Toni and Ryan - Poetry from the Heart

Episode Date: November 7, 2021

Ryan has written a beautiful poem for us - and we also have some feedback and Audio Queen Round 2. Love ya! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I dare you to say Ohio. Hello? Hello, Jack. Or should I say Ohio Jack. How are you? Oh, snap. Just so you know, I don't live in Ohio no more with my 513. I live in Tejas, a.k.a. Texas.

Oh! It's Randy and Tony! Oh my goodness! Jack, I'm so sorry that we got the wrong area, but we would just like to welcome you to the Tony and Ryan show, and thank you for being such a legend.

Oh my god, thank you for making me one. Jesus, you guys are amazing. Aw, thank you so much. What are you up to at the moment, Jackie? Oh, well, honestly Thank you for making me one. Jesus, you guys are amazing. Aw, thank you so much. What are you up to at the moment, Jackie? Oh, well, honestly, I was just trying to write a song for you guys, but failing miserably. Aw, let us hear it. What have you got so far?

Oh, God. All I had was that I liked, let's see if you can even hear it, was 721 Nuggets is a lot. I won't lie. But you guys can handle that much breath. I'm sure. My God, hi. Want to see you guys succeed so well.

The 721 Chicken Nuggets. Fuck, you guys are in for it. Well, thank you so much for the well wishes. We should just put a little asterisk. By the time everyone's hearing this approval, we will have either done the 721. And died. Or not done the 721. Who's to say?

But we appreciate it. It's 24 hours in real time before we actually attempt the nuggets. Oh, I know. You know. I super joked that I was ahead of the curve. I called it you guys wrote me on patreon to tell me that i called 721 as the number this is actually true wrote me that was me that was very true i got it right jack message through yeah he's like i reckon it's gonna land about 721 he did a time stamp for his time zone and as well and then I followed up.

I was like, Jack, you've nailed it, mate. You are at 7.21. That's amazing. How did you do that? Do you have the lotto numbers for this weekend as well, mate? I follow you guys so closely as this whole chicken nugget thing has been going on like every day since I was like early. I was the early patron.

I was probably one of the first 30. were too yeah maybe 40 so every day i watched as your nuggets grew and grew this is jack from texas and i approve this podcast Full disclaimer. Yes. Because of the nature of show business. Uh-huh. The magic of TV. This is not on TV. It's not on TV.

This episode was recorded before we did the nugget challenge. Yeah. So right now it's Saturday and we're doing the Nuggets tomorrow. Sunday. But you're listening to this on Monday, so you know, our friends, the listeners, they know what's happened with the Nuggets. And we don't.

And we don't because we're from the past. You know more than us at this stage. Yeah. So if we died, enjoy the next couple of eps because that's it. They're the last ones. Yeah. If we succeeded, who knows? Basically, we said for every one person who subscribes on Patreon,

we're going to eat one nugget. Yep. Thinking we might have got 20, 30, 40, 50. Yep. 721 nuggets. Exactly. We attempted to eat yesterday. How did we go?

You can go find out. Yes. In our Facebook group or YouTube. We don't know yet. Yep. So if you haven't watched it, the video is available. We can pop up a link. It'll be on our Instagram.

It'll be bloody everywhere. However, we don't know at the time of recording how that's gone. So don't ask us because we don't know. Full disclaimer. Coming up this week, Tony watched The Notebook for the first time, which was obviously a crushing movie, but also had complications for Tony and I's friendship, which we'll get to this week. Also tomorrow, things you can say on a plane and in the bedroom.

Yes. Some great ones. How did you go with those? I think I did a good job, but then I always think that. Again, I know that I say this every week, but I think that the ones I've picked are really obvious. Okay. But it was a fun one.

All right. Well, that's on tomorrow's show. And there's the Tony Lodge classic about insurance, of course. Of course. Last week, Tony said that after years and years of working in the audio industry, she is a professional and a gun and is really, really great at creating audio. That's not what happened. So we did a segment called Tony the Audio Queen, which she slayed.

