Toni and Ryan - Sexy music and Gorilla groans

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

A great new Normal or Nah and Monique Da Rocha has gone Monique Da Rogue-a!!!! Love ya T xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hi, is that Jennifer? Yes. Hi, Jennifer. Is this Tony? Yes, it's Tony and Ryan, and we would love to know if you could approve this podcast. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

Ah, yes, I totally approve of this podcast. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Ah, yes, I totally approve of this podcast. Yay! Aw, thanks, Jennifer. Hi, this is Jennifer from San Antonio, Texas, and I approve of this podcast. You want to know how you know you're old? When you go, whoa, can't believe it's March, like you just did. I just said, can you believe it's halfway through March already?

Where has the time gone? All the years just fly by. It actually does fly by. Hey, there's a bunch of... Time flies when you're having fun. It does, mate, and I'm having fun with you. Yeah, beautiful. Also here on the podcast. Yeah, I mean, no wonder we're so busy.

Okay. There's a new trend on Instagram Reels and TikTok. Yeah. That I swear every second video I see is the same story and the same joke. Oh. And I've got beef with it. Have I done every second video I see is the same story and the same joke. Oh. And I've got beef with it. Have I done it? No.

Okay. But you should maybe. Oh. Were you just saying, oh, it's the worst thing I've ever seen. Yeah, you should do it. You should do it. And then I'll judge you, but I could see how something you would do. It's not a judge joke.

It's not a, no. Ah! Ah! Gavle! Have you get a gavel? Ah! Because... Why didn't anyone bring it up when we talked about Judge Judy yesterday? What a fucking missed opportunity.

What is happening on Judge Judy? You are only here because you own the car. Yes. You weren't there during the course of the incident. No. But this is what you say in your complaint. What you say in your complaint is that this young man is responsible for your car being crashed.

Yes. Don't judge me for liking Judge Judy. I love Judge Judy. She's also looked the same since I was a kid. That's a credit to her. Like, how does she look exactly the same as she did when I was a kid now? I think she's got a boat worth $200 million. She makes like a jillion, gillion dollars.

Insane. One of the richest people on TV. And fucking good for her as well. Slaying it. Judge Judith Shindlin. Good job. Excuse me. That's her name.

Judge Judith Shindlin. Judge Judith Shindlin. Say that with Invisalign twice and don't blink. Go. Judge Judith Shindlin. Judge Judith Shindlin. And now like you're not a murderer. Judge Judith Shindlin. Yeah Judith Shindlin. And now like in Not a Murderer. Judge Judith Shindlin.

Yeah, that's really hard. That's the first thing I think I've ever come across that I can't say. Oh, fucking not the first thing I've come across, yeah. First up today though. Yes. Normal or nah? Okay. This one is from Jack Cameron in the group.

Normal or nah? Music during sexy time. I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy. When you hear that. You've got a hole in your shirt, by the way. That's where I put my head through.

Where? On the nipple, on the right nipple. There's a hole where my nip is. Yeah. That's where the milk comes through. It's a breastfeeding tub. Anyway. Hey, my eyes are up here.

Thanks, mate. Why are you even looking there? No, just because then you said I'm too sexy with my shirt and I looked at your shirt and I was like, there's a hole in yours. I better take it off. There's a hole in my shirt, dear Liza, dear Liza. Normal or nah? Are you normal or nah?

I'm normal. I'm 100% normal. I'm a massive yay for this. Would you almost go as far to say you're against sex in silence? Yeah, I guess so. Like if I had to plant myself in one of the parks. Don't say plant myself in in a term like this. What?

I'd like to plant myself in here. When was the last time you said that? I actually, I'm going to call you out here. When was the last time you said that? I actually, I'm going to call you out here. When was the last time I said that? As in like? So you said to Bridget, your wife, you said I'm going to plant. What are you doing tonight? I'm going to plant myself in there.

I'm going to plant myself in there. Yeah, I'd say probably never. I guess it will be a root. Saved you. Anyway. Thanks, mate. Yeah, I'm a yay. I'm a normal.

I'm a yes. I'm a go. And why do you think that is? I'm a normal. I'm a yes. I'm a go. And why do you think that is? Well, I think I like that it does, like, break the tension a bit.

