Toni and Ryan - Purple Headed Womb Ferret 🍆

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Empowering each other and our TARPers talking about our weird body quirks, and talking about Zombieland. Love ya!!! T x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are we calling Adele? No, better than Adele. Hello? Hello. It's Tony and Ryan here, but Tony doesn't know who we're calling, so could you please introduce yourself? It's Rhys Whitten. The big one!

The big one is in the building! Hi, the big one! Oh, my God! How are you? I'm good. How is you two. How are you? I'm good. How is you two? I'm sorry, I've been hearing you got over your COVID. Oh, thank you, The Big Woot.

It's weird to talk to The Big Woot and have to call him The Big Woot every time. Yeah, well, The Big Woot, Tony saw that we were calling the UK and she goes, is it Adele? And I was like, better. It's better than Adele. You'd never cancel shows, would you, The Big Woot? Never. Never. Never.

I knew that. Would never be on the stage in the first place, like. I mean, yeah, T's and C's, you know, don't worry about that. Quite the opposite. Would you approve our show? A hundred percent, I would. Yes! Oh, The Big Woot has said a big yay.

Sorry. I'm so excited. I'm starstruck. Hi, it's The Big Woot has said a big yay. Sorry. I'm so excited. I'm starstruck. Hi, it's the Big Woot from Belfast, and I approve this podcast. Strap yourselves in. Fucking strap it on, strap it in and fuck me up. Sorry. We've had a bit of a pep up.

We've had a pep talk and we've gone, hey, let's get in there hot today. Because Thursdays, we always fuck Thursdays. Because we're tired at the end of the week. And so we're like, let's fire up. And you have understood the assignment too well. I understood the assignment. You know that TikTok song? That's why I am.

Sorry. Yep. So the Tarpers have chosen Zombieland, which we will get to shortly. But strap yourselves in for this. I feel like when something is strange about our own bodies, we get self-conscious. But when we hear about other people's bodies, it's the greatest thing of all time.

So we're talking about weird body quirks, but like you've just said, we want this to liberate you. Share your fucking weird shit about your body because this is so funny, right? Rachel Scott posted in our Facebook group, does anyone else have a really specific weird body quirk? Like mine is when I clean my ears with a cotton bud. Brackets don't at me. I've done it my whole life and I'm always careful because you know like you're not supposed to clean out your. No. Oh cancel culture these days. You

can't even clean your own ears. Well you're not supposed to put anything in your ears that is smaller than your elbow. Like you're not supposed to put anything. That's ridiculous. Yeah because your elbow doesn't fit. You're not supposed to put anything in your ears. It's a very delicate ecosystem in there. Okay. Only when I do my left ear, it makes me cough. My right ear, absolutely fine, goes straight in, all good. But as soon as I even touch the left ear with the cotton bud, I start coughing.

This is every single time without fail. That makes no sense at all. It's fucking weird, right? That's fucking weird. So I saw that and it was sitting in the waiting to be approved posts. Yes. I read it, approved it straight away and said, top comment, Tony Lodge. Oh, my God, Rachel, I'm not even fucking kidding.

I'm exactly the same. Really? Cotton bud every single day. I'm careful too, lol. Right ear, no problem. Left, cough so hard I shit. First of all, put a tarpaulin down. Yep.

Second of all, did you bring an earbud? Oh, my God, I should have. That would have been such a good idea. I didn't even think about that. No, I didn't. Oh, did you see? Cough on command. Okay, I know what we will do.

Can you use... Or a bobby pin? That's pretty brave, isn't it? What about the end of your glasses? No, that won't fit all the way in. Okay, bobby pin. That's pretty brave, isn't it? What about the end of your glasses? No, that won't fit all the way in. Okay, bobby pin it is. I don't know if I've got one. Let me see.

Guys, we're about to hear a Tony Lodge cough on command from inserting a bobby pin into her ear. This is science. Call Dr Nye. Who's Dr Nye? Call Dr Carl. Oh, hang on. I've got a pen here.

That'll work, won't it? Yeah. Okay. What about the end of a headphone jack? No, I've got this. All right. I'm taking my headphones out. So just to repeat, which is your non-coughing ear?

