Toni and Ryan - Ryan Shaved His Beard

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

No beard Ryan - Sex in the elevator - Hot food hot take - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know how I said a girl trying to fuck me in an elevator yesterday? And I don't know if it's like mustache related or just like at the jaw. Do you think you've got just... I'd never met this person before and I was like, what the fuck is about to happen? Hi, I'm Ben and this is Pinto. We're from Chicago, USA. Hi, I'm Rachel from regional Western Australia. Hi, I'm Natalie from Brisbane, Australia.

And we approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. New week. Happy Monday. Tony Lodge, best-selling detective author. Sorry, Tony's just told me something crazy and I'm rattled. Yeah. A well-known Australian personality.

Person. Person, yeah. Who's verified on Instagram has, like, followed and unfollowed, then refollowed, then unfollowed Tony on Instagram heaps of times. And then what they might not realize is because they're verified. Every time they re-follow, it goes to the top of Tony's notifications. Like, make it more obvious that you've unfollowed me. Oh, yeah.

I can see it because I don't get the notification of the unfollow. Yeah. Or like I don't, you can't track that or whatever. But like when she, every time this person refollow me, I go, well, it's happened again. So even though it's like, oh, I've got a follow it. You're basically being told, oh, so over the last month or so, you've at once I decided to not follow me. You've unfollowed. And because some, like, you know, if you're going for a cheeky stalk, you might accidentally hit it and then go, oh shit, like a better refollow or something.

If I was stalking it accidentally hit, I think you did, because of this reason. You've got to just dip out. Yeah, yeah. But no, this person continues to unfollow and refollow me. But I don't really know why. I've met them before. I don't really know them though. Can I tell you something kind of embarrassing?

Only if it doesn't out the person I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. It's not about her. Then. I met this girl last year. Yeah. And, like, for the first time in person. Legal Lil.

And then, because we had like lots of mutual work friends, colleagues, right? Sure. Okay. So half an hour after I met her, I'm leaving the event and someone from the event has posted a photo of the event with all the people. They're all tagged in it. Totally. Yeah.

So I've clicked on her profile and followed her. Because you were all together. Yeah, but this is what's happened in my mind. I've met this girl. And within half an hour, she's like, oh, he's just. looked me up on Instagram straight away and followed. Like as soon as you left, you've gone like, oh, find her profile. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry for adding the voice. I didn't eat the voice. But that's probably the perception that I would have. But I met them in a formal setting. Yeah. But they are like quite an attractive person. And their Instagram is like very like, this is me on the weekend, having fun at

the beach and shit. Hot. Yeah. Like too hot. Who was it? I'll tell you later. But it was like. as if I'm like, oh, I've just met you.

I'll go check you out in a bikini immediately and like it. I mean, you didn't know there was bikini shots to be enjoyed. I didn't. No. But I think I mean... But I just all these things, I'm like, oh, that's going to come across so bad. But the group tag, that's dangerous because it makes you go, well, if I don't follow you, I've obviously seen your thing.

Yeah. But if I do follow you, do you think I'm a keynote? I hope they watch this to know. So they know where I'm at. Do you think they might? I don't know. So someone from ACAST? No.

No. I'd say ACAST adjacent. This is too in. This is too. Let's do it. Okay. Okay. Okay.

But can I say, thanks for having me and my mustache here today. Oh, we love it. It is my first podcast, Sands Beard. Is it ever? Or I did shave my, I did Movember the first year we met. Yeah. So here's the thing. My daughter has never seen my chin.

Yeah, that's crazy. In her whole life. And we always have a joke. She's like, where's daddy's chin? Oh, it's hiding. She not happy. Yeah, how was the response from Mabes? Did she recognize you, do you reckon?

Yeah, because I sort of said like, oh, dad's like going to cut his beard off. Because you've got to kind of plant some seeds so you don't like scare and stuff. And so I said, I said, oh, dad, and she's going to happen. And she came up and she said, oh, dad, and she was kind of smiling and looking. And I was like, do you like it? And she was like, no. And then she touched my chin a little bit. I think it's in the vlog in Patreon.

But she got a bit upset and didn't like it. And then she says to me later, Dad, because your beard's missing, are we still allowed to swim in the pool? Oh. Now, I didn't really know. What do you think is the link there? Sun protection.

Sun protection? Am I not old enough? to swim without a floaty. Okay, well, she's swimming. Yeah, but she's got flotation devices on. She doesn't have a beard. So she's like, oh, no beard for me. I have to wear floaties.

Yeah. But it's good to know that all she cares about is whether you'll swim with her. Yeah. And then when we're in the pool last night, she, because she like counts down to like push Dad under. Yeah. And then she goes, if I push you, like, I think she thinks the beard's like in the bottom of the pool.

Because she's like, if I push you under, will you come back up with a beard. Because she's like, you will go to the pool and you'll get the beard back. So interesting. Another observation is that people don't realize I've cut my beard off. Someone yesterday said, have you grown a mustache? Do you know why I think that is? Is because you with a beard is like default.

