Toni and Ryan - Ryan's Injury & Our Announcement

Episode Date: October 3, 2021

Ryan has been very shady about an injury he has faced during the week, and also we announce our Patreon!! You can find it at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and also join in the fun chats in our Facebook Group! Love ya x Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hi, is that Katie? It is. Hey, Katie, my name's Ryan John and Tony Lodge is about to tell you the funniest joke of all time. Go. Hi, Katie, how are you? I'm good, Tony, how are you?

Yes, good. Okay, the joke is, what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I don't know. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? Katie's called all the way through from 5Ks down the road and that's what you're going to provide for her? You didn't tell me that I needed to think of a joke.

I don't know why I just thought of that. Katie, we're just calling to get your approval before we start this episode. You totally have my approval. Yay, thank you. Thanks for being a legend and being part of the podcast community and stuff. We appreciate it, all right? No, you guys are so much fun. Aw, thank you so much.

That's so kind of you. And thank you for listening as well. I wouldn't want to listen to anyone else. Oh, God, that's going in the promo. Yeah, well done. Hi, this is Katie and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. It's both of us, Tony and Ryan. We are just friends. Just friends.

From Melbourne. If this is your first time listening, thank you. Thank you. Oh, we switched. What? Well, you said welcome and I said thank you and then we switched and we both said the opposite word. That's cute from us.

It is cute. That's cute from us. A lot of people do ask if we're actually together and I just want to put it on the record that despite the frequent advances of Tony Lodge, no, we are in fact just friends. And our incredible sexual chemistry as well. Just incredible.

Do you think that we could get, like, maybe best friend bracelets or necklaces or something? Yeah, friends. Bracelets could be good. Cool. Great idea, Tony. Nah, all good. Yeah, great idea.

Just friends. Well, that's literally, yep. Yep. Not best friends. Not anything more than that. Just friends. I don't know if you get best and friends on the bracelet. Okay.

Hey, coming up, we've got something. Coming up, it's our last episode. We've actually got something exciting to announce. We do. So that's coming up in about 10 minutes time. And also, before we started this podcast, when you and I were just talking shit on videos on Instagram, we did a couple of little series about what you say on email and what that really means. Oh, like the passive aggressive emails.

Passive aggressive emails. Like let's circle back to that. And I have a bit of an extension of that. I have a question about something that I say on email a lot that it has been flagged with me that is maybe not a good thing to say on email. So you think you're being nice, but maybe you're being the snooty, passive aggressive one. Oh, that maybe it's just like a dumb thing to say. Yeah. Now you've got a few of those in your repertoire. Okay. We'll get to that soon. Last Thursday, I put a photo on Instagram and into the Tony and Ryan Facebook group and I said, what's the most embarrassing injury you've ever caused yourself? Because I'm currently in a medical centre and what I've done is really embarrassing.

So have a think, what have you done that's really embarrassing? And Tony, have you also, is there anything that comes to mind for you or are you pretty trouble free? Yeah, I think I'm too safe to have really found myself like in a hospital or anything like that. You're not fun enough is what you're saying. I'm not very fun, no. Like I've never gotten really drunk and fallen out of a tree or anything.

Right. Well, before I tell you what I did, let me share with you what the Tarpers, the Toni and Ryan podcast group people have said. Jade Dillingham, the Big Bill. She's from Massachusetts. The Big Bill. I just gave her that nickname too. She gave herself whiplash after dancing naked in her own bathroom.

Oh, my God. So she was like swinging her hair around and just like flung her neck out and then had to explain that to the doctors. I just, and also if you say to people like, oh, I've actually got whiplash, they go, oh, my God, are you okay? Is there a car crash? Have you ripped off your car? Yeah.

That's the first thing. So imagine then having to be like, no, I was doing a Jaden Smith and I whipped my hair back and forth. That was actually Willow Smith, not Jaden Smith. Sorry, I'm so embarrassed. It was Willow Smith. Regina Edlund, she's from Alabama. Alabama.

She said, I was trying to be sexy for my boyfriend and I had a cute outfit on, so I stood up on the bed and was doing a sexy dance in my sexy outfit only to be clacked. Clacked. Clacked. That was after. Only to be clocked in the back of the head by the ceiling fan that was spinning around the room.

So she stood up on the bed and was like, boom, bang. Regina in Alabama said, that killed the mood. Oh, I can imagine getting clacked. That wouldn't be great. Boom! Bang! Regina in Alabama said, that killed the mood. Oh, I can imagine getting clacked. That wouldn't be great. Jordan from Nelson in New Zealand. Oh, kia ora. She said, I cut an artery in the roof of my mouth eating a sharp piece of toast.

Like it must have been a real crunchy edge and it just straight through. The betrayal of such a beautiful carb as well. I know. Imagine bread letting you down that way. Bread's let me down. Look at my body. Pete from, I believe Pete is in Buckinghamshire in the UK. Buckingham Palace. Now, Pete said he was pole dancing when he slipped, went groin first into the pole,

he bruised his pelvis and his balls swelled up to the size of a tennis ball for a week. Oh, my God. Can I just point out I'm just very thankful that people feel willing to share these stories with us because they are fantastic. They are very good. And you actually said to me, don't look at the post in the group because there's some great ones. I can't believe that.

