Toni and Ryan - Public Vasectomies

Episode Date: October 23, 2022

Awkward public cafe vasectomies and defrosting Michael Buble. Love you! Toni xoxoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Not only is this a prover from Western Australia, the, would you say that the heart and soul of Tony and Ryan? Oh, no, probably not. But like, obviously close to our hearts. We've never been there together. Well, I'm from there. I live there for ages.

Anyway, the person we're calling not only is from Western Australia, their name is Charisma. And I mean, no pressure. You know what I'm saying? Oh my God. So we've got to really put on our, our hottest voices. Yeah. But like, I hope they're good. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my God. So we've got to really put on our hottest voices. Yeah, but like I hope they're good. You know what I'm saying? Because imagine if you were called charisma and like.

Yeah, like if I was called summer. Yeah. Wouldn't work. No, because you're always wearing black. No. I'm not a summer. You're a cold, earthy winter. Thank you.

Let's just call Charisma. Hello? Hello, is that Charisma? Oh, my God! Is it? Oh, my God, yes. Hi, Charisma, it's Tony and Ryan. You're joking.

Get back. No, I'm not. She's like, oh, so that was my mum. God, yes. Hi, Charisma and Woods, Tony and Ryan. You're joking. You can get fucked. No, I'm not. She's like, oh, so that was my mum. Hi, guys. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Come on. Will you approve this podcast, Charisma? Oh, fuck yes, I will.

See, people from WA just do it better. Yeah, WA. Feels right. Well, I don't know what to say. I just forgot what to say. No, you don't have to say anything. You screaming is perfect. Oh, my God.

Ah! Leave it there. Oh, my God. Hi, it's Charissa from of The Wolf of Wall Street. Ow! And, okay. Sorry, that was, oh, like, wolf. Did you watch it?

Yeah, I did. Because you know it's not really about wolves. No, I know. I was like, here's the first sign that maybe you didn't see the whole thing. That I didn't see through it. Oh, you know like the wolf walking through New York and shit? You know how he's a werewolf? There's been a lot of...

When someone says something wrong, you know how the new thing is like, hey, don't walk past. You need to call them out. What do you mean? Just in general. Like if you know how the new thing is like, hey, don't walk past. You need to call them out. What do you mean? Just in general. Like if someone's doing the wrong thing. Oh, my God. I thought you were still talking about the Wolf of Wall Street.

Well, some people have said some things in Patreon, and Marley Ferguson, Caressa Hollingsworth, and Arianne Parr will be called out for their vile language. So do you mean like that saying that's like the standard you walk past is the standard you accept? Yep. If you hear someone being shit, go step up. Yep.

Say something, say something. So there's a few Patreons in my sights. See, whenever we do the Movie Monday, Movie Monday, you always get angry with the Patreons. I thought it was like a good cop, bad cop thing. It's kind of like common occurrence that you get like a bit miffed. I just want to make sure. Do you want to change the movie? Do you not want to do it anymore?

Well, we'll see how I feel after I've discussed those. Oh, my gosh. We'll get to that soon. But first of all, if you have to say the line, it's not what it looks like. You're obviously not in a good situation. Is that fair to say? Red flag, instantly. Instant red flag. Because I'm like, if you know what it looks like, then you know what maybe you're doing

wrong. It's not what it looks like. Yesterday, I walk into the cafe downstairs from our studio, Jethro's. Jethro, yeah. They're awesome, by the way. Everyone down there is so lovely. Yeah, and when I walk in, you know when it's like you don't see something eventful but it's just like obvious that something eventful has just occurred?

Oh, there's a bit of a like feeling in the air and you're kind of like, oh. So there's a bit of a, it was like the aftermath of like a commotion or a brouhaha and a lot of people kind of like doing their own debrief at their own tables in the cafe. Oh, did he do that? Did someone choose it? And then it's like, like, you know, when you're at a party or something and you maybe walk into a room or an area or a corner of the party or you walk outside and people are like having a DNM or whatever. And you're like, oh, I know that I've walked in on something kind of taking place. Or maybe like, have you ever walked in on someone who's like just kissed?

