Toni and Ryan - Raising A Narcissist

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

How to make a man's day, by Ryan Jon. Love u xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. And we are about to call Jordan Richards. Where's Jords? He's in Adelaide. Time difference. Early there? Yep. What is a half hour? Hello, Jordan.

Hello, Tony and Ryan. Hello, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Jordan, are you a Jordan or a Geordie, and are you also an Adelaide or a Radelaide? When you said it, there was no problem. So, you know what, you can say it, I'm Geordie. And Radelaide, I'm definitely no Radelaide.

It's just straight Adelaide. Straight Adelaide. Okay, Geordie from Adelaide. And do you approve the podcast, Geordie from Adelaide? You know what, I guess I can. I do, I do. You know what? I guess I can. I do. I do. Oh, my God. You know what? I was like, no, fuck.

Hi, this is Geordie from Adelaide, South Australia, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, how to make a man's day. And welcome to the 1950s. It's not 1950s, but I'm aware that sounds 1950s. The way that you sold it on the end of yesterday's show, I will admit I've had my doubts about how this is going to come across. How to make a man's day. But that's okay.

And you can all use this for free. Free advice. Okay. But first, let's do confessions. People submit them at tonyandryan.com.au. They are fully anonymous. And lucky, especially with this first one, they are anonymous. So this one's by grower and shower is this one of the situations where the nickname

they give themselves uh like kills the punchline a little bit that's fine okay but what's funny is every time i look at it because the way it's written i read like grower and shower shower. That's really funny. Shower? I don't know. Do you mind if I get on my parenting high horse for just a few sentences? Mate. The requirements of school age parents is getting out of control. Book week costumes

for multiple days. Science like fairs and activities. It's basically just like more work for the parents. The kids don't do it. Mate. Don't schools understand that parents have their own lives? You don't need to worry about that because I've already said that I will be the arts and craft parent of Mabel. Bookquake costumes, science fairs, that's all me. You need someone to build Mabel a volcano, I'll be over with the bicarb soda and the Diet Coke.

Spoiler alert. Oh, sorry. How do we... Oh, Tony alreadyicarb soda and the Diet Coke. Spoiler alert. Oh, sorry. How do we – oh, Tony already said. Isn't it Diet Coke? You use Diet Coke for everything. Isn't it vinegar? I've never done it. Vinegar and bicarb soda, yeah.

Okay. What's the Diet Coke one? That's you drinking at dinner. No, my family, any time there was a hassle, Mum just – Mentos. That's right. Yeah, I knew there was something. I wonder what would happen if you put bicarb soda in with Diet Coke.

Would it just form a paste? Bicarb soda. I mean, we can find out. Yeah. We can do what we want. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we're adults. A confessor named Grower and Shower...

I prefer that. ...says her daughter's class had a competition about who could grow these crest seeds. So she brought home these seeds. We did nothing. It sat on the bench and fucking died. So we threw it into the bin. Classy.

A few weeks later, the teacher's like, oh, everyone bring your crest seeds in tomorrow and we'll see who's grown the most. Yeah. And so the confessor, they're like, well, my daughter was panicked. You know, fuck, we didn't, we just threw this thing out. And you know that that happened in every house. Absolutely.

Every single parent went, fuck, I threw those out last week. You know what I mean? I told her I left it in the car and I'd have to go grab it. So I got into the car, drove down to the plant shop and bought a pre-grown Parisian cress flower. I put that in the hollowed outout eggshell thing that they were supposed to grow it in, and it turns out my daughter won the contest. That's amazing.

Amazing. And way to give the other kids a real complex about it. But imagine, like, this person's is one inch high, 1.1, 1.3, and hers is a 10-inch flower. And it's already bloomed. Yeah. Like, the flower's already there. You mentioned the other parents that like went down to the nursery

and the nursery went, yeah, we're sold out of that. Like 10 different parents went down there and did the same thing. So all the other kids said to my daughter, and like they're primary school, like, you know, they're young, and they go, how'd you do it so well? You're so good at growing the cress seeds. You're incredible. And my daughter says, sometimes in life,

people are just naturally really, really good at things. And I still don't know if my daughter knows if I cheated or not. But she said that with so much confidence, I didn't have the heart to tell her.

