Toni and Ryan - 😱 RYAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! 😱

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

There is NO coming back from this one, Ryan. Wow wow wow. Love ya, T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, Max. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you? We're good. Hi, Max.

How are you doing? We're well. We have to be really quick with Max today. Okay. Okay. Because Max is in a very stressful time of his life. Is he 17? No.

Why would that be stressful? Oh, that was a stressful time, don't you think? Sure. I'm doing finals right now. It's exams week in college. Oh, my God. That sounds awful. Yeah, lots of essays and exams, but getting through, I guess.

What are you studying and where? Where do we find you in the world? I'm in Washington, D.C. I am an international relations student. I go to a school called the American University. Believe it or not, it is a real school. That sounds very impressive. I was going to say, Tony could help you with your study,

but it sounds like you're way too smart and important for anything we could possibly offer you, so we'll just say all the best back to you. Not even. Yeah, it's a dime a dozen around here, honestly. Well, it sounds great. So is everyone in Washington, D.C., and this might be an assumption from our side of the world,

but we would just assume that everything over there is just geared towards politics and the White House and everyone works in some sort of department of whatever or is studying like you are to be a part of that world. Is that a fair assumption or is that just totally wrong because we're on the opposite side of the world? I think a fair amount of people around here do. It's definitely a big part of the city and a big culture of it.

To get to campus today, I was in an Uber and I got caught because a motorcade was going by. Oh my god! So it's kind of just a part of the city, but there's a lot else to it, I'd say. DC especially has a lot of other culture and stuff to it, so there's definitely a lot of fun to be had too. But yeah, definitely a lot of other like culture and stuff to it. So there's definitely a lot of fun to be had too. But yeah, definitely a lot of politics. Yeah. Because I lived in Canberra for two years and I can't believe I'm comparing it because Canberra is so small.

But Canberra is where Parliament House is in Australia. It's the capital and everyone just assumes it's boring and politics. And everyone works nine to five. Yeah, but I worked there and lived there and it was awesome and it was a great like party town and it was like a little, what would you say, an unassuming party town there was actually a lot happening there and i loved it but everyone just goes oh boring politics so i'm glad to hear dc's got something yeah no actually that's everyone's assumption about dc but honestly one of the best cities i've lived in and i've

definitely moved around a bit awesome so what is someone as smart as you doing listening to a podcast like ours? I actually saw it from the TikToks originally and just thought you guys were so funny. Max is like, I actually just needed to give my brain a break. So listening to people as stupid as you guys is just such a nice relief. It's definitely been a good mood booster during finals week. I can tell you that. In between all of my random essays and stuff.

Well, I'm glad to hear that we can help. And I'm glad that Tony calling something a cum gun has made it to the White House. So think about that, Tony. I'll make sure to go shout it. Yeah, let Joe know I'm sure he already does We'd love it if you'd approve the podcast

Yeah, I'd love to Thank you so much, Max And also, good luck I really hope that everything goes well And that next time we talk You're like a bajillionaire working in politics And like, you know, they're making Like a TV show about you or something

I don't know. Hopefully not House of Cards. I wish I'd be making a bajillion dollars in politics, but we'll see. We'll see. We'll see. All right, well, Max, thanks so much for supporting us. And like Tony said, good luck with the next few weeks and few years, and we'll see you on our American tour in a year or so.

Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully come down to D.C. and do a show. Okay. Yeah, we will. Yeah, Joe and I are good friends. Yeah, we'll hook something up. We'll hook something up. I'm talking about Biden, Joe Biden to D.C. and do a show. Okay. Yeah, we will. Yeah, Joe and I are good friends. Yeah, we'll hook something up. We'll hook something up. I'm talking about Biden, Joe Biden.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. He's the president. Oh, good. I almost said Prime Minister. Hi, this is Max from Washington, D.C., and I approve this podcast.

Yeah. It's the week before a week before Christmas. It was the week before the week before Christmas and all through the podcast, not a creature was stirring, not even a bod-dust. Stirring, not even a bod-dust. Welcome to the show. Tony's the comedic genius of, and wordsmith of a generation. Yeah. Glad you could join us today. Glad you could join us today. Been here and contributing.

