Toni and Ryan - Ryan's A F*ckhead

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Petty shit, and getting sucked in to a good deal. Love ya!! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Author Tony Lodge is here. My name is Ryan. We are calling Stephen Gonzalez, who is in Colorado. And what do you know about Colorado? I'd love to Colorado there. Hello? Stephen! Hi, is this Tony? It is! And Ryan also. Yeah. Will you approve this podcast? Tony. It is. And Ryan also. Yeah.

Will you approve this podcast? Yeah. Hell yeah. Woo! This is Stephen Gonzalez from Denver, Colorado, and I fucking approve this podcast. Sweet. All right, coming up today, have you been sucked into buying something? Was it a special?

It was on sale. They were running a promotion and you just got got. You end up with shit you didn't even want, extra features you don't need. And I, would you say it's out of character, Tony? It wouldn't be if it was me, probably. Like, because I get sucked into lots of stuff. But the fact that it was you, I would not get sucked into this. You have to be a certain type of person.

But I'm not that type of person. Well, apparently you are. Well, I didn't think I was. But you have to be a certain type of person to do this thing and you've done it and it was quite shocking. I actually think maybe it's an Australian thing with the castle. It's like the love of a bargain. Yeah.

Maybe it becomes more exciting than the actual thing you're buying. Yeah, because you go, but I'm getting such a good deal. Yeah. Yeah. I think everyone's got a little bit of that in them, I think. And I'm embarrassed. And as soon as I told Tony, I was like, and I was rightfully roasted. Yeah. We'll get to that soon. Before we get there though, I saw this tweet online and it's very, very petty, but it's almost petty to the point where I thought

it's actually not even petty anymore. It's quite evil. So there's a tweet here and it's been shared by best of next door and their caption is vicky just ordered spike strips so people will learn to stop using her circular driveway to turn around wow so vicky whose last name has been scrubbed out posted i hate to be this person dot dot dot and then her Amazon cart filled with those spike strips that, like, the police use to stop, like, getaway cars. I didn't think they existed outside of the Fast and Furious franchise. But as if you can buy those. Because, A, what a fucking horrible thing to do.

Yeah. B, dangerous. Yep. Right? Vicky says, I'm so tired of people using my circular drive as a pull-through to turn around, so much so that I posted a sign at the end of my driveway and apparently that isn't enough. That said, I just put two of these spike strips in my Amazon cart

and they'll be here on Monday. Should have paid for Prime. Things will work out the way they work out. Shrug emoji. Well, hang on. You can't interfere with nature and then say, oh, what will be will be because you're being it. You're doing the thing.

Yeah, you're changing. You're altering history. Do you reckon that sounds like a six-year-old who's just like swinging punches going, well, if you get in the way, that's not my fault. Exactly right. And it's almost like it begins i think a sign right so she goes oh i did the sign and that didn't work now i'm doing this the sign that's petty and that's also probably like a pretty good boundary and being like you know what this actually

really fucks me off and instead of just sitting here stewing in my filth and being fucked off i'm gonna do something about it what about if you put in the sign saying, I've put spikes down, but then not having done it? Well, yeah, I think that's okay because you're not actually damaging. Yes, yeah. But I think because if you said, oh, I've installed tyre spikes, then at least like. Oh, she's not fucking around, better not turn around.

Actually, if you've got to turn around, what are you going to do then? Well, that doesn't really matter. But I do get that if it was happening all. Actually, if you've got to turn around, what are you going to do then? Well, it doesn't really matter. But I do get that if it was happening all the time, like you would get fucked off. But this is like, this is quite far, I think. And because, and I'm assuming, I hate to cast aspersions, but I'm assuming this happened in America. Why is that?

Well, I mean. Because you can't buy tire spikes off Amazon anywhere else in the world? Well, I don't even know where you could get. But, like, isn't there a thing of, like, damaging someone else's property? Like, if someone, like, parks in your car spot, you can't just fucking slash their tyres. Sure you can. Have you not read the Facebook page of your apartment building?

Yeah, it gets threatened a lot. Who's fucking parked in my spot? I'll slash your tyres. But the same way that, like. Who's that hot guy in the apartment next to me? I'll show him a good fucking time. Anyone know what building 603 is in? Is it in 603?

No, because you know how that- Is it Beast Car Park 603? No, no, it's not 603. What is it? I don't know, actually. He knows what it is. He knows it's him. Has he reached out?

