Toni and Ryan - Post Coital Hunger

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Normal or Nah, post-cum hunger and the hierarchy of communication makes a comeback. PLUS an elite meme from TLODGE. Love ya!!! Toni xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Alexandru, hello! Hi! It's Tony and Ryan, how you doing? Hi, I'm good. I was actually sleeping because it's almost 5am here, but I'm good now. 5am? You should be out at the market, you're ready to go! Well, I'm actually working in like an hour, so it's probably not the worst thing that I woke up. Hello, this is your wake-up call from Australia.

I was going to say, pretty good way to wake up. Well, before you head to work, do you mind approving this podcast for us? Yeah, no problem. Yay! Woo! Hi, this is Alice from Romania Romania and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome.

Hump Day. Welcome to Hump Day. Also, if there's a day like Hump Day but in your, like, culture or everyone uses the phrase hump day or like actual hump or just funny sayings that people use for different days of the week oh like what i don't know because when we said hump day people like oh is that an australian thing oh i think i'd say that it's there's an equivalent, but what other days would you have? Like what are you? Fucked up Friday? I don't know. Taco Tuesday.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Except obviously more interesting. Well, we've named three, so let us know in the comments of today's thread. Okay, it's a hot start. It's a hot start. Welcome to the show. Glad you've decided to hang out with us today because we appreciate you being here.ony can you unjudge your face please unjudge your face uh coming up today yes a follow up on the hierarchy of communication yes what is a text what is more important that probably needs

to be said in person or on the phone yep there are some debates as we are as a group trying to figure out the lay of the land with the hierarchy of communication. Do we at least agree that there is somewhere a hierarchy? Oh, I think that there's a hierarchy of communication. We just need to figure out what goes where. We need to figure out what goes where, and I think it would be different for everybody. Because if you're buying a house every day,

then that's probably just a text because it's not that interesting. But if you've bought a house for the first time, then that's interesting. That's good. You want a phone call or be like, come around, let's have dinner. We want to celebrate this thing. Okay. Like my brother buys a new car like every five minutes.

That's just a text. Because he's a car dealer. In fact, you know what? He's not a car dealer, but yeah. Well, he buys and sells. There's a lot of cars going in and out of his brother's house. That sounds so dodgy. It does, but it's not dodgy. He's just a car guy. lot of cars going in and out of his brother's house that sounds so dodgy it does but it's not dodgy he's just a car guy but they're not in and out he like just buys car he's just got like 12 cars it's a lot does he have a finance team or do

you we use the same guy runs in the family all right that's coming up but first normal or nah being a human but eating dog food. Nah? Nah. Fucking nah? And it's a nah for most people. Except we've got a message here from Bella Carrigan. Hi, Bella Carrigan.

My friend said that her roommate had dog biscuits in her section of the pantry. That's fine, right? I guess so. Well, it is until you realise that she doesn't have a dog and they live in an apartment building where there are no pets allowed but she's just got like dog biscuits did maybe she have a dog and it passed away and it's like excess supplies and maybe it's a bit too hard for her to throw it out yet so bella went through this or maybe like even though they're not allowed she might have like dogs out for maybe it's a bit too hard for her to throw it out yet. So Bella went through this or maybe like even though they're not allowed,

she might have like dog sat for a cousin for a night. Or maybe she, yeah, had a dog at the old place. And you know when you move house, you're like, just chuck everything from the pantry in a box and we'll figure it out. And then you never fucking do. Yeah. So the benefit of that has been applied. Yeah.

Until the friend came back and said there are slightly less biscuits in the dog biscuit bag this week than there were last week. Are we talking about like legit kibble, like dog biscuits? Yeah. Like, what? I mean, is there like, are they high in protein? Are they cheaper than human biscuits? But dog food is expensive, isn't it?

