Toni and Ryan - Peculiar Places People Have Peed

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

Rich suburbs & chicken shops - Weird piss places - Birthday party clue #1 - love ya!!!!!Video for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Peculiar places you've pissed. The 7-Eleven worker at Heidelberg said the toilets were for staff only. Yeah. I lied and said I was pregnant and he let me use it. I wasn't pregnant. I was just fat. Hi, I'm Maudie. This is Jeff.

We're from Oxford in the UK. Hi, this is Heidi from Perth, Australia. Hi, this is Maddie from Caroline Springs. And we approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, bestselling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan John. It is a pleasure to have you.

If you have to pretend to be sort of professional at work, well, you don't have to hear. You can be your true silly self. Well, I'm at work and I have to be a little bit professional, don't I? No. Nah, I heard last week's episodes. And let me tell you, there is not a veneer of professionalism going on here. Sorry about that. But having said that, last week, my data chat has been off the rickety-rickder, right?

The data chat? Well, because you remember, I guessed that Jessica, was like the number one name of Atapa. People were so proud of you in the comments, by the way. I watched that back and genuine emotion on my face in the video, but also when I was watching it and reminded of that. But I do have some more data chat. So there's this thing online about how to tell

whether you live in a rich suburb or a poor suburb. Have you seen this? There's a few going around, but is it right up my alley? Well, it's pretty fucking relevant for all of us. Okay. If you live in a suburb with a yotech, you're in a rich suburb. And if you live in a suburb with a red rooster, you live in a poor suburb. The original divide was KFC versus Red Rooster.

I see. And there's literally a line through Sydney where Red Roosters exist to the left and KFCs exist to the right. So this is a similar thing. Or as they call them in Maps, chat, eastern west. It's just different suburbs. Yeah. But I... Where do you live in Australia?

Left. I live in a KFC territory. Left Australia. But I have a new thing to enter into the conversation. Because I've got huge news for reservoir people right. Right now. We got a Zambis. We got a motherfucking Zamboreros in Reservoir.

Where does that mean? Are you rich or not? What does Embarros mean? Well, that's what I want to know. What do you reckon? Well, you've got a KFC down the street from your place. We do. I've heard since someone who's driven home from your house.

Apparently. there might be a KFC there. I'm leaving a bit late. Oh yeah, I'll just grab a snack and learn. Yeah, oh no, all good. Zamboreros is huge. Zamboros is huge. The other thing that I reckon is a bit of a spanner in the works for reservoir is the El Janna.

So we've got KFC El Janna and now a Zambis. What does that mean? Because El Janna is like... That's fancy chook. Nah. What? No, it's... El Juj is fancy chook.

No, it's amazing chook. It's heart is from West Sydney. But it's charcoal chicken. That's fancy chook. No. Yeah, I believe so. Charles, what? No, because the new thing in Sydney at the moment is El Janna versus Chagallies.

Yeah, so Chagallis is the eastern suburbs and El Janna is the west. Take my eyes. Its roots are in the west. Take my eyes before you make me decide between the two of them. I would die for both chicken franchises. I think you just haven't seen the origin story of Al Janna. So. You know when you watch it, like when we watched,

who's the Dalmatian who steals the dog chick? Cruella DeVille. You know how we watch the villain origin story and then you get a different side of the story? Well, it's two sides to every story. And the truth is. So Al Janna didn't like start in a rich town. Yeah, which I did know that. It came from the streets.

But it's... You can taste that in the chicken. It's a hardworking chicken. That's what I mean. fucking the best chicken there is, but it comes from the heart and it comes from the soul and it comes from the streets. It's a working chook. You're a working chook. I will back you up on the, what did you say, the yochi?

