Toni and Ryan - Ryan Has Been Banned From Touring

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

On a fcking Monday - Confessions - Ryan's hot take - love ya!!!!!Don't forget to join the waitlist for the Gold Coast show!!! https://www.toniandryan.com.au/Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kintiki in Vietnam. Are we past that? There's age limit. Is there actually age limit? Yeah, 35. Okay, well, I'm fine then, Charles. Thank you very much. And I'll get a fake ID.

Hi, I am Randy from Chico, California, USA. Hi, I'm Samantha from Lake Monday, Australia. Hi, I'm Julia from New Jersey in the US. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. author Tony Lodge. Captain of the ship.

Vice Captain. I'm Vice Captain. Your captain and Doctor Throat. Which we have rediscovered on LinkedIn. Have you sent that email? I have. I emailed Cynthia from Stemway. And I said, we're in.

What's the next stage? Like, what's the next thing that we need to do? I have not heard back. Okay, great. But as I am now large in the doctor community, not a fat joke, by the way, just that I am like a big deal in the doctor community. I've actually gotten some news from,

Okay, sorry. Nah. You've just come out real hot for a Tuesday and I'm just going to need a moment to say... I love coming to work. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so true. First of all, this company sent us a letter offering us medical equipment for our medical practice. Yeah.

Dear Dr. Tony Lodge. Second of all, can you please discuss why it is that you are big in the doctor's world? Yes. Okay. So, this is not only... This might be a combination of all our favorite areas. me being a doctor, medical comedy, maybe, and also on a fucking Monday. Okay.

Because last Monday, I get a text from the Doctors Association of Australia or fucking whatever, as I am a board member, saying, you need to get a PAP smear. The board said that, did it? Yeah, they do. It's like a national registry. Right. So it's like every time you get a PAPSmear, they go, great, set up the reminder text for five years from now or two years from now, whatever it is.

Right. Doesn't that get your week off to a good start? On a fucking Monday, I get a text being like, girlfriend, you do need to have a papsmear. I go, okay, I'll book in. I find this new doctor. And she doesn't have an appointment for like three months. Or she had an appointment yesterday.

So not only did I get told I had to have a papsmear on a fucking Monday. Yesterday I had a Papsmear on a fucking Monday. Don't you traditionally. First of all, congratulations, thank you. Traditionally, would that be something you would need a put off? Yeah, but like need five to six business days to like get your head around that this is how. Remember that time I got a wax on a whim? Yes, that was crazy.

Yeah, so my wife had a waxing appointment. I went to cancel and they said, sorry, it's too late. And I said, well, how much did she pay? And they said, 80 bucks. I'm like, well, what can I get? Yeah. And that, thus was the big. of your waxing journey.

My beautiful back, my sexy, slippery, silky dolphin back. But I'm guessing a pat, like if someone goes, you're getting a PAPSMEA today, you're like, oh, hang on, I need. You need to mentally prepare for sure. It's very invasive. Sure. Like it's. The invasive.

You know, like it's up yet full clacker. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah. The medical industry. Yeah. You can listen to me. Okay. But, so not only did I get told I had to have a Papsme on Monday on a

fucking Monday. I had a PAPSmeal the following fucking Monday. Congratulations. Thank you. I was really proud of myself. How do you feel? Invaded. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Personally invaded. Yeah. No, and you should do it. Don't put it off. It's very important. Charles, what's one question? Because I've got one. Okay. Here we go. Well, Charles only found out what a Papsmear was like two weeks ago. I told him in the car. Yeah. So I feel like what's a question that you want to ask that you wouldn't because. Oh, this is like an episode of the ABC show like you can't ask that. You absolutely can. Yeah. Ask me whatever you want. Is there something you're curious about?

I did completely forget what the Pabstil was, even though you did explain to it. That's great. Yeah, that's Kate Heslop's, yeah. Medical term. Good? Oh, chaste. Good question, Mark. Are you aware that you've had that procedure done like the next day?

Um, you know what I'm asking? It's not really like, sore. Is that what you're asking? Kind of, yeah. Like, it's like the, the second it finishes, you're like, Nah, but I would say having it in the morning for the rest of the day you are a bit like, you know, like, Because a friend of mine female. It's uncomfortable.

Oh, yeah. Like it's, it doesn't hurt, but it's uncomfortable. And like, I guess it depends on the way that your body is laid out. Because you've got a short cervix. You've got like, you know, that can obviously affect how it hurts you. Like, because they put the like duck bill thing in. They got fucking wrench you open, like old car. Do they call it a duck bill?

They do. Really? They do. It's called like something, but they, that's what they, yeah. It is a duck bill. Thank you, Charles. That is a duck bill. Yeah.

But that, like, that's what they kind of, how they describe it. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Bring that back up, Charles. Yeah. You're going to need more information? Let's, no, no, let's talk about.

