Toni and Ryan - Ryan Jon Legend

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Ryan's new twin... you won't guess who it is!! Love ya! Toni xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Tony. We are Tony and Ryan and we are calling God's country. You must be talking about Perth. Scarborough Beach in Perth, Western Australia. We're calling JOM, not Jager O'Meara, James O'Malley. Who's Jager O'Meara? Plays for the Friendly Doctors. Oh, the doctor is in. Hello, James speaking. Oh my God, that was the fastest I've ever heard anyone answer a phone in my whole life. Oh, my God. I've had this ready to go. Well, put your pants back on and will you approve the podcast?

Oh, my God. A hundred percent. I will. Oh, I love that little noise. Hey, it's James from Perth, and I approve this podcast. You're supposed to hold me down. Now you're holding me back. And that's a sign of me not calling you back.

Why make out to be great? Tony doesn't know it yet, but the video show has started and everyone just got to hear her sing. You're welcome. Because coming up, we're about to talk about a DNA test, which may... Turns out I'm 100% that bitch. Even when I'm crying crazy, yeah, I got more problems

than you and even me. Sorry. Can you explain to us? Yeah. A question without warning. Who Chrissy Teigen is? Married to John Legend. Yep.

Not that people should be reduced to who they're married to. But I don't really know anything about Chrissy except for that. But she's sort of just one of those, she's just famous for being famous? I think she's got a cookbook and like, I think she was a model. Yeah, definitely. I think she's got a cookbook and I think she was a model. Yeah, definitely. And they very famously had difficulties falling pregnant. I believe that one of their children is IVF,

but then they ended up falling naturally pregnant. But we've all followed the journey. It feels like we've all been on this journey with Chrissy Teigen. Yeah, I feel like it's been a whole thing. She had a bit of a rollercoaster of it, hasn't she? Wow. She said, yeah. Look out. This is one bit of a rollercoaster of it, hasn't she? She said, yeah. Look out.

This is one of the great rollercoaster rides you'll go on. Chrissy Teigen has found a long-lost twin sister after doing a DNA test. Turns out she's 100%. That twin. Yeah. Okay. I called her a bitch. A twin?

Now I'm an asshole. Yep. She's a twin. There is no way. So I found my birth father and half brothers with an ancestry DNA test. So I have like a pretty vested interest. When I hear these stories, it really gets me. So I'm like, I need to know more about this long lost twin that Chrissy Teigen's found.

If you actually haven't watched Ryan's YouTube story and like you kind of go through and talk about like meeting your family and whether you're ready and you got like there's a whole series about it on our YouTube, Tony and Ryan, and it's like a really, it's beautiful, honestly, and it's like very, it's like hard to watch at times because it's like super emotional and whatever. Like I knew about that long before I'd ever met you or known you on Instagram, like when we chatted on Instagram and stuff, like long before any of that. So when I see one of these stories, I'm like.

You're in. You're all in. Tell me everything. Have you got a seatbelt on? Cammy, you strapped. Fucking get ready for a wild ride here, folks. Do you want to swaddle me like a baby? I've done enough swaddling for a lifetime in the last two days, but yes.

I haven't even seen about this. I told you the other day I'm not good with pop culture. So Chrissy does the test, finds the twin, and understandably freaks the fuck out. She'd be in her 40s. Oh, I have not. Yeah, I guess so. She'd be alive long enough to have.

Yeah, she's got a whole life, you know. And so she's online and she says, I think this is why I'm always codependent because, like, my twin was ripped away from me, as I read the quote. I always felt something was missing. Maybe this is why I have addiction issues, but I've always just, like, felt. And she's like, it kind of, when she finds out, it's like, it kind of all makes sense now. This is like Parent Trap. Is it? Have you seen Parent Trap. Is it?

Have you seen Parent Trap? No, I should have though. Is that with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan? No, that's Freaky Friday. Is that not the same? No, so Lindsay Lohan plays both twins. Shocking. You kind of think there's two of them.

It's so freaky. Yeah. Not Freaky Friday. Parent Trap. But their parents split up and they're twins. Each parent takes one each, but they don't know about each other. Cool. Then they meet at camp and they go, oh, we kind of look similar.

And then they're like, oh, we kind of like the same stuff. And then they're like, oh, I've never met my mum. And she's like, oh, well, I've never met my dad. And they're like, oh, I've got a photo of them if you want to see. And the photo is actually like. Ripped in half. How poetic. Yeah.

With one of them, Chrissy Teigen. It's such a fucking amazing movie. Really? Like one of my favourite movies, yeah. Actually, my best friend's Jag and Lane, when they got married, they used a lot of music from The Parent Trap. There's a very famous bottle of wine in the movie The Parent Trap and I bought them that bottle of wine for a wedding gift.