I mean, not since high school, but yeah. But yeah, like, and they've just kissed and you're like, oh, I can tell that like something's just happened here. What happened? Yeah. Did you touch your penis? You know that feeling? Did you touch your penis? Yeah.

Yeah. I did. Our friend, let's call him Schmike, was sitting there in the cafe. If that's not obvious what his name is, then that's okay. Yeah. Fake name Schmike. Hey, hey, hey. Yep.

Actually, it's not our friend. Some guy. Some genderless person. Someone we've never met. Actually, they're not our friend. Some genderless person. Someone we've never met. Actually, they're not genderless and you're about to find out why. He's sitting there and he looks red-faced. Schmike. Yep.

A little bit nervous, frustrated, embarrassed. Yeah, and he's a pretty happy-go-lucky dude. Yep. Well, how would we know? We don't know who he is. We don lucky dude. Yep. Well, how would we know? We don't know who he is. Yep. And then I sit down and he goes, it's not what it looks like. It's not what they thought.

It's not what they think. What? Yeah. He's married. Yeah. He's got two kids. Yep. Apparently.

Yeah. Well, no, that is actually quite important because it turns out Schmeich, who has two kids, he and his partner have decided that two kids is enough. Great. So he's made some inquiries to get a vasectomy. Oh, great. They've actually just bought a lovely house. Yeah.

Apparently. I'm guessing the amount of bedrooms they're at capacity. They're full to the brim. It's time to shut up. Don't say full to the brim because of obviously what we're talking about. But, well, he wants to be full to the brim with no consequences. Shut up. He wants to fill it to the brim.

So he's been like emailing some clinics, getting some information, because obviously it's not just like, I don't know how it works. Like you just hear the jokes of like, oh, you just get the scissors. But like, you know, what do they actually do? Well, I think it's actually just like, I don't know how it works. Like you just hear the jokes of like, oh, you just get the scissors. But like, you know, what do they actually do? Well, I think it's actually quite quick. Really? Well, yeah. So this guy, I don't know if this is ruining your story,

but this guy that I follow on Instagram, Clint, who is on the radio show Bree and Clint in New Zealand. Yes. He's so funny and so lovely. We're friends. And he. How many times have you hung out in person? Never, never met him.

Good friends, yeah. But we, I didn't say good friends. I said we are friends. And he- How many times have you hung out in person? Never. Never met him. Good friends, yeah. But we- I didn't say good friends. I said we are friends on Instagram. You follow each other. Gotcha. Good. And we message occasionally.

We're good friends. Anyway, he recently had a vasectomy and you go in in the morning and you walk out an hour later with an ice pack on your penis. Right. It's actually pretty in and out. Unlike, obviously, the female equivalent of having a hysterectomy is like horrible abdominal surgery. So Schmeich has emailed a place making some inquiries. I think he's going to go in for his first thing.

And they've sent him like a bit of an information pack. Yeah, sure. Because you'd want to know all the details. Well, you're like, how's it work? But also, you've read the fucking reviews. Oh, absolutely. You're not taking a chance on that. Oh, this're like, how does it work? But also, you're reading the fucking reviews. Oh, absolutely. You're not taking a chance on that. Oh, this guy does it real cheap out of his van.

Yeah, like vansectomies. So they send him a PDF and it's like, here's the frequently asked questions and a brief explanation. Yeah. He's opened the PDF asked questions and a brief explanation. Yeah. He's opened the PDF while sitting in the busy cafe. On his phone? On his laptop. Oh, no.

He's got a 16-inch MacBook. Yeah. Oh, no. That's huge. We're going to say 16-inch something. Oh, no, he's got a 16-inch penis. Oh, that costs extra. And so he's scrolling through and they're like, you know,

it's like that kind of cartoon drawing of like here's where the tube does it. Yeah. And then he scrolls down a bit. Like all of the anatomy photos. Yeah. And there is just a photo like of a massive. No. Dong.

Like a photo. Yeah. Not a cartoon. And then the waitress has walked over and gone, hi, did you have the chili scramble? And looks at his computer and he's sitting there and she doesn't know that he's. Of course not. He doesn't know that Schmeich just bought a house,

has got two kids and he's married. So she just looks at the screen and there's just a massive fucking. Penis. Penis. And so because Schmeich was like, I'm getting a vasectomy. I'm just trying to like, it's totally normal. I got an email. I clicked on the attachment.