We're showing the duck bill thing on the screen, by the way, if you're just listening. But it's like a professional photo tape. in a studio. Yeah, well, because they're probably selling that equipment. So I often get weird about like, you know, like stock photos. Sure. And I kind of go, imagine being on set that day. Oh, and being like, we're going to model the toothpicks. Yeah. Or hi guys. Today, today we're just going to pretend that we work in an office because some company wants to put collaboration on their website and needs a generic picture. Yeah. That's so funny. So we're going to be that today. Yeah. And so I'm wondering you study photography, you're that way of mind, you like how things look, you know, you got a nice eye.

And they go, what are you doing today? And he goes, I'm shooting a duck bill. But I mean, product photography or like e-com stuff like feels, you know, this is like not a necessary like creative photo shoot. Well, I mean, I don't know that. They might have put a lot into this, but is the duck bill. Okay, now we're going to get into it. Okay. Well, it did get into me, so that's all right.

The way they've put it out there is that the bills are top and bottom. And I don't know why in my mind I assumed it would be left and right. So when they insert it, the end, like the beak, if a duck was quacking, it would be open. Yep. The duck is not currently quacking. Yes. they put it in. But is it up and down or left and right?

Really? And then she quacks. Okay. No, this is all right. We're all learning. She quacks. A long quack stays open. And then see how there's the opening at the back.

Then they threw the quack, put the swab into there. And then that's how they get like to the top of your cervix. Yep. Now, is it as cold as that photo looks? Yeah. Really? They don't heat it up It's really, really cold

Can't they pop it in some warm water Just to sit like in a cup of tea In an Earl Grey I prefer? Yeah, I should ask them Maybe that would come Maybe a camomile Calm you down from the inside Wouldn't that be beautiful?

I'd pay for that Yeah, yeah That sounds like a spa treat They wouldn't have to message you and go Oh, it's five years You'd be messing them I'd be like, When's the next available?

When's the next available? When's me papy? How often can I get these? When can I have a smear? I want a camamil I'm like to meal I'm like to meal. Nice.

So, yeah, it is as cold as it looks. looks and it's just, you know, a cold metal object and it feels like a cold metal object. Like it's really, it's very a sterile procedure. Like, it's not nice. But that's okay. We have to do these things for our health and longevity. The person holding it looks like they're ready to do the shocker. I don't know if there's something about the bottom too.

Yeah, they're holding it like a gun. Yeah. Which is quite aggressive. Yeah. But, you know, these things. Well, we're proud of it. Thank you so much. The scrape of life.

And it really could be, you know? Like, no results yet. Yeah. Like all good? You don't know. Nah, do they just go, cool, we'll let you know if there's anything. Yeah. So they just, if you don't hear back, it's good news.

Because that feels weird. Yeah, it does. Like, don't call us, we'll call you. And I'm like, no, I'd love to find out. In my vagina and not call me back. You know what I mean? That's a really good way of putting it. Yeah.

A bit shit. I'd love a follow up. Yeah. If you wouldn't mind, I would love a follow-up to this. Even if it's just a text just to say, hey, it's not for me, but I had a great time. Hey, girl. Love it. Yeah.

It's so much fun. I don't really say it going further, but just wanted to let you know, it's like respectable. Yeah. And you're selling it exactly like how you feel a bit violated after that. You do want somebody to kind of just be like, hey, you're all good. Yeah. I know you were just violated inside, but just I've got some feedback. No, but just like, and you're fine.

All good. Yeah, all good. Yeah. But the new doctor's good as well. Thanks for asking. If you had a one night stand and the next morning the guy left and just sent through an emoji that was just like thumbs up. I would, I'd write that. Yeah.

Because I'd be like, hey, thanks for acknowledging that. Yeah. All good. Nice one. I just think the acknowledgement is nice. Like I read some fucking, like, BuzzFeed or, you know, one of those kind of things about how people, like hate it when someone likes a message. Like that is really,

is that right? Like really passive aggressive for someone to like thumbs up a message. But we're into that here. I like that. Because I've read your, I've acknowledged that I've got it. Yeah. I think that's really nice.

Because then it's not just like radio silence. Obviously if I was saying something that needed an answer, then I'd be like, oh, like I need you. But if it's not really that, but it's just. Oh, but I'm guilty of people like telling me something that I needed to know and I'll go cool got it. Yeah. I say that in my brain and they don't know

that I've got it. Yeah. And I think that the thumbs up is just nice. That is nice. Yeah. We've all learned something today. I'm pro that. Write it down. Yeah. These are top confessions. Hello. What are we confessing today? Someone's like, I didn't perhaps me for this girl and she was

terrible. I've been secretly feeding my housemate his own sink water. Oh. He does meal prep. and every week he cooks up a big batch of whatever he's having for lunch and portions it out for the week. Very organized, very admirable.