That is very nice. Thank you. It's very nice. So Chrissy Teigen calls her dad. So, yeah. Yeah, fucking explain yourself. And she said, I don't know where the mum is. I'm guessing she's no longer with us.

But she's like, Dad. What happened? These are the questions she asks. Were you 100% truthfully actually at the birth? Did you physically see me come out of the vagina? And was there two of me? Yeah. This is what she said to the dad.

God, you just be fucking, I can't even imagine. Yeah, sorry. So dad says, I was 100% there. I saw you come out. There's only one of you. What? But then how does that explain the DNA result? Where's the twin?

How does the twin come into it? So Chrissy's like, well, I'm still sus. And then Chrissy kind of goes, maybe dad's in on it. Twinspiracy. Twinspiracy. And everyone's like, oh, it's a twinspiracy. So she calls her sister that she's living with, not her twin, obviously, because she just doesn't know where the fuck. Do we know that she's not the twin?

Yeah, yeah. So this must be an older sibling or something who she's grown up with as her sibling and she's sort of gone like, I've done this DNA test. Turns out I'm 100% that twin. And goes, I need you. Sorry, this is like a really serious story. Yep. I need you to be honest with me, sister.

Is there another sister? Sister, like she's a nun? Yeah. Sister, you need to be honest. You must foremost be honest with me. What's the deal? Dad reckons nah, but this deal. Like if dad's telling the truth, then why is it like,

and so with my half brothers and stuff, right? Yep. You never like 100% that bitch. You're like pretty close. But there's always like little differences. So to be a twin, it's not like because, you know, maybe a brother and a cousin DNA, mine might be 85, mine might be 90. To get 100 or right up there, you're like, well, it has to be a twin.

It's not like, oh, what a coincidence. We're exact. Like it's very, very rare. Yeah. So she goes to the sister, just fucking give it to me straight. Dad's not like, oh, what a coincidence. It's very, very rare. Yeah. So she goes to the sister, just fucking give it to me straight. Dad's in on it. Do you know anything? What do you know?

And the sister goes, wow. Like that breath of like, it's fine. You know that feeling of like, it's time. It's time. Like has that kind of like, are you ready for me to tell you? Like it's almost like I've been waiting for this question. Oh, my God. Yeah.

What the fuck? Yeah. And so. I'm literally about to start crying. What is going on? So the sister goes, all right. She's like, well, if not my twin, how is there a 100% match walking around? And the sister goes, you know how you auditioned to be on that TV show called Finding Your Roots?

And we all did those DNA tests under fake names because we're well known in the public eye. And Chrissy's like, yeah. She goes, yeah, so that 100%, that bitch is actually just you. She goes, yeah, so that 100%, that bitch is actually just you. She's like, it's 100%. Yeah, of course it's 100%. It's you. Because it's you. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, I feel really fucked around by that. And then Chrissy goes, yeah, but we never finished filming the show. And she goes, yeah, but you did the test. She goes, yeah, but the show didn't screen. So where did the DNA, why did the DNA test that she did under the fake name, why did that get like published or like kept? Well, the whole point of like Ancestry.com and 23andMe is like it's in the system.

Oh, okay. So that's because I was like, oh, if it was just like something you did for a show, why did that get put into rotation? You know what I mean? Yeah, the whole point of Ancestry is like- That it saves- Some place. Yeah.

And then because you can find all the matches and the whatever. So she's hit dad up and gone, dad, you're a lying bastard. Did you see me come out of the vagina, dad? You lying asshole. So was she kind of documenting this on her Twitter as it was kind of happening or her Instagram, whatever? Let me read the quote again. Hang on.

No, no, no. So she's kind of like everything she learned, she went, oh, my God, update on the twin thing. She's done a video, I think, towards the end of the journey. Right, okay. But let me just reread this quote. This is why I'm codependent. I've always known that twin was ripped away from me.

I've always felt something was missing. I knew she was out there the whole time, and this is why I have addiction issues. I mean, addiction issues are awful, and I don't want to make light of those, but the fact that she, in inverted commas, knew the twin was out there. Well, I think that, like, she's wearing her – she's worn her heart on her sleeve there. Like, she's put herself out there. Well, I think that, like, she's wearing her – she's worn her heart on her sleeve there. Like, she's put herself out there.

And I think that's very – She's called her dad a liar. That's very honourable to be that vulnerable, I think. Like, because I would never be that vulnerable ever, even in my personal life, let alone to the thousands, millions of people that would follow her on Instagram. 42 million followers. Yeah.

Like, that's a lot of people that are kind of watching your journey. So to be able to be that vulnerable I think is like really that's awesome, but fuck, you'd feel like a tit, wouldn't you? Yeah. Like you would feel like such a doofus. Yeah. Do you know what I was thinking? Does she call her dad back?

