Toni and Ryan - Say No To Airport Pick Ups

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

Ryan gets sassy about something that I THINK IS FINE!!! Love ya xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hello. Good morning. Good evening. This is Dr. Well, with the thing with podcasts. You can listen whenever, wherever, wherever, wherever. Shakira.

Do you know what podcast stands for? No, it doesn't. Remember? It was debunked. Playable. Playable on demand. Playable on demand. Play on demand cast.

But it's not true. We're calling Beth, who is in the UK. Ooh, UK, hun. I'm okay. Hello? Hello, Beth. How are you doing? Hi.

Hey, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Not too bad, thanks. And you? Yeah, we're well. And, I mean, now we're doing even better. Oh, brilliant, thanks. And you? Yeah, we're well. And, I mean, now we're doing even better. Oh, brilliant, thanks. Beth, will you approve this episode?

Absolutely, as long as you don't lose this one. Yeah. Okay, Beth, a little bit editorial from Beth. What happened? So we've actually spoken to Beth before. Yeah. Did you make an equally as awesome joke? Probably. I think I might have said simply the Beth'd that time spoken to Beth before. Yeah. Did you make an equally as awesome joke? Probably.

I think I might have said simply the Beth'd that time. Oh, okay. Yeah, and it unfortunately was lost in the shuffle of me not doing it anymore and it being past a cam. It was my fault, the Audio Queen's fault. So I'm now the Audio Pauper. And thanks for fucking throwing me under the bus, Beth. I really appreciate that.

I do appreciate that, Beth. Because before I pressed call on my phone here. I said, is that Beth? Cam and Tony, like, gave each other a look and I said, what's going on? And they both went, nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing happened. Wow. I hope we're recording this one.

Could you imagine? Hi, it's Beth from Devon in the UK, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today on the video show, which you can also watch on the Spotify app, we're on your smart TV. I've got something to say. Always. About family members who want to get picked up from the airport. Have ya?

And spoiler alert, what I'm going to say is get fucked. Oh, okay. Not really a spoiler then. We'll get to that. Wait, it is a spoiler. Yeah. Yeah, because you spoiled it. Yeah. Yeah, because you spoiled it. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Sorry. It's early. It's early in the day. It's been a long week. TGIF, am I right? I've never said that in my life. Can you say that with a bit less enthusiasm?

I actually don't think that's possible. I like that you were about to try it. I was. I'm so excited for the possible. I like that you were about to try it. I was. I'm so excited for the weekend. I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm actually going to see Oppenheimer tomorrow night. Ooh. Yeah.

The NIMAX? Yes. Yes. 70 mil. Cam booked it for you? I'm going to some fancy version, bought tickets for Torbs. He's happy about it. Yeah, he'll be stoked.

But anyway. Hypothetically. Oh, here we go. All great stories start with hypothetically. If you were the type of person who liked using, like, sex toys with a partner. Sure. Hypothetically.

Hypothetically. How long into the relationship like how many times did you have met and hooked up before you might like suggest that that might be something you like i feel like in the perfect world we're all open about what we want and everyone's understanding sure but like the reality is is that some people might be a bit judgy so you might be a bit reluctant to ask and then if you're asking and they say no, then is it weird? So, like, you know what I mean? Like how do you bring that up?

Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Because I'm dating again. Do you reckon it depends on, like, where you've met them? Absolutely. Because if you met, like. At church. Yeah.

Right away. Yeah. Nail me down. that was the joke yeah um or like if you met on like a fucking forum yeah where like you know very sex positive space like all of that dot com slash sex toys yeah you know then like you're probably all in sorry for saying all in thank you but i i think that yeah if you just met someone and you especially like you know, then, like, you're probably all in. Sorry for saying all in. Thank you for apologising. But I think that, yeah, if you just met someone and you, especially, like, you know how, like, I don't know what the stat is. I'm going to make one up right now, which is probably very off, but, like, 60% of people fucking, like, meet at, like, uni or work

or whatever and, like, you don't know that person from a bar or so. No. So, like, you don't know how, you know, into whatever you're into they're going to be. You, Tony Lodge, saying I don't know them like a bar of soap is fucking triggering. Yeah, sorry about that. So, yeah, I don't really know you.

