Toni and Ryan - Pete Davidson: The 8th Wonder of the World

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Audio Queen back with my best performance YET - plus what you can say whilst putting up your Christmas Tree and also in the bedroom. Love ya! T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, Rachel. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Hi, I'm good. Thank you. How are you? We are very well.

Now, Tony, let me tell you what Rachel wrote to us. Okay. Hi, Rachel. Hi. Rachel says, can't wait to speak with you. It'll be early hours of the morning where I am, so I'll either be really, really drunk or really, really tired. So Rachel, which one are you?

A little mixture of both, I think. Rachel, are you from Liverpool? I am from Liverpool. I never get accents right. How did you get that right? I'm so good. That never happens. How good am I?

I've seen your comments on something the other week and you put Liverpool and I was like, oh, I wonder how she knows. Oh, I actually don't know how I know. I must know too much about the Beatles or something. I think they're from Liverpool. I think a lot of people from Liverpool kind of invade Australia regularly. Oh, there's lots of Liverpoolians in Australia. Okay.

Do you call Liverpoolians Liverpoolians? I don't. What do you say? Well, it would be Liverpoolians, but that's associated with the football team a lot, so it's Scousers. Scouse. Oh, yes, Scouse. Yeah, I've heard that before because I watch a lot of Geordie Shore

and, you know, like the only way is Essex, Gavin and Stacey. So, like, I know a lot about Britain. I'm sure you do. That's all you need to know. Good. Great. I'm sorted. Now, just a random question.

How does someone in Liverpool stumble across a hot garbage podcast from Melbourne, Australia? I'm too old for TikTok, but just started randomly watching videos on it once and then I'm a TikTok addict now and you guys are the people my age and I started following you. First of all, don't age shame us. Second of all, I feel like everyone joins TikTok either ironically or goes, oh, I don't really, I don't know what the deal all. I feel like everyone joins TikTok either ironically or goes, oh, I don't really... I'm better than this.

I don't know what the deal is. I just want to find out so I can talk to my nephew about it at Christmas and then five hours later you're like, what happened to my day? Why am I still on the couch? It's 3am in the morning. Go to bed, you idiot. It's such a time sink and you're like, I was supposed to eat dinner four hours ago.

My chicken's bloody burnt in the oven. And it makes no sense because a video can't be more than three minutes long, yet I've been watching it for six hours. Nothing sums up the TikTok experience better than what you just said, Rachel. Yeah, Rachel, that explanation's going to go viral. Yeah, put it on a slogan, that's it. Rachel, we're just about to get started with this episode. Do we have your approval?

You most definitely do have my approval. Oh, thank you, Rachel. Oh, no, don't. No, no, that's okay. Offensive. No, all right. I can take a hint. Actually, coming up in this episode,

we might hear a bit of Tony's Liverpool-y and Podly and Scouse chat. Scouse. Nice. All right, you've heard it here first. Hi, it's Rachel from Liverpool and I approve this podcast. Yeah. I think... I think... Joy to the world, the Lord is come.

Let earth receive your something. Let every heart prepare a room. Behold, prepare your room, and heaven and nature sing. And heaven and nature sing. Yeah, it is. And heaven and earth and nature sing. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I didn't get any of those words right.

That's really offensive. And if anyone's wondering, I was singing the Anne Murray version. Oh, you're implying we're going to leave that in. I'm leaving it in. I get to cut the podcast. It's up to me. All right, imagine this. Okay.

We pop up on TikTok and people go, oh, who are these guys? They look like a fun time. Maybe I'll click on this episode. And what do I hear in the first minute? Beautiful singing. And now I'm subscribed for life. Exactly. That's my mistake.

Heaven forbid. Hey, Tony the Audio Queen is making its return. And I've also, well, I was going to say discovered the two most annoying things in the world. But after hearing that, what we will call rendition. Yeah. The third. The three most annoying things in the world. But first, things you can say whilst putting up the Christmas tree. And also in the boudoir.