I completely agree. Because there's just something else going on. You can't just, like, hear your own self breathing or whatever. I think my main issue is the other noises that it might sort of hover over. Is that what you're sort of? Well, Craig Garrett said, normal. If you don't, then you get the gross sound effects of what sounds like someone stirring a pan of pasta sauce. Who said that?

Craig Garrett said that. Craig Garrett. Yeah, in our group. I mean, I don't disagree, Craig Garrett, but fuck me, that's visual. It is graphic. That is a really graphic description. Monique De Rocha said, Normal, I found when I first started banging someone,

music helps ease the awkwardness. But once you're past that awkward stage, let's hear those gorilla groans. That's what Monique, beautiful, innocent Monique De Rocha, on the treadmill. I thought I knew Monique DeRocha. I almost fell off the couch when I read that. Someone accused us of when we did our run on the treadmill

of stealing Monique DeRocha's thunder. That's very funny. You want to hear those gorilla moans. Groans. Gorilla groans. What do they sound like, Toni? Well, they don't sound, that's not how I would describe what I maybe noise do. Well, last week when we were describing Bronson and Felipe in New York,

they sounded like. So would you describe those as gorilla groans? I mean, you've met Felipe, so I would. I guess so. It just sounds so guttural and like... Aggressive, yeah. Do you agree with the theory, though, of once the ice is broken, maybe it's not as big a deal later on down the track?

Well, that's weird because so Torbs and I, my partner, we've been doing it for eight years together for seven. Yeah. Toblerone. The heir to the Toblerone fortune. We always have music on, but we always only play, there's one album that we use because we used to just hit random on Spotify or whatever. And there's actually a comment here from Hazel Crookshanks,

nah, because I'd get too distracted and start singing along. We've got to pick the right song. Yeah, you do. You can't put on your karaoke favourites. Yeah, you can't put on fucking Taylor Swift because you're obviously because the player's got to play, play, play, play, play. And it's going to affect your rhythm because you're going to get so into it.

We always put on the same album and it's a prog rock album by Mogwai and there's no lyrics in it. It's just like. It's got a bit of beat, a bit of energy. No, no, no, no. It's just like smooth sailing and you can kind of do whatever you want. You're not really affected by it because there's not really like a beat.

Well, I feel like if there's a quick beat, it kind of puts pressure on you to match it. Yes, 100%. Because you don't want to bang out a beat. That's like dubstep. Shit's going everywhere. Okay, well, another special shout-out to a comment in the group from Jack Cameron, who is the author of the post.

He said, For me personally, it's normal. However, my partner likes acoustic music in the background, which is usually a bit slower. If I had it my way, it would be club music playing, but I finished too quickly. And then Monique DeRocha comes in again. Fucking don't say comes in again.

Monique DeRocha, ha, ha, ha, smashing to EDM is dangerous. You think you know someone. Get back on the treadmill, doll. It's a whole new side to you. Maybe the treadmill's her husband's name. I'll listen to you while I'm on the treadmill. What have you been doing this morning? Oh, I've been pumping it on the treadmill all morning.

Yeah, fucking hell. Now, under your fit? Yeah. Jesus. I've got a question here. Question. Anding it on the treadmill all morning. Yeah, fucking hell. Now, under your feet. Yeah. Jesus. I've got a question here. Question. And this might be a bit too personal. I know you said the kind of music you listen to.

Yeah. We've talked about Spotify and My Meal. Yes. You last week were featured by Spotify on International Women's Day of like, here are some great ladies that I'd love to have dinner with. Here's a podcast playlist of great conversations with inspiring females. Is next in the Tony Lodge Spotify collaborations

a Tony Lodge bangs playlist? No way. Tony Lodge, what do you call it when you... Come? No. I'm going to cut that out. When you... I'll cut that out.

It's still in as you all now, no. When you put together a play. Curate. Curate. It starts with a C, you. Come on. Shut the fuck up. I've lost it, mate.

You just can't. Monique DeRocha's thrown you. I meant to say close. Yeah. Monique DeRocha has actually fucking thrown me. Would people appreciate if Tony Lodge curated. No, I'm not doing it. A sexy playlist so you can get off to the same music

that Tony Felicia Lodge does. Also, someone during the week called you Tony Felatio Lodge. Nice. Was it Torbs? week called you Tony fellatio lodge. Nice. Was it Torbs? How do you feel about curating a sexy playlist?

No, because I don't have. Tarpers unite. I don't have a playlist. I listened to this one album. I can give you the album if you want and you can listen to that, but I'm not doing a playlist. It's too much pressure. No way. I predict that album.