Okay, so the right can go straight in, no problem. Pop it in just to... All good? All good. This is the left. I can't believe that worked. Every time. Pass it here.

Maybe it's the same for everyone. Okay. New pen that we're putting in the ear. Is that COVID safe? COVID. Okay, here's the right ear. All good. Be careful with it.

It's quite sharp. I know. It's quite unpleasant. Yeah, it's not very good. It's like a cotton bud with no careful with it. It's quite sharp. I know. It's quite unpleasant. Yeah, it's not very good. It's like a cotton bud with no cotton on it. It's just a stick in it. No, I'm good either way. No coughing.

No coughing. So that's fine. Oh, can I have that back? It's actually my pen. Do you want it back? Yep, because the part that went in our ears is going to go inside the pen, so it's fine. This is actually not my pen.

This is Lauren Phillips' pen. Sorry, Lauren. Sorry, Lauren. We won't tell her about that. So I thought that is so oddly specific and so funny, but there were a lot of people that said, oh, weird things happen to me as well. Oh, please, let me have it.

Okay, so Tamara Bull said strong mint flavour, like chewies and stuff, always makes her sneeze. So like tickles and. I'm the same. Really? I sneeze with mint. Yeah, so. So like tickles and. I'm the same. Really? I sneeze with mint. Yeah. It gets me all hot.

Because it like is fresh in your mouth and it tingles your nose. Is there a scientific reason why it makes you. I don't know. Because this happens to me all the time. And I keep thinking like, am I allergic? Is that even a thing you can be allergic to? But it must be a specific little. Something that just like skinkles in your nose and it just.

It might not even be mint as in the, what do you call it, the leaf, just like the mint flavouring might have something about it. Yeah, because it's like the menthol-y part of it is like the spicy in your nose bit. Who was that? That was Tamara Bull. Tamara Bull. I'm with you, mate.

That happens to me too. Yeah. Alison Tisdall said, hitting a certain spot on the roof of my mouth, usually while undertaking a specific act, makes me sneeze. So there's a certain part. Imagine that. So you're in the moment with a little willy in the mouth. Oh, that one.

Is what I'm thinking, yeah. What did she say? Say exactly her words. She said, hitting a certain spot on the roof of my mouth, usually while undertaking a specific act, makes me sneeze. So while she's gobbing a dude. She's sneezing on his dick. She's gobbing someone and just, like, sneezing.

And you don't want to sneeze out of nowhere when you're doing that, do you? But if you sneezed with it still in your mouth, would that be dangerous to the dude? Yeah, because I think you might chomp down. Yeah, and also she could. Have fucking hot dogs for dinner. Sorry, that was a weird thing to say. That was a very graphic thing.

Sorry. Do you have any weird body quirks? Do you know about my finger? No, I felt them. Sorry. Not that part. Do you know about this finger? No.

What is it? Oh, it looks a bit weird now that you're showing it to me. It's wider at the bottom. You're not going to believe me when I tell you this, but it's 100% true. What? This finger doesn't have a bone in it. The bone in it is made up of coral and a part of my wrist.

See that scar there? Yeah. So this is a fake finger. Really? And if I show you. So you can use it and it's all good? See that? Is that as far down as you can go?

Yeah. Or Bridget. Sorry. Sorry. If I push it, it'll go, but it doesn't like on it. Yeah. Far out. So apparently.

God, save the coral reef. Am I right? I broke that finger eight, nine times. How? Volleyball. Oh, when you were an athlete. When I was an athlete. Because I'm not that tall.

Most like the, when you're blocking, you're supposed to block with your arms. Can I just say, though, you are very tall, and so when you always say, I'm not that tall, but then you showed me some of the guys you used to play volleyball with. They're like the fucking Eiffel Tower. The second smallest guy in one of my teams in the starting six was 6'6", was the second smallest, and Tom was 7'1".

