Toni and Ryan - Poo money, poo problems

Episode Date: September 14, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Most expensive shit - Hot take Ryan - Hot take Toni - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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audible.ca little warning you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay that's fine totally fine what's the most expensive shit you've ever taken oh i live in america and health care is i had crazy stabbing stomach pains and i was like i got to go to the hospital I got there and took a massive shit. Felt better straight away. So anyway, let me ring that up. Dollars. I'm Marissa from Buffalo, New York.

I'm Hindara from O'Teuroa. I'm Vanessa from Peterborough, Ontario, Canada. And I approve this podcast. It's a brand new week. It's a brand new week at Top Tower, but we're not a Top Tower, right, Tony's House. How long since you've been to the office? Before we went to Canada for our birthday. So I feel like seven years ago?

Yeah. Yeah. Is it crazy that just last month we were in Vancouver having a boat party? You were racing up and down those stairs, we were singing and dancing. Swimming every day. Swimming every day. I haven't been wet. weeks

welcome to the show tarpa Troy has started a discussion which we are going to go through today amazing nah you don't know what this is yet hey no

I just love that after four years here's where we are this is where we've got to welcome to showbiz baby we quit our full-time jobs for this wow first playing at home

and Tony has pointed to her blanket and broken foot. Yeah. What's that little orange thing? That red like a little chili. Oh, it's her, um, one of Pippa's toys. Oh. Oh, yeah, that's fun. I shouldn't have done that.

It's probably working her out. Working the beast. What's the most expensive shit you've ever taken? Mine was in that plane. The other day on the flight. But did you have to pay specifically for the shit? Well, no. I had to go through the comments and because there was a lot of like,

oh, I was at this place and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, no, no. I'm talking specifically about taking the shit. Oh, now let me read Troy's story to paint a picture of where we're at. Okay. Our family of poor, our family of four paid $330 to stay the night at this hotel. We got there and the, you know, there's like that earthy, moldy, like. Musty, sir.

Yeah. And so they walk into the. Reuben was like, oh, and then... And there's four of them and... And there was a distressed man in the car park with a beer in one hand and an axe in the other. And they had to look around and said, you know what? Maybe not. Maybe we'll just find somewhere else tonight, you know?

I think that's probably a good call. An axe in the car park's never a great sign. Yeah. The guy at reception was like, look, it's three. p.m. we've held the booking. You can obviously stay wherever you like. It doesn't have to be here, but like, we can't give you a refund, unfortunately. Yeah, and you would probably expect that, right?

So Tarpatroy goes, yeah, fair enough. But we've been driving all day. I'd have eaten some rubbish like, you know, gas station food. Yep. I thought since I paid for the room, I might as well at least go and take a shit in it. Yeah. I think that's fair enough. My son had a crack at it as well.

We're in the room for 10 minutes, took two shits for $330. That's $165 per shit. And then left and had to stay and pay for another hotel. Do you remember in New York City when we were walking to the basketball? Yeah. We were with producer cam and we got my brother there and stuff. So I was walking, I was like, I need the bathroom. I need to go to the bathroom.

Classic. Classic. and so in New York City I walk in I walk in to some place and was like I'm so sorry can I please use your bathroom

It was that weird dessert place A very weird dessert place And I go And they go It's for customers only And I go Great What's the cheapest thing on the menu

Keeping in mind It's an emergency bathroom situation With a sore tum And they go Well we've got the most Dairy fucking swirl chocolate mix fuck and I'm like do you have a bottle of water and they're like oh yeah but this

other thing and I'm like great just make me that pass me the obnoxiously embarrassingly large key to the bathroom oh yeah it's attached to the rim of a car tire yeah so I go and do my business I'm feeling pretty sheepish and embarrassed people are waiting out the front we're walking to the next game and then they're like here's your fucking weird sloppy chocolate chocolate ice cream thing that costs $17.40 because we're in mid-town. And also, in those situations, you're kind of like, can I go to the bath? I promise I'm not going to leave you. Like, I'll pay.