I'm never the DJ. What's that album again? It's called, oh, I don't want to, it sounds so lame. It's by a band called Mogwai and it's called Hardcore Will Never Die But You Will. I predict the listens of that is going to have a huge bump this week. People around the world are going to be getting their Mogwai on and their husband's going to be asking, Mogwai on and their husband's going to be asking, Mogwai, are you listening to this?

And then they'll know. I'm just making sure. And we'll all do it together and we'll each share which track list we got up to. Do you have the song? Jeez, that song Six is great, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, wouldn't know.

Couldn't tell you that. What was song two? But it's good because it just doesn't have any words, so it's like easy to... You don't get caught up in the lyrics. Yeah, because that's what I... And I'm a singer. Like whenever I hear a song going...

So your neighbours upset? So something that's going around Instagram and TikTok at the moment that's doing my head in, every second video I see is the same video of a different girl being like, it's a filter. Can you believe it? This is not actually what I look like. And then they turn the filter off and then fucking, yeah.

Have you noticed every second video is a different version of that same chat? Yeah, I guess I've seen it. Now that you bring it up, I'm like, yeah. And the issue is, which I agree with, is that people don't look like that in real life and it gives blah, blah, blah, blah. My issue is I don't look like that in real life.

That's the problem. I want to be filtered all the time. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes. I want, and I don't know if it's like a hologram or whatever or how it works or there's just like the lasers or we live in the metaverse. What? The issue is that if I don't look like that all the time, I there's just like the lasers or we live in the metaverse. What?

The issue is that if I don't look like that all the time, I want to look like that all the time. You do look very good all the time, though. I don't really understand the problem. I want a beautiful filter on me when I'm just in the street. But you just look good all the time. In this studio, there's all these fancy lights and stuff. Yeah.

So it highlights the bad stuff. You can see it. I'd rather sit in the dark. Hi, this is Jennifer from San Antonio, Texas, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show, and let me give you the heads up because this is going to be delicious. Yep. We decided because Batman is coming out, it's a new Batman,

Robin Pattinson. Yes. Such a good guy. Fuck, he's so handsome. He is so good. We thought we would watch some classic Robin Pattinson movies. Did we? Robin Pattinson. Robert Patt we? Robin Pattinson.

Robert Pattinson. Ah, Pats. Robin Pattinson. Robin Pattinson. He plays Batman, not Robin. And Robinson. So we said there's five options. Four of them were the twos.

Robinson, where did that come from? I just work email. Don't ask me questions. Why? Do we need a reset? Are you okay? Let me have a sip. Don't ask me questions. Do we need a reset? Are you okay? Let me have a sip.

Yeah, okay. Okay. Robert Pattinson. I nearly said it again. I nearly said it again. I took my water, I took my breath, and then nearly said Robin Pattinson. Have some more water. You just said Robin Pattinson again.

We decided we would watch a Robert Pattinson. Yep. I feel like when you're in kindergarten, they're like, just sound out your words. Like thrust. We have a choice of the four Twilight movies or Tenet. Can I just say, people were like, oh, where's Water for Elephants? Where's Remember Me or whatever?

He's been in lots of movies. We get it. But don't they understand the comedy of it being four Twilight movies and then another one? Well. I thought that was so funny and no one fucking, everyone was like, where's all the movies? It was a joke. It's a joke.

Sounds funny, mate. You should be a comedian. Oh, fuck off. So tomorrow on the show, Tony Lodge is going to explain Tenet. In less than 30 seconds, she's going to explain how it works, what the story is.

I can do that. And I look forward to that because I've seen the movie twice. I've loved it twice. Still couldn't fucking tell you a thing about it. So tomorrow, Tony will explain it in 30 seconds. All right. But just very quickly,

a very big thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Renee Dobson, Lexi Whitlark, thank you so much. Patrick Shaughnessy and Cam Litchmore the Bitchmore. Litchmore the Bitchmore. Yep. Get around him. Very, very thankful.

So, Tony, you did the most 2022 thing ever. Yes. The most pandemic times thing ever. I know. Yeah, it doesn't even feel 2022. It feels like 2020 vibes. But last Tuesday, Torbs and I, our best friends, got married. So it's very exciting.