So she thinks she's a little green thumb. She also didn't see the plant for the whole weeks that she was supposed to be growing it. Left it in the car. But she's just rocked into school and gone,

sometimes people are just good at things. I mean, love the confidence. Love the confidence. Love the confidence. So I don't know if it's bad that her daughter is now going to have this complex. Or is the daughter in on it? She goes, yeah, sometimes people just really thrive. Yeah.

Is that like the birthplace of narcissism though? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, we maybe shouldn't encourage that. So what happens is I just exist and I'm awesome. Yeah, and I'm a little snowflake and I'm perfect and I'm, you know, I mean, that's how I am. So I don't think it's that bad.

Can't be perfection, man. That's fucking sweet though. Apple Watcher has messaged through and said- You've sent this through yourself. No, they say, I heard Ryan talking about his Apple Watch in the bedroom. Sorry, could you just very quickly refresh everyone's memory about the Apple Watch?

I got an Apple Watch and I don't really know how to use the settings. But why did you buy it? So I could be a Steps guy. Yeah. Turns out Steps is on your phone. It's on your phone. Yeah. It's not as accurate because like you often like put your phone down or like if your phone's in your bag or your pocket, it won't actually count it as well.

So the other day I was walking around the backyard with Mabel and then I went to get firewood from like the front of the house. So I did like a few trips and I was like, I don't have my phone with me. Yeah, it doesn't even count. It's just wasted steps. Yeah, what a waste. And then this morning when we were getting ready to record, where was the Apple Watch? It was in my backpack and I went, oh, where that is?

I haven't seen it for weeks. Yeah. Still dead. It was dead when you wore it on the show to do the big reveal. You hadn't charged it. No, it's still not charged. And you put it in your bag that day and then it's still in there. Yep.

That was like two weeks ago. Yeah, but the one night it was working, I had it on in the bedroom and because it was the lights, it was like the spotlights. Don't wink at me. Stop winking. It was like the start. Is it Warner Brothers or Fox Studios? Oh, yeah, the search line. So every time I rolled over at night, the watch came on

and Bridget's like, what the fuck's going on? Are we getting robbed? Raiders or something. Raiders. Sorry about that. My husband and I both have Apple watches and one night we were getting it on when suddenly we heard a voice

that wasn't either of us. My husband and his watch had called someone. See, there is danger in calling out the wrong name. Otherwise I would have just called his phone. But she's called out Roger instead of Chris.

And it's called Roger from work. Roger, I'm getting rogered. He ripped the watch off, hung it up, and flung it across the room. We were both in shock. We were both in panic. But we were soon both really curious. Sexually? No. Oh, for who called. Oh, sorry. Who did we call? both really curious. Sexually? No.

Oh, for who called. Oh, sorry. Yeah, okay. Who did we call? Yeah, yep, that makes sense. Sexually? Should we try some? Yeah.

Put the watch on my bum. We saw last week, saw visually last week what happens when you do that. Yeah. 10 out of 10, don't recommend. It turns out it was one of the people who work at our church. Praise be. While my husband was doing me missionary, he called a missionary. Speak of the devil. Speak of the devil.

Speak of the Lord. Oh, my God. We didn't know if we should. And how do you, like, do you say, are you just honest? You go, oh, I was at the gym. So they're having this conversation. They thought, do we call him and say sorry? Do we text him and say sorry?

Tony, what would you do? What would you do? Oh, I'm such an over-corrector in these kinds of situations. Yeah, you'd be awful. But I think that I would go, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. My phone is playing up and it keeps calling random people. So sorry to bot. Yeah, it only does when I'm getting railed.

It's so strange. Fuck. Nah. Or I'd maybe be like, oh, I'm at the gym and, like, it just called time. I'm so sorry. Yeah, 4 a.m. in the morning after I had six beers. Yeah, just went to a workout.

