Toni and Ryan - Ryan's in a bad mood

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Knick-knacks in your house and some more poopy tales. Love ya!!! Toni xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is that Katie? Yes, it is. It's Tony and Ryan. Oh, my God, hi. Hi, how are you? Sorry, I'm just like, how are you? Yeah, we're well.

Sorry, have we caught you on a night out? I'm out for a bike ride. Yeah, I'm out for a bike ride, so I'm like out of breath. Oh, my, okay. Okay, some people do exercise. We get it, mate. Something's going on. Yeah, drive it in. Yeah, I'm out for a bike ride, so I'm out of breath. Okay, some people do exercise. We get it, mate. It's all going on. Yeah, drive it in. Yeah, sure. Hey, will you approve this episode? Of course I will. Yay!

Hi, it's Katie from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, and I approve this podcast. Happy Wednesday to you. Happy Wednesday to you. Welcome. Happy Wednesday. To the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hi, I'm Tony. Keep going.

Keep going, Tony. No, you talked over me. You obviously wanted me to stop. Do you know that while we were in the car, I forgot to bring this up on the podcast. Last week we did a little road trip and in the car you said, while you were driving, you said, are you sure you don't want to go to sleep?

And I was like, no, I'll stay up and keep talking to you. You were like, okay. Were you a bit sick of me? You didn't want to hear me talking anymore? Because I like to talk. I know, I know. Would you have, like, honesty time, would you have preferred that I shut up for a bit?

No, I was more just like I didn't want you to feel like you had to because I know you're like a people pleaser. Like you wanted to do the right thing by me and I was more like, hey, hey, like I know you want to but I'm like it's actually fine. Right. I know you would never accept that as an answer. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, so.

Did you want me to shut up? Because I hope that you know if you ever did want me, obviously not during the podcast because, you know. Yeah, how about now? I just want you to be okay with what you're doing. But I know it's not in your nature at all to give a fuck about yourself because you're always concerned and taking care of the other people. And I was just trying to go, hey, mate, you do you.

And you're like, I don't understand. But did you want me to be quiet? See, you're not understanding the question here. You're not understanding my question. Were you like, can you just shut up? No. Okay, that's nice. Yeah.

But were you? No. Were you? You're giving me shut up? No. Okay, that's nice. Yeah. But were you? No. Were you? You're giving me a bit of a cock look. My cock look is because this is the thing. I'm like, I don't want to have two hours talking about if it's okay to talk. I feel like we're at a place where if you said, can you just please be quiet for a minute, I'd be like, all right.

I don't think we're at that place. You'd think about it later. No, but I'd rather know. You'd get home and you'd go, hey, Torbs, Ryan told me to be quiet for a minute, I'd be like, all right. I don't think we're at that place. You'd think about it later. No, but I'd rather know. You'd get home and you'd go, hey, Torbs, Ryan told me to be quiet. No, but I'd rather you said that and that I know rather than later be like, I think I talked too much, which is obviously what I've done. I'd rather that if you just said, it's like I'd rather people just tell me what they wanted.

If they're like, can you actually stop doing that, I'd be like, okay. I think I would in hindsight now. now, I would have rather you been quiet at the time, not because of the car trip, but just so I didn't have to have this conversation right now. That's not mean. From August 8th, you can listen for free on Spotify. Maybe. If I'm allowed to fucking say anything.

See? See? See? That's exactly my point. You can be completely honest here, mate. It's a judgment-free zone as long as you say the right fucking answer. Normal or nah, having this conversation with your best friend. I just want you to live your best life. And I am.

Great. Normal or nah? Now this is a controversial one, which is I actually regret putting this on the list. Oh. Normal or nah? Telling your friend to stop talking. I didn't. And you can see the trouble it would have caused if I did.

Can't you see? You can see this playing out. Normal or nah? Cheese dreams. Normal or nah? Oh, I've never had one. Really? So nah for me.

I eat a lot of cheese. And I don't think I've ever had a cheese-induced nightmare or odd dream. So Emily Bradford. Go on. Oh, my God. What? No, it doesn't really relate. But I know that you hate dream chat.

I know. That's why I don't like this story. And I was going to write it down on my prep to talk about it on the show today, and I was like, Ryan will hate that. But it's kind of come up organically, so I'm going to say it. During the week, I had a very graphic dream, a very realistic dream about a friend that I went to uni with, her water breaking.