So you don't even really notice it. So if someone said like, oh, did Ryan always have a mustache? I'd be like, yeah, but it was connected to a beard. Yeah. So it feels like a different thing. But how about a mustache with a beard isn't a mustache. just part of the beard. It's just a part of a bit. So someone goes, you look different. Did you grow a mustache? And I was like, well, technically yes, but it's been growing. I did grow it.

It's been growing for five years. I really, I actually, and I know that everyone's like, oh, that's a bit different. I genuinely really like it. I think you look really good. I love a mustache, though. I think they are so fucking hot. Now, was it you or Danny who works here who said you look like a young fuck boy? That was me. Okay. Yeah. What did Danny say? Because I like getting under 30 approval.

I think it was, oh, sorry that I'm over 30. Yeah. I think, what did you say, Danny? Something similar? Gen Z approval. Gen Z approval. A young Aussie boy. A young Aussie boy.

Yeah. I like being a young Aussie boy. Like you look like if your hair was a bit longer, you'd be out of festival. With some speed dealers on. Yeah. You look like you had a barbecue to listen to the hottest 100. And that's a compliment. That is a compliment.

Thank you. The one thing I don't like. is that just how undefined my jaw is. Nah, but you know what? I'm not rocking a bit. There's just a flow from my cheekbone to my nips. Bitch. Same. Yeah, same.

And you know what? I think it's fine. We're hot slats. We are hot slats. And let me tell you my new life about being a hot slut. What? You know, I said a girl tried to fuck me in an elevator yesterday. Yeah, but.

And I didn't tell you the details. Let me fucking tell you what happened. And I don't know if it's like mustache related or just like of the Do you think you've got just hot slut energy? I'd never met this person before and I was like, what the fuck is about to happen? Please don't out where I was. No, no, no, I won't. You're in an elevator.

I'm about to out myself though. But just let it be. Oh, that wasn't me. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. But I don't know if it's just a coincidence or it was the stash or whatever. Yeah. So I'm in this, actually, I'm definitely going to. I'm in this building and my swipe pass doesn't work.

I had a bowling hour. My swipe part doesn't work. And this girl comes over and goes, oh, can you not get in? I was like, no, my, my sweat. She goes, let me buzz you in, yeah. Did she also work at Schmanel Schmeven? Or did she work for the building?

Because you know how when you go to Schmannel Schmeven, they've got like that foyer and you sign in with them. And that's not actually the television. It's like the... It's the building. It's the building. Was she a building or was she a schmannel schmevin? I think she was a TV producer or reporter.

Okay. Oh, okay. So she knew who you... No. Oh, she didn't. No. So she's just letting people... Okay, so she's...

Well, I said, oh, sorry if this is like a bit like taboo with security, but would you be able to let me in? And she looked me up and down and went, I think it'll be all right. And I went, I did not know I could come without being touched. That is the hottest thing I've ever heard. Spoiler.

Wait for tomorrow's confessions. Oh, okay. Because it's what? So anyway, and I went, oh, okay. And at that moment, I just need you to kind of walk me through. What are you thinking? At that point, are you just like, great, I can get in? Or are you a bit like, she's, okay.

At that moment, I was like, great, I can get in. Yep. But it was that that's, that was just the start of it. Right? So then I said, oh, thanks for letting me. And if I go to like up to reception, I'll chat to the reception guy, who's a tarpa. Yeah. He'll hook me up.

And so, oh, well, I'll come up with you. And then I'll take you to where you need to go and whatever. And she goes, what are you doing here today? And I was like, oh, I'm on the TV. On the shmonging shmong. And you know how like some media people like, they're impressed when you're on the, like you're on the screen. Not some media. Like, it's cool.

Yeah. But like, it was like, it went. It went up and like so it was like, aha, okay. Yeah. And then. Was it the person who keeps on following me on Instagram? Because they'd be impressed by that too. They would be and it's not.

It's not. We get in the elevator. Yeah. And she's just and you've just been like, well yeah, I'm going on the TV. And she goes, oh. And she goes, oh, I'll take you up there. I don't mind. And then she drops her phone right in front of me.

And then. gets down on both knees to pick it up and then grabs it and then like looks up at me and she goes I'm so silly sometimes or I'm just I'm just like a bit forget oh I don't know it was just like as she was like looking back up into my eyes what's the number one rule we all learn about picking man up from the great movie legally blonde bend and snap works every time bend and snap. That's what she literally did. So then...

I mean, getting on both nases, hot as fuck, but... It was the looking up for me. Oh, yeah. Well, she dropped... I think it was her phone and something else, like, because she had, like, some stuff. And then I, like, picked something up for her. Did you get on the ground as well?

No. No, I picked something up and I was like, oh, and then she was like, oh, thank you. And I was like... Was that her cupping your balls? No, no. I was her getting the thing I was having that. Oh, okay. Sorry.

