Toni and Ryan - Scamcelled

Episode Date: June 4, 2023

I accidentally ruined Ryan's new segment - and we hear all about the KIIIING of merch. Love ya!! Toni xoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm here with Dr. Author Tony Lodge and we are calling the UK. We're calling London and it's Ben who... Oh, is he big? Big Ben! Yeah, now we've got it. The clock in London. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, okay. Hello? Hello, Ben!

Hi! Hi, how are you? Sorry, I'm a tiny bit tipsy. What are you doing? I'm on holiday right now and now I'm in a car in Portugal. I don't mind that that much at all. Well, Ben, yeah, sorry to interrupt, but do you mind approving this podcast so you can go back to drinking in Portugal?

Yes. Could you quickly remind me what to say because I'm a tiny bit tipsy and I've listened to your podcast many times and my brain is blanking. That's all right. We don't actually need you to say anything just yet. We just need you to go, yeah, and we go, blah, but you know what? Don't even worry about it. Hi, it's Ben from London.

I'm currently drunk in Portugal and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Coming up. Hello. A quiz about Snoop Dogg merch. We were getting all up in George Foreman's grill last week. I didn't. Yep. Hello. Welcome. We're in the merch game now. Yep. I'm wearing a Tony and Ryan t-shirt. Tonyandryan.com.au. Thank you. I've got a quiz of like, guess which one of these Snoop Dogg merch items are real and they all sound fucking not real. They're cooked.

Okay. That's coming up soon. Oh, I can't wait. But first. Is he, sorry, is he Snoop Dogg now or is he Snoop Lion or is he back to dog? I think he's still dogging it. Because you know how he did the lion.

Was that for a promo or something? He felt like he evolved. Yeah, he went on a trip or something. uh wasn't it just that he felt like he evolved i don't think it was for marketing oh i mean we're all getting sucked into the merch aren't we he used a george foreman grill i'm a lion yeah i'm a lion now yeah take all that fat out of my body and yeah all that poison um i want people listening to vote on whether they like this new segment or not. I'm pitching a new segment. And, Tony, you know how supportive I am of your new segments when you pitch them, so I just want you to know that.

Okay. We can break that down first if you like. No, I think that's good. I don't think that you've ever been supportive of anything that I just have ever done. I'm supportive of multiple treadmills. I'm supportive of your stand-up paddleboarding. You're not supportive of anything that I just have ever done. I've supported you on multiple treadmills. I've supported you on your stand-up paddleboarding. You're not supportive of any of those things.

You haven't been supportive of my treadmills or my fucked facts or my stand-up paddleboards. You don't even count the time that I've stand-up paddleboarded as the time that I stand-up paddleboarded. I do now. I support everything that you do. I actually do support you to the death. You're trying to kill me.

We're just looking now. I support you to the great trolley in the sky. Well, I hope you support this. Okay. But first, Toni, one word answer, yes or no. Do you believe in cancel culture? No. I've got some quotes from you that might sway the jury.

Is it true, Tony Lodge, that you once said cereal is a scam and tried to cancel cereal and I quote, they scrape dirt off the floor, charge you $12, tell you to get your own milk and go fuck yourself? I did say that, yeah. Cancelled. I cancelled cereal? Cereal cancelled.

Oh, okay. Is it true you called homemade pizza a scam? Yeah. Cancelled. Actually, do you want to call this segment scams or cancelled? Scamsled. Scamsled. I don't know what the actual segment is, but yeah.

Yeah, no, scamsled. Yeah, no, scamseled. Yeah, okay. Scamseled. Okay. Because you like to scamsel things, I want to get on board with your scamseling. Yeah. And I would like people to message through and tell us what they think should be scamseled. And I've got one here today that I think you will agree should get scamseled the fuck out of our life.

Okay. Is this not, sorry. Is this not just normal or nah though? Nah, nah. Cause normal or nah is like, nah,

it's not for me, but this is like, fuck it off. That's kind of what normal or nah is though, isn't it? It doesn't sound like you're being supportive. And slash you, you,

you're not wrong. Kind of sounds like the thing you already do. No, that's okay. No, you're right. No, lay it on me. Lay it on me. Okay. Coffee table books.

