Toni and Ryan - Ryan's Three Ways

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Surprsingly NOT a threesome. LOVE YOU!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Just me being funny as per usual. Needs no context. Tony being an idiot. We are calling Andrew who's in Wollongong. He's in the gong.

In the gong. We'll have to ask Andrew if he knows Monique de Rocha and Franco. And Franco, yeah. Because who the fuck are they? Isn't everyone talking about it? What else are people in the gong talking about? Literally. Oh, how's the train to Sydney today?

Oh, shit. Hello? Andrew! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Good. Andrew, you live in Wollongong, right? Yes, I do.

And can you confirm that you do in fact know Monique de Rocha and Franco? The name sounds familiar. Yeah, well, that's all we need. That's all we need. A couple of Wollongong celebrities, Andrew, Monique and Franco. Everyone's talking about them. Everyone's talking about them, Wollongong. Andrew, will you approve today's podcast?

Yes. Legend. Hey, it's only one thing worse than making an absolute fucking idiot out of yourself in public. Anal. Two things worse. Surprise anal. And making an ass out of yourself

in public when Tony and Cam are there to witness it. Oh, yeah, we'll never let you live that down. Yeah, no, and you haven't. Nah. You haven't. It's been a few weeks and you haven't. Yeah. If there's one thing we know to do, it's the third way,

and that's all I'll say. So coming up today, both myself and Bridget on separate occasions have made real fucking idiots out of ourselves in restaurants and i think as a top community we will decide who is the bigger fuckhead or maybe it's both of us the other thing is is that if there's one thing that the top community can do it's laugh at you and with you at the same time sure because we all do dumb stuff and so we can laugh at you and then go but we love you as well to be fair and be honest now did i put my hand up immediately and go yeah nah i fucked up

there and i'll cop that you went no no that's what you did i think with your body it was very interesting whoa yep that just happened soon. It was really funny though. All right, the first normal or nah, people submit these in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. Just search the Tony and Ryan podcast in Facey. The Facey group's just fucking. It's popping off at the moment. It really is.

Yeah. Let's start with Amber Rice. Amber says normal or nah, taking a nap inside the bed sheets. I think that naps should be taken on the couch or on top of the sheets. But I found out my best friend naps in the bed under the sheets and bedding. Sorry, do you just mean like tucked right in the same way you like would at night time? Yeah. I agree with both.

Like I understand why you're kind of going, oh, a nap needs to be more casual. Like a nap needs to be, oh, I flaked on the couch or on top of the bed for a bit. But I sleep better tucked in, like under the blanket. So if I start to fall asleep on the couch in the afternoon, my partner Torbs always says to me, just go to bed for an hour. You'll sleep so much better than an hour of that weird broken fucking spinal changing sleep on the couch.

I am a napper. I've always napped, love a nap. I will fully get dressed, put my pyjamas on, under the blankets, go to bed and fucking do it properly. I completely agree with you, but I'm not going to lie and pretend that I don't walk in the front door and put my pyjamas on the second I get home. Oh, so by default you're doing that.

I'm always in my pyjamas or in like a house dress. Like just like a- A house dress? So like my clothes graduate from being able to be worn out of the house and then if they get a little hole in them or like a bit of oil stain or something that you can't get out, then like that'll become a house dress. Oh, that's okay. So I thought you meant like you would go and purchase

like a purpose house dress, like a muumuu. Oh, that's okay. Sorry. I thought you meant like you would go and purchase a purpose house dress, like a muumuu. You're like, no. I would do that, though. I am buying this with no intention on ever wearing it out the front door. It's a house dress. Yeah. Well, some of them are kind of like that, I guess, now,

because I'm like, well, I wouldn't wear that now. But, yeah, so normally I'm wearing something like comfy and loose anyway. Yeah, so my T-shirts, this is actually good chat. I reckon. Thanks. I just started a podcast. I get like a good T-shirt. Yeah.