So he shows me because he goes, have a look at it. And to be fair to Schmeich, the penis is like fully erect. It's like it's been like it's a porn star dick like it's like been like it's hairless it's like erect the angle so it looked like he was looking at porn yeah in a cafe like it wasn't a medical grade 8 30 in the morning when it's busy um and if it was medical it would look a bit more like clinical clinical yeah And like not fully. And obviously someone's just Googled like penis. Yep.

That'll do. And there's like an arrow basically like, yep, here are the balls and like whatever. So it is explanatory. But the photo they've picked is not medical. Do you have the photo? I don't. But if you like, if you saw it, you go, oh, this is like a professional sending a dick pic. This isn't just like a medical.

So it looked like a dick pic. Yeah. Like that you would send someone you were trying to tune. Yeah. And it was like. Oh, my God. I would describe it as an intimidating dick because it was like, whoa, whoa. And so the girls walked over.

This dick was about business. Yeah. Yeah. It was a business dick. Yeah. It was a business dick. Yeah. It was a business dick. It was literally big dick energy. The definition, it was a big dick and the energy was high.

I don't know how you could be more big dick energy. Call Lizzo. It's fucking on. Yeah. And so the waitress has come over, just seen that and gone, oh, sorry, sorry. And because she, like, she's embarrassed. It's not like she's not going to tell him off. She's embarrassed.

Well, she'd be embarrassed, but also she'd probably feel a bit like, you'd be a bit creeped out. Like if I was a waitress and I walk over to someone and I'm like, oh. Like you'd feel like a bit invaded by that, surely. Because Schmeich was here to visit us. And so if it was us down there. And we go down there all the time. We're like sort of become regulars because it's downstairs

from where we record the pod. And I feel like we're maybe at that stage where it'd be like, oh, I'm thinking of having a vasectomy and I'm looking this. But because he's new, like that's not a first-time chat. Say again? Did you just say because we're regulars there that if you were thinking of having a vasectomy, you would talk to them about it? No, more like if it was on my screen, I'd be comfortable enough to go,

this is why it's on my screen. I thought you meant go down there. How about you? I'm thinking about doing it. I mean, enough to justify. Now that you've pointed that out, I may have skipped a step in my explanation. Yes, thank you.

Where are we up to with the people downstairs? I wouldn't say vasectomy chat. I'd say. I'd borrow a tampon. Really? Don't you reckon that if I went down there and I was like, oh, my God, this is so fucking random, but do you guys have tampons? You'd feel comfortable with them now?

Do you think they'll be fine? Yeah, because we're pretty tight now. Yeah. I feel like getting to know partners' names. So when it's how's your weekend, how's Carl, you know, that kind of vibe. Even just to say that. That's quite nice. How's Carl doing?

You should just go down there and be like, how's Carl going and see if anyone responds. Thank you for asking about my budgie. Thanks for asking about my accountant's assistant. But he's well and he sends his best regards He's going well, yeah, just caught up with him So now the issue is that they think Schmeich is a bit of a pest And I've walked in and gone

Schmeich, my boy, welcome to my hood And they've gone, oh, this is Ryan's mate And then he's like, sit down, fucking have a look at this I've got to explain something to you And then he's showing me on the computer And then of course, he's just like So all the wait have a look at this. I've got to explain something to you. And then he's showing me on the computer. And then, of course, he's just like, so all the waitresses, like the waitress is going back and going,

I think that guy's looking at fucking good pics on the computer. Of course she did. And then they're looking at him going, do we tell the manager? Do we kick him out? Do we ask him to pull up? Like they're going through, because when I walked in, I'm like, what's fucking happening? Yeah, because it's like a family place. And I don't think Schmeichel realised that the commotion was happening

and the waitresses were chatting because when I sat down, he's like, let me explain myself. I feel like an idiot. So then he's showing me. But what it looks like is I'm a guy looking at dicks in a cafe. Oh, Ryan's here. You want to check out these dicks as well? Do you want to see it too?