Yeah. Or it's cheaper than human food, but it's still not cheap. Is it really hard? Yeah, I was going to say, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, it's cheaper than human food, but it's still not cheap. Is it really hard? Yeah, I was going to say, isn't it just quite hard to actually eat? So, Bella's friend says to Bella, maybe it's just normal and weird, it's weird. And Bella said, well, I know a group of people who'd love to answer that for you. And we are now, Bella. Your friend is living with a fucking psycho.

I really don't know about that. That's actually a bit odd, isn't it? Yeah. You know dog roll? Oh, like a dog log? Yeah, so it's like a log. It looks like bologna or Devon or wherever you're from, but like the processed sandwich meat.

But when you have dog roll, it looks exactly like a roll of bologna. So my sister-in-law, Chelsea, her sister used to love eating bologna and sauce sandwiches. And one day they had a fight, like sisters do, and Chelsea went, you know what, I'm really sorry about that. How about I make you your favourite sandwich? Oh, that is cool. Yeah.

She was like, that would be really nice, actually. Under the guise of let's be friends and make up. Yeah, she was like, look, I'm really sorry. She knew what she was doing. How about I make you a Sambo? And so she goes into the kitchen and instead of getting bologna, she cuts up really thin slices of the dog food, like the dog raw. Oh, my God.

Puts it in a sandwich, like butter, tomato sauce, whatever, and feeds it to her and her sister ate the dog raw. And I actually don't know if Emma, the sister, I don't know if she knows. So if she listens to this podcast, she's going to know now. Thanks, Emma. So it's not like you bite into it and you know instantly this is fucked. No, because it would be the same texture and it's just fucking garbage.

It would also be delicious. Yeah, just like off-cut meat shoved into a gator and mashed. Well, it's awful. So it's fucking hoof anyway. Like, also be delicious? Yeah, just like off-cut meat shoved into a gator and mashed. So it's fucking wharf anyway. Like, who fucking knows? And let's be honest. Chuck something between bread and some tomato sauce on it. Who's to fucking say the difference?

A bit of butter fucking bobs your uncle. Could we do... Dog food your lunchtime. Could we do a test where... I'm not eating dog roll. We are presented with three sandwiches and we need to have a bite of each and decipher i'll do it which is the real one and which is dog food yeah i'll do it okay yeah okay great we'll do it in the other studio when we're back to our normal spot those guys have

kicked us out we'll fucking dirty it right up fill it with dog food. Maybe that would be a great, like, workplace prank. You put, like, dog biscuits in, like, a jar in the staff room and, you know, like, people just go, oh, yum. A couple of little bickies. Love those. I like that. It's a bit tough. It's a bit harder than I thought. Oh, it tastes like lamb and broccoli.

You know how they're always, like, a random combination. Oh, it's lamb with a dash of kangaroo. Yeah, and a bit of salmon for your omega-3. Normal or nah? Always being hungry after sex or masturbating. Jump right in. Nah for me. Like that doesn't happen to me.

Split the tapas in half just like and what about the vote the fact that we as a society and community can discuss post-cum clarity but we have never raised post-cum hunger is starting to get to me i've decided to abstain from any activities that will result in me coming because groceries are getting expensive a lot of economics chat in the last yeah it is yeah it's the election um now just forgive me because some of the tapas have been quite honest oh hey hang on you didn't answer it's enough for me yeah i'll tell you why i've never had that if you think i'm awake a minute after you are fucking wrong.

Oh, you go straight to sleep. See you later. Good night, nurse. And wife. Both of them. Thank you. Wow. I'd be asleep too.

But this was a common thread of like you're either hungry or you're asleep. Oh. So which are you? I mean, if I had to pick two, then I guess it's hungry because I don't fall asleep after. But we like, it's not normally night time because Torbs and I don't go to bed at the same time. So someone said if it's a night time, they're straight to sleep.

If it's a morning time, they're straight to breakfast. Yeah, well, I guess that, yeah, if I had to pick, that that would be my choice, I guess. But you're not like, I must eat immediately? No, I normally am just thirsty. I've that would be my choice, I guess. But you're not like, I must eat immediately? No. I normally am just thirsty. I've lost all that fucking liquid. Dehydrator.

Need a fucking leukoside. Hydrolyte. Very graphic. Especially when you stared at me while sucking on your Frank Green water bottle when you said that. Yeah. That could be you. If you're a champion tubber, that could be you. What, getting sucked on by Tony? Sucking on your Frank Green water bottle when you said that. Yeah. That could be you. If you're a champion tubber, that could be you. What, getting sucked on by Tony?

Sucking on your Frank Green water. Oh, doing the sucking the Frank Green. I thought you meant getting sucked by Tony Lodge. Cash Jones. I guess if I had to pick, yeah, I guess I would go the food. Can you read this bit in your sexiest- I know you can't spell, but- In your sexiest voice. I didn't know you couldn't fucking read.

Normal. Love to get my stomach stuffed after someone stuffs my balls. Cass. Oh, my lanta. Okay. Yeah, I respect it. Respect the hustle. Yeah, you feel a bit snacky after a little bit of...

Actually, I'm going to get you to read this next one as well. This is by Tom Channing. Hi, Tom. That bit there. And again, in Tom's sexy voice, please. Maccas is on the way. No better words whispered in my ear after getting railed. Oh, actually, no, you would like that, wouldn't you?

You go, oh. You've just finished up. You're cuddling and they whisper. Nuggets are coming. Just like you were. Yeah. You came and now so is Maccas. I wouldn't turn it down.

If someone was like, there's a double quarter pounder out. We've pounded. There's a quarter pounder out there. I wouldn't turn it down. If someone was like, there's a double quarter pounder out. We've pounded. There's a quarter pounder out there. I wouldn't mind. Sorry, I can't remember the person who said this. A McChicken after a McDicken. I like that. A Sunday food and fuck.

A McChicken after a McDicken. I like that. I do like that. Maybe Mac McChicken after a McDicken. I like that. I do like that. Maybe Maccas should incorporate this into their marketing. Oh, email them. Boss at Maccas.com.au. Ideas at McDonald's.com. Good ideas at McDonald's.com.au.

Someone said when they're in the honeymoon phase, they would like get it done and then together like get in the car and drive down to the drive-thru and get maccasins a cute little like oh i've just done it now we're having a cheesy together and it's actually where the relationship went from purely physical to like you know that cute time afterwards and they like you know when you when you start having little snacks together and you bond together and they like that's what really brought us together can i I just say, I am constantly torn by Tom Channing, but also between my genuine love for the tarpers and the tarp community that have been created.

It actually fills my heart. But then I also read stuff like that and go, what a beautiful bunch of fucking idiots we all are. We fucking, we really flew the freak flag and they've all come. They've all come. And now they're fucking starving. Normal or nah? Now this is from Monique DeRocha, one of the OG tarpers.

Monique DeRocha on the treadmill, you've all heard of her. Normal or nah? Drinking a glass of plain milk with nothing else. I'm going to say nah. It's disgusting. It's not for me. But can I, a small caveat of like having a Milo or like an iced coffee, because it's technically like a milk drink,

but it's not just like raw dog and milk. Monique was specific in saying this is a raw dog question. Okay. Because I'm all for milk milk but put some coffee in it put some milo in it put some baileys in it but so like does chalk milk count no because we're talking just straight out of the cow yeah just a big glass of milk and this is my issue i've when i have drank a big glass of milk yep i feel like and i feel like i can taste the cow it's weird it's so that's cowy and milky and gross now robert bones well he sure fucking does he says this definitely nah the only people

in my life who have drank straight milk have turned out to be sociopaths or serial killers and now that i think about it how... How many serial killers does he know? Four. And you know what they were all doing in high school? Raw dog in the milk. Getting that cow-y sensation. Katrina, I barely trust my gut on a good day. The trauma that would come from drinking a glass of straight milk.

It's a big nah from me and my plumbing. Is it okay if you have it with a little cookie or something? I get. So you wouldn't just sit down to watch a movie and go oh, do you want a water or a cup of tea? Oh, pour me a glass of milk. I dated a guy. This is fucked.

I dated a guy. Sociopath? Serial killer. He must be a serial killer. He must be very good at hiding it because I didn't know at the time, but now I do. I mean, we've seen Dexter. People can keep secrets. I really like Dexter. You would because you're a milk drinker.

Okay, I'm not. Does Dexter drink milk? I can't remember. Anyway, I dated this guy who lived at home still, and so if I ever wanted to stay at his house, it was like family dinner. So it was like dinner with like his mom and dad and like brothers you had to do the mcchicken before you got the wrong order and

i remember the first time being there for dinner and his mom was like oh do you want a drink and he was like oh yeah great and you know how normally if someone asks you for a drink you like specify what you want but if you really know someone you like can guess what they would have so if i was at said to torbs if we were out at dinner or something and if someone asks you for a drink, you like specify what you want. But if you really know someone you like, can guess what they would have. So if I was said to Torbs, if we were out at dinner or something and I went, do you want a drink? And he went, yeah, I'd know to get him like a pint of beer. Yep.

And I would just figure it out. Yep. She said, do you want a drink? He said, yeah. She walks back over with a full glass of milk to have with dinner. With dinner? So we're having like steak and veggies and like salad or something. And he's fucking chugging

on this raw dog milk i'm like you can't have a dairy drink with your bloody steak first of i mean first besides the tech so filling your tummy would just be in it's a whole other meal it's yeah it's like a protein shake and you're right your stomach would be in turmoil yeah milk and then milk if you had anything with like a bit of heat or spice or something it's just no no thank you imagine the bloat afterwards but yeah and i was i should have seen that fucking red flag guy like i should have just been like thank you so much but no thanks but then if you have dinner and head upstairs and you're both full of milk well i didn't have the milk i just had water oh thank you i thought i thought i wasn't sloshing around yeah i thought they're gonna sit that next to you you you're just going to stare at that glass and go,

are these motherfuckers expecting me to drink that? And you just, like, block your nose. Hi, this is Alex from Romania and you're listening to Tonya Ryan. A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapions from our Patreon. Thank you to everybody that signed up to contribute to the goal that we set of hitting 2,000 tapas. I've quit my job. It's fucking exciting. We're all on.

We're all in. All on, all out. In and out. I actually – can I say something? No, apparently not because I'm fucking going. Yeah, please. We said on Friday in the shareholders update, we've hit 2,000 and we're stoked.

Oh my God. We could not be more excited to know that this is what we're doing. We promised everyone who was a champion tarpa would get a Frank Green water bottle. Tony and Ryan branded Frank Green water bottle. And they look fucking sick. They look sick. We've had a look at the artwork.

They're not built yet. We've seen the artwork. They're coming. We've had a look at the artwork. They're not built yet. We've seen the artwork. So they're coming. We've seen the design. Yeah. We thought we'd need to buy maybe a couple of hundred and do a couple of hundred personalized videos because you also get a personalized video

for your champion topper. We now have to do 1,300 personalized videos and about 1,300 water bottles we have to purchase, which is fine. But we did say, thanks for your support. Please don't sign up anymore. Stop signing up. And the attitude where people are like, don't you fucking tell me I'm not signing up.

Fuck you. And people have messaged, they've signed up and they've gone, I heard you say you didn't want any more. So fuck you. Looking forward to seeing my video. It was not fucking reverse psychology. It was me pleading with the public, please stop fucking signing up. It was the Tony State of the Nation address. And the arrogance.

Oh, yeah. The attitude. And I'm like, do you love us or not? Apparently not. But anyway, all of those are coming, but a few of the people that defied our wishes, Emily Ashby, Katie Krull, Falkney, Dominic Fischerg, of those are coming but a few of the people that defied our wishes uh emily ashby katie kroll falkney dominic fischerg peter gilliar bethany robley shell and sammy tucker thank you so much

for being part of our patreon fuck you but thanks i really appreciate it um last week i introduced the concept oh i like that of the hierarchy communication. If something's not a big deal between the two of us, we might have like sent a video to each other on Instagram and then we'll like have a few cute little funny jokes DMing each other. Yeah. But if I had decided or found out, decided, if I found out that Bridget and I were having a baby, I wouldn't just in the deep.

Decided. You can see why I want to change that. We have decided that we were having a baby. I wouldn't just go, oh. You can see why I would have changed that. We have decided that we were having a baby. I wouldn't just go, oh, funny meme. Thanks for sending, by the way, baby on the way. P.S. Lol. Emoji baby.

Excited to be an auntie lol. Yeah, that would probably be a- Would I- Be an auntie? No, because you're not my sister. But people said that I look like your mum, so technically- You can be the great aunt. Could I just be an aunt?

Would you like to be the godmother? Don't promise that because you've got lots of close friends. I'm happy to just be... I also don't know what a godmother or father does. I probably wouldn't have one. Me either. But I could be like, You're a godmother.

I'm your godmother. I'm a little baby. I'll be your godmother. Is that Marlon Brando? Wow. I'll be your godmother Is that Marlon Brando? Wow I'll be your godmother Is that what it sounds like? Yeah sure

I just didn't I'll be your godmother I could keep going But I only know that one line I haven't been this stunned or shocked Since a real estate agent offered a DJ at an auction What do you mean? I just didn't expect to see you

Is that bad? No. I've never seen the movie. This is just. I can tell. If you think that's what the Godfather looked like, please let us know below. I'm your Godmother.

That's all we've got time for today, guys. Okay, see you later. All right. So anyway. What I was saying was if it was big news, guys. Okay, see you later. All right, so anyway. What I was saying was if it was big news, maybe I would tell Tony in person. If it's not a big deal, you can send a text. And there's probably, even in a business setting,

if you're going to find out that the whole department's closing down, you wouldn't expect that to be a dot point on some all-staff email. You'd probably go, oh, maybe we should sit down and have that chat in person. Yeah, yeah, totally. And so after, as you so eloquently put it introduce the concept of the hierarchy of communication it's made me quite hyper aware of how i communicate with my friends recently because i was like fuck am i texting important information that not deserves that but like

it's actually quite exciting yeah you don't want to waste it on a text exactly and so i've been thinking about that a lot and assessing the way that i chat and it's funny that you bring up that you know you'll send me a funny video on instagram or something normally at the exact same time we'll be texting yeah we'll have one chat going in the text another chat going in the dms there'll be a few emails with a few business things going on. Yep. It's getting pretty busy, isn't it? And I hate it. I need you to pick one

and stick to it. Because the other day you text me one question. Did I cross? I crossed. Then you emailed me a video you wanted me to watch. Yeah. And then you also DM'd me on Instagram,

like some fucking Gary Vee video of him being a fucking Lord. And you being like, Oh, like I'm a straight white guy. Look at this Gary Vee video. Don't fucking at me about Gary Vee. And then you had texted me about something like, Hey,

can you talk to our accountant about this? But the email was about a video. And then the Instagram was about some fucking finance bro. I can't deal with that. If we're talking about hierarchy of communication, how about we pick one format and we stick to it? This is quite confronting for you to bring up. I'm sorry.

And it's a lot of information to consume at once. I feel like I'm being attacked. But I did it face to face. I'm sorry. And it's a lot of information to consume at once. Yeah. I feel like I'm being attacked. But I did it face to face. I wish you had have emailed. I'd like it in writing. Yeah, I'd like it in writing so I can reread it later. Because then I- Did you watch the video I sent you?