The yochie is for fancy girls. Is it that the brand? Is it specifically yotee Charles? Yeah, because in Altham we've got two knock off yochis. Yo bar's not the same. Yeah, we got a yo bar. But also we used to have a red rooster in Altham and they closed it down because when the median house price ticked over 900 thousand they're like well we can't have a red rooster yeah and they replaced it with a hungry jacks

oh yeah oh oh oh oh no red rooster and hungry jacks are the same to me yeah and for all i know it's the same franchise or it's just like they just close because the red rooster was there oh pop a chicken out the front instead of a burger because they opened a kFC when we went above 900000 median um what are the clearance rates like um um um um 73% over the weekend. Oh, that's amazing. They opened a KFC 100 metres from Red Rooster. So who the fuck's going to Red Rooster anymore?

And you've got KFC. Yeah. No, that is fair. The Colonel. Yeah. From the Red Rooster. And he just beckoned you in. Come on, fellas.

Yeah. I know, I'm the grandfather of baby Rich Charles. Well, it's hard for me with the family ties I have to KFC. Yeah. It's like it would be pretty fucked up for me to not be KFC. I've just realized that you. that you're the air to both Toblerone and KFC. Oh, yeah.

This diamond on my hand, mate. I mean, more where that came from. Wow. Last week, I said, where's the weirdest place you've pissed? I don't know if that was in a cough syrup high or the week before or where we happened. But I...

Who knows? I blurted, and I forgot that I asked that, but then all these comments started coming through. And I was like, have I asked for this? And it turns out I did. Yeah. And because I love alliteration, I would like to introduce

Peculiar places you've pissed. Now these are tarpers. What's the weirdest for you that comes to mind? Oh. You couldn't keep track. No. Yeah. Where it's in a toilet for me is strange.

Not your pants. Yeah. Not your pants. Probably in the Sprite bottle in the back of a V-Line bus. Oh, yeah. Was up there between two train carriages. That was like a Friday night regular. Because she had pre-drinks and alfellon.

and you catch a train into the city and what you're going to like not piss for 40 minutes on the train when you've been crushing goon and lemonade? I don't think so. You're a different boy before I knew you. Where else have I pissed? I've probably pissed weird places with you. Well, yeah, probably. We've done a lot together.

So much. All bases. All the way through. Yeah. Yeah. So these are all tarpers, Tony and Ryan podcasters, who have shared. where they've pissed. And we're pissed.

Yeah. And we piss with you. We're not pissing at you. We're pissing with you. Sorry, I just heard Tommy laugh. Heather Wells. Hi, Heather. My 24-7 gym is in between my house and where the bars are. One time we're on our way from pre-drinks at my house going into bongo.

Is that like bingo loco? It is, but in Manchester or Newcastle. or somewhere up there. It's like, I was wasted, dressed as donkey from Shrek. I had to pee between all these people

doing squats and bicep curls rolls in a really drunk donkey running to the bathrooms. Luckily she had her access pass on her. Must have been on her keys or something. And there are actually a lot of people saying, oh, my 24-7 gym is come in handy. That's good, though.

I think that's really good. Peter Lorry. Hi, Peter. Peter. P-E-T-A. Oh, Peter. Yeah.

Nice. I love the name Peter. Like, you know how I've got like a bisexual name like Tony-Toney? Yeah, Peter, I like that too. Yeah, and this is a local one because this was a 7-Eleven in Heidelberg. And I think I know the one, which is ironically just down from the K-F-C. 11 in Heidelberg. On the corner of that street and the other one across the road from the shopping centre.

But the same. server. Oh, opposite Northland. Oh, the Heidelberg. Oh, the Heidelberg shopping center. No, no, no, no. Hidalberg. You're thinking of West or Heights or something. Like Heidelberg, Heardelberg. Yep. Like over near the hospital.

Yep. Like where my skin doctor is. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. No, I totally know. So. It's exactly where I said on the corner of the road and the other road. It is. Because that's Wuringle Shopping Centre. So they're on Burgundy Street. Yeah. That is my asshole doctor. He's in there. Yeah. And over that park, that's

who my skin doctor is. No, there, Charles, down there. Yeah. Right. Isn't that amazing? Oh, I know what are you talking about. Well, now you can really picture this next story. That's a nice little fucking pocket, isn't it?