Really? Yes. What night did you have that? So I had it on Monday night. What did we have for dinner on Monday night? We're at the pub. And what did you and Leah and Sarah order on the side? I had a parma.

The baked brie. So you guys had baked brie, then you had a cheese-covered parma, then you had a freaky dream. Don't at me with the no cheese dream. You've been living this life. But I don't think it was a cheese dream. I think I'm a psychic. Don't fucking, no. Because she went

into labour. She's had the baby. Who? Sophie, my friend from uni. She's pregnant in real life. Did you know she was pregnant? Yes. So if your friend's 39 weeks pregnant and you predicted she would have a baby in the next week, that's not psyche. That's the circle of life. No, no, no, no.

But the fact that I had it that night, then she had a 72-hour labour or something and I didn't find out that she'd had the baby until like yesterday. But did you know she was pregnant? Yeah, of course I knew she was pregnant. So then you're not psychic. They just told you. No, I didn't pregnant? Yeah, of course I knew she was pregnant. So then you're not psychic. They just told you. No, I didn't.

I'm not saying that I knew she was pregnant. I'm saying the day that she had it. That night I had a dream that she went into labour. I'm also a psychic and I predict tomorrow will be Thursday. No, but if someone's pregnant, you don't know what day they're going to give birth. True. And she was like overdue. And she was, like, overdue.

So she was due any day now. But it didn't necessarily wasn't going to be the day that I dreamt it. And what else happened in the dream? Was it a crazy, freaky birth? No, literally I just had the dream that her waters broke and that I was like, oh, my God, Sophie, we have to get you to the hospital. Would you be good in a crisis?

Yes. Yeah? Yeah. So when shit goes down, the baby's on the way, fuck Tony. Because my emotions just to the hospital. Would you be good in a crisis? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. So when shit goes down, the baby's on the way, fuck Tony. Because my emotions just leave the room and I'm like, we've got to do this thing. Really? Yep.

That's good to know. Yeah. That's good to know. Like if you went into labour right now, I could fix it. Would you birth my baby? Yes. It'd be an honour. Keep your hands out of there until that time though.

Yeah. So I'm a psychic. And we'll find out tomorrow if I'm a psychic as well If it is No but it's not the same thing Because you know it's going to be Thursday tomorrow I didn't know that she was going to have a baby Except for the fact she was due No but

You are such a c*** about these things Did you, Jess? Yeah, I did. Because I didn't know that she was going to have a baby that day. Amazing. Thank you. I'll take that. Have I done something to f**k you off?

Yeah. What? You just don't get what I'm saying. I don't understand. But like. The other night, Bridget and I were both tired and grumpy. Yep. And I said, hey, I'm a bit tired and grumpy today.

You're a bit tired and grumpy. Was this on Thursday? I can't remember. And I said, at least we can just both appreciate that we're tired and grumpy and put our hand up and go, hey, at least we're both tight and grumpy. Let's just be tight and grumpy together. At least we're not tight and grumpy with each other. Yeah.

Yeah, and Bridget goes, well, I am sort of tight and grumpy at you. And I was like, oh, shit, I'm sorry. Okay, I've drawn attention to this. I was like, at least we're not angry at each other. I'm angry at you. Okay, well, I'm not angry with you other. I'm angry at you. Okay. Okay. Well, I'm not angry with you. That's fucked that.

Great. Okay. The big woot. I get some weird as fuck cheese dreams, but I love cheese so much I will never stop. Do you think you have cheese dreams? Yeah, absolutely. I don't think I've ever had one before. Apart from, you know, potentially last week. Yep.

Emily Bradford said, I have really bizarre and inexplicable fever dreams. My poor boyfriend thinks I've lost it when I describe these vivid as fuck dreams to him. He thinks I'm crazy, but I think it's normal. Now, Pollyanna Bruce, no relation to Pollyamma Roos, is there's a lady at my work who doesn't eat cheese after midday because she's scared of the dreams.

You know people like don't have coffee in the afternoon. I'll be up all night. So if a cheese, you know, after lunch comes around, she's like, oh, no. The dreams. I'm planning on being asleep in eight hours' time. I couldn't. And she's just drawn the line, after midday, no cheese. What a sad life.