Nah, but the other day I was waiting for an Uber out the front and he was getting dropped off by somebody else and I just turned to the side. Was it another woman? I don't know who it was. Is he cheating on you? I don't know. We're not together. Was it a guy or a girl? I don't know. I turned to the side and was like watching my Uber on their app. Anyway.

Did we like a bit giddy? No, I was embarrassed because I was like, what if someone, what if he's listened or someone's listened and told him or something? I don't know. Even though that would be basically impossible. He knows. Anyway, so I just thought that that was actually a thing that like if you,

because, yeah, if someone does something to you, you can't just like steal their stuff. No. Like say if you, yeah, like looked at me funny in the shop, I can't just like take your phone and throw it in the ocean. Oh, fuck. As an example. I've got a few apologies to send.

Yeah. Oh, I can got a few apologies to send. Yeah. Oh, I can't. Fucking hell. So I posted in our Facebook group this tweet and I said, what is the most petty thing you've ever seen or ever done? Yeah. Because even though this is probably not that petty, this is probably more evil and just a bit nasty,

I thought you do love to see someone getting their fucking a little bit of revenge. I've been rubbing my hands together in anticipation for the pettiness of tapas. Well, somebody, so everyone is anonymous. I don't have anyone's name. And there was a comment that said, this girl is genius about the tyre strips.

Oh, not about the person throwing the bread into the train. Also a genius move. The bread into the train? The chips into the train. Oh, you had issues with that being called a genius move by the guy at the Richmond train station. Please continue. Oh, wasn't that?

Pigeon Man. The pigeon thing. Yeah, genius. Wasn't that shown that it was like an urban myth? Nah, genius. I'm pretty sure that I read that on the thing. Anyway, so this person has said this girl is genius as long as she remembers to move the slasher strips

for when she needs to drive or if she's expecting visitors. Can you imagine if- That's a really good point. Your mate Vicky calls you up and says, did you want to come over for tea, toast and tablets? And you go, fuck, I'd love to. And then you rock up and you need four new fucking tires. She goes, I got those off Amazon. Probably order you some new tires.

I'll be here by next week. Well, we'll be next week. She's going to be here tomorrow if you need. Yeah. That's a really fucking good point. Yeah. Because then otherwise, how are you going to, like what are you doing, pulling them in and out every time?

Terrible. Anyway, there's a few comments here that I'd love to share. This is from Anonymous. Our neighbour's friend emptied rubbish from their car into our recycle bin. You know how people are very protective of their bins? Yeah. So I took it all out and put it on the neighbour's driveway. But it was their friend.

So the neighbour. Oh, it was the neighbour. The neighbour's friend. Oh. So the neighbour had a visitor over. Yeah, nah, fuck yeah. And they put heaps of stuff into their bin. So our tarpa put all of the rubbish back

onto their driveway. Why are people funny about bins? I don't know. I actually have no idea. Because some people get real. Who fucking cares? The only way I can think that it matters is that you're filling your bin to the brim every week and just like the space is.

But then putting it on the next door in the driveway. Imagine if you got caught doing that. Would you just die? Yes. I would also just never. Excuse me, neighbor Tony, what are you doing? Oh, well, your fucking friend drove over here and put this fucking bin so I'm putting it back.

Like when you say it out loud, surely you go, don't worry about it. I'll take it back actually. Like it's one of those things that you would sit on yourself and go, that's really fucked me off. But you wouldn't do anything. But then as well I get it. Like if that's your – Actually speak louder than words, Tony.

Don't just sit there and get fucked off. Like that's fucked you off then, you know, whatever. All right. Our next tapper has said, nearly five years ago I came out of a very abusive relationship, which is fucking awful, leaving me living back at my parents' house with no money and also being cut off from lots of my friends and just feeling really powerless and really shit. I did everything for him so I resorted to the only thing I had access to,

which was our online account for grocery shopping. was our online account for grocery shopping, I removed every saved shopping list and unfavorited all of our favorite items. Oh my God. So when he logged on thinking he could easily just like add all the previous things, he wouldn't have to and he'd have to search for everything individually. What a fucking bitch move. It's so petty. How long did that take her?

Probably ages. Longer than it would take him to redo it? I mean, who's wasting whose time now? But if you never did the shopping, you probably wouldn't even know where to begin. Like you'd go, fuck. And there's so much stuff on the – you can get lost in there for days. Yeah.

