Toni and Ryan - Ryan's BDE

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

That's BIG DAD ENERGY! I finally prove that I'm a genuine and fantastic friend. Love ya!! Toni xoxox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Oh, Jinx Jinx, personal Jinx, show me your coke. No, I need you to talk, so I'll buy your coke later. Okay, great. I was going to say, if you really want to Jinx me, that's fucking a really bad time. Not a good time, yeah. There's no podcast today. It's just me talking to myself. We're calling Angela in Brisbane, and she may not know

that we're calling her, so bear with us. But let's go to BrisVegas. Angela. Hi, it's Angela. Angela. Hi, Angela. Sorry, we were bombing you up. It's Tony and Ryan. Oh, my God.

How are you guys? Yeah, we're good. Sorry. So we obviously tried to call you many times. You tried to call us back. Now we're calling you. Will you approve the podcast? I'm just fucking really happy.

Oh, Angie, fucking legend. Thank you. Hey, it's Angela from Brisbane and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up on the video show. And by the way, yes, this is a video show as well as listening. You can watch it on the Spotify app and your smart TV. And it's very hot in here. So if you can hear the fan, it's the fan.

Can you actually hear it that much? I don't know if you can hear it. Okay, if you can hear it, message us and we'll stop using the fan, but it is quite nice having some air in this room. Otherwise it gets really fucking hot. Yeah. Should we call out Dylan Friends for not getting the air con installed like they said they would?

The air con is in the box downstairs. We'll need approval to install it. Yeah, we're waiting on the installation. Coming up today, I'm a few months away from becoming a father and would you say you've got some educational advice or maybe some do's and don'ts? Maybe like a dad insight, maybe. Well, as you know, I'm reading lots of – sorry, edit.

As you know, I'm ordering lots of books. Yes, yes. No, leave that in. No, because you've ordered lots. You've bought many. I was about to say I'm reading lots of books. Haven't read many. I'm ordering books.

I'm looking at covers. I'm reading reviews of books on Amazon, so obviously I'm invested. Yeah, almost. That's coming up soon. One thing I love about the of books on Amazon, so obviously I'm invested. Yeah. Almost. But that's coming up soon. One thing I love about the TARP community, and also I will point this out with the confessions we're doing as well, they're real confessions from real people that listen to this podcast. And I love that we've created a community where people feel

they can share their stories. Now, when we started the pod, I think we had a fucking field day of people telling us their harrowing, like, first dates and hookup stories. Yes. And then as new people come to the pod, they go, hey, I've only just found you guys. Have a listen to this. Yeah.

And so can I say to this tarpa, I'm not even going to name her because it's that cooked. Yeah. I think we need to be better with the anonymity. Yep. Let's just call her Travelling Tarpa. Travelling Tarpa. Travelling Tapa. That sounds very fun.

And the reason she's Travelling Tapa is because she went on exchange to Italy when she was in university. So she did a semester abroad in an Italian university. Wouldn't that just be gorgeous? What a fucking dream come true. I always wanted to go on exchange, but I never did because it's like, isn't it crazy expensive? No, well, sometimes it's free.

Or do you just swap with like, say if I went to Germany, then maybe like a German person would stay with my family or whatever? Yeah, and then so a lot of at uni at the moment, I think I told you I had dinner the other night in class break with a guy from Toronto. Oh, Toronto. Toronto. Don't say the T.

And I said, oh, where are you staying? And he goes, oh, do you know Mohammed who went here? And I was like, oh, it's a huge union. Yeah. And he goes, oh, well, I'm staying in his place and he's at the University of Toronto staying in my apartment. So they literally just did a straight up swap. When I was in primary school, this Canadian family swapped houses with, like, an Australian family from Rollystone.

They swapped, like, houses, cars, lives, everything for a whole year. Straight up? Yeah. Husbands? Yeah. Literally the whole family up and left. That's sick. Yeah.

So, like, the family from Rollystone were in Canada for a whole year and the Canadian family stayed with us. And, yeah, like, so they were there for an entire year. And, yeah, they used their car, their house, like literally everything. Do you reckon me and Torps could swap for a month? Houses or like just the two of you? I mean, mate.

Wives, straight up. Well, we're not married, so is that a technicality of like couldn't be a wife swap, so not available? I don't think I could live with you I'll check the fine print nah fuck no actually yeah yeah you're right

half an hour a day is that's enough okay you said it yeah I know and you agreed yeah um

hi I love your podcast so much um so this is from Travelling Tapa Travelling Tapa and where did Travelling Tapa send this through to uh this is via TravellingTarpa. TravellingTarpa. And where did TravellingTarpa send this through to? This is via Patreon, a DM on Patreon.