Have my card. Charge whatever. But yeah, like, I'll give you my phone and like, so collateral. Just let me shit. But please let me go. Yeah. And so I'm having the, did you want the sprinkles or the, can we do this afterwards? And you're like, to be very honest with you, I'm going to throw that in the bin out.

the front. I'm not even going to take it off the counter. Like I'm, yeah, I'm going to pay for it. Whatever you want. Give it to the next person in line. I'll pay for their food and please let me go to the bathroom. I'm about to shit my pants in a fucking dessert dally. And it's not going to be good for anyone. No, especially you. It's going to be really bad. I don't want to be the bad guy, but if I shit on the floor, your job, your shift today is

going to get worse. I didn't say that. But like, it's true though, right? That's a threat. Oh, totally. Yeah. Sabrina Spears, who's a tap-up. Britney Spears and sister Similar situation She goes I ran into a bar And was like

I need She's like Had a big night She's walking home And she's like Oh it's happening She goes in and they go Sorry

Customers only And Sabrina for some reason Goes Okay I'll get a bottle of rum What the most expensive Thing you could possibly Well sometimes

When you get like A rum and coke It's like 10 bucks But a bottle's 35 And she's like Well I'm not Just give me the bottle here's 35 bucks so she goes does that in what place would it be 35 dollars at a bar to get a

bottle of booze because sometimes when they don't have like it's just like oh we buy it for whatever and it's just like no way so she buys a bottle of rum for 35 dollars takes a mad shit and then just walked home drinking from the bottle no that didn't not happen Sabrina spears like the little like the little shot ones no like the ones you get in the middle I paid $35 for a whole bottle of rum, says Sabrina. That's just a great deal. That's a great deal. You should be bragging about how that's a good deal.

I once bought a fireball shot for everyone at a karaoke bar at Benjys. Great. Because we thought we were the only ones at the bar. Because it was like the first night this karaoke bar opened on Ligon Street in the middle of nowhere. Cool. And we just walked past them all like, there's no one in there. We should take it over. I'll buy us a fireball.

Fucking kids all revved up. Yeah. Then this other party walks in. And they're like, oh yeah, I heard it's, um, someone's paying for the fireballs and starts drinking them. And I said, yeah, when I said everyone at the bar, I meant the six friends I'm with who are the only ones here. Yeah, it's not for walking.

A walk in. A walk in. A walk in. A walk in. Oh, life on street. Now, this is from an anonymous tap. Oh. I've actually changed their name for medical insurance purposes.

Yeah, now they are. Oh. Uh, I live in America and health care is fucked. Tell me about it, sister. I had crazy stabbing stomach pains and I was like, I got to go to the hospital. I got there and took a massive shit, felt better straight away. $3,000. You know how we joke about that, like, the intern that goes,

have you considered increasing revenue? It's like she goes to a hospital and doctor goes, have you taken a mad shit recently? She goes? Let me see. And just takes a huge. shit and she's like I actually feel great and they're like yeah so anyway let me ring that up that'll be three thousand dollars how is that more believable than the 35 dollar bottle right i'm marissa from buffalo new york i'm hinderer from altiero i'm vanessa from peterborough ontario

canada and you're listening to tony and ryan this episode is sponsored by r bc and you know that feeling when you're not sure about how to get into the job market or you can see the future you want but you don't know how to get there absolutely it's tough out there it's tough well that's where i bc comes in they've got scholarships to support students as they study ways to network so you can connect and learn more about what interests you and tools to grow your skills so you're ready for the jobs of tomorrow so it's really not just about opening doors but giving you the confidence to walk through them if you've got ideas big dreams or just that little spark of what if, check out

RBC.com slash open doors to make your ideas happen. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you. We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romanticie series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice,

plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunt. Or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying, a forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five. One in the city, one on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of. real life people and that's okay that's fine totally fine before Tony reads out the champion tarpers who support this show and I love you forever um Tony goes I just need to stretch my foot out a little bit and I actually know that your surgery is going to go well and it's going to heal up really good because when you stretched out your foot because we're here in your lounge room there's some like windows and stuff, your foot had like seen the light.

Yeah. It's like my foot is Jesus. No, but it's like, I was like, oh, this surgery is going to heal up real good. It's like. I've been blessed. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you're like having.

It's like a christening. Knowing all that it's been through. Now it is the chosen one and it will be healed by God because the sun has just peeked through and hit your ankle and I was like, oh. Maybe my foot starts floating up to heaven. and I'm just like hanging on the bottom Like that's being lifted but I'm like That's a very funny visual

Yeah thank you A massive shout out though To a few of the people that I hope I don't have to leave behind When I get floated up to heaven Archie Beaumont, good on your Archie Owen Clifford Owen Clifford a bit of cash Greg Moore

What was the Owen Clifford bit? Like Owen Clifford Oh Fuck you Hey Greg Moore Yeah Sorry Charles

Thank you. Greg Moore. Does he know Greg Glass? Rachel F. Ross. Oh, do you take F. Ross or credit card? Matt's, good on you, Mads. Daniel Q. Jonathan Vanden Boss.

