Toni and Ryan - Ryan's parking lesson

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

SOMETIMES WE JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PARK AND WE END UP SOMEWHERE WE DON'T EXPECT AND WE'RE ALSO HUNGOVER. LOVE U xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. Now today's approver. I'm not going to say which town, but I'm just going to say Texas. Oh, everything's bigger in Texas. We're going to be using the name Letty for reasons I will share with you in just a moment. Oh. But everyone just be cool. Oh, I'm cool. Everyone be cool. I'm cool as a cucumber. Hello. Hello. Is this Letty? And I'm using that name and sticking with it. Is this the right person?

Yes, it is. Oh my God. Why do we have a secret name? Hi Letty, it's Tony and that's just my whole name. Yeah. So Letty, Tony doesn't know why we're calling you that, but can you please tell us why you have this secret name in a secret world? So I have a secret name because I have kind of a secret life as well. Oh my god, are you a spy?

You work for the NCIS? No, CIA. Yeah, she works for that TV show. Yeah. So I am a kinkster. Oh, Hartley Noah. Okay. I participate in all kinds of nefarious activities. Nefarious? I guess not nefarious. So does your workplace or family know of the name Ledy and of this world?

No. Oh, so this is your like sexy old Terego. Yes, it's my pseudonym. So it's like, I have an only fans under this name. So instead of like a pen name, it's like a penis name. I think that's correct. Yes. Yes.

Pen name. Pen name. Well, if you would like to find out more about Letty, search for that on OnlyFans. Yeah, you'll find it straight away. But Letty, will you approve today's podcast? Of course I approve today's podcast. Legend. Wow.

It's thrilling. Hi, it's Letty from Texas and I approve this podcast. Before we get right into the show, are we going to talk about one of our state and what happened last night? Um. Well, it's not important. Uh, no, I don't think it's relevant to my performance. Okay. It might be.

Yeah. Actually. Okay. What do you want to say? You can. No, I just didn't know if it was something we might want to reference, you know, just might've been handy to, you know, just acknowledge up top. I am a little bit a hung dog millionaire.

Yeah. McDonald's has been ordered twice. Three times, including you had it separately as well. I did get a copy. Yeah. Three times this morning already. Ryan goes, yeah, I've had a copy in some, and some hash pounds are like, you wouldn't go again, would you? And then Sophie got in and she goes, you guys wouldn't go again, would you? And no one said no. No one said no. Very good. So I don't know if this is a good time or a bad time, but I'd like to pitch a new segment. Love it.

Love it already. I think it's going to be called Things Gen Z Have Ruined. Oh. This is Things Gen Z Has Ruined. Or do we have to steer clear from Usher and just let Confessions have its time? No. A different theme song. Yeah. Yep.

Gen Z. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I'm actually, can we just say it's all of us? It's not just me. Sophie's the worst though. She can't even stick out for herself. Yeah. Turn her microphone off. Sophie's the worst though. She kind of missed a guy for herself. Yeah. Turn your microphone off. Gen Z's who use Snapchat, TikTok, YouTube, are now just saying, search it instead of Google it and Google is officially losing its status as a verb. What?

You know how we would say Google it? Yeah. Because they've got so much other stuff, like it's, it's almost strange to say Google it for them, they'd be like, I just search it. Cause there's so many, Google is just one of the things they use to search. But like if I needed to know the definition of a word, I'm not going to search that on YouTube. Oh, you might, well we, you might, well they,, and they do TikTok, um, chat GPT. Um,

what? Yeah. And if I, I'm now finding that if I want to know about something, I'll ask chat GPT. Cause if I asked Google, the result is the best SEO link to whatever the website is. Where's chat GPT just tells me the answer. And you skip a step. Interesting. Because you press enter, then it gives you the answer, whereas Google gives you a list of links to then click and then hopefully find an answer. But see, I mean, I don't really know how ChatGPT works.