I went to university in Italy and what does a single girl do when she's new to town on her first night laying in her bed? I jumped on Tinder. Fair enough. Wanted to taste the foreign fruits. This is maybe not important, but is Tinder a thing everywhere? Like Netflix? Yeah. You just log into your new zone?

Well, because it's location-based. So it goes, you set the parameters. But is it called like Tinder or something? If it's not, it should be. It's the same app because you go, yep, I want to find someone between 25 and 35 within 30 kilometres of where I am right now. And it's like a sliding thing. So you set the parameters and blah, blah, I want to find someone between 25 and 35 within 30 kilometres of where I am right now. And it's like a sliding thing, so you set the parameters

and blah, blah, blah. Right. So, but having said that, I'm pretty sure they pronounce it. Tindera. So she was on. Tindera. And she matches with this guy. On Tindera.

And I think I like this when they said, hey, I'm just new to town, blah, blah, not a relationship. They just both were very clear with their intentions. I'm just here to hook up. I think that's fine. If both people want the same thing, then, like, fucking go for it, girlfriend. So we agreed to meet up in his hotel and have sex. We knew what was going on.

He was clearly nervous, which is understandable, I think. Was he also a traveller? I believe so. Yeah, okay. So it's not as if she's met up with this local and getting all this local knowledge. They're both just like random Americans. Well, he's hotel.

Yeah. Yeah. So, and this is like zero to 100 in terms of a friendship. He was nervous. I don't think they wanted to become friends. Well, he was nervous. So he just decided to smoke a little weed on the balcony just so he would relax a little bit.

Sure, and just, like, hang out, I guess. So this is something that I don't really understand. So I've never, like, I never had Tinder or Tinder in Australia, as we call it. I never did that, like, hook-up thing. The only thing that I've done is, as in, like, one night stand or whatever, like, go home with somebody, stand or whatever, like go home with somebody. But it was like at a party or whatever.

So you kind of had already done the like warming up, I guess. Whereas like if you just rock up to someone's house, like I feel like, yeah, you do need something to like break the ice. Because, yeah, do you just walk in and just like start macking or you go, oh, hi, nice to meet you, nice shoes. Yeah, like, oh, it's one of those things where it's like you both know what you're there for, do you just fucking get it over with? Yeah.

I mean, that would be nice if the offer them a drink, be polite. Yeah. But you're not going, do you want to watch an episode of Border Security? Ah, yeah. Well, that might get me in the mood. I would do it. Yeah.

I'd be like, oh, cocaine Cassie or whatever her name was. No, that's a real person. That's a real person. Coke shoes Karen. Oh, yeah. Found her on Tinder. Would it be slightly hot, though, if you opened the door and you were like, hi, and they just, like,

pushed you through down on the bed? I don't think I would like that. Okay, I'll just write that down. Make a note. Change of plans. If you find Tony on Tinder. We may have smoked a little bit too much weed to the point where he was having trouble getting and staying hard.

So the plan to ease the tension. Ease it too much. There's no tension now. So we're laying naked on the bed and he's feeling a bit like sheepish and he's like, oh, just give me five minutes or just let me chill out or sober up or whatever. And it's never a big deal, but I can understand that the pressure to perform. Absolutely.

So she said she's laying naked on the bed and she's face down and she's got this long hair, like beautiful long hair that's down all the way to her butt. And he is like, what? What? We've heard some harrowing hair stories in the past. Yep. He asked if he could play with my hair.

Being a normal person, I figured this meant like run his fingers through my hair. Totally. Braid it. Maybe. His mum was a hairdresser. And she's being modest, but when she's like, I had this long hair down. run his fingers through my hair. Totally. Braid it. Maybe. His mum was a hairdresser, you know. And she's being modest, but when she's like,

I had this long hair down, like she's obviously got beautiful hair. Yeah. And he's just trying to chill out. You know, they're naked. I don't know anything about her. She sounds fine. Yeah, she sounds fine. I assumed that meant touch the hair.

It never does. Listen to this podcast. It's educational. You learn about the squid, you learn about the hair. I just feel like we know by now. This man then proceeded to wrap my hair around his pork sword and started jerking off with it. I was completely stunned and just froze because what the fuck.