And then he's running me through it. And he's obviously turned his laptop so more people have seen it. And then I'm sitting there going, yeah, yep, good idea. It does look big, doesn't it? Oh, that'd hurt. Yeah, that's good. Real good. Things you can say getting a vasectomy and also getting rayed for the first time.

Yowza! Is there much blood afterwards? Oh, the hole's quite small. Oh, the hole's quite small. Yeah, I got this done in the back of a van. I think I've seen those videos. Are you okay, man? So it's fair to say next time Schmite comes to visit,

I won't go, go have a coffee downstairs, I'll come get you when we're ready. We might meet at his place of business. Yeah, never fucking inviting him to our nice places again. Yeah. But shout out to the staff at Jethro's. Yeah. Love you, coffee.

Have you got a tampon spare? Hi, it's Charisma from Perth WA and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. You're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Kel Coates. Love to see that. Thanks, Kel. Clara Gears. Sonia Sikora.

Britt Balkford. Deandra Lewis. Oh, Deandra, love that. Beautiful. Emily Jackson. Emily Jackson. We did a video for her the other day. Bethany, probably.

Bethany Heideman, Nick Nijam, Martin Haringa, Beck and Rachel. Speaking of videos, we are getting through them. We send probably 200 or 300 a week. Yep. And we're getting through. So if you don't have yours yet, it's coming. We promise. It's on the way.

So is Christmas, mate. Yeah, so is Christmas. Yeah, it's coming. So am I. I'll tell you what I haven't seen yet, which I'm thankful for. It's about this time of year that those memes start coming out like, oh, it's only 12 Fridays till Christmas. Oh, yeah.

And every year people are like, what? Already? I'm like, it comes around every year, guys. The memes come around every year. Why are you surprised? And then the memes start around now as well about like, time to defrost Mariah Carey. Oh, who's the guy?

She's actually a person every year, every day. Michael Bublé. Michael Bublé is coming out of his cave. Poor Michael Bublé. He also has great songs that aren't just Christmas based. Yeah. And he seems like a really nice guy. Doesn't he?

Yeah. I'll tell you what he doesn't have. James Corden energy. Oh, he's fucking gone through the ring, all right. Did you see? So obviously there was all that garb about him getting fucking banned from that restaurant. Apparently, I saw this on TMZ, he called the restaurant

and apologised profusely. And the restaurant owner was like, ha-ha, all good, he called the restaurant and apologised profusely. And the restaurant owner was like, ha-ha, all good. Yep, the ban's lifted. Oh, I'd love to come on your show. What the fuck? What's going on there? So I think it was all a fucking publicity stunt. Nah.

It must. I reckon the restaurant guy is trying to squeeze his 15 minutes. Yeah. But I also hate when people. But he already had. Like, it's viral news. I will tell you what I don't like When it's like he's apologised profusely

And it's like Yeah because you got caught And it got found out Why weren't you apologising at the time? Or just not doing it Or not being an arsehole in the first place I've heard that of James Corden though That he's a bit of a

Well there's Carla Conti Well it's one of those like The What do you When the river dam breaks And then the floodgates open. Oh, the river dam.

That's cowboy town. That's cowboy town. That when someone goes, oh, he's not a nice guy, then there's a lot of these stories about like apparently he's sitting, have you heard about on the plane? On the plane. So he's flying from like New York to London or whatever, right? And he's sitting next to this woman with a baby

and the baby's screaming its head off. And everyone's going. That's what babies do. Yeah. And everyone's going, fuck, James Corden's going to flip a lid because he's known as like. A bit of a hothead. Yeah.

And people were like, we were pleasantly surprised that he just like put his noise cancelling headphones in and just like it is what it is and just goes on the trip. Imagine people making a comment about being pleasantly surprised that you weren't an arsehole. I know. How embarrassing. And then they land at the destination.

The kid was crazy the whole time and he was just like arms folded, like trying to sleep through it or whatever. Yeah. Gets through the flight. Good on him. They arrive at the destination. The mother has to get like the stroller and the bag with the change thing and whatever.

And, you know, it sort of falls down and hits him and he's just like, you know, like that would actually annoy you if someone dropped their shit on you. And he's like, oh. But she's struggling. She's got the kid. She's got the bag. Oh, sorry.