And she said it wasn't much and it was pretty petty, but it felt really good to do something. And just because you know that he'd log in there and go, fuck. Would he know, though? Well, I guess he'd go, fuck, doesn't it have all the favourites in it? Well, it would show you if you'd logged in. But would he know that's her? I mean, if you'd logged in before and it was normally there

and then something went down and it wasn't. And there's only two people. You know. That's good though. I think so. And he's gritting through tears. Yes, I will get the regular milk. I think it's also just really creative.

Like I would never think of that. And so that impresses me because I'm like, that's really thinking outside the box. Yeah. Maybe they should win an award like an innovation creativity. Yeah, I think so. These marketing people are getting too many awards and not enough real geniuses and real creatives like this.

I like that. Real geniuses. The next one is my friend and I had a falling out because her boyfriend was crap. A year later, I found out her boyfriend was selling drugs out of her mum's house. So I called the cops and now he's in jail. Oh, my God.

That's not petty. That's super sleuthing. Yeah, so she went, no, you're doing the wrong fucking thing. And so she called the cops. So I know we don't get the follow-up, but I guess I'm waiting for the friend to be like, oh, so it turns out fucking Jono was selling. Great name for the situation.

Yeah, was selling drugs and shit at my mum mum said, that's a pretty fucked day. And then the friend's like, oh, no, babe. You're joking. You've got to be kidding me. That sucks. Kathleen, how did that happen? Yeah, just let me get, I'll put on a kettle. We'll have a cup of tea.

We'll have an Earl Grey. We'll have an Earl Grey. And, oh, babe, I feel so sorry for you. Oh, I'm so sorry. Just come around and hang out here any time. Did you still want to be best friends again, though? Because I didn't like you for a while, but now we're back on? Yeah, now we agree that he's a drug dealer and behind bars.

Yes. But isn't that good? I feel like. Did she know, do you reckon? I don't know. Is she a proceed of crime? Is she an accomplice? The friend you met?

No, like the girlfriend. Yeah. Oh. Did she know he was dealing? I don't. Maybe she's behind the bars as well. I think you do know that. You do know.

Like even if you know a little bit and you're like letting it go, I feel like you know. I mean, you used to know a little. Now you know a lot. Yeah, and now she's just Kathleen from the block. And you know where you came from. Yeah, Jono's in the cell block. Cell block.

Very good. Anyway, yeah, so there's all these follow-ups. He doesn't have a job, but he's always buying me stuff with cash. Yeah, he's got gucci dollars but uh um this one is the pettiest thing i'll publicly admit to is getting back out of my car and going back into the shopping center because someone beeped at me to get out of the car space for them and i'd do that again. That wasn't me, but I would do that 100%.

They're putting their bags in and then does it really, even though there's nothing malicious about it, someone is parked, they've got their indicator on, and they're watching you put the bags in. And you're trying to get your kids in the car. And it's just like, stop pressuring me, dog. Fucking get off my case. But also.

I'm stressed. And then you just go, oh, no, sorry, and then walk back into the centre. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I also just hate, like, if you are sitting there with your indicator on, right, that's actually okay. Like you're allowed to, if you're patiently waiting,

I think that's fine. But to beep and be like, hurry up, fuck you. Because when I get in the car, I like to set up all my music. Like I don't drive anywhere without like songs queued up in Spotify. Yeah. Even if I'm driving somewhere that will take less than a song, I always queue up music. Yeah, that does make sense.

So how long would you say from getting to the car until you actually being out of the spot and driven off could take? Like a minute or two. Okay. Which is a long time to sit there and wait. Yeah, and watch other cars go past and stuff. But, like, you know, because I'm, like, putting my shopping in the car and then I'll pop my handbag on the front seat and then I'll sit down

and then I'll queue up a few things or, like, do my Google Maps depending on where I'm going or whatever. And then, yeah, I'd say, like, a good minute or two. But, like, if someone beeped at me, I would do the same thing. I'd be like, you know what, fuck you, and I'd get out of the car and then I'd walk back in. Oh, I was just getting some shopping, but you know what I was also planning? To check out the lounges at Ikea.

Yeah, or go and have a lovely sit-down meal at the pizza place in the fucking food court. Do you know what would be even pettier? Like to give an extra little cherry on top. Yeah. Instead of like storming off to go back inside for ages, just give them the, just one sec. Yeah, oh, just be one minute. Just one minute.