The hand up. confused me. Like I said, at first, I wasn't like, oh, but this was the moment I was like, so did you wear a condom or? Yeah, so I was just like, oh my, like, are you wearing a wedding ring? No. I wasn't. So now you've worn it today.

Yeah, because I, because I, you need the protection. Okay. So I get home last night. Did you tell Bridgett? Okay. So first of all, I was like, I texted you and I was like, I think I almost just had sex because I was right. Ryan did text me immediately.

And then I was like, well, I was going to text bridge straight away and I was like, is this something she wants to hear? No. Or is this something I want to have to defend? Because like sometimes when it's a little flirt or whatever, you go, oh, yeah, like still got it. And I would tell 12 straight away. Yeah. But if something genuinely flirty, I'd be like, oh, that may be.

Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was a bit like, do I tell bitch? But then I got home and, um. And she goes, you're in a good mood. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I said, um, I get home. I'm actually hot and sweaty. This is very horny. So I get home last night and I go, Bridge, I love you. I'm not fucking have a wondering eye. Or love you.

Or love you. I don't have no wondering. Oh, sweet art. But I actually just need to tell you what happened today because we're to like, I feel like it was so hot, almost not telling her felt like cheating. Nah, totally. You know what I mean? I get what you mean.

I hate for her to find out later. So why don't you tell me about that? Wait, you listen to the podcast. Yeah, but like, why don't you tell me about that? And I'll be like, oh, yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, I just need to tell you something that happened today. And I've told her this story.

And she goes, and I wasn't wearing my wedding ring. And she goes, that's why you need to wear a wedding ring. And that's why I'm wearing it today. She's like, fucking find it. But then here's the thing. She goes, it was actually, this is, I don't know if this is embarrassing or she said, I want you to act out what happened in the lounge. She's like, I'll be you standing there and you be the girl.

Okay, that was going to be my next thing that I suggest we do But if you've already done the role play Maybe you're not interested No, so, but I was like, okay And then as soon as I got down on mine at ease She said, oh my God She's done the pop and twist No, she fucking did not

Bridget said that Bridget's favorite movie The Bend and Snap Bridget's favorite movie is legally blonde And she's like, and that's when she goes Did that bitch bend and snap you? And I was like, I think she did All of us women were the same

Yeah, she's seen the movie this girl from schmannel shmevin oh yeah so anyway i was like okay let me like show you what she did and so then in the 30 year old ryan gets down on his knee your daughter's in bed yeah 38 year old ryan gets down on his knees and my like knees crap like and then it like gave out my sound to the crap and so she was like this is so not sexy and i'm like i It's like, no, I don't think she was cracking on you. You're like, no, it wasn't like this when she did it. Yeah, I was like, no, I was better when she did it.

But I, um, I actually, my knee, like an arthritis crack and I like fell on the ground. And she was like to me and went, this is so pathetic. Oh. So would you like me to do it to you? No, I'm okay. It does sound very hot, though. Oh, whoops. Drop this Fiji border pass.

Am I pinging it out? Get it for you. They've cracked again. Oh, whoops. Oh, I'm actually engaged and very dry in the puss. There was really something going on down there before, but it's all gone now. When was the last time we vacuumed this rug? In these black jeans.

When was the last time you vacuumed? Take that back. You know I vacuum. Not here. Or in like the world. How many people will back me up in the comments. The one thing I do do is vicarage. vacuum.

You have said, you laugh at me every time I say do, do, but then the other day when I was, I was with Bridge and she was, I don't know what she's on there. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, what'd she say? No, because we were talking, because we're hot, cool girls. We were talking about vacuum cleaners. And she goes,

well, the great thing about ours is that it's got the light on the front, but it makes you feel really bad about yourself. Yeah. So I think she's doing vacuuming. Well, she also does a vacuuming.

Oh. It's because we actually do a quick, because BJ's getting, older and it's summer and hot he's like hair sheds a bit. I don't think that's about him getting older. I think it's just the season. But it didn't happen for the first, like, four or five, yeah, like it's, what is it until the last year or so? And now it's like, oh, we'll just do like a quick little whip around at the end of the day. Yeah. But the light does. Yeah. And you just go, how am I a living? Oh, we've really, we're just talking about you getting hit on and now we're like,

oh, God, the light of the macum clear. Yeah, well, the reason I didn't end up sleeping with her. I was like, let me tell you how exciting my life is. And she was like, okay, I'm out. Um, she goes, yeah, you want to talk to you to me? You're like, um, the light on the vacuum. Yeah. I've got a new dice. Yeah. So anyway, mustache life is going good.

Okay. Again, don't know if that was mustache related or just like a draw. I think it might have been. It's very good, the mustache. Can anyone confirm or deny in the comment? I want to hear like a real life bend and snap success story. We almost heard what you said. I know.

I know. And I actually had to be like, what didn't have to be. that I get to reception and I was like, I know where to go. This tarpa on security, he'll hook me up. And she's like, oh, wait. And I'm like, it's actually fine. And she was like, oh, okay. And then.