He's been my arsehole. But I don't really know him. You barely know the guy. Yeah. I asked Kayla if she'd like a fake name and she said, fuck no, I'm strangely proud of this one. Oh, well, Kayla, fucking welcome to our sex positive podcast. What have you got for us?

Yeah, well, she's been listening for a while, but she's finally sent this one through. Oh, see, that's good. It's been brewing for a while. I wouldn't say brewing either. Oh, okay. Okay. Actually, I'm just going to need to take a deep breath, I think. Yeah.

Within hours of matching with this guy on Tinder, he was at my house and we were hooking up. Yeah. Within hours of matching with this guy on Tinder, he was at my house and we were hooking up. Hot. It was hot. We vibe really well. Mr. Tinderella was perfect. Mr. Tinderella. Even though we just met, I felt super comfortable with him,

so I asked if I could grab some toys from my bedside table. Do you reckon, like, if you were just doing a hookup, it's kind of like low stakes? Cards on the table? Yeah, so maybe you do just go, you know what, we both just want to come, let's do what we want to do. Whereas, like, when you're meeting and courting someone, you don't want to, like, I don't know.

Scare off your future husband. Scare them off or say the wrong thing and they go, oh, I'm not really ready for that or whatever. But, like, for a hookup, are you just going, look, cards on the table, I'd love it if you shoved this up my ass. I'm here to jizz. You know what I mean? What's going to help me get there?

Like, we've both come for a reason and that is to come for a reason. Yeah. But, you know, so maybe for a hookup you've met Mr. Tinderella and you go, look, I've got to put this on my clit, otherwise it's not going to happen. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean. Like, and fucking power too, yeah. But he leaves feeling better for himself if you got off. See, that's what I reckon. You know when you read these stories about, like, people intimidated by using sex toys in the bedroom because they go, no, well, I should be able to get you off.

Yeah, you fucking should. Like, that is the whole thing. Yeah, but I can't, so I fucking whip it out. Yeah, but, like, the whole idea is that, like, sex should be fun and everyone should be able to have a great time. Yeah, I'm all for it. I asked if I could grab some toys from my bedside table and before I could even blink, Mr Tinderella had a toy in my arse.

Oh, read her mind. Yeah. He's like, I thought that was a bar of soap. Sorry. When he went to talk, all of his charisma was gone and suddenly he was a nervous wreck. Oh. Oh, I lost it, Mr Tinderella said.

So the toy was in her arms. He had lost the toy in my backside and neither of us could retrieve it. Oh. Kayla says, I was like a Kinder Surprise with a fun toy inside me. More like Tinder Surprise. I called my friend and said, what do I do? Can you come around and help? Well, who do you call for something like that?

Not Ghostbusters. My friend was of no use because she couldn't stop pissing herself laughing, which, to be fair, is the perfect response you want from a friend. That's the friend that you want to, yeah, definitely. Mr. Tinderella and I decided we needed to get professional help, so it was just after midnight we went to the hospital. And they've seen it all before. They've seen it all.

You know, like when you go in there and you go, yuck, something slipped over and this thing went up my ass, they go, okay, like we don't care. The nurses and doctors were really kind and really understanding. They would be. One doctor was trying to make a bit of small talk and said, oh, medical comedy, the gym of medical comedy. Oh, no, no, no.

It was all just like, oh, we're waiting for the fucking probe to come in. I don't know what material that would need. The probe! It's a huge magnet. Was it magnetic? Because if so, we'll be able to just suck that right need. The brain! It's a huge magnet. Was it magnetic? Because if so, we'll be able to just suck that right out. Suck it out! My doctor was trying to make small talk and goes,

oh, so how long have you guys known each other? And Mr. Tinderella goes, about five hours. Oh. What a nice person to go with her to the hospital. What a gentleman. He's like, yep, I will come around to your house. Yep, I will put this thing in your butt. Yep, I will drive you to the hospital.

And then literally. And I'll sit with you and I'll hold your hand. And he's holding the paperwork and he goes, what's your last name? What's your first name? Like, you know what I mean? Like, fuck, what are you? Yeah. Do you have a Medicare card?

