Toni and Ryan - Santa comes once a year 😏

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Things you can say to Santa and in the bedroom, Ryan has another round of 'who's the jerk?' and I have a nipple update. Love ya! T x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Oh, hello. The duck is here. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. All right. Ali, we need to confess.

We're doing good, but we couldn't call China for some reason through the phone system. We think it's because it's a private number. So we're... Oh, is that why it is? I think so, yeah. So we're calling from my mobile, holding the phone at the microphone. Oh, is that why it is? I think so, yeah. So we're calling from my mobile, holding the phone at the microphone. Oh, no.

And I got really stressed that it was going to cost a fortune and then Ryan said, mate, I've got all the money in the world, don't worry about it. That's not what I said. That's not what I said. I believe it. Yeah, me too, Ali. Thank you.

Excuse me? Ali, I guess what I want to know and a lot of other people, because you've been one of the OG original commenters, is how does someone like yourself end up living and working, doing whatever it is you're doing in China? All right. So actually I used to live in Australia. It was like my dream country.

I'm from America. Oh. Yeah. No, I lived in Australia for like a few years. I lived in Sydney. And it was like, I got kicked out. You guys kicked me out. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Well, I mean, it wasn't us, but yeah. Sorry. Well, you know, it's hard to get a visa there. So I stayed on for as long as I could bartending in Sydney. And then I ended up going to South Korea and then Hong Kong and then China teaching, which is not even my degree. And, yeah, that's how I ended up here. I ended up on an island.

What an amazing life. Yeah. So I've got a sea view apartment just chilling on the island. Ooh. And I'm the one paying for this phone call. I see. Right. Very nice. Yeah. And I'm the one paying for this phone call. I see. Right. Very nice.

Yeah. I mean, it's cheap. What are you guys coming here? Tony, do you want to go to a remote island in China? Yeah, if Ali's paying for it, I don't have a problem. Yeah. I'll go anywhere. Well, so now that you've approved that we're going to be best friends and Ryan and I

are going to come to China, would you mind approving this podcast so that we can get started today? Absolutely. I freaking approve this podcast. Also, Ryan, you're half of the inspiration for me going on my little adoption journey as well and finding my birth mother and birth brother. Oh, what happened? Thank you so much. Is that why you've been traveling the world? No. I didn't start looking for them until a couple of years ago,

but I saw you on Facebook. That's how I found out about you guys. I saw you on Facebook, and I followed, and then I was like, you know what? It's about time that I started the journey, and that took about two years. And then last October October I found them. They were a lot of inspiration and I remember just being like, okay, I can do this. And I did and it worked out really well.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that. And Tony's crying in the corner of the room now. Are you all right, Tony? Yeah, it's just really lovely that you're such an inspiration to people, like finding their families. It's very special, mate. You should be very proud of yourself and you, Ali, as well for taking that chance.

I can't imagine it's like an easy emotional journey to go down, you know, looking for family. And, yeah, I can only imagine how hard that was for both of you. Like that's incredible. Well, I feel like a lot of people just sort of want, maybe not answers a bit strong, but just want a bit of closure and to figure out what happened because I guess the living day-to-day just not really knowing your story so even I've sort of said and spoken with people that even if it's not the perfect ending it's just an ending enclosure nonetheless so you

can just sort of tie up that chapter so to speak does that sound not to put words in your mouth does that sound about right it is it is and when i was adopted my mom my parents taught me like growing up oh your birth mother loved you so much it was never anything about like hate or i wasn't good enough and i came kind of like with a note and she wanted me to have like a better education and two parents and so that's what i had i went to college to travel the world. And, you know, my parents are still happily married. And I kind of wanted to let her know this. And so I was able to. Oh, that's nice. That's the same as me. I just always wanted to be like, oh, thanks, by the way. I'm guessing it was hard. So I just wanted to say thanks for exactly the same story. Having two parents growing up and, you know, having opportunities. So I'm very stoked that you got that opportunity. Thanks.