No, she was trying it on. I've never tried that hard to have sex with anyone. That's awesome. Well, you wouldn't have to. Aw. You would just go, excuse me. And they go, flop it out. Yeah.

Not me. Like, yeah. Hi, I'm Ben. And this is Pinto from Chicago, USA. I'm Rachel from regional Western Australia. Hi, I'm Natalie from Brisbane Australia. You're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpas over at our Patreon.

Our Patreon, we have a heap of extra bonus content for our champion tarpas, especially at the moment, something very exciting going on with a trip to Fiji on the line. Good stuff. I think it's beyond something exciting. Yeah, no, it actually is. And sometimes I forget how crazy it is that we're going to go with all these tarpas on holiday. I'm so fucking excited. Are we announcing another winner the next day or so?

This week. This week. So our round two winner will be announced this week. But also on Friday, we're doing a live stream. Is that right? Is that right? Yes. Are we?

Yes. Oh, the Super Bowl foods. For the Super Bowl. Yeah. And great fucking news. New England's fucking in it. Lobby rolls. You know, all right.

What's the one meal you've had in Seattle? Lobby rolls So when you said in the group chat Fuck yeah Lobby rolls I thought you were talking about Seattle But they're both correct Yeah So are we gonna have Lobby Rolls

And Lobby Rolls? Oh no I have to eat two Lobby Rolls Oh no The other thing that we saw in Seattle Was all that gum Maybe we could have some gum Take that back That's fucking gross

It is gross But maybe we could have a little bit of gum Scraped off the wall Scraped off the wall Yeah Wasn't the smell of that As soon as soon as you said that I can still smell the gum on that

gum on that gum wall in Seattle. It's fucking disgusting. Can I say besides... Can you believe that was the last city I was in before I had a broken foot? Like it feels wasted on the fact we were only there for like 20 hours. Well, lucky you... 20 hours is no, 15. Well, we would have been there longer if we weren't hanging out with our good friends

at the fucking border. Yeah, if we weren't being arrested. Yeah, they're like, oh, what's it? Podcast equipment? Do you talk about politics on the show? Could we have a listen? What's it called? We just go, um, we mean well, podcast? A few of our champion types, though. It's called shameless. We're smart girls who like dumb things.

Yeah, and we've always said that. Katie A. Lee. That's also not true. I mean, is true. We're not smart. We like dumb stuff, yeah. We are dumb people who try to figure out smart things. No, we're dumb people who like the stuff that is of our quota.

Kira Murray, good on you, Kira. I like the name Kira. Same. Natalie Reid. Natalie's good too. But you know what I don't. like. I don't love a Nat. Like Nat short for Natalie, I'm like, oh, Natalie's so beautiful. And then Nat feels like too tight. Imagine this. You have a daughter. Yeah. And you give it the beautiful name

Natalie. Yeah. And then they get to school and everyone calls them Natty. Natty's cuter than for a kid. When they're 14. Yeah, but they can't do older age. They still get called Natty. No, I don't like her. Natty. Yeah. Oh, that's kind of Cool. But they'd have to be a Natty. I like that more than Nattie. Nanny. Nat.

Nat. It sounds like the bug, like Gn-A-T. Like a sand nut that gets in your plants. Would Natalie be top five? I really like it. I think it is pretty, but I'm not a fan of the nickname. Yeah. And you've got to think about these things.

You do, yeah. Shana Taylor, good on your Shana. Mon Lutz, good on your Mon. Jack Barrow. Hardling Noah Shawna Schuster great name Chris and Nichols

Kira Viljean Jean Valjean Eloise and Megan Shanahan Good on you Thank you very much to being part of our Patreon Please come to Fiji

with us Please enter Would absolutely love for you to enter Round 3 is now open Now I'm going to do a quick little spiel about The Taip community And it's basically time

For Charles to figure out What the fuck He's supposed to be doing Okay Oh he's got it Oh Oh. The Taab community is a safe place where you can be yourself and enjoy our silly small show.

And we love having you here and you can have a daily brain break and not worry about the other bullshit in your life for 30 minutes. Ladies and gentlemen. What bullshit have you got going on at the moment? Apart from trying to get fucked in an elevator. Trying not to get fucked in an elevator. Sorry. Yeah. What bullshit do I have going on in my life?

My life's pretty good. That's awesome. That's a great thing to hear. Oh, I'm going. I have to have a colonoscopy soon. That is quite literally the shit going on in my life. Guess what? What?

Because you know how one of my goals this year was to sort my tummy out? Yes, love that for you. I don't know if you missed this in the group chat, but I couldn't believe the name of my colonoscopy. Dr Joshua Butt, also the guy I'm going to. Also the guy Danny's gone to. Have you ever met a guy with a better name for the job that he does? Dr. Butt.

Just that fucking gastron. You know what I mean? Good on him. I saw that name and I was like, no. You want to get things done to your butt, North Bell Street? If I could go to Joshua Butt. You won't believe this guy's name. And Lily goes, I think that's one Tony's seeing.

