Toni and Ryan - Shuck 'N' Suck

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Confessions (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) and Toni at the airport. Yep, me again. Love u! Toni xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We're about to call Rachel, who's in France. She's a- Rachel. She's a freelancer or a France lancer, as we'll call her. Rachel is a freelance- a France lance, equestrian rider.

I have no- Isn't lancing on the horse the thing that they do? So, maybe that's just her style. What kind of style? I'm a freelance. I'm lancing all over the place. She goes, fuck, I got this freelance. Hopefully, she's not lancing someone up right now.

Lancing in Franson. Hello. Rachel. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Hey, I'm great. How are you guys? Can you just confirm for us, what does it mean to be a freelance equestrian rider?

Yeah. So, I ride horses, like, for myself. I have my own horse. And then I'm primarily a teacher. So, I teach people. I give people lessons. And then I ride horses as well. And I do that freelance now.

That is so cool. That is cool. Do you get a lot of people, like, doing a- Yeah, it's a little bit different. Like, a sunset horse ride in France, I imagine, is, like, the perfect place to, like perfect place to like do a travel proposal or something. Like do you do a lot of that kind of thing? Yeah.

So not anymore, not since I'm freelance, but once a few years ago when I was working in a riding centre, it was really cute. We had a couple that came along and then the boyfriend said, I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. And it was super cute. He got off halfway through and proposed. But that's the closest I've gotten to that. But that was really cool.

Sorry, I just need to correct Tony. Sorry. That is beautiful, Rachel. I think she meant he got off the horse. Not got off. Well, don't say he got off the horse. But yeah, got off, dismounted the horse, proposed. Well, Rachel, would you get off your horse and approve this podcast?

Absolutely. Go for it. Hi, it's Rachel from France, and I approve this podcast. A few weeks ago, a new Tony Lodge was born. Did you get a Uber to the airport? No. Did you catch a bus?

No. That would have been a new Tony. Yeah. Did you get dropped off? Taxi? No. What'd you do? Drive myself to the airport? No. Did you catch a bus? No. That would have been a new Tony. Yeah. Did you get dropped off? Taxi? No. What'd you do? Drive myself to the airport. Yeah.

And we are off to Auckland this weekend. Kia ora. To say kia ora to a few Kiwi tapas in Auckland. They don't like that. They won't let you in. Yeah, okay. But we're just going for the weekend this weekend. And I just, it wouldn't be me if there wasn't airport drama.

Are you pre-empting the drama, or have you learnt lessons from driving last time? Where are we at? Maybe a few lessons, but I think that I also have some concerns that I need some advice on. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

We'll get to that soon. But first, these are top confessions. Forgive me, Tapa, Tony and Ryan podcast, for I have sinned. This confession is called, It cost me $5 not to be accused of being a racist. Like, to be fair, it's probably money well spent. Yeah. Anonymous says, I was at an ATM and I saw Sandra Oh.

Do you like Sandra Oh? Yeah, I love Killing Eve. Have you watched that show? I haven't, but... What a shame. She also co-hosted The Somethings with your mate Andy Sandberg, and that's why I love her. She also literally has looked the exact same

since she started on um yeah and like she so killing eve it's a really good show you should watch it yeah um and she looks exactly the same as she does in the bit like she just has not aged even better than paul rudd like she just well that looks incredible yeah i would recognize that amazing head of hair anywhere. She does have beautiful, thick curly hair. And like Tony, I'm a Killing Eve fan. So I was freaking out when I saw her in my neighborhood. I took the money out and I made my plans.

They've got their- What? Nothing. Got something to say, mate? No. I made a plan as I left the ATM. I'll casually walk past and go, oh, Sandra. Ask for a selfie and then wish her a pleasant day.

Sure. I walk up and I'm about to say, oh, so sorry to interrupt. And then she turns around and I realise it's not Sandra. It's not Sandra. Different beautiful head of hair. Yep. Time slowed down. Because I'd already gone, oh, excuse me.

