side of the road. So I'm trying to find a rest area when Ryan does a series of high-pitched moans, which doesn't sound like me. Oh. High-pitched.

Though you have been known to go, before. Don't do that. You have done that. Oh, sorry. That might be triggering something. Oh. I burst out laughing and in the process shit my pants in the truck.

The pressure from laughing was just too much. I could not stop the brown tsunami. Says Lucky the Truck. That is graphic. So here I am on the side of a busy highway, pants full of shit, and I'm trying not to get sprung by by passers-by while I sort myself out. Because if a truckie sees another truckie randomly, like, just, oh, hey, mate, everything all right?

Everything all good, yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Keep driving, asshole. Fuck off. So I thought that shitting on the side of the road was bad. I think shitting in the truck is probably worse. Yeah, and then trying to, like, you know, like. Scoop it off.

Scoop it out. Flick it onto the side of the road. Oh. You don't like to see that. And because you're sitting in the car, you still have to get back in the truck. Like, you're on the club. You've got to sit on that. But also, you're going to sit in it?

Like, do you have a spare pair? Surely you'd have a spare pair. Like, you're away for a few days at a time. You'd probably have some spare pants, but you still have to sit on the seat. Still love you guys, but you don't love to see that. You don't love to see that. Lockie, fuck. Is there something we can do for Lockie?

Well, he has joined Patreon. Oh, so he's doing something for us. He said, Ryan, you do owe me some pants. Because he's got Patreon, we can message him through Patreon and we'll sort him something out. We'll organise something because that's... Yeah, I did share that one to the group and a lot of people said, oh, sounds like you need a tower.

And I'm not sure if he's up to that part yet. And ironically, he'll get up to this part in like three months because he started at the start. So everyone's like, just you wait, mate. Just you fucking wait. Fuck. And I shat in my new car. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. And I shat in my old car as well. My old Yaris, remember? There is. When I had Gastro. Oh, we remember. And I said to Torb, oh, I just shut myself and he said, I know.

I know. He's such a sweetheart. Speaking of new cars. Oh, did you finally buy a car? No, I didn't. But Tapa Danielle. Hey, Tapa Danielle. Has just bought her very first brand new car.

Oh, fuck, how exciting. She's pumped. She's proud. Congratulations. She's feeling good. Danielle has just bought her very first brand new car. Oh, fuck. How exciting. She's pumped. She's proud. She's feeling good. Fuck yeah. But the Tony and Ryan podcast has ruined the experience for me.

We aren't responsible for anything. We aren't. What are you, a Gen Z? Take some accountability. Bless up, Talia. When you bought your fancy new Audi, and I'm not actually taking the piss, there is like all the gadgets and features and it does cool shit. Do they like, you have a little session where they like teach you about that?

Oh, 100%. Yeah. Actually, the guy who taught me how to use the car is a TikToker. Really? Like just by chance. Yeah. And he was like, oh, so what do you do for work? And I was like, oh, I have a podcast. And he was like, oh, so what do you do for work? And I was like, oh, I have a podcast. And he was like, oh, have you?

And I think he was kind of like, have you? And I was like, yeah, I've got a podcast. Oh, and we do TikTok, we do Instagram and stuff. He's like, oh, I'm on TikTok. And he had seen our videos and he's a really nice guy. We follow each other on Instagram and stuff now. We chat. Yeah.

So as a non-car user, I didn't realize that you have this like relationship with people and they teach. It's like a little, yep. And there's this cool new thing because I would be the person that would have, example, Photoshop. It can do 5,000 things. Yeah. I know how to do three of them.

Yeah. And they want to know that you're like, because I'm sitting there going, oh, wouldn't it be great if it did this? It probably does. It probably does. And I would just never know. So I love this. And so Danielle, it's her first new

brand, new car, and she's like, how good's this? This person comes over, she's going to teach me about this. You sit with them for like an hour. Yeah, and they teach you through the whole thing. And if you ask any questions and you go, can it do that? They go, yeah, I think it can. And they like figure it out with you. It's actually such a cool thing.

TAR for Danielle continues. Yeah. Oh. As the saleswoman is showing me how things work and how do I connect the apps in my phone to the system and blah, blah, blah. Connecting your phone is like you need a fucking PhD to do it. Yeah. But once you've done it, you're good. Once you've done it, it just clicks in as soon as you get in the car and it's fine.

But actually fucking setting it up the first time, you need 57 passcodes and fucking whatever. but actually fucking setting it up the first time you need 57 passcodes and fucking whatever. So the saleswoman is showing me how I can access apps for, example, Spotify. And she opens it. Well, that's a great app and it's the only one that we use. Yep. I've been playing TARP on my way and it was last Friday. The Tony and Ryan podcast.