Yeah, you said you were a bit younger on the... Yeah. Oh, 95. Yeah. 1986, 23. Yeah. After unsuccessfully trying to retrieve it manually, the doctors said they were going to have to remove it surgically,

like actually put her under so they could get in there and take it out. But before they did, they would have to find out an exact location by using an X-ray. Between the X-ray and the surgery, for some reason, I submitted the picture of the X-ray into a Facebook group. I then went under anesthetic, went into surgery, and was unconscious when the post got approved into the group.

Kayla says, I live in a really small town. What group did you put it in? It must have been like a local like. Buy nothing. Or like a local Lulz or a fucking whatever. I live in a small town, and by the time I woke up, my phone had a thousand messages and everyone in town had seen pics of my arsehole and x-rays of my insides, including my dad.

He said he got to work the next morning and all the boys were like, oh, check out this. And dad was like, what are you guys looking at? And then he's like, I know who that is. That's my daughter. Well, and because, like, it would say, oh, posted by Kayla Smith. Yep. And the boys, like, didn't know it was the daughter.

They were just like, oh, some girl in town. So anyways, Tony and Ryan, if you've never seen an X-ray of a sex toy stuck in an asshole, please open this attachment. No. I actually genuinely did not see that coming. No pun intended. Oh, my God. I can't look at this.

I don't think. It's really in there, isn't it? And it's just, even though it's exactly what you expect, even though it's exactly what you expect, it's also not what you expect. It's like I can tell you exactly what you're about to see and you'll still be shocked. Is Franko able to put that like on the screen at the moment?

On the screen, yeah. So if you're watching the video show, you'll be seeing that right now. Daddy, I can't deal with that. That's right in there. Yeah. Yep. And you can see now how he would have been holding the bottom of it. Yeah, well, because they're flared so that doesn't go in.

Wow. Not flared enough. Not flared enough. Kayla. Thank you for sharing that. That is fucking, I love the little day I won't forget, like on the bottom. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you can't now. Yeah, fuck. That is so funny. You would be so embarrassed. Like, no need to be embarrassed, but you would just want to fucking crawl in a hole and die. Yeah.

So just like the plug did. Crawl in a hole and die. Yeah. So just like the plug did. Kayla said that it's still like. In there? No. No, like it'll still like come up at time to time.

Like in conversation, not like come up. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I mean, I've got a question. Sure. Question. Sex toys are expensive. Yeah.

Do you reckon they took it out and then like let her keep it? Like give it a rinse. But. Sex toys are expensive. Do you reckon they took it out and then let her keep it? Like give it a rinse. I will message Kayla and I will put an answer in the episode thread in our Facebook group. I need to know whether they're expensive. I mean, what are they going to do with it? Put it in like a plastic bag in medical waste? Or do you think that'll let the doctors have like a trophy room?

All the things that they've pulled out of people. We've got a hose. We've got a rodent. Oh, we've got little, was it gibbles? What was the nibbles? Oh, nibbles. The giblet. Or like even like, you know,

when little kids like put money and Lego up their noses, he's got like a big piggy bank full of money that like kids have eaten and stuff. The extracting doctor's hall of fame. There must be. I'd love to know that if you're a medical professional. Send it through. Send it through.

Hi, it's Beth from Devon in the UK, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Before you get the Patreon shoutouts, I've got two things to say. Oh, mate, you've always got fucking something to say, haven't you? First of all, I am Nostradamus. I can see the future. What? What is Notre Dame, the film? Isn't Nostradamus like someone who can tell the future?

Okay, yeah. Oh, I thought it was like Quasimodo. They might know each other. Sanctuary! That's actually very offensive to those people to say that. They don't like that. Hunchback of Notre Dame. I can see the future

and I know Tony has been bidding in a few auctions unsuccessfully. I think tomorrow, being a Saturday, is going to be your day. No, don't do this. In fact, I don't think you're going to get it. I already know. No, you don't.

Don't do that. And you know what? The other houses you bid for, I was being supportive at the time. But I hated them. They were fucking shit. That's like when you break up with someone. It's like when you break up with someone. I hated him anyway.

I hated that guy. Don't worry about it. Yeah, but imagine if you, like, didn't get the house tomorrow and you're like, but I got the one from three weeks ago. Yeah, surprise. Oh, no, yeah, I did like it all along. They suck. Tomorrow's your day, sweetheart.