I'm glad you were too. I know you guys need to move on. Get on with your day. Happy Saturday. Thank you. Well, Ali, it was so great to chat because, like Ryan said before, you're an OG. You've been around since the very beginning,

and it's been such a pleasure to chat, and hopefully we get to chat again soon. Absolutely. It was a pleasure to make you even know you're two. Yeah. Thank you, I think. All right. Thanks, Ali. Chat soon. Absolutely. It was a pleasure to make you even know you're two. Yeah. Thank you. I think. All right.

Thanks. Thanks, Ali. Chat soon. Bye. Bye. Hey, guys. This is Ali and I am crew

this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hi. My name is Ryan. I'm the vice captain of this ship, Tony Lodge. I work in the galley. I throw the rubbish out. Lots of important tasks. Yeah.

Lots of important tasks. Tony and I, we're friends, right? Friends. Best friends or just friends? Friends. We're mates. Sure. Buds. We're not married. Not married. Just friends. Just friends. Yeah. Coming up in this episode. You did say that you loved me via text message yesterday though. And you made a really big deal about that. Yeah, I was going to post on my Instagram story and then I thought that's too weird. Did you just bring it up on the pod instead? Yeah. Sure. Well, less people

listen to this and see my Instagram story, mate. Keep up. Just kidding. Actually, very opposite. Thank you. Didn't you say it to me and then I replied? I felt like you were fishing for it because you were like love you and I was like, oh, I guess I have to say it back.

Oh, no. Check the tape. No, that is what happened. I said it first, but I wasn't fishing for that. Well, that's what you got. I wasn't fishing for that. Well, that's what you got. I wasn't fishing for it. I just put a line in and got a prize cod. Yeah.

Anyway, considering how in love we are, we actually had a lover's tiff. We did. And I reckon people are going to be on my side. I think people will think you care too much. But that's the thing. How is that even possible? It is. I just care so much for you. I just want to you care too much. But that's the thing. How is that even possible? It is. I just care so much for you.

I just want to take care of you. And people will be like, oh, fucking righto. Don't worry about it then. All right, first of all, Christmas is just around the corner. Just around the river bend. Santa will be coming down the chimney in a few weeks. And we thought because he's going to be arriving in our house. Nice choice of words, yep.

We thought we'd do things you can say to Santa. And also in the bedroom. You want to go first? Yep. You need some milk for those cookies. Oh, shit. Breastfeeding. Oh, got a tingle.

Oh, thank you. Tony, where would you like me to empty my sack? Any preference? Is it okay if... What about on me jingle bells? A girlfriend of mine told me you're married. Is Santa married? I'm Mrs Claus.

Mrs Claus, you fuckwit. Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. This is like a classic old Christmas joke. Yeah, okay. Want to know why my sack is so heavy?

Why? Because I only cum once a year. Well, then I'll make tonight special seeing as you only cum once a year. Oh, don't. What? No. This is a podcast. You don't need to wink and lick your lips when you do it.

Okay, sorry. I'm feeling very... Don't wink. What when you do it. Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm feeling very... Don't lick it. What are you doing tonight? Nothing. I thought I might sneak around after dark and come down your chimney. Come in my chimney. Show me your North Pole.

It's the North when you're around. Is there a South Pole? Is that where evil Santa lives? No, that's called Antarctica. Oh, penguins. Yes. Yeah, same, different thing. Non-denominational.

Hey, you know you can come in the front door, right? Oh! He doesn't. No. Just knock on the front door and come in. Stop breaking through the back. I'm pummeling down my chimney. Tony Lodge.

I love that little hook in your candy cane. Penis. Yeah. It's a very girthy graphic thing I just pictured in my mind. You're welcome. Red and stripy. Hey, Santa. I heard you like to eat the cookie.

And he does. Not for you? This is for kids. Santa's for kids. You didn't realise that before we decided to do this this week? Have you got something for me in that sack? It's all for you. This one's more of a sing and dance.

Should I really go for it? Yeah, go for it. Karaoke night vibes. Okay. I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch my elf. Sorry, I'll see myself out. It's the Tony and Tony show from here on out. Poor Alf.

He's the forgotten one in that bad joke. He was like, cool rhyming words, bro, but seriously, don't touch me. I mean, your singing was pretty special. Luckily, that's only coming once a year. Well, we're not all classically trained performers. It's true, we aren't all that big. Excuse me, leave the not being able to trained performers. It's true. We aren't all that.