And then going in for an hour. Or you Just give them the, just one sec. Yeah. Oh, just be one minute. Just one minute. Just one second. And then going in for an hour. Or you just sit there and you just watch them like this. Stare at them. Just wait. And if they beep again, then you get out and then you put the tire strikers down. Oh, when you raised your fist, I thought you meant just go and fucking light them up.

No, no, no, no. You go and put the tire spikes down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last one I have here is just, oh, my God, so good. Unfortunately, we have a not-so-nice family member that has put my immediate family through hell and back. There's one in fucking every family, aye? Every family, yeah. We heavily believe in karma,

so we've never done anything hectic to retaliate. The Earth, the planet, will take care of it itself. However... We gave the Earth a helping hand. Well, yeah, the helping hand... The Earth is taking a sweet-ass time. So we thought, let's hurry this up, Earth.

We ordered a massive bag of keys and some tags to attach to them. So you know those little... I've seen this. Yeah, you know those little plastic tags and you can write some information on them? On the tags, we wrote her first name and phone number,

placed them miscellaneously in many places just around town, and we hope and pray that the good citizens of the world find these keys and give her a ring to let her know that she's lost some keys. Hey, Tony, have you lost a key of yours? What? No, I don't think so. Yeah, it's got your name and number on it.

Oh, no, I don't think I've lost anything. Oh, so you're just going to let a stranger walk around with your key to your house? Well, I guess not. Yeah, I guess you're going to go and pick it up, aren't you? Or be like... How many keys was it again? It just says they ordered a massive bag of keys and tags. So I'm guessing that on Amazon they ordered 100 keys.

Yeah, just random keys. And then she says, hopefully many phone calls. Oh, fuck, that's good. I love that. Because it's not actually, like, you're not endangering anyone. You're not putting anyone at risk. It's just fucking annoying. Yeah, and there's no end to it.

No, it just could go on forever. Would you say it's untraceable? Pretty much. Yeah, I mean, now, no, there's the digital footprint because we've talked about it and she wrote about it online. Yeah, I mean, keep it to yourself. You know, there was this really nasty boy at school called Lee and he just used to say really horrible,

nasty stuff to me. What an asshole. Just a real fucking cockhead. Do you know where he lives? Not anymore. I mean probably still in Rolling Stone. And he was fucking really nasty to me and I got his phone number and signed him up to just random like marketing stuff. And so if I ever like wanted to like enter a competition or whatever,

I'd like enter for myself and then I'd enter for him so that he would then get like the marketing texts and marketing calls. And you know what? Like it's actually not going to impact him at all. He's going to go, fuck, why am I getting all this spam? And it was years ago before spam was really a thing. Excuse me. Having an inbox full of bullshit isn't not hurting anyone.

It's stressful. It was texts and calls. Yeah, I had his phone. No one had an email back then. Do you reckon he could figure out it was you by the type of competitions he was being signed up for? Nah, probably. Oh, and he probably just wouldn't have even thought of it.

He was like, hmm, I'm getting all these texts to buy an Audi and join a choir. None from Nando's though. Yeah, which is the only thing. Where are my Barry points or whatever it's fucking called? So who could it be? Who was that? Hey, this is Stephen from Colorado, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas. Beth Epley, thank you so much. Jack Davies and Matt Weeks. Oh, he's been part of the Patreon for weeks. Okay. Yep. Good on you, Weeksy. Welcome.

Weeksy. Weeksy. Weeksy. Thank you very much. The big Weeks. The big Weeks. Have you been sucked into buying something i mean we all have right we've all yeah and i talk about a lot about being like a consumerist fucking wet dream like i fall for everything a marketer's dream i am yeah oh everyone has this

you need it and you go okay yeah that is true and like if i watch too much of like daniel's direct you remember the like oh my god the um, like, we're not telemarketing. You've got a lot of gadgets in your kitchen, eh? No, I don't. Because that's the classic, like, KitchenAid, funny knife, cutter, chopper. You know, you've got a lot of stuff. I don't have a lot of stuff.

I think you've got a lot of stuff. I don't have a lot of stuff. What kitchen utensils, what kitchen gadgets do you have? I don't have a KitchenAid. Don't have the bench space. Don't have the bench space. Don't have the bench space. Also don't have the bank account fucking for it. What do we have?