I don't need you to jinx it because we really love this one. No, no, no, tomorrow's the day. And second of all, I know we were just talking about Kayla and the butt plug. Yeah. But can we just get a small, slow clap for the gentleman that was Mr Tinderella? Yep. Yeah.

Like I said, not a lot of people, like lots of people would have just like freaked out and gone like, I don't care about this. But the fact that they went with her to the hospital, that's very kind. So Mr Tinderella. They're married now. with her to the hospital. That's very kind.

They're married now. Mr. Tinderella went to, because I've replied and been chatting to Kayla before I told this story, and he went to work the next day and the guys at work were like. In the small town. In the small town. And the guys at work were like, bro, you fucking got to check this out. And he like didn't say, yeah, like. Well, you wouldn't. For her privacy, I, you fucking got to check this out. And he, like, didn't say, yeah, like. Well, you wouldn't.

For her privacy, I think you would have to. But you could imagine you going, fuck, what a crazy night. And then you get to work the next morning and you're like, oh, wow, crazy. Or even just like when you've spent a long night in the hospital. We've all done it for one reason or another. I think he left at three or four in the morning and was at work at seven. Yeah. So he's gone to work like fucking eyes hanging out of his head.

They've got, oh, big night, mate. And he went, yeah, you wouldn't read about it. And he goes, oh, not as big as this person. And then he goes, well, actually. So you would read about it. Yeah, you would read about it. You are literally reading about it. It was happening and that was me.

Yeah, fine. Good on you, though, bro. Yeah, they deserve a fucking Order of Australia medal, that guy. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. Chantel, thank you so much. Kathleen Fuller. Matilda G. Oh, fuck.

What? Matilda D. Gian Domenico. Gian Domenico. Thank you, Matilda. Matilda. Tilly. Tilly. Lauren Gilchrist and Kerry Gollidge.

And that story, if I'm not mistaken, actually came through our Patreon. Came through Patreon. So if you're part of the Patreon, we actually go through, like, I answer all of those messages because we can't get to all the Facebook ones, we can't get to all the Instagram ones, but Patreon, like I empty that out every couple of days. So if you've got a great fucking story, I send them right to Ryan without reading them so that I can still be surprised.

So if you've got a fuck story. Through Patreon. Send it through Patreon. I know that this is like a little bit, you know, breaking the rules, a bit crazy maybe, but I've got a normal or nah. On a Friday? On a Friday. Nah.

Thursdays only. Normal or nah, breaking in shoes before you wear them. Oh, it depends what you've got to do. Yeah. But, I mean, say, like, I don't want to be one of those guys who are slightly overweight in their mid-30s going, back when I used to be an athlete. However, back when I used to be an athlete, you wouldn't like,

you'd wear them to training first before you went to a game and maybe you'd wear them around the house before you went to training. You know, you don't just want to rock up. Or even if you buy like new nice dress shoes or something, you'd maybe go like, oh, probably not going to wear them for the first time to this wedding I've got on Saturday. They're going to be on my feet for 10 hours.

Yeah, you probably like wear them around the house or something like that. 100%. Yep. Normal. Normal. Yeah. Yeah. So I never break shoes in.

I'm like so stupid when it comes to that. You stupid girl. I am. I look so stupid. And I always wear shoes like for the first time like out of the house. Great. Anyway. And then do you go, I should have worn them in.

Oh, I should have worn them in or like worn thick socks to like help break them in or whatever. So I've got some news. I've actually joined the croc. This is my croc for the show. I bought these crocs. They're not just crocs either. They are crocs. Would you say it's a platform croc?

They're a platform croc. I also got some giblets. So we've got a tooth. Why have you got a tooth? Because I just thought it was really cute. It's got a little smiley face. We've got a Diet Coke because Tony loves Diet Coke. We've got a little pipper. A little pipper. A little burger. I don't know, like a sandwich. That's a sandwich, yeah.

Because you like sandwich. That's in your book, favourite food. And what's that at the bottom? A swifty. It says swifty. Because you're a swifty now. And the other one. Show it right down the barrel of the camera. Tarp. It says Tarp. T-A-R-P in the giblets on the cross. So it's Tony and Ryan podcast because I wanted to rep the podcast. So I know there was a bit of discussion about what colour you would get

because you've been thinking about this for a real long time. I've been thinking about them for ages and I wore producer Cam's Crocs during the marathon. Like I needed to run outside and grab, you know, when like those memes of like, oh, when your mum comes home with the shopping and you just put whatever shoes on that are at the door or whatever. And you've got one heel and one.