She's on her stomach face down and he's just kneeling behind her with his dick wrapped in her hair and he's just jerking off. dick wrapped in her hair and he's just jerking off as soon as my hair touched his pork sword instantly hard now obviously we're not here to kink shame but i feel like there's a bit of like uh consent when you say can i touch your hair i feel like not what i've yeah like your first instinct yeah um so with she's within her right to be a bit fucking shocked right um but she got at the same time aren't you just so happy that he's hard and you're like yep here we go well so that's what she's thinking she's like this is so torn well she's like this is fucking weird but it's sort of working. Now he can. And now he's, and so, but she's so shocked and stunned.

She's kind of just like waiting for him to go. All right, good to go. You know what I mean? Well, yeah. Cause you're like, cool. You're hard now. Yeah. Party time.

And then she's like, you know, looking back on, I can see where we're ready. And he's just like, go on to town. And then she just goes, oh, he sort of just looks like he's having a pretty good time doing that. And then he finished. Not no hair. Oh, it was probably not a hair wash day. It did not align with her schedule. I was so shocked.

I didn't know where it went. I just heard him finish. And I turned around to him and said, you better not have got cum in my beautiful hair. He gave a nervous smile, got up and left. It was his hotel. Where did he go? To the lobby?

So he just comes in her hair and leaves. Travelling Tarpa says, I still don't know for sure where it went because I look for traces of it. And because my hair was that long, she's like, I just couldn't figure it out. So I put my hair up in like a big bun and went home. This guy is still known to my friends as hair guy. And all of my friends still die laughing about this to this day. Because I do have nice hair.

It's not uncommon for people to like give me a compliment. But as you can imagine, we're at a cafe with all my girlfriends and someone goes oh you've got beautiful hair and all of my friends go bubble don't you say that you know every time it comes up in conversation everyone's like compliment more like compliment hey it's Angela Kemp-Wisman and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on, well, I was going to say tomorrow on the show. Tomorrow there is a fondue you want to draw. What's it called again?

Fondue you want to watch our live stream. We're doing a live stream for Champion Towers in Patreon tomorrow where we're doing fondue and BJ and Pippa will be there. They haven't met before. They haven't. Very exciting. Chocolate or cheese? Sorry? Chocolate or cheese fondue? It's up to you. I was imagining cheese from the beginning but our producer Cam

said, oh yeah, we'll see if we can find you a chocolate fountain. So I don't know which one you guys want to do. You know me. So probably not cheese. Yeah. That's actually such a good point. Oh, the cheese would be great, but it would just be like.

It's going to be a hot mess. A shitty mess. Consequences. Yeah. And it's going to be 36 degrees. Yeah. At a Christmas party once, I decided that I was going to drink white Russians. Yep.

But with cream instead of milk. Yeah. And I literally shat cement at about 4 a.m. the next day. I was on the toilet for about an hour. And it was like, it was fucked. I drank like, Torbs goes, well, you drank like two liters of cream, sweetheart. Like you drank a lot of white Russians. It's a great drink though. It is a great drink. But yeah, you do feel two litres of cream, sweetheart. Like you drank a lot of white Russians. It's a great drink though.

It is a great drink. But yeah, you do feel it the next day. Not to increase the graphicness. Yeah. But my mate. Sorry for saying that I shat some in. That's fucking, that's Marley. Remember Anders, who's the brewer?

At Moondog. Well, he's now at Broderigy. Oh, of course. Yeah. But back in the day, it was another place and they just made like these peach ciders or something. Oh, yum. Delicious.

Yum. But cider's a thing that you might have, like, one or maybe two ciders. Because the sugar, like, fills up your belly and you feel so bloated. Yeah. So this one guy's like, oh, bro, love those ciders you made. I reckon I had 15 yesterday afternoon. And Anders goes, that's the equivalent of sitting down and eating 40 peaches.

And stone fruit, you know how that gets you going. Well, and he's like, I just need to let you know, man, there might be something wrong with those ciders. I was fucking having a crazy night in the bathroom. Like, it was fucking. And he's like, no, that's probably because you had 15 ciders. Like. Yeah, so it was the AGB.

You ate 40 peaches. Yeah, the aftergrog bog and all that stone fruit and all that sugar. He's like, don't at me. That's just how it works. And also, after you've had 15 ciders, you know what else you're having? A fucking kebab. That's going to make you shit anyway. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, so don't fucking at Anders. Yeah, that's not his fault at all. A big thank you to a few of the people, hopefully, that will be joining our fond do-not-cheat-yourself party tomorrow. Jake Martin, Dee Dee Prince, Andrew Smart and Megan Johnson. Thank you so, so much for being part of the Patreon. You fucking love to see it.