Oh, this one's from Grandma. Does it look a little crooked to you? Ooh, two little presents underneath. Don't do the hand gesture. What? No, I know. Couple of little baubles Don't do the hand gesture. What? No, no, no. Couple of little baubles. Oh, yeah.

Baubles under me tree. I've seen that trunk. I think I'd rather wait for the whole family to come around before I put it up. This is so much harder than I remember. It's always great when the angel goes on top. But, Tony, that angel isn't going to be the only thing with a bit of water up its butt. Merry Christmas.

Happy New Year. It looks so good. How come we only get to get it up once a year? It's been a bit of a rough time at home. Ooh, nice. Real or fake? Ooh. They smell real.

Like a real Christmas tree. Pine. Yeah, yeah. Pine smell. Ooh. Can you pull on the other end of these beads? Grandma's got these beads that she used to use. Should I pull those out?

We'll use them as well. Granny's beads. I wouldn't. I'll be the angel on top of your tree. Halo, not made of gold. That angel's wearing a pelnet cloth. Are you sure you want to put this up in the lounge? It's always so messy once we've done.

I hate how afterwards you're all covered in glitter. The family will be impressed. Well, did the whole family have to come over for this? This is so big, I reckon the neighbours could see it. See it from the street. It's pretty thick and bushy.

Should we give it a trim before I get it up? Oh, why don't these things come with bloody directions? You're telling me. Does that feel good? Stop rubbing it on my leg. Mate, you're not even close to that hole. Is it nearly over? Mate, it's the start of December. I know it's not the biggest, but it'll stay up for weeks.

We don't have time to think about that. The whole family's left. I reckon it's time to put the big thing back in the box. Okay. Don't have to tell me it was. It's hard to believe this massive thing fits in that box all year. It's hard to believe this massive thing fits in that box all year. You okay, mate?

You're choking on the thought of it. Wait till you get a taste. I was choking on it because it wasn't in the box. Oh, well hung. Check the horse. Horse is her name and I'll give her a deck. This is by far the worst thing I've ever said on this podcast. I'm putting it out there. Mate, you've said some horrible shit.

I found her in the forest. Can't wait to take her back home and put my balls all over her because of Christmas tree you get it in the forest and you take it home and you put your balls on it you're right that is worse than shitting on a towel Put your balls on it. You're right. That is worse than shitting on a towel. Poor girl.

Don't put it there. Where else are you going to put it? Oh, it's not going to fit in the front door, so we'll have to put it in the back. It'll fit. It'll work because Dad and Grandpa are pushing on it. Everyone gather around. This is a four-man job. I said earlier I've discovered the two most annoying things in the world.

Yeah. The second most annoying thing ever, you know when you're watching TV with your partner and you're trying to, like, enjoy it with them but they're on their phone and you're like, just watch it, it's so good. Oh, how funny was that? And they're like, they're not paying attention. Especially when you introduce them to a show and you're like, oh, they're going to love it and they're just not into it. They, just watch it. It's so good. Oh, how funny was that? And they're like, they're not paying attention. Especially when you introduce them to a show and you're like, oh, they're going to love it and they're just not into it.

They're not into it. And it's so frustrating because I'm like, I'm trying to do this with you. I want us to enjoy this as a couple. That's the second most annoying thing in the world. Yep. The most annoying thing in the world is when you're sitting on the couch with your phone and your partner's trying to watch you this show and it's fucking terrible.

Yeah, and they're like, oh, it's so good. I want to experience this with you. And you're like, I couldn't give a fuck. No, I just want to sit here and scroll on my phone. Leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. See, I was worried I was going to sell myself out and be like, oh, I'm the partner on the phone.

Which one are you? Yeah. Yeah, the partner on the phone. Yeah, the way. So bad. So bad. Hi, it's Rachel from Liverpool, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show, we're all watching a movie, Home Alone.

Yeah. Because this week it's my favourite Christmas movies. Yeah. And it's funny that you gave a big eye roll and a sigh. Yeah. Even though it won the vote, I feel like everyone in the comments was like, oh, I'm so over Home Alone. Elf was second and everyone loves Elf.