I guess it scrapes the whole internet and like compiles the information. Whereas, yeah, if I went to Google and I read three different websites, I would then make my like decision on what, you know, but yeah, like I never even thought I would never even think to, I mean, I've never used chat GPT, but if I was asking about Photoshop, I would just ask YouTube. I wouldn't go to Google.

We're like, Oh, how do I use this rendering tool? Bang. Here's the top video. But I would just type that into, um, Safari, which then like on my, on my, get the Chrome app dog. No, I used just the Safari app. But then when you type something in it just goes to Google anyway. Yeah. That's how they get you. But like, if I go like how to render thing, I wrote how to tender. Whoa, what came up? Uh, is it tender chicken or like how to make thing. Yeah. I wrote how to tender. What came up?

Is it tender chicken or like how to make tender love to your partner? How to write a winning tender. What's a tender? Oh, like when you're applying to a government. Oh, like for a, like someone needs to build that new school. The construction companies put a tender in. Like a grant.

So- No, a pitch, more like a pitch. Yeah. For a grant maybe. Like a grant? So- No, a pitch, more like a pitch. Yeah, for a grant maybe. Who's grant? Okay. And then that goes to Google anyway, and YouTube comes up and like a bunch of websites anyway. Yeah.

That, that to me feels better because you get everything in one place. That's what a millennial would say. Oh. Anyway, I don't want to get bogged down on the googly thing. What I love though, is the conceptged down on the googly thing. What I love though is the concept of when a brand becomes a verb or a thing. For instance, band-aid. Band-aid is just the brand. For plaster?

Yeah, but I don't even like, what would you even call it? It's a band-aid. It's a band-aid. Yeah. So I have created a quiz, Tony Lodge, cause I know you're in tip top form. I am. Ask me. Esky.

That's one. Is that, sorry, is that one of your ones? No. Oh, Esky's one. Esky's not called an Esky. Lego. Oh, le, yeah. Oh, what, so what would you call it?

Uh, no, that's just an example. I know you hate when people say Hoover. I do hate it when people say Hoover. Yeah. Because that's obviously just vacuuming. Hover is the brand. Yeah. All right.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you two things. Yeah. And you have to tell me which is a brand name and what's just the name of a thing. That sounds so easy. That sucks. What is that game? You're mean when you're drunk. I'm not drunk. Let's be very clear.

I was drunk yesterday. Very early this morning. Very early this morning. You weren't drunk that long ago. No, no, that's true. Which one of these is a brand name? A Ziploc bag or a tote bag? Oh, shut the fuck up.

Who's off? I started eating it. I got drunk. Oh, you're mean when you're drunk too. I'm not drunk. You were drunk today also. OK, I reckon that a tote bag is a thing and a Ziploc is the brand name. Correct. Because like GLAAD is a Ziploc, isn't it? This next one is going to fuck you.

Oh. Which one of these is a brand name? A Jacuzzi or a microwave. And these have obviously evolved over time. Cause over time it just becomes the vernacular and the lexicon of the world. But at the like originally, there's no way it's microwave. I'm going to go that the brand name is Jacuzzi.

Correct. Two from two. Cause microwave, that sounds too generic, doesn't it? Well, that's just cause I got used to it, I guess. Maybe give it a microwave. Tony is doing physical comedy and shaking her hand at me. It's actually quite clever.

It's funny, isn't it? Oh, it's getting a bit hot. Stop it. Which one of these is a brand name? Bubble wrap or blanket? Bubble wrap is a brand name. Correct. Three from three.

Bubble wrap. That's a good one though. Question four. Which of these is a brand name? Stapler or jet ski? Jet ski is a brand name? Stapler or Jet Ski? Jet Ski is a brand name. It is, I didn't know that when I saw that. I couldn't believe that.

I thought it'd be like, oh, what do you want? You want to get a Jet Ski? It does sound like a thing. Four from four guys. I reckon she's going to get five from five. She's a marketing branding verb genius. Yeah, I am. Which one of these is a brand name?