Well, I go to a Jets. It's 24 hours. Oh, anytime fitness. Yeah. The confessor said we ultimately decided to just pretend it never happened. The next time we saw them in person at the church, their normally cheerful demeanor was replaced with a cringy discomfort. We all knew.

So they didn't know. We all knew, but we all said nothing. Or if it was at 4 a.m., wouldn't you go, oh, my God, I think I called you in my sleep last night? Like you wait till the next morning and go, I'm so sorry, did I call you last night? I must have done that in my sleep because I had a dream about you like that. I was going to call you to the church.

You were having a dream about me while you were going, harder, harder. Sorry, what was that? Sorry, what? What was that? I'm Marge Simpson. It's supposed to be anonymous. Don't say Marge.

Oh, sorry. Thank you for sending those through. That's amazing. TonyandRyan.com.au is where you can anonymously submit them And thank you for your Confessions Is there a joke about confessions and confessionals and the missionary? Yeah, put it in the thread if you can't Hey, this is Geordie from Adelaide, South Australia

And you're listening to Tony and Ryan It's Tuesday, Tuesday Reading out the tuppers on Tuesday. Everybody's getting ready for the weekend, but it's still Tuesday. Nothing ruins your Friday afternoon by realising it's Tuesday. I, like, have just, there have been so many times when I've gone, oh, at least it's Friday today and it's still Wednesday. Tony, you know you can't just say that and then not turn up for two days.

Yeah, it doesn't mean anything. And then you go, oh, I didn't come in for two days. I'm so sorry. Oh, but now it's the weekend, so I guess I'll see you guys on Monday. It doesn't actually buy you extra time. I don't want to make an anxious person more anxious, but after you do the Patreon readout recommend date, what are they called again?

Shoutouts. I'm going to ask you a fucking brutal question without notice. Great. Okay. Well, see you then. I just read out 900 names. Drew Joyner. Thank you so much.

Dom. Scott King. Have you? Scott King? Who's Scott King? I do. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Dominique Abbott, thank you so much.

And Josh W. Thanks, Josh Dubs. Tapa Josh. Tapa Josh, thank you very much. Loaded question without warning. Yeah. What's the difference between someone who went to a private school and someone who went to a public school?

One answer how I normally do. What? Which is what? With honesty. A pair of RM Williams. This is hard because I grew up in Perth and the difference between public and private school is quite different in Perth to what it is in Melbourne. Is it? Yeah.

How so? Like, you can pick a private school boy in Melbourne from a kilometre away. Yeah. It's not like that in Perth. Well, they can get away with it. Well, it's just not the same culture. Really? Nah.

Whereas, like, private school boys in Melbourne and in Sydney, like, read, like, these stories. If you had to ask me that, private school kids, fucking lunatics on the weekend. Public school, more chill. Oh, do you reckon like stricter parents so you go a bit more wild or something? I think it was stricter school. Like, got to wear this tie, got to have your shoes up like this, got to do that, got to be here at 8.03, and then you get to the weekend

and you go, fuck, no one's telling me what to do on Saturday night. Yeah. Okay. Lunatics. Yeah. Okay. See, I don't reckon it's as much like that in Perth. Because even the private school, well, most of the private schools, there's like two real fancy ones.

But most of the private schools are pretty chill in Perth. Yeah. But I do know what you mean. But I will stand by my original answer of a pair of Aaron Williams. Okay. So this kid, when I went to high school, got kicked out of a really fancy private school. Oh. And our school was kind of the school that like, if you weren't allowed into any of the other ones, like it'd be pretty fucking hard to not get let into Altham High.

Sure. Because we were the place like, oh, he got kicked out of that place and now he has to go here. So now he's here. Yeah. And his name was Andy, this guy. And one of the – so imagine coming from a private school. Our school, the teachers just have nicknames.

Yeah. Like Tomo was the PE teacher. Yeah. Macca was the history guy. And he's come from this really strict private school. Yeah. And a teacher asked him a question and he said, oh, sorry, sir.