So I mentioned before I wanted to have a bit of dad chat. Yeah. Ryan, you have well and truly begun the transformation of becoming a dad. Thanks for saying transformation. I feel like it's, you know, at the beginning of sailor moon where they like whip up into the thing and they like change their outfits and stuff if you call me a sexy skinny asian girl you're correct so i feel like that's kind of where you're at at the moment um you're doing birth classes yesterday on a zoom of uh you cam and i our producer you talked about how you just bought a pram and it's like lots of fun stuff coming.

I wouldn't describe buying prams as fun. It's fucking expensive. Yeah. But I'm still doing it. But, well, and it's like. How much is a pram? 50, 60 bucks? How much is it?

Thousands. Really? They're fucking insane. Oh, my God. I've got, there's one out the back of the house like in the alleyway where i live i'll grab that one if you want i think it's got maybe a mouse living in it but if you're interested i am um but so because you've kind of started taking on your dad role yep there's been a few things recently where i'm like oh you're dad-ing up. Really? Yeah. And I just thought.

In a positive way? I mean, it's just a different part of life, right? So on Saturday last week we had our Hot Fun Garbage event. Yes. And it was on the beach at St Kilda, so like a beautiful part of town. But there's not a lot of parking. No. And so you said, oh, we'll be able to park at my mate's place.

He lives just around the corner. Yep. And he is married. He's got two kids. He's like really in dad mode. He's a great guy, right? Yep. And we get to his house and, like, he was wearing Birkenstocks.

Yeah. And you go, oh, mate, you're in dad mode. You got the Birks on. And he goes, oh, mate, best decision I've ever made. Running around with the kids, like your feet never get sore, so much better than thongs. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. If Dave Parsons says Birkenstocks are good then i'm in then you're in uh and then every single and is this not the daddest thing you've ever heard fuck it is i'm sorry every

single person you saw wearing burks at the event you went oh how do you find the burks yeah i'm thinking about investing in the burks. Did you not? Every single person. And considering there's hundreds of people there and it was a beach, there was a lot of people wearing Birks. There was a lot of people wearing Birks. And I did ask all of them. You asked every single one. And you looked at their feet and you went, how do you find the Birks?

Which is like a pretty weird thing to do. No, it's not. Looking directly at someone's feet. They're not free, babe. I'm looking at the shoes that the feet are on, not the feet themselves. I want to be like, oh, so what do your feet taste like? Well, I'm glad you did.

Yeah, see? I wasn't saying that. Are you going to start jerking off in my hair? What's going on? What do your feet taste like? Well, I'm saying that's what I didn't say. Anyway, moving right along past that. No.

Well, past that specifically, yes. But you know how when you do a purchase yeah you go and read all the reviews uh-huh they're people giving reviews yes when you go on youtube and watch the videos of people's experiences them that's people sharing their experience i'm just doing the in real life version of collating reviews and peer review oh yeah you said it's comfy. Yeah, that's good. Why did you choose that color? I'm doing all the stuff you do. I'm just doing it in real person because I'm a people person.

But you're not normally a review reader anyway. Because I do it in the streets. You're on the street, man of the people. You know what they say, a reviewer in the streets and a starfish in the sheets. That's how they describe it. One of our answers has gone. It has.

After you kind of did this, I was like, that's a real dad move. Like that's a real dad thing to do. And so I have a couple of things to run past you to like check your dad meter. Sorry for reading reviews. Sorry for caring about my arch support. The other day you and I were in the car. Oh, fuck.

Are you talking about the car park? No, I'm not talking about the car park. I'm not talking about the car park. That was a good one though. You did park six kilometres away from where we needed to be. It was a good spot. Oh, there'll be no parking. It was a good spot.

It was wide open. And we had to walk all the way down the beach to get a parking spot. But how good was that spot though? It was in good spot. It was wide open. And we had to walk all the way down the beach to get a fucking lunch. But how good was that spot, though? It was in the shade. I actually forgot about that. What I was going to say is we were talking afterwards about getting lunch. And I said, do you like Hungry Jack's? And do you remember what you said to me?