Yeah, and go, oh, dad, don't worry about mum's vagina. Turns out you were right. Sorry I called you a liar. Yeah, may she rest in peace. Like, I don't know, like, do you know what I was thinking was going to happen? Was that, like, the twin. That's what happens when I was adopted. She's your mum.

Chrissy Teigen. She's your birth mother. No, that the twin was, like, making money is like a Chrissy Teigen lookalike. Is what I thought you were going to say. Some dudes on OnlyFans? Missy Schmiegan? She looks just like her. Or like going and doing birthday parties and stuff.

I don't know. Doing a Vegas show. Yeah. Not a residency, but like a, you know, singing at the casino floor. Yeah. It's like, oh, come see Chrissy Teigen live. Like 100% match. So it's pretty good. I've got the result. Chrissy Teigen's like, oh, come see Chrissy Teigen live, like 100% match, so it's pretty good, you know.

It's pretty good. I've got the result. Chrissy Teigen's like, that's where all that stuff came from. Like, yeah, I don't know. That's what I thought you were going to say. Hey, it's James calling from Perth, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Leah Dorfer.

Love to see it, Leah. Thank you. Lauren B. Tom Ruffalo. Darcy Lily Vlogs. Oh, Darcy Lily Vlogs. Darcy. They? Darcy. With an IE. So I think it might be a she, Darcy Lily Vlogs. Oh, Darcy Lily Vlogs. Darcy. They?

Darcy with an IE. So I think it might be a she, Darcy. Bianca Smith and Lorna Page. Thank you very much. Thank you. Also, yeah, sorry. I was like, what am I trying to say? Also, all of the Patreon names get to float across the bottom of a video show.

So you might have seen your name pop up if you're not a champion type or even if you are, all of them pop up there. I am currently talking with the technical team and there may possibly be names of Patreons in the 50-hour livestream. You have to be confirmed. That would be good. But that's a good. That would be very good.

And there's also chats of a countdown timer. I think that that's like necessary. Yeah. I will be calling Franco personally and saying, Franco, if that's not on there, that's fucking a bit pointless. Yep. Yep. I'll call him now.

No, I won't call him now. Yeah. I won't call him now. Well, he's editing this episode, so just tell him down the barrel. Franco, we need the countdown timer. But if you are part of the Patreon at the moment, you will be able to see our 50-hour marathon. If it goes ahead, we need 3,000 Patreons.

We haven't hit 3,000 yet. We're up there. Lots of people sign up. Lots of people are signing up. We're still not free, but we're almost there. I'm saying we're almost there and I kind of know we're going to get there. Oh, I'm not. I really want to do it.

I don't want to go too far. I don't want to get 4,000. And then we'll be there for three weeks. We can't be pushing the boat right out. Yeah. You know? But very exciting. So I really want to do it.

The personal challenge, I said this yesterday, I think that the personal challenge of doing it and, like, beating it feels like that I want to do it for that reason, but also I'm really scared. So I'm kind of like I've got a foot in either camp. You have heaps of people. A foot in either camp? Yeah. heaps of people. A foot in either camp? Yeah.

A foot on, is that right? A foot in either camp or like one foot in the door one? As Tony contemplates that. What's that saying? Did I say the right thing? If we get 3,100, we'll probably beat Jason PJ's 56 if we survive. We beat the world record though. We'll have to Google what that is.

Anyway, I've got a gripe. A gripe? I've got a gripe. A gripe and a half, mind you. And I think that this is something that will either, you know how some things, right, are super polarising and you love it or you hate it? I reckon people either hate this or don't care.

So no one loves it? I don't think so. They either hate it or are impartial. Exactly right. Like I don't think, I think it's one of those things where like you either feel very strongly about it or you feel nothing. The people who feel strongly, are, you either feel very strongly about it or you feel nothing.

The people who feel strongly, are they still either for or against? No, you either hate it or you've never really thought about it. Then how does it exist? Tell me what it is. What do you mean? Okay, say if it's a product for sale. Yeah. And you're like, people either hate this or they don't give a fuck. I'm like, well, someone's got to love it because they're making it. But it's not a product. That's where I'm confused. It's a product for sale. Yeah. And you're like, people either hate this or they don't give a fuck. I'm like, well, someone's got to love it because they're making it.

But it's not a product. That's where I'm confused. It's a concept. Ooh, shit. Yeah. It's not tangible. Do we need Hayley Joel Osmond? Is this like a sixth sense?

AI? Oh. It's going to be AI. I am so glad that people will get to see your face, Jason. I am such a fuckhead. But your face was actually amazing. The movie AI. Yeah, that's also a good example.

Fuck, I'm crying. Let me just sit my ass down. The movie AI. Yeah, that's also a good example. Fuck, I'm crying. Let me just sit my ass down. The movie AI. So not what we were just discussing. But also the sixth sense doesn't really make sense either. Well, it's like a concept. Like it's not a physical thing. It's like a.