Yeah. Yeah. And one fits and one's way too big. And so I popped Cam's Crocs on to run outside and I was like, oh, they're quite comfy. And anyway, ended up. That was the gateway. That was the moment.

It was the gateway Croc. Anyway, so I have finally purchased some Crocs. I've got my giblets. Very excited about them. Anyway, they are, as you said, a platform Croc. So it's a bit more involved than just a croc. Yeah, so platforms in general are a little bit trickier for wearing in, right? And I wear platforms all the time.

Like I'm not wearing platform runners today and it's like the first time ever. Oh, I didn't know this about you until like a month ago when I said, have you fucking shrunk three inches today, bro? And you go, no, I'm just not wearing platforms today. I was like, you've been doing this the whole time. Yeah, because I always wear platform sneakers and now I've got platform crocs as well. How tall are you?

I'm like literally non-existent. Yeah. I'm like negative tall. Yeah, you are below the ground. Yeah. And anyway, so I've just like had these crocs and I was like, I probably need to like break them in a little bit. Then I was like, maybe it's fine.

And I was kind of worrying around the house. I wore them down to the bin and stuff. And I was like, they it's fine. And I was kind of worrying around the house. I wore them down to the bin and stuff. And I was like, they're probably going to be fine. Last week, my sister, who lives in Darwin, I've talked about her on the podcast before, Libby, her and her husband and her two kids have just moved to Melbourne. Welcome to town. Really exciting.

Like I haven't lived near any of my family for years, years and years, except for you, obviously, my found family. Thank you. Not my best friend. Why are you saying it like that? I just thought maybe you'd go, yeah, I am, or something. Anyway, that's okay. So my sister.

I can be your best friend. But I'm not your best friend. Who's your best friend? I don't think I have a best friend anymore. A best friend's not a person, it's a tier. Yeah, see that. Yeah. Yeah, so I think.

That works for me as well because I've got lots of people who are like really close friends. Yeah, I think BJ, Mabel and Bridge. Oh, maybe not Bridge. No, he'd be up there. Torbs is probably my best friend. Yeah. Because I tell him everything.

And definitely Pippa as well. If we're talking tears. Yeah. I need the little box. Oh, best friends. Yes. No. We'll organise that later.

Okay, okay, okay. That's going to be my love to see in Rothertown. So my sister has moved to town. Like, really exciting. Best sister? Tears? Yeah. Top three.

Top three siblings. Top three siblings. Best three. Oh, not including me. There's four. Well, I'm obviously the top sibling. Talk to yourself. My favourite not including me, there's four. Well, I'm obviously the top sibling. Talk to yourself. My favourite sister is me.

I'm the best sister. Anyway, and so they've been kind of like organising this move and trying to like, you know, sending stuff down in advance so they didn't have to travel with it. And last week they finally, she finally got here. So she flew down with her two sons. F***ing Toddy. By herself, yes. They're the ones down with her two sons. F***ing toddy. By herself, yes.

They're the ones who made the sign that said f***ing toddy. Stop saying that. Stop saying that. Can you beep those cam? Thank you. Anyway, and so it was really late at night when they were supposed to fly in. Why does that concern you? You didn't.

You didn't. You didn't. You did not. They were, it was late at night. They're moving here. I thought that, like, they're, you know. And I was excited to see them as well. Oh, sure, sure. And they were staying at our house for the night. So before they've moved into an Airbnb now, but for the night they were like, so it was, you know, their flight landed

at midnight, right? And then they were going to come to our house anyway and I was like, you know what? Don't. I'll come and grab you. Because I'm really excited to see you and I'm obviously very happy to come and get you. Now here's the editorial coming.