Yep. When this innocent human is showing me how to use my car, the words eaten out your mum are showing on the seven inch screen, which we are both fully locked in and focusing on. Because she's like, for example, it shows you the name of the podcast on the screen. Push this button. There's no way that she, did she maybe do that and then do this?

No, because she was then like explaining like, see the text up there? That's the episode title. And then if you click here, that'll click. And so it's like right across the middle of the screen. There's no way she didn't say it. And they were on it for like minutes. And the whole time Danielle was just sitting there being like, kill me now. Because that was the name of last Friday's episode, Eden and I, which even when we decided

that was the name, we looked at each other and were like, are we doing this? Are we doing this? And we were, and we did it, and we locked it in, and that's why you all saw it. And so she's then talking about how to adjust the volume so the podcast is playing. So it is quite obvious and the volume's going up and down. She's like, yeah, if you want to reduce it here,

there's a button on the steering wheel. And then so she hasn't like directly mentioned it, but of course she's seen it, right? And then you're kind of waiting for that like acknowledgement. Bit of a weird one or something. The lady teaching Danielle how to use her car then says. Because remember, this is Danielle's first car. And such an exciting time.

Yeah. Because it's got the big bow on it and everything. Yeah. And the sales lady is doing a great job. it's got the big bow on it and everything, yeah. And the sales lady's doing a great job. She's leaning into that excitement and saying, the best thing about this, the best thing about- The best thing about having your own car is you can listen to whatever you want and no one can judge you. Sounds like there is a bit of judgment there, Trudy.

Thank you very much. And she goes, yep, I can and obviously have been until now. You know when you hear those horror stories about people getting in the car and the last thing you watched or listened to comes up and maybe you had some alone time before jumping in the car and it says, you know, hot milf seduces teen stepson or whatever, she probably thought it was porn. Who the fuck knows?

Trudy probably thought that Talia had been having a sesh before going in there and it's played the most recent thing. Yeah, she's Googled eating out your mum because that's what she's into apparently. And that's fine, no judgement. But don't listen to it in front of somebody else. Yeah, on the bus on the way to pick up your first car. Yeah.

Oh, so do we have to? There's like 57 other features. Oh, they all sound great. Thank you. So you've got to go. Bye. What's the accelerator? Which one's that?

You haven't paid for it yet. Thank you. So you got to go. Bye. What's the accelerator? Which one's that? See you. You haven't paid for it yet. Oh, so do we also have to organize something for Talia? Because that's quite stressful. You keep saying Talia. It's Danielle. Oh, is it? Yeah.

Well, you do now. Fuck. Danielle. Yeah, we will organize something. Why do I keep saying Talia? I said Tapa, Danielle. Oh, maybe that. Sorry, Danielle. Fuck. And I'm not going to cut it Tapa, Danielle. Oh, maybe that. Sorry, Danielle.

Fuck. And I'm not going to cut it out because Franco's cutting this, not me. Danielle will organise something. Maybe we could get Danielle one of those little magic tree things. You know, those like car scent things. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, oh, maybe we should set her up with a date with Lockie to say thanks, but he just shat himself, so maybe give him some air out time.

Yeah, yeah, he needs a break. Yeah. Wow. Danielle, Lockie, so sorry. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Thanks for listening and hopefully you're still here. Yeah. Hopefully you haven't given up on us.

Well, I feel it's the opposite. It's like, well, if you can get through that with us. Yeah, it's downhill from there. I mean, it gets easier. Yeah. Both. Do you think we should take a straw poll of, like, whether people agree that, like,

the podcast should have graphic as fuck names or not? Yeah, because. Do we need to lay off the graphic titles? No, I agree because I. I like them, but also I don't listen to the podcast in public. Well, the public thing, I also think the same about books. Yeah. You need to think, and you're an author.

Yes, I am. And yours is very, like, fun and happy and it looks great. Thank you for saying that. But you've got to have a think about, like, do you want someone to read this on a train? Yeah, like are they picking this up? Yeah. Like especially not just sexy names because obviously

if it's an adult novel and it's called, like, Dick Suckers United, you're not going to read that. So call it like, you know. Trudy reads that book, definitely. But call it like, you know, A Warm Night. You know, just something generic-ish. You know, like, Clitlit like that, though. That's what it's called, Clitlit. The sales of, like, that romance genre of books went up, up like 7 million percent when Kindles became a

thing. Because of this? Because people could read it on the train and they weren't embarrassed to go into a bookstore and buy it, but you could buy it in the privacy of your own home. And, you know. That's such a good point. And so in the. So same kind of thing. Yeah. And in the business world, I've just had a business idea. I'll tell it to you in 30 seconds. Okay. In the business world, right. You know how a lot of books are like motivational stuff? Yeah. It can be a little bit cringe. Yeah, 100%.