Do you need a hand? Like that would be your knee jerk reaction. And then the lady says to James Corden, can you hold your kid for a second while I get the stuff down? It was his wife. That was his child. And he puts his noise cancelling headphones in. You are honestly joking me.

From London to New York and just puts his noise cancelling and goes, oh. Who are we to? That's what I'm reading. That's what I'm reading. I'm actually speechless. Yeah. That is fucked.

Oh, I was going to say a story about how he put his jacket on the floor and someone was like, do you want us to check that? He was like, just take, someone will take care of it. Be like, threw his jacket on the floor, but that story's way better. He's like, someone will take care of it. Be like, threw his jacket on the floor, but that's way better. How do we get banging on about James Corden? Defrosting Michael Bublé.

Defrosting Mariah. Oh, the Bublé's a nice guy and not an arsehole. Oh, yeah. Bublé's helping with the kids. Well, yeah. Because you know that Michael Bublé's, like, son or daughter got cancer. Oh, really? And so he, and I think they're well now. Oh, correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm pretty sure they're well now. But he, like, stopped making music and stopped performing and stuff because he was like, oh, I need to be at home with my family. What a nice guy. Yeah. I mean, he's Canadian, so they're all nice. Yeah, and also, like, I'm guessing he doesn't need to work. Well, yeah.

Like, he's done. I mean, he's making billions of dollars every Christmas. That's what I mean. What a legend. Yeah. Anyway. What a nice guy. So this week, after Tony forced me to watch a musical last week,

I decided to go. I did like your evil laugh in the description of the. Well, some people accused my description of being written by AI because the grammar was not excellent. That is such a fucking offensive thing to say. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I thought it was written by AI.

The category was not because you don't like movies over 80 minutes traditionally. No, I don't. I thought it was written by AI. The category was not, because you don't like movies over 80 minutes traditionally. No, I don't. I thought two hours. Movies over three hours were your choices. And this really stressed me out. Because not only do I not like really long movies, but I also have to watch the whole fucking thing to write a rap about it. Yeah, wow.

So I can't even just sit there and half watch. I kind of have to like zone in. So there has been some accusations in the group that I didn't watch all of Hairspray last week. Yep. Because you didn't. I was there, but I'd zoned out. Because then when I told you the plot of the film on the podcast,

it was news to me. You were like, that sounds good. What movie is that? I'd love to watch it. And I said, apparently the one you watched last night. I did. Like I said, apparently the one you watched last night. I did. Like I said, I sat through it.

I was on the couch, but I think I got on my phone and busy and just wasn't hooked. God, you're just such a busy guy. So I want to call out some aggression that's happening in the Patreon group because we don't, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. Yep. Marley Ferguson. Is this your friend Marley that you went to school with or whatever? No, that's Marley Greenway. Okay, sorry.

Yep. Tony only needs to watch the same amount as Ryan spent watching Hairspray. Enjoy the first 15 minutes of The Wolf of Wall Street, says Marley. Oh, I really like that, actually. Hate speech. I could have done with that last night. It was fucking midnight and I was watching this fucking movie. Wolf of Wall Street won, by the way.

That's hate speech, Marley. Not impressed. Caress at Hollingsworth. After listening to the episode where Ryan definitely did not really watch all of Hairspray, I truly hope Tony enjoys a lovely three-hour nap during this week's movie. That's racist. Wow. I really like that people are coming into bat for me.

Do you like racists? Because last week I hated that you didn't have to watch the whole thing, That's racist. Wow. I really like that people are coming into bat for me. Do you like racists? Because last week I hated that you didn't have to watch the whole thing, which you fucking obviously didn't. Because you get away with it because you don't have to do anything. Like I have to write the rap. And once when I made, you know, I did a rap and you were like, that was pretty vague. You fucking hung me out to dry because I talked about the fucking movie poster.

That doesn't sound like me. Get the tape. Anne Rianne. Anne Rianne Parr says, if Tony half-arses watching this as payback against Ryan, I wouldn't be mad. That's homophobic. I really like that lots of people have said this, but isn't it funny that that is not my knee-jerk reaction? I just work hard. You know, it doesn't matter to me.