Oh, Heidelberg. Heardleburg. Because when you hear Heidelberg West, you go, well, no. But Heidelberg, yes. Heidelberg Heights, probably not. Hardleburg, West, not. Absolutely not. North Heardleberg during daylight.

But Heidelberg. Hardleburg is fantastic. Yes. It's really fancy. Yeah. And when we were looking for houses, we looked at a few in Hardleburg, like on the app. And so Bridge goes, oh, Harderberg, cool. And then she goes, oh, here's like, Harderberg West, probably the same, right? And I was like, no. Because you think that.

Yeah. From an out of town and you would be like, well, what's the fucking different? Totally. How can a place that's Hardleburg, great, Ivanhoe great, Hardleburg West, no. Yeah. Because Ivanhoe, you go, oof. Oof. And I'm glad we picked the good one of those to have our office in. Yeah. I'm proud to be.

But we work during the day. Yeah. Yep. Except for tarpathons and weekends and nights. Yeah. And then we leave together when it's nighttime. Yeah. Anyway, the 7-Eleven in Heidelberg.

The 7-Eleven worker at Heidelberg said the toilets were for staff only. And some servos will say that because I don't want anyone rocking up willy-nilly. Yeah. Drunk people pissing everywhere. Yeah. Well, because it's... I actually get it. And also, when you go to the servos,

and you ask for the key and it's on like a car hubcap or like an old dolly, you know, it's like crazy. I lied and said I was pregnant. He felt really sorry for me and he let me use it. Yep. I wasn't pregnant. I was just fat. Storia, my love.

Yeah, slave. Get it, Peter. I mean, yeah. Pros and cons, silver lining, swings and roundabouts, you know. It's so true. All comes out in the wash. Yeah. And it scares people, I think.

You go, I'm actually, and they go, oh, I'm not, I'll fuck with that. Yeah. And the guy goes, fucking just go. Yeah, it's fine. You should try that. I will. Probably have, you know. Britney.

Spears? No, Des Jardons. Oh. So. Every day after I drop my son at school, I go to the McDonald's to pee. I needed to go two days in a row. once and I've sort of Pavlov dogged myself and now every time I drive near that Mac is my bladder goes yep here we go safe yeah safe space to need to wait yeah um after dropping a kid off that's

that's that's school traffic hmm what are you gonna do sitting that traffic on the way home and pitch yourself in the car yeah well not absolutely not would you just like if you walked your kid into school would you just wee at the school yeah got you oh but pissing in a school especially like Full of kids. Not, you can we're at a school where your kids go to. Kids are punks. Kids are punks. Kids are punks, though.

So a primary school. They're probably like giving nipple cripples, like dunking kids head in the trough, like spitting shit, taking photos of the top going, oh, she poos. Yeah, probably. Kids, man. I reckon a primary school if you walk your kid in is fine. But imagine if you're dropping your kid off at high school and they're like, don't walk in with me, mum.

Yeah, exactly. the fuck away from me, mum. You know what I mean? And then you're like, no, I just need to do a little way. Oh, Tony, why's your mum here? Oh, because she needs to shit. Because she's come back from the dead. Yeah, she really need to go to the toilet.

She's like, no toilets in heaven. If I come back to Earth for one day, the one thing I need to do is take a shit at Rollystone Secondary College. Raleysone District High School is what it was called. It's so close. My sincerest apologies. It's not called that anymore, but I will let it slide. It was called Rolestown District High School when I was

What's called now? I think it's called Rolly Stone. It's like a all... Secondary College. It's like an all... It is called a college now, I think, but it's like an all-year school. Rolly Stone Community College. Community College, which just sounds like that fake American thing.