Yeah. And he said the word sir and everyone fucking gave it to him. Yeah. Like, oh, sir, oh, how embarrassing, private school kids, sir. And really like gave him a hard time. I think his nickname was sir for a while. So I had the opposite. So because I went from a public school to a private school in year 10.

Who's this rude bitch that wouldn't even say Sir? Well, I was used to saying, like, Mr. Dunn. And then when you go to a private school, no one uses names. What do they use? They say Sir and Miss. Right. And I was like, no. It's so impersonal.

Yeah, I reckon. And so I was used to being like, oh, Miss Lodge or Mr. Dunn. And then they just all say sir and miss. So when Andy said sir, he got teased relentlessly. But quietly, I kind of liked it. I thought it was like a sign of respect. Yeah. And so I kind of went, oh, like it's impersonal, but like I kind of get it.

So do you really like it when you like go to? Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I will call every man, sir. Yeah, you do. Like if we go to a cafe or we get out of the Uber or the taxi. Because I think not only a sign of respect, but it's like, especially with the jobs I just mentioned, i'm just saying like you don't like work for me or below me like we're two people going about our day i mean we've we know people who made it their mission to make sure everyone in the room knows they're below them yes um and

so we don't like that yeah and so i i kind of like it's just like it's a sign of respect um so this morning i'm getting a coffee Yeah And I've got my coffee I'm about to walk out Come back to the office And this guy You know how there's all the firemen There's like a fire station down the road There's always one

And they're always packed in the cafe Yeah And so one of them opened the door Like he's coming in He opens the door for me And I go Oh thank you sir And the look on his face

About being called a sir Juiced him right up He was like He almost like looked around He's like is my school teacher here and the look on his face about being called a sir. Juiced him right up. He almost looked around. He's like, is my schoolteacher here? Is my dad behind me? Yeah. And he kind of went, like, it's as if he grew two inches taller. His shoulders untrugged.

You made that guy's day. I made that guy's day. And I was like, and I could see it straight in his face. And I've gone, oh, I've just like, it was almost like a slip of the tongue almost. Like, it was a nothing thing for me. And I was like, and I could see it straight in his face. And I've gone, oh, I've just like, it was almost like a slip of the tongue almost. Like it was a nothing thing for me. And I was like, you know what? That actually costs nothing. And that guy just got like, he got cold sir.

So what? Yeah. Two inches taller, the biggest pump up, this huge smile, looked around. And he was just like, yeah, you're welcome. So I have a question. Yeah. You know how whenever I go somewhere and I'm like overly polite and you're like people probably think that you're actually being

like condescending, do you think that there could be some situations where people think you're being a dick? Why do you ask that? No, like I'm genuinely out. Like do you think that there's a dick why do you ask that no like i'm genuinely out like do you think that there's a time when you know someone goes oh i'm a taxi driver you don't have to be a dick to me do you like not that i think that obviously understand the question i think like could it ever come across that way where they where you go oh yep thank you sir and they go what a cock i think it's in the delivery which is where you're getting because i think

if you kind of went oh oh, thank you, sir. Yeah. You'd be like, fuck off. Yeah. When you're like, thank you, sir. Like just. Yeah. Like still calm, still quiet, but sincere.

Yeah. And I feel like, and tell me if I'm wrong, when it's. It's in the delivery. Absolutely. But like when I'm out, I don't like make sure everyone in the room knows I said the words. It's just like, thank you, sir. Yeah. Appreciate that, sir.

Thank you, ma'am. Do you say ma'am? Because we don't like that. I don't think I do, but I feel like sir is the... It's not, no. But when you hear ma'am, you think I'm an old woman. No, it's like it's an age thing, I think. It's like ma'am is like, oh, how old do you think I am?

The fireman was kind of young, so maybe sir is almost like an older respect. Made him think it was like distinguished or extinguished fireman. Oh, my God. Yes. I'll take that. See you. Have a great day, everyone. Thank you, sir.

What is the equivalent? I don't know. Because Miss sounds the opposite. Miss is quite like rude and it's young. But ma'am kind of you hear like, ma'am, excuse me, ma'am. Someone called me ma'am in the airport the other day and I was like, I'm a young woman. How dare you?