I bring my best A game every day. Do you? Yep. Okay. And I always try my best. Yep. So just because you're not, you know, really playing ball, Ryan, I still just wake up every day, day put my bra on do my best

first of all if you're implying that you're always wearing a bra that's a goddamn lie second of all maybe this is why I am just the vice captain of the ship yeah are you happy with that are Are you happy living below the line? Is that a charity? Below the what line? Poverty line. Maybe this is why your job title on LinkedIn is muscles because you do carry this show and you do carry the watching of the movies. Should I be happy with that, do you think?

Are you expecting more? Well, should I expect more? No one else expects more. No, they don't. They actually expect less from you. Yeah, they're like, meet him lower down rather than expecting him to come. And I like that, actually. Marley, Caressa, Ariane, fine.

Okay. I'll meet you in the middle, dog. Well, I did watch the whole movie. Did you? Yes, I did. Did you actually like it? Yeah, I've in the middle, dog. Well, I did watch the whole movie. Did you? Yes, I did. Did you actually like it? Yeah, I've seen it before actually. In my defence, it is one of the long movies that I have seen.

Do you feel like? Do you? Sorry, we just had to briefly pause there because. Don't. Because as we were just talking about how you don't do your best work, you have one job and it's turning on the cameras and your camera just went flat because it wasn't fucking plugged in. Is that not the most Ryan thing you've ever heard?

Carry on. I have more than one job. I'm just explaining. I have two. One, turn up. My camera and yours. Your camera. So I just explaining. I have two. One, turn up. Two, turn camera on. My camera and yours. Your camera.

So I just wanted to explain that break. Pause. The battery went down on my camera, but we are back. It is plugged in and there will be no other technical issues this week. That's a big call, mate. Do you have TikToks pop up that are just like movie scenes? Yes, all the time. I feel like I've rewatched all of Suits just from TikTok.

You've said that before. Yeah. It's a bit like Grey's Anatomy as well, like is another popular one, and House. So I think with The Wolf of Wall Street, and this is like actually a credit to the movie because there's so many iconic scenes. A hundred percent.

I haven't sat down and watched the whole thing for ages, but I feel like I've seen the particular scenes time and time again. Yeah. And how many movies have ten memorable scenes? Usually it's like, you know, the one at the end and something else, but just every five minutes you're like, oh, fuck, this is nuts. It's like every section of the movie is like you're never watching it and you're like, oh, this bit's a bit dull.

Like there's just like always something fucking happening. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's not one of the most iconic moments that I forgot about a certain part. But when Jonah Hill was explaining to Leonardo DiCaprio about how he's married to his cousin. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Torbs and I were losing it. It was so funny. Is it a comedy? I guess it's like a comedy drama. A dark twist on a historic tale, like a dark comedic twist. Some of it is hilarious. My other favourite part is when Margot Robbie's character is like throwing the water on him and stuff and he's like,

and she's like, whose fucking name were you saying? You're saying Venice. You're saying Venice. And he's like, who? Who? And she's like, what are you, a fucking owl? He fucking says me every time. Oh, my God.

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. I have seen it before. It is a really good movie. I got one random question. Yeah, a question. And this is on behalf of my mate Phil because nothing fucks off my mate Phil more than this one thing. Oh.

When the original person turns up in the movie. Yeah. How he's the one introducing Leonardo DiCaprio at the end. Yeah. So in Erin Brockovich, the Erin Brockovich is like the waitress or whatever. And sometimes like after the credits, they'll like, if it's like a biopic, they'll show you like a photo of like the original guy. And my mate feels like I've spent two hours believing,

and I know it's a movie and he's an actor, but I've spent two hours believing that this person is that person. Yep. And now you've just shattered that for me. It also just kind of like breaks the fourth wall in a weird way. I'm like, oh, you've taken me out of the world you created. That's the one. Yeah.

Because then I saw the Jordan Belfort in the last scene and I was like, oh, what's he doing? I'm fucking doing this. He just, I fucking, what a flog. Yeah. Don't you reckon he's just like the fucking epitome of like, yuck car salesman? Yeah.