Yeah. Next week on the show, and I'd love people to go into the Facebook group and share their stories. Christmas Day mishaps. And when Christmas Day, I just sort of mean like family, like if you have dinner on Christmas Eve or whatever, I just want to know. Just your family Christmas drama. Yep.

I just want to hear drama or someone dropped the turkey or someone brought someone they weren't supposed to bring. Oh, this is my new boyfriend. Oh, the auntie. Well, there's not enough fucking turkey for him as well. Yeah. I want to hear those Christmas Day mishaps and we'll share them next week in the lead up to Christmas.

Yeah, I'd love that. Tony, I want to know what you would do in this situation and people listening. I was in an awkward situation with a barber and I don't know if I handled it correctly and I'm still embarrassed and I cringe every time I think about it. And I haven't told you this story for ages because I feel like it was also illegal.

But I feel like there's enough water under the bridge and I feel like enough time has passed. Statute of limitations. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. So in Melbourne, we're only in the last month of come out of lockdown. I know, fucking hallelujah. And so we, because people listening from around the world,

they're like, what? We haven't had lockdowns for years. Yeah, and as well, because when we started this podcast two, three months ago, we said, this is going to be a COVID-free zone. We actually don't want to be more people contributing to COVID chat. We just want to be fun garbage and not chat about, you know, world politics and shit like that.

It's not for us. And it's not for you because Lord knows if you need important information, we probably ain't the people to be delivering it. To pee. To pee or not to pee. That is the question. To be honest, even if we had important information, we'd fuck it up just like I just did.

So hairdressers and barbers closed. Couldn't get your hair done. Everyone was looking a mess. Shocking. Shocking. So every second week I do a spot on TV just on like one of those morning shows. It's literally called The Morning Show, but they're the same anywhere in the world,

just chatting about the news of the day. It's so cool. I'm so proud of you, mate. It's really cool that Morning Show, but they're the same anywhere in the world, just chatting about the news of the day. It's so cool. I'm so proud of you, mate. It's really cool that you're doing stuff like that. Is it? Oh. Well, when you hear this, I don't know if it was all worth it. Yeah, I think it's really cool.

Wait until you hear the story, then you decide if it was worth the hassle. No, but I think it's nice that you're doing stuff. You're on the telly. That's cool. So I don't know if I agree with this rule. Okay. But it exists and that is what it is. All right.

When you work on TV, you've got an exemption to get your hair cut and your hair done because it's like- Like through COVID because you had to be presentable. You had to be presentable. They see it as part of your job. Okay. To look presentable, you're on camera, it is what it is. And I was a bit like, oh, I don't want to go flaunting

that I've had my hair cut. Yeah, because everybody else was like gagging for a haircut. Yeah, and I didn't want to rub it in. But you're able to be like, oh, yeah, the bloody Channel 9's got a personal hairdresser I can use. Yeah, exactly. So I messaged this barber because apparently they can get it done. Yep.

And I said, hey, I don't know how it works, but I've got this piece of paper from Channel 7. Like I'm allowed to have my hair done. What's the deal at your end? Yep. And they go, oh, well, if you've got this piece of paper from Channel 7. Yeah. Like, I'm allowed to have my hair done. What's the deal at your end? Yeah. And they go, oh, well, if you've got the exemption, then you're free to come around and get your haircut. That's sort of how it works.

And I was like, good, because it's kind of awkward. It's weird, but I look a bit, my beard's a bit out of control. I need to get it done. I need to tidy myself up. Yeah. And they said, cool. So my studio is wherever it was. It was a while away, but they actually lived just around the corner from me.

Okay. And they said, well, considering it's just the two of us, instead of us both driving over to the studio. Yeah, which would have been like probably out of your ring of concern. Opening the store, turning all the lights on. Why don't you just come around to my place? And when they say just a guy, it's not as involved as a girl. Like clippers, trim the beard, quick haircut.

It takes 20 minutes, yeah. So I walk in, quick haircut. You'll be in and out. It takes 20 minutes, yeah. So I walk in. She says hello. We're in her apartment. She's got her mask on. It's all above board. Yeah.