Cool. He also leaves the sink strainer full of like rice and pasta and vegetable, just kind of like sitting in the sink, marinating in the sink water. Oh, sorry, you've just really hit a nerve with me. I saw that happen. Yeah, sorry. Yep. A nice, this is type of words.

A little Michelin Star Swamp that nobody. he asked for. He never cleans it. So I started putting it back. If he's not throwing it out, he obviously must be saving it for later. That is crazy. If he's made a pasta and the strain is full of pasta,

it goes back in because he's meal prep for the week. All the containers are lined up in the fridge. So she goes, oh, that swampy bit of rice in the fucking sink. You must have wanted that. You must have wanted that. Maybe I'll just get that rice and pop it back in your rice container. Can I just say? Sometimes we add voices to things.

and they are not right. That was incredible. Thank you. And could not be more accurate. He gets an extra bit of moisture. An extra bit of flavour. A little extra of whatever's been living in that drain. He's been eating it for months.

Fuck, that is so disgusting. I'd like to say I feel bad about it. But I don't. And you know what? Well, you're the only one that has to live with it, I guess. That's my confession. I really fucking hate it when there's food in the sink thing. That just pisses me off.

So when I'm cleaning up at home, take that back. Take your lie back. Take that. No, because the cook cooks and they don't clean. So Bridget doesn't clean at your house? Well, I have the first crack at it. Well, I go the first crack at it.

Right. And then, and here is the difference. If I get most of the stuff down, I'm like, great. What do you mean most of the stuff down? Like if there's a, like it's not perfect often. But what do you mean most of the stuff down? Take it out of the sink. You don't put it down the sink.

No, but if there's heaps of stuff in the sink and heaps of stuff on the bench and I've cleaned up and whatever and like, like the difference between me and a lot of people probably is like, if I've got most of it, then like all good. What are you saying is most of it? The food out of the sink or the dishes in the dishwasher? No, like if there was a few grains of rice left in the sink. Yep. Like that kind of thing.

Sure. Yeah. No, but you just said when you've got most of it down. And what I'm worried I'm hearing is that you are forcing it down the sinkhole. Or say, I need you to say yes or no to that. Let me use it. No, no, it's actually so simple. No, let me have a.

So say we've had. You've had a curry. A curry. Great. Slate. Great. Yum. I'm still, and I think we're on board with this when people are like,

are you just put it in the dishwasher? And I'm like, no, if there's curry sauce and fucking rice and blah, blah, blah. I'll give that a little in the sink before I put it in the dishwasher. Sure. Because putting all that shit in the dishwasher, I'm like, what? So you're just going to mix saute sauce around with fucking everything. Yeah, no, that's crazy. And so that's kind of.

of just like a bit of a once over in the sink and then I'll pop it in. But of course you've had a curry. So there's like. Bits of rice or whatever. Totally. A couple of bits of rice and whatever. A fucking sprig of coriander. Sure.

Yeah. If that survives the cleanup, is that terrible? So I don't pre-w rinse, but I would scrape all of that into the bin. Like I wouldn't put that because then you just have to pull it out of the sink and then back into the bin. Yeah. I hate it. when there is like say you did the pre-rince in the sink and then you left that rice and stuff behind it's just so it smells it gets slimy and like the longer you leave it in there the

harder it is to clean because the stuff just like sits in the sink yeah so like I am I wouldn't do what our confessing tarpa has done just because I don't fuck with that I just would feel too also there's difference between a roommate and your husband totally Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, Tobs and I ate the same food. So I wouldn't do it. And yeah, you, like, when you live with the house, right, you fucking hate them. You kissed that mouth. Yeah, yeah, totally.

Oh, jokes on you. Well, actually. Yeah, well, it's us. Yeah. We're in this together. But yeah, like, I, I wouldn't do that, but I think it is fair. Here's another confession, because we're moving right along. I can't believe you leave food in the sink, but I have seen it happen live.

so I'm not surprised. I think what my issue is and my issue is that I'm like, if I do a full, full job of the sink. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, we have some dessert. And then I've got to do that all again. It's sort of like, I'll get it most of the way. And then at the end of the night when we've,

although we had a bit more food. Sure. And then you're like, oh, I just, I just tidied that up and now I've got to clean. And I'm like, if it's close enough for now. Yeah, but I, you going back and scooping the stuff out? I definitely have the intention to. Yeah. I also, I wouldn't do the clean up of all of that stuff until like right before I was going to bed normally anyway. I think this is actually what I'm saying. But you're saying that you've already

done it. So if you knew you were going to eat it like I wouldn't fuck around with cleaning everything up and then. Yeah. And I think that's where I'm like, oh, you're not going to clean that. And I go, yeah, but like, not right now. But also don't you have? have the little sink strain, like the catches. Yeah, they're a myth. Well, no. They're a bit of a scam. Does stuff go down the sink or does it not?