Yeah, I did because then I emailed you back, but I don't want to email you back. I just want to text you and be like, watch that video. But I feel like because you- Oh, then you're crossing borders. No. Yeah. If I send you this email-

You can only respond by email in the same level of hierarchy yeah so then i'm like but the info that i'm responding with isn't important enough for an email because that feels like it needs to be like an official business thing are you so then i wanted to say oh that looks good via text like oh just can can then i text and say just saw your email i think that looks good can i do that is that legal is that a legal maneuver accusing the creator of the hierarchy of communication concept of not understanding the hierarchy of communication i just would you tell god or or Noah how to build a boat?

I don't think you watched the movie. Is that not... I don't think that's the same thing. Okay, okay. I took a wild guess. But it's made me really think about it, and I was like, you're fucking all over the place, mate. And also, with that, you have like six different email addresses.

I know. So when I email you something, I go, you say, oh, can you send me that thing? And I go, yeah, I already sent it to you. You'd be like, well, I don't have it. And I'd be like, it's different. Can you stop applying attitude to my voice? This is how I feel. Oh.

When I get an email from you that says, can you send me that thing? And I go, yeah, I already did. And you say, well, I don't have it in my emails. And I go, oh, well, I sent it to X email, not Y email. And you go, yeah, I already did. And you say, well, I don't have it in my emails. And I go, oh, well, I sent it to X email, not Y email. And you go, oh, okay. Imagine if you just had one email and you knew how to figure it out. I have my ryanjohn.com email. Yep.

I have my Kiss Radio Station email. Yep. I have my personal email. Yep. I have my email that I sign up to stuff like phone parties for. And I have my Hotmail account so I can still use MSN. Which one of those ones did you use? What are you chatting up, chicky babes?

What are you talking about? ASL. Tony Perth, 28. All right, I promise. We just need to come up with a system. We joke now, but literally earlier today we were discussing, like, we need to get out. Yeah, this is a real.

Ryan found this woman who is a digital detoxer, and we're literally going to hire her to come into our business that we have and fucking detox our digital lives because at the moment we're fucking all over the place. We need to figure out how to do a shared calendar. The best way to explain this person, and maybe you listening right now will go, oh, that actually sounds like a great idea. Yeah.

Mari Kondo, who became a cultural phenomenon. Have you watched the show? I've watched one. Oh, amazing. So basically it's people who are like hoarders or even just messy and she goes into the house and goes, here's how we categorise and blah. Oh, amazing. So basically it's people who are like hoarders or even just messy and she goes into the house and goes, here's how we categorise and blah, blah, blah. So there's people who I would describe as a digital Marie Kondo.

Yeah. She's like, let me get all your passwords in order. Let me, those three different email accounts, I'll make it for you one and then one links to this and when people message out, it automatically sends off to here. Yeah, and your calendar syncs with your other thing. And they just organise it for you. Digital Marie Kondo, please come into our life.

Yeah, if you know someone who does that job, in Melbourne preferably, because we actually need someone to sit and hold our hands and help us with this because we don't understand it. I'm better than you. Are you Digital Marie Kondo? But are you who we're looking for? DM below.

Anyway. Message me on either of my 17 email addresses. Oh, my God god you'll never fucking find where the person's responded they'll be like yeah i responded to the ad that you put in the podcast six months ago via the email that's in the podcast on the thing and you're like oh i don't check that one um but anyway after we did talk about uh the hire now that we've finished hiring for this person for us for our business um i got an email. No, I didn't. What did you get?

I got an Instagram DM. Fucking hell. Get it together, Tony. You rattled. You are flapped by this. I am. I'm really flapped. I got an – I just almost said email again.