We've got like a potato ricer. Oh, that is classic Dan Osdor X. But that was because during lockdown we made gnocchi like everybody. So we bought one of those online. What other funky things? We've got like one of those lemon juices, like the, you know, we've got one of those. Yeah, I guess we do have a few.

We've got one of those happy chopper things. That's a Tupperware one. And you like put the stuff in it and then you spin it. I got it from my mum. I stole it from my mum when I moved out. Yeah, right. Yeah. She's not using it.

So you gave me a recommendation, Tony, because you're trying to like up your recommendation game. This was a while ago as well. A while ago, when you got the July suitcases. I talked about them on the pod. Yeah. And I said, I bought these suitcases. I know that they're like an Instagram thing.

They're actually really good. So the brand is July, and I was rocking my Anko from Kmart. It retails for about $30. Well, I think even before that you were doing the duffel bag, which is annoying because we started travelling a lot. Yeah. And it's hard when you have to carry something through the airport. Yeah.

Well, I never did the wheelie suitcase. But now I've wheeled, I will never bag again. You never got. No. So I used to duffel as well, but now you've wheeled. Yeah. And the carry-on wheeling, you're actually just better than everyone. You are.

You are. You do feel elite in the airport. So I was using the Kmart one and it broke because I tried to cram a little bit too much in. Because when you're like, oh, I'll just do carry-on. Yeah. And then you think, oh, fuck, actually, I had a bit more than I thought. I'll probably go for a run when I'm there. Better put my runners in. Yeah, fuck that.

Every time. Who am I fucking kidding? Every time. You don't'll probably go for a run when I'm there. Better put my runners in. Yeah, fuck that. Every time. Who am I fucking kidding? Every time. You don't use a hotel gym the way you think you will. No. So the bag's gone. We've got a couple of trips coming up. And I was like, Tony, won't shut the fuck up about these July things.

I'm going to get the July carry-on bag. Yeah, a great choice. Yeah, and I go on. And I don't know if this is just the internet now, but everything's always on sale, right? Oh my God. I swear they put the prices up just to lower them for a discount and then they take them to the actual price that it's supposed to be. Fuck. Don't say that because that makes me feel fucking dumb for what I'm about to say. So I go onto the site and this is how they probably get you. I click off the site and

within four seconds there's an email going, oh, hey, mate, I saw you were looking at the July fucking whatever bag. We'll give you 20% off. Yeah. But it makes you feel special though, doesn't it? It makes you feel in control. It just makes you feel. Well, you just feel like you're the one calling the shots. I'm running this game.

Yep. And I'm saving money now. Yes. It's not me spending money. I'm saving money. Yeah. In fact me spending money. I'm saving money. In fact, it's almost costing me money not to buy it. No, I totally agree. I'm going to make money.

So I'm here making deals and I'm going to get the bag. And this is where. So as soon as you got that email back, you went, oh, here we go. Here we go. We're fucking on here. 20% off. Carry on. And then it goes, oh, here we go. Here we go. We're fucking on here. Yeah. 20% off. Carry on. And then it goes, oh, g'day, Ryan.

The internet starts talking to you. G'day, Ryan. G'day, Ryan. Some people actually get their, oh, I'm so embarrassed. I am so embarrassed. It makes me feel. It's the most cringe thing ever. Some people actually get their name engraved into the case.

Monogrammed. Monogrammed. It's like a cricket. Their initials. Well, do people just get their initials? Fuck, I didn't know that. No, so like if I was going to do it, you'd get like TL. Really? What did you get? I'll't know that. No, so like if I was going to do it, you'd get like TL. Really?

What did you get? I'll get to that. But it says normally this costs $65. But if you like get it now, it's actually free. Today only. I don't think I've been on that website where it hasn't been free. I think it's just free year round. Fuck.

Yeah, and they're waiting for suckers like you. Because getting something, the thought of personalised number plates, makes me vomit. Yep. I used to work with someone that had a lot of personalised things and they had their, like, initials and their phone case and stuff. And it was, do you have that cam? No.

Good. I was like waving around. I was like, that was feral. Disgusting. But then suddenly I forgot about all of this. Yeah. And I forgot about the person who likes to just mind their own business and keep it quiet in the airport, fucking sneak on,

sit down, fall asleep, shut the fuck up. And I was like, well, if it's normally $65 and I'm getting it for free. I'd be crazy not to. It's costing me money. To not have it. I'm making money by getting this. Yeah, totally. Because the value it adds to the case as well.