No, no, no. But so you put that into, that's in like on top of the plug or whatever. And all of the food runs into that. And then you take that out and you tap that into the bin and then the food's out of the sink. This is what I mean. We've actually made it so easy for people. No, you actually haven't, though.

Because what happens is then the food that goes in that thing, means water can't get down. So then you need to like... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That thing, you can plug it down. Yeah. But you can also just sit it in the sink. Yeah, but once the food starts clogging in the bit,

yeah. Then the water can't keep going. Yeah, so then you tap it out into the bin. Yeah, and then the shit just keeps running. How much food are you putting in your sink? Dude, I'm fucking going for it. You need to stop. Are you shoving the food down the same?

Sometimes, yeah. You are just... Just like bits of rice and pasta and chicken and hot dogs and stuff. These are tough confessions! I'm a tiny little girl who does massive not-so-tiny shits. A few weeks after moving in with a roommate, who I also work with, I clogged the toilet with the biggest poo imaginable. this next sentence

I feel is iconic but I'm not sure it wasn't just a poo it was an event I can't like she was saying oh it wasn't just like it's like nah

like this was this was some sure instead of dealing with it like a normal adult human being I went to the kitchen got some tongs grabbed a plastic bag

fished it out poo in the bag Tongs in the bag, tied the bag up, bag in the bin, done, see ya, don't worry about it, carry on with my day. The next morning my roommate comes out and asks where the tongs are. Sure. I looked her dead in the eye and said, I have absolutely no idea. I've never seen them. How strange.

Would you just be like, oh, sorry, I broke them? I'll go grab some more. Haven't seen them. How strange. Yeah, okay. For them just to disappear. Yeah, God, where if they are? I haven't seen them.

Do we have any? Are you sure? She still doesn't know. We still live together. We still work together. She's mentioned to people at work that they've lost their tongs. Oh, I think the problem here is that the housemate needs to get a fucking personality. The other one.

Yeah. Yeah. You go into it someone and goes, how are you? You go, oh, well, it's actually not good, mate. I've lost me tongs. Like, come on. Come on. Do you reckon after it's been mentioned?

and brought up and time's gone by that maybe the confessor could just buy a new pair. Well, they're like two bucks from came up. Yeah. Like, but so I think that maybe I'm getting a bit caught up in the logistics of this, but like she said she fished it out with the plastic bag. Like she had a plastic bag and she fished it, like she got the tongs, pulled it out, put the... Why wouldn't you just like reverse the bag and then no tongs needed to be harmed in the...

So true. You know what I mean? Maybe it was a double fister though. I don't know if you had to like double fister. Like if you need tongs, something's going on. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can.

Yeah. Yeah. They did the right thing by throwing them out. Yeah. I think that that is fair. It's worse to like put them in the dishwasher. Absolutely. Whatever that is.

Yeah. Hi. I'm Samantha from Lake Monday, Australia. Hi. I am Randy. from Chico, California, USA. I'm Julia from New Jersey in the US. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Some of our champion tarpers watch a little live stream on Friday. They did. Thus, decorating something very top secret. Very top secret. Can't tell you about it. Shes secret. Emma Taylor.

You might find about it in 2027. Fonda. Habit ha ha ha ha ha. Mark that in your calendar. Emma Taylor, good on you Emma. Diane Stegmuller. Doesn't that sound like a type of dinosaur? Here we've got the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Stegmuller.

I actually think it's the brand that makes the sink, that little things in the plug. You're so right. Or what they call that sync thing at IKEA. Yeah. Did you get the melee? No, I got the Stegpula. I got the Stegmula.

Victoria Tomiko also sounds like a great brand name. You got the Panasonic? No, I got the Tomiko. Oh. Nice. Very nice. That is cool. Kirby and Tara. That's a kid's shop. That is a kid's shop. I went down and got one from Kirby and Tara. Yeah. Because it's like smiggle. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This one. Shiana. Oh, that is women's like loungeware. I was about to say because it sounds like Susanne Gray.

Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Kay. Oh, very nice. Cutlery. It definitely is. Or like little like ceramic things you buy. from Maya. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a Molissa K.

Isabel Dahl? Oh, that is the beans. The curry, like the chickpeed curry. Beatrice spinet. Oh, that sounds like a really fancy salad spinner. Yes. Don't you reckon? Like, you put your lettuce in there and you do that and, oh, the Beatrice spinet, that's nice.

Yeah, but someone called Beatrice could also be really good at designing wallpaper. Or rugs. So true. Yes. Yeah. You've nailed that. You're on a fucking hot strip. Yep.

Newt, this is our last one. Newt Weaver. Oh, they make hats for guys. Hats. Like, they would make hats that say like San Diego Rifle Club or... Yeah, like Sunday Run Club. Yeah. Yep.