That would have been so sore. Because with the balls, because they're quite small, right? Oh, righto. Sorry, are we not good enough for you? No. But like. That hand. Oh, sorry.

With the. That's what. Maybe go back to your original hand gesture. With the balls, right? Yeah. They're not that big. So they're like a little kinder surprise kind of egg, like a normal egg.

It doesn't have to be a kinder surprise. It can be a regular egg. Did you know that kinder surprises are like illegal in America? Well, they are if they're about to do what you're explaining they do. Yeah, don't give those to kids. That's swollen up to a tennis ball. That between your legs, that would be really, you wouldn't be able to walk or anything, right?

But it would barely fit in your undies. Yeah, I wouldn't know how you'd fit it all in there. One of my friends, Kate, once asked me, does it feel really strange to, you know, have a penis when you're walking? I reckon it would. Well, most guys haven't experienced the opposite, so how would we know?

Ryan Holding is from Brisbane and he is fabulous. Can you, this is a picture of him. I'm sorry I couldn't print that in colour, but can you just explain Ryan's outfit and vibe here? Oh, I love that. It's like a shacket overcoat, tied up, cinched at the waist, very nice cinching at the waist, a high boot, very leggy and a beautiful job on the eyebrows and the highlighter

and the hair as well. So for me to say Ryan in Brisbane is a very fabulous man, that's not like overstating it or...? No, he's switched on. Yeah. Yeah. He said he fractured his finger doing a backflip. However, he wouldn't have fractured his finger if his acrylic nail

didn't get stuck in the grass. So when he does the flip, obviously you go hand first and he had these big delicious nails on. Apart from the nails, I would have got a round. Oh. That's duly disappointing. Yeah, that is. That is the definition of a wardrobe malfunction.

All right, two more here. Katie Dempster is from Charlotte, North Carolina. First date, I was at a concert. That's not a good first date. Isn't it? Why not? You can't even talk to each other. But would you, depending on what the gig was,

which I'm not sure who this was, but, like, if you're getting your bump and grind on, maybe you're dancing, you're singing, you're just having a, but maybe it's like a fun concert. If you're just sitting there and it's like opera, maybe it's a bit formal. But if it's, like, in the crowd and you're jumping around, maybe it's like a fun concert. If you're just sitting there and it's like opera, maybe it's a bit formal. But if it's like in the crowd and you're jumping around, maybe it's fun. But it's the same as if like you took someone to a movie

for your first date. You can't talk. You can't get to know each other. But again, it depends on the type of gig though. But you can't talk. Isn't that the whole point of going on a date? How many music festivals have you been to? Like none.

Do you know what's really sad? I've actually never been invited to a music festival with friends. Would you like to go with me? I'll take you to one. Yeah. Okay. Like you know how people go and they camp and there's like a big thing and there's like 12 friends? You want to go away with me and my friends? You want to come away with us? You've got like 1200 friends. Yeah, I'll come. You can be one of them. What if they don't like me? They're all quite cool. You definitely wouldn't fit in with that kind of being cool. Yeah. Maybe we'll reassess off the air.

Yep. All right. Anyway, so. So Katie's on her first date at a concert. Yep. And she's about to leave and a drunk person stumbled into her. She lost her balance and went face first into the curb of the street out the front, fractured her nose and got a gnarly gash.

And this is what she said. I had a gnarly gash above my lip that ended up looking like a Hitler moustache. Yes, which is very unfortunate. She said he wouldn't kiss me for a few weeks for fear that he would kiss the scab off and, like, suck it. Right? And they ended up dating for a few years.

On a first date as well. So that happens, right? You're like, I've got to take you to the hospital or the doctor or an after-hours GP or something. They're like, oh, my God, what's Katie's last name? It was Katie, eh? Katie, yep. Oh, my God.

That's what he would have said. Yeah, what's your last name? And then she's like, oh, it's like you don't know anything about this person. Yeah. And they're like, oh, does she have a Medicare card? Does she have insurance? Whatever.

You don't know anything. Are you a partner? I mean, for the last hour, sure. Yeah, like birthday, you're like, oh, I don't know. I haven't asked yet. Oh, you're a Pisces. I was about to say, it's in her Tinder bio. She was a Sagittarius.

But, like, how do you actually deal with that? Torbs has had to take me to the hospital before, and I've been like, great, I know that all of that's taken care of. Like, there's not one person that knows me better in the world than Torbs. Of course he's going to know all of my information. But imagine, like, you've left bloody Nathan out the front and you don't even know if he's going to still be there when you come out. He's sitting on Tinder swiping in the waiting room going,

if I could find something. He's like, I was actually going to hook up with Nicole after this so I'm going to head off. Like, that's so awkward. Thank you for sharing, Katie. Finally, Dominika, I believe. Sorry if I've got your name wrong, Dominika. She's from Brussels in Belgium. Oh.