Excuse me. Leave the not being able to talk up to me. Thank you. Oh, I love a man in uniform. That's sexy. I'm going to call you my stocking because I'm planning on stuffing you tonight. Oh, okay. Put me above the fireplace. Put a fork in me.

I'm done. You can slay me. Can I call you my slay? Why? Because I'm going to be riding you all night. So do you only work one day a year? Yeah. That's actually it.

That's not a very good one. That's a great fact, though. I mean, it's a great job. Santa facts. Does he? Sorry, my milk's a bit warm. Body temperature. I can tell from your facial hair that you love it when things sit on your face for ages.

How do you know that from my facial hair? Because it's been sitting on your face for ages. Oh. And Santa's got a big beard, so it's like he's obviously had it for ages. Fuck. You fucked my joke. That's not fair. What does you and my beard have in common?

Nothing. You both like sitting on my face. No, nothing. Fuck you. Fuck my joke. I hate it. That's embarrassing for us. Hey, Rudolph's nose isn't the only thing that's going

to end up red tonight. No, because it ate jam on toast. I was so proud of the beard one. Say it again. I can tell from your facial hair that you love it when things sit on your face for ages. How have you fucked my joke twice now? I still don't get it.

What do you mean? So he's got a big beard and he's had it forever. He's always had a beard. So I can tell from your facial hair that you love it when things sit on your face for ages. Your beard's sitting on your face. I'll sit on your face. I can sit on it all year.

I actually think it's funnier, you saying this not as a joke, but just in pure anger. I'm angry. I can tell. I'm going home. You know how a few weeks ago we did Who's the Jerk? And I was parking in someone else's spot. Yes.

They didn't even have a car. And you were very clearly the jerk in the situation. Well, a lot of people agree with me. No, they didn't. They did. There was lots of people who will remain nameless. For their privacy. Who's the jerk in this situation?

Okay. I went to a supermarket that wasn't my regular supermarket. Yep. And you know how you're like, you don't know where anything is, it's all over the place. Surely. Okay. How has no one at Coles head office sat down and gone,

let's put everything in the same fucking order in every fucking Coles? Because it'd be too smart. I'm so angry. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry. You're going to be on my side. Yeah, I will be because I just think that's so fucking stupid.

No, actually, here's one for you because I know you don't like to disturb people or don't like to cause a fuss. I don't. If you can't find something. Yep, Google it. Google it? Yep. Would you not go and ask a person in the store?

They have those little laminated sheets that say what aisle everything's in. Really? Yep. I wouldn't talk to someone. I don't want to bother them. That's literally their job. I'd rather just figure it out. On the Coles Online website, so I've done this a few times.

But everywhere's different. On the Coles Online website, it normally says what section it's in. Right. And normally it's easy to find what section it's different. On the Coles Online website, it normally says what section it's in. Right. And normally it's easy to find what section it's in. So I walk into a Coles that's not my Coles. Quiz me. I'll be able to tell you what section it's in. I know what section it is.

I was looking for milk. It's in the milk and dairy section. Oh, yeah, okay. It's in the fridge. Exactly. And I just didn't know where the fridges were. Okay. So this other girl has got like her arm wrapped around

and she's got like two bottles of milk under one arm and like. You took her milk? No. Oh. Who's the jerk? Definitely you. You just like pulled it out of her. You've stolen from an old lady.

Thank you. Oh, you've got two. I'll just grab one. She's got two bottles of milk under her arm. Yeah. And so I said, oh, excuse me, where's the milk? Because she obviously knows she's just been there. Yeah.

And she says, oh, I don't work here. What a bitch. What a bitch. I'm like, I didn't ask if you worked here. I asked where the milk is. You're holding milk. You clearly know what it is. You don't need to work here to be able to answer that question.

What a bitch. So if she didn't have milk in her hands and I said, hey, do you know where the milk is? Like she might have not been angry but she could have just gone, oh, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't work here, I don't know. And that would have been the fact she was holding milk,

she's a bitch, right? Yeah. Okay, so here's. I don't like that. That's just, I don't like people that are just rude and that's rude. Now, I'd been listening to some rap music and I'd watch Suits. You know how Suits has some real snappy dialogue? Yeah.