Yeah. Yeah. I do like Hungry Jacks. Are you going to say the line or do I need to say the line? I'd love for you to say it. I wonder if this is the tagline everywhere else in the world. I said, the burgers are actually better at Hungry Jacks. I know it's their tagline. I know it's their tagline. The burgers really are better at Hungry Jack's. I know it's their tagline.

I know it's their tagline. The burgers really are better. They actually are better. You can taste the smoke on the beef patty. Because on the grill, they're flame grilled and you can taste the flame and the smoke in the patties. I know it's the tagline, the burgers are better at Hungry Jack's, but they aren't.

Hungry Jack's is Burger King in the rest of the world. It is. So I don't know if that's the tagline. The burgers are better at Burger King. They are better though Hungry Jacks. But they are. By the way, Hungry Jacks is Burger King in the rest of the world. It is. So I don't know if that's the tagline. Burgers are better at Burger King. They are better though. Yeah. What's wrong with being duped by advertising? No, but so my dad-o-meter is coming up.

It's not the RBT thing. 6.4. Also at our Hot Fun Garbage event last week, it was very hot during the day. It was. And we were both wearing onesies. And after the event, you walked into the ocean with your onesie that I lovingly created for you.

Fully dressed, yep. Fully dressed into the ocean. We have it on camera. Don't worry. You'll all get to see that video. Fully dressed. I was hot and sweaty. And then you came back out.

So all you'd done was taken off your fucking Nike Air Maxes. Yeah. You came back out of the ocean. Yeah. Stripped your onesie off. Yep. Put your sneakers back on. So all you were wearing was your undies.

And the sneakers. And I said, Ryan, you can't fucking do that. Like you can't just wear your underwear out in public. And you said, Tony, you can't fucking do that. Like, you can't just wear your underwear out in public. And you said, Tony, it's the bloody beach. Don't be silly. What's the difference between swimmers and underwear? It's the same thing. If I'm wearing my underwear at a-

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Don't fucking beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Here's your dadometer. It's fucking tipping out the scale. What is the difference, to be fair, when we walked to Ackland Street and we were about a kilometre away and I was still wearing my undies and high tops. It was quite far.

Yeah, I'll concede that that was a fucked look, but dad-o-meter, no. That's a dad thing, being like, oh, Tony, it's bloody hot. People understand. It's just fabric. You're wearing fabric. I'm wearing fabric. Dad-o-meter, it's going on. Oh, that's bullshit.

They're all the same. Finally, for a very easy one. You should go up to a girl who's some baking bag. Why are you here in your underwear? Well, but it's bad. It's just material. You were wearing boxer shorts. Like, you were wearing underwear.

Yeah. Shout out to step one. There was not a lot between you and God is all I'll say. There was. There was a piece of cloth. Very little. Finally, for a piece of cloth. Very little cloth. Finally, for a very easy one. Our little cloth.

Oh, it wasn't that little. It was a huge cloth. Don't know what it was covering, but it was a huge cloth. Massive. A very easy one. Group chat overwhelm. Recently, this dad went viral. Yeah, yeah.

And I actually sent this to you because I was like, this is so you. This dad went viral because a screenshot went around that he sent to his family group chat and it said, I can't keep up with the pressure of always having to lol or like or heart everyone's random thoughts, pics and amusements. For all future texts, I love them, laugh at them or like them. Unless it's bad, then I dislike them. In perpetuity, I can't live with this pressure.

I'm out. Since Dad's gone viral for saying that, people are like, oh, my God, so relatable. How overwhelming is the group chat? I sent this to you and you said, I just hate them. I couldn't agree more with this, Dad. It's too stressful. There's too much happening.

We've recently hired a producer, Cam. Yeah. And the three of us have a group chat. Do we? Yes, the three of us have like a group iMessage chat. Okay. The other day, Cam and I were messaging back and forth about like a work thing. Was it a work thing?

Yes. Okay. And then about, you know, four or five messages later, you message and said, well, I can't bloody read all of those. Like what's going on tomorrow? Fake news, that's not what happened. What happened? This is what happened.

First of all, I think you should only need to read back two or three messages any further in your living in the past. We all know that. Second of all, there was about 15 or 20 messages back and it was sort of like a bit of banter, a bit of fun. It was work-related, but it was banter and it was fun. And then you said, oh, Ryan, you don't need to read all of this. And I went, good, because I'm not going to.

No, that is not what happened. And I will scroll back. That's not what happened. Scroll back. You were like, oh, you don't need to read all of this. And I was like, good, because I'm not going to. All right. We don't do empty offers here at Tony and Ryan. No, we don't. We're honest. So don't say stuff like you don't need to read all of this. And I was like, good, because I'm not going to. All right. We don't do empty offers here at Tony and Ryan.

No, we don't. We're honest. So don't say stuff like you don't have to read all of this and then expect me to read all of this. You know what I'm saying? Sorry, it's loading. No, and this is because you're a fucking mom. This is dad energy.

Do you know how to use a phone, mate? Yes, I do. It's just loading. Do you want to ask your grandson how to log in? My grandson? Oh, no, it's like grandpa energy. Like, how do I use the phone? Oh, sorry.

No, I'm just. Why are you doing that? So I said, hang on. We, one, two, three, five messages. Yep. You said TLDR, too long, didn't read, the above, but thanks for a solid day, everyone. And I said, glad you saved yourself from reading 10 messages.

I went through the bin. That's what we were talking about. Something was lost on the day. I had to go through the bin. That's what we were talking about. Something was lost on the day. I had to go through the bin. Sounds important, yeah. But what a rude fucking thing. Was that rude? I didn't fucking read that.

But, like, yep, thanks for coming. Did you find that rude? Oh, dad vibes. Dad vibes, right? Here's the thing. Oh, okay. Like, all three of us get along well. Yep.

But you and Cam have known each other for a very long time. um why don't you take your little fun chats like into your private one we were talking about work this is real dad energy is this not the biggest dad in it it's fucking going off the fucking charts so what i want to say is that after look look at you you're doing a dad stance you got your arms on your bloody waist. Well, excuse me. I feel like I've been attacked, so I'm just going to sit over here, tuck my shirt into my pants, put my puffer vest on. Put your phone in one of those holders out the front. I've got an extra large iPhone that doesn't fit into my pocket.

Well, my dad radar's going off, and to complete that outfit, I'd like to offer you the first of many dad trophies. A trophy? And thank you for saying first of many dad trophies. A trophy? And thank you for saying first of many. First of many. Is it a gift or is it a? No, you didn't. Oh, my God, you did not.

It's a pair of Birkenstocks. Yes. You asked everybody about them. And what did they all say? You did all your reviews. Everyone said they were great. I've got some. I love them. And what did they all say? You did all your reviews. Everyone said they were great. I've got some. I love them.

And I thought Ryan deserves these after becoming the daddy of the team. Hang on. Hang on. The dad, not daddy. Because, yeah, it's different. Hang on. I know they mean two different things, but would I also be the daddy of the team? I guess so, yeah.

You're handsome. You're a daddy. Thank you. So. What colour did you get? I got black because as it turns out, I actually, what colour would you have gone? Brown, right? Let me have a look here.

So. So I would have gone brown, but because the rest of the shoe is brown, the black kind of breaks it up a bit. I don't know. This is good. So I didn't know this, but Birkenstocks are incredibly hard to buy right now. Yeah. They are like worldwide.

There's a shortage of Birks. They're like potatoes. Because over COVID, they didn't make Birks for two years. Yeah. They fully shut down thing. So I went in there to buy you brown ones because color is in for 2023 for you. So I thought maybe the brown would be nice. I don't count brown as a colour.

Okay. Because it's just like the brown leather anyway. Yeah, but I feel like you need your staples. Yeah. Like if you got me pink Birks, I'd be like, hey, I know it's the year of colour, but like maybe pump the brakes, man. So I got black. Anyway, try them on, see if they fit.

I've got the receipt so you can return them and get a different size if you need to. But I thought your first dad trophy. I went to the Birkenstock shop when I was in Sydney. So I bought these ones from the Birkenstock boutique in Clifton Hill. We went for a drive. I did go for a drive. I went to about several shops, maybe about five shops yesterday,

couldn't find them, ended up finding these ones. So hopefully they fit. But we can discuss this off air. Hang on. What do most people call me? What do you call me? Ryan. I need a new name.

Why? Because I am Cinderella. Oh, do they fit? The shoe fits, baby. Fucking beautiful. I am the queen. What does the shoe fit mean? I am Prince Charming's date.

Whatever. What does it mean when the shoe fits in Cinderella? Well, that it was her that ran off. I will hook up with Chad Michael Murray. You're welcome. I am Hilary Duff. Yes, you are. All of my dreams are coming true.

Yes, you are. I've made you Hilary Duff. You're welcome. But anyway, yeah, try those on. Glad you're happy with them. This is beautiful. And sorry. That's a nice gift.