A friend of mine was drunk and singing on top of a bar and she was singing this. And I will always love you. And I'm just going to put it out there. It doesn't matter if you're a good singer. If you're in a karaoke environment. You can slam this. But if you're, like, just giving it energy,

I reckon the whole bar is up and about and all for it. Yep. So her friend's up about and all for it. Oh, yeah, yep. So her friend's up there and it is the final big, that final big... And we both did it in the studio then. You almost want to fling your head back, mouth up to the sky. Your body's in it. Your body's an instrument in that situation.

So as she flings her head back, she headbutts a metal lamp because she's standing on the bar and there's a light above it, knocks herself out. Mid-song, mid-karaoke. Oh my God, that would have been Coyote Ugly. So thank you to everyone for making me feel better that I'm not the only one who has embarrassing injuries. So I jump on Instagram on Thursday. I see an Instagram story from my mate Ryan and it says, I'm at the doctor's, how embarrassing, whatever.

I messaged you and I said, mate, you at the hospital, what's going on? You were like, I'll tell you when we're recording. Well, it's because it's embarrassing. But I've been worried sick. You have not. I have. And even my boyfriend, Torbs, he obviously follows you on Instagram as well,

and he was like, hey, is Ryan all right? I've just seen your story. I was like, he won't tell me. I would have told Torbs. He should have messaged me. Oh. Does he? Well, he probably doesn't care.

All right. So anyway, I've been worried sick. What happened? It's so embarrassing. So how do I even start this story? Did your wedding ring get stuck up your bum? That's a worry you've had in the past. No, my wedding ring.

I haven't even worn it for months. Because it's stuck up your bum. Because my ring is in my ring. In my kitchen, which you've been into. Yes. There is above the sink in the kitchen bench, these light fittings that hang down from above. Yeah.

During the week, I got the results from my university class. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Very good results. Great results for me. I think I got 80 out of 100, which I'm not a high 90s. For me, getting an 80, I'm like, stuck.

Mate, don't do that. You did really well. I'm doing an MBA for those playing along at home. What's an MBA? Master of Business Administration. You're playing in the MBA. Yeah. I'm an MBA player.

So I get the result. Thank you. Actually, thank you, because that was awful. I get my results. Yeah. Bridget comes into the kitchen, and I put my arms up, sort of half hero arms, half ready for a my results. Yeah. Bridget comes into the kitchen and I put my arms up sort of half hero arms, half ready for a big hug. Yeah. And went to be like, guess who got 80 on their exam? And as I put my hand up, I punched the light fitting and put my hand through the light in

the kitchen and shattered the glass in it. Oh my God. And all the glass went all over the kitchen and through the floor. So, obviously I'm very dumb. I then vacuumed it all up, cleaned it up, whatever. So, did you cut your hand on the light fitting? The hand wasn't the issue. Oh, okay. It was the fact that I thought I'd vacuumed and cleaned it up. And then I stood in the glass. And a light fitting as well. It's so thin.

Yeah. It was a big lamp so there was some bigger thick chunks but there was some like so small you can't even see it. So I thought I'd got it all. There was a few chunks that I like pulled out and it was a bit bloody but then there was a little speck like in my foot that I just couldn't for the life of me get it out and I'm like, I'm going to have to go to the medical centre.

So I get to the medical centre. So did you go to the hospital or did you go to a GP? It was just like a GP, yeah. But I made sure, they always have a treatment room or a nurse area out the back or whatever and I didn't want to go to hospital because of, like with COVID and stuff, not that I'll, I'm like, you don't want to, they've got enough to do, you know? Yeah. So I went to this place and depending on how clean the glass is, they're like, you know? Yeah. So I went to this place and depending on how clean the glass is, they're like, you might need a tetanus shot. And so they're like, well, what sort of glass was it?

And then I had to, because I couldn't just say glass. I had to go, oh, it was glass from a lamp on the roof. She's like, how? Why? And I was like, oh, because I'm actually an MBA student and I did okay in the exam so I decided to hug my wife graphically, punch the light out and then walk through it in my bare feet. And then I didn't realise that, well, first of all,

she had to put the gloves on and antiseptic and then pull like with tweezers, get the glass out of my foot and stuff. Would have been so sore. Yeah, it really hurt. Is your foot still sore now? Yeah. Yeah, it hurts still because I think I'm going to have to get a scan to see if there's any tiny little particles that they couldn't see

with the eye. But I didn't realise how brutal a tetanus shot is. Yeah, it's rough, eh? Because I just assumed it was a thing that you get every now and then, just a little, yep, there you go, mate. And they, like, sat me down. They go, you're going to be sick for a few. Like, it was as if I was getting my COVID jab because Cause they're like, well, after this, you have to sit

in the waiting room for 30 minutes. We keep an eye on you. You can't do this, this, and this, you might experience that, blah, blah, blah. You're going to be sick for, and I was like, for a tetanus shot. And she's like, yeah, they hurt. Yeah, they do. And it does hurt. Like my arm is, so I've got a dead arm from the jab. I got a dead foot from the thing. Oh, you poor thing. A tetanus shot is, is crook. It really hurts. And now I can't get arm from the jab. I've got a dead foot from the thing. Oh, you poor thing. A tetanus shot is crook. It really hurts. And now I can't get my second COVID jab because we were talking about that off air.