So I was in a bit of a mood. Oh. That's you. You do get angry easily. Oh, see, there it is. Excuse me. Yeah. So you're angry right now.

So she says, oh, sorry, I don't work here. Yeah. And I said. What did you say back? Oh, sorry, I was't work here. Yeah. And I said. What did you say back? Oh, sorry, I was asking where the milk was, not for your LinkedIn profile. You did not say that.

Did you actually say that? No, you fucking didn't say. You wouldn't say something that rude. You thought about that in the shower afterwards. Yes. I was in the car. I was in the car. I got back to the car after finally finding the milk.

Because I just went, I just went, oh, okay. Because you would be thrown off by that. Absolutely. Yeah. And then I got back to the car and I was like, do you know what I should have said? I should have said, I asked for your milk, not your LinkedIn profile. But what I actually said was, Don't speak English, sorry.

I don't go here. No, I don't work here either. Do you need a job? I've got one. Hey, this is Ellie and Hi Not China and you're listening to Tony and Ryan podcast, normal or nah is back, and it's basically where you get to say something you do. If you're maybe intrigued to know if what you do is normal

or maybe your family is just a bunch of freaks and they taught you this thing that no one else does and tomorrow involves something that this lady does in the bathroom. Yeah. So if you want to find out if what you do in the bathroom is normal or nah. Make sure you're listening. That's tomorrow. And a big thank you to Chris Morris, Ika, Gabriel Taylor,

Holly Denham and Kevin Williams. Thank you so much to our champion tapas on our Patreon. You can check it out, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. We've got, like, exclusive episodes that we pop up every month. And if you join now, you get to look at all the stuff we've done in the past as well. Yep, absolutely. So you get all the existing content that's on there.

You also get to vote on the movies that we watch each week. And this week was The Grinch. Tony's favourite for Christmas. It is. It is a great Christmas movie. I love it very, very much. So if you haven't watched it yet, great opportunity to make sure you watch it this week so that you can join in the discussion on Thursday. And for every one Patreon we have at the end of this month, we are going to run two metres. Yes. So I reckon we're looking at about running 2k. Yeah. I think at the moment it's

about 900 people. Yeah. How are you feeling about that? I feel great. Yeah, I think at the moment it's about 900 people. How are you feeling about that? I feel great. Best shape I've ever been. Feeling really confident. Me too, yeah. Best shape I've ever been. Actually, I wish I was in less good shape.

Do you? No. Yeah, neither. You can't get much worse than this. I feel like the world will never be the same again in terms of when you're feeling sick. Yeah. I feel like a few years ago, oh, you're sick. Oh, he's tough.

He'll just push through and work. Well, you've got to come to work anyway. You've got to come to work, figure it out, blah, blah. Never again will anyone who lived through the pandemic feel that feeling because now it's like, oh, play it safe. Don't come and infect us. Stay home. Take care of yourself. It's totally fine. Yeah. safe, don't come and infect us. Stay home. Stay home, take care of yourself.

It's totally fine. Yeah. And so within the Tony and Ryan team, there was a scare this week. There was. What happened, Tony Lodge? I fell quite ill all of a sudden on probably Tuesday last week and you called me to, like, talk shit about something. Like, we were just shooting the shit and you were like,

hey, you all right? And I was like, I'm really crook. I've fallen asleep today like five times. As soon as you answered the phone, I was like. Something's wrong. What's wrong? And with the new Omicron. Yeah.

Everyone's like, oh, you're just really tired. You're down. You're lethargic. And hearing you, I was like. Yeah. And all of the symptoms that I had led to the Omicron variant of COVID. So, of course, and my partner Torbs wasn't feeling very well either. So we were like, we're just going to go to get tested straight away just to make sure.

And when I was on the phone to you, you said, what are you up to? And I was like, I'm working from home, so it's fine. And I'd already told my boss that I wasn't feeling too flash and she said, take the afternoon off, have a nap, whatever, then go and get tested this afternoon. Go do whatever you need to do. So I said to you, I'm going to go and get tested tonight. And you said, well, are you going to the doctor?