They're a scam. And let me just, this specific line of this advertisement. Tired of boring and bare tables. Is this a real advertisement? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yep. Have you ever seen a bare table top in your fucking life in a house you've lived in? Nah, there's always shit everywhere.

No fucking shade to me, but I'm a piece of shit. I've never seen the top of a table in a house I've lived in. So when they say, are you bored of a bare table? Wrong audience. Bills? Yeah.

Hoodies? Yeah. Shit your mum's coming to pick up? Slash shit your mum's just dropped off? Oh, my tables are always bare. Catalogs? Baskets of laundry? Yep.

George Foreman grills? What about, though, like a coffee table doesn't really normally have as much shit on it. Mugs? But it does always have stuff. Mugs, plates. Yeah, like a TV remote. Yeah, a cup of tea. Yeah. Maybe a candle.

I want to scamsul anyone who suggests that we would be bored of bare coffee tables. anyone who suggests that we would be bored of bare coffee tables? I like a coffee table book. I want to like it. I like the concept, but I just think the reality, the fact that I might need to add some stuff to the table to fill it out. Yeah, I think that stuff for stuff's sake isn't really. But, like, you know when you flick through a beautiful book and it does look lovely and it is like you're proud of it

and it's sitting on the thing? Yeah. My Alison Roman, my new Alison Roman book is set up on my coffee table at the moment as, like, the book that I'm kind of, like, reading and flipping through. And I actually, I'm so embarrassed because I'm like the least chic person as you guys know I'm not very cool I've got two treadmills in my house like that's not cool and at the moment um so I've got two like nested coffee tables it's like they're two odd shapes they nest inside each other and then on top of the bigger one is Alison Roman's book,

a beautiful little clay dish that someone made me, like a listener of the podcast made me, and hand-painted and stuff. You use it as an ashtray for when you're smoking cigs on the couch? Well, actually, that has matches in it, and it's got a candle next to a glasshouse candle that I bought of my friend Rachel Sara's collab that she did for Mother's Day. Yeah. So it's like got her art on it and it's beautiful.

So it's like three really sentimental things, but they're arranged in a way that I think is quite cool and I wish I had a photo to show you. And so I'm like now on the – I literally – I'd never had a coffee table book until like the weekend that just passed. Never had a coffee table book. Then I put that one down and I went, I've got to get more of those. Are you implying?

I did not know we were doing this today. Are you implying that I've had 35 years to pitch this segment and it would have worked every single day of the last 36 years? Until yesterday. Yes. I've literally just arranged it and I went, I've got to get some more of those. And do you know like when you see like the Tom Ford ones

and the Vogue ones, see, that's not really me because do you know I found out that they're like $300? They're like incredibly expensive. Can you read what I've written here? Have you seen the ones at Dimmicks and they're like the Italian ones? Read this line here. Have you ever met ones at Dimmicks and they're like the Italian ones? Read this line here. Have you ever met a person with both a Tom Ford coffee table book and a personality?

Oh. I haven't. Scamseled. When you said Tom Ford book, I was like. The Tom Ford one. And they always have them in like fancy eyebrow places and stuff. Like beauty salons always have them. But they're really expensive. Google how expensive they are. I can't. I can'tons always have them. But they're really – Google how expensive they are.

I can't. I can't know how much they cost. They're really expensive. I can't know how much they cost. So, you know, we love – the wankers, fancy people ask – we love Architectural Digest. Oh, yeah. The bowl of limes.

You don't need that. No, but I feel like the Tom Ford book, it's like, well, we can't let Architectural Digest in unless. Yeah. It might just be a Tom Ford cover on a woman's weekly. Like when you fill an ASAP bottle filled with palm olive. Yeah. Yeah, because I've never opened it, but I've seen the exterior

and it's just white and it's got Tom Ford written in black text. It could just be I Don't Need Therapy and Other Lives of Tom by Tony Lodge with the Tom Ford cover on it. How would that help, say? I reckon you'd go, all right. There's two options. Oh, yeah. Because you want to read what's inside this,

but you want other people to think you've got the Tom Ford book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm actually not mad about that. Unscamseled, I'm back in. If people were like, Tony, I'd love to buy your book, but the front's shit and I don't want people to know I'm reading it, I'd go, you know what? Here's the Tom Ford dust cover for the Tony Lodge book. Tom Ford on the train.