That is a beautiful gift. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Because we are... Don't answer this with words. Answer this with a sound effect if you need. How do you feel about me wearing the socks with the Birks? I wear socks and Birks

a lot. Oh, I was expecting it. Actually, it is dad energy, but I do it too, so I feel like I can't make fun of you. Good self-awareness. Sorry, I've backed myself into a corner here. But there you go. Thank you so much.

Yep, an investment to the future for daughter McDaughterface. Now, you're not allowed to use that as a love to see it, but do you have a different you love to see it? Well, I do love to see Birkenstocks, and I do love to see them on my feet. Oh, they feel so nice. They're very good. What is my... Oh, this is the best you'll ever see it because it's something

that when you see it, you actually fucking love it. It's the definition of you love to see it. Mini corns. Oh, I love those mini corns. How fucking good are they? The ones that you get like if you make like a... Like a stir fry or something? Like a stir fry, yeah.

When have you ever... Underrated, I feel, a mini corn. Right. When have you ever had a plate put in front of you with mini corns and gone, oh. Every time it comes out, it sits down. I go, mini corns. Wouldn't it be fun if you did mini corns and you put like a little bit

of butter and a little, yeah. So if you're not sure. Can you stop looking at your fucking babies? Nah, they feel real good. Thank you so much. If you're doing, if you're cooking and you know how sometimes like you're not sure... Can you stop looking at your fucking babies? Nah, they feel real good. Thank you so much. If you're doing... If you're cooking, and you know how sometimes

you're putting some stuff together and you're like, oh, I might need a little something extra or the plate's looking a little blank. Yeah. Mini corns, dog. Baby corn. Baby corn, mini corn.

Baby corn. I don't know. Yeah, baby mini corns. Both good. Because I had mini corns last night. Yeah, I can tell. Literally, the mini corns came out and I was like,

fucking how good is this? I've been like, how good are mini corns came out, and I was like, fucking, how good is this? I've been to them. I'm like, how good are mini corns? And I said to Bridget, this is why you'll have to see it tomorrow. Yep. Well, I mean, you're welcome. Mini corns. Everybody's welcome.

And they come in a tin. They last forever. They're cheaper than Birkenstocks. I'd fucking hope so. Oh, I've actually got you a present. Yeah. It's a 48-cent can of mini. It's a singular miniature corn.

That is a great You Love To See It. Thank you. I have a You Love To See It. Yep. It's quite fun. Are you also wearing Birkenstocks? Yeah, I've also bought myself some. Ken's got some.

We're Birkenstock team. This, actually, I was thinking, fuck, I don't have a You Love To See It tomorrow, and then the doorbell rang, and I was like, here we go. Sexy pool boys. It wasn't. She's got a lot of props today. Get completely fucked.

How good is that? Ladies and gentlemen, Tony is holding a physical copy of her new book, I Don't Need Therapy and Other Lies I've Told Myself, written by Tony Lodge. Is that the first print copy you've felt? How did it feel when you got it? Did you cry? It was really weird, actually.

I did cry like a little bit, but it was, I'm not supposed to have it. Like, I don't think I'm supposed to have it yet. It was very early. I didn't know they were coming. So it just rocked up? It just arrived, yeah. And yeah, but this is the very first copy

of my book ever that exists. First of all, what a beautiful moment. But second of all, what a fucking tragedy. And I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again now that we're on the video show. What? On the front cover here, there is a quote from Zara and Michelle from the Shameless podcast. Do you have to ruin my beautiful moment with your bloody... You're in the very front.

Where? I'll show you. Open the cover once. See, you're there. And you're on the back. And you're on the back. So I would have thought... So my quote here is on the back, but Zara and Michelle from Shameless is on the front. Well, you know that I love Shameless and I love

Zara and Mish very much. I'm below Christian Hull in the first place. But you're... But on the front. Well, you know that I love Shameless and I love Zara and Mish very much. I'm below Christian Hull in the first place. But on the back, you're like centre. You're under Chrissy Swann. But you are there, though. See? When I texted you when I finished reading it, what was my first review? It needs more Ryan.

Less Tony, more Ryan. Well, there's Ryan on there. And there's Ryan on the back and on the inside. That's pretty good. Pippa's not even in it. It had passed the final edit and it was too late. Well, you'll need a follow-up. The sequel.