Umbrella or Velcro? Velcro. It is a brand name. I had no idea. I'm a genius. What is Velcro, if not described by Velcro? Yeah, it's almost onomatopoeia. That sounds like we're fucking riffing sound effects off the board, but we're not. That was just the timing of that. And I don't think Sophie and Tony are both crying. This is why I hate working with drunks. Both gone.

I'm going to film this and put it in. What the fuck? I can't. This is what I'm dealing with. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. No.

Oh. That was so funny. That was so funny. The time was so good. Sobe's crying. I'm gonna put it. Don't get her piggies because she's got a hole in her sock. She's got a hole in her sock. Don't get her piggies cause she's got a hole in her sock.

She got a hole in her sock. Don't get her piggies. My emergency bag. All right. I'm going to put a video of just what happened in the- In Patreon. Oh, fuck righto. Oh, sorry.

What were we even talking about? I don't know, but the timing of that was- My part, my job is- All right, let's get the fuck find out how you play the thing. Hi, it's Letty from Texas and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Leah Young, good on you Leah, Madison, Casey, Megan Leck and Miss MJ. Love to see it.

Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. We can't do it without you. Also another shameless plug for you to vote for us in the Listener's Choice Award for the Australian Podcast Awards. Australian Podcast Awards, it would mean a lot to us to gloat in front of other podcasts. We would never do that. I know. I know.

That makes you sound nasty. Does it? You are a nasty drunk. You're a nasty drunk this morning. But yeah, please vote for us in the awards. We would love to see that. Tony. Yes.

On the scale, one being easy breezy, not a care in the world. Uh-huh. Ten being the most hellish anxiety inducing nightmare possible. Where do you put, yesterday we went to the city, which is why everyone's like this. I drove into the city and I had no idea where I was going to park. I'm like, I'll just find somewhere. On a scale of one to 10. It's I actually can't go on that scale because that would never happen to me.

But maybe that's your aunt. Like if you go to lengths to avoid it. But yeah, like I, but I would never go somewhere if I didn't know what the parking situation was. As in like, not that I wouldn't go, but if I couldn't. Well, say if something happened and you ended up in the car and like, Tony, you need to come to the city right now. I hang up on the phone. I'd stay at home. Yeah. Okay. So I, if you had to put a number, hanging up the phone feels like a nine.

It's irrelevant. Yeah. No, I wouldn't let myself get into that situation because yeah, it would just stress me out. I just also, when you're in the city, lots of one way streets. So you miss an entry of the thing. You've got to go all the way around. It's too much. The hook turns, et cetera.

Nah. So I did this yesterday. I find a city car park and it's always like, you know, the big P for parking, but you go in and it's like down a ramp, up a ramp, three on the side. It's never just like there. Pull out of tooth.

Yeah. But yes, I feel like I went down a ramp, but then went up a ramp and I feel like I was on the second or third floor, but like a fair way away from where I actually drove in. And I'm pretty sure that the exit was like some other street because of the one way streets. And like, it just felt like I'm in my car in a building, you know?

Oh, you know, when you go into those parking garages and you take two turns, but then you're like on the 80th floor. And you're like, well, how did that happen? I've just turned right and now I'm up. Yeah. How does that happen? Yeah. No, that's where I was up to yesterday. Luckily you drove in but got a taxi home. Cause I mean, you wouldn't have been able to handle that Luckily you drive in, but got a taxi home. Yeah. Cause I mean, you wouldn't have been able to handle that at that time.