Yeah. And I'm in the space of probably two seconds, managed to convince myself that if I told the truth and said, sorry, I thought you were Sandra Oh, she'd be like, oh, classic. Some white guy just mistaking one Asian woman for another. How fucking original. Yeah. So, I panicked.

And because we were both at the bank, I said, oh, I think you dropped this and just gave her a $5 note. But, like, he didn't pick it up off the ground. He's like, oh, this must be yours. And then the not Sandra Oh looks at the note. Sandra No. Then Sandra No goes, like, and clearly knows that she, like, hasn't dropped a $5 note and just goes, thank you.

And then the guy's like, you're welcome. Did she take the money? Yeah. What? Yeah. So she's a scammer. She knows what she's doing. Hanging around ATMs.

Sandra No again. Because if someone said to you like oh You dropped this candy cane and you go Well I didn't have a candy cane you're not Gonna go oh thanks you're gonna go that's not my Candy cane well not Sandra no Yeah apparently not she's been running This scam for a while she's not saying

Sandra no to five bucks you know what I'm saying I love that this guy was like oh my god Sandra oh he's in like middle America He's in Iceland. He's like, that's it. You wouldn't believe it. You bank here as well. Yeah.

Oh, my God. The B-O-Q. I then ran away and cried the whole way home. Oh. Yeah, five bucks. Because he lives. Cost of living, bro. These days.

In this economy. Oh, my God. Can't be giving money away. Shout out to Sandra Oh. Oh, huge shout out to Sandra Oh. She is fucking great. She's great. She's really good.

This is a confession from lying in a job interview, which I was telling you about yesterday. Uh-huh. Now, there's a few bits here that'll annoy Tony, and it's not the main part of the confession. Okay. You'll know it when you hear it. Probably. That's not the main part of the confession. Okay.

You'll know it when you hear it. Probably. I lied about crashing a car in a job interview and I totally got away with it. The company I was applying for flew me out to the interview, put me up in a swanky hotel, got me a really nice hire car. However, the hotel was in the middle of the city and they didn't have any parking. Okay. Oh, my God.

I was going to take a sip of tea and let you just sit on it. Actually, how do hotel... Where do hotels get off? No, but actually, how do they not have parking? Like, an underground thing or whatever. I've worked in two hotels in the CBD of Melbourne. Yep. The first one had parking, but it was like once the parking was full. Yeah, like you only had 15 spots or something.

Yep, and then they're gone. But how many rooms do you have? Well, that one had like 700. You know. And then this other hotel just had no parks. And every weekend I'd work, then people come in and go, oh, so where's the parking? And I go, oh, there's a Wilson's down the end of the street.

Yeah. And I don't even know if it was wilson's down the end of the street yeah and i don't even know if it was a wilson's down the end of the street it's a safe bet i reckon yeah actually fair i reckon it is a safe bet but that's very funny that's comedy for me i don't know if there's a wilson's down there no it's just because on on day one the boss goes yep and if people ask about parking, there is one down. And I just like took their word for it. I'm not saying they're a liar. I'm not saying I was wrong.

I'm just, I just, I don't know. I get it. That there is one. And then it wasn't until like I'd worked there for a year. And then someone goes, oh, is it the one next to the place with the red sign? And I went, and it just occurred to me a year later. I'm like, I don't actually know. Because I've never been there in my life.

You go, yep. Yep. Sounds good, bro. It is next to me a year later, I'm like, I don't actually know because I've never been there in my life. You go, yep. Yep. Sounds good, bro. It is next to that red thing. So, Tony would have just, you just go, here's the keys to the car and there's parking in the area and you go, I'd like to decline this role. I actually, when I moved to Melbourne for my job with Jason PJ, they put me up in a hotel for like a week before the lease was starting on the house that I had. Anyway, and I get to the hotel and because I drove from Melbourne to Sydney, Sydney to Melbourne, sorry.