I spoke about it briefly last week, but basically they had like four dates that they ended up having to change and shifts because of lockdowns and fucking venue restrictions or whatever. They ended up finally getting married last Tuesday. This was very, very exciting. And they live in New Zealand, so we weren't able to be at the wedding. New Zealand and Australia, we're next door. The rules and restrictions between one another.

I know. And their cases are crazy high at the moment, so just let me in. It's high anyway. Yeah, like it's high anyway. What am I going to do? Tony Lodge isn't going to do the damage. I'm triple vaxxed. So just let me in. It's high anyway. Yeah, like it's high anyway. What am I going to do? Tony Lodge isn't going to do the damage. I'm triple vaxxed. I've already had COVID.

Like it's probably fine. You're good to go. Anyway, so unfortunately we weren't able to go, but instead Torbs and I got nice and dressed up. We went over to a friend's of ours house, Jason and his wife Lou, and we watched the wedding on the live stream on the big screen, which is where the 2020 vibes come in, watching a fucking Zoom wedding.

Watched it on Zoom. Was it well shot? It was actually, so they didn't just do Zoom on a phone. They had this thing called Wedcast and they actually had like a dedicated person doing the live stream camera and it was like a big juicy camera and stuff. Great. Because there was like 60 people watching it.

On Zoom. Yeah, so if it had have just been us, they would have just probably given Grandma the iPad and fucking done it. Well, I think it's almost an industry within an industry now. There'd be so many events that you'd want to capture and be a part of. It's worth going, all right, well, how do we film this well? How can people enjoy this for what it is? Someone's getting married.

We want to see it. Yeah, and can you imagine? Because I've watched another wedding on Zoom and it was someone with a phone and it was like a bit gristly. A bit shit. Yeah, you couldn't really make out her dress. Did he cry? Yeah, he did.

He should because his wife is phenomenally hot. Yeah, but he cries all the time. Is he? He's a big crier. Really? He always put in a brave face around me. His whole family, they're just like a crying family. Oh, good.

And it was so funny. So a couple of days afterwards we were chatting to them on FaceTime, like they're on their honeymoon at the moment, we were catching up with them. And I was like, how was the reception? Was it amazing? And they're like, oh, it was such a great day. And Elena was like, oh, the speeches took forever because, as you know,

the perigos all cry. Oh, yeah. It was so funny. As you know, the perigos all cry. It was so funny. As you know, they're crying. Anyway, so it was really good. He's just reading out the menu, mate. Oh, I got the checker. The car park closes at 12.

Anyway, so we watched the ceremony. It was beautiful and, like, it was great. And then we're kind of emotional. We're watching it. We're getting into it. They said their own vows and they signed the thing and they had the kiss. It was a beautiful backdrop and everything. And then the live stream cuts out. As in like they turned it off or just cut? Yeah, like so all the stuff was done. They walked back down the aisle and it was off. And so you're like post game review, you know, in the football and they're like analyze the aisle and it was off. And so you're like. There's no post-game review, you know, on the football

when they like analyse the footage. And like so you're on this high of watching somebody get married. Of course. And you're feeling really like you're feeling like you're in the room, you're there, and then instead of getting handed a champagne by a waiter or. And you go, great, that bit's done, let's get to the reception. You guys are doing the photos, let's go and do food.

Let's throw the confetti. They fucking turned it off. And we're sitting on the couch. Just suck the passion in it. See ya. Yeah. Would you compare that to, you know when you're really into a TV show and you watch the season finale

and you have this really hollow, empty... Yeah, you're like, what do I do with my life now? Similar. Yeah, because we wanted to celebrate with them. Yeah. Like there's something so special about after you've been to a wedding that you get to give the bride a big kiss, give the groom a big smirk and have a big hug and like say how excited you are.

Those moments in between are the best part of a wedding. The actual whatever is like obviously beautiful, but you're right. It's like formality. It's when you go and give them a hug and how great. And you see how happy they look and like you smell the perfume they've decided to wear for their wedding day and like see that, you know, all of that stuff. You what, sorry?

No, but like. That was a. You know. You smell them. Like a wedding scent is like a thing. Yeah, no, you're telling the story. You don't smell someone on purpose, but you smell them when you give them a hug or whatever.

Sure. But like a wedding scent is like a thing. So it's like, oh, like there's just all this stuff going on and you get to catch up with people that maybe you haven't met before or you haven't seen in ages. So you're at Jason's house. It cuts out. Yeah.