That's why I can't get my second one because you have to wait for like the tetanus to do its thing before you get anything else. So, you know, when you go, they go, oh, have you had any other immunisations? Oh, wow. So I have to wait. Oh, I was going to be another week or so anyway. So that's what happened the other day. Oh, I'm so sorry.

A tetanus shot is rough. Yeah, I had one like five years ago but hadn't had one since I was a kid. And how demeaning is it when you walk in there and they go, when was your last tetanus shot? And you go, I don't know. Well, they asked that and I said, I think it's when a girl bit me in Malaysia. What? I think that was the last girl bit me in Malaysia. What? I think that was the last time.

Someone bit you? In a nightclub. What? Yeah, and then I had to explain that. The people at this medical centre feel like I have an interesting life. I hope they don't listen to the podcast. They were lovely. But I was a mess because I was stressed about what was happening.

I thought I was just going to go and get it checked off and then heading to work. But then once they were like, we need shots, we need tests, it was suddenly dawning like, oh, I can't go to work today. You're like, I'm going to be here for an hour at least. Yeah. So I was sort of like stressed about that. And then I forgot my Medicare card. And then they're asking questions about my like medical history. And cause like I'm adopted, I actually don't know the answers. So you can, as you can imagine, I walk in and I'm like sweating and I'm in pain and they're like, do you have a Medicare card? And I was like, I don't have a card. And they're like, what's your history? I'm like, I actually don't know the answers. So as you can imagine, I walk in and I'm like sweating and I'm in pain and they're like, do you have a Medicare card? And I was like, I don't have a card.

And they're like, what's your history? I'm like, I actually don't know. And so I was like a real mess. And then when I left, I'm like, they probably think I'm a crazy person. A little hack, not really related to this actual story, but your Medicare card, there's an app now and it's a digital card. So as long as you've got that on you, you don't have to worry about your physical card anymore.

Okay, so this was mentioned at the doctor. Oh, okay, sorry. So I go to log in. So I'm a doctor's receptionist now. I'm like, hey, did you know there's actually an app? So I went to log in and they said cool, just put your number in here. And I was like, if I knew my number, I wouldn't need the app. Oh, I hate that. Yeah, like what came first, the chicken or the egg? So can I just do a shout out to people who listen to this podcast who guessed what I had? People guessed that you'd stepped on something.

Not that I stepped on something. I just said guess while I'm here. And lots of people mentioned that I might have had like adult toys stuck in places. Like probably more than 15 people DMed me and were like, ooh. As a gag, obviously. I hope so. Sure.

It's like one of those things, right? Like, oh, girl, you bloody got to jar up your bum or something. Well, someone messaged me and said the number one rule is no glass in the ass. It's a good rule. I think everybody's school had that rumour that there was like a girl that put a test tube in her vagina in science class and it cracked and all that thing happened. I fully believed that.

I actually was telling people that story as my story well into my 20s. Not that I put the test tube. Were you the... No. Because usually the one who spread it lived it. What? The story. Spread my legs?

Spread the story. Oh! Because they're the one that are like, Oh. What? The story. Spread my legs? Spread the story. Oh! Because they're the one that are like, oh, I once heard that. Oh, I heard that this thing happened. Yeah, no, well, apparently. And then they're like, Tony, I mean, whatever your name is. Yeah, I mean, that girl that I don't know. But I was spreading that.

You know when you hear like a secondhand story and you're like, oh, my God, somebody I know, that happened to them. That's what I was doing. People were like, that went around every school. So I don't know if that actually happened or not. And a final shout out to Stacey, who listens to the podcast. And last week, we actually

ordered mid-episode a cheese Kransky, who just messaged, speaking of the butt stuff, I said, I'm in hospital, guess what happened? And Stacey said, looks like you found another way to inhale a cheese Kransky. You wouldn't waste that up the bum. It comes out the other end.

Wait. Wait. Because it's quite fatty. I mean, like it comes out the other end. But it wouldn't be the other end if that's where it started. It would be the same end. If you put something up your bum far enough, would it go into your tummy?

Nah. Nah, nah, nah, would it go into your tummy? Nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. All good. Nah, it wouldn't because of your intestines. It wouldn't go through. It would have to wiggle its way through. Nah, so no. I should hope not.

Nah. Okay, cool. Science question. Thank you for everyone's concern of my wellbeing. Well, I was worried, mate, and you wouldn't even tell me, but that really sucks. But good job on your uni stuff. Thank you.

