Toni and Ryan - Salt in the wound

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

NORMAL OR NAH and online ordering: buyer beware. Love ya!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. We are calling another Dunny. And this Dunny is in Alaska. Straight to the toilet. Have we had an Alaskan approval before? You say that a lot about different places. I'm certain we would have. Hello? Hello. Is that another Dunny? Oh, my gosh. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Christina, welcome to the show. I just said before, I don't think we've had an approver in Alaska before. Is that correct with your memory as well? I'm pretty sure I'm the first one. Wouldn't it be that big of a surprise considering there's not a lot of us? Hey, Christina, do you approve this podcast? Of course I approve. Yay!

Hey, this is Christina from Palmer, Alaska, and I definitely approve this podcast. Coming up today, a warning for people who do their grocery shopping online. And I know, Tony, you may be a convert. And this is not like a warning, like don't do it. It's just like a little tidbit that you might fall victim to. So, and learn from my errors because I've caused permanent damage to me and my family. I actually saw a great story online the other day, like someone's Instagram story. And they said that Woolworths delivered the wrong groceries and they got to keep the groceries and a full refund. That's a fucking win.

Isn't it? Yeah. That's a real win. Wouldn't you? Yeah. That's a real win. Wouldn't you be happy? You just hope that you don't order one bag and 10 bags rock up and you go, all right. Hopefully that's the bread I like because I've got it in my house now. That happened with me with Uber Eats once. And they brought someone else's order.

But I was like, but what did they order? See, that's happened to me. But the bad way, like I'd ordered heaps. Like we had a few people over. I think it was, like, four of us. So we'd ordered, like, four burgers and, like, nuggets and all this shit. And it came and it was, like, a double cheeseburger and, like, a coffee. Oh, no, like, you still complain and get your original order eventually,

but then you just. No, but they don't do that now. They normally just give you the money back and you've got to, like, reorder. I don't want the money. I want the food. I want the stuff. I know. But it's okay if you only ordered the coffee

and the thing and then you get the family box. Like no one's fucking complaining about that. No, they're alright. They've taken that one to the grave. Good on them. But first, normal or nah? And people submit these in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. And Smosh Smodges. Oh, back from the dead. Back from the dead. I haven't heard from Smosh

for a while, but this one. Pretty good. It's normal for me. I'm putting that right at the top. Smosh't heard from Smosh in a while, but this one. Pretty good. It's normal for me. I'm putting that right at the top. Smosh Modgers asks, normal or nah? Having your favorite burner on the stovetop. On our stove, all the burners are the same, but for some reason I can't bring myself to use any other than the front right.

Normal or nah? Normal. Mine's front left. Yeah, you would. But is that because it's the closest to you? Well, it depends where you're standing. Like, I mean, if you shuffled across to the right, it would be... Oh, no, no, no, but I mean, like, because using the burners at the back

really scares me because I'm worried that, like, if you're picking something up off the stove and you've got, like, a tea towel or something, I'm always scared it's going to, like, set on fire of the burners at the front my go-to at our house now is back right that's my everything really yeah and then someone stayed the night a few weeks that sounds like I'm having a hook up like some friends stayed over uh and in the morning I had someone around yeah and they were like cooking in the morning yeah and they were using a different one and I was like oh I don't know about know about this. Like it just threw me a little. It's the same when like someone comes over.

Oh, sorry. It's the same when someone comes over and they like sit in your spot on the couch. Do I do that? No, it's just like, it's just one of those things where you kind of go, oh, okay. And then they go, oh, is this your spot? And you go, yeah, but like, it doesn't matter. But you still go, oh, is this your spot? And you go, yeah, but like it doesn't matter. But you still go, oh, okay. I know where we stand then.

And I am standing because you're sitting in my fucking spot. But it's like a real power move without even knowing it is. Well, what about when there's, say at my dad's house, right? There's the couch. You know at my dad's house. So there's the couch, but then know my dad's house so there's the couch but then there's like the seat which is you can't sit in someone's yeah that's right it's quite clearly like dad's got pole position dad's chair yeah and the aircon comes in here the tv's right there

there's a the remote lives on the table next to it the remote lives in the specially designed seat cover that has pockets down the side. Of course. What has he got in there? A TV guide and a fucking TikTok from 1998? I'll put that wiki in there for next week and I'll remember about it still sitting in there.

But if I were like, you wouldn't sit there. Oh, no. Yeah. Nah, you can't be sitting in someone's chair. Fuck. Yeah. My mum had a chair. Did she? Yeah Oh, no. Yeah. Nah, you can't be sitting in someone's chair. Fuck. Yeah. My mum had a chair. Did she?

Yeah, she did. Yeah. How long, like, once she's moved on, do you still like, nah, but that's her chair? It was kind of like, oh, mum's not here. Not when she died. But, like, if she was still alive, oh, mum's not here. Not when she died, but like if she was still at work. Oh, yes, yes, she finally died.

Oh, I'm really sad to see you go, mum, but fucking guess where I'm sitting when I get home. It was kind of like if she was still at work and I got home from school, you can sit in the chair until mum wants it. That was the rule. And then she's like. And literally she'd walk over and you'd go, yep. And like you'd just walk away.

Did she have to say anything? It's like she walked over. Nah, she'd just walk over and she'd have her coffee or. But even like a little. Nah, she literally, she just knew that we would get up. And you knew. Yeah. And it was a great chair.

Like it was this big black leather chair. When I had like the recliner thing. And I think it had, from memory, it had the upgraded chair had like a cup holder in it. So you could pop your bottle of Sprite in there or something, which is a bit nice. Would you like your own chair or do you like the couch? Because I like having like the dog and like I like a communal couch. I like the couch too,

but there is something about settling into like a big armchair. Do you like the armchair at my place? Because you've had Mabel in yourchair. Do you like the armchair at my place? I do. Because you've had Mabel in your hand. I do like the armchair at your house, yeah. There's something nice about like, yeah, having your own space. And because Pip is so small, she could jump on my lap and she'd fit. Maybe we'll do a chair.

Not that I have the room at my house, but, you know. I'll put it in the courtyard. Yeah, put it outside. It'll be fun. The Little Woot asks, normal or nah? Even though you know it's going to be crap, eating the frozen French fry before you put it in the air fryer. It's fucking disgusting, but normal.

It's like I'm always, if there's something I can grab as I'm eating. And Bridget will say to me, like, you're actually preparing the food, not fucking eating it. Oh, Bridget. Because, like, if sometimes, and if I'm in the headspace, I could just, like, serve dinner and it'd be empty plates because I've eaten it all as I'm making it. Yeah.

Or she's waiting for me to make it and I'm just in the kitchen, like. Nibbling at little bits or, like, when you're cutting up stuff for a salad or, like, getting shit ready. Yeah, I do agree. I am a nibbler as I cook, which is bad because then I, cause I'm like so hungry. So I'm cooking. But then by the time I sit down, I'm like, oh, well I like nibbled on all that stuff. See, I was not that hungry.

Yeah. Oh, I'm actually okay. And you only eat half your dinner. It's a whole thing. I've never eaten a frozen chip before. I don't think. Well, it's actually not cooked. Not cooked.

But it's gross. Is it quite chalky? Yeah. Like grainy? Yeah, that wouldn't be good. Nah. Nah. But you're hungry and you kind of know what it could become.

Oh, it's the future chip. But you're ruining the good food. You are, yeah. But I think that most people would agree with that little woot. I think people would do that. I reckon people think that's normal. Darcy asks, normal or nah? Using your teeth instead of a knife to cut ingredients, e.g. carrots, olives.

I can't be bothered doing more dishes, says Darcy. Never. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Baby, give it. Yeah, Casey and the Sunshine Band. I was just listening to that song on the way to work, actually. What were you saying?