I would just like to point out that you are not a short guy. No, but like to give context, you are not a short person yet. So I broke that finger eight or nine times like blocking, like over a few years or whatever. And then the doctor said there's actually, because you've broken it so many times, there's actually more callus and cyst than actual bone left in there. Was it really sore before you

well one final time i really did it good and i went into the doctor i was like what are we going to do and he kind of had a look and he's like there's actually not much real bone left so i was like well what are you doing he goes we're actually going to take it out and start again and so we get a little bit of your wrist yeah and then get coral because the coral like calcifies yeah because they're like if we put a metal pin in, if it has to break, it has to break. Yeah. And if a metal pin, you'll just like the meat will flop off

and the pin will stay there. Oh, and imagine going through the airport. My shoulder beeps. That's my next story. Oh. So with the, they're like we'll just start again. So the coral and part of my wrist is like calcified into a new bone. Wow.

And so the muscles like that are wrapped around it, obviously. That's what means you can move it. But, yeah, how long did it take to get used to using it? Or was it just like your brain just used it the same way? Yeah, it's kind of you don't really know. Isn't that incredible that they can do that? And then I've also got a... Was that expensive?

Oh, no. Like I know that in Australia we have like an incredible healthcare system but like- Yeah, I didn't even tell you. I can't even imagine how much that would have cost. Well, my left shoulder was paid for by the University of Lindenwood on the promise I would go back and play volleyball for them when it was fixed.

Never been back. Oh, yeah, change your name after that. Thanks for covering the tag there. Yeah, thanks, Lindenwood. Three reconstructions on the left shoulder. But I've also got a fake hip. You knew about the hip, didn't you? I did know about your hip, yes.

So when I went to get my hip fixed, because, you know, the surgeon does six in a day or whatever, and it was like, Gregory, 74 years old, yeah, here I am. Larry, here I am. 85. Yeah. There was 75, 85, 91, 62. Here I am. Larry? Here I am. 85? Yeah. There was 75, 85, 91, 62.

I was 21. Wow. And that was just from playing sport or? Yeah, volleyball again. Wow. And so they said, everyone, usually the surgery's in the morning. The following afternoon, you'll do an assessment and probably leave the day after that. I left two hours after the surgery because a 21-year-old body just goes,

yep, cool. Done. I had crutches to get to the car, but I literally woke up and was like, thanks, guys. See you later, Arthur. Yeah. See you, Larry. Have a good time.

Wow. Yeah, and I just remember and all the nurses were like, oh, there's a young one. Have you seen the photo of me when I've just come out of surgery with this big arrow on my leg? You were very... Built a bit differently then, weren't you? Excuse me?

It was fucking in the midst of your sporting career. How do I look now compared to then? Still good. Just different good. How would you describe the difference? Older. Better hair. Better facial hair as well because you don't have a beard then. What would you say is different about the difference? Older. Better hair, better facial hair as well because you don't have a beard then.

What would you say is different about like the body? If you were to describe the shape of me now? Your body now lived in. Who? Me. Sorry. No, no, no, I have seen that photo. You just look so...

When you talk about you playing volleyball and stuff, it is like a different fucking life. It is a different life. And I'm not, like, setting you up to say shit you don't want to say, but I don't look like a professional athlete at the moment, do I? But you're still hot as fuck. I know, you tell me that every day when you put your finger on my butt. Yeah, my non-coral finger. Oh, it must be nice.

Human finger. Human digits in the butt. Really nice touch. Really nice. I've got one more comment from, and I fuck it, I'm not even kidding. Gwynifer Jennifer Caval... Gwynifer... Try to get there, mate.

Gwynifer Jennifer Cassive Lainess. So, Gwynifer Massive Anus. When I pluck my eyebrows, I want to pee at each hair. So she picks one out, plucks one out, and she needs to pee straight away. It's completely horrible and I almost never do it because of that. Imagine standing there because, you know, plucking your eyebrow hairs, you've got to pluck at least, what, 20 out at a time. Torture.

When Bridget rips the grey hairs out of my eyebrow, have you seen that happen? Have you tried to do that yourself? I've done that to you. Do you remember that day we were in the car and your eyebrow was like a fucking fishing rod coming out of your face? But when that happens, my whole face gets itchy, my whole face. Like when one little eyebrow, I want to scratch all over my face.