Who's the brand that make those? Oh, that's the... Newt Weaver. Yeah. Like, he's the designer. I also, could I enter one more into the options for Newt Weaver? Is that sync a Newt Weaver? Like a beautiful bathroom sink?

Nah, you don't reckon? Nah, forget it. We should, we're dead. Yeah, I just think of everything we've just said about how bad things can be. I don't want to associate it with the tarpa. Sorry, New Weep. No, that would never happen to that one because you wouldn't be using it. No, because that would be out of my price range.

Thank you very much being part of our Patreon. We love to see it. Oh, what? You're doing your face? I've got something to say about kitchens. Okay. Do you want to do it now? No, let's do the other thing.

Yeah, but fuck me. It's actually not what I was even going to talk about. I've changed my mind 18 times. No, that's all right. Okay, let's do this first. Sure. We're coming to the Gold Coast. Live show on the Gold Coast, live podcast recording on Sunday afternoon, January the 30th.

31st, 2 p.m. Whatever that Sunday is. So Sunday, June 31st, Jan 30th. Sunday, Jan 31st. This would never happen to Newt Weaver. No, wouldn't. New Weaver has won the Nobel Peace Prize. For what?

Peace. Thanks. Peace in the kitchen. Yeah, peace. Oh, peace and corn. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, the toilet was blocked.

So you had to do a piece in the sink. Anyway, sorry. We're doing another live show. You want this whole thing? No, just the piece. We are coming to the Gold Coast. I thought we were already coming to the Gold Coast, but... I've got some breaking news.

Tony doesn't know the difference between the Gold Coast and Brisbane. And that's going to upset a lot of people. That's going to upset a lot of people. She still kind of refuses to believe they're not the same thing. Because they're both Queensland. Because when we went to Brisbane earlier this year, then that's what... We haven't been there this year.

Yeah. when we went and we went to movie world and stuff. Gold Coast. Yeah, Gold Coast. Yeah, we went to Brisbane. Are you saying Gold Coast the way that we say chapter? Are you saying Gold Coast like the place? What I'm telling you is that the Gold Coast and Brisbane are two different places.

Hang on. They are both in Queensland. Oh, the map's not big enough. It is because there's crazy stuff on here. Fremantle is on this map. Okay. Okay. So I'm looking at Brisbane.

Gold Coast not on here. Yeah. Is it north? No, it's south. So there's the Gold Coast. And then see that right at the top? That's Brisbane. Oh, is the Brisbane?

The Brisbane. Is Brisbane not on the sea? Not really. It's in line. It's close, but it's not a beachy town, yeah. Oh. So you know. I thought it was because of the Gold Coast.

I'm thinking of the Gold Coast. I'm thinking of the Gold Coast. So we already have a show at the Tivoli in Brisbane, the Sunday before. Yeah, sold out. Sold out. Right in there, Fortitude Valley. I've been to Fortitude Valley before. Do you remember when we all dressed up as Harry Potter and went, yeah, I don't know.

It was before. It was before all that. And we went to Brisbane. Do you remember the beach there? No. Because there isn't one. Do you know what we did do that? Do you remember we swam in that fancy pool?

And you know why we're in the pool? No beach. No beach available. Why? Because it's not on the beach and it's not the Gold Coast. So do you accept that they are not the same place? because I was like, let's, yeah, like I was like, oh, extra Gold Coast show and Tony's like, we're already doing one in Brisbane.

I'm like, that's great for the people of Brisbane. Yeah, but it's not the same. And apparently, apparently, that I don't like that. Apparently, Brisbane and Gold Coast people don't like when people lump them in together. Well, both Brisbane and the Gold Coast have a rugby league team and an AFL team that play against each other because they are not the same team. The NFL. out.

So no. Not even close. Gold Coast. So we are coming once again to the Gold Coast. Tony and Ryan.com.com. You can sign up register. Go to the wait list. Go to the wait list.

And then in it's going to be a week or so, we're still figuring out the details. But what I will say is please register and don't wait because Brisbane sold out in like 10 minutes. Adelaide sold out in 20 minutes. They go hot and I don't want you. If you really want to come, I don't want you to miss out. And Brisbane actually sold out so fast that we thought the website was broken. Like, because people were like, I can't have tickets to the thing. To my cart and we were like, oh my God, we're going to have to sort this out.

Danny's on the blower straight away. Lily's on the blower straight away. And they were like, no, you can't have a ticket to your cart because they're gone. So don't want you to miss out. Tony and Ryan.com.com.com.com. See you at the Gold Coast, which is not. Brisbane. But they are both in.

Queensland. And you can get a train between them if you want to. Is that right? So true. Yeah. Well, you can anywhere with the, well, I guess not anywhere.