Sorry. Using your teeth instead of a knife. Oh, nah. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. No, never. And when people, when people use their teeth to like open a, like open a bag or like bite into something to open it, that freaks me out. All right. If you have the choice, if you're watching me open a block of cheese and here's the two options. One, I'll use my teeth to like rip it open.

two options one i'll use my teeth to like rip it open or and i think we've discussed this before i'll just start cutting cheese slices into the block whilst it's still in the plastic as my method of opening the plastic um i'd probably rather the second one because that can always go in a glad bag like that can always go in a resealable bag oh you just kind of curl it over the corners yeah well yeah like whatever if you want your cheese to go hard like an idiot, then that's fine. But that can be rescued, but watching someone open something with their teeth just makes my blood cold. What about people that open a bottle of beer with their teeth? My brother always opens with his wedding ring.

So he can do that. Not that your brother would be described as a bogan, but when he designed the wedding ring, did he put a... Oh, no, so it doesn't have that on it. Could you imagine that on a wedding? Because you can buy those. That's what I meant, but on a wedding ring? No, no, no.

It's literally, it's just like a gold band, like a slim gold band, but he can just like... It's like how people can open a bottle with a cigarette lighter. Oh, that fucking blows my mind. Can you do that? Nah, but it's impressive how people can open a bottle with a cigarette lighter oh that fucking blows my mind can you do that nah but it's impressive at a party isn't it

oh it's so cool when people do it don't go Zay pass it here mate in your life oh and doesn't it fucking make your pussy wet straight away

sorry wet pussy shot anyone it does though it does that I think oh two things will make Tony's

vagina damp. PJ version. Before 6pm. Someone popping a beer lid with a lighter. With a cigarette lighter. I just think it's cool. And then someone said something when I was at university the other day. And as soon as he said it, I was like, fuck, Tony would just collapse into a puddle if she was here.

I think i mentioned to you later so this guy said something really smart um about the industry that he works in and he goes oh what do you do and he goes i'm an architect doesn't it just sound like a fake job yeah like it sounds like a job like from how i met your mother like it doesn't sound like anyone's job is actually that. You know what would send me right over? Someone called Vivian who's an architect popping a beer bottle open with a cigarette lighter.

I mean, have we found my perfect woman? I think we have. Someone get a bucket and a mop. Hey, it's Christine from Laska and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champions from the Patreon. All of these people will be able to watch our marathon live stream. Next Friday.

Yeah. I think we've got a bit of an update, but the hours are getting up there. Their hours are getting up there. It's now at the point where I'm like, please do not sign up. Please stop signing up. But so exclusive level and champion level tabs will be able to watch it. We're very excited. That's like a week away.

Yep. Next Friday. Melissa Gorham, thank you so much. Brooke Jarrett, absolutely love you, Brooke. Thank you. Josh Canavan, Jamie absolutely love you, Brooke. Thank you. Josh Canavan, Jamie Gary, and David D. David D? Oh, my God.

Do you think it's David Duchovny? I thought it was David Dubrovnik. Who's that? The YouTuber. Oh, that's David Dobrik. Oh, yeah. And he's a fuckhead. Is he? He got cancelled, I think.

What? Didn't he? That's a real shame. Yeah, I think his crew was a bit shit. A bit fucking off. Oh. A bit hay-going, yeah. a real shame. Yeah, I think his crew was a bit shit. A bit fucking off. Oh. A bit how you going?

Yeah. A bit how you going? Anyway. Dave Duchovny, though. Why don't you just say David Dubrovnik? What's Dubrovnik? Oh, that's a town in Croatia. The place, yeah. Dave Duchovny.

One of my favorite shows when it came out. X-Files? No, when Californication came out. David Duchovny was in. I actually wasn't born in 1973. Yeah, I did. That's the only thing that I know he was in. When Californication came out, I fucking love that show.