And I'll wear that out. And then over time I'll wear that to the gym and maybe sleep in that one. And they kind of just downgrade themselves. That's what I mean. They graduate back down to like because they're not good at. Yeah. And the next thing you're doing gardening in them and they're fucking, yeah. Yeah.

But I think because like. BJ's sleeping on it. They're like not bad enough to donate or throw in the bin. So you go, oh, probably, yeah, wouldn't wear that out. But it's still good. When you say bad enough to donate. Oh, but like, oh, that sounds awful, doesn't it? Don't remember that time I got lit up by that old fucking bag.

Because your clothes were shit. Yeah. And she said you weren't allowed to donate anything. I guess actually- But she was more judging my fashion than the quality of the clothes. Bad enough to donate. That sounds awful. I don't mean that.

I meant like they're not something that you'd go, it doesn't fit anymore. So I'm like actually just like nixing it for my wardrobe. I did a great cull the other day. Did you? Yeah. Four big bin bags full of stuff going to the salvos and a big box of shoes. Were they all jeans? There was about five pairs of jeans in there.

Yeah. R.I.P. R.I.J. If you want to go down to the Vinnies Inn Reservoir, I reckon there's a good fucking stack of my clothes in there. Sweet haul down there. If anyone's interested in sniffing my old clothes, they're there. Or buying them. I'm interested in bothing my old clothes, they're there. Or buying them.

I'm interested in both. Abby Clark asked, normal or nah? Anytime someone says something that includes song lyrics, you simply must sing the next line of the song before you move on with your life. For example, if someone goes, it's hot in here. So take off all your clothes clothes i am getting so hot i'm gonna take my clothes off oh oh i am i've lost my you don't have to oh god i thought i wanted to get into it and then i would oh no he's yard that's really ruined the day

i'm sorry everyone i tried to take my shirt off, but I was wearing headphones. Terrible. Yeah. It's not even a – it's an around-the-house T-shirt. It's hot in the studio. I do agree, though. I'm a big singer, naturally. I sing a lot.

So any opportunity to bust something out. Getting hot in here is a fucking classic. When anyone says that accidentally though one of my um this is actually quite personal one of my um ocd triggers like something that like really bothers me is if someone says for the longest time i can't not sing that billy joel song and there's like a it sounds like it's not real but it is and there's a harmony in one of the parts of the songs that I have to get right and I can't like move on until I've like gotten it right.

And I – like so if someone's saying it, says it to me, I'll have to do it and it's actually quite painful. But it's the same thing. Can we get an example or is that me? No, I can't. I can't. But it's fine. But that is one – and so whenever people say things like that, I'm like, oh, No, I can't. I can't. But it's fine. But that is one.

And so whenever people say things like that, I'm like, oh, yeah, I have one. Can I please? Please don't do it. Because it's quite painful because I have to just keep doing it until I get right. But if we've got time and, you know, we're all friends here. But it does. And there's been a couple of times on the pod where I have to do it in my head while we're still talking. That is painful.

Yeah, it is actually fucking painful. What if you got a free swing and we were just all here for you? It's not about a free swing. It's about the pain that I feel in my body when it happens. Steph asks, normal or nah? Hi, Steph. Giving your dog a middle name so you can have a long version of their name to announce when they've done something naughty.

My dog knows that if I use her long name, she's awoken the beast and she's fucked up. So like as my mum would do like a Tony Louise. Yeah, Tony Louise Lodge. Tony Louise. Yeah. Yeah. Is this what you think that I do at home?

No, but I could see now that you know the concept, I could see you going, Pippa Raleigh Patricia Lodge. That's a great idea for a name. I don't do that because I think when we're playing, I'll like Pippa Raleigh or like whatever, and then when she, Pippa. So it gets shorter. Do you give her a last name ever? Pippa. Oh. So it gets shorter. Do you give her a last name ever? Pippa Lodge.

Oh, maybe. How does Torps feel about her being a Lodge and not a Torpland? And not being a Toblerone, my mistake. So when we took her to the, I was the first person to take her to the vet. So automatically she became Pippa Lodge. That happened to BJ and then Bridget got married and changed her name. So now BJ's just out on his own as BJ Rotter. That's really sad.