I do it to Torbs as well because he gets a couple of greys in his eyebrows and he gets itchy as well. Must be a real thing. Me and Torbs will discuss it next Friday night when we're hanging out together. Okay, you're not going to hang out. And it's tomorrow night, by the way. I'll be ready next week. No, it's tomorrow night. Yeah, you're next week. I'm free. He made a booking. He said that you were keen.

Okay. I'll be there. I'll be there. Tell him I'll be there. Tell him I'll be there I'll be there Tell them I'll be there Good It's the Big Weird from Belfast And you're listening to Tootie and Ran Shout out to our champion tapas Brittany Chestnut Ow! Shout-out to our champion tapas.

Brittany Chestnut, Stephanie Stefaniak, Julia and Danielle Steele. Thank you so, so much for being part of our Patreon. If you're interested in voting on movies that we watch and checking out some of our exclusive content that we make only for our Patreons, you can check that out at patreon.com.au. I need to make an apology. Please. content that we make only for our Patreons. You can check that out at patreon.com slash tonyandryan. I need to make an apology. Please.

Last week I made an accusation that Netflix created a segment of movies called 90-Minute Movies purely for Tony Lodge because you have such a short attention span. Heaven forbid you get through a two-hour movie. So they're like, clearly the algorithm suggests she doesn't like the long ones. Let's create a category called 90-minute movies. And big shout out to my friends at Netflix. Really appreciate it. It's the only category I watch.

It turns out that a lot of other people had this same category. Now, as someone who can, in fact, concentrate, I've never seen this category pop up. And what I was loving is that some people were only just realising that they get it but not everyone does. Yep, not everyone gets it. So people were like, oh, it's just normal for us. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's normal for you.

Elite people don't get this category. It's really heartbreaking. I can't believe that not everyone gets it. I mean, but I'm glad that there are other people because for a little while I thought it was just me. So this week's movies were 90-minute movies on Netflix. I had to, like, search for the playlist. Okay, mate, we get it.

And it actually popped up and was like, are you sure, Ryan? You're normally pretty good at watching these. Oh, yeah. Are you sure that you don't want to watch The Gentleman, The Irish Gentleman or whatever, that movie that goes for four hours? That goes for ten years. So The Tarpers, it basically came down to sausage movie or sausage party.

Oh, my God, that Seth Rogen movie, yep. And Zombieland, and the winner was Zombieland. So had you seen Zombieland before? No. Me either. I was intrigued, though, because I like Woody Harrelson. I mean, who doesn't love Woody Harrelson? Pretty easygoing, yeah.

And then in the photo on Netflix, it's like him in a very gay cowboy outfit. The Netflix goes, oh, if we want Ryan to watch this movie, let's put a man in a leather vest. Well, I mean, you literally just said, who doesn't love Woody Harrelson? So maybe they're listening now. They went back in time. We'll put Woody Harrelson in a sexy leather vest and Ryan will click. And what happened?

And you did. Here we are. Now we're watching it. You're like, oh, the tarp has voted for it. I'm like, was it just you? You voted for it? I'd never seen it and I actually didn't know that because it's one of those movies I feel like everyone's heard of.

Yeah. And I'd never seen it. And I know that the movie is called Zombieland. I didn't know it was actually like a zombie zombie movie. I mean, I know what you just said, but did the name not? No. So I thought that maybe it was like a modern take on like phone usage or fucking some shit, you know?

So there's another movie with Jesse Eisenberg. Social Network. Where he works at a theme park. It might be called Wonderland or Foreverland or something. And I just thought that was the same movie. Right. Like it was a ride called Zombieland and they all worked at a theme park or something.

So like I wasn't actually expecting a zombie movie and I'm not really a big zombie movie fan. Yeah. Because it's just not for me. Now, is it because it's too far-fetched? I just feel. Zombies are scary. It's gruesome.

No, it's not about it being scary or gruesome. I just feel like there's a particular brand of people that like a zombie movie. How would you describe that brand of person? The same person that has like a zombie plan. You know how 10 years ago, so this movie came out in what, 2006 or 2007 or something? 2009 maybe?