Yeah. What they call tapes. Yeah. Like you go to college, but not really. Yeah. Super Tafe. Sarah Dean is from London. Hi, Sarah Day.

Oh, you sound like you're from London. I popped a squad. in a park dressed as Sydney Lorper on the way to a roller disco. Who? Cindy Lorpa. Sydney Lorper. Can't be Noah. Yeah.

I heard from a loudspeaker. Girl, you're on camera. I looked up and I was right in front of a CCTV camera. P.P. TV. You get good money for that on the right website. Yeah. Yeah, you should shop that around. Sydney Lauver takes piss.

You're like, oh, hello. What's a Sydney Lawfer song? You with the sad, true colors shining through. And I see your true colors. Nice. Shunning through. Or girls just want to piece in the park. Oh, girls just piece in the park.

Just want to. They just want to. Piss. Hi, I'm Mordie. This is Jeff. We're from Oxford in the UK. Hi, this is Heidi from Perth, Australia. Hi, this is Maddie from Caroline Springs.

You'll need to turn your line. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Probably all living on the correct side of the tracks with bloody KFCs and Zambreros and Noel Janus. That's all right. All good. All good. All good. Lucas G, good on your Lucas.

Dallas Van Bale, good on you, Dallas. And what a great fucking name. What a movie star name. Introducing Dallas Van Bale. That is a movie star name. Jared McQuake, also a movie star name. Do you know that Jared McQuag just got it? Are you okay?

I'm trying to find the clue. Oh, I've got it. Found it. Yes, Slay. Are you... I'm back. Should I keep going? Yeah.

Jared McQuig? Hardly know him. Well, he just got a tattoo. of us. He did. Yes. He did get a tattoo of us. He also, when Mabel was born, ordered me a homemade lasagna.

Lasagna for me and Bridget to have, which was very nice that I definitely didn't have too many lasagnas during that phase of my life. And that's good. But he was actually really good. So thank you. Well, and, you know, so was some of the lasanas that you got. Oh, and Tony's was also great. Yeah.

Jared and Tony, top two. Jake Ryan, good on you, Jake. Emma Iris. Thanks, Emma. Two Paws, Chapur. Love that for you. Randy Guthrie, Chloe Maui Gowa and Ella. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon.

We absolutely love to say it. Yeah, thank you. Now, it's your birthday. It's your birthday. I'm going to spend my money. Just did my own open-off for this. We're turning five. We're turning five.

Our birthday party is this Sunday. It is somewhere in the world. You're invited. It's free. You just need to figure out where it is. And then you get a ticket. It's free, but you need a ticket. Tickets are $0,

but you need a ticket because we're doing a paint and sip. We're doing a painting party. And we've only got so many aprons. Yeah, and you actually get to get your own turt, you know, Ryan apron on the day. We're going to record a podcast there as well, and we'll be hanging out. Food?

TBC. Well, it was because I believe there was some chat in the... There has been some chat, but... Are we not confirmed? Are we not confirmed? Yeah. The honeycomb is expensive. Is TBC.

And may or may not be. common in this part of the world. Yeah. I did ask about smuggling some comb. Legal Lil obviously said no. She shut that right now. That's okay. All good. But so because it's somewhere in the world and you, everyone's invited, you just have to find us. Our clues begin today.

Yep. And because the word search was not an official clue. Here's clue one. It's a bit of a poem. And it rhymes. Isn't that funny? about a poem. Actually, it's not a poem. It just rhymes. The city where Tony... Should you do a bit and then I do the next bit? Like, a bit poetic. Okay, do you want to go

top line or bottom line? You know I want to go to the bottom. Okay. Yeah. Starfish for life. Hey, it gets it done. All right. The city where the Tony and Ryan podcast turns five. Is the city where green gardens always seem to thrive. If your flag has read, you guessed it right arrive from Melbourne on a direct flight oh shit

should we do that again for those playing long at home yep the city where the Tony and Ryan podcast turns five is the city where green gardens always seem to thrive if your flag has red you guessed it right

arrive from Melbourne on a direct flight. I feel like we're on Play School and that's really fun. It's really fun. Who's your favorite cameo on Play School? I don't know if it's a cameo, but I used to love Anita. Like she had the gray curly hair.