And I know that's his whole thing but it actually like sickens me that he did like all this stuff right like as if this is a true story but he did all that fucked shit and now he's like still like famous and like doing shit yeah and i know that he's like a you know teaching people how to be better at selling be more confident and it's like motivational speaking shit but like that kind of like makes me feel really yuck. That you can kind of get out of jail and kind of just keep doing it? Just like move on. Yeah.

And because in Australia you can't like proceeds of crime is illegal. Like so you can't make money off a crime. So like Chappelle Corby is a fantastic example. She's an Australian person who got arrested in Bali for alleged drug trafficking. Well, she was convicted and did her time. Do we still have to say alleged? I don't know.

She still claims she didn't do it. She still claims she didn't do it. So allegedly this is what happened, whatever. And she like, if she like writes a book or does a TV show or whatever, she like can't make any money off that. But in America, that's not a thing, I don't think. So you can make like like so he made a million dollars selling the rights to his book to to the film yeah right a million fucking dollars

yeah for like doing that really fucked shit yep so and like hurting all those people like taking that money and like hurting his wives and Hurting his wives, plural, is the fucking... Fucked, isn't it? So when you write your scandalous tell-all, will you have to leave out the dodgy parts? I'll have to leave out all the things that I made money from crime on, yeah. Unfortunately. There's so much I could be empty.

In Tony's memoir, there will be no stock tips. No. There will be no references to her Ponzi scheme. No, there won't be, unfortunately. Or actually called it Ponzi scheme. That's very funny. That's hilarious. But if you have a problem, you can lodge a complaint.

But, like, don't you know what I mean? Like, he's just really yuck, and so I'm like, I care about Leonardo DiCaprio, but I don't care about Jordan Belfort. It's fascinating that, yeah, you kind of like, I liked Leo strangely. Yeah. And then I saw him, I'm like, what an asshole. You're kind of like rooting for Leo.

And then like when he writes the note being like, don't incriminate yourself, I'm wearing a wire. You're like, you're a good guy. But then as soon as Jordan comes out and he's like in character or whatever, but as soon as he comes out, I'm like, nah, fuck you. Yeah. You're a Carla Conti. Yeah.

I don't know. I really like the movie because it's fantastic. But, yeah, I agree. That really takes you out of it. All right. Are we ready to wrap? Yeah, we are. T-Lodge.

T-Lodge. Wolf of Wall Street. 2022. Leo. Spent three hours watching this movie. How long? Count those hours, bitch. One, two, three.

It's a fucking long one. You know, it's not bad, though. Got to stare at Leo. The FBI thinks he's worse than a mobster. He then throws them a lobster. Can't believe the whole story's true. Way more money than me or you. Yeah.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Ow, ow, ow. Ow, woo. Wolfie, Wolfie. Mum, mum, mum. No. Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Oh. I tell you what was a surprise, apart from that, a surprise of the rap. The Lobster. The Lobster was one of the great rhymes in rap history. Thank you so much. I was like, how can I put this in there? Lobster and Lobster.

That is so good. Thank you so much. But what my favourite part was, and this is maybe a new genre of rap and a new direction of editorial guidelines, is bragging that you have so much less money than someone else. Yeah. Because you know how rap's like, yeah, get those clams, son. Yeah. So instead of T money, I could be like T no money,

which is more relatable and more accurate. T debt. T debt. And more accurate. Tea debt. Tea debt. Tea after pay. Tea can't buy a house. Tea buy now, pay later, y'all. I was really proud of that rap. No, that's good.

It was one of my better ones, I think. That was good. And I appreciate you watching the whole movie. Thank you. And setting your life apart. I appreciate you watching the whole movie. It was an honour setting your life apart. I appreciate you watching the whole movie. It was an honour. It was an honour.

Did you actually watch the whole movie? Yeah, yeah, I did this morning. It was great. It's a good movie. It's long, but it's an easy movie to watch. Yeah, I think it's because of the saying, just like each scene's so good. And I always forget that Matt McConaughey's in it

and he's a fucking psychopath. And how funny is it that he's literally in it for like one scene pretty much? Yeah, I would knock that over in a day. But it's like one of the like, again, another iconic scene. And this is one of those facts that everybody knows, but like, you know how he beats his chest? Yeah.