Let's just enjoy this one. I don't need a dog and other lies I've told. Everyone. The zookeeper. But, yeah. You do fucking love to see it. That's incredible. Does it make it feel a bit more real? I can't stress to everyone uh and this is someone who hasn't done it about how much work

goes into a book the amount of times i've seen tony go no i can't leave the house for this whole day because i'm writing i'm meeting with the editor i have to reread the 60 000 words and go back and do this like does that all feel like worth or that you can see your work in something that exists in the world? Yeah, I guess it's really satisfying that it's like tangible now. Like it's something I can go, wow, I know. Yeah. All the hours that went into that and all the plans I had to say no to, to like finish this off. And then, yeah.

So it's like, it's really satisfying. But I guess it was a bit overwhelming, to be honest. Yeah. Because it just came and I was like, I didn't know this was coming. Did you cry? I did. Torb's filmed it.

Would you say it was more? Torb's filmed me opening the box. Oh, that's cute. Would you say it was more or less tears than when you got cancelled on for stand-up paddleboarding? I know there are different kinds of tears, but more or less? Probably less, actually. But, yeah, I thought you'd love to see that.

And it is really exciting to see it. And, like, I put one on my bookshelf. So it's, like, you know, amongst all that. You've got a few of them. I have 12. What the fuck? Yeah, so they're to, like, send to friends and family and stuff like that. You don't have one?

No, because you can afford to buy one. No, I actually said friends and family. stuff like that. Oh, have I? No, because you can afford to buy one. No, I actually said friends and family. Yeah, not co-workers. Oh, okay. Cam's got one. No. Save it for your own group chat. I thought you would love to see this.

I do actually love to see it. That's incredible. Congratulations. I can't wait for other people to get it in their hands. I feel like... You're in it. You're in it quite a bit. I don't know if guilty is the right word,

but I feel like I've seen a secret. Like, I feel guilty that I've read it and no one else has got to read it yet. Well, someone messaged me the other day saying that they work at a bookshop and they got, like, an advanced copy so that they can, like, recommend it to people. And it was my first...

Oh, it was actually our friend Zoe, I think, from Harry Hartog in Sydney. Yes. And she's actually the first person that isn't, you know, part of my circle that's read any of it. No offence, Zoe. Fucking cop that.

No, but, like, out of... I mean, you're actually the only one of my, like, friends and family that's read it. Torb said he didn't want to read it until it was, like, finished, finished. Oh, so he got that option. Fuck you. Well, I just wanted to be on the front. He didn't get a quote on the front.

The only reason I... Well, neither did I. Yeah. The only reason I said I'd agree to a reading is if I got a quote on the cover. Yeah. reason I, well, neither did I. Yeah. The only reason I said I'd agree to a reading is if I got a quote on the cover. Yeah. And then you went, yep, cool, back cover. Well, when they said, how do you want to,

because it says like, Ryan John, co-host of the Tony and Ryan podcast. I said, can you put Ryan John, NBA candidate? And did they do it? They said no. That's bullshit. Imagine if they said NBA candidate and sidekick of the Tony and Ryan podcast.

Ryan John, co-worker. Colleague. Who gets to masturbate in office. Anyway, I thought you'd love to see that. But shares a bathroom. I mean, it's no baby corn. It's not. It's no Birkenstock.

Top three, though. Pretty good day. Top three of things. Baby corns, Birkenstocks, Tony's fucking book that she. Top three, though. Pretty good day. Top three of things. Baby corns, Birkenstocks, Tony's fucking book that she fucking spent 100 years on. Anyway, I thought you'd love to see that. Wanted to share that with you. Thank you for sharing with me. That is actually fucking sick.

Thank you. Way to bury the lead, though. You fucking snuck that in. I did. I've got this bag of goodies under my chair. It's empty now. There's nothing else fun in there. I feel like I didn't bring enough props today.

No, that's totally fine. I've also got you something. No, it's fine. Fuck, it's a video show. I've just... Okay, that's the end of the show. Thanks, everyone. I was just going to do a little personal joke,

but I thought the people could watch me unzipping my pants. Any champion tapas, we'll see you tomorrow on the fondling each other of the livestream. Fondle. See you on the livestream tomorrow. See you on Monday on the fondling each other of the livestream. Fondle. See you on the livestream tomorrow. See you on Monday on the pod. And if you see someone walking around in Birks and Socks

on the weekend looking like the happiest guy alive. Then look at the face because it's Ryan. It's me. Alright, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching and we'll see you Monday.

Bye. Love you, bye.