I do like Elf. A lot of people were up and about for Die Hard, which I put in there as an option, and I also put Love Actually. Yeah, I love Love Actually. I thought that was going to have a good shot. I'm surprised that Home Alone won, but it did. Yeah. I actually watched it for the first time.

Fucking hell, are you joking? Yeah, I'd never seen it before. How did you not see it before? I haven't seen Die Hard either, so might give that a whirl. For someone who spends a lot of time on her high horse about movies and shows and other kinds of boring shit and you haven't watched the good – yeah, fuck it. Yeah, nah, but I watched it for the first time last night.

I do have something that I found particularly interesting that you'll fucking hate. Okay. That's tomorrow on the show. It's got to do with Home Alone. Okay, but first we would like to thank all of our champion tarpers. Well, just a few of them, not all of them. If they listened to the Patreon bonus episode that we put out last week,

I actually thanked every single champion tarper on the list and it took about 15 hours. Yeah, so, I mean, great listening, I'm sure. And, by the way, if you want to unsubscribe from Patreon and keep us below 1,000, yeah, see you later. Well, as we promised yesterday, if we get over 1,000 Patreons, not only will we run the dedicated two metres per Patreon, so if we get 1,000 people, that is two kilometres

that we will run in the new year. But at midnight on the 31st of December, if we have more than 1,000 Patreons, we will call Ryan's hairdresser and he will apologise for not only pooing in her toilet but using her bath towel to wipe after himself. If this is someone's first episode like we joked about before, I'm just, go check out Hamish and Anne. Yeah, see you later.

Great. So that's at patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. But for the people that are already there, Lynn Sanchez, thank you so much. Amber May, Ashley Lee, Cade McLogan and Jim Finkokow. Thank you so much. Let me introduce you to Tony the Audio Queen. Tony Lodge, as well as hosting this podcast,

is one of the great audio. No, mate, you're the captain of this ship. Oh, fuck off. Your name's first. Oh, my God, how cute was that cartoon of us as butter and bread? So great. Oh, my gosh. I, like, love it. I saw heaps of comments that were like,

you guys should get this tattooed on you. I would get the little butter of you if you would get the little bread of me. Oh, so when we put our butts together, it'll be like the butter and bread. Yeah, it's us together. That's cute. That's quite cute. I would get the little butter of you if you would get the little bread of me. So when we put our butts together, it'll be like butter and bread. Yeah, it's us together. That's cute. That's quite cute. I'll consider it. Yeah, let's talk about that maybe after Christmas.

I've got a lot on. You've got a lot. I'm happy. It's quite easy. So Tony is an audio producer. Yes. Sound engineer. And whilst normally you would use pro tools and all sorts of computer systems,

Tony the Audio Queen just uses purely vocals to reenact some of the... My second favourite tool, my mouth. Jesus Christ. It might be my second favourite, but it's definitely the best. Tony Lott, do you want to... My boyfriend's out of town. All right. What's your take on Pete Davidson, by the way?

Oh, fuck. Yeah. You're hot for him? I like me your take on Pete Davidson, by the way? Oh, fuck. Yeah. You're hot for him. I like me a bit of Pete Davidson. I know that it's obviously going around the internet, sending people into shame spirals, but I'd climb him like a tree. I would. I find him really good looking.

Because I guess he's a bit, yeah, he's definitely like, not even a quiet taste. I reckon he's great. But you can see how some people are like, I just don't get why people are so into him. He's like a harmless bad boy. Yeah. Like he's a nice comedian boy who's, like, got tattoos

and, like, smokes weed and, like, I love him. And someone tweets, people are finding it really hard to know why Pete Davidson is so attractive to everyone. I mean, he's funny, handsome, rich, successful, has a big old D. I mean, what's not to love when you think about it? Yeah. Oh, but what is it that people like?