Thank you. And everyone agreed. People really liked it. They really did. So I thought it's time for round two. Are you ready to go again? Are you in the zone? Are you feeling it? Oh, okay. Should I do some warm-ups? Meow, No, you really did. So I thought it's time for round two. Are you ready to go again? Are you in the zone? Are you feeling it?

Oh, okay. Should I do some warm-ups? Me, me, me, me, ow. Well, last time you ended up squatting and doing all sorts of things. Yeah, I did. And that's the most I've squatted in quite some time. All right, here we go. All right.

Oh, did you say Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson are, like, dating? Oh, my God. Have you seen the meme going around? It's like, can people stop dating Pete Davidson until we figured out what's going on? Yeah, and I agree. What is going on here? I would definitely have sex with Pete Davidson. Really?

Yeah, he's just like long and quirky and he's got like shit tattoos. Have you watched The King of Staten Island? No. I think it's on Amazon Prime, I think. Is it good? I've wanted to. It's a hard sell for Bridget because she's one of the I don't get Pete Davidson types. Yeah. Amazon Prime, I think. Is it good? I've wanted to. It's a hard sell for Bridget because she's one of the I don't get Pete Davidson types.

Yeah. So I probably wasn't on board with Pete Davidson yet. The movie is long. It's good, but it's long. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's long.

That's not a good description of a film. So Kim Kardashian is dating Pete Davidson. They actually went on a date to like a local pizza place on Staten Island or Staten Island her, is it? Pete's a place. Pete's a place. And it's Staten. Staten.

Okay, Tony, you're the old Italian nonna who runs the local pizza joint on Staten Island and Kim Kardashian asks if she can have a Gucci diamond infused, you know, garlic bread or whatever fancy stuff she'd normally have. But you, you're telling Kim, as the old Italian nonna, that no, we do real pizza around here. Okay. Buona giorno. Welcome to my pizzeria.

Hi. We were wondering if we could get some Gucci garlic bread. Yeah, we want some pizza. This is Pete Davidson. Yeah, you know, we just want some Gucci garlic bread. Does that sound like Pete Davidson? No, not at all. What do you say the garlic bread?

You wanted the garlic bread. We don't have a Gucci. We just got the garlic. Sorry, I think the Italian nunner is a bit more like offended and aggressive that they would even suggest that in her place. Yeah, we want the expensive one. We can afford it. I don't know what you want.

Get out of my shop. That's good. We'll pay that. I'll pay that. All right. You would have seen these, you would get these DMs as well. And it's often said in the group, a message like this from Marley, who's in Vancouver. Hi, Marley.

Other drivers must think I'm crazy and look like a psychopath because I'm screaming and laughing whilst driving to work in the morning, listening to your podcast. Thank you, Marley. It looks like I'm in a wrestle, but there's no one else in the car, says Molly. All right, so, Toni. Yes. You're driving along and you're laughing really hard, but you're also like a road rager.

So every time someone literally breathes on the road, you want to yell at them, but you're also in the middle of a laughing fit. Okay. Also, there's car noises on the road. Yeah, all right. Beep, beep. Oh, hi, I'm walking here. Beep, beep.

What the fuck? Nice indicator, dickhead. That Tony, she is bloody funny. What the fuck? The light's green, fuckface. That Ryan, he looked better with a beard, that's for sure. You fucking sent me on that first bit. That first scream really did me in.

I was almost, who's that penguin that you turn into when you laugh? Oh, the Wheezy Penguin from Toy Story. I was almost Wheezy. Oh, thank you. Is there a male Wheezy? Besides Wheezy? I think that Wheezy is a male. People were really impressed with the baby sound last week.

Oh, it's actually one of my talents. So when I, I went to an arts university and I did. Was there a class on this? No, but I did. It was called Tony the Audio Queen. I did like sound design for theatre and film and musical theatre and stuff. You told us how great you were at audio last week. Yeah, sorry. I just like really want to gas myself up. But there was a few theatre shows while I was there that they needed a good baby crying. I've been in a few theatre shows. That sound effect I think has been on a TV show.

You've taken this on the road. That like a friend of mine did post-production for some TV show and me going, is in it. Well, Danae works in Amsterdam and she is from Amsterdam. She's a phone sex operator. Oh, sexy. She was really impressed with your baby sounds and she said last week it was a little bit awkward. Usually her husband takes their child out while she's, like, doing some phone calls and stuff. Uh-huh.