And I said, cool. Just before we get started, is it okay if I just – Because you need to pee constantly. Well, it was more than that. You just always need to go to the bathroom. I reckon since we've been here today, you've needed to go to the bathroom probably four times. I need to go again now.

Yeah. Oh, man. And you would have been so embarrassed as well. I was so embarrassed. Because you're in someone's house. Yeah. It's different when you're at a shop or a salon or something because you're like, oh, this is a place of business.

I'm not in your bathroom. But you've walked in there, her bloody shampoo and conditioner in the thing, her razor. It gets worse. Actually, it gets way worse. But first of all, it was shampoo and conditioner in the thing, her razor. It gets worse. Actually, it gets way worse. But first of all, it was just like a little one-bedroom place. So the bathroom was kind of just like an en suite. So to get to the bathroom, I had to walk through her bedroom.

Through her bedroom. And we'd never met. Like I only just got her number because they're like, oh, she's a barber, lives around the corner. Question. Yeah. When you said, oh, do you mind if I use your bathroom, was she like, oh, or was she like, oh, my God, yeah, go ahead?

She was like, of course you can. Yeah. But I felt like she was self-conscious because maybe she. Hadn't tidied it up or something. She's like, oh, I just met this guy, he's in my bathroom. Exactly what you just said. Yeah. And you can kind of see her mind going like, oh,

have I put everything away? Yeah. Is my dildo still stuck to the shower wall or something? Yeah. You know you see those photos of people taking a selfie in the bathroom and in the background there's like suction cap dildo to the thing. Like in your house. No.

Is that what happened? No, it's not. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. First of all, I was worried because, oh, my God, that's crazy. And then also I was like, sorry if I fucked your story. I wish that was the case. Oh, my God. First of all, I was worried because, oh, my God, that's crazy. And then also I was like, sorry if I fucked your story. I wish that was the case. Oh, no.

I get in there and I need to do a number two. Was it a quick one or? Yep. Oh, yep. And then I go to grab some toilet tissue and there's none there. There's none there. There's no toilet paper. There's none there.

Of course there's not. You've just met this girl. Do you yell out and go, do you have any toilet paper in the kitchen, dog? Because also you don't want to like imply that you've just taken it. You just want to like, yep, just a quick piss. Yeah, yeah, because boys like you don't use toilet paper after a wee, right? Nah. I mean you wash your hands and stuff, but yeah, like that's a very easy like,

yep, in and out, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you say, oh, can you, you're kind of saying, hey, I've just taken a shower. I've obviously just shit. And there's no cupboard in the bathroom. I'm looking around. I'm like stressing hard. You're panicking. I'm panicking. Yeah, because you know that there's only a certain like time window before it's weird that you're still in the bathroom. i was there for a while trying to figure this out fucking hell yep so what do you do do you just not wipe do you know what i would do what don't judge me this is fucked you've got to scoop with your hands then wash your

hands i didn't do that i wish i had of but well that's what you've got to do because then there's no mess all that's there is the poo in your hands and you can wash them off. Wash them is soap, obviously. Let me know what you would have done in the comments. Yeah. Quick scoop. Wash your hands. That's what you've got to do.

That's still brave. Yeah, that's what you've got to do, I feel. I used her towel. Wow. Ryan Jonathan Dunn. You fucking did not. I did. I panicked.

Her, like, bath towel? There was only one towel in there. Or, like, a hand towel? Bath towel. There was one towel in there, just one towel. And then what did you do? Did you say, that's going to need a wash? You didn't tell her. I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. And I didn't think of the hand thing. And I was like, I can't just like sit in my own filth while I'm sitting there in her kitchen getting my hair did. Yeah. So I used her towel. Ryan, what colour was the towel?

It was like a light. Like a peach. It was a light yellow. Oh, not anymore. Well, most of it still is. Just not all. So you've wiped your bum on the towel. Yep.

Then I've panicked because I've seen the towel. Yeah, and you've gone, whoa, aftermath. Yep. I might try and like wash the towel. Or do you turn the towel the other way? That. Then I've panicked because I've seen the towel. Yeah, and you've gone, whoa, aftermath. Yep. I might try and like wash the towel. Or do you turn the towel the other way? That's what I did. I mean, it's not going to solve the issue. And I'm going to get found out eventually.