You have to change it. Yeah. Well, but now that we've moved, we'll go to a new vet. So it'll be whoever takes her to this vet first. Get in immediately. So I've got to get my skates on and take her to the vet. Pippa Rala Lodge. Yeah, and put my claim, like sink my claws in, stake my claim.

Yeah. Because, you know, a legal battle, if she's got the wrong last name, I mean, who's getting her? Torbs. Well, if we go overseas again and she has a different last name on her passport, they could think you've stolen her. That's a good point. Because Bridget's been a bit slack changing her name on a few things.

She's half and half, isn't she? She's in a weird middle zone. Yeah on a few things. She's half and half, isn't she? She's half. She's in a weird middle zone. She's in no man's land. And she went overseas with Mabel Dunn and she went overseas as a Bridget Rotter and they're like, who's this child? That seems so old-fashioned. It really does.

But she just had to take like a birth certificate and this and this. So if there was any kerfuffle, she could like whip out the paperwork. Yeah, and I think it's better to be safe and sorry than in the middle of an airport in Doha and you're trying to explain away to whoever you're talking to. Be like, oh, I promise that. It's actually quite common for people not to take the second last name anymore. Yeah, maybe in Doha they do things a little differently.

But no, Piparelli Patricia Lodge? Piparelli Patricia Nige. No, because when I'm angry,? Piparelli Patricia Ninoj. No, because when I'm angry, I can't get all those words out. Okay. So I feel like is easier. Give me your angry, the name that I just said, and see if you can get it out because it is a bit of a tongue twister. Piparelli Patricia Lodge.

It's the pep-pep. Bronson Johnson, get in here. But you don't do that. You go, BJ. BJ. That's what you do? Yeah. Like if he's out the front or whatever?

He doesn't do anything naughty though. No, but if he's out the front and you're like, BJ, get in here. Bitch, get in here. He slept on me last night. He's missed me when I was away. Oh. Slept on my legs all night and I had to get up too because Mabel was crying in the night for a feed. So I got up and because BJ slept on my legs, I had a dead leg.

So I put my pressure on my leg and just flopped. Fell down. Bridget thought something had happened to me. I was about to say, did Bridget just sleep through the whole thing? She's like, he'll be fine. She just goes, you're all right. I'm like, yep. She goes, okay.

Jared asked normal or nah and get the beep ready cam. Now I'm just reading what Jared wrote. Okay. All right. I'm just reading what he wrote. Safe space. Moving your car away from the fuel bowser after filling up and parking in a parking space before paying for your petrol.

You're fucking done at the bowser. Move your car away and stop holding up the fucking line. P.S. I know this is going to give Tony big opening your drink while shopping before paying energy. However, there is nothing more annoying than when you need to wait five minutes when the car in front is just in the line in the store ready to pay. It rarely takes five minutes in the servo.

I reckon the longest it's ever taken me to get into the servo and pay is like a minute. I'm in two minds about this. If it's really, really busy, then I will like think about trying to get across. But also when it's really busy, you often can't move the car very easily because there's so many people lined up. Well, my thing is, is if I get back in the car to move it and park, I think they think that I'm legging it.

That's my second point. So, like, I get in the car and then do I get, like, an automatic, like, do they go, oh, she's number five hasn't paid yet. Addy's legging it. Yeah. And then what happens? I just think it never takes that long to actually go in and pay because everybody's doing the exact same thing. I'm not in there like browsing the chalk milk.

Like I'm in there, I'm paying, I'm getting out. Yeah, but you've just moved to the suburbs. Yeah. So let me introduce you to a new thing. And that's, and I know you did a good job of filling up the night before. The other night, yeah. But when it's like everyone starts work at 9 and you go to a server at like 10 past 8 and everyone's a bit like snippy

and trying to get to work and it's like peak hour. Yeah. It's like a different ballgame out there. But I have – And then you will want a choccy milk. Yeah, because you go, oh, well, I've just gone through that. Yeah, I've got to go through that. I've got a half an hour left to drive. Yeah. I'm going to choccy milk. Yeah, because you go, oh, I've just gone through that. Yeah, I've got to go through that. I've got a half an hour left to drive.