Do you think that when you name a baby something like David Duchovny, you go, well, they're going to be successful? Like, is that literally just like, cool, stamp of approval, you're going to be fucking sick? That's a powerful name. I'm going to Google it. Is it his stage name? Oh, no.

Wouldn't that ruin a story? His name's probably like Bob Smith. Oh, no. I was like, it's David Duke, but I accidentally Googled David Duke. David Duke. Who's David Duke? That's a great question. He's a professional hockey player.

Great. Dave Duchovny. That's his real name. Oh, fuck. They've set him up for success. He went to Princeton and then has a PhD in literature from Yale. What? Yeah.

But then his agent's Scully. Sully. Strully? Scully. Scully. Or is he the other one? Mulder. No, he's Scully.

Is he Mulder? No, he's Mulder. He's Mulder. Yeah, she's Scully. And she's Scully. Scully. Or is he the other one? Mulder. No, he's Scully. Is he Mulder? No, he's Mulder. He's Mulder. Yeah, she's Scully. And she's Scully. Yeah. Good for them. All right, there you go.

And that's the end of the show for today. Well, David Duchovny, he is part of our Patreon, so he'd love to see that. Thank you very much. A warning for people who do grocery shopping online. Very convenient, though. You're a convert? I really like it. I think it's, do you know, this sounds like an ad,

but like on the website how it's like, oh, looking for ideas and it says like nachos and it has like add corn chips, add cheese, add blah to your list. Isn't that a great idea? That's like a feat of engineering. You know what I mean. It is. Yeah? like a feat of engineering. You know what I mean. It is. Yeah?

Yep. Okay. You know what? I take that back. A feat of engineering like Sydney Harbour Bridge. I take that back. It's a good idea. And that's fine.

What's the Wiz Khalifa building in Dubai? Burj Khalifa. Yeah, yeah. Wiz Khalifa. Engineering marvel. Isn't Wiz Khalifa a rapper? Yeah. And he builds buildings.

Yeah, of course. Burj Khalifa. Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Wiz Khalifa, and nachos on the supermarket app. Nachos on the website. Engineering, feats of engineering. Yeah. Madison Square Garden.

Yep. All in there. My second favourite civil engineer. That's a joke from Panaflex Press. What do you think when they don't, this is actually usually and most of the time good when they don't have what you want and they go oh we don't have that but this is pretty similar i'm quite particular and i because normally if i pick a certain, it's because that's the brand that works the best or whatever.

But I think that when you shop online, you actually have to let that go. It's like a trade-off, right? You go, oh, it's so convenient. Sometimes I get a different brand of blah. Yeah. I don't have to get off the couch and the cheese is bigger instead of... The Kobe one or whatever. Whatever.

Yeah. I think that you have to mentally prepare yourself for that. Are you a salt guy? You know, some people like into salt and they know about salt. Nah. I've got some smoked Himalayan salt in my thing because when Jag and Lane moved away, they gave us all this stuff from their pantry and it's there. Sometimes we use it to impress people, but nah.

So we always have like flaky salt in a little bowl like by the... Oh, we have that too. We actually have a salt... It's got a name. A salt cellar, I think it is. And it's got like a little roof on it and you like just pinch some in and whatever. Yeah. And so when you're cooking, pinch it a little bit on it.

And because it's flaky, it's designed to be kind of... You flake it. Salt bae bay exactly yeah so i've been on the internet yeah i know so we're ordering salt and i go yeah i want the salt and they go sorry we don't have the flaky sea salt but we've got the rock salt and i go what yeah sure same brand salts from the same place do you normally do a maldon the, the Maldon flaky salt? That's expensive. I've never bought it because I look at it and the box is very aesthetic. Yeah, it is.

It looks really nice, doesn't it? But I go, no, I can't. But Maldon, the Maldon, it's like a dark blue. But you know the one I'm talking about. I do, yeah. I've looked at it. And maybe one day if I win Lotto, I'll buy a box of that salt. And I'll get you guys some too.