Good on you, Jonathan. Like, not thin. Like, T.A.N. Isn't that cool? Rebecca Doris and Ashley Rose. Ashley Rose from the death. Rose from the dead. ankle first

Yeah Well, it's been a really great segment that we've introduced recently that isn't normal on a hot take Tony I've really enjoyed it We've talked about brides

We've talked about kissing Julie Andrews We've made costumes Make costumes Which are on high age just at the moment I feel like Should I bring them in? Charles has offered

Now you've also offered Maybe we should just bring them in Yeah It's as if the place that we work isn't seven minutes from here and I'll drive past on the way. What I will say is I think that there was a bit of pride involved in me saying no, because I was like, I'm only going to be from home for a week.

Do you not like, no, I know, but I think there's been to me like, I'll be back there soon. Don't worry about it. And now we're on our third week. Surgery's on the horizon. Can I ask a vulnerable question? Yeah. so our tap tower is up you just you have to be nice to me because i'm yeah i am in pain i know

yeah um our where we record is upstairs and the stairs are like pretty long and brutal and it's just like a not of like they're like industrial stairs they're not like stairs in a house it's not easy like it's not and so i'm the gaps between them and stuff i'll be honest going up is not going to be great, but going down is going to be much worse. Okay. I reckon. So, and this is the vulnerable question because I said something to Bridget, and I was like, Here we go.

Not being a dick. Yeah. And I was genuinely suggesting this. And she was like, that sounds like a fucked up thing to suggest. And I just want you to know that like, I'm actually just trying to, if we're comfortable in the studio and we want to be there, then maybe this is an option. Yeah.

You know how there's the danger doors? Yeah. I said we... Which are like for for forklifting furniture into and stuff. Yeah. I was like, could we crane you up there and go in the side? Or is that like a hell fucking weird thing to do?

Yeah. Right. So bridge was right. Shocking. But yeah. I didn't think that was a terrible idea. I'm not getting cranes. into my office.

That is so demeaning. And that's like getting there is that's what she's, but it's like there's doors there and it works and like I'll come with you. I mean, we actually don't have access to those doors we don't have like we don't have the keys or anything. No. Can I be sizzle lifted in? The start of each episode when the music plays.

And then I'll just do. Do you think that it's getting better? No. I think there's a difference. between like a crane and a scissor lift because the scissor lift is just like an elevator like in LA oh don't mention that house Charles

yeah do you think it's getting better Charles we could all use it though that sounds a bit fun see that's all my this so kind of land I think that there's probably a difference as well based on necessity like the fact that right now I can't go up the stairs

feels different to how fun is that that we're doing this thing yeah you know what I mean is it the term craned in that just really craned in I think doesn't help yeah because I just remember the visual of when I was going to buy the deep friar and you said I'd have to be craned out of my own house

and every time I hear the term crane that's what I picture yeah and like I said I can see how it can sound bad but I was also like we have these weird doors that are built for furniture yeah and we could be on the and I'm just a tiny woman what about if the set is on

the thing so we're both like on the couch ready to go I think I draw the line of being cranged into a building I think that that feels like pretty low for me you know and I think I might text bridge and just say thanks for she fought the good fight for you yeah no I love that even though she did you went I think I'll still ask her on the show Surprisingly, in my mind, this would have gone a lot better than how it has in reality. Interesting.

What did you think was going to happen? I'd go, what about this? And you go, great idea, Ryan, you've done it again. I get the logistics of it. And I know that you're not saying, well, I'll have to crane her into the fucking building. It's just the term. I know that you're not saying that. Like, genuinely I know that.

But there's always a butt. Yeah. Yeah, I think about maybe, like I said, because you know, like we rewound five minutes, how I said, you know that I'm pretty vulnerable at the moment and I am in pain. Yeah. I guess that there's also that right now I do feel pretty bad about myself. Yeah. And thinking about the fact that, oh, I can't even walk upstairs up to Craneer into the side

of the building. I mean, when you say it like that Yeah, and you didn't say it like that But that's how I would feel at the moment Do you think there's also something Here we go You know how like shuffling down the booth is how humbling Yeah

Do you think So you guys are all upstairs And things are like For me It's the speed and the sound Yeah, but I'm slowly humiliatingly slow Yes

Like if it just went Yeah, fine. Or throw me up. I'll tell me we might get started in eight minutes. Okay, I'm on my way. There's an episode of Absolutely Fabulous. Do you ever watch that show? I love that show, yeah.