I got an Instagram DM from – who said, love your podcast. I've been listening from day one, but first time I wanted to message you. Just thought I'd share with you about whether to email, call or text and wanted to share with you. I broke up with my husband over Facebook Messenger. What? I thought my story was...

What? So you broke up with a girl after a couple of months on Facebook Messenger and I was blown away. Yeah. Broke up with her husband. Like they got a divorce. With a message on Facebook Messenger. Did she blown away. Yeah. Broke up with her husband. Like they got a divorce. With a message on Facebook Messenger. Did she send it or he sent it?

She sent it. After they'd been together for nine years. What the fuck? Yep. Facebook Messenger. Yeah. I might have to bleep out your name, actually. If you've heard a heap of bleeps is

because i realized we've just realized we can't use sh should i even no i'll just beep it if i have to but yeah isn't that was it a was there a bit of back and forth i don't have any more information dear husband you're now my ex-husband yeah no, maybe she just changed the status. You know, like the other person has to approve it. Yeah. It's just changed her. Stop saying their name. Ding dong has just changed her relationship status as single. They're like, what the fuck?

He says, why have you changed that? And they go, because I am. He poked her and then she sent a gif. I'm pretty sure it's gif. I don't fucking know. Well, it is gif. It's good that Derek's here. Scooter Derek?

Gif? Yeah, gif. Fuck off, mate. Tony, get fucked. Gif? No. That would be J-I-F. I saw that.

No, because G can be G. Not in this case. George. Gif. G can be G Not in this case GIF Well I saw that the guy who invented the GIF Died and his name starts with G

And I saw this thing and it was like Oh the inventor of the GIF died Rest in peace And I can't remember the punchline Thanks for sharing Yeah you love to say it Nickel a purse Nickel in a purse Thanks for sharing. Yeah, you love to say it. Nickel a purse.

Nickel in a purse? Best place to keep it. Nickel in a purse. Quite similar. My ex-fiance called off the wedding via text message when we were both in the same house. Like, they were literally both in the house at the time. He texted me from the living room while I was in our bedroom and told me he had feelings for someone else.

Oh, fucking hell. How would you be? So she goes to bed going, oh, he'll probably come in when he's finished watching the footy or, you know, whatever. And then she gets a text going, hey's um tim tim from home yeah it's tim from your uh literally the same house yeah your partner of however many years yeah your fiance i've actually got feelings for another girl cancel the wedding i don't want to be with you i'm going to move in with this other girl instead i'm guessing he would have put an xoxo on the end yeah break the ice a little bit i felt and rightly so nicola i felt

sick i couldn't even look at him i would have thought it was a joke i would have thought that was a in-person conversation before i could look at him or see him i had packed my stuff and i'd left maybe it was a joke and she just doesn't and he's sitting in the lounge and I'm like, someone at the door? But it's her slamming it and, like, driving off. Nicola went to bed three and a half years ago. Where is she? She must be really tired. She wasn't at the wedding either.

Must have needed it. Yeah. So maybe he was joking and Nicola left. Yeah. Oh, she wasn't at the wedding. That was weird, wasn't it? Good day, though. Her friend was hot, so I married her instead while we were there.

I hate to waste the cake. I would have assumed that was an in-person conversation. Well, I would prefer that too because at least we know he was serious. Yeah. Maybe it was the wrong number. I hope not. Otherwise, it means that he was fucking another girl, was engaged to another woman.

Yeah, and he was breaking up with her, so he concentrated on Nicola. She's like, we're not engaged. Things you love to see. What do you love to see, Tonya? I found this meme online and I want to show it to you first so that you can laugh and then I'll describe it

because you know how I'm not good with punchlines as we learnt just before? Well, one of the key parts of having a punchline is having one. Having it, yeah. So I found this meme on Twitter. So, it's a woman. That is the best thing I've ever seen. It's going to be so shit.