If you're a relative, I don't actually give a fuck what tier you're on. If you care about me, care enough to get you the self to wherever the fuck you need to be in town because airport pickups are the fucking worst. The traffic's fucked. The parking. It's so stressful. I've actually let an airport keep my car because it was cheaper

for them to have the car than for me to pay the ticket for the fucking parking. Yeah. RIP my Y yaris gold coast airport yeah it's still there it's still i'm like you get you're paying red jobs still it's like hang on you're gonna charge me 500 for parking when the cars were 300 bucks that's not good maths mate you can actually have that car here's your asset yeah here's the keys see fuck later. If you cared for me as a friend or a family, you would get in a fucking Uber, you would get the Skybus, you would get a taxi, you would fucking walk. But when you ask someone to pick you up from the airport,

what you're saying is I don't actually respect you or your time. And you're so serious about this that once you and I flew back to Melbourne together and your car was at the airport and as we walked out of the airport together, you said, cool, see you on Monday, mate. You're so serious about not picking people up from the airport that you didn't even take me home with you while we were both there. Well, that sounds even worse because I was already there. Yes, it does.

No, we live on different sides of town now. What do you mean? We do. You live on the inner northeast and I live on the slightly outer northeast, different sides of town. I'm just saying, mate. You're just saying a lot of things today, mate. But anyway.

But obviously your sister doesn't love you, so she's like, well, come and pick me up. So she let me come and get her. Come and pick me up because I hate you and your time and your family. Look, I was very happy to go and get them. Come and pick me up because I hate you and your time and your family. Look, I was very happy to go and get them. However. What were you wearing?

If she had have said, don't worry about it. Great. I would have gone, well, I'll see you when you get to our house. And she's going to listen to this and she's going to go, Tony, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to come and get me? Because I was excited to see them and I did want to see them. Yeah, you can be excited to see them when they get to the door.

No, but anyway, so I went and picked them up. So regardless, it's irrelevant because I did the thing. Yeah. But so it's midnight and everybody in this room can answer at the exact same time. What time does Tony go to bed every night? Three, two, one. Nine o'clock. Thank you.

So I went to sleep. Can we, next time we say everyone in the room, can someone else contribute? Yeah, well, he needs to fucking live. So I go to bed really early. I'm asleep on the couch and Torb's like, like does the shake at like 1130 and he goes, sweetie, you need to go and grab them from the airport.

And I go, oh, fuck. I'm like half asleep. I pull on the first thing I find. I end up with tracksuit pants, a jumper and the extra large Crocs. Fuck, and they're huge Crocs. They're huge Crocs. Usually when Tony gets woken up by tobs in the middle of the night, she gets a huge Croc.

Don't normally have to go anywhere, though. Roll over. Anyway. Show you my giblets. Anyway, so I pull on the first thing that I find. Can you drive in a crook? Yeah, you can because I've done it. Is it a wild ride?

Well, I am used to driving in a platform anyway. But I wouldn't advise it if you hadn't done it before. You need experience in driving in a platform. You know the slides that I got us? Yes. So sweet. Have you driven in those? They fucking fling off.

Honestly, I went around the corner and it went to fucking Geraldton. So not only do they slide off, but they're so cushioned that you can't get any pressure on the pedal. You can't feel like how far you are. So I was like, I had to, like, I just drove just down the street to get some firewood. You have to saw him off. Oh, but I was like. Like bunny hopping like a pea plate.

Yeah, because you've got no touch. Yeah, because you've got no like, you don't know how far you've gone. But the crocs weren't like this? No, so they're comfy, but they're hard. Yeah, okay. Again, I'm experienced in driving in a platform. So I think that that probably was to my advantage. But so I go to the airport and I don't pick people up from the airport.

So I don't even know where to fucking park. Because most of your friends aren't assholes. So anyway, I get to the airport and I find a spot and I'm like, all right, I guess I'll walk across. I walk across the wrong fucking terminal. Yeah, the airport's a minefield. Well, then I've got to walk all the way down to another terminal. Are they in Terminal 4?

I don't know what it fucking was. Because there's 4 in Melbourne and if you get to the wrong one, you're miles away. They're not connected by the – anyway. There's Terminal 4? I don't know what it fucking was. Because there's 4 in Melbourne and if you get to the wrong one, you're miles away. They're not connected by the – anyway. There's Terminal 4. I get to the wrong thing and then I walk all the way down to the correct terminal and I see their baggage claim and I'm like, oh, I wonder where their gate is.