What is it? I mean, but how do I get it? Yeah. All right. Sorry about that laugh. What was that? So he dated Kate Beckinsale, was engaged to Ariana Grande, is now dating Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. People are predicting, because he's hooking up with everyone, that he'll hook up with Carrie Bradshaw at the end of this new Sex and the City TV series because just like an internet joke, they're like, oh, who's next? Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, so Tony the Audio Queen. Ooh. Can you play the role of Carrie Bradshaw?

You know how she does like her, it's kind of the internal monologue slash narration slash article. Well, it's her writing the, yeah. Yeah. So with that in her voice and accent, Pete Davidson arrives, he takes his clothes off and she sees him naked, including his... Okay.

For the very first time. And it's just her voiceover. Yeah. Okay. But it's as live almost, like as it's happening. Okay. Do we need some music? No. I wondered when Pete would come over.

I sat in my apartment changing my outfit seven times and deciding what music to put on. Do I light a candle? Do I open a bottle of champagne? The doorbell rings. I open it up and there he is. He drops his pants and just like that, it's the eighth wonder of the world. Because she would say like a quippy joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, but even and just like that, I mean. Oh, yeah. I mean, I fucking plan this. You don't need

to fuck spiders. Should I keep going? Yeah, I mean, he hasn't pulled out the big rig yet. Yeah, I just said he dropped his pants and then just like that. I mean, and then what? Oh, okay. I might not be much of a word traveller. I've been to Abu Dhabi, Mexico, and just down the road to outside Manhattan, which you basically need a passport for.

and just down the road to outside Manhattan, which you basically need a passport for. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But I found myself travelling intergalactic space to see the eighth wonder of the world with Pete Davidson. Is that right? Pete Davidson's in my butt. I love when he's in my little butt. I've got Manolo Pornix.

Nothing's better than Pete Davidson's Big D. Love when he's inside me. Well, they've got their new theme song for season two. I'm very proud of that. I'm proud of you for doing that. The eighth wonder of the world. Yeah, that was great. Yeah, thank you.

All right, just a quick one here. Love fucking dudes. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I personally love Sex and the City. I know that it's a bit like fucking aged not great now, but I like it. Yeah, you would because you are. Basic bitch. Your words, not mine. Hey, Father Christmas, just like all of us, put on a few kilos this year.

Bless him. Yeah, he's going to need a few more reindeer this year. Yep. He's actually got himself stuck in the chimney on the way down. But the house that he's stuck in, there's some warm milk waiting and he really wants the warm milk, but he's stuck in the chimney. This is what he sounds like trying to get out of it. Okay.

Okay. Just wait here, Rudolph. I won't be a minute oh no no no why are your arms like a chicken um because he's stuck oh no no no oh I'd love to get those milk and cookies that the Anderson children have left for me. Oh, delicious. I love to drink milk. Our lives are a drink, Mil. Oh. Santa in the city. All right, finally.

Imagine, like the lady who approved today from Liverpool, that you're from Liverpool. Yes. But you're not Tony. You're a towel in a barber's bathroom. And with your Liverpool accent, you see a man with a beard walk into the bathroom where you live and he looks scared and anxious and he's looking around. Your friend calls you on the phone.

She's another towel in the next building because they're all mates. Yeah, and I've got phones. Yeah, and she goes, Tony, you sound scared and flustered. What's going on? Can you describe in your Liverpool accent as it's happening what the guy is doing and then maybe what happens when you realise that you're not just an observer of this story? Okay, so maybe instead of the phone call,

because then I've got to do backwards and forwards, could I do the towel's internal monologue? Yeah, sure. Okay. Just to make it a little bit easier. Yeah. I was just trying to make an excuse for the need to say it out loud. No, that's okay.

I'll be the Tau's internal monologue. Okay. The Tau's from Liverpool. Yeah. She's from Finland. I'm from Richmond. Ika hasn't taken a shower. No, that's Finland.

Liverpool. Ika hasn't taken a shower today. Today. She hasn't taken a shower today. Liverpool. I wonder what she's doing. Oh, this isn't a boy I've seen before. Must be a new fling. I'm not doing the accent very well.