That was like improvised. Really? Oh, did you actually not know this or are you being a dick? No, I'm not being a dick. I assume like it might have been just like, you know, insert be a weirdo. So they were like sitting there doing the lunch scene, and there's obviously all the extras in the background, and they're sitting there and Leo's eating his thing,

and then all of a sudden Matthew McConaughey starts beating his chest, and Leo looking around like this is legit. Like him looking around being like, what the fuck's going on? And him like, come on, join in, and he's like, and then he starts going like, ah! I'll tell you what's crazy and thinking about that scene. Tell me. Is that like he doesn't, he's not like brought up as a cockhead.

Like he starts quite shy and humble. Well, that's what the FBI guy says. He's like, you know, most of these people doing the shit that you're doing, like daddy gave them the thing and whatever. Yeah, they saw their uncle do it. You did this all by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, but you want him do it. You did this all by yourself. Yeah.

Yeah, but you want him to win when he's Leo. But as soon as you see the actual guy, you're like, nah. Fuck that guy. I've got something you love to say. Yeah. Is oils like a personality now? Yes. Like essential oils or doTERRA or whatever. Yes.

Why is that? People just go, oh, this is who I am now. Because you don't just get oil. You become oil. That's beautiful. Thank you. Put that on a T-shirt. Thank you very much.

So I see this meme and it says, yeah, I'm into essential oils now. And then it's a photo of fries being dumped into the deep fryer. And then I'm like, hey, yeah, maybe I'm into oils as well. Maybe that is my personality. It's definitely my body type. But, hey, shout out to everyone dabbling in oils this weekend. Yeah. I also have a meme.

It's a tweet from Maladroith. And it says, in 20 years, we're absolutely going to have HGTV shows called, like, Flip a Fixer, where actual contractors go in and fix all the lazy, sloppy, and dangerous renovations people made with flipping late 1970s ranch style homes. It's so true. So one of the shows I watch on Free to Wear is The Block. Yeah. And this year the houses are going to go for like $4 or $5 million.

Which is just insane. Well, what's more insane is that people are going to buy houses for $4 or $5 million. And I remember in week six that one of the contestants got a low mark because they just like didn't paint that week. Oh, we didn't have time to paint. So it's just the undercoat. Oh, we will dock you a few points.

Oh, shit, it's a competition. Yeah, but someone's going to buy that. And they're going to buy it. And that's going to be their life savings. And then some. They're going to have a mortgage for 30 years. Paying $4 or $5 million for a fucking house. And then what do you have to do?

Oh, do you mind painting it? What the fuck am I paying for? That's such a good point. An unfinished house? Yeah. Get your show. It's called, yeah, what is it? Flip a Fixer.

Flip a Fixer. Flipper Fixer. So you're flipping something that's previously been fixed. No, so you're Flipper Fixer. So all of the flips, you're fixing them. Great. Great. The exact opposite of what I thought. Perfect.

Makes more sense when you say it. I do love to say that. And I'll be a part of that show. Yeah. And I just, when you watch those, like the block and stuff, do you know what else really freaks me out about that? Like everyone knows where you live. Like everyone knows your address.

Do they? Because if you go, I bought a fucking block house. Yeah. Oh, you're 16 Ormond Road. Cool. Yeah. I never thought about that. That's so fucking creepy.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm inviting the whole podcast to my housewarming. Yeah, dips and dips. Yeah, dips and dips. I'm busy that day, unfortunately. Yeah, I was busy that day. I was supposed to give you the invitation. Mate, you wish.

Thanks for joining us today. Tomorrow, things you can say at the vet. And also in the bedroom. The bedroom. Sorry. How did you go with these, by the way? I had fun and I have a prop. Wow.

Yep. That's my love to see it already. Yep. You know I love a prop game. You love a comedic prop. I had to stop doing props when I accidentally brought a sickle instead of a hoe. Yeah. Oh, my.

I actually totally forgot about that. I told a hoe joke while holding a sickle. A sickle. And I said, I'm pretty sure that's a sickle. Okay, anyway. That's tomorrow on the show. Meow, bye. Love you, bye.

Sorry, I still sound a little bit sickle. Hey, come over here, babe. Suck on my dickle. Is that not? Okay, see you tomorrow. Bye. Oh.