Well, what's the sixth? I haven't seen it. Spoiler? Is this a spoiler? But that's not a concept. A dead person's not a. My mother's not a concept. A dead person's not a concept. So seeing dead people, a – my mother's not a concept. A dead person's not a concept.

No, seeing dead people, there's the concept of being able to see dead people. Like John Edward. Crossing over. Yeah. Oh, sucker. I've never – Was your mum – I'm picking something up. Was she a female?

I would really like to see a medium. Would you? I would love to see Jackie Gillies from Real Housewives of Melbourne. We can make that happen. No, she doesn't do readings anymore. She will. She'll come out of retirement for you. I would absolutely love it.

She is a medium that I would love to go and see. I love the way that she does it. Yeah, I would love a reading from her. But I've had lots of people that I love die fairly recently. Like I've lost two really close friends and like not that I would love to see them but like I'd really want it to be my mum you know do you know what I like not that I wouldn't absolutely like I would be beside myself either way but don't you feel like you'd be a bit like because you hear these stories about people that

go in and go like oh I've recently lost my mum, like love to talk to her. And then it's like an old grandad or something and you go, well, grandad, Poppy, it's great to see you, babe, but like I actually came here because I need to ask like how to put bleach on my jeans or something. You know, like, yeah, is mum home? Yeah, is mum there? I'm on the phone.

So I'm Natalie Imbruglia about these types of people because we used to have this guy in like Bumbry, when we did Breakfast Radio, come in every couple of weeks and, like, you know, do a thing with someone who listened to the show. Oh, yeah. A medium or, like, a psychic or because they're all different. I couldn't tell you. But he was great.

He was a lovely guy. So a medium is supposed to connect you with, like, people who have passed away. Yeah. Whereas a psychic is more future. No, he was with people who'd passed away. Okay. yeah. And sometimes with someone who hasn't been around it much,

you're a bit sceptical. It's like a natural thing to be sceptical. I think so. But then you see him do his work and I went, oh, you know what? My scepticism, it's not actually about me. If this person's getting something out of it, maybe I'll just shut the fuck up and let you have your moment. That's how I feel about it as well.

I think it's like I understand that people are like, oh, I don't believe in it. But, like, if that makes someone feel better who has lost someone, then who am I to? Exactly. I don't agree when you hear about, like, people like that that take advantage. Yeah.

Yeah. Your mum just said, I really hope you invest in crypto. Yeah, I see you giving me a lot of money in your future. Like that's not okay. I see you being crypto wealthy but only if you use perthcryptobrokers.com. Yeah. That's just what your mum says. Not an ad, not an ad, not an ad, not an ad.

That's just what your mum says. Now you obviously don't, you can go against your mum if you hate her. Yeah, sorry, but it says that if you love her, you'll do it. Yeah. That's weird. She's like, yeah, she's pretty. But up to you, though. Yeah, okay, that's $600.

Yeah. My mum always used to make this joke because in Perth there would be, like, every, like, twice a year biannual there would be, like, a psychics fair at the. Is biannual twice a year or every second year? It can mean both. I just... So when someone goes

bi-weekly, I go, yeah, like a fortnight. I thought that it could be either. But then what's the... Producer Cam? Yeah, it can be both. That's annoying. But yeah, it's so annoying. I'm not disputing that it could be either. It's like Cam in the bedroom. It could be either. It's not annoying. Like, I'm not disputing that could be either. It's like Cam in the bedroom. But, like, just pick one. Can be either. Oh, it's a verse.

Christmas, yeah. Ally. See, I told you we were allies. There you go. Allies. We've done the minimum amount for the gay community. Okay. Basically.

Cam, if you want to come to my place bi-weekly, you can. Bi-annually. Bi-annually. Yeah, that could be twice a year or once every two years. Cam comes around and my wife's there. I am bi-annually. Bi-annually. Yeah, that could be twice a year or once every two years. Cam comes around to my wife's there. I am bi-annually. Bi-annually. My mum used to always do this joke that psychic fair was on and you'd hear the ads on the radio and she'd go,

well, if there's psychics, why are their ads on the radio? Surely they'll know what's on. And you can see where I got my humour from. No, that's fine. I rate that gear. I rate that gear. Anyway. Yeah, so something I hate.

Psychics. No. John Edwards, your mother. No, no, no. Crypto, crypto. Crypto, crypto. Crypto, Perth Hustle. Do you know what I fucking hate? Having a conversation on more than one platform.