We're all aware of that. Liverpool. Liverpool. I haven't seen this lad before. Haven't seen this lad before. Oh, I like his hair. I hope she's going to cut it for him. Oh, I like that. Oh, it's getting a bit stinky in here, isn't it? Getting a bit... Oh, what is that? What's he doing?

Oh, no toilet paper. Don't you hate that? Don't you hate that? Oh, my God. What's he doing to me? What's he doing to me? What's he doing to me? What's he doing to me? Do you need to take a breath or something? Oh, my God.

Did you take a breath or something? I have destroyed my throat, but so worth it. Well, I've also done that to you before as well. Also, I needed to almost get another towel because I nearly shat myself laughing at how good that was. You're welcome. You're welcome. That was incredible. Thank you. And if anyone needs a voiceover for an animation

about someone being stolen, kidnapped, thieved. I'm available. Give me a couple of days for the fucking voice to recover. Whoa. I actually would like my performance right there to be My Love To See It because I pulled that out of the fucking Santa sack, I feel. You just had a great run there. Thank you. I love to see that. I love to see Tony L I pulled that out of the fucking Santa sack, I feel. You just had a great run there.

Thank you. I'd love to see that. I'd love to see Tony Lodge in full flight. Thank you. My fucking throat. I have destroyed myself. All right, you just take a breath. Let me tell you about this.

All right. We watched The Grinch last week, as you know. Yeah, but you don't get to climax. You only watch half of it and then you fell asleep. Yeah, I could see where I was going. And I appreciated the first half. You couldn't see where I was going because when I told you what happened at the end, you were like, no shit.

A mum in the UK has been left furious after she paid $158 for a Grinch experience. OK. Have you seen this? Yes. Ridiculous, anyway. So she pays money for this Grinch to come and, like, ruin Christmas in a fun way.

She is then complained in disgust after the Grinch to come and, like, ruin Christmas in a fun way. She has then complained in disgust after the Grinch literally trashed their house, ruined the Christmas tree and the presents. Now, I don't know whose side I'm on. Me either. Because surely there's some part that's, you know, like, you've literally paid for someone to come in and fuck your shit up.

And that's exactly what they did. Yeah, and she was like, there's food everywhere. My son's new Christmas onesie is ruined and stuff. I'm like, babe, what did you think was going to happen? But I'd say that he was supposed to be a bit more, like, fun. Humane. Yeah, and a bit more, you know, like, PG kind of vibes. First of all, hiring a Grinch in the first place is like...

Crazy times, yeah. But surely you'd go, hey, let's just have a chat. Like, you know, if you're a Broadway show, the actors before go, hey, let's double check the script. We're all on the same page. We know what's on, we know what's off. Yes. And now that we know, then I'll go do it.

You know, just go, hey, mate, you just come over to my place. I'll give you some money. You just do whatever the fuck you like, and then I'll go do it. You know, just go, hey, mate, you just come over to my place. I'll give you some money. You just do whatever the fuck you like. And then I'll decide whether you've gone too far. Yeah. It's not a dress rehearsal. Like, you've got to be prepared. You've got to turn up in character.

But also, what's this job? And are they hiring? This sounds pretty fucking good. Would you enjoy that? Yeah, you go around, you get to play with kids for an hour, like, get dressed up,, like talk about Christmas, but be like, oh, I hate Christmas. Like that would be so fun.

Would you be in my Grinch? Yeah. You want to come over and ruin my Christmas? Yeah, I'll come down to your chimney and then fuck you. I'm sorry, I'm worn out from that. Yeah, okay, that's fair enough. You did great. I did a great job.

You did a great job. Hey, we'll chat to you tomorrow as we watch Home Alone. One day closer to Chris Meows. Meowery Chris Meows. Meowery Cat Meows. Sorry, lads. Go to bed, Matt. Have a rest.

We'll have a crack again tomorrow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵喵