Toni and Ryan - Pray For Pool Noodle

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

This one reallllly has to be seen to be believed. Plus something weird happened at a cafe that I am yet to recover from. Love u xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling the Gold Coast and we're calling James. The Gold Coast? You've been to the Goldie much? Yeah, I've spent a fair bit of time up there. You would have. Yeah. It's a good place. And by a good place, I mean an awful place. Oh, well, we can't say that because we're just going.

I like awful in the best kind of way. Hello, James speaking. James, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Good, guys. How you going? We're good. Ryan just said that the Gold kind of way. Hello, James speaking. James, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Good, guys. How are you going? We're good. Ryan just said that the Gold Coast is awful. What's your thoughts on that, James?

That's not exactly what I said. I love the Gold Coast. Of course you do. It's the Goldie. James, will you understand when I say it's the most awful place in the best kind of way? Does that feel right? Oh, it definitely feels right.

Yeah. It definitely does. I mean, that's why they call it BrisVegas. That's Brisbane. No, but it's the same, isn't it? Oh, don't say that. Is Brisbane on the Gold Coast? No.

Isn't it? No. No, because once I was in Brisbane and I caught the train to the Gold Coast, so it must be close. Well, you can't catch the train to the place you already are. That's not true. That's right. You could be on a loop.

And I've got the same thing. The city circle. Yes, thank you. I stand corrected. James, do you approve today's podcast? Of course I will, mate. Woo-hoo. I mean, it's not a geography podcast.

It's fine. Hi, this is James from the Gold Coast, not Brisbane, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show. Today is a video show as well as an audio show, which means you can listen on Spotify. So tech whiz, audio queen, sound engineer, Tony Lodge will explain how to make that work for you.

So if your video show is not, so it should just, when you hit play, it should actually just start, like you should see the video on your phone straight away. And then there's like a little, you know, the little square with the lines in it. So you could cast it to your TV or another device or whatever. If the video show is not playing for you, which it has come up for a few people recently,

you might have Data Saver on, which means so there's like a screen. I don't know if you'll be able to see that or not, but it's called Data Saver. And it says like download. There's like an option for video podcast and it says download audio only or stream audio only. To save the data. To save your data and you might have that flicked on.

Hook it up to the Wi-Fi and flick that shit off, son. Yeah, so make sure that you, if that is one of the, if it's not working for you, that might be switched on. So have a look because it should just start playing automatically. Yeah, and spoiler alert, there's some shit you want to see in this one. Yeah, like so flick it off right now. switched on so have a look um because it should just start playing automatically yeah and uh spoiler alert yeah there's some shit you want to see in this yeah like so flick it up right now oh that was a real lighty laugh yeah no it is though because do you remember a few weeks ago we learned about poor kayla who got a sex toy stuck in her butt after a bloke she just met on

tinder like pushed it in and then he couldn't get it out. Yeah. And really, though, this was a story, a testament to that guy who went to the hospital with her and was really caring. Can you imagine, like, the amount of people that would go, well, too hard basket, catcher. Don't say too hard. Sorry. But, yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, there's not a lot of people that would, you know, ferry down to the hospital with you and, like, make sure you're okay. Yeah. If you missed the story about Kayla getting the butt plug stuck inside of her from a first date, it's on the screen now. Enjoy it. You've got that one as well too. Oh, yeah, I do have it, yeah.

Just to remind yourself. And then once you see the picture, it's quite obvious what it is, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, you can't mistake that for anything. No. Yeah. In the world. Like, there's nothing else that that could be. Like, you imagine when you're in a situation, you go, oh, yeah,

like I accidentally fell over and the vitamin water bottle was just open and they've got such a big mouth and just like my penis just fell in. Like there's no mistaking that for anything else. Nope. Yeah. Now I've got more stories for some other radiographers who have similar x-ray stories to share with us. But first, I don't know if you remember because we both lost it

when we heard Taylor's story. What did I say? Taylor. Yeah, rhymes. Okay. Close. But we were cackling and losing our minds and we were like, what about this?

How did this happen? So, Taylor's messaged us in and said, I've got all the answers to those questions. So first of all, a lot of people in the comments said, oh, what happened to the toy? She got to keep it. That's nice. Like when you get to keep your appendix.

Sure. The nurses put it in a bucket and I was allowed to take it home. A bucket. How big was it? You got this huge pail of like, how does that fit in your asshole if you need a bucket for it? You couldn't just put in like a takeaway coffee cup or something. I think the bucket was more of a so they don't have to touch it.

They can just hand you the bucket. You know what I mean? Like, here's the bucket. They go, we're going to need that bucket back. Like, could you bring that back tomorrow? People ask, what was the toy made out of? It was made out of glass, which means it was super smooth. Hence, like once it slips slips through it's like.

And because like the butthole is like because your sphincter like tightens and loosens up and whatever, so it would like suck it in quite like as soon as it got like good and you're in a really good place with it, which I imagine would be, you know, you're doing the dirty, you've got the butt pugging, whatever, it would quite actively like take in. Yeah. You need a bigger flare on the end, I think.

This is what we're all learning. The product design needs to work. Yeah. It really needs to be like a full mat, I would say. Yeah. You need like a 30 centimetre ruler on the end so that it can't then get sucked in. An anchor.

Yeah. A reverse anchor. Yeah. A reverse anchor. Yeah. A wanker. A wanker. What does surgically remove actually mean? Does it mean cut or stretch? Was a commonly asked question.

Do you want me to give you the answer or do you need to think about that for a little bit? I didn't even think of that question. It means stretched. So they surgically like stretch a butthole and then go and grab it, which is unconscious. I mean, you'd rather they did that than, like, cut your tummy open. Yeah, like a C-section. Yeah, like, you know, like.

Out through the sunroof. So what does surgically stretch mean? Do you mean that it's a surgery and they stretch it? They stretch it. It's not that there's not a surgical instrument? There would definitely be an instrument of some sort. So like when I had stretched ears, which is- My answer is already it's not the same.

I know it's not the same. But when I had stretched ears, like you have to do it really slowly. So like you'll put really, really tiny, like one mil in and it hurts like fuck. And then you go like one and a half or like to two mil or two and a half mil, three mil, whatever. I imagine it's like the jaws of life. Well, like, but you would just tear. long like cone or, you know, something like with a like gradually gets bigger that they kind of lube up and then like warm you up and stuff and then like slowly slide that in and then that would be how

they'd like stretch it. Do we need a third follow-up from Kayla? Just a reminder, she was unconscious face down. Oh, no, no. I'm just not asking for her genuine. I'm just like how would they do it? The answer is stretch. And I actually don't want to know anymore.

Because if they went too quick, it would just tear. I mean, we've all been there. Yeah, we've all torn our arseholes. Have we all been there? Well, like have you ever done like a massive poo and you've gone, oh, that was a bit quick and big? No, because you have IBS. Yeah.

So you probably actually haven't had that. Yeah, no, it's soft and easy. Yeah, but you know when you have like a real solid poo, like maybe you've been a bit constipated or something? No. I'm saying for the people, if you've been like really constipated and then you've got a big poo and you go, oh, that was a bit like fucking itchy on the way out.

That was a bit of a, that was a terror. The next question was this was the first time they met. So like what happened with the guy? They're still together. They ended up dating for another six weeks. But then, you know, different paths went their own way. No hard feelings. Nothing bad happened.

But I think the fact that they went back and kind of got through that, like, you know, I respect both of them. I reckon great icebreaker. And then the next day, you've got something pretty funny, like equaliser of like, hey. But do you reckon the following night when he's like doing it from behind and goes, should I go again? Well, I don't think they would have been able to have sex straight away.

She would have been in a bit of pain. Surgically stretched. It wouldn't have been a touch to the sides. I regret saying that. I'm thinking about it. Do you want to hear some more stories from radiographers? I actually don't know if I can after all that chat. A French bulldog Don't, don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. A French bulldog ate her owner's Playboy bunny G-string. Kitty is a veterinary nurse and said this particular thong was regular material. It also, but it had. Don't. I've got a French bulldog. She's so tiny.

I've got a French bulldog and she's so tiny. This particular thong was regular material except it had the metal Playboy bunny at like the top of the butt. Yeah, I know because I've had a Playboy bra and they've got that like on the middle part here. Look at the photo and Kitty just said, this is how we knew, this is the X-ray of the bulldog. Oh. X-ray of the bulldog. So you can see the little outline of the bunny. Because obviously you can't see the cotton or whatever it is

because it's an X-ray, but the metal just really sticks up. Poor little guy. She looks like a branded, like it looks like a piece of marketing. Like it looks like that would be like, oh, like have it inside you. I don't know. I don't know. But like you just imagine some like sexy tagline. I'm sure there's still a thing probably,

but wasn't like a Playboy bunny G-string a real moment in time? Oh, and even me just saying, admitting that I had Playboy bras is like quite a. Okay, we're going to say the peak year that that would have been. Okay. Three, two, one. 97. Oh. Yeah, actually, I think like the Playboy bunny like stickers on cars.

Yeah. And Playboy bunny like seat covers and phone cases and stuff, that was probably closer to, yeah, 99, like what you said, early 2000s. But I had a Playboy Bunny bra in 2011 because I remember I'd finished school. No wonder the girls in high school thought you did anal. You had a Playboy Bunny bra with a metal thing where the boobs are. Where the boobs are. Your boobies.

Where the boobs are. There's no picture with this one. Of my boobs? Both. If you're a person with a penis, get ready to squirm. Oh, here we go. Tapa Joseph is a nurse and said one time he had to assist a radiographer x-ray a man who had a Bic pen stuck inside his penis.

Was the ink cartridge in it? Or was it just the pen sheath? Does it matter? Sorry for saying sheath. Don the pen sheath? Does it matter? Sorry for saying sheath. Don't say sheath. Because big pens, they have the holes in them like the lid so that if you swallow it, you can still breathe. Really?

Yeah. That's like why design one. Swallow it with your penis? With your pee hole? So your penis can still breathe. Breathe. Heaven forbid he chokes. Yeah, your dinosaurs.

No, your dragon. Oh, sorry. I said dinosaur. Everyone take a deep breath. Anonymous radiographer says, I frequently x-ray people with various objects stuck in their butt. They would have just seen everything. This one bloke, however, was a regular.

Oh, well, I mean, surely you'd learn after the first time. That's what I, you'd think so. You would actually think so. But one man kept getting a pool noodle stuck in his butt and came in numerous times. Question. Yep. Same pool noodle?

No, I'm asking, is it the same? But like each time, is it the same one? He goes, yeah, it's that same purple one from last time. You know the pool noodles you've got with the animals on it? The dinosaur head? The turtle? Maybe. Have a look at the CT scan.

And it's not an X-ray. It's a CT scan reconstruction. And there's another picture as well. I didn't know there was so much room inside a human. I'm confused. I'm confused That um Because of how far it's gone in It looks like it's on the front

Yeah Like I actually looked at that and went Is it over his penis? Is it his dick? No it's gone up the butt It's gone all the way through It came back out the other end of the penis That's how they got it out

They pulled it out Went all the way through Just watch the big pen on the way through Yeah You had to sign something before Yeah That's how they got it out. They pulled it out and went all the way through. Just watch the big pen on the way through. Yeah, I had to sign something before. I am in disbelief. Do you reckon that the first time he came in,

they went, we should have got a photo of that. Second time they come in, he goes, didn't get a photo again. Forgot again. He comes in a third time and you go, well, fuck. Yeah. My friends didn't believe me and now I'm going to get that photo. And then the fourth time he came in, they're like, seriously, mate. It's like, because you can see the rib cage. It's like up in his, like it's come all the way like up to his tummy.

Yeah. How on God's fucking green earth has that not, has that happened? No judgment. Not to kink shame. Who are we to say? Who are we to say? But wowza dowza, that is a freaking phenomenon. For the embarrassment to go into the hospital, not once, not twice,

but, you know, multiple times and become a regular. Okay, here's what I'm saying. Buy a sex toy, babe. At least then it's safe and you're not going to get lost. Here's what I'm saying. Considering the risks and the cons, imagine how good to him it must feel to be worth that risk. You know what I'm saying?

Like after three times. It was kind of rough as well. It's so convenient. So ours snapped the other day. Don't say snapped. Because I think over winter it must have like not got used and like dried it up and hardened up. And then as the kids played with them, it just went because they weren't soft and moist. Well, because they're like spongy.

Yeah. And they would soak up the chlorine so that like makes them go dry. Not that I think that this person is using them for the pool. Well, he's having a pool while they do it. I just, you know when, like, you know when you go to a cafe? You know when you go to a cafe? Don't bring cafes into this. And, like, say you fancy someone that works there.

Yeah. And then that becomes, like, you go, oh, I'll get a latte from that. It's a bit further away, but I'll get my latte from that place because, oh, the person who works there is real cute. Is this how Cam had a crush on the guy from the thing up the road? The other cafe? Yeah, we went to the other cafe for a little while. Do you think, because there's no way that this has happened

multiple times by accident. Yeah. Does this person maybe fancy someone that works at the hospital and has to keep coming up with an excuse to go back? I thought you said he might have fancied the guy at the pool store where he buys the noodles from. No, no, no. Same again, Charles?

Yeah. Yeah, just the bottom end. You got that thick one again, bud? Is it cheaper if I only buy a third of it? So you reckon he's got a thing for the radiographer? And he goes, the only way I get to hang out with this guy if I fucking swallow a pool noodle with my arsehole. And maybe, because I just don't think there's another way

to explain this happening multiple, multiple times. Maybe they were trying to construct like, construct a meet cute and this is just the best way he thought to do it. There's so many words in that sentence that I don't like. It's just a theory. It's just a fair theory. We're fans nonetheless. I'm trying to give this person, like, a benefit,

the benefit of the doubt, but whoa. Oh, I think. I can't believe he hasn't committed damage in there. The way the anonymous radiographer has described it, I don't think this guy was pretending that it wasn't what it was. As in like, oh, I felt it. He was just coming in and goes, sorry, fellas, stuck again. Righto, mate, up on the desk.

Is Jim in? He's really nice. Like, I don't know. My scalp with my tweezers and my long rubber gloves right up to the wrist. Thanks, Vanessa. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Give me my scalp and my tweezers and my long rubber gloves right up to the wrist. Thanks, Vanessa. Yeah, like, I don't know. I can't really come back from that. That's it.

Well, everyone take a breath. We'll cut to the thingy here and we'll go cracking. Hi, this is James from the Gold Coast and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Tarpers, Tony and Ryan podcast-ers. Thank you so much. Emily McKenzie Ross. Love to say that M.

Thank you. Lindsay Pertz or Pertz or Pertz. That's the correct pronunciation. It's P-E-R-Z. I'm like Pertz, like a little key cap. Malcolm Porrett. Thank you so much, Malcolm. And Michael Tharrington.

You love to say that. Tharrington. Sorry. I was trying to say thank you and Harrington. It was Tharrington. That's what I meant. So it was kind of already thank you and Harrington, wasn't it? I'm embarrassed.

I'm embarrassed. Sorry, we're just a bit rattled still from the fucking poor noodles. And during the break there, we spent a good five minutes re-evaluating both the pictures and our lives. And our lives, yeah. So that's where we are. But, Tony, how have you been, mate? Well, you being embarrassed actually brings us right to where I need you because something quite embarrassing happened and it had already happened and there was nothing I could do to take it back.

So strap yourself in and remain embarrassed because this is – it's embarrassing. So last week my friend Tessa, colleague turned friend, was down from Sydney. So I know Tessa because she was the editor of my book. Yep. So we met strictly work vibes and we got along really well and my book is obviously finished and it's all done

and all of that's kind of like closed off now. But we still chat fairly regularly. Because every story needs to be about me in my mind. Yeah. Did I aid this new friendship when I invited her to dinner with us that time? Well, we were already friends, but, I mean, it helped even more, I guess.

Thank you. Thank you to her as well for not outing me for saying my baby name drunk in the restaurant. She did bring that up actually while we were together. She went, oh, and because she listens to the podcast as well. Oh, Mabel didn't see that coming. And she goes, oh, how'd they come up with that name? But I don't know if you remember that night we were all together

and we had dinner. She was talking about her wedding. Yes. So she has since gotten married. And she's only been back at work for a couple of weeks. She was down meeting some prospective authors, you know, coming down and whining and dining people to be like, oh, would you like to write a book for us?

They're still trying to hit you up for a second. They are. You still tell them to fuck off out of your life. Yep, and within the first 15 minutes of us seeing each other, she goes, so? And I went, no. Ask me again, but I'm still going to say no, but I will accept the free treats while you're here.

If you want to come down and wine and dine me hoping for that, I will take the wining and dining. I'll allow it. Yeah. To, you know, keep our friendship blossoming. I think. Because I actually really like her. We get along great.

I think her wining and dining you is like a boyfriend and girlfriend going on a holiday to Paris, right? Because before you leave you have to go, it's not a proposal, so I just need to like. Oh, set the boundaries straight away, the expectation. Let's not ruin our trip by. You thinking every time. Oh, should I get my nails done?

Yeah, yeah. And so when she comes down, you go, I'm not doing another book. Yep. Come on down. Have a good time. Not going to happen. I'll take the martini, but there's no book. Keep your typewriter at home. Nails don. Have a good time. Not going to happen. I'll take the martini, but there's no book. Keep your typewriter at home. Nails don't need to be done. Don't deal

with anything. We don't need a photographer. That's a great point, actually, for anybody that's about to take their partner to Paris. Just be up front. Say it straight away. Takes all the pressure out of the room. So anyway, she goes, oh, are you free blah afternoon we'll go grab a coffee and i was like absolutely sounds great lock it in um the weather in melbourne recently has been absolutely stunning stunning like you cannot stay inside right now it's actually illegal and if you walk into a business they go you actually need to leave you'll it's so beautiful fucking out there. They'll shove a fucking pool noodle up your eye. It is beautiful. Yeah, it's stunning.

And doesn't it make such a massive impact on the mood? I've been in the best mood for like two or three weeks because the weather's just been so beautiful. You said something nice in a text message yesterday or smart or something. Something happened. And I was like, okay, great. And then you went, it's the sunshine. I'm a new person.

It was because I was like, you said, oh, have you organised this? And I was like, no, I'll deal with that soon. And I was like, the sun is making me whimsical. I'm like chilled out. It's the opposite of being defrosted. I'm like, I'm chill out. You're thawed out. I've thawed out, but I'm chill because I'm like, oh,

everything's just fine. Yeah. Everything's just always going to be fine. It's also because your hair's great. Yeah, my hair does look really good. Hair's great, sun's out, fucking. It's coming up, Tony, and I mean that in both ways. Anyway, so it's stunning weather, and I said,

let's meet at this cafe around the corner from 8,000 Blessings, which I've talked about on the pod before. Torbs and I go there all the time. And I've talked about how they've recently got that big gazebo out the front so you can sit out in the sun, the air, but you're not getting burnt. And anyway, I had a few things to do during the day and then I went there.

It was the last thing I had to do. And I had to meet her at 2. I got there at 5 to 2. Of course you did. And she was already sitting out the front. Oh, trumped. Trumped. And did you go, oh, my God, sorry I'm late, even though you were early?

Did you say that? I was like, sorry I'm late. And then I'm like, oh, sorry, late to being early. And she was like, that's so fine. Shut the fuck up. But she, because she was already sitting there. And she was like, oh, I actually finished the meeting that I had before you. Finished that early.

So I came here and was like, oh, the weather's so beautiful, I'll just like sit here and work. Like she had her laptop out. Would she like to actually mind staying away until the correct time because I'm working? Yeah, she's like, I've got five minutes left of work to do and I would love it if you didn't talk to me. Considering you're already a no, I need to hustle up some authors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already know that you're a no. Because can Ryan write or read? And you go, mate, do yourself a favour, steer the fuck clear away. The person at the table next door, she's like, you want to write a book? She's just hitting everyone out. Anyone? And because, like, the weather was so lovely, we're sitting out in the sun,

it was so nice, and, like, she'd obviously been there. I was like, fuck, you've been here for a while. Because she had, like, already, like, drunk a coffee. Oh, okay. And she'd done, like like the water pouring out. Like there was a bottle of water, there was two glasses and we just started chatting straight away because she's, I haven't seen her since she got married.

I was like, oh, my God, you look beautiful. Like saw all the photos. You looked so stunning. European honeymoon? Yeah, so they were in Europe for like six weeks after that. So they did like a backpacky honeymoon where they did like heaps of travelling and some parts were real fancy, some parts were like roughing it. Fun.

But it was all the photos I saw on Instagram. As you know, I love to live vicariously through a European trip and they did it right. They did it right. Anyway, and so we just like started chatting, get carried away. I'm like sipping on my water. We're being like inner city girls having a coffee meeting in the afternoon in the sun.