But it'll probably get me out of the house. Yeah, as long as you can get. So I get back out there and it's been a while. Like long enough for her to have gone, I hope he's all right. He's obviously pilling. Or like, I just, what's going on? And then when I walk back out there and it's been a while, like long enough for her to have gone, I hope he's all right. He's obviously pilling, yeah. Or like just what's going on. And then when I walk back out there, she goes, oh, there's no toilet paper at the moment.

Well, because there was like a worldwide shortage. Yeah, but she was aware that there wasn't any in there by the time I'd come because she'd obviously gone, oh, it's been a while, and then she's probably panicked. And you go, no, use the big bit that was on the towel rack. She's like, that's a towel. Well, then I was like, do I? Admit.

Is this the out that I need to be like, there wasn't, and I've just shit on your towel. Is that what you did? No. No, of course not. I just sort of went, oh, wasn't there? Oh, it's fine. And just tried to ignore it because I'm like, oh,

why did you bring it up? Like she was like Swedish or something. And then so I thought like I'm so when she's sort of saying this, like the communication barrier was a bit rough anyway. So I was like, if I can kind of just smile my way out of this. And then I had to sit there for 20 minutes while she's cutting my hair. I'm like nervous. I'm like, what if this happens?

What if she finds out? Is she going to hate me? Does she think I'm just sitting here in my own film? Because there was no – like what does she think has happened? Oh, my – I can't believe that that is what you did. Of all the options. And so then when I leave, she goes, oh, thanks for coming over. Paid her the money.

She took us – I hope you paid her extra. No. Take yourself to a Dares doll. Get yourself to a Dares. I only said $30. Why have you given $100? Oh, it's $70 for a new set of towels and you're going to fucking need it.

You'll know why when you go in to have a shower next and you get out of the shower and go to dry yourself and wipe my extra men all over yourself. Yeah. So she says, and I kind of said, oh, I don't want to make a big deal like online that I'm getting a haircut because of the thing. So it's not, because sometimes a hairdresser will be like, oh, can I take a.

Take a before and after kind of thing. After or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we kind of had the, not that she wanted to anyway, but it was just like a. Do you mind not posting kind of thing? Yeah, but like we're keeping this on the download. Yeah.

She's like, because I'm from Sweden, if I get caught breaking the laws, I'll be like extradited, like gone, deported. Extradited. Like literally they go, oh, you've broken these rules. And because the COVID rules are so strong, she's like, I'll get deported. Yeah. So I'm sitting there thinking, obviously I can never look this person in the eye again.

Yeah. I got her details from someone I know and I don't want anyone to find this out. Would you have got her deported? No. Yeah, me neither. Right. Of all the options you had, you went for the worst one.

Was it? Yes. The hand scoop is so much better because nothing is impacted except for your hand and only for a short time. Where were you when I wish you were there with you? You should have called me. Tony, I'm in a Scandinavian woman's en suite and I've just pooed and there's no toilet paper.

Oh, my God. Do you still have her number? Can we call her? No, she doesn't live here anymore. Can we call her? No. I want to know what happened when she found it. I want to die.

Can we call her? No, I want to die. Can we please call her? No, this is why I didn't bring it up at the time. Can we please call her? No. No. Because I really...

I don't know her number. You do. I don't. I need to know what she did when she found the shitty towel. I need to know. I need, you do. I don't. I need to know what she did when she found the shitty towel. I need to know. Don't call it a shitty towel. She's like, these are really nice. They're Sheridan.

They're not shitty. Can we call her? No. I need to know what she did. Oh, I could die. Oh, my God. I can't believe you did did. Oh, I could die. Oh, my God. I can't believe you did that. That is fucking next level.

Play the ad. I'm out of here. I quit. Hi, this is Max from Washington, D.C., and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. I am shaken up about that. Welcome back to the podcast. During that quick little interlude, Tony, more mortified. I can't believe that that's the route you went down, I think.