You're going to read this out and everyone's going to go, it's not that funny. I know, but it's so good. So it's a woman on the BBC breakfast show. She's obviously a guest. And the bar across the bottom has her name on it. And her name is Helen Back. And the top of the meme says, she's had a hard life, she's been to dot, dot, dot, and then it just adds her name, it's Helen Back.

Helen Back. I almost shit when I saw that. I'm shitting now. Yeah, it's so fucking funny. Yeah, pretty good. I wish that I could describe it better. I'd love to see it. I'm going to put it in the Facebook group because it's so fucking funny.

That's so fucking good. Thank you. Helen Back. I don't think I it in the Facebook group because it's so fucking funny. That's so fucking good. Thank you. Hell and back. I don't think I've ever seen you laugh that hard. I've got resting bitch face. Thinking bitch face. Have you got something you love to say that's better than hell and back? I might.

And not because it's anything. It's just a great meme and I'm like, fuck, that's funny. Oh, I love that. Do you think it's nice, strangely, and not like in a sadistic way, Do you think it's nice, strangely, and not like in a sadistic way, that when you find out that like Hollywood couples or just those couples that seem to be perfect, there's a little fight or a disagreement and you kind of go, oh. Kind of like humanises them.

Humanising them. Because you're like, oh, you're so rich. Everything must be so easy and perfect for you. I think, yeah, everything must be perfect. And it's almost a bit for when you have like a disagreement with your partner. You're like, oh, no one else seems to, like, why can't we be perfect like them? And you go, oh, no. Everyone has their little debates and things they don't agree on

and they have to make compromises and so on and so forth. Especially like now with Instagram. Everything looks so perfect. You just see a highlight reel. Yeah, it's bullshit. Like, I just see you having a great coffee and having a great wife and a great dog and having a great job. I have all of those things.

But I know. But there's also struggle mixed in with that that you don't post on Instagram. Yeah. But then you're like, oh my God. Sometimes I sleep in and people are like, geez, you must be tired. Must have needed that. Must have needed that. Do you know what Isaac Newton not created, but I guess.

The apple thing. Newton's law. Apple. Gravity. Bingo. Yeah, the thing. Newton's law. Apple. Close. Gravity. Bingo. Yeah, the apple fell on his head. Oh. That's right, eh?

Yeah, okay. Yeah. When you said apple thing, I'm like, no, that's Steve Jobs. And also, I should suggest he didn't create gravity. He just, like, recognised it and named it and stuff. No, but I fucking knew you bloody dickhead. Yeah, so this is what it says. It's like a play between two people.

It's Isaac Newton and Isaac Newton's wife. Isaac Newton's wife. Isaac Newton's wife. Isaac Newton's wife drops a dish. Isaac Newton. Oh, see how that fell to the ground? You know what that's because of? Isaac Newton's wife. I fucking get it. You figured out gravity. I fucking understand. that fell to the ground? You know that's because of Isaac Newton's wife.

I fucking get it. You figured out gravity. I fucking understand. Just leave me the fuck alone. I know you're smart. That is funny. Sorry. She's been to hell and back.

Yeah, just on the back of hell and back. I feel like there's just no laugh worth anything. That is funny, though. Go again. Go again. So Isaac Newton's wife dropped something and then Isaac Newton goes, you know why that was funny? She goes, I fucking get it, you created gravity.

You described it so much better the second time. You needed the practice. Thank you for giving me the room to get that right though. The third time, I'll fucking nail it. Stay tuned for next week. Tomorrow on the show, we are going to be talking about the movie Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

So if you haven't seen it, watch it tonight. Australian classic. Oh, I'd actually never seen it. Neither have I. I'm fucking grateful and blessed now to have that in my life. Even though I hated the tapas for choosing it, because I really wanted to watch the castle on our Australian classic comedy week. Yep.

I'm glad I saw it. I'm so glad I saw it. So we're talking about Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and my boyfriend's been online shopping again. Fucking shocker. Alright, see you tomorrow. Love you, bye.