Trying to navigate getting back out of there. No. So you find an elevator and of course you've driven in a lift, you haven't gone yet. So you go in the elevator and it goes, oh, you know, to exit, go to the ground floor. Yeah. And so you press G and then you go, well,

where's this lift coming out? Yes. Do you do a photo of your car wherever you park or whatever? Sometimes. Or like, you know how it says like blue G or whatever. So you're like, at least I'll remember. Usually I wouldn't, but say when we went to London, I took a photo of like, I'm not gonna remember two weeks

that I'm at like J, purple. In the airport, yeah. So it says to exit, press ground. So I pressed G. We go down to the ground. We're not near the street. Cause like I said, I feel like I'm deep in the buildings. And I come out and I'm not at the street. The door's open.

I'm not in like, you know, those little like arcade mini mall kind of in-betweeny things. Not one of them. And it's 1997. Yeah. You've gone back in time. It's not Elaineway. Who's Elaine? Um, it's the laneway from Seinfeld.

Um, I clicked ground. It goes, ding, the doors open and I'm in the middle of a Chinese restaurant during an afternoon yum cha. What a gift. Should you stop and have some food? Table for one. No, no, but I was not at the front. I couldn't even ask for a table for one because I was past the front.

I was in the restaurant like deep in it. Are you sure? Yeah. Did that happen? Yeah. I don't think that happened. I knew I was going to tell you today. So when I got to the event and met you guys, I had to tell everyone else because I was

like, I think this thing just happened. I'm still not sure what happened, but this is what has occurred. Because it wasn't like, maybe in an arcade and it happened to be a Chinese restaurant there, but I was on the floor. And if those of you- That's how they get of you who are yum char aficionados is that you don't like order and they go cook it. They just cruising around with those carts. And so I'm like dodging carts. Not to be confused with dodging cars. I'm dodging carts,

trying to get out of the place. And they're like, can I help you sir? And I was like, no, I'm not, I just parked. And they went, oh yeah. Did they get that a lot? Like did they seem to get what you're- As soon as I turned around and went, I just parked, she went, oh. Did she tell you what floor to go to instead? No, then I had to exit through the Chinese restaurant. So I had to, from the Chinese- What are they getting, really cheap rent or something? Or they've obviously- They've gone, we're just in the basement. The building's been built 50 years ago and over the journey, it used to be an office and then it was a this and then it was a that and now it's a Chinese restaurant.

I think I have to see this with my own eyes and it's not because I'm hungry that I want to go and get dim sum. And then the carts are going around. I was like, is that a Sue my? Yeah. Sue my Sue. My Sue. My. You know, you're thinking of Sue. My what did I say? Suey. My. It's Sue. My. Anyway, so it really fucked me right off because I didn't know where I was. And I was like, even when I left, I felt like I had to say, oh, just parked because they're

not dining and dashing. Yeah. It's like I hadn't, wasn't paying and I was just legging it. So then question. Are you about to ask about this morning? Yeah. So you went back to get your car. And they go, well, we don't open till 10 and you go, no, I just need to go get my car.

The whole, I wasn't saying I was anxious, but I was just like aware that I didn't know how to get my car back without going through a Chinese restaurant at eight in the morning. Um, so I, which was probably not going to be open. Yeah. So I'm just in the Uber going like, I don't really know what's going to happen. And you go, can you just leave a meter running bud? Cause I don't know if I'm going to be able to get my car out of here. But she wants them like pull crackers or something. I'll grab you

something on the way back. It was across the street from the Marriott, the hotel. And so, so I put into Uber the Marriott. And he's like, are you staying here? And I go, no, I just think my car's near it. And he just goes, like, that was the first, I've never met this Uber driver. That was the first thing I said. And I think he just went, oh, okay. He goes, you don't mind if I take a call, do you? I'm not talking to this guy.

Yeah, yeah. So he was just like, okay. So he just dropped me at the Marriott. And then I walk up and the Chinese restaurant is closed. And so then I physically walked down the like car only ramp that doesn't have a thing either side. Yeah. And, uh, and you, we should also have a list of things that are humbling.