I got here and I get to the hotel and I'm like, yeah, cool. So, like, where can I park my car? And they're like, oh, no, we don't have any parking available. And I was like, what am I going to do with my car for a week? Did you just drive back to Sydney? Well, I was like, oh, what am I going to do with my car for a week? Did you just drive back to Sydney? Well, I was like, oh, what am I going to do? And they were like, I don't know. Like, there just didn't even, there wasn't a Wilson's.

There was, like, no solution. So, what did you do? I literally had to just, like, keep moving my car every two hours for a whole week. Like, it was the worst week and I had zero money. Like, I couldn't afford to get a parking fine. Like, I couldn't afford to get a parking fine. Like, I could not afford to get a parking fine. So, you'd set your phone alarm and then two hours later, in the middle of the night, it's going to move down around the corner.

Yep. I know. Ridiculous. And then- That sounds like having a baby. And I did. Every two hours. My little baby Yara's outside.

But every- And while I was at work. So so then I get to work and I'm like, oh, can I just leave my car in my car park at Kiss? And they go, do you have a car park in your contract? And I was like, oh. No. Nah. And they go, well then, no. Yeah.

So, like, I couldn't even just leave my car at work for a week. It was like ridiculous. It was that before you stole that other girl's spot and she got sacked? Yeah, it was. That's not why she got sacked. But anyway. Tough break. There was a brouhaha and Tony threw her weight around and got someone else's car.

I didn't throw my weight around. It's fine. Do you know who I am? I'm the audio producer of Jason PJ. Oh, how embarrassing. That did not occur. That did not happen. Anyway.

Because I was looking at my phone and trying to find a parking garage I, like a fuckhead, drove straight into a concrete pillar Well, you shouldn't be using your phone and driving at the same time Well, how are you going to find a garage in a foreign city? Pull over Okay And then what? Pull over and find the thing and then you can continue to drive But then you don't know where

Because you've got to, like, follow the map around Pull over, find the map around. Pull over, find the thing and put it into the maps. You deserve to have crashed into that pillar. You're using your phone while you're driving. You're a fuckhead. That's what I've always said. I was mortified.

I wanted this job so badly and I was afraid that they were not going to offer it to me because they know what happened and going to have to pay for the damages. So, the next morning when I explained in the job interview...'ll go by the way just let you know someone drove into my parked car into the front of it somehow um i'm a really good reverse parker she said i parked on the street and overnight someone's crashed into the front of it and they must have driven off and done a hit and run. Yeah. And they went, oh, fuck, that's really fucked up. Sorry that you had to deal with that. And then she got the job and she's never told them.

I mean. You're off her anyway. I'm off it because I don't like when people use their phone in the car. It's so dangerous. I mean, what's worse could happen? Someone dies. someone out of nowhere dressed as a concrete pillar jumps in front of you jumps in front of you yeah that just leapt out at your mum um i oh i also just think like i'm just trying to think if i was hiring someone

and then they said the lot like they said the lie and then I found out later that they'd lied. I'd be like, what? Like, that's so much worse. Wouldn't you just be like, look, I was a bit stressed because the whole- Like, I'm not a good liar. But what would you have said? Because you would stress, though, about, like- I would tell them. I'd be like, look, I'm so-

Like, I was a bit stressed. There was no parking at the hotel. I crashed the car. Like, obviously, I'll pay for everything. I'll take out a fucking credit card if I have to. Yeah. Like, and I'd be like, yep, I'll take care of it. I'm so, so sorry.

I really want this job, though. And they would give it to you, if you were honest, I think. There's this, I think there's this thing in politics where it's like, often the cover-up is- Here we go. No, but like, the cover-up is worse than the actual thing. Yeah. Because like you said, once you get caught lying, then you go, well, fucking what's this guy's deal?