I loved Anita and she always wore these like purple t-shirts and stuff. I loved her so much. I'm also a big fan of Colin. Yeah. And he commented on an Instagram video of ours last year. And that was my love to say it for the whole year. Wow. Yeah.

Mabel loves and. I don't know when you're the new lady. Like, I don't know anyone that's right now. That's why I said guests because Tim Minchin does a random episode. Cool. And now Mabel gets on her little piano and just pretends to be him. That is so fucking adorable.

And creativity is just so important. Well, there's a series called, What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up? And he does one where like, you can be a singer or a painter and like all creative stuff. And there's another one about health services. And there's another one about, the one about different kinds of doctors, which is probably also enough. And Mabel's going to be a doctor and a tradie and a musician. And Moana. Yeah, and we, yesterday. It's a popular job for kids now.

It got a little bit quiet and Bridget goes, what the fuck are those other two doing? Oh, like you were, so she walks into Mabel's room, BJ's on the ground at my feet, I'm sitting on Mabel's bed. She's standing on the bed doing my hair. Oh. Yeah, and she gave me a frozen, like, the colours and stuff like they have in frozen like the big braid yeah but she like we've got a clip that's like fun colors and a braid so she like clipped that on so it looked like i had a ratty that's fun but she was like just doing my hair and like getting ready in the salon and then we switched and i did her hair oh that's very fun it was very like is that okay to you yeah so it's very quiet in the house how's that feeling can i get you a cup of tea you know that kind of thing

um so if you want to find us that's the clue to find us at our birthday yep um we would love to see you And the tickets go on not sale but sale Thursday. At 4pm. Our time. Our time. Melbourne time. Local Melbourne time for us. So we'll do a little.

Local Melbourne time for us in Melbourne. I just, we've got to be fucking clear because the other day I didn't know when the party was. Because I thought that it were, do you know what I mean? And the party is this Sunday afternoon, their time. Local time to them. If you're in that place.

If you're there. I mean, it's just, no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. Shut the fuck. Local time in that time zone. Well, not. Yes. Yeah. I've got an update.

What about? And one thing I love about the Tapa community is that hasn't it been interesting to find out like how the Australian way of life might be different to other parts of world and go, we call it this, we cook it that way, you know. It's hot at Christmas. Yeah, all that kind of shit. And I think it's just really good when we all come together on a very, like, important topic and like share notes. Absolutely.

Oh my God, we contain multitudes. Yeah, so last week. Rich tapestry of tapestry. Rich tapestry of tapestry. Rich tapestry. Say less, you do beautiful, beautiful. Were you about to say disgusting? Yeah.

Yeah. No, I heard it. Yeah. Carry on. No, but you know when Matt press. in Master Chef. Disgustingly good. Yeah, it's disgustingly good.

And he smashes the plane on the ground. Yeah, it's too good to eat. That is disgusting. And the chick like starts to cry. Disgustingly gourd. There's a key and peel skit of that. Yeah. And he's like disgustingly good for a homeless shelter.

Oh. Of geniuses. And then after like 20 minutes, like so did you fucking. So which one is it? But the music goes down and then it goes up and it comes back down. Plays the instrumental strings, like the inspirational. Yeah. And then do.

Yeah. So there was a scientific discussion we had on the show last week about like, sort of like health and wellness and how we move our bodies and stuff like that. I believe it was about two in the pink and one in the stink. How we move our bodies? Yeah. Now, it turns out it's got different names in different parts of the world. So, Charles, can you bring up the map?

