Toni and Ryan - Porn In Your Pocket

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

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Apply to Algoma University today. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling Tess in Kempsey, New South Wales. Kempsey, I hardly know-y. Doesn't work the same, does it?

No, not quite. No. Sorry. Australia, I hardly know-a. Doesn't work. Sorry. Australia. Hardly Noah. Hello. Hi, Tess. Hi. How are you going? Oh my God.

Tess, the time difference between. Were you expecting a call this morning? Yeah, sorry. My mother-in-law normally has a private phone number and I don't need some private numbers. And also the mother-in-law. Are we better than your mother-in-law Tess, if you had to choose? Oh, definitely. But she's all right.

But also we could tell from the way that you answered that maybe you weren't expecting us. Yeah, or weren't looking forward to a chat with the mother-in-law. Yeah. What do you want? The old matron. Hey Tess, you're a French teacher, right? Yeah. Well, in great news, Tony actually speaks French.

Tony. Buongiorno! That's Italian. Shame. Shame, shame, shame. Tess, do you approve this podcast before Tony buries herself in a French hole? So, so confidently. Of course I approve this podcast.

You guys just, they don't really confidently say bonjour. I thought you were doing that for a bit of comedy. Oh, you silly. We say bonjour, you just added an extra syllable. I said bonjour, no. Bonjour. So you guys just misunderstood. Bonjour, yes.

Yes, thank you. Thank you. Ciao. Oh, yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Ciao. Oh, fuck, that's also Italian. Hey, it's Tess from Kempsey, New South Wales, and I approve this podcast. Guys, Tony's on the verge of a mental breakdown. The verge. It's happening.

It's happening. She's come in and said, I feel summery from the waist up and wintery from the bottom down. And I don't understand where I'm at. I'm all upside turpsy turpy. Yeah. A summery feel, but she's got socks and Birkenstocks and she just, you don't know where, where are you? Where do you stand?

I'm really confused because it's quite beautiful outside lately, but like I'm inside all day. So it feels like overkill to dress like I'm going to be in the sun all day. Like if you rolled in, in your, as previously mentioned, skimpy thong bikini, it just wouldn't feel right in the workplace. Because I go, skimpy thong bikini. Yeah. It just wouldn't feel right in the workplace. Because I go, Oh, but like I'm dressed for outside, but coming in in like jeans and a cardigan into the office feels strange because I'm like, but it's a beautiful day outside, so why am I wearing this woolly outfit? Remember this speech when it all goes down and goes, she just couldn't work through that.

I don't know the answer. I don't know. I don't just as confused as anyone here. What should I start wearing to work? Cause you know, like this is actually maybe a good question. You just couldn't work through that. I don't know the answer. I don't think, I just as confused as anyone here. What should I start wearing to work? Cause you know, like this is actually maybe a good question. Are you supposed to dress for outside or do you dress for inside?

You're supposed to dress for the job you want. So I dressed as Batman. Ah! We don't remember that. That's quirky internet times. Yeah. I love quirky internet. I often have this chat with Bridget.

Like she's wearing something nice and goes, like we're going out for dinner and she goes, oh, well I need a jacket. And I go, well, the car has a heater. Yeah. The restaurant is heated. So that, you know, 20 minutes of being outside cumulatively. Four steps.

Five, five, five, five, maybe. What? Like if there's like a, do you know what I mean? Like if there's like Five, five, five, five, maybe. What? Like if there's like a, do you know what I mean? Like if there's like a, at the most, you're going to be outside for 20 minutes. Three seconds. Okay. Do you know what at the most means? No, because you park out the front of the restaurant and then you walk in it.

Well, you don't always get a park out the front of the restaurant. Not if you park like a fucking loser. But like, you know, so to allow and you go, could I last outside in five minute bursts of time, that's normally my thing. Okay. Could I make it five minutes? Yeah. But I always wear a jacket. Okay.

All right. It's Tuesday. Let's do confessions. These are top confessions. The website is? Tony Ryan.com.au. The first one is, sorry, I tried to match your energy and I couldn't. Okay. Sorry.