Segment out, business idea in. Yep. More merch. More merch. What is it about Tom Ford and like a Gucci or a fashion? And what are they? Just a book of nice clothes or shit? I don't know.

Well, I actually don't know what's in the Chanel one. No one does. Do you know what? So the coffee table book, obviously, that I'm talking about is a cookbook. So it's not actually a coffee table, but it's just a beautiful book. I was going to say, as someone who is the head of graphics for Tony and Ryan, because I did a term of Photoshop in year 10, I did flick through and go,

this is actually beautifully put together. Yeah, the design is stunning. And all food books look great because of the food. But it is, you could genuinely sit there and just flick through and just go, this just looks beautiful. And so I think that that's more my vibe. Yeah. Like beautiful cookbooks rather than it being like,

I don't even know what's in those Chanel books or anything. Is it just trying to be like I'm trying to be fancy, like aggressively fancy, like at you? I'm being fancy at whoever. If someone walks in, they're going to go, oh, I know she's fancy. She's got a Tom Ford book. Have you looked up how much they are? And now am I going to want to punch myself in the dick?

Producer Cam, how much are they? $250. Fuck off. But what do you charge for? $30 or so. I actually saw your book on sale. That's all right. Hopefully people buy it.

Did you buy a copy? Did you grab one? Yeah, $29.95. Oh, that's all right. Yeah, not a heavy discount. Yeah, see, my sister sent me a picture of it the other day and she was like, oh, you're on the top shelf. And I went, oh, yeah, and I was on the top shelf of like the sale bin.

It was like $22 something. It was pretty good value. That is good value. Yeah. I'm not looking at it like it's a demotion. I'm looking at it like, fuck. It's good value. It's good value.

People are getting a bang for their buck. If it was single digit, if it was like $7.80, you'd be like, oh. Do you know what I reckon I'm really not looking forward to is that one day in maybe, you know, 10, 15 years. It'll be in a bargain bin. I'm going to the op shop. And you look in and there's like, it's like buy 12 books for six cents.

And mine's in that collection. That's not going to be great. And there's going to be like a handwritten note from me because I've signed it from someone who like no longer feels like this book is part of their life. And I get that. People move on. And it's going to be like, hey, Mel, so great to meet you. Love Tony Lodge. And it's going to be signed and it's still only worth like six cents.

And then someone's going to come and buy it for six cents and they go, well, my name's Carl, so I'm not going to buy a book that says Dear Mel. But I'm standing there and he goes, do you mind just like crossing Mel out and writing Carl in? I go, yeah, mate, that's extra money. And he goes, no, it's not. And I go, you're right. And he takes it. He doesn goes, no, it's not. And I go, you're right. And he takes it.

He doesn't even pay for it. He just takes it for free. Yeah. He'd use it for fire, to start his fire. Yeah. Do you know how... He's just propping a door open with it or something. I've started buying newspapers to get the fire going.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, classic. Do you know what apparently is really good for that? What? The lint from your dryer. Really? Oh, that would fucking go up. Because it's so flammable. Yes, of course. That's a great idea. Do you know what apparently is really good for that? What? The lint from your dryer. Really? Oh, that would fucking go up. Because it's so flammable.

Yes, of course. That's a great idea. Do you want me to save all my lint for you and give it to you in a little bag? Okay. Business bag. Isn't that a bit gross? Business bag. Isn't that a bit gross?

Or is it? Nah, it's fine. Well, it's just dry lint. It's not got like human shit in it or anything. Actually, no. I'm going to fucking spark it up. Yeah. Because trying to get.