I know that you hate this. I hate it. And I exploit and love that you hate it. One time, remember for LOLs, I messaged you on five different things. I emailed you, DMed you, Facebook messaged you and five different things i emailed you dm'd you facebook message you and text you about the same conversation and tony had a fucking meltdown literally it's like my brain gets split in six and i just can't deal with any of them yeah i hate it so and do you now understand what i mean that i reckon you either hate this thing or you don't give a fuck yeah

because i think like i've, have you seen the meme? And it's like, oh, when you're talking about dinner plans via text, like a celebrity breakup on Instagram, but you've fucking like having a deep and meaningful over Facebook messenger. So. And that all three can be happening at the same time. No. But here's the thing.

And so I was just about to ask about that. If we were having the same. So when I messaged you for lols and five different things, it was about the same conversation. Yeah. That was fucking hectic and I regret it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you. However, I do kind of get the like, yeah,

we're texting links to rental properties. Yep. But we're DMing about this fucking scandal on Instagram. Yep. And simultaneously emailing each other about work stuff. And being like, yep, I'll be there at 6pm or whatever. This is the same as me separating the meals in the stir fry. Yep.

I want to know where my chicken is. I want to know where my veggies are. I want to know where the rice is at. And I don't like to mix them. I get that. So then we'll just... Compartmentalise each thing. The thing is, is that I get the work one, I think via email,

is different and I'll allow that. Okay. Oh, Tony will allow it. But I don't like it when I'm like, okay, so I just. I'm stressed for you. It's happened to me a couple of times recently and I just. No, you guys don't really do it. We do have a separate Instagram group chat for sending like a reel

that we think is funny or whatever. When Tony sends a meme saying, I think I'm an introverted extrovert. Yeah, and I go, oh, my God, guys, this is so mean. Neither of you replied. That's okay. The non-reply was our reply. Oh. What were you implying?

I just thought maybe you were at your introverted side that night. Oh, so you were doing me a favour. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, like. So, I'm actually just, like, so panicked. I hate it so much.

I actually can't. I'll DM you about it instead. Do we need to do just a brief like a grounding and a taking a breath? Okay, Tony, I want you to push your feet into the ground and then I want you to take a breath in and then when you let the breath out, make it feel like it's falling down your back like a cape. You are superwoman. Oh, no, I fucked that up.

It's round the other way. All right. I'm okay. Okay. That was a lovely grounding exercise. I fucked that up. It's around the other way. All right. I'm okay. Okay. That was a lovely grounding exercise. I really liked that. So the thing that annoys me is that when someone then, like, sends you a meme on Instagram and then starts a regular conversation,

you know what I mean? Like, say if I put up a- Instagram is for the memes, but now you're doing text stuff in the gram so i don't know if it's because instagram for me is work so when like my friends or people that i would have like an actual conversation with i message me on instagram i'm like oh i don't check it must be hard being a celebrity no no no it's more like i don't i don't have instagram notifications on no yeah no like so you more like I don't have Instagram notifications on. No, yeah, no. So you know how if you get a DM on your Instagram,

you can have notifications on for that? I don't have that. So if someone messages me on Instagram and then kind of goes, oh, how have you been? I'm like, can you message me on Facebook Messenger or text me this part of the conversation? Because, like, I feel like that's more time-pressing. And I actually, I'm not going to see it. And so the other day, so I've had a little bit of an injury in my neck

and my PT, Maddie, has been, like, checking in with me all the time. Is that the same one as your back or is it separate? Oh, yeah, so it's just, like, just below my neck, like into the top of my back. So you'd say it's your neck, your back. My pussy and my crack. Anyway, so because of that, like Matty has been checking in with me heaps. So every day he kind of says like, oh, like how's the neck feeling?

Is Matty Boland related to Scott Boland? I don't know. Fuck, what a family. What about Steve Boland? Hard to say. Yeah, all three of them. 100% match, I don't know. Fuck, what a family. What about Steve Boland? Hard to say. Yeah, all three of them. 100% match on the twins. Anyway, so he's like checking in with me.

Then the other day I like posted an Instagram story and then he like reacted to that and I like either liked his message or said like ha-ha or like lol, how good is it or Sammy. Then he goes, how's the net going? I go, oh, no, no, no, no. This is text conversation. Yeah, yeah, no. And then I actually.

Text conversation. This is a hot dog medical talk. And then I actually said, I hate talking on Instagram. I'm going to text you. And then he called you. No, and then I text him. And then I checked Instagram later and he'd messaged me. And I was like, oh, what's that?

And he goes, oh, do you? I'm not going to fucking reply to that, am I? Because we're already talking elsewhere now. The other day my sister, she tagged me in an Instagram story and I replied to it and I was like, oh, my God, so good. It was a picture of her holding my book and she was like, oh, like just saw it in a shop kind of thing, like so cool. Cute as.

And I replied and I was like, oh, my God, so sweet. And then she messages me inside fucking Instagram. And I know she listens. She messaged me on Instagram and she goes, what are you guys up to for the long weekend? Which sister was this? My sister in Darwin. So she goes, what are you guys? Sister in Darwin.