Yeah. Cause you don't know what season it is. I actually don't. And now my computer's like fucking having a bit of a meltdown. Yeah, because you're in spring, your computer's in winter and we're out here in summer and I don't think anyone knows. Sophie, what are you in? Crocs. Were you wearing black? I think anyone knows. Sophie, what are you in? Crocs.

We're wearing black, which- I think I'm more summer, but yeah. You are wearing black, but we are all having iced coffees. No, looks okay, but I wear black year round. I'm currently wearing no black, which is not good for my case. But like, you know. Yeah, as example, not me. Right, but not now.

It's far from hell. Wow, we need to push on. Sorry. The first confession is from Shit Tripper. Oh, aren't they all? When I was a kid, I tripped over and landed in dog shit. Can I just say what I thought that was gonna be? A drug story.

Oh, well, you never know your luck, well, you don't know where this is going. Yeah, that's true. So tripped over, fell in shit. Yeah, and in the shit was cocaine. No, no, no. Just jokes, just jokes, just jokes. Shit Tripper.

It was the magic mushroom. Oh, I dressed as Batman today, you know? Don't we all? I'm tripping. I'm like, it's summer up here, winter down there. Why do you sound like Flicky Bill? Because he is also in the park where shit tripper fell. Yeah, great.

I landed face first and the shit got in my mouth and everything. Like just the classic trip, bang, dog's like. Like a cartoon. Yeah. I ran home and washed myself so no one would know anything. If I told my friends and family or that somehow they found out,

they would never let me live it down. And you wouldn't. Because it's funny. Yeah. But like if it happened to someone else, you'd do the same. 100%. You know.

Well, they went, if my brother fell and dog shit touched his mouth, I would call him dog shit mouth for the rest of his fucking life. Yeah, that's pretty funny. So shit troopers gone, they can't find out. Yeah.

So runs home straight into the shower, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub. What would you do? Is that what you would do? I think I'd FaceTime you. You won't believe what's just fucking happened. You joke, but in the second half of this episode, everyone's going to hear something that Tony knows about because it happened to her last night. And that's not too far. But actually it's also proof in what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I live by the sword, die by the sword.

We'll get to that soon. But I think I get the like, this could be, and especially when you're younger, like in high school, you're like, this could be. So embarrassing. Yeah. It was 20 years ago. 20 years ago. And we're the first person that shit troopers told. This is the first time I've ever acknowledged that it's ever happened and the only time I ever will. Statute of limitations. That's happened. It's not happened now. No.

It's happened so far away ago that it basically is non-existent. If you found out that I 20 years ago tripped and dog shit went in my mouth, would it be over? And in the past? I don't know. I rest my case. You did show me you wearing a wooden necklace the other day from quite a long time ago and that still exists. That's gonna, it's gonna be around for a while.

So yeah. Remember the other day, how I said that I got rejected by the girl at the pancake parlor, even though I wasn't trying to pick up the girl at the pancake parlor. Yeah. She just looked at you and went, no way. And I was like, I'm not actually, and she's like, no. Well, no. Yeah. With the wooden necklace. Was that it? Yeah. Maybe it was. Listening to Ryan get rejected by the girl at the pancake parlor, by a girl he wasn't even trying with, reminded me of a harrowing situation.

I met this guy on Tinder and we went on a date. He was really nice, but there wasn't any romantic chemistry. Okay. Nice guy, similar interests, but just wasn't it. Not a love connection. But because I was new in town, I was like, oh, like we should just be friends. Like you're a nice guy, I'm a nice guy, all good.

Doesn't that just sound like a cop out though? Like that just sounds like something people say. 100%. Yeah. And I think this is where- Oh, I'm a nice guy, all good. Doesn't that just sound like a cop out though? Like that's just sounds like something people say. A hundred percent. And I think this is where- Oh, I think we'd be better as friends. Yeah, but- And you really mean, I hate you, don't call me again, you small cocked loser.