Fucking right. Oh, okay. Cheech and chomp. So I assumed a newspaper was sparked up. Yeah. Because trying to get. All right. Fucking right. Oh, okay. Cheech and chomp. So I assumed a newspaper was still like a dollar. And I went down and went to buy a paper, again, with no intention of reading a single word. Yeah. For two reasons.

A, who would, and B, I can't read. Yeah. And I also just went A and two instead of A and B. Oh, my gosh. So we're really on the right track here. Maybe you should have read it. It's like $4. And extortion.

I used to read the paper every day when I was in high school because I'd have breakfast and I'd just sit there and read through the news and read through the business pages. The business bag. It was the Tom Ford cover of all things. You were holding up the newspaper, but you had your FHM magazine, your GQ subscription. of all things.

You were holding up the newspaper, but you had your FHM magazine, your GQ subscription. But I reckon the paper used to have twice as much shit in it. It used to be massive. And be half price. Now, for $5.80, it's like there's an ad and you open it, and then it's like, oh, and now I'm in sport, and then it's over. I'm sorry. You don't need to explain this to me because we've got a word for it,

and it's scamseled. Scamseled newspapers. Scamseled. Fucking hell. I mean, it's really caught on. And then you go, can I get the newspaper? And they go, oh, we should add some more in. And they go, do you like reading?

I was like, no, I want to burn. Yeah, I'm burning these. Oh, world quality journalism. Well, that's obviously a fucking lie. Just give me some more paper. Yeah. I mean. Is there a cheaper way to get paper?

Well, that's what I'm thinking. Maybe you shouldn't use newspaper. Fire starter? Yeah. The link from your washing machine. Okay, okay. Dryer. I don't wash enough

and I fire a lot. Like I need more. But you only need a little bit because it's fucking. Just get it started. Yeah. Like house fires start with like dryers

not being cleaned out and stuff. Okay. So my pitch for scamseling coffee table books has resulted in newspapers are scam-sold. No, it's resulted in tips for getting your fire started. Use your lint washer. Even though it's not a video show,

I'm looking down the barrel of the camera and saying that was the first and last edition of Scam-Sold. Scam-Sold has been scam-sold. Hey, this is Ben and you're listening to Tony and Brian. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. I just did exactly what you did before. It's not a video show, but I looked right down the back of the camera. Alexis Dirks, thank you very much.

Dirks. Tay Patterson, thank you very much. Paddo. Holly 150. 150. And Katie Hayes, thank you. Thanks, Hayes. Like 150, like a, oh, that's 250, isn't it?

No, 150cc. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Is that, what's that? Is that like a lawn oh, that's 250, isn't it? No, 150cc. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Is that, what's that? Is that like a lawnmower? Oh. Oh, I mean a really powerful lawnmower, sure.

Thanks, Dad, in the corner. I hear that. If Cam's implying anything about a lawnmower or a motorbike, I'll jump in a doctor. All right. Yeah, he doesn't know anything about a motorbike, but he loves a good ride. Motorbike rider?

Barely know her. TonyandRyan.com.au, we've released some merch. We've got a hoodie. We've got two T-shirts. We've got a hat. Yeah, and we've got a lot of fun, a lot of love. A lot of love, a lot of love. No coffee table book at this stage,

but I don't hate the Tom Ford jacket. For the- Cash jacket, yeah, for any other book you have. Kim Kardashian released a coffee table book, which I would love to get my hands on. I don't even know if it's still available, and it was like Polaroids of her that she gave to Kanye West and then released as an actual book.

Wow. And I'd love to get that because- Okay, I'll put that on the birthday list. Birthday list. Last week we talked about George Foreman, one of the OG endorsers. Today I want to talk about Snoop Dogg and I've got the Snoop Dogg merch quiz. So I've got a whole bunch of things here, but I'm going to give you two Snoop Dogg merch items. Okay.

One is real, one is fake, and you've got to figure out which is which. It's best of three to see if you really are a merch queen. I've got to say, I'm racking my brain to think of when I've seen even like a Snoop Dogg T-shirt. Well, the iconic one is he does lighters for Bic. Does he? Yeah. And it's with, who's that old bird?