So she's never had a parma for dinner. She's never had a cheese board at 6pm or something. Imagine all the restrictions in your life. No cheese after midday. Oh, my God. It's why I don't want children, because you can't eat soft cheese while you're pregnant. Normal or nah, going to the bathroom while on your phone and turning the sink on,

pretending that you're washing your hands or doing the dishes so the other person on the phone can't hear the pee. This has been sent in by Kimberly Ann Jr. I'm going to say nah. Too much work. Kimberly also says she'll hit someone up with a juicy question knowing it'll be a long answer. So you can mute yourself.

So you can mute yourself and then do your business. Have you done that? Yeah, I've done that. I've done that to you. I've been like, oh, mate, what do you reckon about this thing? And then just muted you and. You've been to the toilet whilst on the phone to me. Yeah, of course.

And you called me as a CUNT. That's not a, I don't think that that's a dick thing to do. No, I don't think so. It's not a dick thing. I just – it's interesting. Is it? I didn't think you'd have the – I thought you'd be too nervous that you'd be outed or you're pretty confident.

When you ask me a juicy question, you go, fuck it, here he goes. But also if you said – but also if you said to you in the bathroom, I'd be like, yeah. Like I just – Have you ever spoken to me I'd be like, yeah. Like I just. Have you ever spoken to me while sitting on the toilet? Yes. I just said that. Like actually like you're speaking, not just on mute and listening,

but actually talking to me. Oh, no, no, no. It's always like if I'm muted. But like or if you go, if you're like, you know what I mean? And I go, yeah. And then mute myself again and then you. I'm going to have to pay close attention. I'm randomly going to be mid-story and be like,

isn't that right, Tony? Yeah. Sing the alphabet. Yeah. And then it's in the echoey. Does that sound like a bathroom? Yeah. And then flushing in the background or something.

Yeah, no, but I wouldn't go to the effort of running the water. What a waste of water. Yeah. I reckon just, or just be like, can I call you back in 30 seconds? I'm desperate for a wee, but I really want to keep talking to you. Yeah. I think that's fine. What would you do?

I have. Have you muted while you're on the phone to me? Not to you, but I have muted in the past. You've just got to. And you've got IBS. So sometimes you just need to fucking get it out. You know it'll only take a second. I'd just like to point out that Tony has diagnosed me with IBS

and not anyone of a medical doctor. Yeah, that was just me. Yeah. But, I mean. I've done tests, mate. I'd love to be diagnosed with something because that would imply that I knew what the fuck was going on. Well, I used to work in an IBS app called Nerva.

Yeah. So I'm a doctor, basically. Yeah, well, so you've told many of us. Dr. Tony Lodge. Dr. Tony Lodge. But I think with you, because you ever pass up the stage like, hey, mate, I've got to pee. I'll call you back.

Yeah. Whatever. Yeah, I don't think pay, I'll call you back. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah, I don't think that that would bother me. Yeah. Normal or nah? Asking for practical gifts like a backpack or an air fryer for your birthday. Jess Pratt, my partner told me that these gifts weren't, like,

romantic and he wants the present to be some sort of gesture and that these kind of weren't ticking that box, but I really want these practical things that I'll actually use. And she's like, when I use them, I'll be like, oh, my boyfriend bought this. I'll think of him every time I actually use it. I'll use the air fryer. I'll wear the backpack.

But if we go to some, like, dinner, like, sure, it's great, but, like, I actually just need this stuff in my life. I'm kind of Natalie Imbruglia, kind of torn because, yes, I like the idea of getting a practical gift because it's actually going to get used and because then you're like, oh, it saves me buying it for myself. Yeah. But I do also enjoy being like here's something you would

never buy for yourself. Like here's something bougie that like I know you want or you've had your eye on for ages and I know that you're probably not going to go and splurge on that thing just for you because you're like, oh, I don't really need it. So I get it but I don't really know what side I sit on. Like, Tor's bought me my laptop. Really?

Yeah. Like it was like birthday Christmas. Birthday slash Christmas slash hey, I know you need a laptop for work or whatever, let me get that for you. Yeah, and I was just like, oh, because I don't really want anything else but I really need this thing. And he was like, oh, mate, yeah, let's just get you that for your birthday.