Like it was just. Whimsical. It was whimsical. It was whimsical. I'm defrosted. I'm ready to go. And the owner of the cafe, she's always like out there cleaning tables, checking on everybody.

And she comes over to clean the table and the owner goes, oh, my God, I'm sorry we're so busy. Like there was no spare tables. Beautiful day. Did I mention the weather? You did. She goes, oh, my God, I'm so sorry we're so busy, haven't cleaned this table before you sat down.

Let me get you some water. And I was like, oh, yep, thank you. And I was like, the table wasn't dirty when we sat down, was it? And she's like talking about her wedding. Yeah. And I'm like, hang on, I wasn't. No, no. I wasn't the person that sat down.

She was. Yeah. And the bottle of, I look over to the glass bottle of water, I realise it's like pretty low down and I go, oh, have you already had, because you know when you see like a latte glass and it's got like the caked coffee on the outside. I was like, oh, have you already had a coffee? And she goes, I don't drink coffee.

And I was like. But thanks for inviting me to this cafe. Yeah. And I was like. But thanks for inviting me to this cafe. Yeah. And I was like, oh. And the cogs are slowly turning. She goes, I don't drink coffee. It was here when I sat down. How much of the water had you drank?

Like the glass. Yeah. Well, the half glass that was there from whoever was there before us. Stranger water. Stranger water. No wonder I keep getting fucking COVID. You're licking glasses from strangers. I'm just walking around drinking other people's stuff.

Do you have COVID again? Yet to be determined. And I go, what? And I go, was that here when you sat down? Like, because it's pretty busy and the owners are like, was that here? And she goes, yeah. Yeah, it must have been. And we've just gotten so into the conversation about her wedding and whatever.

You're going to finish that coffee? I'll take it. I went, I've been drinking this water. I've been drinking stranger water. And I said, did you pour this? And she goes, what? And I go, did you pour this water? And I go, I've been drinking this water.

And she goes, what? And I go, I've been drinking this water. And she goes, what? And I go, I've been drinking this water. Anyway, Stranger Waters coming out in April 2024. Yeah. I finally got something to write about. And anyway, the owner comes back over. She's got a big, like, beautiful glass full fucking jug of water. She goes, guys, I'm so, so sorry.

Like, we should have cleaned that up. I was like, yeah! You fucking... Do you know the dangers of stranger water? You need to fucking... You need to be careful. What was it called when, back in COVID, when, like, a place got COVID and they brought in, like,

the super soaker heavy duty wash? What was it called? Like, the forensic cleaners? Yeah in like the super soaker, heavy duty wash. What was it called? Like the forensic cleaners. Yeah, they did the forensic cleaning and they sprayed all the surfaces down. Send them in. Do you know, apart from how crazy that is that that happened, can you believe it's taken 30 years for that to happen? I was almost like, how has this taken so long?

It's happened more times. This is just the first time you've been aware of it. Think about every, yeah. You know who I blame? It's not the cafe's fault. It's Tessa's fault. Because she was sitting there working. She sat down at a dirty table and then you sit down,

she sees you pour the water and she just goes, hmm. Well, no, the water was already poured. It was already in the thing. Well, she knows this. Either way. And so I'm like, you've poured. Because you know when you sat down in a cafe, they bring the water over, you automatically pour.

They tip it in. Yeah. Like muscle memory. You don't even know. I must have poured it. Yeah. But she knew. And so I sat down and automatically went.

How are you to know that that wasn't her coffee in her dirty glass? And that's why you'll never write a book for her again. Yeah. And that's why. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I'm so traumatised. And I think it also was just the fact that it took so long to like,

it was like the math meme. The meme, yeah. Or like Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and he's got like the yarn up. I have no doubt we'll make a reel out of this story and use both those memes in the video. I've got to love to see it. Speaking of reels, a lot of people have seen this on either YouTube or Instagram.

But Anthony, who listens to the podcast, his username is at SketchyAnt, which I just thought was cute for a little ant, but it's Anthony. It took me a little longer than it should have to realise that. Stranger water vibes. We'll put it on the screen now if you're watching, but he has animated a story that we told and it's incredible. It's so funny as well. It's when I fell over and Tony...