Oh. Now, it turns out that in Australia, it's called the barracuda. Yeah, beauty. And then everywhere else in the world, it's called the shocker. I hardly know. Yeah, which is the two fingers, one down and then the little finger back up again. Because people message go, hey, man, I'm from Oregon, just letting you know that we call the barracuda the shocker.

And then someone goes, hey, I'm from France. Like, we call it. The shocker. And then I started collating. And it turns out everywhere else in the world, two in the pink, one in the stink is called the shocker as illustrated by this excellent map. I mean, that is a shocking name. Yeah. Like that is.

No, well, you can imagine you're getting fingered with two fingers. And then a little finger goes in your butt. That is a shock. Yeah, that would be a shock. That is a shock. If you weren't prepared for that. Yeah, that is a, dare I say, a shocker. Now, I hate to bring it down because I know that you've brought science in,

but I mean, it does seem like you're trying to get into my territory of data. And like, because I'm going quite, moving quite strongly through data at the moment, and it just feels like maybe you're trying to step on my toes there. That's a shocker to me. So I just wanted to, I just wanted to raise that. That I think that maybe you're trying to steal my thunder a little bit. Just let me have it. Let you have data.

premium. Who knew the data would be your area? Would your high school teachers be impressed? Or, dare I say it, shocking. Some of them could do with a good shocker, actually, I would say. Just to wake them up on a Monday morning? I don't think that, fuck. I'll be you there surprised.

I am functioning. Do you know? Exhibit A, that last sentence. Thank you, bro. Now, I'm hesitant. to continue because a lot of data chat I actually have some more data.

I love it. I love it. This is a data friendly zone. DFT. I'm DDF for the DFT. When else did we have data chat? It was like a year ago something came up about data.

I did data about something. I mean, it's a lot of scientific discussions. Was it data around a Chris Kringle present? Or some bullshit like that? We've had Charles go to Tapa said what and type in data. No, there's going to be so many things that come up with data.

Ironically. So many data points. There's literally an episode, I'm pretty sure, called Data. I hardly know her. I'm actually not even joking. I'm pretty sure that that's an episode title. I'm trying to look for Tarpa said what, but I just keep seeing that map that I made yesterday.

The Barracuda, yeah. I put a barracuda sign on that. Yeah, how did you make that? Dude, I'm fucking killing it on the graphics at the moment. I actually think now that I'm looking at the graphics. So for anybody that's not watching and you're just listening, it is like a cartoon display of the, two in the pink one in the stink like hand gestures.

I've seen that as a sticker on the back of a Nissan Navarra. And I didn't know what it meant. I thought it was like... Ever been in the back seat of a Nissan? No. Navarana. Navarna. I love Nirvana.

That's what happens. Charles, how do we go? There's 154 times it's come out in 66 episodes. There we go. Data's been mentioned a lot. Most dangerous ways to have sex. Spreading jism. is cheer.

Tony has scraped metadata. Is there an episode? Pray for a pool noodle. What the fuck do we talk about? Torbs is a liar? What? Ryan's threesome? Okay.

Yeah, Kate, this is good data. I'd love for you to share the rest of your data, though. All right. Oh. I have a board. Fun. And this is top five ways around the world to describe the shocker. I thought it was called the shocker everywhere.

To describe the shocker. shocker. Oh, as in like good or bad or not reveal yourself to me. Okay, well, it's, uh, because some people say two in the pink one in the stink, but other people say it different. Okay. So number five in top five ways to describe the shocker is two in the kitty, one in the shitty. One off to go over here. Can we still say that? There we go. Can I do one now that I know the format? What if it's on there though? Two in the puss and one in the n'n the nuss. Is that on there? It's not in there.

That should be number one now. Number four. Two in the snapper, one in the crapper. Number three. Two in the bush, one in the tush. I'm going to need you to slow down. I need a little bit more time to react, please. Two in the bush, one in the tush.