For example. So all those friends I have, they're talking about my small dick. You and me, yeah, definitely. Months and months had gone by and we genuinely become friends. Oh! We'd hung out heaps, we liked similar music

and we'd go to gigs together. That's sick. Not friends with benefits, not flirty friends, just friends. Just mates. In the nine months, we'd actually literally only even hugged once when her father passed away. Yeah, I love it. Oh, not that the father passed away,

but like, love that they were just really genuine friends. That's awesome. Love it. Oh, not that the father passed away, but like love that they were just really genuine friends. That's awesome. Love it. Oh, did you kill him? What? So one night we're at a gig and the guy starts acting weird. Suddenly, after all this time, they'd been friends for nine months and he's like, just a bit like, it's been a bit weird.

Sure. Finally, he told me that he'd met someone like he'd met a girl. Oh, and I was super pumped for him. Oh, that sounds great. I'm, you know, so happy that you're happy. Like, congratulations. Yeah. And he looks confused, which made me confused, said the confessor.

And then he said, you know, that means we can't be together anymore. Right? What? I'm now even more confused, says the confessor. I asked him, what, we can't be friends if you've got a girlfriend. And he responded with, oh, so you'd like to stay friends. Oh, that, that, yeah, that's, that's good. It's fine.

Friends. Yeah. Cause we're friends. It finally twigged. Twigged? Yeah. Twigged. It finally twigged that this man was dumping me for another

woman. He thought we were together this whole time. I got broken up with when I already thought I was single. What? Again, hugged once in nine months, just taking it slow. So he was like, oh, you know, like, we're just like in that courting fate, you know, like just hanging out and stuff. That is so interesting. Especially given that at the beginning, she said, I'm not interested in you, do you just want to be friends?

Yeah, so that would have been a clue for me. That should have been a dead giveaway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, sort of strangely feels so embarrassed and heartbroken that she's been dumped, even though she wasn't in her mind with him. Cause this whole time she's like, I thought I had a great mate and now I'm being, I'm getting the emotion of a breakup without the actual benefits of a relationship.

Like I haven't had sex for nine months, but now I'm getting broken up with. You're not with now, I'm getting broken up with. You're not getting dumped. Fuck. Oh, that's rough as. Yeah. The confessor sounds great. If you're still on the... I love it.

If you need a new friend to go to a gig with. Yeah, we're down. We can make plans. I'll probably cancel last minute, but we can, they'll be genuinely interesting. That's actually really sweet of you. And Ryan only does that to his best friends. Yeah. Including me.

Yeah. Imagine if, like with all the jokes and pick up lines we've said, if I came in and was like, Tony, we can't sleep together. And you're like, oh yeah, we don't do that. But yeah, like. But I'm actually deciding that you, Tony, will not get to have sex with me from now on. Sorry, I've just, I've ripped the bandaid off. Yeah.

After three and a half years. I'm like, you know that I, that you won't be allowed to have sex with me anymore. I know it must be hard. I'm sad it's come to this. And by hard, I'm not talking about my small dick because it is flaccid because of the not sex. Yeah.

All right. I'm taking it hard. Obviously. Yeah. Well, I don't think you're getting it. Yeah. Hey, it's Tess from Kempston, New South Wales, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. At Algoma University, your future has no limit.

Here, you can go further in the classroom, in the field, and well beyond. We provide personalized education, cultural fluency and training for in-demand careers. We don't just prepare you for the future, we prepare you to change it. Plus, Algoma has the most affordable tuition in Ontario. Make the most of your university experience. Go further. Apply to Algoma University today. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon, Joshua Alexander Dixon.

I hardly know. Can I buy a vowel? Skeetseaf. Skeetseaf. Eloise, Lewis P and Jax. Thanks Jax. Good on your team. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon.

You make our world go round. You really do. Quite literally. You really do. We can't make this show without people sharing their stories and being part of it and letting us know what they think. So truly, thank you. You love to say it.

You do love to say it. Have you ever wondered what it's like to be best friends with Tony Lodge? Have you ever, ever felt like this? Bom, bom, bom. How strange things happen. Are we going round the twist? It must be fun and cruisy and a laugh a minute, just a bunch of words. No one's ever used to a laugh a minute.

Let me play you a voicemail I received from Tony lodge last night. Okay. So as you know, I'm not a voice night out but I need to tell you guys something really fucking crazy that just happened The spider that made the web that was in my car just fell on me while I was trying to parade It was fucking huge and it was on me and then it fell on my tattoo and I couldn't even hit it and kill it because my tattoo Hurts so much. I just pulled over and killed it. I'm gonna piss my pants. It sounds like a video you'd receive from a hostage.

Like it sounds just so dramatic. And it was. And it was. I bet it was. I bet it was. You know, I think we're not giving enough gravity to what the fuck happened. Before we dive into what happened, because we have heard about spiders in the car and it's been, it's that season.

Yeah. I just would like to do a little quiz first. Quiz. Love it. Because, I don't know, we'll get to the actual story in a moment. But here's the quiz. And the quiz is, where was Ryan when he received this message? Oh, I didn't even think about you.

You never do. That is not true. Oh. Was it A, at home? Was it B, picking up tire food from the tire takeaway place in Eltham? Or was it C, walking through the Cole's freezer aisle to get some ice creams for the family?

Oh, I'm really hoping that it was you at home. Um. That was the only one it wasn't. Yeah. It was B and C. How could it be B and C? The audio only went for 30 seconds. So I'm in the Thai restaurant picking up the Thai. Yeah.

And I play the audio. And I'm fric, because I'm like, I didn't up the Thai. Yeah. And I play the audio and I'm fricking, cause I'm like, I didn't know if I was going to end with come and get me help. So I didn't want to like stop listening or turn it down. And so everyone in the Thai restaurants fucking panicked, panicked and they're all revved up. And I'm like, fuck, sorry everyone.

Sorry, it's my best friend. Krup and Krup, thank you. So I got the Thai food and then I was like, fuck. And then a bit of kind of ends with, oh yeah. And I texted Mike, you okay? And it turns out, and as we know this morning, you survived. Thank God.

So then I've got the Thai food and cause I've got Bridget's parents staying with us at the moment. I was like, I'll get us some ice creams for dessert. And my phone's in my pocket. And I haven't like fully properly closed. The thing. The thing. So in the freezer aisle in my pocket.

And the looks that Mabel and I got in the supermarket. I don't want my little maybe girl to be an accomplice to this. Oh my God, it was fucking huge. You're like, oh my God, Mabel, you can talk. What? And you know that old internet, like meme where it was like, listen to this crazy sound

and then it's like the girl moaning? Yeah. Oh my God, it was fucking huge. Yeah, that's Pawnee. 100 percent. Yeah, sorry. So I'm not saying this story is about me, but I am saying that there's more than one victim in this. That it affected you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So. How was your day yesterday? Well, oh, I maybe it wasn't as bad as yours. I don't know. So the other day I told this story about like, what is a terrible thing that you found in a pretty normal place? Like what's an upsetting place something could be. Yeah.

Because I got in the car and I got covered in spiderweb. Uh, and I was, my hair was in like two braids and I felt the spider web on my scalp and it was the most upsetting thing that maybe ever. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. And I've kind of said like, I haven't seen a spider and lots of people messaged him. We're like, Oh my God. Like if that happened to me, I'd burn the car to the ground. I'm like, you know what?

The spot is probably like crawled off or it's gotten like stuck and died somewhere in the car. You know what I mean? Sorry, I'm going to stop doing that. Anyway. And so then yesterday, so it's just like really upsetting. I hop in the car to go to Pilates. Pilates is about a three minute drive. Maybe not even I pull out of my street and I'm on the big road waiting to turn back down the small street. Yep. As I'm turning my car, the spider drops onto my face behind my glasses, behind my glasses

onto my face. And it's as I'm turning, so I like fucking swerve as I like, cause I just got so scared. And because of the spiderweb, I knew what it was immediately. Like I'm like, I fucking know what this is. And you're also on a busy road

and you don't want to like crash into a house or a car. Yeah. So it drops onto my face and then drops down onto my boobs. And I kind of flick it, like, down off my boobs. Yeah. And it sticks to my leg. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. Like, where my fresh tattoo is. And it's still a bit swollen, still a bit sore. Anyway, I've turned the corner, and I fucking, like, almost, like, gone up the sore. Anyway, I've turned the, and I fucking like, almost like gone up the curb. Like I was so fucking freaked out. I ran into someone's driveway. I fly the fucking door open.

I jump out of the car and I'm like doing this one. Did you just stop, drop and roll? Like trying to fucking, and my car's running, it's like beep, beep, beep beep because the door was open. Of course. Like everything is just popping the fuck off. It's on my tattoo, I like swipe it off and it goes back into the car

and then I throw my leg into the footwell of the thing and just go, and kill this little bitch dead, right? And my car's still beeping. My car's still running. All this stuff going on. I'm surprised you didn't put your foot through the floor of my car still beeping, my car still running. I'm surprised you didn't put your foot through the floor of your car. Me, same. Fuck. Honestly, same. And then I realize, I'm like, oh, and I look up and there's a guy in his

driveway having a ciggy who has watched the whole thing. And he's like, why is this like black and white? He just screamed into my driveway. And he watched the whole thing and he's just standing there like looking at me, like chill ass. What's this guy wearing? Paint this picture for me. I think we can all agree. Exactly what you're picturing.

Yeah. Blue Singlet. Yep. Little footy stubby shorts. He's like leaning on his truck. He's got his fucking Stiggy hanging out of his back. And he's wearing those like surfer Joe thongs, like, you know, those rubber blue ones.

Yeah. And I just went, I get back in the car and just like drive off. Did he say a word? No, literally like. He goes back into the house. His wife goes much happening out there and he goes, nah. I just, and fully, I'm just like brush myself off a little bit, hop back in the car and like zoom off. So you didn't even go, there was a spider.

No, cause I was like, I'm going to make this worse. Like I'm just going to make this even worse. That's for that's emotional maturity. Yeah. And then so I get back in the car and I just like to make this worse. Like, I'm just going to make this even worse. That's for, that's emotional maturity. Yeah. And then so I get back in the car and I just like kind of drive off. Cause I was like, I'm so embarrassed that this person's seen that happen. And like, I was so freaked out. And then I like pulled it. And I think the adrenaline of it. And then I get like, so Pilates then from there is 20 seconds away.

And I pull into my little car park and I get like, so Pilates then from there is 20 seconds away. And I pull into my little car park and I'm like, and then I'm like, holy shit. Like that just happened. Which is when I sent you that voice though. And then I was like, oh my God, like, oh. And then I put my phone on, do not disturb and went to Pilates. Yeah, that was fucked up because Sophie and I

had texting you, been like, are you alright? Have you crashed into that car? Do you need us to come and pick you up? Has that guy got a Siggy bro fucking stolen your Adi? Did I just pinch a Siggy off him to try and calm down? Yeah. So the do not disturb after a... Yeah.

That's... Also, how insufferable am I that in that moment of panic that I'm like, I've just turned my way to Pilates. Yeah, I know. Like what a fucking bitch. We get it. Like I'm actually better than you. I'm off to Pilates, are you? Just letting you know that I'm actually better than you. I'm surprised that you didn't, when you, hey, let's listen again.

Okay. So as you know, I'm not a voice note up. I need to tell you guys something really fucking crazy that just happened. The spider that made the web that was in my car. So you said it in the car. I'm surprised you didn't say out loud. I spider that made the web that was in my car. So you said it in the car.

I'm surprised you didn't say Audi. Oh, sorry. So Polaris. Flex, we get it. Reform the Polaris. Oh my God. It was fucking huge. And it was on me and then it fell on my tattoo and I couldn't even hit it.

We got, you got tattoos. We get it. You're a cool bitch. We get it. I couldn't kill him because my tattoo hurt so much. We get it. You've got a tattoo. You're a cool bitch with tattoos. We get it, man. I just pulled over. I didn't kill her. And you're a murderer. We get it. You're a gangster. I couldn't have pissed my pants. You can afford pants. Okay, great.

Great. We get it. Just one big flex is this story. Yeah. I just wanted to show off. I just could, I was in such disbelief and then just like walked into place. I was like, cool. Okay. Now everyone just take a deep breath and you're like, are you fucking serious? Yeah. Like, cause yeah. And just let the day wash away. And you're like, how fucking dare you? I've just survived death. I'd already paid.

Yeah, but like, don't tell me to calm down. You know? Yeah, but you can't cancel with four minutes. Yeah. Well, it's like 24 hours. I'm like, well, I'm not, I'm not going to go. I didn't know 23 and a half hours ago that I was going to have a fucking- Be assaulted in my own car by a demon fucking spider webbing demon. So how are you this morning? Well, I will say getting back into the car after Pilates, cause it was, I was just so full of adrenaline on the way into there. I'd calmed down and then I was like,

I've got to get back in my car. So like I opened the door and I had a quick squeeze before. Was the body and remnant still there? When I killed it, I like checked the bottom of my Birkenstock, uh, not a flex. And then I like kind of like scraped that on the ground, like of that man's driveway. So he's now an accomplice obviously.

Yeah. My mate. Do you think- Dingo Darren down the road. In Spider Heaven. Yeah. I don't think that little- In Spider Hell, there's like a hierarchy based on the way they died. And do you think they would get respect from dying via Birkenstock?

Oh, yeah, it's a high class way to go. And I've always said that. Yeah, OK. I've got to love to see it here from Maggie Bolt. Hi, Maggie Bolt. She's a TARPAR. My boyfriend and I flew out to Vancouver to visit his family for Canadian Thanksgiving. I don't... We just heard from Maggie Bolt the other day because remember I said Maggie Bolt and you said Maggie Beer. Oh what was your story? I'm just scared you're gonna read it. I don't think it was the same one.

Because someone, I've been recently accused of repeating you love to say it. You have done that before. Yeah, no but it wasn't a dad's naming boats it was something else and someone went, didn't Ryan say that one last week? Yeah, you do do it. I know, I know. But what was your- You just really love to say it. What was your Maggie Bolt one?

So this is gonna be maybe even worse because my love to say it was that she, no, Maggie's was that she wore a white dress to work and didn't spill coffee or so. Okay, great, great, great, great. And that was actually yesterday. Okay. So we're actually a Maggie loving show.

Yeah, and I love Maggie Bolt. Yeah, you do. And I've once had dinner with Maggie Beer. Yeah. My boyfriend and I flew out to Vancouver for Canadian Thanksgiving. Sorry, is Maggie getting too much attention? When you hear- How many things of Maggie's can we love to see? You know, is there a limit?

Okay. Okay. I want to acknowledge what you're saying and say, you're very right to question, is this becoming a Maggie heavy show? When is it going to be Tony, Maggie and some guy? Yeah. I hear what you're saying. Does Maggie love spiders? But I feel like when you hear this, you love to see it, you're going to redact your questioning because you're going gonna go, you know what?

I will cop Maggie twice in two days for this reason. And I'll listen to you love to say it. Sorry, Maggie. She was there with her boyfriend, who she's with. And they both believe they're in a relationship. She might wanna be with me instead. Maggie, if you're interested, maybe that could be my love to see it tomorrow.

Sorry, I sounded- Spider out, Maggie in. We stayed on a houseboat on the weekend. Yeah, that's what I thought. Shut the fuck up. Maggie is my best friend. That's what I thought. Yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful weather. A nice way to unwind after some stressful weeks. Spend time with a femme. Oh, did a fucking spider fall on you, Maggie? Yes. That's tomorrow's in coincidence chat. So, this gets even better.

That's not even the half of this. You'll have to fucking see it. And this is where I think we're getting to the stage where you and I could take a year off and the tarpas could just take it from here. I actually maybe do need some leave after the spider scenario. Matthew replies to Maggie's comment. Hi, Matthew.

I would like to ask on Tony's behalf, what's the bin situation on the houseboat? Love it. Absolutely love it. And Maggie says, bin chat. They have communal bins at the end of the dock, so you have to take your own garbage, but there's no restrictions on amount per houseboat and they're emptied regularly. No restrictions on amount per person. Well, it's just like for you- If I wasn't already sold.

Yeah. I mean. So at the end of the jetty, there's just like a communal skip. Yeah. Similar to an apartment building, but on the water. The thing about the apartment one though. That was good. That was good. Because you came around.

I've used that. You came around quite a bit. My sister did as well, did a few bin runs to our place when we lived in the apartment. So Maggie not only is on a houseboat, but had unlimited bin situation. That's the dream. Is there anything you'd like to say about Maggie after you questioned her reappearance? No, Maggie's my best friend. And I've actually always said that.

I'm sorry for questioning her. I've got to love to see here from Emma Smith who shared this in Patreon and it's very sweet. And she's given us a wonderful title, which you'll know when you hear it. And it's made my absolute life. Emma says, my little boy Hayden was diagnosed as moderately deaf at 11 months old and was fitted with a hearing aid six weeks ago. So he's now a little bit older and he's always babbled, but he's like a bit behind on his words, obviously, because he can't hear and learn. The hearing aid has been helping him so much and we've had some new words here and

there. But the other day he started to quack at pictures of ducks. That's adorable. Emma said it's absolutely made my month. And I don't think people that I've told have really understood how huge this is for him, but thought you guys would like it because I've been listening to the pod since he was born. So it felt right to share with his audio aunt and uncle. When you thought unlimited bin space on a houseboat world is going to be the best words you've ever heard. An audio aunt and uncle.

Isn't that the cutest thing ever in your whole life? Well, someone just got a new LinkedIn title, ladies and gentlemen. The audio aunt and uncle to your children. Isn't that beautiful? And then so I thought, Emma, aunt and uncle to your children. Isn't that beautiful? And then so I thought, Emma, what a beautiful story about your son who's quacking and learning and babbling and carrying on.

Absolutely love to see it. But the title you've given us, you don't understand what that means. Don't you thank us. You are the one who's given us the gift. Thank you, Emma. Thank you, Emma. Isn't that so beautiful?

That is incredible. Yeah. Auntie... Audio aunt and uncle. Audio aunt and uncle. Thank you Emma. Thank you Emma. Isn't that so beautiful? That is incredible. Auntie. Audio aunt and uncle. Audio aunt and uncle. Audio uncle Ryan. Audio aunt Toddy. Wow. That has made my day.

Isn't that so sweet? That has made my day. But yeah, so thank you very much Emma for sharing that. But also I just thought like, we're part of people's families. Isn't that the fucking sickest thing? It is. That's fucking beautiful.

You know, obviously we talk about like people falling in shit and like walking into the wrong house during an orgy. But we're also, you know, we love you. And it's such a fucking blessing that we're part of people's lives. Isn't that so sick? But you can still love someone and still walk into an orgy. They're not mutually exclusive.

Exactly right, exactly. But I just thought you fucking love to see that. And thank you so much. What a, what an honor. Yeah. And to end this beautiful moment, I would just like to say that even though what I just said, if you tell someone you love them at an orgy, it gets real awkward real quick. So yeah, cause they don't know that you're not in a relationship. No. Just like our mates at the gig.

Oh, but just like you're in an orgy and you're just like thrown in a span. You're like, I love you. And they're like, well, hang on a second. Imagine you're in an orgy and you're just like throwing it into the pan, you're like, I love you. And they're like, well, hang on a second. Imagine you're at an orgy and at the end you go, oh, well, I'm actually going to sleep with them. So we're not exclusive. He's like, oh. Um.

Um. Um. That ends things real quick too. Yeah. Uh, thank you very much for listening and welcoming us into your homes. We'll be back tomorrow for hump day. Hump day.

And what a hump day it is. Because, oh, tomorrow on the show after, I think it's taken us a few weeks to really accept and learn that Tony once asked for a guy's number working at IGA. Like that's really just knocked me for fucking six. But tomorrow, TARPA's share their, I asked for a phone number story.

Any as good as mine. I don't think it's possible. I really hope it's not. Some are great. Some are extremely not great. Oh, so more on the Ryan end of the spectrum in comparison to those two stories. Do you know what I mean? So like my hottest fuck story and then your pancake bar story.

Yeah. So like, you know, from one end to the other. Love you. Audio uncool. Audio auntie. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. All that shit. Meow, meow, meow.

Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye.

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