Yeah. And I was like, well, I'll get tested and then figure it out. And you're like, well, what if you get tested and it's negative? I was like, well, then I'll be negative and I won't have to worry about it. But you're still sick. You've fallen asleep at your computer multiple times in a day. Even if you don't have COVID, something is still wrong with you. I want the healthy, bubbly, beautiful Tony Lodge to come back into our world.

I want to take care of you. I think if you find out it's not COVID, great news, but also then what is it? We need to find out. So I said, hey, have you booked in to see the doctor? And I said no. Now, a few weeks ago, and we'll get to this, you had a nipple issue, a nip issue.

And I didn't realise it was such a big issue, got a lot of feedback, re the nipple. And you've got a doctor that you're like, I'm booked in. Yeah. He's pretty booked up. I'll be in in two weeks. Yeah. So it's next week now.

Next week now. Yeah. So I said to you, hey, if you don't have COVID, which? I don't. You don't? Negative. Congratulations. Yeah, thank you so much.

I was like, great. Do you want to go to the doctor just to find out what it is? And you go, oh, well, I've got that appointment in a few weeks' time. Yeah. I'll ask him then. Ryan. You're sick now. Ryan. You're not sick in a few weeks. You could be dead him then. Ryan. You're sick now. Ryan.

You're not sick in a few weeks. You could be dead by then. Flipped out and, like, you reacted in a way that I did not expect, to be honest. Is flipped out accurate? Oh, like, not flipped out at me but flipped out about being worried. You were just like, mate, like, you've got to go and make sure that everything's okay.

You've got to go get checked out. I was like, bro, I'm already going to the doctor next week. I'll chat to him then. If you broke your leg, would you go, oh, I'll go to hospital. My leg's hanging off. Oh, actually, I've got a bit of spare time in February. Maybe I'll just go down and check it out now. That's actually probably what I would do.

I'd be like, you know what? It's just a bit of a bung leg. I'll figure it out next week. Because maybe, or here's, what if it was something else that whatever that was was contagious? And here you were just breathing on torbs, breathing on me in this airtight studio, going over to Coles and breathing on people while you're getting yelled at

for not knowing where the milk is. Milk is, yeah. Did any of this cross your mind? Or are you just like, no, I'll wait? Well, as soon as I knew I didn't have COVID, I was like, cool, I just have to deal with this personally. It's not going to affect anybody else. What about your person?

What if you died in between now and next week? Well, I just didn't think that that was likely. But anyway, so I was just really, really lethargic for like a day and then I felt a bit better. I got a lot of sleep and I think I'm just a bit exhausted because coming up to the end of the year, I know that like a week break's coming. I think I'm just like, yeah, a bit worn down.

I'm fine anyway, but I was very, very touched that you were so worried about me and we had something planned this week and you went, mate, I'll push that off. I got it sorted. Like don't worry about anything. You take care of yourself. We barely even talked this week because you were like, mate,

just rest up. Like you're all good. Let me know if we need to change the time on Saturday when we record our podcast, like everything. It was very, very supportive and I really appreciated it. Did I also offer anything else? Oh, you said that if we were isolating that you would drop off groceries and everything.

Nice work. Oh, did I say anything else? You wanted me to spruik how good a friend you are? Absolutely. Because I am a great friend. Yep, you said I can drop off groceries if you guys have to isolate before you get your results back from your COVID test, et cetera. Well, just let it be known that everyone here at Tony and Ryan Enterprises, which currently has a team of two, you and I,

we are pro taking care of yourself. We are. Yeah, we are. So you take care of yourself. We are. Yeah, we are. So you take care of yourself. Thank you. But I do have a nipple update. Please. I know everyone's been so concerned about your nips.

For anybody that hasn't been following along, a few weeks ago I mentioned on the podcast very candidly, did not realise it was a big deal, that I had like a cracked nipple and that it was really itchy, really sore, really, really flaky. And you were basically asking some mums who might have a trick or a tip about how to uncrack the nip. Yeah, because I thought maybe that's what happens when you breastfeed so it's a bit, you know, maybe there's a great cream that you can use.