Yeah. I'm going to need some chocolate milk. And also if you have to get fuel in the morning, normally you trick yourself by being like, oh, I'll grab a coffee there or a little muffin, a little poppy seed muffin or something. Servos have lifted their fucking snack game, haven't they? Yeah, they have. The 7-Elevens, remember when we did an ad for them like years and years ago,

those chicken crunch snack wraps or whatever? That was so fucking good. So 7-Elevens in the US. did an ad for them years and years ago, those chicken crunch snack wraps or whatever? That was so fucking good. So 7-Elevens in the US- This isn't an ad, by the way. Can be slightly dank. Yeah. And I said, in Australia, we've got good coffee and sushi in a bakery in a 7-Eleven, and people's fucking minds exploded.

They are really nice here. There's that one in Richmond on Bridge Road, that big one. That is a really nice 7-Eleven. I'd say that's top five 7-Elevens in the world. I reckon it must be because it's very big and it's really clean and the people there are always lovely and it's always really well stocked. You know when you go into a 7-Eleven or a Servo hell late at night and everything's gone because they haven't done night fill yet or whatever

and you're like, fuck. They must just be always filling because it's always start. They must be. Anyway, I think like, I think it's actually, this might be something that people wouldn't expect from me. I think it's fine to leave your car at the bowser for the minute and a half maximum that you're inside to pay. I think that's all right.

Yeah, okay. Did it blow your mind when we had to pay in advance in the US? I didn't like that. And you also don't have to, the freakiest part wasn't just the pay beforehand, is that the pumps, like the actual like bowser thing, locks into the car and it pumps and you can walk away. Because here you have to hold the handle. You have to hold it and you have to like pull the like trigger.

Which seems really old school when you think about it. Surely we've evolved past needing to hold the handle like a fuckhead. You have to hold it and you have to pull the trigger, I guess. Which seems really old school when you think about it. Surely we've evolved past needing to squeeze the handle. No. How busy are you that you can't stand there for the 90 seconds that it takes to fill up your car? Don't you end up having a sore forearm because you've been gripping? How big's your tank, mate? How big's your tank, mate?

How soft are your arms? No, it doesn't take that long. Big tank. Big cock. Hey, it's Andrew from Wollongong and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Patreon is actually completely separate from Facebook. Someone messaged me the other day.

They're like, I don't have Facebook, so can I have Patreon? It's totally separate and there's like a bit of different content in there. One of our tiers is champion tapas, Tony and Ryan podcast. And a few of them that we want to say hey to today. Lisa Milio. Thanks, Lisa. Thanks, Lisa. Robert Hazel.

Good on you, Robert. I got Robert Hazel eyes. What song is that? Was that trying to be Betty Davis eyes? Yeah. Betty Davis eyes. Oh, I thought it was Betty Hazel Eyes. Ignore me.

No. Betty Davis is a person. Behind These Hazel Eyes. That's what I was trying to sing. I got confused. Rob Hazel Eyes. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm singing Behind Blue Eyes by Creed.

No, Limp Bizkit, isn't it? Or whatever. Yeah. Behind These Robert Hazel Eyes. Is that what you were doing? Yeah. Yeah, but I actually did sing Betty Davis. You did.

And then I did Behind Blue Eyes, which is, yeah. Kelsey Wood. I think that is Slim Biscuit. See, we just did the singing thing that we were talking about before. I think it's Slim Biscuit. No. No, it's Slim Biscuit. Is it?

I think Fred Durst does, like, a really grungy, like, acoustic version. I thought it was,imp Bizkit. No. No, it's Limp Bizkit. Is it? I think Fred Durst does like a really grungy like acoustic version. I thought it was like Creed or something. Who sings behind Blue Eyes? Cam. Oh, first of all, it's done by The Who, but it was covered by Limp Bizkit. Oh. Kelsey Wood. Good on you, Kelsey.

Thank you. Yeah Yeah we're still We're still working SRB Some random bitch I don't know what SRB says And Harriet Huckleberry Isn't that the greatest Porn star name you've ever heard

Harriet Huckleberry Suck my Huckleberries Right on Yeah Come on my Huckleberries You did a little I did boob jiggle, sorry. On Saturday, the Champion Tapas, we will be doing a teleparty,

which basically means we all watch a movie together and there's like a chat room and it fucking gets a bit hectic in there, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It's good fun actually. It is really fun and it's good because I can be in my pyjamas. Well, and we're learning that. I was like, no one can see you.

Yeah, an inside dress. House dress. House dress. I would like to dedicate this story to anyone who's made an absolute arsehat of themselves in a restaurant before. Maybe you can remember a time when you embarrassed yourself. I feel for you. I'm here for you.

Let's all be dickheads together. Because my family, I, Ryan, and my wife, Bridget, two of the most embarrassing things I've had to sit through. One of them was my fault. One, I just witnessed Bridget do it and it was awesome. Now, what makes mine worse is that Tony Lodge and producer Cam were there to witness mine. Actually, let's start with my beautiful wife

because I feel like once we start telling my one, fucking who knows where we can end up. Yeah. So who was present for this? Was it just you? My beautiful wife, Bridget, my beautiful daughter, Mabel, and I, Ryan, were at a restaurant. Yep.

What kind? It was probably more of a cafe, kind of some snacks, tacos. What time of the day was it? It was 4.30 in the afternoon, and this is important because with mabel going to bed at like 6 30 often we'll go out for like dinner at four or five o'clock and like because breakfast is late because we're dealing with mabel we'll have like breakfast at 10 and then we'll have like a meal at four and sometimes that's it yeah so it's sort of like

sunset and so it's a beautiful time of day but as you know when the sun gets lower it can like when it gets in your eye and you're facing the wrong way it's like blinding yeah and because it was a sunset and it was glorious bridget goes oh i think i'll get a wine oh usually we just get a soda water or something yeah sparkling and she goes i think i'm gonna get a wine the mood was right the mood was it was a glorious glorious day yeah and the waitress comes over and goes, what can I get for you? And Bridget goes, I think I'm going to get a wine. And the waitress goes, how good? Yeah.

And she goes, well, what can I get you? What a great waiter. Ticking all the boxes so far. This is what I think Bridget thought was going to happen. And then I'll tell you what actually did happen. This is what Bridget thought was going to happen. They kissed. Bridget goes, hmm, let me think.

Will I get the pinot or maybe I'll get a rosé. Or a Chianti. Yeah. A Chablis. She likes a Chablis. No, actually, yeah, I will get the Chablis. Did she get a Chablis? I think that's how she thought the conversation would roll out

with sort of a I'm thinking out loud and we're chatting through the wine list. And I enjoy that with a waiter because I think it's kind of like you're offering them an opportunity to go, I love that Chablis. Yeah, or to contribute and go, oh, this is really great. Or if you're getting the fish, this will go really well. Exactly. Or like, oh, you guys have already got blah on the table.

Are you thinking of staying with red? Because if you are, then I would suggest X. I really like that at a restaurant. And so do I and so does Bridget. If you're in the right mood. Sometimes you don't want that, but most of the time you do. No, and it felt right. Yeah.

However, this is what did happen. Bridget goes, hmm, let me have a think And the way in her mind goes, okay, and fucked off And Bridget, who's staring into the sun and can't really see anything Just assumed that the waitress was still there And then has this whole conversation Yeah, we'll get the check, please We have to get the fuck out of here She has this whole conversation. Yeah, we'll get the check, please. We have to get the fuck out of here.

She has this whole conversation with the store. Yeah, I'm thinking maybe this or I was leaning that. What do you think about the this? Blah, blah, blah. And ends up going, yes, I'll get the Chablis. Now, I've got Mabel on my lap and I think Mabel must have just, like, dribbled a bit. So I'm, like, wiping her mouth.

Yeah. I'm just sort of not really paying attention. Because I'm like, oh, Bridget's going to chat with wine with the waitress. Oh, good. I'll take care of maids for a second. And then when she orders, I look up and because I'm not looking into the sun, I can see the waitress who's three tables away helping another table.

But the waitress kind of looks back and notices Bridget. Still ordering? Yeah. Actually, no. And then I go, there's no one there. And Bridget goes, what? And then puts her hand up to block the sun and goes, oh, she's left. And then the waiter walks back over and she goes, yeah,

I think you just ordered, but I wasn't here. So can you say that again? Oh, I don't think that's on Bridget. I think that that's on her, the waitress. But when you're a waitress and someone goes, oh, I'll have a think, you go, oh, good. Yeah, as in like you need five minutes. But sometimes you don't want the waiter like loitering.

You're kind of like, oh. That's what I said. Like sometimes you do want that and sometimes you don't. But, yeah, I guess if you went, let me have a think, you would go, great. But normally they would go, I'll come back in two. And you go, oh, okay, yeah, great. Well, she goes, I'll have a think. And the waiter must have given that nod to kind of the nod says, yeah, all good.

Great. But didn't verbalize it. But again, with the sun. She couldn't see. She couldn't see. But maybe the waitress didn't know that she couldn't see him. The nod, oh, she's seen that. Yeah.

And good times had passed. Oh, my, how embarrassing. I mean. It was the greatest day of my life. It's so funny. And what a wholesome thing to go wrong. Like, just so silly. I wonder how long she could have kept, Bridget could have kept going.

Well, yeah. She was like, God, this woman, like, loves chatting about wine. Before I look up and go, who are you talking to? She probably, if you hadn't have said anything, Bridget would have been talking. And the girl probably would have looped back around at the right time. Bridget went, oh, we'll have the Chablis. And she would have gone, hey. And just missed a little bit. Like, and no went, oh, we'll have the Chablis and she would have gone, hey. And just

missed a little bit. No harm, no foul. Everyone's none the wiser. She gets to order her drink. She got to have her little chat. I sometimes think that about a murder mystery movie. I want to watch the first scene where someone dies, then I'll fuck off for an hour and a half and come back for the last scene when they reveal who it was. That's what I felt about The Glass Onion.

Waste of time. I fell asleep under the blankets in my 90 and yeah that was woke up found out who it was like great and i went awesome torbs because you slept through the whole thing and i went did this happen he went yeah and i went cool should we get dinner like what should we do that is amazing was Bridget's worse? No way. Yours was much. Oh, same realm though. Like same like miscommunication of a situation. Are you telling this story?

Well, I only know half the story because I was missing from some of it. Can I just say what I think happened and you guys correct me when I'm. Yeah. Okay. So the three of us, producer Cam, Tony Lodge, myself, Ryan, we're at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant in Las Vegas. Hell's Kitchen. Tony's wanted to go there her whole life.

And for dessert, I ordered coconut three ways. Did you? Yeah. No, I did. I did. Which is, believe it or not, not the top three most embarrassing parts of this story, which I believe was like an actual coconut shell with like shredded coconuts, which I believe is one of the ways. The second of the ways was like a coconut flavoured ice cream, which was scooped into the thing. And then the third one. Now, this is where I'm not sure. was like a coconut-flavoured ice cream which was scooped into the thing.

And then the third one, now this is where I'm not sure, I believe it's sort of like a dry ice, something's on fire. It's a very, like, theatrical thing. It is. And so I, after having the main, had, like, fucked off to the bathroom. But we'd already ordered the dessert. Yeah. So this is what I think's happened. I've gone to the bathroom.

They've brought out the coconut three ways, but it's only two ways thus far. And they've gone, oh, because it's like kind of showy. You know when someone brings out the sizzling hot pot and the whole restaurant goes, ooh. Yeah. They go, oh, we'll wait for him to get back before we like fucking put the sizzle on.

Yeah. So then I come back and I see coconut two ways. And then you guys said to me, oh, yeah, the guy came over. He's going to come back. Yeah. Am I right in thinking what's, is this how it played out at your end? So he kind of walks over with like one of those little jugs as well. And he goes, oh, so Cam and I both got the set menu.

So we just had like a sticky date pudding. So they put ours down. They're like, you're easy, you're done. And then they put down the coconut two ways so far. He's got this little jug and he goes, oh, I'll come back and do the theatre part when he's back. And I went, perfect. Perfect. Because heaven forbid I would miss my.

I actually kind of, I went, great. And then I half went to go, it doesn't matter because I knew that like. Who gives a fuck? You didn't really care. Yeah. But he'd already walked away. It was quite busy. And so we didn't start eating our dessert because we were like, oh, well, you're not here.

Yep. And the guy's going to come back. And we didn't want. Yeah. Anyway. So. So I get back to the table. Tony and Cam have explained this to me.

And then our waiter, not the waiter, our waiter walks over and I go, sorry for the hold up. And he goes, okay, and just walked off. Wasn't the same guy. Different guy. And he looked at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? And you were like, oh, sorry for the hold. And I went, that's not him.

And you went. But this guy, he's got the sizzling plates and he's like, I don't care. Yeah. And he just keeps walking. He just kept walking. He couldn't have cared less. Sorry for the hold up.

All good. You could have been Beyonce. And in that moment he was like, I'm busy. I've got these sizzling plates to take to table three, mate. And Tony, who does like to sit in other people's, you know, like just really pile it on. Not this time. You were straight away like, wrong guy.

Yeah, because I was just like, that's not him. Not him. Different weight up. And then I can see the guy who it was and I kind of went like, ooh, he's back, he's back, he's back. And he just looked straight past me and I was like, well, don't start because they're going to bring the thing over and I didn't want to upset the waiter.

So an hour passes? No, it wasn't an hour. Maybe two hours. You guys weren't that patient with a sticky date pudding sitting in front of you hey you had a bit of mine i know because i was waiting for my third way and i can confirm now that i am back in australia and not in the las vegas restaurant i still have no fucking idea what that third way was i don't know what it was either and um and i never got it we should probably call them and ask for a refund on our third way. So do they refund

a third of the price? Or is it like, is it three ways or none? I ordered three ways and didn't get it, so I want a full refund. No, I think we could sit for the third of a refund. I think that's fair because we still got to experience the other two ways. And while you were in the bathroom, I had some of that sorbet and it was really yum. It was really yum.

And thanks for waiting. But I feel like the hero of the dish was maybe more than a third. Yeah, I don't. But the shredded coconut, the first way, was a fucking cop out. That's like a little. Yeah, that was just the bowl. Yeah. The second way, though, the ice cream sorbet was very, very good.

But, yeah, I don't know what that third way was. But then, like like we have these like because waiters in America are like very attentive because like they're working for tips and I reckon he had my way he had his way with you and then so

you sip your water and it's full again you like get halfway through a drink they put a new one down like all this stuff and we're sitting there looking around for this guy and I'm like, did a little wave and whatever and, like, no one came and I don't know who we pissed off. Well, it wasn't our waiter for the day.

No. I think he was, like, the third-way guy. Well, he's not doing a good job because we didn't get our third way. He's just three-waying him. We went all the way to Vegas for our third Vegas and we didn't get it. He's just three-waying himself around the room. But so I don't, I really, yeah, but you, oh, sorry, mate. I did make a bit of a big deal.

Because you do because you're a bit in, and you go, oh, God, everyone. Sorry for the hold up. Yeah, stop waiting for me like all good now please continue the service exactly the show may go on and i i do believe you did throw your hands oh sorry i can confirm more than one hand was thrown yeah and it wasn't all right god it was very very funny and the three us, one of us more than the other two, were quite violently hungover.

And so it did feel even funnier then. Did it? Yeah. I was the worst one. And so I really enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing your shame with us.