Hell yeah. And I use this every day. Is he your partner, Torbs, together for it would almost be 10, like doing it for 10 years almost, together for nine. Yeah, something like that. Would, I don't see him as like a big romantic gesture guy. Is that fair to say or am I not seeing what's going on behind closed doors?

He, nah, he's very sweet. Because if there was like a scale of like practical to gesture. Yeah. Like he'd maybe, and I mean that's ridiculous because you can be both, but like for him to get this laptop or for him to show that he cares about you, it is doing something for you, helping you, fixing that thing. Like he is a very practical, helpful guy.

It's like acts of service is his like love language. Yeah. But does he still have a bit of a romantic gesture in there? But it's like. Petals on the bed. Oh, no, nothing like that. But also because I'm like who needs like, I don't need that thing. There's practical gifts and I'm just going to put it out there.

Rose petals on a bed is actually really fucking impractical. It's actually, no pun intended, a pain in the ass. Have you ever done that? No. I just think, like, the clean up. What a pain in the ass. I've turned up to a hotel where they've, like, had a thing prepared. And I'm just like.

Fuck that. Yeah, then you just brush it off to the side. Eventually, you just, well, I've got to fucking sleep here, mate've, like, had a thing prepared and I'm just like. Fuck that. Yeah, then you just brush it off to the side. Eventually you just, well, I've got to fucking sleep here, mate. Like I just, what? You've got to sleep here. Oh, sorry, when I say brush it off to the side, I mean throw it aside in a blaze of glory and power and rampant lovemaking. Practical gifts from Torbs but acts of service, like, you know,

he'll put the hot water bottle in bed before I hop in because he knows it'll be cold or, yeah, I'll say, oh, one of the keys on my keyboard is, like, getting a bit stuck or, you know, or I knocked it off, whatever, he'll, like, fix it and be like, oh, and I bought you a new phone charger because you said that yours wasn't, you know, he does lots of things like that. I'm down for a practical gift. I'm with Jess Pratt.

I'm all about, yeah. And we've just talked about this before. I'm not like a minimalist. It certainly is not my personality, but I just don't like stuff. You hate stuff. I think because I've moved around for work, there's only so many times you pack up a house and repack that you just go, do we really need to pack that and unpack it again

and not use it? Do we need that knick-knack? Yeah. Yeah. And so Bridget, my wife, she used to have like these sticks. She listens, mate. She does. She knows this.

I've told her. Okay. She used to have like a bunch of like sticks. That sounds lovely. And they're like maybe like a smudge stick or like. Oh, like sage? Yeah, maybe. But these sticks were like if you had like a bookshelf

or a dresser table, you know, that'd be presented nicely and it was like this whatever. So was it like a bundle of like in a ribbon or something or just like. There might have been a bit of that, but then there were some others that just like looked, they were just like decorative ornaments. Yeah. And they got to the stage and I was like, babe,

actually I would never say that. We've been incepted by that guy at the restaurant that said babe last week. I think that maybe you're just a babe guy. Maybe that's what I'm learning. Bridget's going to listen to this and go, ugh. Who the fuck is that? That doesn't sound like my husband. And those sticks weren't mine.

I've never seen a stick like that. BJ brought them in from outside. That's a good reason for a stick. We've packed up these sticks from Canberra and moved to Perth. Now I've got to unpack the stick and just sit them there for a few years and then we've got to repack. Enough with the sticks. But sometimes things are just nice.

I don't like nice things. I'm in a bad mood today. I don't like nice things. Yeah, I don't know why you're in a bad mood. I don't like nice things. But, like, sometimes. You want a stick. Things are just nice.

They don't do anything. They don't really help anyway. They don't do anything. They don't really help anyway. They don't age you. What's something you've got? But you're allowed to just like stuff. I don't like stuff. What have you got in your house that you like that has no, like, I guess that is just a nice to have and not a practical I need to use this.

Do you have, like, little bits and pieces? We don't really have lots of knickknacks, but, like, I guess plants or candles or whatever, that kind of thing, I guess a plant could be considered a knickknack. But see, your sticks have leaves on them. I'm all about that. But I just think sometimes like you can be you,

and this is not the royal you, this is you, Ryan. And me right now. I'm all worked up. Yeah, I think that sometimes you can get caught up in being like, oh, I just hate stuff. But sometimes there are things that are just nice and it's just like a bit sentimental or like, yeah, it looks lovely and it makes your house feel really homey.

Things can just be nice. I'm in a bad mood. Yeah, I don't know why. What's wrong? It's all Jess Pratt's fault. Don't say that about Jess. She loves her sticks. Yeah, I don't know why. What's wrong? It's all Jess Pratt's fault. I don't say that about Jess. She loves her sticks. That's what she's told me.

Okay. Righto. Final normal or nah? Oh, this is my area. Do you need to take a moment? This is my area. Do you need to take a moment? Do you feel?

Nah. Okay. Although if you keep telling me I need a moment. Whoa. Whoa. No, no, I'm all good. This is from Dylan Bowling. Normal or nah?

Eating leftover pizza cold. Normal or nah? Normal. Eat it cold. Yeah. Dylan says he prefers cold because warming it up makes it soggy and disgusting. You've got to heat pizza up in the oven. That's genius.

You've got to put the box back in the oven. I've got a real bachelor hack. Yeah. By bachelor hack, I mean a piece of shit boy that doesn't know how to cook. Do you mean hacktula? A hacktula. Today on the hacktula, you put the pizza on a plate to put in the microwave, obviously, because heaven forbid a hacktula would ever turn an oven on.

Yes. I lived in a house without bridge for six months and mum came over and goes, oh, how does the oven work? And I was like, mate, couldn't tell. Never used it. How could you never use your oven? Yeah, it's too hot. Hackshaws don't do ovens.

Oh, my God. Anyway. But to avoid the melting. The soggy bottom. Yeah. You get a glass of water and put it in the microwave with it. I have heard that. It works.

Does it? It does. But how easy would it just be to, like, put the pizza in the microwave with it. I have heard that. It works. Does it? It does. But how easy would it just be to like put the pizza in the oven at a low temperature for 40 minutes and then it's just like ready when you're ready? Okay, I think I found the issue here. I mean issue for us idiot hacktulas. When you say 40 minutes, oh, whoa, whoa.

That's how long it would take to get delivered anyway. No, but if you've got like leftovers, it would take 40 seconds in the microwave. Maybe it's just because us boys are idiots and we don't like to wait and it's, like I said, for me, turning on the oven to preheating, who's got the time? What else are you doing?

I don't know. Not collecting sticks? Yeah, Simon Tom to do fuck all week? Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. What a terrible hack. Hi, this is Katie from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tablas

over at our Patreon. Thanks to Katie, Terry Simmons, Helen Brown, Lauren Hapke, Christy Heron, thank you so much, Gemma Del Bora, thank you, Matt Stephens, Lucy Grant, Isabel Hart and Liam Garside. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining us. Love to see that. Last week I told a story about poop soup. The poo stew. So our

toilet got blocked and I had to very embarrassingly go into the Bunnings and buy a plunger. I got recognised by multiple people at the Bunnings, which is pretty embarrassing. And then like with the towel between my legs, I had to kind of like hide the plunger on the way out of the store. And I just think we've joked about, like, are you mature enough to buy condoms or toilet paper? Yes. Yeah. I'm not.

I'm happy to say I still feel like an idiot and cringe. You just feel like. A plunger is, like, real next level. I was very vulnerable. Like, in that moment, how vulnerable are you that you're, yeah. Completely. But thankfully a few people have come out of the woodwork and supported me and said, Tony, I'm part of the Poop Stew gang.

You're not alone, babe. You're not alone. And I wanted to share a couple because, fuck, they have sent me. So Samantha Daku, she sent this through on Patreon. I work in a very small town, like 20 people in the town. That's not a town, that's a service station. So it's a big farming area. And they've got like a really small actual like amount of people living on the main drag. I'm guessing there's one street. And she works in the hardware store in Saskatchewan.

Hello to Saskatchewan. Hello to Saskatchewan. Hey. Samantha. Welcome. Big dog. My best friend was renting the house across the back alley and she generously offered her house to me so I could eat lunch there and she worked out of town so the house was always empty

during the day. One day, this is Samantha, I really had to poo so ran across to her house instead of going like in the shop because you imagine you're probably working with a few old blokes and you don't really want to like go in and do a poo while they're there. Yeah, absolutely. I mean it's a bit awkward and old blokes in a hardware store. You can only imagine the state of the toilet in there.

The state of that room. Yeah. Samantha says. Someone burn a match. It was a really big poo, like a mega poo is what Samantha Rose says. Her words. Yeah. She didn't what Samantha Rose says. No words. Yeah. She didn't own a plunger.

The friend. There's no plunger in the house. Luckily, our store had plungers in stock, so she runs back to the store. She's her own Bunnings. Yeah. Grabs a plunger, fixes up the business, and is like, I'm just going to pay for this at the end of the day. Anyway, as she's walking out of the store to try and be sneaky, of course, one of the guys called

her out and said, hey, Sam, why do you have a plunger? Which alerted the rest of the staff, you know, the other three people that live in the town. Oh, what's going on? To the plunger. And she was so embarrassed and had to tell them that she'd blocked up the toilet at her friend's place across the road. And they all had a good laugh. And then fast forward to Sam's wedding, all of the staff pitched in for a gift and they bought her a plunger. They didn't, at her wedding. But not just any plunger. They bought like two plungers and like put a ribbon around them

so it was like his and hers plungers for this wedding present. I don't know if that's beautiful and cute or, hey, keep the toilet humour off my wedding day. I mean. I love an inside joke. Yeah. And I'm an open book, obviously. I talked about my poop soup on this fucking podcast.

At the wedding, then people go, oh, that's a funny personal joke. What happened? I mean, the other people at the wedding would probably all live in the town. There's probably only five of them there. She probably married the guy that owned the restaurant. We got another story from Mason Falvey on Patreon. Shout out to Tony and Ryan for being there for me when I was stuck in an elevator for almost two hours today with a dog with IBS.

Oh, my God. My worst nightmare. So the puppy was whining, really had to go in the morning and he went, oh, I'm just going to go back to sleep for 30 minutes. Surely he can hang on. 30 minutes pass by and goes, fuck, I've got to take this dog out. It's fucking going nuts. So jump in the lift.

The lift goes, and stops. And this dog looks up at the owner and is like, I don't know how I'm going to go here. They end up stuck in there. The doors won't open. They're trapped with the dog and the guy. They're trapped alone.

They're like calling people to try and be like, hey, I'm stuck in the elevator. I don't know what to do. The dog lets out this big fart. Poor guy. Yeah, I know, poor puppy because the puppy is just like, I know I'm not allowed to go inside, but I can't hold on to it. Nature is doing its thing.

Exactly right. The dog does this fart and kind of looks, you know how dogs kind of do that, like that eye up. That puppy dog look. That puppy dog look, exactly. Looking real sheepish. Kind of saying sorry, and the fart was just like acid smell. Lucky you weren't in an airtight box.

Oh, hang on a second. You're stuck in a lift. Anyway, so they're fucking dying in there together. The dog's like doing zoomies in the lift and the people are ringing. They're like, we're on our way, we're on our way. All of a sudden the dog's like, I can't fucking hold it anymore and goes to squat in the corner of the lift. Can you just imagine?

Anyway, when all of a sudden the doors fucking fly open and the dog piss bolts out of the lift out into the courtyard and just like the poor dog. What a hero. I know. That poor little thing. And I've got a picture of the puppy, little husky. Happy to be free again.

Look at that big smile. Happy as lads. Wouldn't you have a big smile like that if you've just let out something you've been holding in for a while? Oh, my God. And finally, a story from Andre. It happened when I was in year five. We were on our way back to school after a trip to the beach.

We live in London, so it was a really long coach trip. So you know how they've got like those big buses with like the toilets down the back? Andre's mum packed him a lovely big lunch full of junk food so had been kind of like eating through the day and realised needed to go to the bathroom mid-journey. They weren't pulling over. They weren't stopping anywhere.

So he goes, I've got to go to the toilet on the back of the coach. In the toilet there. Yeah. Walks towards the back of the coach where the toilet is, opened up the door and the light didn't work but needed to go so badly, couldn't hold it anymore so just went in there and was like, you know, I've done this before, probably going to be okay. Once I take a seat, surely how far could it go?

Exactly right. My insides were coming out of me and while doing my business, the coach hit a speed bump or like a pothole or something and all of the, you know how like when you go onto a playing toilet and they're quite shallow? Yeah. Oh, no. It hit a bump and all of the poo came, like slid out of the toilet, onto the floor and Andre's trousers.

Even on the floor is bad enough. Oh, Andre. Andre. Oh, sorry. I tried Oh, I'm sorry. I tried my best to clean it up but it went everywhere and I ended up just smearing it in. This poor kid is just like moving shit around in the dark. In the dark.

Oh. Yeah. Fuck, Andre. Shit. Shit, yeah. I was in full panic because the whole coach would know that I'd shit on my trousers. So I exited the toilet hoping that no one would notice,

but it ended up stinking up the whole coach for the rest of the journey back to school. And kids are so cruel. He would not have lived that down the whole time he went to that school. Oh, my God. And he finishes off saying, not to sound like a knockoff Ryan John Dunn, but the whole experience was harrowing. Well, good use of the word harrowing.

Andre. Fuck, isn't that just so traumatising? You'd never go back to school. Like, that's it. Like, see ya. See ya. Get a trade. My love to see it today.

To shift gears. Thanks for sharing, Andre. Andre, I did say, Andre, would you like me to use a fake name? And he said, it happened years ago. It's okay. But bless you because that's fucking. Thank you for sharing. That's horrible.

Oh, poor guy. I know. Poor guy. And how mean are children? Oh, they just say such horrible shit. They never forget shit. No, they don't. They never, ever forget.

They're like elephants. Great memories. Just to loop back onto how I am now a psychic, this went a bit viral on Twitter. and it's like a text conversation. You know how people post a screenshot of their texts? Yep. Someone's husband has a message saying, is he a youth medium?

Obviously talking about their child. And the mum has texted back, like a child psychic? No. And they said, no, like the T-shirt size. Like, does he want a large or a small? Yeah. And they said, oh, literally that's all it is. I'll pop it in the thread because it's so funny to read,

but she's just like, a child psychic? Nah. Why would he be a psychic? Is that the, if we're talking about mums who don't get it. Oh, yeah. I also have you love to see it. Oh, great. This is from Christy.

My mum sat down on a plane, right, and when you sit on a plane, Tony, you just, oh, g'day, mate, how you going? Like just say hello when you sit down next to someone. Yeah, if it's a random. Yeah. Because you know you're going to be sitting next to each other for a couple of hours. Yeah.

And so Christy's mum just goes, oh, how you doing? Where are you off to today? Mum. And the guy just goes, hopefully the same place as you. That's very funny. Oh, and she's just trying to be polite. Oh, where are you off to? Yeah, because imagine everyone in the airport, they make you a coffee.

Oh, where are you off to today? Oh, I'm off to the Gold Coast. Oh, have a great day. Here's your coffee. And so it must just be. Oh, where are you off to today? Oh, I'm off to the Gold Coast. Have a great day. Here's your coffee. Oh, mum. Mate, if our planes go into the same place. Hopefully we both end up there.

And she goes, uh, yeah. And then had to sit there. You know when you make a shit joke and then you want to leave? Then she has to sit next to this bloke for two hours just going, I'm a fucking idiot. Oh, my God. And you know when you jump on a plane and if you see anyone handsome or anyone good-looking, you're like, we're going to fall in love.

Are we together? Is this, we on? Yeah, well, Christy's mum wasn't getting it on with this bloke. Yeah, fuck. Oh, mum. Oh, bloody hell. How embarrassing. Can we do a story about, is there a saying for that airport tension?

What do you mean? When you see a good-looking person in any other, like if you see someone else on a bus, you're not like, we're going to live together. No, but on a plane. But Hollywood has taught us that if you see a hot girl in an airport, ooh. Yeah.

Hope you enjoy the same food because you're eating it together for the rest of your life. Yeah. Yes, I will have the fucker chair for $13. Thank you so much. Something to look forward to tomorrow. Yes. Two things.

A, we will find out if I'm in fact a psychic. And B, I will be in a better mood tomorrow. Love to see that. Wish I was a psychic and I could let you know. Well, I'm a psychic and I'll predict you. I'm still going to be an asshole. All right, see you tomorrow. Thanks for listening.

We appreciate it. Also my Meowvie rap tomorrow. Not a Twister rap. Sorry, KFC. Not interested in sponsoring us. Love you, bye.