You've made Danielle write that. No, actually, I'm worse. Yesterday. Not that much, you go, oh, and I had to show it. We have to try these out. No, um, yesterday. No, shut the fuck us.

I need a second. I'm doing, you need to go slower for my small brain again. Yeah. So, yesterday, um, we went through all the comments and data, dare I say it. And Danielle and I had to figure out the top five from a list of 33. And let me say, of those 33, like 20. seven were pretty good. Narrowing these down.

Like we could have done multiple boards. All right. So number five, two in the kitty, one in the shitty. Beautiful. Number four, two in the snapper,

one in the crapper. Stunning. Number three, two in the bush, one in the tush. Love it. Are you ready for number two? Reveal it to me.

Two in the cootie, one in the booty. And the number one way to describe the shocker. Yep. Two in the baby maker, one in the paddy cakeer. Now, who's the king of d'artar on this show? You can have it.

Oh, I will say I really like two in the snapper, one in the crapper. That's so funny. Danielle, was there an honourable mention that you liked that didn't make the top five? Question without notice. There was so many. Yeah. Sorry for anybody that can't have Danielle, she just said, there were so many. Two in the square, one in the dirt.

That is fucked. Wow. It's an educational podcast. What was your one off the cuff? Two in the puss, one in the noose. That's good. Yeah, thank you so much. One more for funsies.

Yeah, please. Charles, you got one off the dome? Oh, no. Oh, okay. We like to have fun. Two in the bird, one in the turd. Two in the one, one in the two. That's clever.

That's a thinker. Two in the cocktaker. One in the shitmaker. Two in the blood, one in the mud. That might be my favorite. Really? I like that. No, that didn't.

Two in the skunk, one in the trunk. There's literally so many. I need to grow off and move on because I could literally... Two in town, one in the brown. Comment below your... Two in the hottie, one in the potty. Two in the hottie, one in the snotty. Two in the shoddy.

shoot one in the glute. Oh, I like that because that one feels scientific. Now, for a slight change of tone. I've got a really good, wholesome, you love to see it. Oh, fuck for that. From Simon Holder, Hardling Noah. Thank you very much, Simon, for setting this. It's so fucking cute.

I wanted to share something really cool. I have been wearing, and this is not planned. I have been wearing the Tony and Ryan Hens party cap, which Ryan is currently modelling on the show. since getting it at the live show and I've been stopped and chatted to by so many tarpers in the wild. Fuck yeah.

All over the UK and I travelled quite a bit for work even had someone buy me a drink and asked me to join their group as I was on my own. Like sitting there and goes, oh, I love that podcast. Do you want to join me and my friends? Isn't that so sweet? Simon says,

Tapa Allison, who bought a random guy a drink, made my evening such a legend. and tarpas are such cool people, it's great to meet you all, like, love you. Tarpas really are the best people in the world. But how cool that if you're wearing a hat without that someone would go? I love that show. Well, I'm going to wear this hat all day.

You should. You absolutely should. Isn't that so sick? Speaking of Tarpas being the best people in the world. Can we take the shocker? Actually, so fair. No, good call. Yeah, we don't need the...

Yeah, thanks, Charles. Yeah, thanks, Charles. I forgot it was up. Yeah, same. We've gotten so used to it. I looked back at them, ooh. Two in the crank, one in the skank. I like that.

Shout out to Tarp and Maddie. Speaking of Tarpers being the greatest people in the world. Maddie's a psychologist and she is also a volunteer. I don't know if you call them a volunteer, but guide dogs Victoria, some of the puppies they go and like stay in homes for a bit to kind of get a bit of practice. They get out of the house, you know, so to speak. Yep. And Maddie is at the moment taking care of little Tapa, our dog.

No, what? Tapa got Tapa. Yeah. So she every year will like have someone come stay for a few weeks here and there. So it's not a permanent long one. But either when the trainers are on a break or just to get some experience like, again, outside of the kennel. Yeah. So our little Tapa is staying with Tapa Maddie at the moment. And Maddie sent me some photos and said like, oh, like he's a funny little guy.