Not true. Not true at all. Can't get a train up to Newcastle. Can't get to Newcastle. Can't get to New York. So true. You can't because the fucking high speed rail. The high speed rail.

They're fucked that up. They fucked that up. Sydney to New Castle. Dreams dashed. Sydney to Newcastle should have a train. Like that's just. It's insane. That's fucked.

That's fucked. That's fucked. Okay. High speed. High speed. What's the, what's the drive between Brisbane and Gold Coast.

An hour? Because they both have an airport. That feels crazy. Yeah, it is crazy. Like, that's awesome. So it really is two places. It really is two places. It really is.

Yeah. Sly for them. You know what you can't do, though? You can't fly from Brisbane to the Gold Coast because they tell you to fuck off. Oh, you can't fly between them. Well, I tried to book, like I looked up if I could book it. And it was like Brisbane to Sydney.

Sydney, Sydney to the concoast. Because it's like, by the time you got up, you'd be coming. You're back down. Yeah. I mean, even Melbourne to Sydney is a bit of a piss take. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just trying to join in. Yeah.

Can someone fucking yes and me, please? So true, babe. Thank you. Oh, don't beg me. You can't do a yes and with a babe. It negates the yes and. I want to talk about tourism and trains. Kitchens.

No, you said you went to fucking wait. No, I'm back on. I'm on trains and transport. God, for the first time you're on a train. Because Starbucks can get fucked. What does Starbucks have to do with a train? Or have you changed again?

At the Starbucks, at the Spencer Street Station, the train station. Southern Cross, it has been renamed. About 15 years ago, glad I'm up to date. Southern Cross Station is probably the biggest station in Melbourne, because that's the one that not only connects all of Melbourne, but like if you're going to get the train to Adelaide. The V-Line. Anywhere else, that's like the big main hub.

it ends up being a bit of a tourist hub because that's where you get on buses to go to Phillip Island and this and that. It's also where the Sky Bus is. Yeah. Like to get the bus back to the airport. Exactly. So there's heaps of people coming to going. You ever been on the Sky Bus?

No, yeah. Yeah. You've never been on the Sky Bus in your life. How much is it? $18.50. It's about 19. So that's pretty close. Yeah.

Well, fifth plus JST. Oh, inflation these days. Yeah. Yeah. So Starbucks has gone. Oh. Oh, heaps of tourists around. I've got an idea.

As well as selling ventis and granities, we're also going to sell merch. But it's not like Starbucks merch. It's like Starbucks branded like Australian merch. Because if you're a tourist from overseas, oh, it says Melbourne on it. I do like that. Yeah. And because you're in a touristy area, you're like, oh, that makes sense. Like people come here.

Oh, by it's got a big koala on it and it says Australia and it's got a little Starbucks thing in the corner. Sure. Is that a t-sh-shirt? Is this a real piece of merch you're describing? Yeah, yeah. But like a branded mug, so you might order your drink and but it's like a takeaway mug. Yep. They do have like hats and stuff.

Like there's a proper little merch stand in Starbucks. Oh, that's great. Also, is, is a touristy? That kind of shit. Yeah, I'm seeing. Okay, Australia crossover Starbucks. Yeah. Is the weird thing about.

I've got huge beef and I'm about to burn them down. No, no, I can't wait to fucking hear it. But is the thing with Starbucks being in a touristy area because it doesn't do well in Melbourne anywhere else. Yeah, there was once 88 and now there are four. And they're all in the CBD. All in tourist areas. Like, yeah.

Airport, middle of city. Yep. I think there's one in Hawthorne next to the uni because international students love Starbucks. And because when we did the NFL thing the other day, there was like all the American presenters that were there with Netflix, some poor fucking intern, rocks over with like 12 bags of Starbucks because obviously all the Americans are like that. That's all we know. Yeah.

And they had to drive past 57 cafes to get Starbucks because Brett Favreth, heaven forbid, he drinks a fucking real coffee. Yeah. So anyway, sorry. Burn him down. Now there's Melbourne stuff. Yep. There's Australia stuff. Yeah, which makes sense because we're in Melbourne, Australia.

But they've gone, oh, if there's a lot of international tourists. Why don't we put some Sydney stuff up? Oh. Why don't we throw a Brisbane in? Well, Brisbane and the Gold Coast are different places. Why don't we reference Quokkers and Rotnest Island? Get your fucking filthy mitts off the W-A. Quok. I don't think you can sell city-based merch not in that city.

Oh, what a hot take. They're being fucking greedy. What a hot take. That's amazing. Absolutely fucking not. Do you sell Brisbane merch in Melbourne? Fuck you. No.

And because often city-based merch is like proof, quote-unquote, that you've been there. Yes, and you haven't fucking been there. You've just been to the Starbucks of another city's train station. So you don't get to like stamp your passport a bunch of times in one and you go, oh, this is a five-for-one trip. Look at all the places I've been. Oh, Tony, have you been to Miami?