But he himself had, like, an emergency work. Like, he would schedule, yep, I'll go out for a few hours with the kid. But an emergency thing came up at work and he needed to log on. So basically she, poor Danae, she ends up having to take the call of the sexy call whilst the baby is in the house. Working mums, am I right? Working mums, am I right? Have you watched that show on Netflix? It's so fucking good.

No, I haven't. Oh, it's so good. It's like this Canadian show. It's really, really good. Okay, working mums. Jot it down. Recommendation. Add it to the list.

They're working mums. Jot it down. Recommendation. Add it to the list. So I want to hear your sexy Amsterdam accent giving some sexy phone chat, but there's also a 10-month-old crying baby son in the next room at the same time. I'm not going to do the accent because I don't know how to do. Danae would prefer that you sounded like her.

Okay. And I'll remind you that Amsterdam is not old Italian Nonna. No, it's like Dutch, right? They speak Dutch. That's the same place, yes. No, like they speak Dutch in Holland. They speak Dutch. Yeah.

It's the same place. I know. That's what I just said. The same place. It's the same place. What know. That's what I just said. The same place. It's the same place. What did you think it was called? Dutchland, where Dutch people came from? No, I thought you were just like, oh, no, we're not doing England.

I'll just speak English. Oh, got you. It's the same place, mate. It's all the same thing, mate. Yeah, got you. Isn't it weird that we speak English, but we're from Australia? So it's like we speak Australian, but it's not our own language. When I lived in the US, I convinced someone that Australia had, they're like, so do you speak like

English there, bro? Or do you have your own language? And I was like, yeah, no, we've got our own language, but we all speak English pretty well, as you can see. And he goes, oh, I speak Australian. So I just started listing suburbs and council names. Yeah. And saying like drop bears and stuff like that. Oh, no, it's like Burundara, Nillumbik, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, oh, what's that mean? I was like, oh, hi, nice to meet you. And he was like, oh, what's that mean? I was like, oh, hi, nice to meet you. And he was like, oh, that's cool, man. That's very impressive.

Thank you. I really wish I could speak another language. All right, anyway, okay. Dutch, fine sex operator. Crying baby. With a crying baby in the background. I really don't know how to do this accent. Hello, welcome to my sex line how are you going big boy

is on yeah why don't you put your hand down your pants oh don't worry about that should i be the person calling you oh yeah yeah don't worry about that baby. Should I be the person calling you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about that baby in the background. It's all about you and me. Oh, great, great. Hi, are you sure that baby doesn't need help? Yeah, no, it's okay. These breasts are for you.

For me? And what are you wearing? I am wearing a maternity bra. Oh, okay. And what are you wearing? I'm wearing. Are you sure that baby doesn't need attention? I'm a noise sucker.

Why do I sound like the nonna? I specifically said you're not the nonna. I can't do the baby because I can't talk at the same time as I'm doing the accent voice. Okay. Well, tell that to your husband who was supposed to take care of the baby. I feel like working mums. Love it.

Okay, working mums. I love that. But a baby crying at any time is so distracting. I cannot imagine trying to turn it on with something else going on well shout out to denay like doing a stellar job i just tried to do both and i couldn't do it i sounded like a nonna was that really offensive do you think to dutch people i think denay i don't know if she's still going to be a tarpa from now on oh i think that people's expectations of my accents should be much lower.

Yeah, true tarpa would know how terrible Tony is. They should have known how badly that was going to go. I feel really bad that that audio queen wasn't as good as the audio queen last week. Maybe we'll just go back to the Italian pizzeria instead of Stratna. Stratna. Stratna, whatever it's called. Well, you know what?

This brings me to my next point. Okay. Hang on. Sorry, I just need some water from my Frank Graham water bottle. We'll wait, just like I did this morning when you were late. I wasn't late. You did that classic thing where people were like, I'm outside, and I was outside.

It backfired. Yeah, it did, and you were like still down the road, obviously being like, I'm outside so that I would walk down. But, mate, you know that I'm punctual. I was down there at 9.59. I want to talk about people bullying me and trolling me about my pronunciations. Like Stratton Island.

Like Stratton Island. Yeah. How do you say it? Statton. There's no R. Like stat as in like statistics, like stat. It's not strat. Statton. There's no R. Like stat as in like statistics, like stat. It's not strat. It's stat.

There's no R. Okay, okay. Where did you get the R from? Sorry, mate. Safe space, safe space, safe space. Adam Dale. Hi, Adam. Poor Ryan.

Oh. He pronounced one word incorrectly one time and everyone's being so mean to him. That's what he said in the group. Get absolutely fucked. It's been more than one word. Yep. Ashley Strange. She is.

Ryan pronounced one little word and his mum got scared. She said, you're moving with Tony and Torbs in ballet. Is that what she wrote? Because I mean, not good enough for you. I don't get it. Okay, I'll just let everyone else comment on that. Danielle Taylor. No, no, no.

What is it? I don't get it. Have you seen Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Oh, I've watched like half of one episode. Shit. And then everyone goes, ah, I can rap the whole song. Yeah, I get it. Great.

Danielle Taylor, I always laugh at Ryan's mispronunciations thinking he's being silly about it. And then I nervous laugh when I realise he's just a fucking idiot. Oh, you're not a fucking idiot. English just isn't your strength. Maybe you're better at Australian. I'm better at Australian. I haven't told you about this.

What? I've prepared a poem. Mate, is it sexy? No. Oh. It's quite sad. It's me. I've written a poem to share my thoughts on the hatred I'm getting

about my pronunciation skills from the Tarpers, from the group, the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group. Oh. Someone made a meme and said that I was like Hermione. Like, it's Levi-O-Sar, not Levi-O-Sar. But you wouldn't get that because you haven't watched Harry Potter. I don't get that. And the comments on that thread.

Yeah. Is there also a joke about it being Wednesday got to do with that meme? I feel like there were a lot of in-jokes that I didn't understand and people were just making fun of me. Which is what pushed me to the edge of writing poetry. I actually, because I approved that post. Oh, did you? Because I was like, people are going to rag on me instead of ragging on you.

Why would they rag on you? Because the meme is insinuating that I'm a fucking know-it-all and that I'm just like, yeah, insinuating. Oh, man. It's a bit far-fetched, can we get? So I was like, oh, cool, people are going to take the piss out of me and they still took the piss out of you. Well, I've written a poem.

Okay. Bloody Walt Whitman over here, yep. I've written a poem defending my pronunciations. I'm the new Slim Shady. Criticise me and I'll track you down like the main character of You, played by a pen bag lady. Having the tarpers turn on you is devastating, like swallowing a bitter pill.

Seth Scott, Luanne Hartley, Miguel Mendez and even the big deal. She's turned. She has turned. I love telling stories that are fascinating, fun and build to a big cliffhanger. But heaven forbid the visuals of someone look like someone else and you're just a double ganger. A double ganger. I want to run away from all the trolling. I want to mail myself to Kentucky.

Then I can review films with no bullying and enjoy the works of Stanley Tucky. Then I can review films with no bullying and enjoy the works of Stanley Tucky. None of the tapas love me anymore. None of them. Zip, zero, nada. Excuse me while I just go sit at a bar all by myself and sip on a pina colada. I wish I could talk like Tony.

Perfection. Everything she's ever said. But I'll never English as good as her. I'm just the butter to her bread. That's heartbreaking. It would also be significantly better if I could read my own poetry. Yeah, and at the end when you said English was quite a... Do I need to write another fucking poem? Mate.

Are you criticising the fact that I'm talking about my criticisms? I think that that poem was really beautiful and showed how good you are with words. Just because you're not great at pronouncing things is fine. I feel like you're being condescending. No, I'm not. Because I love you, mate. And your strengths lie in other areas and that's fine. Name one. Mate, you're hilarious. You're so caring. You're great at organising

what we do here every Saturday. And say that I always pick you up on time. Yep, you always pick me up on time. Thank you for saying that. And you organise the videos. You do all this prep. You wrote a fucking poem, mate. You didn't seem too impressed with the poem. How on fucking God's green earth was that not me being impressed by the poem?

Thank you. You rhymed Kentucky with another joke. That's very funny. One day we're going to meet Stanley Tucky and it's going to be fucking awkward. I would just like to say, though, that last week there was, I think it might have been in one of the Patreon episodes, we were talking about squids games.

That's fucked a lot of people up. Yeah, it has. But you're the one that can't even fucking talk. You just said English in Stratton Island. It's squid game. There's no S's. But then how come you're allowed to say Stanley Tucky when it's Tucci?

Define allowed to. Is your definition of allowed to be trolled by hundreds of people? Well, last week I said Stanley Tucci and you said, excuse me, it's Tucky. Tomato, tomato. It depends which area you're from. No. Not though, is it?

Hey, this is Jack from Texas and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Welcome back to the pod. Tony and I have just realised that there's a show that we both love. Yeah, which has never happened before, I don't think. Workaholics. It's such a good fucking show. It's so funny. Also, Durs. Fuck, I'd take him on. Durs? Yeah. I thought you'd be more of a, who's such a good fucking show. Very. It's so funny. And I love those dudes. Also, Durs. Fuck, I'd take him on.

Durs? Yeah. I thought you'd be more of a, who's the guy with the hair? Blake. Oh, because he's weird? Yeah. But he's cute, though. But he's got a little bit of heart in it.

Oh, yeah. They're all lovely. But yeah, Durs, I'd fucking climb like a tree. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. He's on the phone right now.

Oh, my God, I'd shit. He was in The Intern with Anne Hathaway and he's a real dick. And I don't know, this is like such a dumb thing because I know he's an actor. Yeah. But sometimes he's, and obviously he's done a great job because I believed it. Yeah. It's put me off him because he cheats on his. I feel like that about Jared Leto.

Which role? Jared Leto because I watched what's that fucking movie where they all do heroin? The movie where they all do heroin. Oh, people hate this. Do you want me to just Google it or should we sit here and make people suffer? It's such a great movie.

The Requiem for a Dream. Requiem for a Dream. Yeah, fucking hell. That movie. Harrowing. Every teenager should watch that before they get tempted to do drugs. I actually watched that movie after quite a big night. Oh, yeah.

And so I was like a bit hungover, like not feeling great. And I thought, oh, that movie's apparently really good. And, you know. I mean, it's great cinema but it's not like. Yeah, no. And I watched it and obviously feeling like pretty depleted, not a lot of sleep from the night before. I'd been out drinking, having fun and I put that on

and I almost had to turn it off. I cried so much. It is such a hard film to watch. So now I can't watch anything with Jared Leto in it because it just like fucking like is PTSD. Not even American Psycho? I haven't seen that. Suicide Squad?

Oh, I have watched Suicide Squad. I didn't really like it. 30 Seconds to Mars? The band? He's the lead singer of the band. Yeah, I know, but it's not a movie. Yeah, but did you watch him? What's that song?

What's that one song I've got? They've got like one song. Hang on, we're in a radio studio. We should be able to figure this out. Yeah, we can probably figure it out. What's it called? 30 Minutes to Mars. 30 seconds.

30 Minutes, right-o, champion. It's the Express Post version. Um. Is this This Is War? It's called Kill Me. No, I think This Is War is the big song. Who cut out a piece of me. That's not even close.

That's not 30 seconds long. Hang on, I've got it. What is it called? It's called This Is War. That's the big song that they had. Well, it's not in the system at Kiss, folks. Oh, yeah. This song.

I am the artist. This is war. The leader. The prior. The victor. The messiah. Anyway, that is a Jared Leto song from 30 Seconds to Mars. Shout out to Henrietta Westling.

I'm just moving us along. Henrietta Westling, Champion Tapa, welcome to the Patreon. Chloe Maguire. Bailey Bansgrove, thank you so much. And Sian Saddington. Hopefully you're happy-ing-ton when you listen to this. That was interesting. That was quite cute.