And so sometimes there's a really good book with great advice and great interesting stories. But the title is just so floggy. So floggy or like you're kind of outing yourself. Yeah. So imagine the book's called Advice for People with Very Poor Communication and Bad Personal Skills. Yeah. You're not going to be like, oh, that guy's an asshole.

I think I'm about to trump your business idea, unfortunately. Please. In Japan, because I've actually been several times, when you buy a book in Japan, they sell it to you and they fold you a book cover and this generic book cover goes over it so that no one can see the title or the cover of the book so it's like a privacy thing so no matter what you're reading no matter what kind of book you buy it's got like a paper insert over the front so you could sit there and hold it but it's just like blank on the front so my business idea is

that however instead of it being blank it's just like something else the front. So my business idea is that. However, instead of it being blank, it's just like something else. So when you're reading your clip, it's like advanced neuroscience techniques for smart people. Yeah, I like that. And so you're just like. Have you seen that viral tweet? And it's like, how to fall asleep in five seconds and the chicks asleep on the train. And it's like, obviously the book works. I actually have wanted to do a skit for ages where it's like you get

a cover and it's like how to pick up chicks on a bus and you're on the bus reading the book and you're like. I think that's been done. Does it? I think it has been. That's a real shame. But, I mean, all great ideas are great ideas because someone else has already done them.

Every time I think of a great app and it already exists, I'm like, hey, I'll take that win. I'll take that win? I came up with a great idea. because someone else has already done them. Every time I think of a great app and it already exists, I'm like, hey, I'll take that win. I'll take that win? I came up with a great idea. That's my idea, but someone did it 15 years ago. Congratulations to Andre Uber who got there first. No, but imagine if I went, oh, my God, wouldn't a rideshare app be a great idea and it already exists?

And you're going to take that as a win. No, but then I go, oh, my God, well, I had the same great idea as, like, another person. Just because someone else had it first doesn't mean it isn't still a great idea. That is true. That is true. See? How to communicate as a bad communicator, whatever you said.

Yeah, well, I obviously knew that book. Speaking of books, my love to see it for today is a message that I got from Courtney on Instagram. Hey, Courtney. Hey, Tony, been listening to your podcast from the start. I've messaged a few times and deleted it because I feel like a fuckhead. Oh, this is big Tony energy here. And I was just like, oh, my God, please don't feel that way. She goes on to say, but I got so excited about your book

that I lined it up for my book club to read it as soon as it comes out. So Courtney's part of a book club and she's like, all right, I'm already penciling in that in March next year we're going to do Tony's book as our as it comes out. So Courtney's part of a book club and she's like, all right, I'm already pencilling in that in March next year. We're going to do Tony's book as our book of the month. Another lies I've told myself. Available on all good pre-order book websites, including Booktopia and Book Depository. Nice.

Thank you very much. I'll give you your payment later. Thank you. And she said, don't you love to see that? I do fucking love to see that. Thank you so much. That is great. And if you would like to privately read my book, I give you permission to put a cover over the front of it if you don't you love to see that? I do fucking love to see that. Thank you so much. That is great. And if you would like to privately read my book,

I give you permission to put a cover over the front of it if you don't want people to know. So the catch-22 here is it is great advertising to see other people reading your book. Totally, yeah. And what a thrill. Like imagine if you were out in public and you saw someone carrying my book.

Like wouldn't that be amazing? If I see you in public reading Tony's book, I will come over and mercilessly mock you. If I see someone, here's a promise. If I see someone in public reading my book, I'll buy you a coffee or a drink or wherever we are. Because it's not going to fucking happen. Well, you never catch public transport or go out of the house.

That was unnecessarily rude and weird. Well, but like you won't see anyone on the bus because you don't catch a bus. So is that the only place people can read? No one would be sitting at a cafe or, like, at the airport or... Oh, OK, yeah, yeah. All right. And basically a plane is public transport.

It's the ultimate public transport. So, thank you. It's the most expensive. Yeah, OK. Where do people read books? I literally just said a cafe, like, on a plane. Do people read in a cafe? I do.

Is that a little cliche? Oh, I would. When was the last time you read in a cafe? Whenever I'm, like, if I'm by myself, I normally will have, like, my iPad, which has, like, my books on it. Yeah, because, yeah, as a non-reader, I, like, don't get it. Yeah. But I feel like there's a lot of, like, in a movie it's, like,

that's what they do, but I just don't know if I'd see that in real life. It's anywhere that you'd play on your phone. Yeah for smart people. Phones for people who have purpose. Phones are available. Yeah but like anywhere that you would sit on your phone to like kill time people would. Yeah. And Tony will buy it well mate.