No, but I have had a coffee in Texas. Well, that's not the same fucking thing. Yeah, so I just bought the coffee cup from somewhere else. No, I think that's very fair. I think we've discussed this before, but I think it's the same area. You know how it's cool and it is cool. Are we talking about the Aparole spritz stuff again? A little bit, yeah.

Yes, because I'm right there with you and I've got another example. A poster that's like, Posta Tano. Yep. A poster, it's like, Sicily. I'm like, you better have fucking been there. Yeah. You better have not have just gone online and bought them because it looks cool. Because if you haven't been there, you don't get to put that on your wall.

If you don't like Aparel spritzes, you don't get to put that on your t-shirt. The sardines. No. Yeah. I don't like sardines, so I'll not wear a sardine t-shirt. I actually will allow it if people want to do it. No. But I don't feel right doing it myself.

Like, I did not feel right wearing like a New York t-shirt. You know how that's kind of like, oh, you buy something from cotton on, but it says New York, fucking whatever. I never really felt right doing that. But now that I've been to New York, I'm like, this feels like it's fair game for me. I've been there. I've had some good times. People go, sweet shirt and you go, fuck yeah, I love New York because I've been.

Yeah. Yes. It's the same with wearing like a Yankee hat. I never felt right wearing one. So I bought one in New York in Times Square. I definitely bought a knockoff one. Paid full price, but it definitely isn't an... If it's in New York, it's not a knockoff.

No, it was at like a... If you're in the place, it's not a knockoff. You're right. Though it was a bad, like, merchandise. They didn't take a car day. souvenir. I don't think so. Yeah, cash only there.

And like, you know how the like official like baseball NFL stuff has like the holographic sticker on the inside? Yeah. That was just flat sticker. They're not a hologram inside. It's surprising they didn't have an NFL sticker considering it is a baseball team. Oh, yeah. No, but it's on the inside of all the sport merge.

You know what I mean? Oh, I'm trying my best. No one will get to say me. What is wrong? Have you guys fucking talked about this this morning before I got in or something? And you went, piss her off.

No. Oh, yeah. No. We have. First of all, you were in before me. That was awesome. Yeah.

Oh, so you guys were downstairs. Yeah, yeah. But no, I agree with you. The multi-city merch at the, it's not a where, Melbourne is not a fucking one-stop shop for you to say to you've been Australia. you know what I mean I'm on your side

I know and I want to yes Angie but that one has actually just because if you went to Melbourne you would have been back Let me change Let me change okay Melbourne is not a one stop shop

To say you've been to all of Australia So true Yeah So true Gold Coast Chapter Preach merch No

Merch is what I'm meant to say Bible What do you want from me? I totally love to see it. Oh, I've actually got a travel base. Do you love to see it? Great. This is from Tapa Lily, who sent this in Patreon.

And Lily said, I'm currently on Kentucky in Vietnam. And I make like little Tapa jokes here and there that no one ever understands. Like, saying chapter, saying you love to see it, you know, things like that. Oh, we need the horse photo. Somebody was talking about how it was raining and they go, oh, when's the rain going to let up? And Tapa Lily said, who the fuck is Lorraine at the exact same time as another girl on this random Kentucky in Vietnam? Get the fuck out. They both then screamed, oh my God, you're a Tapa.

Yes, and. And they both were. That's crazy. Lily says no one else had any idea what we were both talking about. But they're both tarppers and they both have tickets to the Sydney live show. Really? Yeah. So they met in fucking Vietnam.

They're both from Sydney and they're both coming to the live show. That's amazing. So amazing. We've got to get the marketing team on that Vietnam Sydney Gateway. Yeah. And that is, yeah. Huge opportunity. You would buy merch in both places.

That's all right. And they live close to each other in Sydney. But Lily said it's her first tarper in the wild. And that is. And what a way to do it. The wild. What a way to do it? Kintiki in Vietnam.

Are we past that? Probably past a Kintiki. Yeah. Charles, you don't have to nod so much. No, there's age limits. But like, is age limits too Kintiq? Oh, I thought he was nodding as if to say, we're all past that,

but you're nodding to say that us two are past that. He's saying us. Is there actually age limits? Yeah, 35. 35. 18 to 30. Okay, well, I'm fine then, Charles. Thank you very much.

And I'll get a fake on. D. I'm not 35, Charles. Do you turn 34 this year? Yeah. I'm going to say something. Yeah. Charles and I should go on a Kentucky.