No, it was cute. Thank you. Thank you. I just want to go through a bit of feedback from the group. Just quickly, Jess Shields. Tony Lodge has been very sexually aggressive on the podcast lately. Just wanted to check y'all okay. Okay, we'll wait till the fucking story tomorrow, babe,

and you'll find out. What's on the show tomorrow? I just said, wait. Can you give me more than that? No. Is it about? It's sexy. Oh.

Yeah. Does that mean you are, in Jess's words, you'll be a bit less aggressive? Maybe. Actually, no, I think I'm just always aggressive. Tensions eased? Tensions eased. Do you know, so we have a lot of American people that listen to the show, which we absolutely love.

But you know how American people say y'all? Y'all. Y'all. Y'all. Because it's like you all. Yeah. When people that aren't American say y'all, it makes me want to cut my fucking ears off.

But the Americans love to say it. Oh, Americans can say it because it makes sense with their accent. But when Australians say it, I'm just like, it just doesn't sound right to me. I reckon I've said it. No, I don't think you would have because I would have been like, ugh, I hate that. Yeah, and that's why now I'm just like replaying our whole friendship

because I'm like, oh, my God, am I one of those people? No, I would have said because I would have been like, ugh. Well, you can't be repulsed by anything I've ever said considering what you've said to me. Exactly. I'm disgusting. What happened the first day we met and we went to the pub and got a beer together?

Oh, my God. This is the first day we met. First day we'd ever met. I said... We were getting into the back of a car together. Sitting in the back of a car. There was three of us and you were in the middle and I was next to you.

And I was like, ooh. And someone was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I've got the biggest pimple on my john. And I did. It was fucking huge. I had this massive, and then we called it the pussy pimp for the week that we were on the show together. Yeah.

And it was a fucking massive, like, and it was like the inside of my flap as well. Like, and so if I wore underwear that kind of. How many lords? Yeah. What, underwear that was on the inside? Well, no, but like, you know when sometimes you wear, well, you wouldn't because you're not a girl.

I wouldn't know. But sometimes when you wear underwear, it kind of like, maybe your bum's a bit hungry. Bit of a front wedge. Yeah, front wedge. Thank you. Yeah, like a sandwich but at the front. And, yeah, it would like rub on it and that's actually what popped it

in the end. So after everyone has just, like, popped, like. Like, because it rubbed on it and it just went, like, popped it. And I felt it, like, go, like. Considering what you've just put me and everyone else who listens to our show through. Yeah. If you ever complain about someone saying y'all and that being gross,

you can go get. It just doesn't make sense to me. It's like an American thing. You got some feedback, mate? I do, actually. I've got this amazing story that Jade sent me on Instagram last night. Okay, so funny slash not funny story. I'm 17, recently got my red peas.

Congratulations. So anybody that's not in Aussie, it's like the first phase of your provisional license. Driver's license, yeah. So you've got your full license. You can drive on your own. But there's like the first phase of your provisional licence. Driver's licence, yeah. So you've got your full licence, you can drive on your own, but there's like when you're on your red peas, you've got a curfew. So you have that for six months and then for 18 months you have your green peas and then you have your full licence.

And a couple of days ago I got into a car accident with my mum. Oh, no. It actually wasn't my fault. Some drug-fucked fuckwit, in Jade's beautiful language. Direct quote from Jade. Yes, it is. Ran up her ass in the car, doing 80 in a 60 zone. So, like, quite a serious fucking car accident.

Yep. Her mum was fine and she dislocated her shoulder and the other people involved in the accident were fine, but the car's a bit fucked. Yeah. The ambliance came. The ambulance came. The what time? We're moving past it.

Are you joking me? No. I read a fucking poem earlier and you're going to pull that shit. The paramedic car came. Get your rhyming book slang out, mate. You've got an apology to make next week. The paramedic car came and when the- Sorry, I just need a moment to talk, to let, because if you just push on,

I'm not going to concentrate because because if you just push on, I'm not going to concentrate because of what you just said. So what arrived? The paramedic car. And what do they drive? Paramedic car. What do they drive? Ambulance.

What starts with an A and rhymes with rambulance? Ambulance. Okay, so the ambulance came. I don't care about the rest of the- I mean, I do. Yeah, poor Jade. Hang on, she's been in a fucking car accident. So the ambulance comes and- No, okay.