My vulnerable moments. But that fucking story about Bridget is hilarious. I've got to love to see it to bring my spirits back up. Not the spirits that Tony brought back up after drinking 15,000 of them in Vegas, though. I actually think I had about four drinks and I was the most hungover of all of us, so I didn't do a good job. Jackie Martin was watching the movie Tammy.

Oh, the one with Melissa McCarthy in it. And among others, yep. And her husband goes, oh, isn't that the lady that Tony and Ryan had dinner with? And yep, right there on the screen, Kathy Tarpa Bates. Kathy Tarpa Bates. Have a look at her. Ryan's actually the first person in his family to have met Kathy Bates. Quite a big deal.

But the fact that Jackie Martin's husband was just fucking bang on, ready to roll. That is very, that's comedy from Jackie Martin's husband. Yeah. Let's call him Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin. He has fucking made my day. That is.

I may not have had a third way with a coconut, but I have had a good time with Mr. Martin. You can have a three-way with my coconuts if you like. Sorry, not for me. Good time, sweetheart. If anyone knows what the third way is, please message me. Oh, I'd love to know. And I don't even want to Google it because I actually kind of love the mystery of what it was.

Well, I feel like we need a video because it must have been very theatrical. I mean, you'd hope so after all that. I just wish that I'd said to the guy, don't worry about it. But I didn't want to offend him because, like you said, Ryan, just before, he's the third-way guy. The only reason he's on shift is to do the third way, and I didn't want to take that away from him.

If I didn't order it, he'd probably be unemployed. Yeah, like you're actually stimulating the economy. Thank you. We definitely stimulated the economy the night before. I've got a love to see it. Kayla sent this through on Patreon. Thanks, Kayla. I have a love to see it.

On a walk this morning with my husband. Oh, type of husband's really going to look in this morning. Yeah, it sounds like someone's been proposed to. A man had his engine running and ran back inside to get something. Is that a metaphor or is that... So they're on a walk. The guy's gotten in his car and obviously been like, oh, I forgot my lunch.

Ran back inside, the car's still running, and it was an Audi. Oh, my God. And the woman stole it. No. You love to say that. Free Audis. There was a cowboy cat sticker on the back. So a cat wearing a cowboy hat.

Stick. And one word on the number plate. Meowdy. Yes. That is so good. Kayla says, I had to contain my excitement when the impeccably dressed fabulous man returned to his car. I had to say, oh, my God, I love the sticker on the number plate. You've really made my day.

And Kayla goes, he's 100% got to be a tarper. Yeah. And Kayla said that the second that she started freaking out, her husband went, it's obviously tarp related. Yeah. And I love to see that. I do love to see that as well. Not just the car, but the husband's reaction as well.

I think that's fucking bang on. Do we need to start or do like a special bonus episode that's just called Husbands of Tarp? Tarp Wags. Yeah. Tarp Hags. Tarp Wags. It's so good.

I love that. I love that. Thank you for sharing that on our Patreon, Kayla. Now, tomorrow is... Video show. It's a video show. We're back with the video shows. We are.

Now that we're back in town. And also, I think this is one of the bigger days on the Tarp calendar for the year. It is. It is not the gift giving, but the official draw of the Tony and Ryan Secret Santa. Now, we have to go through the rules. There's been a few snippy comments about last year's

and who did what. This is our third year now. Yeah, our third year. It's the third way. It's the third way. The third way. So we're not going to do it, actually. It's not coming. Actually, I'll just go to the bathroom and when we get back.

How about we pull the names but we just won't do the gifts? Yeah, and when we get back, then we'll do it. Yeah. Oh, sorry for the hold up. That's not the right guy. You're not talking to anybody. Looking into the sun, there's no one there. Yeah, secret sander draw tomorrow.

Yeah, we've got to iron some kinks out of the process, I think. And I'll also be interested in an update from last year's gifts if they have or have not been used. And I'm not pointing fingers at Tony or me or my dog BJ. Well, I know that you used your gift because it was good. We'll be back tomorrow. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Love you, bye. Fucking hell.