I mean, that's a real winner here. I'm so glad that people could feel your pain, though, with their embarrassing medical stories. Some of those made yours look tame. I know. When I got home and I read Regina's story, Bridget's like, I don't feel sorry for you stepping in glass. I want to see you do a sexy dance in the bedroom and knock yourself out on the ceiling.

Get clacked on the line. So I had said before that very early on in our online relationship that we talked about emails that may become across quite passive aggressive. And at the moment- As per my last email. Yes, which is a mean one. Yeah. Because you know that you're about to get schooled

by whoever you're talking to. Just following up on this. Yeah. Where is it? Just want to circle back to that one. Yep. Or as per our phone call kind of thing. I've told you, you're still not acting upon this.

Yeah, you know this. You don't need me to tell you again. So at the moment we're working from home. Yep. And our second bedroom, my boyfriend, the moment, we're working from home and our second bedroom, my boyfriend, Torbs, we've been together for eight years. He's working on one side of the room. I'm working on the other. So during the day, as things happen, I'm like, oh, look at this thing. And I got this email that I'd kind of been expecting and I was really

excited about. And I'd never spoken to this person before. And I was like, oh my God, what should I email back? I was really excited about it. And Torbs and I were never spoken to this person before and I was like, oh, my God, what should I email back? I was really excited about it and Torbs and I were kind of brainstorming. You know when you do like brainstorm a text or whatever, that's kind of what we were doing. Anyway, he was like. It's like all the group of girls when one of the girls is talking

to a boy. Texting a boy, yeah. You're like, oh, my God, say this. Oh, my God, he didn't say that. Oh, my God, don't put an emoji. Are you crazy? Two question marks, just a single question mark. Just one is fine.

Should I do an X? Should it be uppercase, lowercase? This is cute. I love hearing about you guys just hanging out, you know, getting about your work day together. Yeah, thank you. So it's kind of like both of us have two jobs at the moment because we're, like, going through the motions of both of us.

Anyway, and we're talking about this email and Torbs was like, oh, hang on, I've got to jump on a call. And I was like, oh, my God, he's leaving me to compose this myself. I'm not old enough for this. Abandoning ship? I'm going to have to send an email as an independent woman, my own? Anyway, so he jumps on the phone with his workmate or his boss or something and they're talking about whatever.

So I compose the email alone. Torbs jumps off the phone 10 minutes later and goes, what did you end up sending? What did you land on? And I was like, okay. So I said, hey, censored, so nice to e-meet you. Hmm? Well, that's what he said.

Yeah. He goes, you didn't say e-meet you, did you? That sounds a bit lame. I say that all the time. What? Why? I think it's really cute. Do you?

Yeah, I think it's, like, really endearing. To e-meet someone? Yeah, because, like, if we met in real life, we'd be like, oh, so nice to meet you. And then if you say so nice to e-meet you, it means that when I meet you in person for the first time, I can still say meet you because I haven't really met you, I've just e-met you.

This is the saddest, one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Oh, so I thought you were going to be on my side here. No, no, no. Oh, well, anyway. How many people have you e-met? Heaps. I mean, I haven't met anyone in real life in two years. But what is real life anymore?

If you're having conversations, if you're emailing, if you're Zooming, you're conversing with them, you know them, you've met them. There's no discount for an e-meet. But it's an email. So it's an e-meet. I get how you've formed the word. I'm just saying you're discounting. Okay, I don't think I've formed the word.

No, I mean I can see how you think this fits, reach this conclusion. I just feel like you're discounting professional relationships by putting an E on the front of it. Oh, see, I actually thought that was quite endearing, quite cute. What if, because we spend a lot of, because of COVID, besides literally when we're in this room, we don't see each other any other time. No, we talk on the phone a lot.

Because we talk on the phone a lot, would we be friends or are we like eye friends? Have you met Tony? She's my phone friend. But we've met in real life. Yeah, but we be friends or are we like eye friends? Have you met Tony? She's my phone friend. But we've met in real life. Yeah, but we've spent more time. But this person that I met via email, it was the first time we'd ever talked and I said, so nice to e-meet you.

I thought that was cute. No. And did they respond? Yeah. They were like, oh my God, yeah, so nice to e-meet you. Like, let's jump on a call. Did they say so nice to e-meet you or did they say nice to meet you? Let me look at the email.

Well, it was the person that you introduced me to via email yesterday. Jay? Yeah. She would have hated that. No, I don't think she did. She's above that. I don't think so. No, she didn't.

Let's call her. No, we're not calling her. Hang on, here we go. She said it back. I won't have her borrow that. Hello? Hey, Jay, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing?