Where one of the old ducks, they put in like the old ladies. The stairs. I know what you're talking about. And she like says bye and it takes like eight minutes to extend the thing. And that's what I'm imagining. Have a great day, you guys. see ya it beeping as I'm being dropped down

I know Charles saw talk to his dick last week but I don't think that working for me is that bad that's all I'll say Charles hates the idea of the lift for that reason Joe's like no

don't hurt a few things I met a guy at the supermarket the other day his name's Matt and then we bumped into each other at the gym so I was like hey we've got kids the same age you just moved to the area

So I was, oh, good to see you again, mate, blah, blah, blah, blah, chat on. Anyway, you have a good day. And then we both went to the same area. I was like, oh, cool, how to that. And then we both went to the weights thing. And I was like, that's you saying goodbye and then taking eight minutes to leave the room. I actually have a story of something similar that I was going to, that I'm going to share on the pod. And you think that that's like just shocking, just disgusting.

Can everyone let us know in the comments on YouTube or the episode thread if you think my suggestion went well? I've got a hot take and I mean... You know what? Free swing today. My hot take is that you're a... And I'll cop that today. No, no, no, no. I mean, we're just sharing ideas.

I actually do love you. No, I know you do. And I know that you weren't saying it like, we'll crane you in. I know that you weren't saying like that. however in my emotional state i just i i i think it's the fuss yeah no we'll just buy a scissor lift no you can rent them charles you shut the fuck up we're not renting a sizzleift we i don't know if everyone else knows this charles loves buying shit my fucking bank account knows it do you reckon

the other day Charles goes said something and he goes oh well that bottle of QP at work I paid for that with my own money

and I was like that's the first thing you've paid for since you've worked here oh well that bottle of QP I bought with my own money fuck do you need to borrow some cash

you okay Jesus Christ anyway I've got a hot tape I think this is pretty good people are sleeping on pre-made kishas and pies from the supermarket. You've been scorched.

Which section, though? So you know how in either the deli section or the dairy section, they've got like the pre-made meals of like, you know, you can get the single serve mac and cheese or the butter chicken or whatever? Often they have like kishas that are pre-made and you just bung them in the oven. air fryer even I guess you could yeah

I mean it's just an oven isn't it an air fryer that's not a hot take but mate we're doing these months but

yeah sorry yeah same about next week I'm going to hot talk about air friars no I agree for a lunch on the weekend

dang do you have a little tomato sauce on the side with Keish oh you got to you've got to Nagel loves Keish Kish

fuck it does and that's a great take probably the best one today. Making a quiche from scratch, like, takes long time, not to make it, but to cook it, like to set it. It takes ages.

Often they go dry and fucked. We got to make it three times. You've got to cook the fucking shell and then you've got to cook the fucking middle bit. Three bakes. That's too much. Three too many. Just buy it from the, great take. And they're not that expensive.

So on the weekend, actually, to try and get me out of the house, you Todd's cranes me out. and you know where we went, we drove to the Whittlesee Bakery? Really? So Torbs goes, do you know what we're going to do this? This is actually very sweet. On Friday night, he goes, you know what we're doing this weekend, sweetie?

And I was like, probably sitting on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. You know, he goes, we're going to find the best sausage roll in Victoria. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard? I reckon. Uh-huh. his ideas of getting you out of the house are better than mine

we've been scroft we've both had the same idea just the execution was a little better how was things out of Whittlesey well it was so he Googles and he's like oh what's the best sausage roll the Whittlesea Bakehouse has the best sausage roll in Australia like it's won at a few times Really?

And we drove out. So it's probably, because I live like north side. Yeah, not far. It's actually not that far from here, probably like 45 minutes. Yeah. Not even. And we drove out there and we had a little sausage roll and a little vanilla slice if you don't fucking like. I actually don't mind.

And they had a fridge where they sell the stuff like not heated up. And they sold like family kishas and family pies like for dinner in the little fridge there. stick it in the oven and or air fryer. Yeah. And so we had like a bit of keesh, those like microwave potatoes you can get from Woolworths that have like the herbs and stuff in them and you just pop up in the microwave for like 10 minutes or whatever. Fuck yeah. And like baked some broccoli, like did some broccoli in the oven.

And fucking Bob's your uncle. It was so yummy. That is an awesome hot taste. It was so good. And I feel like there's these kishas at Coles. We've bought them before. Yep. And they're not that expensive.

And they're so yum. And you only need one to feed, like, me, Bridget and Mabel have all keyed up and not finished it. Yeah. Like, not finished one. Well, we had, like, I reckon we probably had like a quarter each. Yeah. And that's like, you know, for two nights. Yeah, a little heat up, full snack the next day.

But you know what? Like, that's pretty good. That's good. They're not that expensive, eh? No. I mean, the ones at the bakery are obviously more expensive than the ones at the Coles. Yeah. I think the ones at Coles are like 12 bucks.

So fucking yum. Couldn't get the immaterials for that. You actually can't The price of eggs at the moment I can't have eggs like $9 or $10 And I know that because I bought Charles eggs For his house recently So I'll often give BJ an egg in his food

Oh yeah You must be doing all right Well he looked at me the other day And I was like in this economy No way I would not have photo If you want to go get a job you can Yeah

But I can't be egg in you Yeah and I won't be But yeah A fucking pre-mate cash Great take Very good Now for the northern Hemisphere.

Summer. Yeah, well, summer's finishing up and schools back at the moment. Of course, yeah, back to school. And so my love to see it

is this guy doing a spelling bee. Cute. Should we do a Tony Ryan spelling bee? Is that Pippa? Did you do a fucking huge shit on that chair?

No, this chair is so loud today. I thought it was Pippa. Is it the chair or the guy? We'll have to bring you out of the house. If you're shipping like that. Have you got that thing there? You just send me. me a video. Yep, opening our...

Crank the volume, let's watch it together. Your word is coming. Um, can you, sorry, can you use that in a sentence? Of course. Dad, I'm coming. Uh, all right. Uh, keep context for that. Yeah, sure. Uh, spending time with your father. Biological. I'm sorry.

Biological father? Yes, your dad, your father. Okay, but then, all right. Okay, coming. See you. Incorrect. I just found that so funny. Yeah.

The top comment has fucking killed me dead. Hi coming, I'm dad. That's why you love to see it for today. I've got a really wholesome one to try and remind us all what you love to say it means. Elizabeth Enochens sent this through on Patreon and said, where I live in Belgium, August is Pride Month, so it's just been. And my sister asked me to go to the Pride parade with her. Elizabeth says, I'm by, but I've never gone before because I struggle with anxiety.

And there's so many people around and that. But I decided to go and a friend of my sister joined us. us. The friend brought her two kids, her eldest son is 11, and he'd been wanting to wear a dress outside the house for a really long time, but just never felt confident enough, and decided that the Pride Parade was like the day that he really wanted to try, which is so beautiful already. Before the parade started, Elizabeth says, he held my hand and told me how nervous he was. He was so scared that people were going to stare at him and he'd feel like a bit of an outsider. I told him that wouldn't happen

but I could tell he was still really worried but the second that the parade started it was like he just flipped a switch the people on the parade were cheering him on he was dancing to the music blowing kisses to the people in the parade and just looked so free so comfortable so happy

just like really connected with himself but also like an amazing supportive community yeah huge um Elizabeth said when it was over I asked him if he was still worried people would stare at him or if he was still nervous and he said with a giant smile on his face that no he wasn't worried anymore isn't it the most beautiful thing ever elizabeth said i'm so glad i was i was there to see it and i guess when you feel anxious about going to something but then something

amazing happens you're i'm so glad that i did that yeah um and she says by the end i'd been smiling so much that my face hurt like like you just have such a great day that by the end of it you're like oh my god yeah just what a wonderful huge what a wonderful thing to see in somebody else um and i think if we witness that moment you know yeah and just i think um i mean not to make it about us i feel like in the tarp community it's this sense i've found my people yeah i actually didn't know if my people existed but here they are and i can feel safe in myself being myself with my people yeah it's a really beautiful moment and i think um considering everything we've talked about on today's If there's one thing you remember, please make it for this.

Please make it that. But thanks for sharing. That's actually pretty special. Isn't that so beautiful? Thanks for sharing that, Elizabeth. Thanks, Elizabeth. Yeah, and we were chatting and, yeah, it was just really beautiful. I just really loved that.

So everyone has a place here. Yep. You're welcome. Unless you're a . And that's pretty fair. Actually, yeah. Yeah. It's not allowed.

But thank you very much for sharing that. It's really beautiful. And we'll be back tomorrow with confessions. I don't know if this is the perfect time or the worst time to hook tomorrow's confession. Here we go. Can I just read the first line? A guy I work with suggested me getting craned into a building. Please keep me anonymous.

Tomorrow, Atapa has bravely shared what started as a pretty bad day. Oh. I'm a hot Californian trans man and as such was born without a certain appendage and this story is about the time I lost my fake one so it's a great tale I love that well it's not a tail this is the front yep yeah yep

but we're in for a treat tomorrow everyone so thanks for sharing your stories love you bye Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you. We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romantasy series from Sarah J. Mars and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying? A forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five. One in the city, one on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay.

That's fine. Totally fine. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.