Like I'll greet them at the gate. That's nice. Because I was already all the way there. Nah, not in Terminal 4, mate. You may as well walk to fucking Darwin and be closer. That's like a five-kilometre walk from one terminal to four and then to the end of where the gates are. Yeah.

Those poor little footsies. In my giant crocs. So I start like I get to the baggage carousel. I'll go to the gate. I'm already here. I've done, like, 40%. I'm 98% of the way there. That extra 2% of me going to the gate.

How sweet. Someone who is well-versed in Melbourne Airport would know that you are, in fact, not 98% of the way there. No, I wasn't. I was about 1% of the way there and I had 99% to go. Anyway, so I walk all the way back up to where the security thing is to let you through to the gates and I go, oh, like I just wanted to go pick someone up and they go, ma'am, the airport's closed.

What? So by that time it was like after midnight. Are you wearing socks, by the way? No. Are you getting sweaty? They're sore, they're sweaty. I'm like really hot and puffed because I'm like running around the airport. Anyway, and it's getting later and later.

My sisters messaged me. They've already landed. And they go, you can't go through this way. You've got to go down to the baggage carousel. Do you know where that is? And I go, yeah, I've just come from there. Yeah. So then in my Crocs, it's getting later and later,

they have already come off the plane. I had to sprint back from the closed fucking security all the way down back to the other fucking baggage carousel. And I'm standing like. Like, oh, I can't wait to see you guys. Yeah, I'm just down at the baggage carousel. Like about to fucking pass out. I've got these giant crocs on.

One of my giblets flew off. Which one? Well, so then I had to run back and get it. What's the giblets? It just says tar. Yeah, so it was actually the second. So it was the second R. So it just said tarpy.

So instead of saying tarpa, it said tarpy. Oh, I thought it just said tarp. Have you not retrieved one of them? I took them off because it kept flying off. I've just realised what I've done. Tarpey. Who's tarpey? Yeah, who's tarpey?

Tarpey, damn. Anyway, and then so I've had to then sprint with my Crocs all the way back. Luckily, they were in sport mode. All the way back down to the other baggage carousel where I fucking originally was the most stressful fucking. Have you got like welts on your feet? So they were so sweaty and all like rubbing on the sides and stuff. And they probably stank as well. I still can't smell because of my long COVID.

So they probably smelled really bad. But anyway, I ended up staying there. It was great to see them. Yeah, I bet it was. But because I'd fucked up the parking, we then had to carry, like pull all their luggage. And they've moved here. They're not just here for a holiday.

Can you fit all that stuff in the small Audi? Because yours is like a sexy small Audi. It's not like a big SUV Audi. No, it's not. It's a sexy little car. And so that's why I didn't bring Torbs because i was like i'm gonna need all the space um and and also he didn't want to go because who wants to go to the fucking airport he goes now i'll see him when i get here that's probably why he doesn't have a license oh so he doesn't have to pick anyone up from the fucking

airport and i travel a lot i travel a lot you imagine how many airport runs torbs would be doing if he fucking could drive that's so true i've actually lost my license. Can you imagine how many airport runs Torbs would be doing if he fucking could drive? That's so true. I've actually lost my license. Yeah, I've heard that. What should I say I lost it for? Driving in Crocs. Driving in Crocs. I feel like it's not socially acceptable to like.

Well, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Because that's fucking ridiculous. Speeding is a little bit fucked. Also fucking ridiculous. What's a not fucked reason to lose your. Driving in Crocs. I gave you an out earlier and you did not take it.

You dug yourself in, mate. Okay. I would say Crocs is more dangerous than driving at 400 k's an hour. Well, luckily I had the experience- I'm not a cop. I'm not a croc. Anyway, so I picked them up. They're here safe.

It's been great to see them. Yeah, love them. Thanks for coming. Yeah. No, now that the airport's done, we're fine. That's great. Now it's great. No, we're fine. And welcome to Melbourne, family. Thanks for coming. No, now that the airport's done, we're fine. That's great. Now it's great. Now we're fine.