Well, and you go, well, what else have they lied about? Did they really go to Stanford Business School? Is that a thing? It might be. Cam, can you? Can someone Google that? What's the Stanford Business School called? If it's called Stanford Business School, I'll be so pissed off.

Oh, yeah. Stanford Graduate School of Business. Oh, I should have gone Harvard Business School because that's a real thing. Yeah. Fuck. I mean, Graduate School. If you said I studied business at Stanford, people would go, okay. Yeah, but so you can tell that I'm lying.

I did not go to Stanford Business School. Yeah, you are a bad liar. You are a bad liar. I've seen it again firsthand. Hey, this is Rachel from France and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Emma Welch. Good on you, Emma.

Welchy. Welchy. I just, whenever I see Emma's name, I think of the sound effect like squelch, like stepping into mud or something. Yeah. Is Emma like one of the OGs? I feel like her name. We're back at the top of this.

Yeah. Shorten McDermott, another OG. The Big Deal, Jade Dillingham. Tyler Galley, down in the galley. Yep. Melissa Heason, Ika, and Chris Tapuola. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. Thanks, Chris.

Appreciate it. Absolutely love to see it. This Saturday, 10am, Brito Mart in Auckland. Woohoo! We'll be in New Zealand because we are obviously sounding so healthy and fresh compared to last time. Yep. We're getting it out of the way.

Yeah. We'll be fighting fit this weekend. We are. Don't you worry about that. And I'm going to take Tony to my new favourite place, which is because of the name. You're Dirk. Sorry.

Can you repeat that for the record, please? Check the time out. No, can you say that again? You're D-O-C. You know, in that movie, Papa piece of my D-O-C. It's poor, right? I don't know. What movie is that?

Wanderlust. Wanderlust. Yeah. Seen Wanderlust? Fuck, what movie? He's everywhere, mate. Is Wanderlust the one with Val Kilmer about the porn star? No.

Different Wanderlust, I guess. What's the movie about Johnny Holmes? I don't know. You're telling the story, mate. Boogie Nights? No, that's Louise Guzman. He is in Boogie Nights. Johnny Holmes movie.

I hope fucking Paul Rudd's in there Wonderland Wonderland, there you go Isn't the movie where It is close Isn't the movie where Paul Rudd says Papa, piece of my dick Isn't that actually like

This is 40 or whatever? No, it's Wanderlust Because he's getting psyched up to have sex With someone in the hippie camp Oh, I thought it was when he was like Trying to go like Yeah, my wife's going to up to have sex with someone in the hippie camp. Oh, I thought it was when he was, like, trying to go, like, yeah, my wife's going to want to have sex with me. Anyway, he really doesn't know how. Maybe he rolled it out twice.

He's been in so many movies. There's only so many phrases in the English language. Exactly. Exactly right. Anyway, are you going to take me to your favourite place? Fuck, I totally forgot what we were talking about. Yep. Oh, Shaka Brothers.

Oh, the oyster place. Yeah. And so that I can go Shaka Shaka I'll do that for you Thank you We might get a free oyster

Just one Nah mate You can't have one oyster Because once you've tasted A Shaka Brother oyster You will want more Once you shak You can't stack

I'm gonna give you a shak And then I'm gonna take you home For a Oh Shak and suck The perfect afternoon That actually sounds great I'm going to give you a shuck and then I'm going to take you home for a... Oh, shuck and suck. The perfect afternoon. That actually sounds great, doesn't it? That actually is my perfect afternoon.

Imagine if you had... Like, I've never heard an afternoon better than that. Imagine you've had, like, half a dozen oysters, like, some champagne or something. And a groaning. They do have champagne there. And they probably got, like, you know, this is what I'm imagining that they would have, like, a side of fries that have, likeuffle and parmesan like shaved over the top and like a really garlicky aioli. And then I go home and I suck your dick.