So the ambulance comes. The paramedic car comes. Thank you. And when the car accident happened, they were listening to our podcast together. Car Crash Radio. Quite loud. Quite loud.

Yeah. And then. It's still playing? So, yeah, it's still playing. Jade's mum's all right. She's standing there and the paramedic is popping Jade, she dislocated her shoulder, is popping her shoulder back into her body and we were talking and then you said,

oh, he's finished up in a nice box. And we're pissing ourselves laughing on the podcast. Jade and her mum are fucking laughing. The poor paramedic is trying to like pop her fucking arm back in, which I thought was quite funny. And the Ambos were apparently just fucking mortified at what we were saying on the podcast. Because they weren't a fan. Well, no.

They were just like, what the fuck's going on? And they're probably just like trying to, you know, make sure everyone's okay. They're working very hard. Anyway, and they were laughing and her and her mum were like fucking basically having an asthma attack because they were laughing so hard. Well, if you're going to have an asthma attack,

you might as well have it while the people from the ambulance are in and around you. Exactly. Where's Jade from? Do we know? I'm guessing she's from Australia because she... The story, yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to send Jade some flowers because as someone who's dislocated their shoulder many, many times... Oh, is it really sore? Oh, it's just not a fun experience at all. I'll see if it says it on her Instagram profile. Hang on, everyone. I've got to refresh my messages because I just get so many. Look, I can't find it, but I can get back to you.

Thank you. Because I reckon I've dislocated my shoulder. I've had three surgeries on my left one, three constructions, and probably dislocated 10, 15 times. Wanking. That was my left shoulder. Do you have any feedback? Oh, sorry, am I...

Well, there's a note here that you were going to talk about something and you didn't What did you want to talk about? You've got a note here that you want to talk about your face Oh, I'm doing Movember, my face is bald, I hate it Next question Why did you question me then when I said that? I was just pushing on. You've written this. No, I have. And actually, now that you mention it, before, I mean, before that starts.

Yeah. Hang on. So before what? Oh, before that or after? Before. Oh, okay. So you're going to play the music. Oh, no, because you're doing it before. Yep. So last week I shaved my beard for the first time in 10 years. Yeah, for a great cause. Movember. Yes.

I think it's global, Movember. Is it? Yeah, definitely in the UK, but it's for men's health, suicide prevention, people and families going through testicular cancer, and a lot of other things that affect men specifically. The idea is that you shave, like, your whole face. It's not like a great shave, but you start with a fresh palette and then you grow a moustache.

So you don't shave your mou for the month of Movember. And then people donate as you go along. All these blokes will end up with some creepy moustaches, even people that don't normally have a stache. Oh. Mine's sort of the opposite. Like most guys are like growing a stache for the first time, but for me it's taking a lot off.

Yes, it was taking a lot off. And I didn't tell Tony about it. Now there's a video that we posted and there's a snippet of Tony screaming, but here is the full version of me showing. And again, Tony doesn't even know why she's at my house. No. He just said, I've got something to show you. My wife, Bridget, kind of like walks you through our house

with your eyes closed. I thought we were going to have a threesome. Would you have been down? It was a Sunday. I feel like as good a time as any. Okay, I just need to get Bridget across the line and we're on. This is what happened when Tony was around. Are you stitching me up? Is something going on? No, it's nothing bad for you. Are we ready? Open your eyes.

Oh, you're normally so good looking i'm actually a little bit emotional i'm sorry for screaming you look good mate luckily i got my hair done because I need to look good to look good. You do look good. Thank you, mate. You look awful. You look so...

You actually don't look like you. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Do you know what? You being an accountant, all of a sudden makes sense. It's weird hearing that back now, just how awful you were to me. Yeah, and I sound really ochre as well. Do I normally sound that Australian? Yeah, you sound awful all the time.

Fuck, I sound shit. You fucking do. You know what is great, though? Your hair. Oh, thank you. And can I just say, you've changed since you've got that great hair. Listen to you coming in all confident. Everyone else looks shit.

I've just got my hair done. My name's Tony Lodge. I'm better than you. You look like shit. You're all an accountant, piece of crap. Yeah. I mean, not that accountants are pieces of crap, but it just made sense. Do you know what I mean?