And welcome to Melbourne, family. Welcome to Melbourne. Welcome to town. I've got to get love to see it. Tapa Macy. Hi, Macy. This is her message. Her little girl had a baby, struggling to gain weight,

and was actually being fed through a tube in her nose for a few weeks, which I don't know about you. Even if they're perfectly healthy and you know it's fine, just the sight of like a tube in the baby, it just like. Oh, well, just because you just want them to will be perfect little dumplings. Horrible. Yeah. So Macy's messaged through and said,

my love to see it is that she's now eating and gaining weight like a fucking champ, to quote Macy, and no longer requires the tube. The whole family is just so proud of her. So I do love to see that, Macy. However, I do have some beef. Oh. Well, surely not with Macy. No, with the kid.

I'm happy for Macy. I'm happy for Macy's daughter. I've also been gaining weight like a fucking champ. Yeah. But I'm not getting praise from my family. I think that you look great. Thank you. Yeah.

You look healthy. But why is it that when the baby is gaining weight, they get words like fucking champ, and when I gain weight, I get words like fucking pig? Well, I would never say that. No, but you're not my dad. Well, fuck that guy off. No airport drop-off for that bloke.

So anyway, mixed emotions about that story. It is upsetting that when kids go, oh, upper size, and I go, I'm upper size, and they go, oh, we don't stock that anymore. Yeah, no. We can't sell anything to you. But Macy and a little Macy, all the best and congrats. Thanks for listening to the show. I've actually got a recommendation for my...

Oh, my God, the screens just went off. Oh, no. Is a recommendation... Is this like a going into the weekend recommendation? It is. Like it's something I can watch this weekend? Because as I've said, I'm off the bear. Oh, yeah, because it's too stressful.

It's too stressful. We talked about this last week. Well, it is a recommendation, but not something you can watch and something that maybe Macy and her daughter could enjoy together. Now that she's eating like a champ, I want to recommend that this weekend everyone goes and does like a Sunday roast at a pub. Great.

Yes. Right. Fuck yeah. So I'd never done it before. And I went last weekend to this pub in St Kilda. They opened up. The roof was absolutely beautiful. We sat in the sun, ate a roast, and it was fucking mint.

And can I just say, am I right in saying that it's not like on the menu, it's more like on the chalkboard. Yes. And they go, oh, it's Sunday. Do you guys want the roast? Sundays, there's a roast. It's $25. Oh, nothing better.

I've never done it before, and I'm fucking all about it. And they call it just like a roast of the day? Yep. What was it? So it was a lamb. And it was like a big chunk of lamb, but it fucking fell apart. And then it was all these roasted potatoes. Was it like a mint kind of sauce?

There was, which is not my area. I'm not a mint guy. But there was like a roasted purple carrot, which was fucking mean. They are. And still had like a little top on it. Oh, yeah. For the look of it. Yeah.

Yeah. It was stunning. And I would love for everybody this weekend to go down and do a Sunday fucking pub roast because, honestly, life-changing. And just like as simple as that, it was fucking lovely. I might be two days early with this statement. Oh. That is the best recommendation I've ever heard you say on this podcast. I will confirm Sunday night I'll be posting

a photo of my roast into the group. Write that down, Producer Cam, because he won't fucking go and I'd love for everybody to fucking lay into you after you don't post. Where's a good pub near me that would do a cracking Sunday roast? Oh, there'd be heaps out in the country. Panton Hill.

Maybe Warrandyte. Altham Pub, I'd skip that one. No, there's a fucking, honestly. There's a Sunday roast for you. You've got to do it. And I just could not believe that I've lived almost 30 years without going and enjoying that. You're almost 30.

Yep. 30 in November. Don't look a day over 22, sweetheart. Thank you. I'd roast that. Put your red carrot in mine. Sorry. Roast?

I don't know. But anyway, you'll love to see that. And great recommendation. Please, everybody, we're going to do. Ryan's going to go for a roast this Sunday. He just said that. I'm going to post it in the group too. So we're going to do a roast thread.

And everyone's going to go for a roast this weekend. And I'd love to see your roast picks. Will you accept unroll those eyes and that face and lower those eyebrows? Is home roasting off the... No, it's not the same. Because a home roast is wonderful.

Like, absolutely amazing. And fucking delicious as well. But, I just think that it's the experience of the pub roast that you need to go and do. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. We'll report back, but fuck. Yeah. That is, mate, you are informed. We're going to do a roasty thread on Sunday. Yeah. And how. Tony and Roastin'.

That's what we'll call it. All right. We'll chat to you on Monday. Love you. Bye.