So I feel like that's come up a while. Physically crawling under a boom gate is like, you know what I mean? And you're a little bit dusty and you're like, I'm not ready for this. Because usually you'd go down, you'd pull out the ticket and the boom gate would open. But when you're just a human, I kind of just had to like... Yeah. Oh my god. And then I went down the ramp, down, up the ramp and had to do the whole thing in the thinger.

So you walked the whole way back up. Yeah. The way I came in. Because I didn't know that if I went in the way I came out, I mean, I could be working in a kitchen today. So anyway, that's been my 24 hours. Oh, my, I need to see the thing. I like I need to go. I know that for you, it wasn't a fever dream, like because that does not sound real.

And I agree, it doesn't sound real. But here's where I'm at. A part of me was even like yesterday, I was like, can you guys just come back with me just to like double check? And just like confirm this. Cause I want to, here's the hierarchy of needs right now. Okay. I love this hierarchy of needs. One, I need it confirmed. Yes.

Actually that might not be top, but I do need it confirmed. Yep. I don't want to go back and it not be true. Like I did have a fever dream. Yeah. So a need of mine is to not be embarrassed by that situation. Yep. Hence the predicament of do I take Tony? Yeah. Do I risk this?

The one thing I don't need is to this not be true. And I just fucking who the fuck knows happened yesterday. That is so, I just don't understand how that is functioning. Now this is niche Melbourne CBD chat, but can anyone? Does anyone know? Surely someone else's parked there. It was a big car park. Or does someone work in the Chinese restaurant?

Have you been in the Chinese restaurant? Yeah. Do you know what the restaurant's called? Car park dim sum. I want to know the opposite. Has someone dined in a Chinese restaurant and people just started appearing. Yeah. And you go, Oh yeah, I'm just parked.

And they go. It's a niche question, but I just, I just need some clarification. I only recently watched the matrix and this is feeling a bit like that. Like a bit niche, a bit glitchy. Like it feels a bit like random. I walked in and it was like the Truman show was like, hadn't organized that pathway yet. Yeah, like it just sounds like a real glitch

in whatever's going on. Yeah, and I, as soon as the doors opened, I like leaned back in, checked, nah, is ground. And yeah, I walked past the front counter and then out, and cause that, it's a restaurant you can access from the street. Yeah. So it like, cause, but I sort of turned around, looked back, have I come out of the right one? Oh no, no, I think I'm, I think I'm right.

That is crazy. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. So that was the craziest thing that happened to me that day until I met Tony and Sophie at the bar about 15 minutes later. Um, I've got got enough to say here. Is it that video we're going to post of you dancing? No, it's definitely. No one needs to see me twerking on other people from work. Is it the selfie that Sophie took

with a former Australian footballer? Sophie has told us we're not allowed to post that, which is fair enough. Is it because the footballer was in a worse state than Sophie or? It's to protect the identity of the footballer. Yeah, for sure. And Sophie.

And Sophie. There's no winner. Things can be two. There's no winners in that photo. Might love to see it. Except someone selling alcohol, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Obviously the bar we were at, that has made very, done very well.

Kids are in college now. Uh-huh. Put their kids through college. Oh yeah, I mean, good for them. That means that we've done that, isn't that nice? Just propping up the economy. Yeah. My love to see it is an egg salad sandwich because I made one the other day, wouldn't

eat it today, but I made one the other day and I thought, I haven't had a fucking like egg sandwich for ages. And it was unreal. So I'd made some fresh sourdough. And so I like did the sourdough, like put a little bit of butter and did it like in the pan, like to toast it up. Yeah. Like full toast or just like crisper the edge? Just wanted to crisp a little edge, get it a bit warm.

And then the eggs, like, so I boiled them then did like a bit of butter and some salt and pepper, a bit of paprika. Mayo? and pepper, a bit of pre-car. Mayo? No, I didn't do mayo. Who is? But so did that. And then like the eggs were still a bit warm from having not long boiled them and the bread was all crispy and it was fucking unreal.

And I did, you know, like a real crunchy bit of Cosletters. That flex, I actually grew in my garden. What the fuck? Yeah. The old like people that used to live there like- Sorry, who grew it? Well, no, it's just popped up. Okay. So obviously they'd grown it, but it was like for this season or whatever.

And it just popped up and I was like, oh, that's like Cosletus or Romaine or whatever. Yeah. And yeah. So how many days ago was this? This was on the weekend. So that happened on the weekend. This morning you've had McDonald's three times. It's hard to believe the same person could have such a diverse range.

Diverse is actually exactly the word I would use. The contrast. A breadth of abilities. That is huge. It was really fucking good. Often overlooked, I feel. Do you think you incepted yourself? Cause I feel like there was a finger of sticking me here.

Your finger was in my mouth last night. So I don't think that anyone can be saying anything. Yeah, they did. That is a real thing that happened in a busy venue. Um, with clients. That is a real thing that happened in a busy venue. With clients. What was I saying? I think it was good. Did I accept myself because there was a finger of...

A finger of egg sandwich when we had high tea in London. That was fucking unreal actually. But do you reckon that like reminded your human that they are a thing? I ate my human. Reminded my human. No, but like your, mate, you've got to take a seat. Your body is going, oh, I remember this. As a concept.

Yeah. And then a few weeks later you're like, oh, cause letters growing. It's all allowing up the lady with the maths meme. But yeah, it was unreal. And I just like, that's my recommendation. Yeah. Get around that. Lucy Rachel is a tarpa who is a- Both of them? No. Sorry.

Ms. Rachel is a primary school teacher. Yep. And her kids do show and tell after lunchtime. Cute. You know, you have to do something after lunch to kind of like ease the, cause the kids are just crazy. Yeah. And you got to like ease them back in. Yeah. So they do show and tell after lunchtime

as like a little thing. Yeah. We used to do silent reading after lunch, which is actually not the vibe. Nah, cause you're up. Cause you can't go from a hundred to zero. You need to ease after that. Tony can do zero to a hundred, but you can't do a hundred to zero.

Although sometimes if I'm at a hundred, I drop to zero pretty quick. Yeah. I'm a primary school teacher and for show and tell a child bought a lunch box full of snow. He wanted to show us all the snow. That is really sweet. Because we do show and tell after lunch and he didn't tell me about it, he opened up the

lunch box and it was just water. So the kid's a fucking liar. He goes, oh yeah, I got all this snow. Oh no, it's just water. He goes, oh yeah, I got all this snow. Oh no, it's just water. He just fucking turned the tap on. Yeah. He's a little liar.

He's a grifter. Do you reckon that's what Miss Rachel said? No, no, she sounds a lot nicer than me. You said you had snow. You didn't really, did you? Yeah. Everything I count home? Yeah.

That's, you know, like I'd question that. Are you not getting enough attention at home? You's, you know, like I'd question that. Are you not getting enough attention at home? Yeah. Bring this shit in here. Um, but little sweetheart. That is actually fucking adorable. It's adorable. But he would have been like, I promise it was. Yeah. Well, tell the ward of that. Tell us know that you can't, it's gone. Miss Rachel drinks the water water crushes the lunchbox

Like hell aggressive. Where's the lunchbox is a hat. I've got my friend green. I'm like, oh used to be snow Yeah, when I go to the beach remember all this used to be snow and now it's the ocean Ocean No, now it's the ocean. Snow ocean. I've got to go back to bed, I feel. Yeah, we've started abusing primary school kids. Sorry if we might just leave it there, I reckon. Love it though.

Have a better day than us, everyone. I have an egg salad sandwich on me. We might try again. The idea's on me, I'm not gonna buy your sandwich. We'll try again tomorrow, with normal or nah. You have a good day. Love you. And if anyone can beat three Maccas trips today, you also let us know.

Let us know. Snowshin. Love you, bye.