Please. Yeah. So because I'm not a salt guy, Yeah. You don't know. When they go it's the same salt, it's just like comes a little bit different. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Nah, not the same thing. Nah, not the same at all.

Not the same thing. So, how did I say I use the salt? That it's in like a little dish next to your stove and you flake it in. Yeah. But you're like, you know when you like rub it between your fingers and it kind of it in. Yeah. But you know when you rub it between your fingers and it kind of distributes appropriately? Not the rock salt.

Well, no, because it's fucking rocks of salt. Yeah. You basically bought salt Cocoa Pops. So imagine having scrambled eggs with some salty Cocoa Pop chunks in it because I just went, oh, yeah. That would fucking taste like getting dunked at the beach it's not about the taste mate it's about snapping your fucking teeth off both yeah hang on but a minute ago you were saying that you were happy to open stuff with your teeth take that take it back

not open rocks of salt so where and you know when you bite into something like a bone or an olive pip and you just have it's like the similar to when you bite into something like a bone or an olive pip and you just have, it's like, similar to when you have something in your eye, like your whole world stops turning. Oh, yeah. You bite into something hard and you're like, have I lost a tooth? What's going on? Do I need to go to hospital? And so I just got a hand of rock salt and kind of just sprinkled it in.

And I'm like, yeah, I'll just stir it through as I'm doing. That'll fucking break down. Break, nah. Nah. It actually won't break down. Break your teeth instead. Yep. Yeah. And so it was Break, nah. Nah. It actually won't break down. Break your teeth instead. Yep.

Yeah. And so it was like Bridget and I were eating pebbles from the driveway. And she goes, what the fuck have you done? And we both are. And then you're scared. And because it would have been really salty because it was big lumps of salt. You don't, but you don't get the taste of salt because it doesn't mix in. It's just like, you can't, it's just a rock. But then when you had that rock in your mouth

wouldn't that have been like a big lump of salt would was that salty well but again because you don't break it with your teeth it's just like i'm sure if you broke it down yeah but no it was just like oh and um and bridget goes what the fuck have you done what happened and eventually we were like oh it's the salt and she well, what salt did you get? And I go, oh, like the same as we always get, but it just came in a different thing. And you can imagine her going, what do you mean? So not the same thing.

What do you mean? It's exactly the same. It was just a little bit different. So not actually exactly the same. Yeah, fuck. So what's rock salt used for? I don't know. Okay, that's a shame.

I actually don't know. Because I have a fuckload of it and I don't know what to do. Do you know, though, the kettle chips, they are rock salt and vinegar. Maybe you could make some of those. I will. Because when they didn't have the small box of... The Maldon. It's actually a big box of rock salt.

Just stare. And it's fucking expensive. Could you put the... Oh, I've got an idea. What if you... Salt is expensive. What if you bought like a pepper grinder and then instead of grinding pepper, you grounded your salt?

Can you do that? Well, it's just the same thing. Surely if you your salt can you do that well it's just the same thing if you've got a salt grinder it's just a mill like it's just i have been am i a genius you are a mineral genius you are are you a geological engineer yeah i came up with the idea of that cole's website you better believe it the nach That is genius. Yeah, that was me. I have started to use... I'm scared about... Mortar and pestle. Thank you. Thank you for not making me say that.

I was going to say Hansel and Gretel. There's a witch in there. But like the effort to reward ratio is off. It's off. Why don't... I hate to be this guy. No, you don't. You love...

Just fuck it off. Righto, let me back up love it. Just fuck it off. Righto, money bags. Can you just fuck it off? Throw it off my shoulder? You know what? I'll buy you a nice box of Maldon. My treat. Haven't won Lotto, but I'll buy you a nice box of Maldon.

Because I don't want to see you going through this. Or you could buy a pepper grinder. That would work. You can buy me whatever you like. And that wouldn't be like mortar and pestling because you'd just scrooge enough. Technical term. You'd just scrooge enough that you need it each time. Okay.

Yeah. You could do that. Okay. You could buy a nice one. You know, like a heavy pepper grinder? You know those giant ones that have them in the Italian restaurant? I saw this skit where a guy has a pepper grinder bigger than himself and he doesn't work at any restaurant,

but you know there's a street with restaurants right down it? Oh, yeah. And he's just walking along going, pepper? And people go, yeah? And he's just got this huge thing. But plot twist, it's meh for meh. Sorry. Okay, I think that'll do.

I don't know why I said that. Just double check your order and that's the end of the story. I don't know why I said that Just double check your order And that's the end of the story I don't work at Coles anymore So you're saying Fucking hell Sorry for saying that I was like, yeah, remember that genius

That invented the nacho thing? Yeah Yeah, what was her follow-up idea? Yeah Yeah, the sophomore album really Yeah, you only get one Yeah What do you love to see, Tanya?

I love to see Tony? I love to see producer Cam cutting that out of the podcast to be honest. No. Okay great. My love to see it is from Caitlin Archer in our Facebook group. I wore my Tony and Ryan socks to the gym today. Fuck yeah. And another tarpa

recognised them and now I have a gym buddy. I love to see that. Isn't that so cool? That is so cool. So I wanted to bring this up because people are starting to get their merch, which is so awesome. We've got a thread in our Facebook group we would love to see. Or tag us on Instagram because I'm loving watching people have my face on their bodies.

Yeah, it's Tony's dream. It's so crazy, isn't it? It's actually a bit of like a tear in my eye when I started seeing all them. Did you see my cousin Bonnie sent us a video? I did. She sends me a lot of videos. I was going to say that was the first time she sent you a video sober. Yeah.

She messages me drunk a lot, which I think is the mark of friendship. Yeah. Isn't it? Like, remember when I called you drunk because your wife and I were wasted and you had to come pick us up? Well, you weren't calling for as an endearment. It was like, can you drive me home? Can you come and get us and maybe get us a cheesy on the way home?

Yeah, and it was 4.15 on a Wednesday. It was. It was 4.15 on a Wednesday. Wednesday Arvo. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Anyway.

My love to see it is the, did you see the Belgium shot putter? No. it is the did you see the belgium shot putter no so it must be like a athletics thing where as a team you like accumulate points so it's like you know imagine like a school carnival like the 100 meter sprint you win and someone else won that and it all like contributes to the overall score yeah so apparently both the hurdlers from belgium were injured but it's like this you have to compete in every event to just qualify. Yeah.

So maybe the winner gets 20 points, but you get two points if you just tick that one off. Or you can just stay in the game. Kind of. And so the hurdlers got hurt, and this girl who was a shot putter, and a shot putter, very different body shape, very different skill set, very different muscle groups, just goes, well, if all we need to do is just finish it to tick it off,

I'll do it. What a team player. Yeah, and have a look at her just loving herself sick. I'll send you the text message because it's cute as fuck. And everyone else is loving her and getting around. And hurdles is hard. Oh, yeah. Well, there you go.

It saves the team from being disqualified. Oh, and the way that as she approaches it, she kind of steps over it. She's tall. She's got that in her favour. That's amazing. That is the dream and the actual reason for team sports. Yep. I fucking love to see that.

That's so cool. Oh, and look how proud she looks at the end. Yeah. Oh, and you can kind of see on her face, she's like, I know I didn't win, but I took one for the team here. Got two points for Belgium. We're still alive. Oh, how lovely. That is lovely.

Oh, that's so, oh, you fucking love to see that. That's awesome. Tomorrow on the show, just got another one to add to the category of, I'll call the category, old people just don't get it, eh? Oh, I had one only recently. Really?

Which, yeah. Oh, the trams? Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting ready to get fired up again. Yep, all right. Well, that's tomorrow. We'll chat to you then.

Love you. Bye.