Uh-huh. You're better than this. Libby. Libby. So she goes, what are you guys up to for the long weekend? And I'm like, oh, I don't want to have this conversation here. But I didn't feel like I wanted to be like, oh, can you actually message me anything?

Anyway, so then we end up having like a massive conversation on Instagram, but then she's messaging me in Messenger as well because that's where we normally message. And she also, she's texting me as well. What the fuck is she? She just messages and I just need it to be kept. Is it all on the same shit? Yeah, it's, sorry.

Tony's just banged the desk and the headphones have fallen off. I just, I can't keep track of them and I just get so stressed that I'm going, and then there's the other flip of like, you're having the DNM on Instagram but you're talking about fucking memes on Twitter and you're fucking whatever. Even that, I'm like, hang on. So I've got 600 different modes going on and I'm talking to Ryan in all of them, but all of them are different things.

And I'm just like, it's actually, it needs to stop. And I think it's an epidemic because I just, why don't people know that that's not okay? Can you turn around and read the title of that book on that piece of paper? What's it say? It says, I don't need therapy. That's my book. I wrote it.

Okay. Imagine hypothetically you walk into a therapist and you say this. All these people are talking to me from all these different angles. Yeah. And I can't keep up. Yeah. Are you Haley Jorleson? Yes.

It's the up. Yeah. Are you Haley Jorles? Yes. It's the voices. Yeah. I feel like this is the extension of having like, you know how, you know that old cliche of the angel and the devil on the shoulders? Yeah, like your inside voice. You've got all these people like chirping away at you from all these different angles. How do you get a breath?

It's like you're being followed on your phone. It's actually, but like I know that it sounds really silly, but surely people agree with me on this, that, like, it's overwhelming. Yeah. And it just makes me so angry because I'm like, hang on, I can't fucking, I can't follow it. Torbs and I went through a phase for a while where sometimes we would talk on Messenger, sometimes we would text,

and I was like, can we just keep it all in one place? Because otherwise then if I go, oh, he sent me the address to that place on the other day, I'll find it. And then I can't find it in the messages. I'm like, oh, it must be, you know. Oh, I do that with you guys. Yeah, because you use like. Was that in the group chat or the WhatsApp?

Because you use like eight different email addresses as well. Yeah. So you go, oh, Tony, I sent you that the other day. And then you go, oh, what email did I send that from? And I go, bro, I don't know. They all just come up to me as Ryan John. I don't see like what – you know what I mean? I just find – like I don't know.

I don't have an answer, but I do have a question. And I would like for people to maybe just tell me what – how do I streamline that? Is it just a matter of actually being like, can you not message me elsewhere? Or like, you know when you make a friend on Instagram and you start kind of chatting backwards and forwards? When is it, yeah, but we've met in person. When is an appropriate time for me to go, can you text me instead?

I think if you sent a text and it was like, hey, I'm getting a bit bombarded on the gram, text me anytime you want. I'm more likely to reply to it. Do you think that's fine? Absolutely. So my friend Rachel Sarah, right, the artist, hey, I'm getting a bit bombarded on the gram. Text me any time you want. I'm more likely to reply to you. Do you think that's fine? Absolutely. So my friend Rachel Sarah, right, the artist, Sarah, your friend. Yeah, my friend Sarah. Sarah's art is in my daughter's bedroom.

It is beautiful as well. It looks amazing in there. We talk all the time. Really? Like pretty much all day every day. You guys ganged up on me on Instagram the other day and I didn't like it. What was it about? She goes, I thought I was going to study an MBA,

but instead of spending $36,000, I bought this one book instead. And I was like, well, I guess I'm going to fuck myself then. Right, eh? But, like, we talk, not like all day, every day, but every day we'll chat a couple of times through the day. Do you think that now I can be like, can we? And, you know, she's got, and I know that she listens as well. I'm fucking really selling out on my girlfriends.

You're going to go, can you just text me? And she'll be like, oh, coming on a bit. I don't think we're ready. Because what if she, and then I'm like, fuck, she's got two Instagrams. So she has her professional Instagram. And her drug deal. And she has like a Finsta for like her friends and family. Oh. Like

yeah. Would you consider that a burner account? No but it's not a burner account. She uses it a lot. Sorry I'm watching Breaking Bad at the moment so I'm just like. Yeah yeah yeah. No it's not a burner it's like. Sounds like a burner. It's literally I think that's so that she can like post garbage stuff. Yeah. Without like it being like on her professional one. Yeah. But anyway

and so sometimes if I reply to her story, because I just see her. I think you're coming on a bit strong. No, because if I just see her, I go, oh, I'll reply to that. And then I realise we've got two conversations happening on Instagram. You're the person doing this to her. No, because I'm like, I'm just replying.

And then you're trying to introduce a third. I just think that if we didn't speak on Instagram and we moved it to like Facebook Messenger or iMessage, I just think that that would be better for our relationship. And then if I liked or replied to a story or whatever, that's like a separate conversation but like I'll allow it because it's happening inside. Like that's that app specific.

Do you get what I mean? Do you reckon you could survive a week without your phone? Yes, 100%. The only thing that I would need is to know the you reckon you could survive a week without your phone? Yes, 100%. The only thing that I would need, need, is to know the time and I could wear a watch. Oh, I thought you were going to say Pippa and KFC. Oh, you're them too. I watch to know the time and Pippa.

Okay. But, yeah, I think I'd actually be fine without my phone. I am just like I use it for work, though, would be the only thing. That's right, I'll figure it out. But, like, yeah, I think I'd be fine with that. I'd actually think that I would enjoy it. Yeah. Like, I went to a day spa the other week and it was, like,

the whole day your phone's, like, in your locker. And I was like, the sky is blue. Do you guys know? I asked you this when you bought the stand-up paddleboard. Yeah. And I asked you when you bought the Audi and I asked you when you bought the two treadmills. Yeah.

Can you borrow it? No. My phone. That's how we can ask. Are you having a midlife crisis? I don't think I'm having a midlife crisis. Well, this is a crisis, but I feel the stress. I just think that people are just coming at me from all angles and don't understand that

I just want it to be streamlined. A bukkake of messages. Do you understand what I mean? I do. I actually do. It's really annoying, eh? Because. I'm so available.

I'm actually like too available. I need to be less available. Okay. I 100% get it. Thank you. Because I feel like... I appreciate that. It is... Don't want to put words in your mouth. But does it feel like

you've got a to-do list that just keeps adding to itself exactly and then i'm like oh fuck hang on they messaged me on instagram and then if i post a story all my messages get pushed down because if people reply or like stuff whatever all my messages get pushed down and i just don't see them so and so i feel like for instagram instagram is a place where i'll reply to like lots of people that follow me and I try and reply to as many messages as possible. But like it would be great if like friends and family message me, like iMessage or Instagram. How many text messages do I have unread there on my phone?

321. So how many have you got? 223. You're catching me. You're catching me. So when – They just get pushed down. I've had some really good friends or people who have been like good friends

at different moments in my life send me some really beautiful messages with the birth of Mabel and I haven't replied because by the time I go, oh, I'll reply to that later and then someone else will text. And if there's one thing keeping me up at night, it's me going, fuck, I haven't messaged them back. And they sent a really lovely note. And the least I could do. Is just say thanks, hope you're well.

Yeah. I'll do that for you for $40 an hour. I'll reply to those text messages for you. Will you? Yep. And I'll go, thank you so much. Hope you're doing well, mate. XX Ryan and Bridge.

I'll do that for you. $40 a message, actually, not an hour. Oh, it's just about the shake of an hour. $40 a message, actually, not an hour. Oh, it's just about the shake of an hour. $40 a message is pretty good still. No, it's not. You're trying to buy a second outing. For me, yeah. Good for me.

Or are you going to use that $40 an hour you earn from me to hire a VA in the Philippines for $7 an hour to do your ones? No. But I could get paid to do yours. Yeah, then you use that money. And then I don't have to do mine at all. Why not? I was working.

I was doing your admin. I was too busy. I think people will be with you on that. You'll love to see it. It's from Ali Rose, who's a tarper. Hi, Ali. And not only is she a tarper, but like us, or what we're trying to become, which is not going that well for us yet,

she's a points guy. And she has got a hack for all of us. What is it? Ali has been buying Woolies gift cards. So when you buy a $100 voucher to Woolies, you get the $100 worth of points. Yup. And then she

uses the own voucher to buy her shopping, and then when she buys the shopping, she gets the points again. Because you can scan your... Oh, that's good. So she's getting double points. Double points. And this is on groceries and stuff she's going to be buying anyway. Then doing this weekly, time and time again,

she's got enough points to pay for plane flights, and she's seeing her family she hasn't seen since pre-COVID purely on the results of this hack. That is bloody good. You do love to see that. Because Woolworths Rewards cards can turn into frequent flyer points. Yeah. But I think they might be phasing that out.

Well, they should be because Ali's hacking the system. I'm pretty sure that they're stopping. I hope they don't phase it out when she's, like, in Paris and she's like, how are you going to get home? They've cancelled the program. Yeah, they've cancelled the program, so all your points have been revoked. Oh, did you see the Virgin's points thing this week?

Nah. Yeah, so they basically had this like pop-up store online and physical like in Chapel Street and it's like, oh, for one velocity point and you can buy stuff like it was for a point. And so everyone's gone, oh, how great is this? I'm going to get my toaster or my blender or book something for a point. And then the whole system's crashed and it's gone under. And they're like, oh, who could have seen that coming? You were basically giving stuff away for free.