He's real cheeky. Like he's real nice. and Maddie is also a psychologist and she's been taking Tapa to work because you can't leave him like unattended. Yeah, well and I guess part of the experience for the dog is like going into a workplace and getting used to like different environments.

So this is what Maddie had to say. At work yesterday I was working with someone who's been struggling a bit, obviously psychologists, you know, some different people coming through. Little Tapa was laying next to him cuddling up at his feet half asleep. Little Tapa then farted, woke himself up, stood up and spanned around and barked.

Do you know how they kind of wake themselves up with a little fart? And they do like, who did that? Yeah, who? Hello? Yeah. Did you guys hear that? I'm scared. So Little Tapa did that and like barked and tried to bite his own tail as he spanned around to figure out who was fighting. It was like someone snuck up on me.

Yeah. The patient pissed themselves laughing. Put a huge smile on their face. And without going into detail, it's the first time in a long time that this person's had a reason to smile. or looked happy for a moment. So, Maddie said, and I quote,

maybe not the exact way therapy dogs are supposed to work, but the results were undeniable. He has a funny side to him, just like you guys. He's a little legend. He's such a sweetie, but he's also quite cheeky.

That is so, Charles, are you about to cry? No, but can I take care of him? Oh, no. Yeah, just for a few weeks. No. Not approved.

So, yeah, he's had, lots of experience with different women coming through. Yeah. The dog is very welcoming to guests that come around at night. Yeah, he's not offended when someone else does his style. Like, just everything's great. And for those of you playing along at home, TARPA is training to be either a guide dog or a therapy dog or a wellness support dog.

And we got to name him TARPA because Ryan raised so much money for the guide dogs after running. $35,000 we raised for his training. After Ryan ran 10K. So that's a huge win for us at the very base. But the fact that a tarpa is looking after tarpa, what a crazy coincidence. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Do we get to meet Papi Tarper again? Absolutely.

We're going to go to his graduation. So when he graduates, we'll actually go and they have a little ceremony and stuff. I'll be there. And he better throw his hat up in the air. Yeah. I'm going to be the crime. mom. I've got the video,

like the big cam quarter. Yep. Yep. So, he's doing really well though. Oh, I'm so proud of our son. Yeah,

same. A little sweetheart. I told Brian about him last night. Brum's like, he didn't want to know about it. Oh, no. Yeah,

it's like what you do. At work? Yeah, stays there. Yeah. No, bridge is the same with you and I. Do whatever you do,

just don't bring it home. Yeah. I don't need to hear about that. Yeah. Yeah. So, I appreciate that. We're back tomorrow,

though, with another clue for the birthday. So if you want to try and find us to spend our birthday with us and have maybe some food, you want to be listening tomorrow to find out the next clue. Yeah. And so I just keep looking at the top five ways to describe the shocker. Let's go. Should we like smudge stick this room or like, what?

What's those things that you lighted on fire and like, is that what they're called? Yeah, like say, yeah, I think it is called that, but I just, my mind was on cucks. And smudged stick. Yeah. sounded like... Your stick would get a smudge on it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. See ya. I just feel like we need to cleanse the room, is what I'm saying? Yeah, I would say so. Yeah. Yeah. Love you.

Well, actually, tomorrow's confession is pretty... Oh, no, too. This is good news. Tomorrow's confessions aren't fucked. They're fantastic. And that never happens here. Good, good. And it's a new day.

So we just forget all about this. A brand new day. Or it's good if you're cool with crime. Well, so no. Yeah. Well, so no. No, it's good though. You hear the crime and you go, no, I don't mind that.

Okay. Love you. No, like you wouldn't put your name to it, but like you don't mind it, you know what I mean? All right, have a good one. Love you, bye.