Well if I see you with it. Move a little extra money into the miscellaneous account because you're going to run this town drive caffeine. Nah, well, I think that's nice, but now I'm fucking stressed. No, it's really nice. In person. It's a big call. In person.

Should I tell everyone in the cafe downstairs? Because you imagine there's 100 people reading it. Every Tuesday morning. Yeah, Tuesday morning walk down and you go, oh, fuck. Oh, you caught me. Another round. Everyone's on the house. I will love to see when I say that out and about.

Yeah, it will be exciting. My love to see it is Tarpatilli the teacher. Tarpatilli the teacher. She's in Scotland and she's only 29 years old. You'll know why that's important in a second. Her class is very sweet, but they seem very concerned that she's not married. Heaven forbid a 29-year-old's not married. She's single.

They were concerned that I might be lonely. It is kind of sweet. Do we know how old the class is? I'm getting the vibe. I'm guessing quite young. Six, seven-year-olds. Yeah. Early primary school.

Yeah. And she explained to them that like, oh, it's fine. I'm actually quite happy. I prefer living alone. Like at this stage of my life, it's all good. So you guys don't need to worry about me. And they went, okay. Skip forward a couple of months.

I decided to bring my new Tony and Ryan Frank Green water bottle into school. And they all commented about the lovely new water bottle. And they noticed Tony and Ryan's faces on the water bottle. But one of them, because it's Harper Tilly, the teacher, has a top knot and glasses. She was like, oh, is that you and your boyfriend, I assume? So they were like, oh, who are these people? That must be you and your new partner.

We've gotten that a few times, people that have said, oh, are you and your husband on your water bottle or you and your wife? Yeah. I was about to correct the child and say, no, it's a podcast from Australia. But before I could, this other child yelled out going, it can't be her boyfriend because she doesn't have one and she's happy about it.

Little feminist hero. She's actually really happy about it, I'll have you know. No, she prefers it that way. Which, again, she does. How beautiful. She's 29, whatever. How nice, though, that they went into bat for us straight away. You don't fucking say that about her.

You don't say that about Tarpatilli the teacher. Yeah, Tarpatilli the teacher. Don't assume that. She's fine on her own. She loves it, actually. Yeah, she prefers it. Bless. Bless up.

Bless up. Slay, slay, slay. Another day, another slay. Another hot regards. I don't know what they said. Scorching regards. I do love to see that. That's very sweet.

It's beautiful. Bless. And thank you, Tarpatilli, the teacher from Scotland, for sharing that with us. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for listening or watching or... End of the video show. ...hanging around for the week. We fucking love to see it.

Next week is our last week before we do a couple of the video show....hanging around for the week. We fucking love to see it. Next week is our last week before we do a couple of throwback episodes. So we'll be on next week. And on Monday, we are talking about... I'm really hoping that I have something here. The movie. Christmas movies. I can tell you what it is. It's been won.

What is it? The Santa Clause. Yes! Damn it. I was really hoping, and I've already watched it, that it was going to be the new Lindsay Lohan one. Oh, it did. Right.

And, I mean, it's not the movie for us, but, hey, there's a few weeks till Christmas, holiday. Chuck it on. There's a lot of, like, fucking tragic Christmas movies on Netflix and Stan at the moment. And this is one of them. Yeah. The Santa Claus.

Oh, you mean the Lindsay Lohan one? The Lindsay Lohan one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But tragic in, like, the best. Yeah. The Santa Claus. Oh, you mean the Lindsay Lohan one? The Lindsay Lohan one. Oh, yeah, yeah. But tragic in, like, the best of ways. Oh, yeah. Like, awfully stupid, but great. Dumb, but great. It's a straight-to-TV, straight-to-DVD Netflix movie.

It did not go to the cinema. No, absolutely not. I will, though. I love a Christmas movie. Well, and it's, like, Lindsay Lohan, and she's cute and fun. Oh, yeah. And I love her and stuff. But the story is just...

I did actually just buy matching pyjamas for Toran and she's cute and fun. Oh, yeah. And stuff. But the story is just. I did actually just buy matching pyjamas for Torbs, Pippa and I for Christmas. That is fucking adorable. Yeah. I'll show you them. I'll actually save it for next week. Please. Yeah.

Please. Fucking love you. It will be the Santa Claus though. So watch it this weekend. So watch the Santa Claus over the weekend. Tim Allen. Great movie. Everyone's seen it, but it's fucking fantastic. Fucking love you.

I will chat to you then. Bye. Bye. Love you. Bye.