And Danny's like, I've seen him. He's great. So nothing but good news for Dr. Bart and all of his patients. I'm pretty sure there's another guy at the center called. Gastro North. Yeah, called like Dr. Crohn's. No way. Yeah.

Can we bring up Gastro North, meet the team or whatever? Gastric North team directory. Yeah, go right down the bottom. There's Joshua Butt. He's a great butt. Oh, Dr. Cronin. Oh, Cronin. A bit different.

Cronin O'Brien. I have a Dr. Bart who is a gastroenterologist and an advanced endoscopist. Ah, gastroenterologist is how you say that. So that guy is going to, will have seen inside more people at Tarp Tower than not. Yeah. Do you want to get him on? Do you think that they do like a punch card? That I go down, I go, yeah, I'll say, like, we get a referral code or something.

And, yeah, the sixth month's free. So Charles, yours could be free if you go last, but you'll be last. Do you know what I mean? You know? It's like, do you want to be the last one? That's what I'm saying. Do you want to be the last one? and we don't know, you know.

He'll clean his hands in between. Maybe. Nah, he would. At Gastro North, they take care of their patients. They actually do. Do you think he has like a power over us? Because it's like I've seen inside all of your assholes. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. Now, I'm not suggesting that this guy is not a great doctor. Which by all accounts, he is. I work with someone who has both doctor credentials and excellent comedic timing. know things can work together. They can. Medical comedy.

If he, and obviously he wouldn't, you know, break attorney client privilege. So true. But do you think he might actually because he's not an attorney, but yes. Do you think he could come in and be like, I'm not going to get into details, but I'm going to rank your butts from best to worst? I hope so. Could we, would you be willing to ask him? Or what if he could do like a Venn diagram of like what we had in common and what we didn't

have in common? Oh, okay. That's interesting. So it's like Ryan's butt's over here, Danny's butt's over here, but Tony's in the middle, she's got both. I think the problem with Venn diagrams is there's already too many holes. Yeah. A Venn diagram kind of looks like a butt. That's what I mean.

I'm like, I don't know if I can see that. It looks like a spread asshole. Yeah, okay. So if you kind of did like a blah kind of thing, I've lost my devil's stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony and I, all jokes aside, are actually going to the same gas. And Danny. And his name is Dr. Bar. Yeah, that's, it's not a meme.

light, real life. Well, it is a meme, but it is also true. I mean, the best memes are true. And that is true. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Sorry, everything's popping off. I've got to go see Dr. Throat. That's what they call me. We were playing Mario party on the weekend. Whoa, what story comes off the back of that? That reminds me. We were playing Mario. I was gobbing on a slonger and what's the thing? Goblin on a Slogging on a gopler. that reminds me actually I was in this elevator the other day

we were playing Mario Party on the weekend we had a friend staying with us and we were just like this is just not going the way that you think it is I don't think I hope not for your marriage I hope not so me and Tobs's best friend Adam

and um oh my God how is the Eiffel Tower this time of year The three of us used to live together. Like, we lived, anyway. And we were playing Mario Party, and we were all trashed toward talking each other real bad. And Tolbs goes, fuck you, you throat slut. The funniest thing I've ever heard in my love was like, where'd you get throat slut from?

What have you been Googling, bud? What's on your TikTok? The rhythm. It was really. That's the last time, Torbs, babysits Mabel. No, shit wasn't there. No, but I'm like, what I know that guy's vernacular is capable of, I don't want him hanging around. Well, I didn't know that those two words could go together, but apparently they can.

Yeah, you did. Well, I've seen it in real life, but I haven't heard it. Yeah, what's it sound like? Oh, gaw. Um, but I thought that's the sound of Dr. Bart going out. I thought throat slat was especially bog and I really liked it. And it was just like, pause the game. Like, we need to.

It was literally, like, we're playing this. He's like, you fucking flot. right slut. And they were like, what? It's really funny. Wow. Anyway, okay, my hot take, or should I say cool take,

is that the best five minutes you can spend each day is just waiting for your food to cool down. You've been scorched. Now, I just have to say that when I'm hungry and if there's food in front of me, I just want to

nibble it up like a little nibble goblin. Little throat slow. Yeah, and same. And on Friday, I had two pieces of leftover pizza from my dinner the night before. Love that. And I heated them up in the microwave. Not the air friar?

No, no, no. I don't fuck with that. I just put in the microwave. I like my food soggy and you know that. And this is fine. Anyway, move on. So I'd put in the microwave and like, you know how sometimes the microwave it takes minutes. Sometimes it takes mere seconds.

And you can never really tell. It's a bit of a gamble. It really is. You're rolling the dice every time you put a pizza in a microwave. And so I'd put these two bits in for 30 seconds. It came out and it was zapped to eternity. Like it was so hot. I was so hungry.

And I'm sitting there looking at this fucking bread covered in lava. And I'm like, no, you know what? I need to give it a minute. And I've never done that in my life. I've never had the self-control. And I left it for five minutes. Right. Five minutes.