No, I don't know what you mean. Because you just look like a bit of a square without your beard. But you know what? And I will say this. When you picked me up this morning, you've got a little bit of a square without your beard. But you know what? And I will say this. When you picked me up this morning, you've got a little bit of, like, stubble now and it, like, looks a bit more normal. But like you said, the second I saw it, you'd only just shaved it off. So your face was, like, red and blotchy.

It was red and gross, yeah. And it was, like, just done and you could tell that you weren't really used to it yet and stuff. Good save, mate. Good save. yet and stuff. Good save, mate. Good save. Oh, okay. Good save, bud. You'll have to see it.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Lots of people who listen to the podcast did message and were like, you don't look like you anymore. They were like kind of waiting for a day later to be like, oh, jokes, that's my cousin. Yeah. Nah. Yeah, you do look really different. Yeah. I don't look like you anymore. They were like kind of waiting for a day later to be like, oh, jokes, that's my cousin. Yeah. Nah. Yeah, you do look really different.

Yeah. I don't like it. It's for a good cause. I'm going to go back. Yeah. But, I mean, it is for a good cause. You're doing a great thing. And, you know, like a lot of people, facial hair or long hair or whatever,

that's like a security blanket. So, fucking great job, mate. Question. Question. Our first episode, we talked about things that aren't your personality. I just wanted to confirm, whilst it was a big part of my look. It's not part of your personality. Thank you.

You're not someone with a beard. You just have one. It looks great. Because there are those people, right? You're like, hey, you've got a beard. I know. Like, what else do you have as a human? What else is there?

Yes, I get that. Yeah. Hey, I saw this post the other day by someone who has gone on to do quite well for themselves but didn't realise how poor and modest their upbringing was. Okay. So have a listen to this post. Growing up, I didn't realise how poor we were. My parents were amazing at providing for us and did everything they could.

We love watching baseball games but we never got to go to a game in person because we could never afford it, and we just assumed that's how it would always be. Yeah. To make up for it, when we were in high school, my mum made up little tickets for that night's game and fake, like, little Monopoly money for us to spend. When we got home, she had chairs set up in front of the TV

and she put numbers on the chairs and then correlated to the tickets that she made. Then she told us to go and clean up before the game. We had to line up at the doorway to get in and then as soon as the game got started, Dad took us to our seats and got us there and then went and got a tray of hot dogs, candy and soda and came down with a little hat and an apron and was like, hot dogs, candy, soda. And we bought it with the money that Mum made.

It was the best baseball game I've ever been to. Isn't that like the most beautiful story ever? Oh, my God. That is so sweet. And you can tell that like their mum and dad just loved them so much. That's like so lovely. They loved them and they knew they loved the baseball, so they wanted to treat them to a little special event. Yeah.

Oh, that's so nice. I read that post the other day and I was like, oh, you'll love to see that. It's beautiful, isn't it? Oh, that's really nice. That's super heartwarming. Oh, well, my love to see it is actually that, I don't know if people would have seen this if they're from overseas,

but there's been a little girl missing in Australia for three weeks. So in WA, her parents woke up and she was missing from her tent and she'd been missing for almost three weeks and they actually found her alive and well, which is just incredible. Did I text you immediately in, like, capital letters? I feel like everyone was just like, could not, but all of Australia was in shock.

Well, Torbs shook me and woke me up because he woke up and read the story and he was like, Tony, oh, my God, you're never going to believe it. And I'm from WA and I've been to Carnarvon where it happened and you know when you've been to a place where it feels a bit closer? But they found her and she's happy and her family obviously is so grateful that she's been found. And I know you love to see it.

The whole day everyone was smiling and up and about. We've never met this person, don't know them, and all of Australia was up and about that whole day. Yeah, like social media was flooded with it. So it was just really like I've got goosebumps now thinking about it, which is really nice. You fucking love to see it. You love to fucking see it.

Yeah. Well done. Thank you so much for listening. Tomorrow on the show, things you can say on a plane and in the bedroom. Chat to you then. Meow. Meow. Love you.