So I just can't. It's just not for me. It's not for me at all. I'm a very, like, the luggage that I have is plain black. All my clothes, plain. Like, it's just not for me. So when you told me this, obviously. Do people actually get their initials?

Yeah. So like it's normally monogrammed shit. I'm going to send it back. This is very like Steph Clare Smith energy. So she would get like S-C-S. Steph Clare Smith. Yep. Fuck.

You know, like if I was doing it, it would be T-L or whatever. Like you don't get like, I would never get like Tony Lodge. You fucking, do you know, can I try and guess what you got? Please do not tell me that you have expensive luggage that says Ryan John on it. My eyes are closed because I can't look at you. My eyes are closed. I'm refusing to look at you.

And I'm not even talking to you. Neither of us can see anything. Does it say Rhyme John? Or does it say Rhyme Dunn? It says Rhyme John, doesn't it? So you've got your famous boy name engraved on your suitcase. Like a real Instagram influencer. So the moment I realised that this was tacky as fuck.

So you've got like you put your carry-on up into the overhead luggage and it's right next to Boy George's luggage and it says Boy George on it. And, like, I don't know, fucking Jackie O. Because it's your, like, famous nickname, Ryan George. It's not my famous nickname. It's my fucking name. Yeah, but it's, like, not your full name. That would be, like, imagine if on my fucking suitcase it said

Tony Louise. Like, ridiculous. Well, it would be because it doesn't say Tony Felicia. So your luggage? I'm not even at that step yet because let me tell you how I know. Oh, fuck, okay. So it gives you a few font choices. So obviously you just went for, like, plain block capital letters.

Well, the reason. R-J-D at the most. The reason I knew that I was in trouble before. I should have fucking known then. Shit. So. And you can't even send it back once you've had it personalized. No, because it's been personalized.

I can't really tell it yet. There's no other Ryan Johns. They were very clear about it, especially with the spelling. There's no H in John. No. Fuck. No one else's birth mum was dumb enough not to spell her own kid's name right. When I went to the select, it was like a drop-down menu of fonts,

and it looked like, did you ever use WordArt? ClipArt. ClipArt. No, I think it was WordArt and Microsoft Word in like 1994. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's got like angled one. Like a wave. Yeah.

So it wasn't like a smooth Helvetica or a Seren Sanf. What are those? Like the fancy. I know what you mean. The font choices were like, ooh. Yeah. So I picked one. The plainest one?

Okay. Do you have a photo of it? I actually don't. Oh, fuck. That would have been great. I know. I know. And I just remember you. Yeah of it? I actually don't. Oh, fuck. That would have been great. I know. I know. And I just remember you.

Yeah. Anyway. I actually don't. So the thing is I got a black case and I was like, well, I'll just get the black letters so it kind of blends in a little bit. Yeah. So it's like a bit low key. Yeah.

But then they're like, we can't actually do black and black. So we've done gold. So in gold letters on my suitcase. I actually just got a shiver did you see my body jolt it says ryan john like a real baller. On the way home today, I'm going to Bunnings and getting masking tape and just putting a sticker over it. No, that's going to look so, it's going to look even shitter. I think that you just have to own it.

No, I will not own it. I just don't know why you got the fucking personalisation. Because I was calling the shots. Usually they're going to get you for your 65, but fucking not today. And not only am I saving 65 bucks there, I'm getting 20% off because I'm calling the shots. Look, I... I'll tell you why I reckon they do it.

It's because they know fuckheads are going to take a photo of it and share it because they think they're cool and that's how people are sharing their July luggage. Probably. I mean, I shared mine without the personalisation. That's just not for me. I'm just a bit more of a low-key girl. And the thing is is that if you're a fancy boy, that's actually okay.

I don't think I'm a fancy boy though. It fucking seems like it. I know. Gold Ryan John on your suitcase. You know what? I think you've just got to rock it and own it. Who fucking cares? It's luggage.

No one's going to see it. But I actually care. I also don't overly, I mean, I do care a little bit what other people think when they see that, because they'd obviously see it and go, what a fuckhead. But I actually care. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like every time I see it.

I would care. If I had it, I'd be like, that's embarrassing. Every time I see that, I'd be like, this is feral. And every time I walk. I would too. So I'm on your side. Like I'm not, I've been sucked into things. I get it.