Yeah, yeah. And around then it was like people were like, oh, posting on their Facebook status. The world's going to end in 2012. Yeah. Millennium bug. Remember that? No, I don't.

I was seven. You don't have memories from the age of seven? No, not about Y2K. Anyway, but they're the kind of people that would post on their MySpace or their Facebook like, oh, who are you bringing with you to a zombie attack fucking war or whatever. I just feel like you're a specific brand of person

that likes The Walking Dead and likes shit like that. It's just not for me. I just think like you're a specific brand of person that, you know, likes The Walking Dead and likes shit like that. It's just not for me. I just think it's so dumb. If I had to choose one person in my life that had a zombie. Don't you fucking dare. That had a zombie plan. Don't you fucking dare. Because you're going to say Torbs.

It's going to be Torbs. Fuck off. No, he's not a zombie guy. No, but he would have a zombie plan. No, he does not have a zombie plan. No, he does not have a zombie plan. Why did you... The fact that you knew I was gonna... I just fucking knew that that's what you were gonna say. The fact you knew I was gonna say that proves

that he is that guy, because he gives off zombie plan vibes. No, just because he's nerdy doesn't mean that he has a zombie plan. So if a zombie came, would he protect you? Absolutely. Because he's got a fucking plan. But not because there's a plan absolutely you're fucking ruining torbs's stock at the moment people are gonna think he's not cool no he is i mean

he's lots of thing and what does that mean one of them what does that fucking mean we all know what the fuck does that mean that torbs is a sweetheart and you're both lucky to have each other what the fuck does that mean? That Torbs is a sweetheart and you're both lucky to have each other. What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? That he's nice to you. Last week you were fucking getting off at our first kiss and now you're bloody saying that we're a really good couple for each other. What does that mean?

Fucking spit it out. This is a compliment. You fucking spiced me right up. What's going on? Why are you spiced up? Spice yourself down. Order a compliment. You fucking spiced me right up. What's going on? Why are you spiced up? Spice yourself down. Order a mild. Get the lemon and herb.

There's nothing to be spiced about here. I'm just saying. It feels like you're attacking because we all know the type of person we're talking about that's doing the Facebook status zombie plan and now you're saying that Tobs and I are a good couple and I don't appreciate it. All I'm saying is. What are you implying?

What I'm saying is, is that if a zombie attacked your house, would you A, be fighting them off or would you B, like someone to protect you? Oh, yeah, I would like someone to protect me. So shut the fuck up and accept that you have a zombie protector with a plan of a boyfriend. Do you think that there's one in every couple? Because I'm thinking that at your house.

Mm-hmm. Is it Bridget? Bridget's not good in an emergency situation. She's a panicker. She's a stressor and a panicker. Yeah, same. Yeah. Actually, no, but when there's an emergency,

I can actually fucking jump into action. Really? Yeah. Like one time I got, like I was eating and got, I'm surprised. I got something stuck in my throat or whatever and kind of like, like not that I needed the full Heimlich out, but like I just choked on something. And Bridget was like incapable of words.

Oh, no, see, that's not someone you want around you. No, not at all. And someone once said, on case of emergency, I will, Bridget, leave the room. She's no good. Yeah, that does make sense And someone once said, on case of emergency, I will, Bridget, leave the room. Yeah. She's no good. Yeah, that does make sense actually. She would be the first one that got caught by the zombie

because it's always the, oh, no, they're dead. Yeah. See, you know, we are actually now the brand of people with a zombie plan. Yes. Yeah. You and Torbs can talk about it tomorrow night. We will.

Okay, so anyway, in the movie Jesse Eisenberg, is that his name, Heisenberg? No, that's from Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad, yeah. Anyway, the guy from a social network, he says his rules for the zombie apocalypse and he says, like, the number one rule is cardio. Not good news for me.

No, that's a no from us. Yeah. I'm fucking dead. I'm dead. There's no way. And I did also feel very triggered by the use of the word pandemic a lot in the movie,

which it was like, oh, horrible pandemic has come. Zombie pandemic. Oh my god. You're just not ready for it yet. It's too soon. I thought the exact same thing. So I was like, if we watched this movie four years ago, it'd be like, oh, crazy zombie movie. I thought the exact same thing. So I was like, if we watched this movie four years ago, it'd be like, oh, crazy zombie movie. I was watching it

going, how many mutants of COVID are we away from this? We had Delta, we've had Omniacron, and what's next? The zombie. This isn't that far away. The streets are deserted. People are staying away from each other. And I was like, this is happening now.

We're in it. We need the zombie plan. It freaked me out as well. Yeah. It freaked me out as well. I think it's just, yeah, it's still just too triggering. It's too soon. Have we both agreed that one of the highlights of the film is Bill Murray? Oh, so no spoilers.

Just kidding. It came out fucking 16 years ago. They end up in the Hollywood Hills and they take cover in Bill Murray's mansion. Who's playing himself. Who plays himself. Yeah, he is Bill Murray in the movie. You know the bit where they're talking and then they're like,

Woody Harrelson is like such a big fanboy of his and he's like, oh, my God, love every movie you've ever been in. And then Bill Murray goes like, oh, except for Garfield, like what a gaffe kind of thing. Do you know the like, so I pissed myself and Torbs was like, oh, what is it? And I was like, don't you know the Garfield story? Do you know the Garfield story?

I don't know the Garfield story, but when they said that in the movie, I went, well, something's obviously happened with Garfield and I must because they've obviously, but it just, like, without knowing, it's like, I love all your movies except Garfield because they're shit. Yeah, like, obviously there's a story there. So what happened? Okay, so when, so Bill Murray voiced Garfield in two movies.

So it was Garfield 1 and fucking Garfield 2. And he's the voice of it. And he voiced Garfield, I'm pretty sure he voices, like, the cat that loves lasagna. Yeah. And he voiced Garfield. I'm pretty sure he voices, like, the cat that loves lasagna. Yeah.

And he signed on and, like, didn't even read the script or anything because he saw that it was being directed by Joel Cohen. So you know the Cohen brothers? The Cohen brothers, yeah. So their last name is spelled C-O-E-N. Right. And he didn't realise that it was Joel Cohen with an H. So he signed on to this like... Oh, the Coen brothers.

Where do I sign? He's thinking it's this fucking arty version of Garfield because the Coen brothers are directing it. It's like this shit kids movie. And he's just like, oh, I hate Mondays. How good's lasagna? So he came out and told that story on a podcast like a couple of years ago or something and it was viral.

I can't believe you and Torbs both hadn't seen the story. That is unbelievable. That's so funny. But so he says the thing like, oh, fuck, like I fucked Garfield up and I'm like losing it because I'm like how fucking weird that he's like, yeah, I fucking messed that up. Because his manager even was like, hey, Bill, are you sure you want to do it? He's like, of course I fucking messed that up. Because his manager even was like, hey, Bill, are you sure you want to do it?

He's like, of course I want to do it. Great opportunity. Like, Coen Brothers. And it turned out to be some other guy. Okay. From that point of view. Yeah. What a fuck up.

Huge fuck up. Huge fuck up. Let's flip it for a second. Yeah. The producer comes back to this first-time director of a kids' show and he goes, oh, did you get a voice actor? And they go, we got Bill Murray. They're like, they've got the phone in their hand,

they cover the receiver. They're like, guys, Bill Murray's on the phone. He wants to do it. I think he's going to do it. And they're like, Bill Murray? I wonder how much they paid him. Is that the Bill Murray? Yeah, are you sure it's not Milbury?

Like, is it some other guy? Because maybe it's like, you know how sometimes people mistake me for one of the Coen brothers? Maybe we're mistaking Bill Shmurry for Bill Murray. I'm like, no, that's him. So hang on, when did, and you might not know the answer, when did Bill Murray find out it was a Coen, not one of the Coens? Well, I think that it was kind of they started going into production or whatever and he's like reading this script,

he's like, what the fuck is this? And then he realised it's just like a shit kids movie. Because, and especially now, but if someone said, oh, they're remaking Garfield, you'd be like, oh, remakes are all arranged. Yes. I want to get involved. Where's my Marvel remake?