Oh, good. How are you? Good. We're actually on the podcast at the moment. Oh, God, hello. Hello. Hi, sorry. Tony just said that when she emailed you yesterday that she said,

oh, it's nice to e-meet you, and I reckon the term e-meet is the lamest, saddest thing ever. What did you feel like when she messaged that to you? I mean, it's kind of generic and you get it every time, so it's not like, oh, she's so funny when she said it. It's not very original, but, I mean, what else can you say these days? I just think it's a... Actually, no, hang on. I would like to say something. Jay, so

nice to chat again. You said it back. Did I? It says, Tony, lovely to e-meet you. I'd love to organise a call later to hear about blah, blah, blah. Because Jay was just being polite. I think it must be just like a filler these days and how people say um and but. Yeah, I think it's like a discount. It's like if you're meeting them, just meet them. You don't need to e-meet them. And now Jay feels sorry for you.

Or you can just be really rude and just be like, hey, good to chat to you via email because I'd hate to chat to you in person. Yeah, that's what you're really saying, isn't it, Jay? That is not what I meant at all. She's like, oh, I'd just rather e-meet Jay. I don't want to actually meet her because. Oh, no, it's like it's so lovely to e-meet Jay. I don't want to actually meet her because Oh, no, it's like, it's so lovely to e-meet you. Can't

wait to real life meet you, is what I meant. Yeah, definitely. And I mean, e-meet's the new COVID normal, isn't it? So, thank you. Well, Jay, I would just like to say as the person that introduced you to Tony, I'm sorry for bringing her into your life. You know what? Don't be sorry because I'm actually very

glad she's in it. Oh. Well, E, thank you. All right. Jay, we'll chat soon, okay? All right. See you. Bye.

Hang on. Not going to get any work from her. E, sorry. Sorry. Hi, this is Katie and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Oh. Yeah. All right, we said we had an announcement. Uh-huh. And this is it.

Lots of people, surprisingly, especially to us here in Australia because it's not like necessarily that normal in Australia. Yeah. Is that fair to say? People know what it is. Yeah. But it's probably less like common. So we're super chuffed that everyone's loving the pod

because we're loving doing it. Yes. And some people have said, do you guys have a Patreon? We would love to support you. Yeah. And we looked at each other and went, oh, do we have a – Do we want to do that? Is that a thing?

And we have decided that, yeah. It is a thing. I mean, who's us to say no? It is a thing. Exactly. If people want to pay our rent, that's fine. That's fine. We'll allow that.

So basically we have started a Patreon. You can go to patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan, and that's where you can support this podcast and help us do all of the fun things that we want to do, including, you know, we want to do more episodes and we get a lot of questions about can we get the full-length video. Full videos, yes. We don't quite know how we can do that and get people to help us and stuff,

but the best way is to support us via Patreon. And also, it's just been so flattering that people want to do that, right? Yeah. And I know that we're not going to bang on about it, but it is just really lovely that people are like, hey, we love what you're doing, let us support you. It's lovely, but it's also a bit awkward because,! Yeah, it's a bit awkward because, like I said, in Australia, and just asking for money, we feel strange about it,

so we just want you to know that that's how we feel. And also, if you're not in a position or don't feel the need to do that, totally fine, no pressure. It's no qualms at all. No qualms. Is that a word? Yeah, it is. Does that make sense?

It is. No, it does. It does. And also, it will never change the pod as it is. Yeah. So we would love to stress that the podcast as it is will always be free. Yep. But you could do this if you want to support us and get a couple of little freebies as

well. So let me tell you. Well, they're not freebies. They're payees. Payees. Because you're paying. They're free for a price. They're free if you send us a coffee a month.

Yeah, so I think the lowest tier, and the currencies are all different and stuff, but it's literally a couple of dollars a month. $4. $4, and that is Australia. In Australia. Which I think our currency's not going well, so probably pretty cheap where you are.

Probably a pretty good time to buy in if you're interested. Yeah, so what do you get, Tony? All right, so for $4, you're a tarper. You're a tarper. Tony and Ryan podcast, for $4, you're a tarper. You're a tarper. Tony and Ryan podcast, it's official, you're a tarper. Exactly. Tarpers make the Tarp, the Tony and Ryan podcast, possible. You are then eligible to vote for movies that we want to watch

and discuss when we do our movie reviews. And we are going to pick our podcast approvers from that pool of people. From the pool of tapas. So what we want to do is at the moment we are being overwhelmed with messages of people that want to approve the podcast, which again was so unexpected. Rest in peace, my DMs.

Yeah. Brian's got 12,000 DMs sitting there of people that want to approve it, which is amazing. But we want to approve it, which is amazing. But we want to make it a little bit more fair, try and get everybody in. And also, I mean, we're tricking you basically. We want your money. Yeah.

Yeah. And don't say when we're on trial. That we didn't tell you. Yeah, we've been completely honest. So the next tier, what's the name of the next tier? Exclusive TARPA. Exclusive TARPA. Which is $11 a month Australian.

Yep. So if you're an exclusive TARPA, every month you get two exclusive episodes and we're calling it you give a topic, you get a podcast. So you actually will contribute to say, I want you guys to talk about this, I want you to explore that, I want you to do that. You get to choose and only those people will get to hear it because it will be on a separate feed through Patreon. It'll still be on your same app, but there's a little secret link.

And you can stream through there and it's easy as pie. Exclusive tapas will get that. Yes. And, yep, so if you say turkey, I want you guys to talk about turkey, we'll come up with a podcast that goes for 30 minutes and it's just full of tangents of us talking about turkeys. All right, next tier. All right, the next tier is the Champion Tapa.

So that's $35 Australian a month. You get everything that the other two tiers have, so you can apply for approvals, vote on the movies, you get access to the two bonus episodes. We also, when you join, you'll get a personalised video from us saying thanks and we'll also do Champion Tapa shout-outs. Yep, so every episode we'll be shouting out the Champion Tapas, getting around them.

You'll be a part of this podcast and everyone's going to know about it. And the final tier, which can I stress, in fact, probably for the last two tiers as well, can I also stress, I'm not actually expecting many people to do it, but this one especially, the final tier, which I believe is $1,000 Australian a month, the final tier, which I believe is a thousand Australian dollars a month, which is like 800 US, you will be the chief TARPA officer, the CTO. CTO.

So not only will you get the personalized video, not only will you get the champion shout outs, not only will you pick the movies and be an approval blah, blah, blah, but Tony will use that money to educate herself and qualify and register herself to administer weddings and she will officiate. Is that a word? Yeah, officiate. She will officiate your wedding. I'll become a celebrant. And I'll marry you.

You, yeah. And your partner. I won't marry you. So when we discussed this, we got confused on this because I said, yeah, then you can marry them. And I was like, hang on, fine print. I'm not going to marry anybody that isn't Torbs. And also we will probably need to have a look at legalities

around different countries, et cetera. Don't put any asterisks on this. $1,000 a month and Tony will marry you. It will probably take her a while to finish the paperwork and do the course and stuff and travel to wherever it is you're from, meet your partner, help you guys out. Yeah. But she will, in time, marry you and appreciate your ceremony.

I will marry you and your partner. Yes. Okay. And I think $1,000 a month, that's a bargain. I disagree. Okay. Now, one final thing to add and then we'll push on and not bog you down on it, but this is where it could get interesting.

Yeah. Considering the bottom tier is the $4 Australian, which is, again, in your currency probably not much at all. Yeah. For every one Patreon, any tier, for every one Patreon that joins in the month of October, we will sit down in one sitting and film the whole thing and eat one nugget. So if five people sign up, we'll eat five nuggets.

If 300 people sign up. 300 nuggets. What do you reckon your limit is? The limit does not exist. So we'll follow along during the month of October. Check in. At the end of October, we will have a final number of tarpers of different levels.

Yes. Exclusive, champion, tarperPer, chief TARP officers. Yep. TARP officers. Yeah, I just said a lot of syllables and they kind of made sense. Our CTOs. It's kind of like CEO is the play on words in case you didn't get that. All of the TARPer.

I think we got that. Oh. Like, I don't know how a CMO is like a chief marketing officer. Yeah. It's cheap TARP. Oh, okay. Yeah. I think we're there. Cool.. Yeah. It's cheap. Oh, okay. Yeah. I think we're there.

Cool. I'll just go fuck myself. Oh, no, you go. No, I'll go. There you go. That's cool. That's cool. I just thought it was like funny playing words that all of them are like job titles.

I thought that was cute. Yeah. And for $1,000 a month, you can get this great ideas. All right. So patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. And like I said, at the end of the month, for every one tarpa, one nugget will be consumed in one sitting. Which will be more destroyed, our stomachs or my inbox?

We'll soon find out. All right, let's get into some feedback from last week. Yay. So we discussed who would you rather, between Tony Lodge and Ryan John, lie to the police to cover up a crime? Who would you trust? Who would you trust? Who's more loyal?

Now, at the time, I thought this was something that you would, like I would want people to choose me because they were like, yeah, we trust Ryan. But the more of the comments I read, I feel like maybe getting chosen as the one is probably an insult. Because people said, oh, I trust Ryan because he's a great liar. Yeah, and it started to become a bit, I don't know if this is a contest I actually want to win anymore.

A very backhanded compliment central. Sadie, I would 100% go with Ryan. Thank you, Sadie. Would feel so much worse about making Tony lie and stressing Tony out because I don't want Tony to stress. I appreciate that, Sadie. Thank you. Ryan can just stress whatever. I don't care for him stress. I appreciate that, Sadie. Thank you. Ryan can just stress whatever.

I don't care for him. Fair. I mean, I feel the same way. I hate putting you out. I hate making you stress, so I wouldn't do that to you either. Wouldn't you? I don't want to make anyone stress. No, I'm stressed.

Yeah, you are stressed. Yeah. Well, Sadie, I mean, go for it. Zoe said, I would trust Tony. Unless you want to join the Patreon, then we're keen. Thank you, Sad keen. Then sure. Thank you, Sadie. $9.

Zoe said, I trust Tony with my life, but not with my phone. That's fair. I understand the, not only understand the reference to a fantastic viral video that I've seen, but also appreciate the levels that you're seeing there. Yep. Talia says, Tony talks way too much, and that's snitch behaviour right there.

Completely agree. I will sell myself out on that one. That's totally true. Okay, this one's from Stephen Mullet. Hi, Stephen Mullet. Now, I want you to tell me, Tony, where is the point in his comment where it goes from complimentary to not quite? Yeah.

I would 100% trust Ryan. Oh, nice. Lovely. I trust him with trust Ryan. Oh, nice. Lovely. I trust him with my life. Wow, okay. Are you guys friends? No, I don't know Stephen. You don't know him?

Okay. Because he looks like a real shady Ken who's hid some bodies in his time, so I'd have to choose him. Okay, well, there's the switch. Raphael Mitchell said the police wouldn't question Ryan. Because you're a white man. Because they know he has bad recommendations and they might think he's recommending the wrong guy.

Oh. Hey, Ryan, who do you think did it? Actually, I don't care because all your recommendations are true. I'm not going to trust you. I mean, that's considering all police listening to this podcast, which is probably true. Actually, yep, I'm on board. Yep.

Should there be a police tier for the Patreon? If there is need for it, then yes, we can create a police tier. I will not marry a police, though, for less than $1,000. I wouldn't marry anyone for less than $1,000. Wait. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Michelle, 100% Ryan for the alibi.

He's been arrested for jaywalking, so he clearly has experience with the po-po. Oh, that's a good point. So you think you go with the person that knows the insides of what that looks like. You've seen the inside of a cellmate, so you know what you, yeah. I have been arrested for jaywalking. If this is your first time listening, I am a hardened criminal.

A former jailbird. And you reckon that you didn't get lippy with the cops, I am a hardened criminal. A former jailbird. And you reckon that you didn't get lippy with the cops, but I don't know. I don't know if I trust you. Just like your mum said, I believe you, Mandy. I think that maybe you did get a bit lippy with the old po-po. I didn't get lippy with the po-po. And that's why you trust me to be the alibi,

because I don't get lippy with the po-po. Keep your mouth shut. All right, before we get out of here, things that you love to see. What have you loved to have seen this week, Toni? Alright, so last week, Britney Spears' dad got removed from her conservatorship. And

obviously, that I love to see on its own. But there was this guy called The Fitness Marshall on TikTok and YouTube. I've watched his dance videos. He does, like, dance exercise videos. And he was live at the time. Yeah. And he was like, hey, just before we get started, like,

is there an update on the case? And someone was like, he's been removed. He's gone. And literally then he's like, oh, my God, let's do this workout for Brittany. And he went fully viral. That's so good. He's been on the news. He's been on Lab Bible and for Brittany. And he went fully viral. He's been on the news. He's been on Lab Bible and stuff.

And he's just blown up. That's so good. Fully blown up. So it's like two great pieces of news rolled into one. I do love to see that. Yeah, you love to see it. You love to see it. There were two ladies in New Zealand who were sitting in a car together

and it looked like they were eating a takeaway fried chicken meal. Yeah. I cannot confirm nor deny if it was Red Rooster KFC or whatever, but they're sitting in their car, eating some chicken salted chips, having a Coke or whatever, and they see these two guys who, like, are wearing dark suits and dark glasses, have an earpiece in that kind of look like a security guard. Oh, my God, the men in black.

Kind of. Have a listen, and keep in mind they're in New Zealand. Have a listen to how that goes down. So who are these security uncles out here looking after these two people? Is it Jacinda? It's Jacinda!

Oh, Auntie Cindy! So they're sitting there. They see two security guards and like, oh, who's this couple that they're supposedly looking after? It's Jacinda Ardern, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, and her partner. They're just walking along the beach and security guards keeping an eye on them.

And these two ladies just lose it. Was Niamh there as well? Was Niamh there? Was Niamh there? Was Niamh there? Oh, OK. Who's Niamh? Their daughter.

No, it was just the couple. Oh, just her and Clark. I know a lot about Jacinda. Really Niamh there? Is that Jacinda? Oh, okay. Who's Niamh? Their daughter. No, it was just the couple. Oh, just her and Clark. I know a lot about Jacinda. Really? Yeah, I love her. She's great. If you were sitting in a car eating Red Rooster, parked up against the beach and Jacinda walked past, how would you react?

I'd jump out of the car and I'd go over there and be like, oh my God. You'd be a security risk. Oh. Because those two guys would tackle you down. Oh, okay. No, I don't want that. I'm very soft. That would have been me. Oh, okay. No, I don't want that. I'm very soft. Is it Jacinda?

That would have been me. I do love to see that. It was so funny. I reckon I watched that video on loop so many times. You can't even see them because they're, like, filming Jacinda. That's so funny. At the moment when she realises. How wholesome as well.

I know. Just being that excited about seeing your Prime Minister. Auntie Cindy! Auntie Cindy! Is it Jacinda? See you guys tomorrow. Love you. Bye.