I would like to know, because we always put an episode thread in our Facebook group, Tony and Ryan Podcast on Facebook. You can join and we always have an episode thread about episodes, kind of self-explanatory. But we have an episode thread every single day and I would love for people to say what they were doing in that situation because you picked wrong, I feel. All right, well, we would like to say a big thank you to our champion tarpers.

Let's hope that Ryan never shits on your towel. I feel like we're at a point of like... There's no returning from that. There's no coming back. Our relationship's different now. Morgan Allen, thank you so much. Madeline Carmichael, Kimberly Majors, Kimberly Miners, Ali Duckett and Bailey Bansgrove, thank you so much.

Mucho. Thank you, mucho. Thank you, mucho. The movie this week. The Grinch. We're doing two weeks of Christmas movies. This week was Tony's favourites. Yeah.

Do you know what, though? I realised I forgot so many great Christmas movies. Christmas with the Cranks, The Holiday, Love Actually. Was Meet the Robinsons one? No, that's not a Christmas movie. That's a cartoon movie I wanted to watch. Oh, was that the week before? Yeah, that was the week before.

Because Bridget said, is there a reason that Meet the Robins? Because I think you said, oh, that's one of my favourites as well. I forgot to put it on. Yeah. And then Bridget read the synopsis. It's not about Christmas. No. What's it about?

No, it's a kid's movie. It was for the week before. Yeah, so what happened? It's about time travel and, like, inventors. And why does the guy want to travel in time? Because he's an orphan. So I didn't know this and Bridget goes, is there a reason why you didn't choose the movie

where the mother leaves the baby at the doorstep? Yeah, well, that actually makes sense. She's like, oh, was that a deliberate choice? And I was like, no, why was it? And she goes, oh, no, no reason. I didn't even think. Sorry, it's a fucking really sad movie no well i think for people that don't have trauma it is i think it's not funny i think it's sad correct answer yes hey um but

you said and even before we put the voting up on patreon you were like the grinch is my favorite christmas movie ever i'm so relieved that everyone picked that because it's very good now but you and even when you came in this morning, skipping into the studio, so excited, re-watched my favourite movie, had all these fun facts. You're like, don't you try and come in here with some fact that I don't know about because I already know all of them. What was that thing you said about Jim Carrey?

Well, that it took him like, I can't actually remember, I should probably Google it but I'm very lazy, that it would take him like six or eight hours to like get in make-up and hair every single day because obviously it's very involved because the prosthetics of the nose and, you know, eyelash extensions and all the wigs and stuff, like crazy. I couldn't believe, yeah, when I was watching, all I could think about was not necessarily the time in makeup

but just how have they made this because the whole sets look incredible. It looks incredible. The world they've built and like it's just someone who works in the biz. I'm like, have they built this? Because the whole set looks incredible. It looks like the world they've built. It's just someone who works in the biz. I'm like, have they built this? Is it CGI? How did they make his face like that? Well, it's pretty old now, The Grinch.

Yeah, that's what I mean. The technology wasn't the same. Have you watched Gossip Girl? Have you ever watched Gossip Girl? No, but Bridget's obsessed and she said that that's the girl. Taylor Monson, yeah. So Jenny in Gossip Girl. But she in Gossip Girl is a bit of like alternative goth whatever. And that's what she is now.

Like she's in a band. She's very cool. But at the time she's like the innocent, beautiful young girl. Yeah, Cindy Lou Who. Yeah. And she's got a little, she's so fucking cute. Adorable. And Bridget goes, hey, see this photo?

That's her. Yeah. I was shook. More shook than when I was in the bathroom. Shit on the her. Yeah. I was shook, more shook than when I was in the bathroom. Shook on the towel. Yeah. But you said something really horrible to me this morning when you walked in. I did.

Because I said, I'm so excited. Like, thankfully, the Patreon have all voted for my very favourite Christmas movie. Yep. What did you say? It wasn't a personal, it wasn't a, I fell asleep. But that was more to do with me being tired than the movie not being engaged. What did you do last week? Do you have work every day?

Yeah. Do you have a big week? Yep. Did you work every day this week? Not at the radio station. Yeah. You had a week of annual leave, didn't you? I had a week of annual leave from the radio station so I could focus on my other jobs.