Like Ghostbusters and shit. Yeah. So yeah, I'll be Garfield. Yeah, I'll do it. And he's thinking it's going to be this beautiful arthouse version that the Coen brothers are directing. Such a fuck-up. But anyway, it is such a good story.

I'm going to re-watch that movie just to see that scene. It's such a good story, yeah. So obviously all the performances are great. They're all great actors. Yes, they are. But anyway, when they meet Bill Murray and Bill Murray's playing himself and I don't know what it is but I love it when actors play themselves because they always kind of play like the dickhead version of themselves.

It's a bit wankier, yeah. They turn up because it's funny like especially if someone's really chewy, like imagine if they had a huge ego. Yeah. So I've prepared, well not much, but I've got the top three performances of actors playing themselves in shows. Oh, I like that. Number three.

Yep. James Van Der Beek from Dawson's Creek. You know that actor? Yes. He plays himself. Oh, no, no, wait. For my love to me. I thought you were going to go with me there.

No. Good to know. He plays himself in this TV show called. Yeah, Don't Trust the Bee in Apartment 23. Have you watched that show? Yes. Do you love it? I love Kristen Ritter.

I thought you would. The main chick with the fringe. Yeah. Also in Breaking Bad. James Van Der Beek in that show, though. Is very funny. He's so funny because half of the show he's like, oh, I was just hanging out with some fans.

Yeah. And he's still basically playing. I mean, I don't know what James Van Der Beek's done since Dawson's. No, me either. But he's really playing up on the fact that. He's James Van Der Beek. Yeah, it used to be Dawson. And he's like stuck in the 90s a little bit.

So the premise of the show is that this girl moved from like the country to the big city. She moves in with Kristen Ritter. Kristen Ritter is best friends with James Van Der Beek, but the girl who moved from the country is like, oh, James Van Der Beek. It's Dawson. Yeah.

In my apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's very, it's quite endearing, but, yeah, he plays a bit of a flog. Number two. Yes. Have you seen Always Be My Maybe, the Ali Wong movie on Netflix? Oh, no, I haven't. So she breaks up with her partner and starts dating Keanu Reeves.

As himself? And it's so funny. Because Keanu Reeves, like the version of himself in this is like this ultra cool kind of. Like suave dude. Yeah, kind of hippie guy. And he like goes to the most expensive restaurant and drives a Maserati.

And because I don't know if you know much about he, all his money goes to charities. Yeah, he's like a really low key guy, right? So the opposite of that. And he's like just picking up chicks. And he's like a really low-key guy, right? So the opposite of that. And he's like just picking up chicks and he's like, what's up, ladies? Keanu Reeves, yeah. And it's just he's so good.

I have to watch it. That sounds so funny. And either way, recommendation, that movie by Ali Wong on Netflix. Oh, so it's probably shit. It's so funny. Excuse me? You heard me. What did you say?

I said so the movie's probably shit if you recommend it. The tide has turned, by the way. It has, actually. I've given some shockers lately. And someone actually tagged me and said, you recommended this. What was it I recommended the other week? And someone's like, you were right. This was great.

Was it my butt? No, but I do recommend that. Five stars. Next, next, next. Number one. Yes. Kate Winslet playing Kate Winslet in Extras. Oh, I haven't.

The Ricky Gervais show. That show, yeah. No, I haven't seen that. So everyone in Extras is great. Yep. And the whole premise of the show is they're Extras on famous shows and, you know, Ben Stiller's the director and he comes over. And Ben Stiller's great as well.

Yeah. But Kate Winslet, so good. So in this scene, I'll play it for you. Ricky and his mate are extras on the show and she's having, like, troubles in the bedroom. And could you imagine you're having a chat with a friend and then, like, Kate Winslet walks over and she goes, oh, hey, guys, what are you talking about?

And you're, oh. Anyway. Oh, my God, that's so funny. Oh, I'm playing with myself. Sounds interesting. Hey. Not, I'm playing with myself. Sounds interesting. Hey, not me. Her. Go on.

Her boyfriend likes to talk dirty on the phone and she doesn't know what to say to him. Oh yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Why don't you just start off with something light, you know, like... I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa Loompas, you know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore. Rattle off the old classics, like, I'm playing with my dirty pillows, I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb ferret,

and then go straight in hard, like, get round here because I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it. All right? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, make it one. Good luck. Can we also say, is she dressed as a nun? Yeah.

Is she? We've tracked her like 50 times by now. Purple womb ferret. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? All right, here's your challenge for next week. Oh, my God, okay. We're getting towards the end of our week.

Yep. Next week I want you to report back. Yep. I need you to use the term womb ferret with Torbs and try and not be like, oh, this is a bit, but just try and sneak it into like a chat. And if you want to record that audio, that wouldn't be the worst thing ever. Okay.

All right. Will you do it? Good challenge. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it. How do you reckon Bridget would react to? I think she'd just laugh at you. She normally does, doesn't she, when you do stuff like that?

Anytime I'm not wearing pants. She's like, look at that. She's like, see ya. I'm like, you married this. That's my comeback for everything with her. You chose this life. You knew what was coming or not coming. You purple womb ferret, sorry.

What was that sound? I actually cannot tell you. I don't know what's happening. I've been overtaken by a demon. Merry purple womb ferret to you. And to all a good night. My You Love To See It, unfortunately, is incredibly wholesome after the Purple Womb Ferret chat.

This is a very Melbourne You Love To See It, but I would love for people to Google it because it's so cute. It's been 100 years. It's the 100th year of Phillip Island's Penguin Parade. They are so cute. It is so fucking cute. 100 years. Good on them.

Yeah, so good on them. Good for the penguins. Good for the penguins. So have you watched the Penguin Parade before? So everyone who grows up in Victoria, grade three camp, grade four, like primary school camp. Because Phillip Island has heaps of school camps. So it's like a rite of passage growing up in Victoria

that at some stage your school will go to the Penguin Parade. So when I was in probably year six, I came to Melbourne with my mum because we've got, she's got like a brother that lives here and stuff. And we came over for a cousin of mine's child's christening and my mum took me to the penguin parade. So I went when I was like 11 or 12 or something. And it is the cutest thing. But what I wanted to say is I would love for everybody to Google it

and watch a YouTube video of the penguin parade. Yeah. Because it is fucking adorable. Really? Well, put one in the episode thread. Oh, yeah. Choose your favourite. The videos of the penguin Parade are so cute

because they're all just like fucking shaking their little butt and like you can watch it through the glass, but you see them all kind of dive down. It's adorable. So that's the Penguin Parade. Yes. Where do we see it? I'm pretty sure you can just Google it and look at it on YouTube.

Where do we see the Purple Ferret Festival? Don't Google that. Something terrible will come up. Do not Google Purple Womb Ferret or whatever the fuck we said. What actually happens if you do Google that? Google it out for me. Purple Womb Ferret. Let me Google it right now.

It'd probably come up with... Kate Blanchett. No, Kate Winslet. Kate Winslet. Purple Womb Ferret. It comes up with Urban Dictionary. An underground term for a male anatomy, a.k.a. the penis. His purple-headed womb ferret protruded her vertical bacon smile.

All right. Okay, if my challenge is to say purple-headed womb ferret, you've got to say vertical bacon smile to Bridget. is to say purple-headed womb ferret, you've got to say vertical bacon smile to Bridget. Shit. Let me kiss you on the vertical bacon smile. Okay, done. I've got a good joke.

This will make you smile. Will it? Not there. No. Shit. Good challenge. There's a protest in Ballarat. I think it was last week.

This sounds too serious to follow what we've just done. There's a protest with everything going on in the world. There's a lot of protests, a lot of heavy stuff. The school in Ballarat has banned mullets and the school's protesting. I'd protest the hell out of that. I'm pro-mullet? Is this a pro-mullet podcast? Pro-mullet, absolutely.

We are pro-mullet. We're pro-whatever hair you want on your body anywhere, anytime. We're not political, but I will stand up for a mullet. I would, yep, stand up for a mullet. Okay, you'd love to see that. All right, see you in your purple bacon smile next week. Purple bacon smile. Oh. So join Rakuten and start getting cash back at Sephora, Old Navy, Expedia, and other stores you love.

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