Oh, yeah. Who would have thunk it? Yeah. And then the website crashed and they're like, oh, well, people are trying to take advantage of all this. And I was like, yeah, no, you put the sale on. They were just cashing in. Don't blame them.

Victim blame. Yeah. Imagine being like, oh, come and buy stuff. Oh in. Don't blame them. Victim blame. Yeah, imagine being like, oh, come and buy stuff. Oh, what? It went well. Oh, no. Yeah. The system's crashed. What the fuck?

They regretted it and they're like, they're wheeling it back. I mean, it is a shame. Do you reckon, this is something that really fucks me up, that every year in Australia with the census, the site crashes. They go, every single person in Australia needs to log on at 6pm. Oh, the website can't handle fucking 20 million people on the same fucking website at once. What a fucking shocker.

What a surprise. Are you serious? Every single person in Australia logging on at the same time wasn't a good fucking idea. And then they go, oh, now you've got a week to complete it. Well, if you had a fucking week in the beginning... That would have been fucking handy. Another one.

Isn't that revolting? Does the government need to do a census? Are they not aware of how many people live here? I actually like the idea of the census, and I'll tell you for why. Because they do actually use that information to make sure that if there's a lot of a certain religion in one area, like they build an extra church and all that stuff. Like, it is very valuable. Don't they rock up to the church on a sunday and go fuck pretty full i think it's really valuable

however i don't think that like between 6 p.m on thursday and 6 p.m the following thursday i would have moved no and even if i did maybe that's okay do i do it from the new address probably because that's where I need the new church. I just don't think that a week is going to make that much of a difference compared to everyone doing it at the same time and the fucking infrastructure not being sound enough for us to actually all participate. You know how I can feel the pain of this?

That was amazing for me, actually. I've tried to order a pizza on State of Origin night and every single household in New South Wales and Queensland at 6.30 on a Wednesday goes... Domino's? Yeah. Yeah. And then you go to the Domino's website and you go, why is this chocolate tonight?

Oh, three hours till it's fucking going to be ready. Oh, maybe every fucking hour. Yeah. It's like Uber Eats on grand final day. I live in Richmond. Yeah. So everyone's like, if you're not at the game, you fucking hold up at home. Let's get some burgers, wings, pizza, put the game on.

Like, you know. Why is it slow today? Yeah. Oh, God. 80 minutes for a fucking bottle of milk from McColl's across the road. Probably fucking get off my house and go over there. I could probably walk there. Yeah.

It's across the street. Probably fine. Yeah. What's your, you love to see it? I actually have a recommendation of a great new TV show I've been watching on Amazon called Inverlock. Deadlock. Not Inverlock.

I fucking do that every single time I talk about this show. Is it good? Because so many people, actually not so many people, my mum multiple times. Oh, your mum would like this show. Yeah. It's phenomenal. Yeah. It is.

So it's written by. The Cates. The Cates. Yep. So two Australian women, but it's like an all-Australian cast. And it's like really well-written female characters, which you don't get a lot. But the show is fantastic.

And Nina Oyama, who I just absolutely fucking adore. I think she's so fucking great. She was awesome on Taskmaster. She's fucking fantastic. She's in it and her character is just she's so fucking great. She was awesome on Taskmaster. She just, she fucking fantastic. She's in it and her character is just great. Yeah, great. Like, honestly, she's fucking so good. The whole show is awesome.

Is it a comedy? It's like a dark comedy, I would say. So basically, you kind of are following, like, a police team who are, like, investigating a murder. And so it's like dark comedy of them kind of, like, getting to know each other and, like, investigating a murder. And so it's, like, dark comedy of them kind of, like, getting to know each other and, like, fumbling shit and whatever. But it's, like, it's serious and there is, like, elements of, like, real, like, dark kind of edgy stuff.

But it's, like, it's funny. It's really well written. It's so good. It's on Amazon. I assume worldwide. Maybe it's only, I don't know. Amazon's usually, if it's on, it's on. It's on, it's on.

Yeah. But either way, Deadlock on Amazon, it's on. It's on, it's on, yeah. But either way, Deadlock on Amazon is fucking so good. You'll love it. There's a hot recommendation for the weekend. Yeah, it is. Lock it in. Well, yeah, I think that we probably, we really went off topic. I'd say that quite a bit of today's episode will be cut. So whatever you ended up saying, good for you. Yeah, so

no idea, no way of knowing what you've actually seen today. Who's to say? Thank you very much for listening though. Yeah, so no idea, no way of knowing what you've actually seen today. Who's to say? Thank you very much for listening, though. Sorry, I've just got to make a quick call. Which might make sense if he didn't make the cut. Anyway, love you. See you on Monday.

Love you, bye.