Martha Stewart. So. Does he? Yeah, and it's with, who's that old bird? Martha Stewart. Who's? He does it with, who's that old bird? And producer Cam literally knew exactly who you were talking about. God, a gay and a stoner walk into a bar and... So,

Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart are there endorsinging big lighters and the tagline is like lights, candles and other things and Snoop's like winking at the camera. I've never seen that but I love it. He's the king of a cheesy pun and endorsement and stuff. I guess he's been in lots of like random movies and shit. Like he's done a lot of things where you go, isn't he busy?

Yeah, he does a cameo. Yeah. Well, apparently he'll do, who do we know? Like some tech company had their like annual general meeting with all the staff. And after the CEO spoke, like Snoop Dogg did a half an hour set. What? Yeah.

And it's like, yep. He just goes, yeah, 20 minutes, no photos, 500 grand. And they go, cool. Or if a company goes, hey, can we put you on the poster of some dumb shit thing and we'll give you a million bucks? He's like, yep. I mean, you would, wouldn't you? You would, wouldn't you?

But that times three a week times 20, you know what I mean? He's just killing it. So let me introduce you. Sorry, sorry, yep. Which is real out of these two? There's Snoop Doggy Dogs, a line of dog accessory. Or is it Snoop's Scoops, a chain of ice cream parlors around California? Which of those is real and which is false?

So there's Snoop Doggy Dogs and there's Snoop Scoops. The thing is, both of them sound fun and quirky and like they could actually be real things, but both are as ridiculous as each other. I see you've learnt the premise of the quiz. Yeah. I'm guessing that the dog accessories are real. Are you locking that in, Tony Logs?

I'm locking in Snoop Doggy dogs. She's right. Going through the next round. Though, I mean, Snoop Dogg, Snoop Scoops is still a really good idea. You should tweet him that. Remember when my boyfriend Torbs tweeted at Dizzy Rascal and came up with that great idea for Fizzy Rascal, the TV show? Yeah.

That's so good, that tweet. It is so good. I forgot about that. Yep. As I'm sure Dizzy Rascal has also. That's real missed opportunity for merch for Dizzy Rascal. Did Snoop Dogg team up with Norton Antivirus for a campaign called Hack is Whack?

The, like, malware thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hack is Whack was the campaign. Or did Snoop Dogg team up with LA Cold Press, who does juices and juice cleanses and stuff like that, for Snoop Dogg's Gin and Juice Cleanse? Oh, it's got to be Norton Antivirus because that is hilarious. Hack is Whack. That is so good. Oh, it's got to be Norton Antivirus because that is hilarious.

Hack is whack. That is so good. I would buy that antivirus software. Well, get your credit card out because it's correct. Oh, my God. But also the gin and juice cleanse. That's fucking funny. That's fucking good. Sipping on gin and juice.

Juice cleanse. All right, Final question. Can she go three from three? In fact, if you go three from three, I'm crowning you merch queen. Okay. I'll take it. I haven't won it yet. I'm like, yeah, I'll take it, but no one's given it to me.

Is it the place that does car customizations called Snoopify Your Ride? Did you ever watch Print My Ride on MTV? Yeah, it's fucking the best. I think this is off the back of that. Oh. If it exists. Yeah. Or is it a store called The Snooper Market?

I'm going Snooper Market because I'm desperate for that to be real. What do they sell? Bic Larders. That's it. Open your browser. Type in the Snooper Market. She's correct. Three from three. Oh my god. I actually did not think there was any way that

that was real. Holy shit. Oh, see, his merch is pretty cool. Not as good as the TonyandRyan.com.au merch. I wouldn't have thought so. The shirts are sick. Death row. The shirts are sick.

Should I get one? Can I rock a Snoop Dogg merch, do you reckon? Only if you wore baggy jeans and Converse. I did just buy some converse for the treadmill i did not related to the not related to the treadmill i bought um like um chucks yeah but the platform ones because i only wear platform sneakers yeah and i bought platform chucks i haven't got i only just recently recently learned that Tony is exclusively platform sneaker. Yeah.