What other jobs. What other jobs? The Tony and Ryan podcast. What else? I drove Bridget to work one day. Okay, but I was just making sure that you're not of other jobs, not me. Studying for an MBA.

Oh, yeah, of course. Anyway. I'm between subjects, but. So you fell asleep in The Grinch. Have you ever watched it before? No. Okay, so where did you get to? He had won the award, but he hadn't got the trophy yet.

That's so early in. So you know how he's like, oh, I want the trophy, and they're like, cool, but before the trophy you have to eat all the cake and you have to eat all the fudge and then all that stuff and then he gets angry and shot back home. Yeah. And is that pretty much what happened? That's it? No.

So then he's really upset so he dresses up as Santa and steals everyone's trees and presents. All the Who's wake up and all the presents are gone but he's got everything. Cindy Lou Who goes up Mount Crumpet and then she's up there and he's like, oh, my God, I've realised that, like, actually I do love Christmas and it's all about being together and being with family and, like, loving each other.

And then he goes down the mountain, returns everything, and everyone spends Christmas at his house in his cave. Why couldn't you have just told me that last week? That would have saved a lot of time. Are we fighting again? I I put it on your tail? I'm never mean about your favourite movies. I did not like it. I'll tell you who was the best person in the show. I watched American Psycho

for you and not for the podcast. I watched The Prestige last week because you always talk about it so I watched that last week. What did you think? I liked it. But I watched that for you. That's not something I would normally watch. I watched The Grinch for you. But you fell asleep. You didn't even watch the whole thing and now you're being a jerk about it.

I'll tell you who's great. You're being a fucking Grinch. Who? You and a bad moon. I fucking am actually now. Who was your favourite? The dog, Max. Max.

Max! He's so great though. And then right in the first scene, obviously most of my commentary will be on the first few scenes because that's all I got to. Fair enough. The Grinch was about to leave Mary Lou to get crushed in the present machine in the post office. I know. But Max wasn't having to borrow that because Max has a conscience.

And if it wasn't for Max's work, the whole rest of the thing would never have happened. Yeah, and even more happens based on Max in the rest of the movie. Of course. That old dog. Yep. In everything or two. But, yeah.

What's the deal with do we like, and obviously now that we know how it ends, I feel like the Grinch is someone you're not supposed to like, but I kind of felt sorry for him right from the get-go. No, I think that people do feel sorry for him because it's like he's. He was the outcast and the ugly kid and they all teased him and made fun of him because I just assumed that he was like the ultimate villain.

But the whole movie I was like, no, I'm on your side, bro. Like the whole, most of the people, especially the mayor, were so mean. Yeah. And they all bullied him at school and stuff. Yeah. It's not very nice. I think it's designed to make you go like, oh, he's a jerk.

But then as soon as you kind of start seeing the thing, you're like, oh, actually, like, you're an outcast. He's just a guy going about his day. Outcast, yeah. You know what's funny? The girl he was flirting with in primary school, how she was just like. Martha May. Yeah.

She was just so about him. Yeah. That was really funny. So you would have missed it, but. Did they get together? Oh, yeah. So she leaves her partner, who's a dude. So the mayor proposes to her.

Yep. At the hubulation. Yeah. And then she says, well, I'll have to think about it. And then he's like, but not only that, some gifts. It's a new car. I think I saw that bit, yeah. And, like, he proposes to her and she's just like, well,

these gifts are rather dazzling. And then anyway, like. Then the Grinch gets it. He takes the ring and he goes, kiss it, Hillville, with the mistletoe on his butt. And then anyway, they end up together. That's good. I like that.

Yeah, which is fine. Because that mare was a jerk. Now, what do you, and I'm sorry that I didn't stay awake through it. I'll catch up. It's okay. I just feel like you don't really respect me. I have never. I'm just upset about that.

Used one of your towels. And I want you to about that...used one of your towels. And I want you to respect that. Yeah, that is nice. I've got dark towels as well, so I wouldn't notice. I've looked at them. You've thought about it. Every time I go to a bathroom now, I'm like, what colour are those towels?

How did you all use that? What would you... And I feel like there's a bit of tension here and I don't like that. Yeah. And it's definitely not your fault. Yeah, thanks for clearing that up. I wasn't worried's a bit of tension here and I don't like that. Yeah. And it's definitely not your fault. Yeah, thanks for clearing that up. I wasn't worried that at all. No, but I just want you to know that I know.

Yeah, good. Yeah, good. What should we do to bring us closer together and to, you know, get a bit of the Christmas spirit? Okay. As part of the Tony and Ryan team. So last week I talked about how the scariest thing that can happen in a workplace is someone suggesting Secret Santa.

We should do a Secret Santa. Now, before anybody says anything, I understand that saying Secret Santa obviously implies that it will be a secret. But to make it fair, because obviously we want it to be fair, I'll put the names in a hat so neither of us know who we get. So normally say if I got, okay, say when we all worked at Kiss. Yep. I get you in the KK and I know that you and Jane are really good friends.

Yep. I would like go, hey, Jane, I've got Tony. Yep. Like, what is she like? And, you know, you always get like. Yeah. Or if it's like with family or friends, you would ask their, like, partner. Like, I'll go, hey, Torbs, I've got Tony.

Oh, what should I get for Tony? Yeah. So considering there's just two of us. Who's the. Who's the authority on the other person? Who's the intermediary? Yeah, there isn't one. Okay, ready?

Okay. So I've got a jingly Santa hat. Now what happens if I draw myself? We'll cross that bridge. I'll have to go again. All right. What are the chances? 50%.

What are the chances? All right, both of our names are going in the heart. Oh, a nice jingle. Thank you. Am I going first? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Ready? Okay. So you're going to put your hand in the hat and pick a name out. Don't say who you got. I got me. I'll have to go again. Go again. Go again.

It's exciting. What are the chances? 50%. Who'd you get? Don't say anything. I'm talking. It's exciting. What are the chances, 50%? Who'd you get? Don't say anything. Can't say. Don't say anything. Can't say.

All right, now I'm going to pick Jingle-E-Hat. Oh, yes. Okay. All right. Don't say who you got. Now, what's the spending limit? Ooh. All right, do we go crazy and say $100 or do we go $20?

How fucking rich have you become? Pretty rich. I can't even afford toilet paper. Mate, I can shit on towels and just throw them out. That's how rich you are. Let's go $30. Okay, $30 we can spend on whoever we got. Yeah.

Maybe you should have kept yourself. Whoever we got. Yeah. Maybe you should have kept yourself. So, and we'll deliver them next Thursday, which is our last show before Christmas. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So we've got a week to prepare.

To prepare. And we'll be on the same day reviewing your favourite Christmas movie that people vote for in their Patreon. Yep, you can vote for it now. Yeah, Tony and Ryan Patreon, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. This is exciting. It is quite fun, isn't it? So, maybe

should we give each other some hints or is this just like pure, unadulterated, we have to know each other and do a good job? I'll give you not a hint, but a phrase. Okay. Wait, no, you're not giving it to me. You're giving it to whoever got you.

I'm just putting it out there. Put it out there. I'm putting it out there. Yep. I will know how much this person respects me and loves me by the gift they give me. Yep. I think you can.

So if it's not a great gift, I'll know what they think. Do you know what I think you need to fucking keep in mind? How good I am at buying and wrapping gifts. Well, I don't know if you've got me or not. But I think that's what we need to keep in mind. Your thoughts, if, okay, whoever I give the gift to, if I gave it to them in a gift bag. I will throw up. I will shit on your towels.

So with that in mind, should I put the receipt in so you can take it back? Thank you. This whole week's podcast has been worth it. Yeah, it has. Thank you. It has. Thank you. Now, is this one of those ones where after the gift has been given,

we will reveal who we had? Yeah, don't go on the surprise. No, no, but like after. Because sometimes it stays a mystery. Oh, yeah, afterwards that's fine because then we can say thank you to whoever has. That's a nice touch. That's a nice touch.

Is there anything. This is really cute, eh? I think it's so cute. Is there anything for whoever's got you? Yeah, yeah. What would you like to put out there to the universe about what you might be expecting? All right, great question.

I feel like whoever's got me should know me well enough that they can come up with a great gift that I'll love without needing any hints. But that is a hint. No. I'm sure that whoever's got me knows me well enough that they can buy me a great gift without me giving them any hints. I'm sure whoever's got me will know that a $30 limit is just a guide.

Oh, 100%. $30 limit? $50 at least. If the limit's $30 and you spend under $50, I know you fucking hate me. Yeah, like you obviously don't give a fuck about Christmas. spend under 50, I know you fucking hate me. Yeah, like you obviously don't give a fuck about Christmas. I feel like the physical gift is always great accompanied by a performance.

Not that one, not that one. Okay. Well, you know how I said when you go to Jane's family that you should like prepare a poem? Do a poem, yeah. I'm going to need the monetary value to be high if there's a poem involved. Maybe you could do another agnostic poem. There once was a person called God.

All right, let's get out of here. But next week we will be exchanging the gifts. Yeah. I'm really excited about it, actually. Oh, I lost my piece of... Oh, no, here it is. Oh, no. Oh, you could have forgotten who you had.

Yeah. I'll put that in my jacket. I've got someone so good. I don't. Does anyone want a spot? Something you love to see. Oh. This is a big asterisk on this Do You Love Me?

Okay. I love it when people send us messages, join the Facebook group, or come and say g'day and be like. It makes us feel so special. Hey, been listening to the pod. Thank you so much. Yep. A lot of people have been like, hey, you know, COVID's got me down.

You guys put a smile on my face. Yeah. It makes me feel nice that I can contribute something to this world. A hundred percent. Even if that is a dumb joke. A dumb joke. Yeah feel nice that I can contribute something to this world. A hundred percent. Even if that is a dumb dick joke. A dumb joke. Great that I can do something. However,

there's an asterisk. A few weeks ago, we did a segment called Things You Can Say at the Dentist and also in the bedroom. Yeah. What I don't love to see is our actual dentist listening to the podcast. She loves it.

And in particular... She loves it. So I went to the dentist this week. Yeah, me too. I went yesterday. Oh, hey, Ryan. Hey, Dr Manu. She goes, oh, so I saw the segment about what you can say to your dentist and in the bedroom.

And just a reminder, said Dr Manu, I'm the one whitening your teeth today. You don't love to see that. I don't love to see that. I don't love to see that. I just, you know, check up clean, bit of whitening, you know, take all the coffee stains off, thanks. Yeah. She couldn't even look me in the eye.

And she's so lovely. She's lovely. And she's so sweet as well. A little too sweet. Yeah. Oh, actually, I've got another. Actually, no, go, go. She's lovely. And she's so sweet as well. A little too sweet. Yeah. Oh, actually, I've got another. Actually, no, go, go. Oh, no, mate, you go.

There was a time when you didn't know where you were going to be on Christmas Day. And I said, hey, hey, no pressure. But if you don't have anywhere to be, you're always welcome over. Yeah. Luckily, Jane and her family have welcomed around. All good. My grandma said, oh, so Tony's not coming anymore? Oh, well, now that I've got a spare seat,

tell George Wendell he's welcome any time. Grandma. Recently single, by the way. Oh. Pretty sure you're not George's type. Sorry, what? Recently single. I didn't know a nice way to say it.

Well, she didn't get divorced. I also cannot believe she listens to this podcast. I thought she was just saying that to be nice, but when she started referencing George Wendell, so I was like, Grandma, don't listen to that. And she also gave us a bit of an air check. She goes, I wasn't really sure about it at first, but, you know, I'm really getting into it.

I like the content. Like, is she a connoisseur? She knows the word content. She's up and about. She's covering it all. I really appreciated that. Would you say you love to see it? I do love to see that.

Great. And that's my love to see it. Is my grandma inviting George Wendell over for Christmas? Oh, my gosh. She's going to get more than Wendell over for Christmas. Oh, my gosh. She's going to get more than she's paid for for that. Wash your towels after. Even if they're white. That's my grandma.

Yeah. See you all when ready to meet. Sorry that I wiped my butt with a meow. Grand meow. Sorry that I wiped my butt with a te-meow. Grand meow.