From a 30 seconds. And I needed it. I'm not even joking. It needed it. So what I did is I kept working for five minutes. I was like, you know what? I'll keep myself busy for five minutes.

Instead of just going, I didn't want to do that. Because it's also you want to enjoy it. Well, I'd never really known food could be enjoyed in this way. Because when it's not too hot, you can taste it. And so that's why my hot,

take is that if you just wait a couple of minis, the food is way better. I have been scorched. I know that it seems simple, but I haven't been... It does. It seems real simple. I haven't been waiting. And I know that you know that because you also... I'm a haf-da-ha-ha-ha-da. I am impatient. I dislike waiting. But I just think that if you spend a coupling minutes... It is worth it. I'm not disagreeing.

Yeah, you just feel a bit uttered, maybe. Maybe. Maybe that's why I'm defensive, yeah. What do you do, Charles? You are... See, you don't like your food that hot in general, where I... I'll leave it for like a few seconds, but not that long because I like my food hot. Not scorching, but still hot.

I was listening to a podcast this morning and they were all like, oh, if my chips aren't scorching straight out of the oil, send it straight back. Oh, no. Or like if you're at Mac is, it's like, oh, like, can you get me fresh ones, please? No, nah, okay, hot take, don't do that. That's annoying. Yeah. That's annoying.

Agree. You can't, oh, can I have fresh chips? Shut up. They're all fresh. Like, do you know what I mean? How much difference is it going to be really hot? You get a fast, you get a cheap, you get what you get. Like, it's okay.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I do know what I do. I do know what I think that? I was like, who do these motherfuckers think they are? Do you know what I fuck with lately I've been thinking about a lot? wedges. I reckon I fuck with wedges so hard right now.

Can I tell you something? Please. And I want to know if this is true for anyone else. I reckon it might be true for you for what you've just said. I love being included. This sort of loves being included in. This is the rotation that humans go through wedges. Six months on,

two and a half years off yeah 1,000% for six months you are just slaying them yeah sour cream over here sweet chili over here fucking wedging me out hey should we go to the pub sure

do you want to get a meal nah oh they don't have salt and pepper squeeze let's get a bowl of wedges for the table what about this do a little bit of this yeah what about this

for the table wedges sour cream hot chili sauce fuck yeah let's do that every three weeks for six months and then not do it again for two and a half years

And then you forget that they exist for a while. And how long is it take to you remember? At two and a half years. About two and a half years usually. And then you go, fuck, I could do a wedge. We go, fuck, it has been like so long. It's probably been two and a half years. Probably been two and a half years since I've had wedges.

But don't you think a little bit like my hot take last week with an LLB, if you're the person to bring up wedges, everyone's on board. Like everyone goes, you're so right. Wedges would be perfect for this. Are we allowed to say where we are next week? We're allowed to say that, right? Yeah. We're doing the show from the Gold Coast next week.

Thanks to WebJet. Thanks to WebJet. Fuck yeah. And so many people in Australia said my favorite summer holidays are about the Gold Coast in Queensland, so we're going to go relive all of them. Yeah. It turns out that next Monday, the first day we're on the Gold Coast, is about two and a half years since I last had a wedge.

You wouldn't fucking read about it. You wouldn't. Fucking read about it. You wouldn't read about that. So what we're saying is, well is that at some point in the top calendar in 2029. Yeah. We should make a note that there needs to be a wedge reminder.

Yeah, Charles, put that in. Cancel shoe spraying week. No, shoe spraying week's on. Pippers, worming tablets on. And the wedge reminder. Can you, what is six months from next Monday? Because that's our window to go hard. February, March, April, May, June, July, August.

this footy season So that means that the last time We can get wedges for two and a half years Is gonna be at our birthday party It is exactly And the final wedge And you know what does a fucking wedge and a half We're gonna beat this

Fucks a wedge Imagine Imagine that Should we do? Oh guess where the party is this year I know he beeped that, but like Like drives itself Yeah, it actually does

Okay, clue For the birthday Wedge you've ever had That's where it is, see you there Do they have? Oh God, I'm so fond of! Do they have wedges In Latvia?

Probably not. Can we? It's a boiled potato. Oh no, but that's the starting point of a good wedge. Just do the second step. It sounds like they've got the key ingredient. I'll bring the fucking spices.

Someone brings some sweet chili sauce. They'll have sour cream. I could bring sweet chili sauce, but they will have sour cream in Rika. Or we could bring normal cream and by the time we arrive at mine's sour as fuck. Charles, can you Google sour cream Latvia? Charles, can you Google do they have wedges in Latvia? Also, I know we joked about Latvia last year and there'll be more specific details,

but we are actually going. Oh, yep. So they fuck with sour cream in Latvia. That's great news. Oh, they've got like a home, like a Latvian sour cream. well yeah sorry just Google

do they have wedges in Latvia and all that's come up is like wedge shoes that is so fucking funny yes potato wedges are readily available in Latvia commonly served as a popular snack or side dish in restaurants you know what I love about going to other lands learning about the culture

And they've got wedges just like us. Just like us. After the birthday party, you'll be able to have wedges again on the 22nd of February, 2029. Is that a leap year? No. No, that'll be 2028 when we're in L.A. for the Olympics. What event are you in again?