And Ryan was like, how small are you? And I took my shoe off and you were like, what? Yeah. Yeah, you've never seen me like more than, less than an inch and a half off the ground. Yeah. Seen your inch and a half plenty of times. I love the Snooper market. Great quiz.

Thank you. Thank you. I also love you throwing me off the scent of being like, oh, even Xyz, even Ducroft, that was really good. But did that throw you onto the scent though? No, it threw me off because I was like, there's no way it's the supermarket. That sounds too good. And then I was like, must be the show.

Speaking of business ideas, I've got a You Love To See It here. Please. Well, actually, is this a genius business idea or do you think this is a really nice thing to do or both? Okay. Isaiah tweets, for $5, I will go to your ex's Instagram page and on their latest picture, I will comment, yikes. You would make so much money. You could buy a heap of Tom Ford books if you were doing that.

That is so good. Or like, you know when you go quite deep and you end up on your ex's girlfriend's sister's cousin's trip to Santorini or whatever and you accidentally like something and then you realise you've got to start a new life? Yeah. If you paid someone to do that for you and then went like, oh, I hope you had a great time. Like, what a weird troll someone to do that for you and then went like, oh, I hope you had a great time. What a weird troll thing to do. All right, Isaiah, all the best with the business. Good idea.

I saw this photo and it was literally in a suggested Facebook group that came up for me and this photo made me fucking piss myself. It's on the back of a Subaru Forester car and it's a bumper sticker and it says, please be patient, I'm nine years old. How could you get mad at them? Do you reckon the cops are like, do we arrest this kid? Is it a joke? Like imagine if it was a nine-year-old and then the cop goes to a thing

and they're like, why didn't you arrest him? They literally had a sign saying I'm nine years old. Yeah, I was trying to let you know that I'm just little and I can't do it. That's good. Thanks. I like honestly almost passed away. Can we put one of those on your Audi? That's good Thanks I like Honestly Almost passed away

Can we put one of those On your Audi What You think I'm gonna Let you put a fucking Bumper sticker On my Audi Obviously not

I'd sooner buy another treadmill Put it on the back Of my treadmill How many treadmills Fit in the back of the Audi? None. That would be a clean zero. Please be patient.

I'm nine years old. Can I just see a tagline for most things in life? Yeah. But the car, because he can't be nine years old. Producer Kerry's about to fucking pass away, I think. I haven't seen you so short of breath since that time you came in after banging that doctor.

Fucking that doctor, yeah. Okay, Cam needs some fucking Toblerone. Let's get out of here. Thank you so much for listening. Tomorrow, Confessions are back. Top Confessions. Only a few days to go for the pre-order for the Tony and Ryan. Yeah, so check it out.

Tonyandryan.com.au. Pre-order now. We fucking love you. Head to the Snooper market for all Snoop-related merch. Go and Tony and buy it. Tony and Ryan. What were we doing earlier? I was Tony and buying merch.

What about... Get rich or die... Tony and... Ryan. Get rich or die... Tony. Ryan. Get rich or die... Yeah. Your name sounds more like it than mine. Yeah, yeah. No, I reckon we'll go that way, actually.

But thanks for coming down today, mate. Get rich or die, Tony. Please be patient. I'm nine years old. Please be patient, I'm nine years old. I reckon that would work in a business email saying, Tony, where are we up to with that project? You're like, sorry, I'm four.

Should I get the sticker for the back of my laptop? Yes! Please be patient, I'm nine years old. Or when you're presenting, you know how when you're trying to share your screen on a Zoom call? Please be patient, I'm nine years old. I'm down. Great. What a great business idea this is.

A lot of great ideas. Should we change? We should be in the business category. Well, we do have a business now. We do have a business now. We didn't used to be a business. No. We were told no uncertain terms. I wouldn't fucking not dream of being a business, but now we are.

I actually didn't dream. Thank God. If you thought about it, dead. Dead. Yeah, gone. We'll chat to you tomorrow. Have a good one. Love you. Bye.