Yeah. I don't know what the other version is. But let it be known that if you want to make a man's day, just drop a sir and see how that goes for you. Try that one on for size. Yeah, that is nice. And just nice that you made that guy's day. How sweet.

And like I said, it was almost, I won't say an accident, because it's not a bad happen. But it rolled off the tongue. Yeah, I didn't even think about it. And that's made you feel good, too. I'm gassed up. Yeah, you're gassed up that he feels good about what you did. Yeah, that's really nice.

You're welcome, everyone. Try it on. Try it on for size. I've got what you love to see here. Aside from your sir, Jasmine Rosenberg. I sent this through on our Patreon. Sorry that I just sound like a robot. Jasmine Rosenberg.

It sounds like you're reading a fake name. I was going to say Jazz, and then I was like, oh, maybe she doesn't go by Jazz. So I added the min, and then I was like, Rosenberg, and that wasn't good. Rosenberg. Anyway. Sir Jasmine. Sir Jasmine says, hey, Tony and Ryan, last night I had to go to the dentist for some extractions and a deep clean.

Gross. Which, if you aren't aware, trigger warning, content note, is essentially detaching your gums from your teeth and they're like clean underneath them so like exactly I think that everybody listening just went she says as someone who has a bad fear of the dentist after a rough experience

I was absolutely shitting myself I decided I needed something I love to relax me while they worked on my mouth so I saved three weeks worth of Tony and Ryan podcast content and listened to it all the way through my surgery. So she knew that she's like had heaps and they were just going to keep rolling through. Question. Question.

If you laugh in a dentist chair. That's a good question. I mean, I don't want to be presumptuous and assume that we're, like, making a spit. But, yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's a really good point. Well, Jazz said that it worked a treat. She's now back home loving her smile. Jazz is like, no, it wasn't an issue for me.

Yeah. I don't think I could have gotten through it without you guys. Couldn't listen to Hamish and Andy like I normally do. That'd be too funny. Couldn't laugh. No, she didn't say that. That was an editorial for me. No two birds, one cave for me. No Conan. No Smartless.

But Jazz, love to see that. And proud of you for going to the dentist. Because it's really scary if it's not something you're a fan of, which most people aren't. Congrats. That's not the right word. Good job, though. Really proud of you. Good job, ma'am. No.

Sorry, I'm trying. Do you have your love to say it? This is how you know your wife is too hot for you. This is from Tanner. And his wife is way out of his league, and his mates all give him teas and let him know about it. So this person heard the teasing and goes, oh, Tanner, like, what's the deal?

Is she actually that hot? How hot is she? Yeah. And this is what Tana said. My wife is so much better looking at me that a cashier at the supermarket put a plastic divider in between our clothes. And then he goes, no, we're together.

And the guy goes... He goes, no, we're together. And the guy goes... He goes, sure, mate. Maybe that's like you're at the supermarket with like Emily Ratched-Lichert-Makowski. Yeah. And then you're on... No, we're... Yeah, we're actually, yeah. Or you put your hand on her back and they go, is this guy bothering you?

Yeah. Do you need me to take this guy out and call the cops? Far out. Well, thank you so bothering you? Yeah. Do you need me to take this guy out and call the cops? Far out. Well, thank you so much for listening today. Thank you. Tomorrow on the show. Do I know what show it's on?

I don't know if we do. Tony and Ryan are lame. So make sure you tune in. No, let me tell you what happened. Well, nice, because you tell them the story tomorrow. So we got really excited about something.

Yeah. And then I told someone else about the thing we're excited about. Yeah. And really excited about something. Yeah. And then I told someone else about the thing we're excited about. Yeah. And they went, oh. Oh. And I think we're lame for how much we loved it. Oh, no.

But I'll reveal that tomorrow. And we can all decide together if it's legit or if it is actually a bit lame. Stay tuned. That's tomorrow. Catch you later. Love you. Bye. stay tuned that's tomorrow catch you later love you bye