And do you just look at each other and go, okay, I guess we'll call a cab? Well, that's what we were like, should we go home? And I think that they were kind of feeling a bit like put out. It's just kind of like you're about to fucking ejaculate and then they stopped. You got blue balled. Yeah. And it was really weird.

But anyway, we were kind of like, oh, what should we do now? Oh, didn't they look great? And then that was kind of it. And so Jase was like, oh. So Jase from Jason Lauren or Jason PJ, if you just listen, he goes, look, let's open another bottle of bubbles. And they've just had a baby so I had a snuggle with the baby and, you know, all of that stuff.

And we were just kind of catching up. And I was like, God, you really miss like the best bits of it. But now what I want to know, do we have to buy a gift? No. Because we didn't like get anything. We didn't even go there. Some people argue that the gift is almost to compensate for the fact that they might have spent $100 on your seat.

Oh, that's good. But like you said, oh, we've given them a gift, but we've gone to this beautiful place, we've had the three-course meal, free drinks, blah, blah, blah. So it's almost like a transaction. Yeah. I know that's a very unromantic way to look at it. But that's kind of how you're supposed to work out the money, right,

like of how much you spend? There's all these rules. Who knows? But I guess what I'm saying is you didn't go and have a lovely meal. I didn't get the benefits. You didn't get the benefits of it. In fact, quite the opposite. You had to take a day off work.

I did. You used an annual leave. I did use an annual leave. How much are they going to compensate you for that? That's a good point. You should be sending them an invoice. It's a really, because we obviously, you know, we love them. They're our closest friends.

But it's like, do we save the money so that we can go and see them later in the year when the borders are open? Knowing them, I don't know them that well. Yep. They're lovely people. Yeah. I'm sure they'd love to see you. They would have loved to seen you there.

Oh, they did say that a lot of times, which is lovely. If you said, hey, we're not going to send you a gift, but what we are going to do is use that money to fly ourselves over later in the year and we'll take you out for dinner and we'll see you. I reckon they'd be like, that's money well spent. What a great gift to us that you're going to fly yourself over for a weekend so I can have dinner with you, Jase, Lou,

the heir to the Toblerone fortune. We can all go out for dinner. And if it was me, I'd rather you spend the money on your flights, come over, we'll have a great weekend, than just like, oh, I've put some money in your account. It's weird, right? So what were you thinking though? I mean, it's easy for me to say I'm not in this situation. What are you going to do?

So they did a wishing well. So it was like, oh, we'd love money to contribute to, you know, buying a house or paying the honeymoon or whatever. That's an easy out because then you just put some money in and whatever, right? Yeah. So did you do it? Well, so the thing is is that they had like a wedding website

and it just was like, oh, here's our PayPal details. So at least like when you're there in person, you're, you know, you write a beautiful card. There's cash in the card. You put it in the box and everything. But we're just like, cool, I've just transferred you some money as if, like, we went to the cinema together and I owed him some cash. It's not quite the same feel, is it?

Yeah. It's very unromantic. And it just feels, yeah, it feels like there's no love in it. And, like, you kind of want to get them a gift, but people don't want fucking gifts anymore. I don't want stuff. Exactly. My house is full of shit that I don't use.

I'm not going to buy them a fucking Le Creuset pot that they've just got to deal with. Don't say that because I was given a Le Creuset pot and I have to deal with it. You have a Le Creuset? Oh, my God, I've got a Baccarat version. I don't have a Le Creuset. I don't actually know what we're talking about anymore.

But we got given, it's like a fancy gravy boat thing. Oh, no, that's not the same thing. What's a Le Creuset? A Le Creuset is like a Dutch oven, like the big pots. Don't say Dutch oven. That's not a real one. But that's what they're called. Oh, maybe we do have that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is- But they're like $700. What the fuck? They're really expensive. Okay, we definitely don't have that. But it's like a lovely wedding gift to give someone. We got given like a fancy cake knife. And you're like, what the fuck am I going to do with that?

Who the fuck's cooking? Yeah, I don't know what to do with this. Now I have to put it somewhere and it takes up space and I hate having things in my house. Keep you a crusade. And I get that that's like a traditional wedding gift, but people don't want that anymore. Tradition's a tradition.

Because traditionally, back in the day, it was like you bought them house stuff because they hadn't lived together. They're about to move in. It's like a housewarming. Yeah, they hadn't lived together before. So it's like, of course you buy the Sheridan towels or an Adair's gift voucher or whatever. But like, and then take the fact that they're in our fucking country.

So what are we going to do? Like give them a voucher to a store we've never been to before and don't know if they like it? Get them a voucher to a place down the road from your place. And be like, yeah, you'll have to come over and spend it. That's actually quite funny. And then they take the Le Creuset on the plane. All right, so when I lived in Bunbury, which is what,

two hours south of Perth? An hour and a half, two hours, yeah. I drove from Bunbury to Perth, caught a plane from Perth to Melbourne, then drove two hours from the Melbourne airport to Phillip Island to go to a wedding, and I was emceeing the wedding. So I hosted the reception and stuff. Yeah. These people, it was like old roommates.

Oh, that's nice. And they said, oh, mate. Do I know them? No, that was when I was in Mildura. Oh, wow. Doing breakfast up there for a year or so. And anyway, I lived in this big share house. They were lovely.

And they said, mate, it'd be an honour for you to host the wedding. And I thought, oh, it'd be an honour for me to do it. Yeah, I'd love to. Do you think me driving two hours to the airport, flying four hours across the country, then driving two hours from the airport, then hosting the event and all the weeks prep because I wrote some jokes about the bride and the groom and stuff and the best man and stuff, do I still need to give them a gift

or is all the travel and all the presenting and all of the preparation, is that the gift? Question. Sure. Did they pay for any of your travel or pay you for the night or give you a gift to say thank you for doing it or anything? No. And to be fair, I wouldn't have expected it.

No, no, no, no. But I'm just asking in this context. No, I don't think so. Or maybe an uncle bought me a beer or something. He was like, great, mate, let me get the next round. You did a great job yesterday. Yeah maybe an uncle like bought me a beer or something. He was like, great mate, let me get the next round. You did a great job yesterday. But there was nothing formal of that. No present. So I rock up and we're all staying in this house with the family and they're like, oh, you know, just chuck your presents over there and on the day we'll take them over and blah, blah, blah. And I said, oh, I just assumed that I've spent, you know,

a fair bit of cash to actually travel here. Yeah. Like I'm enjoying myself but I am also working on the night that I thought maybe that would count as my contribution. And the look on I think it was a cousin or an uncle's face was like, oh, okay. Like I was a freeloader. Like how dare I? And I felt horrible.

And you would. And I hadn't even really thought about a gift because I. Because you were doing all the stuff. And also I don't know if it's a bloke thing, but I just never forget it. I always forget about those things. I'm just like, oh, yeah, I'll turn up and then go, fuck. Yeah.

Fuck. Do I need to get a gift in that circumstance? Because I would argue if you went to turn up and then go, fuck, do I need to get a gift in that circumstance? Because I would argue if you went to New Zealand, you go, oh, we didn't get a gift. We spent $500 flying over here, mate. And if it was my wedding and you'd travel, I'd be like, your presence is present enough.

Yeah. As much as that's a cliché line. And people often put that on the bottom of the gift. Like, we don't expect gifts gifts but if you would like to contribute to our wishing well, that would be great or something. When Liam and Phil got married, we all went away for the weekend and actually I don't even know if we chipped in for the place that we stayed but it was very much we are not doing presents,

do not get us a present. Yep. You taking a weekend out of your life and coming and staying down here and travelling. And celebrating with us, yep. You couldn't give us anything else that we would love more than just having you there on the day. Yeah.

No, I don't think you have to get a present in that scenario and I'm fucked off that someone made you feel bad that you hadn't. So you didn't travel to Jag's wedding? Yeah, so we didn't travel there. So you should probably just sling some cash. Yeah, sorry, what was your BSB? Yeah, sorry, what was she, BSB? I can't believe that uncle made you feel bad, mate.

Did you end up buying him a gift? Nah. Good job. I wouldn't have either. Can I tell you one of the jokes? I was single at the time. Can I tell you one of the jokes? Oh, that you want to fuck a bridesmaid? Have I told you the joke?

As you know, I have pretty, like, crazy hair sometimes and then it was, like, a little bit higher and a bit crazier. It was very tall back then, yeah. And this is just the line. It's not, like, for lols. Oh, yeah, it's comedy, mate. So I introduced all the bridesmen and the bridesmaids and the groomsmen and I was like, oh, this is so-and-so.

She's a hairdresser and she's single and ready to mingle and everyone's like, woo! And I was like, well, I is so-and-so. She's a hairdresser and she's single and ready to mingle and everyone's like, woo. And I was like, well, I'm also single and clearly need a haircut so I'll be seeing you later on. That's very, that's the funniest thing you've ever said. How dare you? No, that's fucking funny. Is that a big laugh in the room?

Oh, it would. And fucking, there's nothing better than a good MC at a wedding. Can I tell you, though, a wedding crowd is an easy, it's a great crowd because everyone's in such a good mood and drinking champagne. And they've had a couple of champers straight to the head. So even a joke that's sort of okay, everyone's like, oh, what a wreck.

If you bomb at a wedding. You suck. You suck ass. You suck. Yeah. It's the easiest crowd. My you'll have to see it today is. Tony and I will be hosting a wedding in Philadelphia next year.

Yeah. Have we been invited to the reception, though? I'll be there. Okay. Well, if you've got a plus one, mate, do you mind slinging me in? Do we have to buy Paige a gift? Surely. Us travelling from Australia to Philadelphia to host the ceremony.

If Paige expects a gift, she can expect sweet F.A. from me. Oh, my God. Poor Paige. She's getting married. It won't be the worst thing. She expect sweet F.A. from me. Oh, my God. Poor Paige. She's getting married. It won't be the worst thing she's copping that day. Fucking hell. My Love To See It is an Instagram reel that I watched, and I was going to get the audio,

but it's probably just easier for me to explain it. The guy filming, he's holding the phone, walks over to this guy, and he's working hard on the street, and he kind of looks like he's doing it tough, like his clothes are, you know, a bit weathered and a bit dirty and stuff. Yep. The guy filming asks if he can have some money for the bus. He's like, oh bro, my car's broken down.

I just need some cash for the bus. And the guy that's working reaches into his pocket and pulls out two really crumpled like dollar bills. And you can kind of tell that that's like the last of his cash yeah and he says oh i don't have much money and i'm but i'm doing this because i would hope that someone would do the same for me and which is so sweet and then the guy filming goes oh that's really kind do you mean it you sure the guy goes yep like that's what i would want someone to do for me and then the guy filming goes oh what we're doing is actually giving 500 to the first person that says yes

so it was like a stunt. A bit of a test, yeah. And then the guy who's working is like, are you serious? And he hands him this, like, wad of cash. Crisp notes, never before folded. Just, like, lights up. Like, it's so, so special. And just so nice that people are doing something nice

when normally the videos you see online are, like, pranks. Yeah. They're like, oh, well, fuck you. Can I have money from the bus? No. Fuck you. pranks. Yeah. They're like, oh, well, fuck you. Can I have money from the bus? No, fuck you. Fuck off. Yeah, but I thought that was really sweet. I saw a video this week where there was a baby horse that got hurt

and was being taken to the horse hospital. Oh, the horse hospital, sorry. The horse hospital. Yeah. And its older sibling chased the ambulance to the horse. Okay, we're going to have to have a talk about hospitals. Tony's lost it at hospitals. And Riley, so that's the funniest thing you've ever said, mate.

But also the older sibling. The horse's sibling. Well, I don't know if it was a brother or a sister. I'm trying not to gender the horse. No, it's just the thought about, like, a mum and dad horse. What is wrong with you? I'm just imagining, like, four heists sitting around the table. It's like a mum and dad and then, like, two kids and then, like,

one of the horses is like, I've got to go to hospital and the sibling's like, no! Like... It's just like... Oh, are they in a stable condition? Have they been discharged from the hospital? Why you love to see it is this. No!

It must have been an emergency. The horse did it! What is wrong with you? What has happened? Oh, my God. If you're still listening, I apologise. Yeah. But the horse-pital.

I mean... Your humour today has been foul. That's chickens, you fuckhead. Excuse me? Isn't chickens foul? Just Google that, would you, mate? Do you mean foul? What did I say?

What's the difference between what did I say? You did I say? Foul. What's the difference between what did I say? You said foul, like chicken is foul, but the horse is foul. Foul and foul is the same thing. No. How is foul and foul different? Foul. Yeah. You're saying foul.

You're saying the same word back at me. No, I'm not. Fucking hell, that is hilarious. Okay, happy Wednesday. See you tomorrow. The hospital. Fucking hell. All right, see you tomorrow.

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