Actually, you know what? Does a tarpa want it? It's quite expensive luggage. Well, it's 20% off and I'll save the money on the fucking engraving. Well, you're going to then have to buy another one. You can't give it away. Okay, I'm keeping it. Take that back.

Yeah, no, you can't give it away. But I also don't want it though. I'm not giving it away, but I don't want it. Fuck. Do you think you can send it back and just be like, look, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise and I just actually don't like it. I didn't realise I was a fucking floe. No, but like do you think that you could go, look, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise and I just actually don't like it. I didn't realise I was a fucking flop. No, but, like, do you think that you could go, look,

I thought it would be a bit more low-key than this. Is there any way, like, could I just have a, like, is there a little bit of a, I'm willing to buy another one. Could I have a bit of a discount or, like, is there something you can do? Because they would, you made a mistake. You didn't, you got swept up in the moment. They were to the point where something popped up and said,

are you sure? Yeah, I've done it before. They were quite specific about when you personalise something. As a gift. Sorry, as a gift. I've done it for someone. I mean, you wouldn't because you're not a fucking idiot. They were like, you cannot send this back because it's personalised.

Do you agree? Yes. And it pops up and it's like, but are you sure because? You cannot return it if it's, yeah. Maybe you could get one of those luggage sacks that you put your luggage inside of so that people can't put anything in or take anything out. Maybe you could get like a cover for it. I'm trying to help.

I'm trying to help. Do people really just get their initials? Yeah. I can't believe you did your heart. I can't. Normally what I'll say is that normally they actually have like a three letter limit, like a three character limit. So some of the wider fonts were a limit of five letters.

Sure. But I got a thinner font and that's allowed me to get eight. Unfortunately, it has allowed you to get eight. Yeah, I'm really, yeah, that's not good. If it makes you feel any better. It doesn't. Caitlin Sims in our Facebook group said, I get bamboozled by every single buy one, get one 50% off in a store

because I leave with six T-shirts and I get home that I don't even like and I bought them because I don't even like. And I bought them because I was saving money. Bamboozled is the right word. Yeah, you do. I feel like I've been hoodwinked. You get swept up. Yeah, I get excited.

It's exciting, yeah, and you're excited about your new fucking luggage and whatever. I get it. Do you want to buy a timeshare with me? Only if we can monogram it and put Ryan John's house on the front, but only sometimes because it's a time shape. For two weeks a year. Ella said, spending another four pounds so I don't have to pay £2.99 delivery.

I'm so fucking, I do that all the time. What was the name again? Ella. Ella, that's not silly. You're playing them. Yeah, because would you rather get another thing for the money or just pay for shipping? I mean, I don't want to pay for shipping,

but I do want to get an extra product, put it in the fridge, wait for it to go off and throw it out. I mean, who's really losing it? Not me. That's true. Not me. Jared McQuaig said, I'm always sucked into buying too much stuff that has rewards.

Like when you go, oh, like frequent flyers or like fucking flyer bias points starbucks rewards was the um uh example he gave and said i spent i spend more than i save because i go oh but all the points the points really does get you because it starts getting competitive yeah and you have a goal you like if i get a hundred thousand points i can get a free fly frequent flyers are yeah because and they've introduced this new thing called status credits. Oh, they're a scam. Well, yeah, but that's how you get to be silver or gold or platinum or whatever.

And it sucks you right in. When I got to bronze, because I was travelling a lot when I lived in Perth, it's gone back and forth, so I got to bronze status. And I go, oh, this is awesome. What do I get? And they go, oh, man, you get so much stuff. You're only four credits away from silver. Yeah.

And I went, fuck. How many flights? What do I have to do to get? That's like four or five more flights. And then I get to silver and I got to silver. Congratulations. Thank you. And I was like, this is sick.

What does silver mean? You know what this means? You're only six flights off gold. And then you go, well, now I want to get gold. I couldn't, honestly, I couldn't actually tell you what I got for silver or bronze. Nah. Because then even in the boarding thing, it's like gold only gets priority.

Yeah, gold and platinum or something. Yeah, so I'm like, well, what does silver and bronze get? And they're like, well, nothing actually. Bronze is the base, I think. But then here's the thing. Oh, yeah. You've already booked your seat. We're all going to the same place.

Yeah, you're all getting on there. But it does feel good when you can line up quickly, I think. It's the biggest scam. Oh, yeah, it is a scam. You're right. Points. But points, yeah. Do I have July points?

Jackie said, anything an influencer talks about, even if I don't need it or I've never thought about it before, I'll do it. Buy Tony's book. Yeah, buy my book, buy the July luggage. Probably don't get it personalised. Actually, no, don't fuck those guys. They got nothing out of me.

Well, I was the influencer that talked about it and then you bought it. Well, you're right. I have been influenced by Tony Lodge. We met someone, we know someone who bought an Audi because of you. I know. I've gotten a few messages from people that have done that and that is, is that not the ultimate flex? I'm actually an Audi influencer.

That actually would be the ultimate flex. But Nick says, giving my email to a 16-year-old working in retail, giving them my email because I too work in retail and I know it's a KPI. So when they go, so they go, oh, do you want to sign up to our thing? She always goes, yep, I'd love to because I know that that's going to help them out at the end of the day. But then you end up with 50 fucking emails every time you go shopping

because you give it to every, like you sign up to every fucking reward system. Genuine question. Yeah, question. If someone says to you, hey, Tony, do you want to join our club? In six months you might get a gift on your birthday. Can I have your email address? Or if they go, hey, bro, I'm actually judged on how many email addresses. Can you just sign up for this thing and it'll really help me out?

You'd be more likely to do it the second one. Right? Yeah. Just give it to me and I'll be like, oh, bro, fucking get it, son. Because all you're going to do is get home and unsubscribe. But they still get the point of being like, yeah, no, totally. I just hate saying my email address out loud. It's just a pain in the ass.

TonyLodge69 at Hotmail.com. But, you know, like, and you're fucking trying to spell it out and you don't know whether to say full stop or period or dot at the dot. Oh, no, there's no H in John. My birth mum doesn't know how to spell. Yeah, oh, you actually spell it like this and you just hold up your suitcase and you go, this is my full name. Maybe I should have put my email address on the thing.

Put it on the back of your phone and they go, what's your email? You go. I just hold it up. I mean, they'll email address on the thing. Put it on the back of your phone. They go, what's your email? You go. I just hold it up. I mean, they'll probably do that at July. Talk to your friends at July and they might hook you up. It's more than six letters. I've got a great, you'll love to see it. I know I didn't laugh because I know it was a joke at my expense,

but that was extremely funny. What? The suitcase? Yeah. Thank you. But I just wanted you to know that A, it's extremely funny, but B, because it's at my expense, I'm forcing myself not to laugh out loud because I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.

But it was fun. We'll pick up the suitcase. But it was actually fucking hilarious. Because of no H. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I love to see that. Can that be my love to see it or is that against the rules?

That's a bit. Okay. A bit. Well, I've got a great love to see anyway from Andy in our Facebook group. I think you might have seen this. Andy says, love the podcast. Thanks, Andy. But had this on my watch light up on a crowded as fuck train.

And pretty sure a few people thought I was a pretty sick individual. And it is a photo of Andy's Apple Watch playing Spotify. And the title of the episode? Eating out your mum. To be honest, there was a bit of chat behind closed doors about that. Graphic titles. Graphic titles. Graphic titles. And I think we decided to stick with it, didn't we?

We did stick with it, yeah. What's today's one called? Question without notice? Today's one, Ryan's a fuckhead. Yeah, that's what I was going to go with. Okay, great. I love to see that. My love to see it is from Natalie Mango.

Oh, hi, Natalie Mango. That's her real name. I love being the first person in my street to mow the lawn. Then seeing a chain reaction of peer pressure as neighbouring households reluctantly get out there and cut their lawns as well. Yeah, because they go, fuck, Natalie's done it. The lawn's a bit messy, but the whole street is. Oh, no, fuck, Natalie's done hers.

Now I look like a household. Now I look like a couple. I haven't seen someone look like a bigger flog since that fuckhead Ryan John with a name on his suitcase. You know how I know his name? He told me on his suitcase. No H. Oh, that is good.

I do like that. I love shaming my peers into doing things. Thank you so much for listening today. We'll be back tomorrow. Normal or not? No. Are we? Oh, fuck.

Tomorrow's Thursday. I've got to do a bit of research. Yeah, I was going to say, fucking get home and do some work. Send your normal or nas in through the Facebook thread. Love you, bye.