You've got 14 months to Kentucky or forever hold your peace. Oh, that's a really good point. I don't know how I feel about the fact that you'd have to walk on and go, I'm 34 and nine months. But, I make the cut off I was under 35 when I booked it Nah

They make the rules and you're in it So you don't have to just I work in that yeah Yeah so We can go a lot Where do you want to go in Vietnam? You'd have to get I love Vietnam

I've been before Is Kintiki in Vietnam Like a different kind of Vietnam Experience though? Probably Because I just I always think Kintiki's just like Nightclub sleeping

Nightclub sleeping sleeping with each other. Yeah. Are you allowed to be married on Kintiki or do you like leave your ring at the door kind of thing? It's a bit like a throw your key in the bowl. Yeah, I'll pick that up when I leave again. Have you been on any Kintikis where people have been married? Not married.

There's couples and there's definitely been people come who are like in a relationship and then by the end they're not. Or no, like, I'm sort of in a relationship and I'm going to commit to that in about 14 days time. I'm not really sure. Sometimes it's got to go those last ones away. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

I wonder if Kintiki would be interested in advertising on half of the podcast. Half of us could do it. Well, it's actually very interesting you brought that up because I've got someone that wants to sponsor the other half of the podcast. And it's seniors life insurance. And it's Starbucks. Don't leave your family indebted to deal with your funeral. plan it out in advance and for a monthly fee

there'll be peace of mind for your family when the day has come go to seniors life insurance dot com. dot a u and use the code and rhyme

or ARP that is the funniest bit you've ever done you're on fire now your turn you got look in the barrel want to come to a Gendiki

yes put the code in norks for 10% off use hello 10 for $10 off. Any other ads? Anyone needs to get off?

Charles, you got anything you need to? No, but if Conti, you would like to sponsor very open to it. Yeah, I bet you would. They follow me on TikTok. Do they? What? That's crazy. Is that so they can track the father from wherever you went in after Italy?

That was so. That was sour quite. Not Kentucky. Different companies. I take everything back. Hey, mate, I'm trying to run a business here. Yeah. All right.

We'll chat to you tomorrow. Do you want to do what you love to say it? Did I not do one? No. Oh, I was just having so much fun with everyone else. Charles, my microphones, fuck. Sorry, I'll just hold this until we're done. Um, do I have a you love to see prepared?

Oh, yep. Uh, Christy Dinsdale. What would she sell? Bands. Like a baker? Barnes, like where animals live. Oh, Barnes. Bands.

We're like buns. No, that's puns. Yeah. Easy mistake to make. My husband and I were at Dan Murphy's the other day and the security guard... Darn Murphy's. What do they sell? Darns!

They sell a darn good Murphy. The security guard was checking IDs of the quiet, young-looking guys at the front of the store. Fair. Both of us, mid-30s. Can't go on a Kentucky if you know what I mean. So true. That's how I'm going to refer to everybody I meet from now on. Are they can'ticky age or not?

And you have to decide whether there's 17 or 36. There is reunion trips for 35 to 45. That is so sad. That is so depressing. That's post-divorce. I reckon that should be their angle. It is. Everyone.

must be divorced and wouldn't that just be depressing? No, the opposite because you've got all these new, all these newly single people who have probably not had

the best couple of years and they've just ready to let it off the chain. And want to travel? We've dropped us... Oh, think you've aged out of Kentucky not even close. We've dropped a stunning collection

of trips made just for 35 to 45 years. I think, dude, think about if you've been in a tough relationship for a year and a bit. Oh, yeah, no, you're absolutely right. And then you're like, I'm actually ready to turn one on. Yeah, and guess what? Everyone else here gets it because they're in the same boat as me. I reckon you're 1,000% right.

Oh, this one in Japan, I've been there. Greek Island hopping. Didn't know her name was Greek Island, but okay. Uganda, more like you slander. You gander at these titties. What happened to Dead Methods? I don't think it matters. No, Christy Dinsdale.

Hi, Christy. She was facing away from the security guard. And the security guard goes, oh, excuse me, you're going to have to. And then she turns around and he goes, oh, no, it's fine. Now, Christy could have taken this one of two ways. She could have been really offended, which she probably should have been. But instead, she goes, good to know I look young from the back. And that's all that matters.

And she's like, take the win. It's all right. Sears me. back on my head. I won't say the back of you anything on because you're not old enough to come on my Contiki Tour. I'll be coming on your Contiq Tour. The Divorce Cruise.

Wow. Divorcee Cruz. Not as grim as it sounds. Dvorcy. That's good. That is good. That's very good. Oh, you've had a tough time and you want to get back on the wagon.

Why don't you sail the divorcee? The sale the seven Cs Yeah Yeah Alright Haven't met any new semen in a while Need some new loads Sorry this is broken

Love you See ya I think I'm gonna start It's a really good idea Can I go on it? Not Divorce Yeah Just take your ring off Oh already ready

Already ready I lost it in The back of a taxi The other day And it's a privilege every time. It really is. Love you, bye.