Flying John, the episode was called. Flying John. But he's animated that whole story and he's just done such a good job. He's made Cam even gayer than he is, but have you got feedback on your walk? Gayest walk anyone's ever seen is what people are saying about Cam. And that was before the animation. People were just saying that already. We'll pop the full link up in the episode thread.

But incredible work, Anne. It's really cool. He's really done a great job and I love to see that. So thank you for going to the trouble of whipping that up. I believe he messaged, he did a little bit and then messaged Cam and was like, oh, is this cool? And we're like, man, of course, we're honoured. So incredible work. Thank you so

much, Anthony. You do love to see it. It's really cool. And I was flattered. I was like, oh, you've like gone to this effort for us. It's really nice. My love to see it is this meme that I saw and I'm going to show it to you before I try and explain it because it's one of those ones where I think it might be a bit of a

thinker. You'll, uh, yep. Do you want me to? Yeah. If you would like to try and explain it, that might be good. Okay. So someone said, you'll never make it in Hollywood, David. Yep.

And then we see a shot of the credits and it says, David. And his role in the movie is vigorous handjob guy. And to the haters of Dave, I say, fuck you, suck on that. And I've never been to Hollywood. No. But Dave has. He's made a living out of it. Exactly right.

So who are we to judge? And if I'm not mistaken, it's actually the SVU font. It is. It looks like the Laura Norton. And you know how there's always like really quirky rolls of like whatever people have done? You know what? It's never that guy that did the crime. No.

So the vigorous handjob guy comes out first and you watch and go, well, obviously it's that guy. He did it. But it turns out it wasn't. Yeah. And David probably got the role and he goes, vigorous handjob guy? I'm and you watch and go, well, obviously it's that guy. He did it. But it turns out it wasn't. Yeah, and David probably got the role and he goes, vigorous handjob guy, I'm going to be the star. He was only on for two seconds. Yeah, such a shame.

All that talent wasted. Well, speaking of wasted talent, Tony is an incredible performer, as we all know. That's nice. But you are on the record and saying you're anti-handjob because you're an adult. I'm a grown-up. Yeah, so... Suck it or fuck off.

That came out too fast. I'm really sorry about that. Thank you for apologising. Shall we make merch of that, though? So, I mean... I'm really sorry, everyone. No wonder you haven't been to Hollywood and Dave has. Yeah.

You can see what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. You know that thing where it's like Jack Black, School of Rock, and they go, oh, the role he was born to play. Oh, yes. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Do you reckon Dave reads the... My whole life has been working up to this moment. I've been vigorously giving handjobs for years and then finally that sheet comes up and I go, oh, it's my time. I mean, I would just love to know what the audition was like. There's just 12 guys in a room all doing it. They go, he's perfect. Are they jerking themselves or someone else?

Well, I mean, it's hooking you through. Okay, here's what I would do if I was the director. It's the Dutch rudder from Zack and Miriam Hagen-Bloh. We're not touching dicks. It's not gay. it's hooking you through. Okay, here's what I would do if I was the director. It's the Dutch writer from Zack and Miriam Hagen-Bloom. We're not touching dicks. It's not gay. We're not touching dicks. I'm happy to receive the hand job and as the director. I bet you are. And as the director, you're like,

we've had 10 finalists. Obviously it's got to go to David. Maybe we'll do a callback. Let's get them in again. Let's get the top 8 and then we'll whittle it down two by two. Actually, we've seen ten. I'd love to see another food and just see what happens. Until A, we find the perfect guy or B, I die of dehydration.

Yeah, I mean, that's why, you know, the sexual harassment in Hollywood. I mean, because that's what, you know, people are doing. But, I mean, it's led to David's dream coming true. Don't say coming. Also, though, the guy who was typing the credits, he goes, yeah, what did David play? A vigorous. Yeah, you imagine he goes, I know it's what it says,

but before I, like, put it on the TV. Are we sure that this is what we're doing? Do you want us to double check? That show could have gone on at 7.30, but because of the credits, it had to go on at 9. Because kids are in bed then. On Monday's episode. Woohoo!

How smart is your friend? And conversely, how smart do your friends think you are? Oh, I'm going to get sad. Okay, yep. I've got a little test that you can do with your friends. Ooh, a test. Oh, a quiz.

I like these. Yeah. All right, so that's coming up on Monday. Love you. Bye. Bye.