I said this not knowing that that is actually a symptom of Paget's disease, which is breast cancer. So I got hundreds, hundreds of messages of people saying. I got messages going, Tony didn't respond to me. Can you tell her to do this, this, this, this and this? And then last week I said, I'm getting a lot of messages of people saying that I've potentially got cancer. I really need you to stop sending those.

I know that you're doing it with the best intentions. But I'm freaking the fuck out. But I'm potentially got cancer. I really need you to stop sending those. I know that you're doing it with the best intentions. But I'm freaking the fuck out. But I'm really freaking out. Can't see my doctor till next week. We're going to have a chat to your doctor. He's the third. He's fucking busy, mate. He's fucking busy.

Oh, we all are. Oh, it's Christmas time. Can't see my doctor till next week. Please stop telling me that this might be wrong because you all and I freak out. Oh, now I feel bad about what we were just talking about because I feel like I've added to the freak out. No, no, no, it's fine. When I said you'll probably die if you don't go to the doctor today, that's strong language for me.

I'm sorry about that, mate. I apologise. Thank you. We all need to be better. Meant it, but I'm sorry that I said it. Great. So I'm getting all these messages. A friend of mine had that last week.

She's dead now. You know, like I'm getting all these messages. A friend of mine had that last week. She's dead now. I'm getting fucking crazy messages. Anyway, I kept getting the messages, and I was just fucking in my head, swirling every day. I'm pulling my nipple out and looking at it. I'm saying to Torb, like, oh, my God, we should write a will. I'm pretty sure. I'm fucking panicking.

Anyway, I'd had it up to fucking here. I can tell. And for anybody that can't see me, which is everyone, because this is a podcast. Anyway, I'd had it up to fucking here. I can tell. And for anybody that can't see me, which is everyone, because this is a podcast. Her hand is at the top of her head. It's high. She's ready. She's done.

And right at the right time, I get this message from someone called Kelly on Instagram. Oh, g'day, Kelly. And she goes, hey, hey, doll. I've seen you talking about your nipple. I heard you talking about your nipple. I've heard that a lot of people have said X, Y, Z. I actually had the same, went to the doctor,

and they said it's Paget's disease, which is the cancer. And I'm like, fucking hell, babe. Like, I can't deal with this. I don't want to hear this. Getting diagnosed from people on the internet, zero out of ten. It's not it. Do not recommend. It's actually worse than Googling your own symptoms.

I didn't know that there was a worse version of that and it's this. And I know that everyone, again, please don't get me wrong, I know that everyone had really good intentions but it was just freaking me out. I think the volume of messages. Yeah. Anyway, so this message from Kelly, she goes, and my doctor said I had Paget's disease.

I read on. Yep. He prescribed me a steroid cream. Now let me know if this is okay. He prescribed me a steroid cream. Now let me know if this is okay. He prescribed me a steroid cream and it cleared it right up. Turns out that it was just like an infection or whatever. And the steroid cream thankfully cleared it right up and I'm all good now. Great to hear Kelly. Yeah. And I messaged her back and said, Kelly, I've got a steroid cream at home for like something else that I've been prescribed a steroid cream for.

What's going on? What do you mean? Continue. I am at the end of my fucking tether. I get this message from Kelly, who fucking does God knows what for a job, and I go, I've got steroid cream for something else. What do you reckon, doll? And she goes, fuck, it can't make it worse.

Oh, but can it? Could it? I mean, what does Kelly know? She's an accountant slash stripper for all we worse. Oh, but can it? Could it? I mean, what does Callie know? She's an accountant slash stripper for all we know. Who knows what she does. But are you at the stage where you're like, I'm sort of desperate for a conclusion? I'm at the end of my fucking tether.

I'm getting told I'm up to fucking pussy's bow and I just cannot fucking deal with this. So to the point of I'm fucking doing it? I'm just doing it. So I spoke to Torbs because he's a chemist. I mean, if you think, he's lots of things. If you can think of synthesizers, surely you'll know about fungal cranes.

No, he's a chemist. What do you mean he's a chemist? He's a software engineer. No, but he studied chemistry. He's a chemist. I thought you met at uni when you were studying audio. Yeah, so he's, Torbs is older than me. How many lives does this guy have?