Swimming. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got bronze. Yeah. Torbs and I actually looked at a detailed breakdown of how the AIS spends its money this morning. And, um, that's the Australian Institute of Sport. It's actually incredible how much money they share, but it's not very much.

Like, it's a lot of money overall, but the breakdown is terrible. It'll probably be more of the next, like, leading into Brisbane, because they really want to pump up and do a good job of a home Olympics. Like pre-Sidney Olympics, it was like. Yeah. So the Kung Fu Wu-Shu team in Australia, they only get $400. Isn't that disgusting? The whole sport.

The whole sport. Four hundred bucks. Yep. Isn't that foul? Well, considering I've never heard of Kung Fu-Fu-Fu-Hu-W-Shoo. Kung-Fu-Hu-We-Soo. We were Googling this morning. I can't believe that they only get $400.

Fencing gets about $100,000. That's still nothing. It's not a lot of money, eh? Considering how many people per each team or... How much is a sword cost? Charles can use it. A few grand-day. No.

How much is a fencing sword? Fencing sword. We'll have them on Amazon? Probably. Let's get them and use them to eat wedges. Oh my God. Yes. We will look like, who am I thinking of?

Anyone who's a fucking legend? Who am I thinking of? Zorro. Sorry, I didn't think of that straight away. Sorry, man. Have you seen that movie, Zorro? Yeah. Is it Anthony Banderas?

No, he's the cat in Shrek. Is he also Zorro? Is he? Is the cat Zorro? Cat in the heart? No, it's Puss in boots. Pussing boots. Cat in a hat.

Different guy. They look similar. Charles, are you Googling the fencing sword? Yes, so they range between about 129 and 567. Okay. Oh, they're pretty gangster. Oh, that's a nice one. Amazon don't have them.

Amazon only have toy ones. Also, I don't think that you can buy a weapon on. Could you... Put that in carry on? Does a fencing sword have a blade? Or is it just the little antenna? Just a little antenna, like a magnet thing that sets the beeper off. Yeah, well, that's the new Fandangle ones, isn't it?

I quite like watching the frenzy. Long, flexible and feature a flat, blunt tip, often with an electric button rather than a sharp edge. That's what you've got. Yeah. Anyway, what was the hot take again? Oh, let food cool down. Let food cool down. Oh, where I was it?

I was going with that about, oh, sorry Charles, where I was going with that about the wedges, though, is doesn't a wedge have lava on the inside? I was just about to say there's no better example of foods to just take a fucking beat. Take a fucking beat. Maybe cut one in half so your first one's on the way. Maybe take a sip of your lemon line bitters. Just take a moment. A fucking, a cold from scratch LLB, a bowl of wedges and a little rube. and a little ramekin of sour cream

and a little ramekin of sour sweet chili that could fix me I reckon that might be the difference between being a hot slot and not I've really love to see her this is from Sophie and Sophie sent this through on Patreon I've got some very exciting news to share says Sophie I've gotten an email to confirm my spot

in the New York Marathon for this year fuck yeah isn't that so sick after starting running at the start of 2023, so very fucking recently, initially to improve my mental health and be able to join my partner at the time in long runs, I began to fall in love with the feeling from not being able to run one kilometre without stopping

to doing my first marathon in October last year. And now I'm not only doing the New York marathon, but the Sydney one as well. what the heck and fuck I was about to say like oh save something for the rest of us but don't actually yeah it's all yours that's fucking cool

Sophie says I'm going over by myself to the New York Marathon because it's like too expensive for anyone to join me obviously it's like flights and then it's an expensive time to be in the city as well didn't we learn that

when we decided to do a meet and greet on the same day same day yep a lot of traffic yeah a lot of stuff going on a lot of roads closed I'm going over to New York by myself but I know the crowd and the New York vibe will be enough to keep me going and I just have to have trust in my training.

Absolutely. So if there's any tarppers that are going to go and like barrick for runners at the marathon, keep a little open for, keep your eyes open for a tarpa Sophie. Well done, Tarp of Sophie. Soap says I started my own Instagram and TikTok to help share my journey and maybe grow a bit of a following because running gear is really expensive. Yeah. So Sophie's Instagram, I don't know if this is, maybe they're the same username. chasing pavements with Sof.

So if you want to follow Sof's... What's that song? Should I just keep chasing pavements? What song is that? Should I give a or should I do? It's TLC. No, that's waterfalls. Don't go chasing pavements.

Chasing pavements, Adele. Adele! That's not Adele? It really is. That song's quite old. How long's Adel been around for? Google that. Please.

What, how long's Adel been around for? Yeah. Google that specifically. And Dell's ages. She's 37. And her first album was 19, right? Yeah. And she was 19.

Yeah. Fuck, what's up? 18 years. Yep. Yeah. So Chasing Waterfalls came out. about in January 14th, 2008. Chasing waterfalls?

Chasing pavement, sorry. Yeah, 2008? You're fucking joking. 18 years ago. If you were my favourite Adel song. If you were conceived to that song, you could drive. Sorry? That's,

he's just been sent to oblivion. Yeah, that's crazy. My favourite Adel song, I think it's actually a cover. I don't, like, a bit like the song torn is a cover. You know that song is like, to make you feel a. I love. You know that song?

No. That a job song? Has anyone ever done a song called a cover? Just to fuck with people. That's funny. We could. Do you want to do your love to see it? So, this is from Peter Marie Thornton.

Hi, Peter Murray Thornton. Ta-P-E-T-A? P-E-T-A. Dash-Marie. Peter-Marie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've spoken to Peter-Marie before. And isn't it?

Because, you know, you like when people are thinking of you and thoughtful. and then when someone, like, isn't that a bit of a compliment, someone see something online and goes, Tony would like this? 1000%. What a compliment. Yeah. So Peter Marie Thornton has seen something and gone,

oh, I'll send this to Ryan because you know what? I think he'd actually get something out of it. And what an honour to be, you know, thought of and cared for. Absolutely. It's because us and the tapas, we're all real friends.

So Peter Maria sent me this shart survival kit from Timo. It's Chart Survival Kit Yeah do you want to Tell me read out what the The kit includes Yeah this is what we need to know The complete kit includes

Upsi Pupsi Disposy Disposable Undies Fresh and Discrete Brown Town Tissue Pack Remove solids and liquids Clean Booty Mud Butt Cleansing Technology Instructional Care Card I sharded Now what

and shart survival badge proudly display your journey. If you're going to proudly display your journey, do you need discreet oopsie-pupsy underwear? Like if you're going to be proud about it, would you just walk around and be like, yeah, I've got shark in my pants? It turns.

So once I did say I've got shit in my pants and people don't like that. People love a I shat myself story, but they don't love it when the poo is still near. Yeah. And I've learned that. Yeah. And, you know, we learn things over time.

Well, that's why I asked about whether our wedge anniversary, I'm now calling it, is the wedge window, whether that was going to be around the day where we're allowed to tell each other or anything and then not bring it up. But that'll be the following year. Because that was a leap year, right? Yeah, so it was February 29.

When's the next leap year, Charles? 28. Yeah, okay. They're the same every four years. Yeah, yeah. So are you saying there won't be a time where we can talk about that story and eat wedges on the same day.

Which is a real shame. Oh no, but they'll end up lining up. It will because the three and fours it'll... Cycical. Maybe at the Brisbane Olympics. Can you find out the next one? It will be. It will be the Brisbane Olympics. In 2032.

So 2032 at the Olympics we'll be able to talk about the thing. Yeah, whilst eating a wedge. What a wonderful time. Everyone, put that in your diary. We'll pop that in the calendar. now. Let's put it in the no context notebook this week.

No, we won't. It'll be 2031. Oh, yeah. Oh, because it's two and a half years. Yeah. No, but it's three because of the six months. Oh, the six months. Oh, Charles, he's not even sure what's going on.

Charles, it's very simple. Every two and a half years for six months, we're allowed to eat wedges. I don't really understand what you're not getting about it. I don't really understand what you're not getting about it. It's quite simple. What date to the Olympics that year? 232 it's only June July

It's different Because southern hemisphere It might be September It'll be July to August We'll just sneak in We'll be there for our birthday party again August So if we're doing wedges at our birthday party this year

When you said there again It implied that this year is Brisbane And that's not correct Oh no no no no sorry I'm saying like We'll be able to eat wedges for our birthday again Yes You know what I get you I get you

Everyone put in your diary And we'll put this in the no context Not put on Instagram The exact window So just some dates to remember Because Between Apparently it's very

No because it'll be On February 29th Yep 232 We can talk about the thing And have wedges No we can't have a wedge that day Yes we can

Sorry Sorry Sorry you're right Charles is complicated Yeah Um, tomorrow. I'm so horny for the Olympics. I love it.

All right. You're horny for the elevator. Yeah. You're horny for the Olympics. Tomorrow's confession is from a Canadian tarpa. Oh. They went to Mexico on a family holiday. And they've actually,

they've put it as a confession and given themselves a nickname, but I don't think I can say it because I think they'll out themselves. Um, well I'm going to say, family holiday is throwing me. Yeah, it does. It does throw you. It really does.

Can you not suggest that I'd be horny about people fucking their family? All I'm saying... I think that that needs to be clear. All I'm saying is that when you hear this story, we might need to put a towel down on the seats for both of us. Okay. Hotter than anything you've heard today. Hopefully we've got some beautiful thick towels from, homie.

Tows. Guess what was out for 2026? Judging towels. We've got other towels downstairs still. Covered in poops. All right. Love you. Love you, bye. That was a Longie.

That was a DeLongy coffee machine. Love you, bye. Delongy. Sponsor us.