That's pretty good. So that is pretty good. All the blood's gone somewhere else. You can't use your brain anymore. No, my brain went, oh, because I'm supposedly low FODMAP, I can't have the garlic ale. What a way to ruin an afternoon. You can't suck my dick, I've got a shit.

I'm not supposed to have garlic and onion. Anyway. Don't fucking keep talking. What are you going to say? When we go to Shaka Brothers, are you like an Oysters Kilpatrick or an Oysters Mornay or a Natural? I like a Mornay. Yeah.

But I love a Kilpatrick. I like a Natural as well. I'd say probably Kilpatrick, then Monet, then- I think what we had last time was it's like in the natural category, but it kind of has like that little vinaigrette kind of- Well, that's what they normally put the something on it. With a spoon and just like a little- Yeah.

Just for a little bit of acidity. Have we? All of us are sounding really not- We've changed, man. Very relatable. Yeah. I mean, everyone's had a noise start. Yeah.

I just went like, oh, Kilpatrick. I remember my mum once. This is a rarity just because the Shaka brothers. Yeah, because we're going- We don't shuck and suck every weekend. No, and we can't. No. But we're going to New Zealand and we were supposed to shuck and suck a few weeks ago.

I had COVID. Now we're going back. But anyway- I actually can't think about anything else than shucking and sucking right now. All right. Well, while you're shucking and sucking in your brain over there, allow me to indulge myself in my parking dilemma. Can we call today's episode?

Shuck and suck. Thank you. Yeah. We got there. Anyway, so we were talking before about how last week we were in Sydney, the week before, and I drove myself to the airport. Wild. Actually pretty wild.

I get very stressed about parking. I get very stressed about lots of things. But the airport for me, I'm just like, oh, as low stress as I can make an airport experience as possible, the better. And I have gotten a lot better than when we first started flying for work because I used to, like most people, I never flew for work in my life. And so, I would only fly if I was like going on holiday or had to go to like a funeral or something. So, like once a year, if that? If that.

Yeah. And so, I wasn't very well versed in like how to get through the airport, around the airport. And now I'm a lot better. So, I thought we'll take it to the next level and I'll drive to the airport because parking there for three days or whatever was going to be cheaper than getting like an Uber there and an Uber home like to Richmond from the airport. Yep.

The Melbourne airport is not near the city at all. No, it's not. It's really far. It's like, and it's quite hard to get to as well. Anyway, so we're going to Auckland this weekend. I'm trying to decide whether I should drive to the airport again. Do it. I'll be driving.

Yeah. I'll be driving. I'll be driving. Yeah. I'll be driving. You'll be driving. It's a bit harder for you to get like an Uber from your house though, isn't it? Living out in the burbs. In the sticks. Can't rely on an Uber.

And then getting Bridget to drop me off with the baby, it's like. Oh, yeah, nah. So. When do you get to the Uber? I've got a couple of pros and cons here. So, one of the pros that I thought about driving to the airport was that I get to leave home at any time. Any time you like.

You know, I'm not waiting for a car or whatever. Yep. But I guess the con is that I can leave at any time. Yeah. So, I got nervous and left a fair amount earlier than I probably needed to last week. And ironically, the earlier you left was closer to peak hour. So, our flight was at like 8pm or 7.30 or something. And so, I probably didn't need to leave the house until, you know,

six, quarter past six or something. I ended up leaving the house at 5.20 and it took me about an hour and a half to get to the airport. Instead of the 30 minutes it probably would have taken me if I'd left at like 6 o'clock. I know this makes no sense. I know it makes no sense. But when you got there, I said if you had left an hour later, you would have got here earlier. I know that makes no sense. But actually, it felt like that. Not get there earlier, but take less time. But it just, like, I don't

really understand traffic. Like, just keep driving. Like, the science of traffic, I'm like, just keep going. If the first car just kept going, we wouldn't have this problem because everyone would just keep going. You know there's red lights, right? Not on the freeway. And then, you know, getting on the freeway,

there's, like, three cars and it has to merge into one. Yeah. What if they all kept going? Yeah, okay. Not on the freeway. And then you're getting on the freeway. There's like three cars and has to merge into one. Yeah. What if they all kept going? Yeah. Okay. And then the on-ramp has the traffic lights before you get on it. If everyone kept going, then you would. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you get the science of traffic now? I do get it. But do you know what I mean? Like, just keep going. Anyway.

You don't get it? Yeah. Yeah. You get it. I tell you what does annoy me when it slows down on the highway because there's like a crash and then you kind of get to the crash and you slow down and you have a look and you go, fuck, what's he done there?

Do you reckon he's gone into hell? Oh, yeah, that's looked bad. And then you speed up and then you go. Everyone's doing that. Yeah, and that's why it stopped. It's not because of the crash. It's because of assholes like me looking at the crash. Rubbernecking and like seeing what's going on.

Because you don't get to the thing and it stops. There's no red light. No. And then you go, oh, I've been waiting for half an hour. Rubber necking and like seeing what's going on. Because you don't get to the thing and it stops. There's no red light. No. And then you go, oh, I've been waiting for half an hour on the highway so I could also have a look. So, that everyone could go, oh, yeah, have a gaze. But also, then three lines of traffic are trying to like merge over and stuff. Just keep going.

Yeah. But just keep going. Just keep going. Through the crash. Just keep driving through. Another pro that I came up with was that I could listen to music in the car. Like, I could listen to whatever I wanted. Yeah.

So, I'm like, oh, maybe driving myself not so bad. Con, probably could have listened to music or whatever I wanted anyway because AirPods are a thing. Yeah. So, like, a taxi driver's not going to talk to me for the whole time. No. I probably could have just- You're at the cinema playing and listening to music. Yeah.

And someone else is driving me, not like taking up my ears. So, I could have probably still listened to whatever I wanted. Do you get stressed when you're in traffic? Only if I'm like running like late. Is it different for you? If I'm in traffic and I'm not driving, I can feel a bit like claustrophobic. It's like I'm stuck in the car, I'm stuck in the traffic. But for some reason, if I'm in the driver's seat, I feel like there's a little bit more

of control and I feel a bit less claustrophobic. Not completely not, but a bit less. So, sometimes me being in the driver's seat makes me feel a little bit better. Do you have that or the same, same? Nah, if I've got nowhere to be, traffic doesn't bother me at all. I'm like, it's longer that I'm sitting here and in the air con and like the music's on. Sitting in a sick outie. Yeah, like traffic doesn't bother me at all.

Like I actually, of all the things about me, traffic actually doesn't stress me out unless I know I've got to be somewhere. Yeah. But even then, I'm always running so early that it's almost like a scientific impossibility that I could be late. Yeah. So so you got there what two hours before the flight it's domestic and we had no checked baggage so it's just carry on so you and then you said to me like oh i was in traffic but i realized if i missed the flight then we could just get another one i was like you're here two hours early but in my mind when normally if i was like stuck in traffic or something, I'd be like, oh, my God.

I was like, I can't control this. I'm in traffic. It's not as if I've pulled over the side of the road and I'm doing nothing. I'm doing everything that I can. You just do the crossword. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I actually ended up getting to the airport.

I was about to say hospital. I ended up getting to the airport at, like, 6.30 and our flight was, like, 7.30, which is pretty crazy for me. Is it? An hour, yeah. Because normally I would be there two hours before. Yeah, it was boarding at 7.30, leaving at 8, just for those playing along. But that's when you have to be ready.

Be ready at 7.29. Another pro that I came up with, just like got in the car, leave straight away after the flight, drive myself home. That is, there's nothing better. Yeah. Trying to get a taxi when you're at the airport. And you just want to get home. And now there's, like, a turf war between Uber and taxi.

Oh, yeah. And they're, like- and then there's the people at the sign at the front, and they're, like, where are you going? Where are you going? You need a lift? You need a lift? And they're, like, trying to hustle you. Yeah.

I don't like that. Or even, like, when there's the people, like, shepherding the line in the taxi rank. Yeah. And they send you down to the number right at the end, but then send other people to the numbers at the front. And I'm like, hey, so, I'm waiting longer than the people that were behind me. It's bullshit. It's so ridiculous. It's bullshit.

But the con is that I was pretty knackered and didn't really, like, feel like driving myself home. And, like, probably could have- Is your Audi self-driving? But I probably could have just, like, gotten into a taxi. And fallen asleep? Yeah. Yeah. And pro, that's actually about it.

Con, though, didn't have any fuel in my car, so I had to turn off the air con on the way to the airport. Is that a thing? I don't know. Read it online, like, 10 years ago, and I don't know if it's real or not. I once put my automatic car into neutral going down a hill thinking I would save petrol. Well, I mean, you do what you got to do in a tight situation. But literally got in my car to go to the airport, got on the freeway, my fuel light came on

and I was like, fuck, I can't get off the free- That would stress me more than missing the flight. Yeah. Being in traffic with low fuel. So, I turn my air- Why don't highways have petrol stations? I actually don't know. I mean, the big ones, like, if you're going to, like, down the Hume Highway.

What do you mean, in the city? I don't know. It's so silly. Where am I supposed to- Like, we're all driving cars that need fuel. Yeah. Where to fuel at? But, yeah, and so, I didn't have any fuel, which is rare for me.

Very rare. And then- Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. What's your definition of no fuel? No, there was, like, when I parked at the airport, I had 5Ks left on my- Holy fuck. Who are you? I know.

Like, the light- Do you mean 5Ks until the light came on? No, 5Ks left in my tank. Fuck. I'm not even, I know. So, did you have to go to that one with the Maccas? Yeah. So, then after I got off the plane, I'm like, oh, great, I can go straight home.

But then I had to pull over and get fuel. Pros. There are literally no more pros, but I can't. I had to travel with my keys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, then the whole time I was away, I was like, oh, my keys are in my bag, even though they didn't leave the hotel room.

Like, they were in my bag the whole time. Yeah, that's a con. Yeah. So, I think I will drive to the airport, though, because I'm feeling funky fresh. Funky. We sound funky fresh. Yes. We sound funky fresh.

Yeah, that's true. You remember to bring your keys back from Sydney. Did you remember to bring my laptop charger? Okay, that was not my responsibility. No, I'm just asking. In what world is your laptop charger my responsibility? I'm just asking if you brought it home. Well, I didn't.

Not because I don't love you, just because you didn't remind me that I needed to remind you. Last week, we were doing the telly movie in Patreon and we watched Crazy Rich Asians. And it was like Saturday morning, like 6am or something. We'd like woken up really early to do it. I was like, where's my laptop? Anyway, so whilst everyone was enjoying the movie, I think the real thrill was how long will Ryan's... Can you watch a movie with 15% battery on your laptop?

Turns out, yes. That movie goes for like two hours as well. So, here's what I found. Not a charger, but like a... You know that thing that you'd plug in and then you'd plug in a USB and everything else to it? Like a hub thing. Yeah. So, I found a hub and then I found this other thing to plug in and then you'd plug in a USB and everything else to it. Like a hub thing. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I found a hub and then I found this other thing to plug in. So, I wouldn't charge it, but it slowed the rate in which it- Oh, so it wasn't powerful enough to like add juice back in. No, but it slowed it down. Well, that's good. Yeah. Science, mate.

Oh, good on you. Thank you. A lot of traffic. Just keep driving. Just keep driving. Just keep driving. Can we do a segment um next week yep based on you know how i was like five shows a week mate you know how i was like i know it's

not true but i think it's true about the leaving an hour later and getting there earlier yeah i think i've got a few other things that i know are factually not correct but they still work out but i think they're true yep i love that Yes, we can do that next week. Great, great, great. I've got to love to see it here. Someone posted a YouTube comment that they received nine years ago. Ooh. And it says, I hate maths.

It's just too confusing. Yeah. It really is. And then four days ago, someone replied to this nine-year-old comment. It's been nine years. I hope you're doing great in life now. And the original commenter replied again and said, it couldn't be going worse, Keith.

I thought you were going to go, I'm a math teacher now. It actually couldn't be going worse. So isn't that lovely? The YouTube comment section bringing people together. It's like an anti-love to see it. That's okay. No, I love to see the honesty. I love to see the honesty.

My love to see it is from Alice Morton. Hi, Alice. Morts has started the fucking blog. Big Morts. Morts and all. After three years of planning of how to get out of the customer service sinkhole, I think she's in a job where she's like, there's not really any promotions. I can't really go further up. Like, this is kind of it. I'm kind of stuck here. I don't know what to do. I've officially started my own business.

Now, this town, it kind of looks like Mass Cocker. I'm guessing that's not how you pronounce it. I'm going to text it to you, Tony. You tell me, and Cam, you tell me how to pronounce this town. Because it looks like Mass Cocker. Moose Cocker. Moosaka? Mass Cocker.

Moosh Cocker. Maybe. Yeah. Moosh Cocker. Mass Cocker. Well, it's a U. It's not an A at the beginning. Moosh Cocker.

M-U-S. Mooshkoka. M-U-S. Mouskoka. M-U-S-K-O-K-A. I've started my own business. It's called Mouskoka Neat and Tidy, and it is my very own cleaning slash organisation business. You'll have to see that. Mouskoka Neat and Tidy sounds like a pubic hair.

Like, keep your mouskok fucking neat. I'll let you know that they do cleaning and organisation, which I'm actually in the market for. So, I don't, like, Lord knows. If only you lived in Maskocker. Lord knows I'm not a Maskocker. But if I was, I'd be hiring more. Because what they do is, like, my pantry is, like, kind of messy.

Oh, yeah. And they come in and they, like, get the jars and the tubs and the labellers. And, like, oh, I'd be more. It's like, what was that girl's name that did the Netflix show? Marie. Marie Kondo. Yep. They're kind of Marie Kondo, but you're like your cupboards

and your kitchen stuff. So you get it all. And I'm like in the market for one of them because our like butler's pantry thing. Ooh. It's because they want it. Yeah. Why don't you get your butler to do it?

You've got to hire more help, mate. You'll have to extend that help wing at your house. Were you joking about the help wing the other day? We actually don't have a help wing, but Tony and Ply, they lived under the floorboards. Yeah, it was on the livestream, I think. Anyway. But there's no door to the butler's pantry. It's just kind of like...

Oh, send it back. I'm so sorry. How does your butler have any privacy if he doesn't have a door? Fuck, it's horrible. It's essentially just like... I'm actually just really sorry, mate. Do you need an oyster to calm down? The only thing that'll make me feel better about this

is some Mornay shuck and fuck. Sucks. Fuck. Sorry, everyone. Sucks. Fuck. Sorry, everyone. Good on you, Mort. It's on the business. That's awesome. Because the butler's pantry doesn't have a door. Don't bring it up.

Stop bringing it up. It means you can see it and it's a mess. So it needs to be organised. He needs to clean his toys. That's what I'm hearing, the butler. Alice Morton, I don't know where Mass Cocker is, but if it's near research, fucking come on down. I'll be your first customer. And go follow Mass Cocker Neat and Tidy on Facebook.

If you can figure out how to spell it. Yeah, and be real. Be real careful what you're Googling there. You know what I'm saying? Thank you so much for listening today. We'll be back tomorrow. Yeah. We'll be feeling better.

Deal? Woo! Fit and fresh. Woo! Love you. Bye. you so much for listening today um we'll be back tomorrow yeah we'll be feeling better deal fit and fresh