I know. So he was a chemist before he started. He's so smart. Anyway, so I said, can I use this? And he said, what does the end of the, you know how everything is like predictorone or predictorstone or whatever. The stone or the own or the rone means something different. And he said, what thing is at the end of the steroid cream you've got?

And I said, it's a clone, fucking whatever. And he goes, what thing is at the end of the steroid cream you've got? And I said, it's a clone, fucking whatever. And he goes, that'll be fine. Like it's not going to do any harm. He goes, it's not going to fuck your titty up. Do we need a drone for this? No. So I put it on my boob, been applying it twice a day. Yep.

It's better. We did need a drone. Kelly's a fucking doctor. Is she actually a doctor? Do you want to see my boob? Do I want to see your boob? I mean it looks really normal now Don't I keep it in?

Okay That's fair This is exciting though Anyway So I've at least got some relief Because now it's not itchy and cracking But I still have my doctor's appointment Still going to get them to have a look over it

But just for everybody that wants to know Oh god I'll probably get a message now. Oh, I used that steroid cream and then I got cancer once. So you're saying that after thousands of people message you and you're like, oh, my God, the worst thing in the world you can do is take advice, not strangers because, you know, you know each other. They're messaging with good intentions. Yeah.

But they haven't seen the scabbing or the whatever's going on, the dryness. They haven't inspected. They don't whatever's going on, the dryness. They haven't inspected. They don't know anything about what they're talking about. And after you having it up to here. Here. One person said, try this, and you went, okay. It just happened to be the message that, like,

the straw that broke the camel's back. I was like, I've got to fucking do something about it. And it was like, it was really itchy. It was really annoying. It wasn't sore, but it was really like getting stuck on all my shirts and my bras and stuff. Like it was just a lot. And now is it fine?

And now it's like so much better. See, this is the issue. You know who's the real villain in this story? Who? It's your doctor's and his calendar. Oh, yeah. Because here's what's going to happen. You're going to rock up and he goes, oh, how can I help you?

And you go, cool. So three months ago I had a dry nip, but then this other girl on the internet said, use this thing. So I did it. Also, I almost died of COVID. Then I just slept for five days. Could have been in a coma. Who's to say? But you weren't available. How can I help you today? Oh, I'm actually fine now. I've lived without you. And he's like, cool, that's $85. Doctors do have it pretty good, don't yeah they do but thanks dr kelly from instagram is she actually a doctor no she's definitely not a fucking doctor she goes if this doesn't work and you die am i like responsible you are and i was like no doll i'll delete the messages well you won't because you'll be dead yeah well she doesn't know that yeah but then they'll look through and

go what was the last message tony sent and they'll find out it's old, mate, and she'll be up in the air. Me being like, should I use this cream? She's like, yeah, definitely. And then she died. Far out. Hey, things you'll love to see, and you probably saw this, this is a viral story. This Russian football team called Zenit,

when they walked out onto the field, they all took a shelter puppy, a little dog from the animal shelter. They all walked out with a different dog to raise awareness for the local animal shelter in Russia and to say, these guys need a home. So when they walked out and, you know, the national anthem plays or whatever, they're all holding their little puppy. Oh, and hot boys holding dogs.

Like, what else is there? Not a lot. Not a lot. We'll get it done more than that. I mean, I was ready to go. My You Love To See It today is a sign that's gone viral on Twitter of an Australian pub. Yeah.

And it says, push to open. If that does not work, pull. If both don't work, try the actual entrance around the corner. That's so good. Australian humour, isn't it? What pub was it? I don't fucking know. Oh, the Around the Back Hotel.

I'm not a fucking trip advisor. Sorry. Tony Lodge, trip advisor. You can see how you get confused, yeah. As we said, tomorrow on the show, normal or nah, and when you hear what this lady who listens to our podcast does in the bathroom. Not what her husband does in the bathroom.

It's not good. Yeah. Everybody's going to have an opinion on this. I guarantee. Guarantee. All right. That's the Tony Lodge guarantee. You could be one of those salespeople.

Thank you. Do you want to buy a car? It's really good. Sold. You sold me. All right.people. Oh, thank you. Do you want to buy a car? It's really good. Sold. You sold me. All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow.