Toni and Ryan - Signs Of A Midlife Crisis

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

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Hello, welcome to the Tony Ryan podcast, the best podcast on earth. People are saying, I'm Tony, this is Ryan. The Cowboys of the Inner North. I've recently heard. Love you so much. Love you too. Literally love you. And we never start an episode that's a bit sweaty. We never start an episode of the podcast without a tap of people.

Rachel's approving from Nutter Wadding this morning. Rachel, you didn't say that, but Tony just rubbed my forehead. Yeah, I thought it was going to be sweet, but it was damp. Now, this is the Melbourne equivalent of a hot California girl, I reckon. Rachel, what have you been doing this morning? I've been at work. And what do you do?

I'm a Pilates instructor. Yeah. I think that that transcends Melbourne. I think that you're a hot person. Globally. No matter where you're doing Pilates, you're a hottie. I'm just a Pilates instructor, whatever. Yeah, a Pilates instructor.

So does that mean that if you've got classes back to back, you've done all the classes? No, God no. I just do a lot of steps. Oh, cause you're just like walking around and like helping people. Yeah, pretty much. So I do like a couple of reps, but not that many.

Oh, so I'm like, if you're on the machine as well, or you're doing it at the front or whatever, I'm like, you're doing the class like a couple of reps, but not that many. Oh, so I'm like, if you're on the machine as well, or you're doing it at the front or whatever, I'm like, you're doing the class like a heap of times in a row. Yeah, no, Rach has got to check it out. Yeah, no. No, that's not. No.

I think that person needs help down the back. Let me just go check on them. Yeah, I better go check on them. Yeah, okay. Do you wear one of those microphones? I do. I was actually playing a Britney song in my class earlier and I was like, oh, iconic.

I'm wearing my Britney mic. Classic, yeah, the Britney, the Madonna. I love it. mic. Classic yeah the the Britney the Madonna I love it yeah. That's so good well um I approve of that Rachel you approve of today's show? Of course I do. Yeah we better go sing at a Pilates class. Yeah. Hi it's Rachel from Melbourne Victoria and I approve this podcast. It's a great day to have a great day. Always is. Before we start today's show, here's the thing. Yeah. Seasonal depression is a real thing, right? Absolutely. And I feel, now maybe it's just me, don't wanna speak for the team. Yep.

But since we've returned from the US and Canada, which was in like deep spring heading into summer. It was like beautiful clear days. Is it fair to say after three or four days of cold mornings, we're starting to feel the depression. And why I say that is because I listened to Nickelback on the way to work and I thought, well my morning can't get any more, like there's no more depressing than that. And then Tony- What's depressing about listening to Nickelback?

And then Tony comes in and goes, I'm thinking of stewing pears because my breakfast is so boring and I thought, wow, at least I'm not the most rock bottom of the team. That's not rock bottom, is it? Stewing fruit, fuck this. When you say I need some more excitement in my life, I know what will bring excitement. I'm thinking of stewing fruit. I can't believe that you think

that listening to Nickelback's depressing. That's set me right. But I think that like a little fun breakfast, I'm just a little bit bored of what I'm having. Like I'm just having like instant porridge. I'm just trying to mix it up a little bit. But I think if, for me it's the, I'm not against stewing fruits.

Oh, you were. No. You were loudly against stewing fruit. Actually, no, that is fair. I am against stewing fruits. Fine, I am against it. But I think if stewing fruits is your like, way to make something exciting,

like your baseline's pretty low. That's fair. Is that fair? I think plungeding fruits is your way to make something exciting, like your baseline's pretty low. Is that fair yet? I've been plunged into early darkness. Yeah. It's yesterday, it got dark at 5.30 PM. Like what the fuck is going on? That's too early. It's too early.

It's too early. Now, we're about to talk about midlife crises. Crises. We've just talked about spiralling into depression and stuff like that's not going to help me. But I guess my question is... Sorry, crises. Are we... Crises averted.

Are we transitioning into talking about midlife crises or is what we've been doing already, you know what I mean? I don't think of the students that bad. I know, I want this to be in the fun way, but like if and when your midlife crisis comes, what like, how will we know? Like what would your purchase be? Cause I already know what mine is.

Oh, do you really? I don't know. I already buy so much useless shit. Tony's midlife crisis must be from age 15. It already started. I don't know what mine would be. What's yours? I really like, and I'm not a car guy.

Sure. But you know those like really old classic convertible Porsches that look like they were only made to be driven on a Sunday on like a cliff near the ocean. Yeah, I do. Those ones. Yeah. So if I ever go this, like call the doctor because I'm- But why is doctor?

Who's doctor? Doctor. Yeah. Doctor is what you say when you wanted to say doc, didn't commit and then couldn't be bothered saying the whole word doctor. You okay? I think I'm going to buy a Porsche today. Do you need some studefruit?

No. Keep me regular. All that fiber. Think about that. No, I'm too regular already. That's true. I'm so regular. You need to put studefruit up your butt. What?

Like instead of eating it, you know what I mean? Go the other way. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Try and track it. But I don't know, though, that that what I mean? Go the other way. Yeah. OK. Yeah, yeah. Train, truck it. But I don't know, though, that that what I don't really understand the midlife crisis like buying a car thing. How is that a crisis? That's awesome. You get a new car.

That's sick. That's what they say. No, but I don't really understand why that is a bad thing. Oh, I think it's more like. Life slipping away. I've got to do something drastic. Yeah, sure. Mine might be a facelift. I'll get the Christiana, thank you.

Just one of those. Oh, hasn't she done well? It looks amazing. Oh my God. I don't think I would get a facelift actually, but that looks unreal. I would have one of those. Like if you were gonna do it, that's the think I would get a facelift actually, but that looks unreal. I would have one of those. Like if you were going to do it, that's the one you would get. Like, you know, save your dollars until you could get that version of it.

We very rarely have guests and I'm just going to say this upfront, Michael Jordan is not about to walk through the door. First astute fruit now. If for some reason, Chris Jenner rocks up in the next few weeks. Spoiler, it's not her, it's me. With her face. Yeah, you wouldn't even know. Yeah. And a little bit.

I don't want to enhance my face, I want the one she's got. Oh, I see. It'll be me. Actually so fair. No, Tony, it's me, darling. I went to that place. Yeah, and you shillers got a lighter? Yeah. Yeah. And that's how I'll know. That could be our secret phrase. So if I, if you ever, this is actually great areas. Like you face

off. If you ever get like freaky Friday or something. It's called face off. John Travolta and Nicolas Cage. Great film. Okay. If you ever get freaky Friday. Is Nicolas Cage and Nicol back the same guy? It might be. The other day I saw this meme and it was like Nicolas Cage and his dad and someone replied and was like as if he was born by someone. Like didn't he just like appear one day and like we've all. Yeah at the same and he's been 44. I was about to say he appeared at 50 and then that's just him in his entirety. So we're in a face off. If we get Freaky Friday. Face off yeah. entirety. So we're in a face off. If we get Freaky Friday. Face off, yeah. Different generations. But if we did write, what should our secret phrase be? Should it be any of you Sheilas got a lighter?

I think so. Because I think that we need some kind of secret phrase to be like, is that you, is that me? Because like, you know in The Hot Chick, the Rob Schneider film and Anna Faris, the thing that they do is the song. Oh, that's nice. They sing a little song like that they've always sang since they were little kids, like a little hand game song. Oh, okay. So, but any, I feel like a lot of people could do it, cause that's us putting it on.

No, no, no, but how would that person know to do that? Gotcha. In that situation, I'd be like, how are you gonna prove it's you? And I'm holding up, yeah, kill shot. Okay, I've got a message for tarfers of the North side of Melbourne. Yep.

Go up to Tony if you see her this weekend. No! No! And say, any of you Sheilas got a lighter. I'll see that you've been face-offed. Ryan? And we start kissing. It's not like, my boyfriend Ryan.

Yeah, no, that's it. I think that, yeah, that's actually made me feel a lot better about lots of stuff. And I'm looking forward to next Monday's episode to hear how that pans out for us all. All right. Yeah, fuck, what are we, what's going on? What's going on?

This man in Birmingham, he was going through a midlife crisis. He's bought the Porsche 911. Well, he bought a very classic car, but it was a very like specific model. Sure. And very specific features. And then he got like very specific modifications done to it. So, you know, he's really like... Fucking dream come true.

Yeah. And it feels like one of those, it was in the shed and every, he'd go out and tinker and goes, Oh, just, you know, that was his hobby as much as it was just like, he's kind of restored it himself as well. A little bit. He's just wanted a particular way. Yeah. And I'm not, I get that. Yeah. I'm not a car guy. I don't really know examples, but I feel like a Porsche for me. That's my like, wow, one day. Yeah. Yeah. Um, there's like a really nice car yard around where we work. Yeah. And like there you drive past and you kind of slow down. Let me have a look at that. Yeah. Um, for legal reasons, because detective Dunn has been called in. Oh, I'm actually not going to tell you the brand of the car. Oh, okay.

Can you tell me? No. Oshpe. Astangme. He finally got the car exactly how he wanted. Like, you know, he'd come to the end of his journey and three weeks ago, stolen. Not by me, it wasn't me.

Now, anyone that's had a car stolen or you could assume like a logistic admin pain, like if you've got insurance, like eventually it kind of figures itself out, but it's just never easy and it's a pain in the ass and you never quite get back as much as you probably should have and blah, blah, blah. But also it's just like, it's the same when you get broken into or whatever, it's just the yuckiest feeling that someone has your- But for this guy, because he can't just go buy another one of what he...

Because it's very specific modifications, very... Oh, I had this and I had that. And so he's... The police are like, oh, you know, we'll have a look around. And he's like, I don't trust that. So he calls me and goes, Detective Dunn, what can we do here? I said, mate, these ones are tricky. So when were you in Birmingham?

He called me. Oh, sorry. Yeah, because phones and internet and stuff. And he goes, can you have a look into it? I said, I can, but like these things do take time. Yeah. And then he goes, okay, well, in the meantime, because I'm a car guy, I might start looking around the newspapers and the websites and see if I can't see something.

Cause if it's an insurance payout and I have to start again or whatever. But also if you're looking around, maybe you'll see your car, they're trying to resell it or they've chopped it up for parts or something. So no CCTV, no fingerprints, no clues, no leads, nothing. Oh, inside job. He did it. So he messages me two weeks ago. So four weeks ago I was stolen. Yep.

And he goes, I found something on whatever the UK equivalent is of car sales.com, whatever. Probably car sales.co.uk. There you go. And goes, there's one actually pretty similar. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. He goes, I'm going to go check it out. I go, great. Now we love a coincidence chat on this show. Yeah. He finds the car and it's the same model.

Yep. It's the same colour. Yeah. And it has the same modifications. So it's the car? It's even done the exact same mileage. But also when you see it, wouldn't you be like, that's my fucking car. Well, I don't want to make any, uh, what would you say, judgments on my client. Oh, is he blind? Oh, how would he drive it? Yeah, that's all right. Sorry. I just don't, I don't know. I'm not saying he's dumb. I'm just saying I don't know how smart he is. Okay. So, well, yeah, I mean, what a bizarre coincidence. Wow. It's he. It's done the exact same mileage. He calls in his wife and he's just like, Miranda, you won't believe it.

It's the exact same. I think I'm going to go get that one. Yeah. And Miranda goes, I'm a New York City lawyer. Who is this? That's funny. There's more than one person called Miranda. I don't think so.

Name three. One of the girls I got a quiet with, she's called Miranda. She's so beautiful. There's that girl I told Westfield I wouldn't have sex with. Miranda Kerr. Yeah. And Miranda Hillard is the name of the mom

in Mrs. Doubtfire, boom, roasted. So this guy pays 22,,000 in cash. Okay. DCI? Yep. Okay. I'm seeing where we're going with this. Unreal dream car back in his life. And can we also, like...

The coincidences aren't done, but please. Well, who calls a detective from Australia? A legend? A legend? No, no. Someone who's married to someone called Miranda? No. Who calls a detective in Australia for a car that's gone missing in Birmingham? You know, like, I'm glad you're getting the work, but come on. You need someone closer to home. So he pays the £22,000 cash. Who has to, like, sure, yep.

Well someone who could afford this car in the first place and all the modifications and stuff. So true, yep. Um, he turned the ignition on and you know that first vroom of a specialized car, he just oh, specialized car. Well you know like it's different, it's like a good car. What do what do car people say about good cars? The first vroom of a specialized car. Welcome to Ryan's uh Welcome to Ryan's car related romance novel. The first room of a specialized car. Yeah. Now this is where shit gets real crazy. His Bluetooth automatically connects. And Apple CarPlay fires up and his phone is already logged in.

Yeah. And he's like, oh, today is my day. This is so good. Here I was, my car got stolen. I thought, how annoying. And everything's really turned around. Yeah. I've just heard the first rum of a specialized car. Everything's connected. Obviously hooking those up, unless you're Charles, it's actually more fiddly and annoying than you think. Oh, totally. I would just get Charles to do it.

They never pay. Yeah. It's Jude pair. Yeah Now I'm just gonna read this email. Yep Because his insurance payout was kind of similar to the I don't know if the money was from the insurance payout But he knew it was coming. Yeah. Yeah So he said, maybe we'll never find the original. This is no way.

But considering how good the alternative is, I'm just happy to accept it and I'll take the insurance payout. I'll use that money to pay this and it's all good. Now I know what we're all thinking. It's pretty obvious and clear, but I have an alternative theory. Freaky Friday.

Freaky Friday. No, we're all thinking it, but like, it's actually not, this is actually what I think's happened. Okay. I reckon it's the same car. There's no way. Now, Detective Dunn, that's my hypothesis. That's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That you've really gone out on a limb with that theory. Years of training to get there. That we'll never know because he's like, hey dude, it's actually just don't worry about it. I've got this great other car.

It's almost as good as the Ridge. So all good. Have you in all your years of crime fighting and detective work seen something like this before? Not from this angle. I have been the one that tied Billy to make this happen from the other side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was before you went clean and became a cop. Before the law went legit.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're saying you might be up The long way around to get a full tank of gas You'd hope so But probably not because this guy's stealing cars Now in today's episode thread I'm gonna put a link in to the news story because what I've just explained actually happened. That wasn't acting. No. Are you familiar with acting? No, I'm not, but I know someone who is.

Hi, it's Rachel from Melbourne, Victoria, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. I'm a massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Showdope. Showdope. Maria the Dane. Thank you Maria. Maddie. Love to say thanks Maddie. Thomas no centini.

Might be centini. No. No. None. Would you like a centini. No. No, none. Would you like a Centini? No, thank you. No, Thomas, no.

You've already had a Centini. Jess pretty, oh, thank you so much. Glenna Slattery, love you Glenna. She is a Slattery, if ever I've heard that. Love to see it, Emily. And Jessica T. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Jack and Trish related to us?

Oh my god. Are you not taking that on today? That is funny. That's good. We sell iced tea in the flesh at the Webbies. Ice Cube. Nope. Oh, iced tea.

Yeah, ice cube. A very different person. You know, ice cube, how he's got that series of movies like, Friday. Are we there yet? And now like the kids movies where he like, no. Yeah. Oh, my God. They were big when I was like 10.

He's an underrated actor. Yeah, he's really good. 21 Jump Street. He's so funny. So funny. Yeah. The new mutant ninja turtles. Who's he playing? Splinter? Well, he's the voice. Oh, yeah. Of who? Donatello? Michelangelo? Secret. Yeah it's under an NDA. Raphael? Oh my god. Who's the other one? Donatello did you say? Did you say

Michelangelo? Leonardo? Superfly. Superfly. His voice is superfly. MrBeast is also in it apparently. Your voice is super fly. Mr. Beast is also in it apparently. Wow, best of the internet. Yeah. Um, I have a prop. I have a prop here. Oh, she's brought some paper in. Yeah, I have. Is it a recipe for stewed pears? It is not, unfortunately. I can send, I'll email that to you later. Ingredients, stew and pears. Yeah. Uh, put the pears onto the stove and that's just it for the next 25 years. Um. For him. I've got two internet memes here and I think that these internet memes, like everybody in the world, everybody listening, you Ryan, everyone is one or the other of these two internet memes. So would you like,

I can pass these to you. You can read them out. Print these off. Okay, so you're one or the other. One or the other. Let's start with Ali. There should be a separate TSA line for people who are apparently experiencing their first day on earth. Is that the like, you're gonna have to remove your shoes

and they're like, what? Yeah. How? As if it's the first time they've ever been asked to shoes and they're like, what? Yeah. How? As if it's the first time they've ever been asked to take their laptop out of their bag? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. What you do is you take it out of your bag and you put it on the fucking tray. How hard could it fucking be? Is it your first day on earth? Yes.

Agree, Ali? Yep. Although I don't agree with them getting their own special line. You know what I mean? Hey, you don't want to be standing behind them though. That is true. If there's three people in that line and a hundred in the other, you'd still go the other. You'd what I mean? Hey, you don't want to be setting behind them though. That is true. If there's three people in that line and a hundred in the other, you'd still go the other. You'd still go the other.

Yeah. I agree. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm with that. I'm with that. Here's the other internet meme, also known as a tweet. I haven't heard that.

Yeah. The TSA agent held up my bin as an example to the rest of the line on how to go through security correctly. This means I got an A in airport travel, which is a completely normal thing to strive for and attain. So everybody is one or the other. I think that you aspire to be the perfect traveler or you are a piece of shit who's never spent a day on this earth before and it's just very clearly your first time I tell you what's got my goat about the TSA at the moment yeah I'd love to hear

it you know how some airports yep some airports you don't have to take your laptop out no I know and that's great great technology love that yeah and other airports you do have to take your laptop out. No, I know. And that's great, great technology, love that. And other airports, you do have to take it out. And that's fine. And that is completely fine. But what is not fine is that these two different kinds of airports don't acknowledge the other one exists. So I go, oh, do I have to take my laptop out?

And they're like, what the fuck? Of course you do, you stupid. Yeah, like have you never been through security before? And you go, okay, well, 10 hours you never been through security before and you go okay Well ten hours ago I was at a different airport Airport and they were fine with it And I had to do it there or I don't have to do it now Yeah

Like Have you ever actually seen a sign in the line in advance that says At this airport where a shoe's off laptop out airport Don't get up my fucking arse off of doing it wrong You didn't tell us how to do it right. Yeah. And it's, and I think it's well like on a travel day, you're a little bit tense because you're just trying to get through. Everyone's just trying to, well, most people are just trying to do their best. You know what I mean? You just fucking trying to get through. So I- Do you say most people because you've traveled with Charles?

A lot of technical gear. You got held up a couple of times. Yeah. LA they fucking took a piece from you. In a line that they said, you do not need to take your laptops out. And then we get to the other side and they say, yes, you need to take your laptops out. Yeah, so then they get their story straight.

And they go, oh, are you not traveling with a laptop? You go, oh yeah, I am, but they told me not. And then, oh my God. So there's two different types of travelers, sure. What we really need is the two different types of airports. Yeah. I mean, but I don't relate to that because I'm not personally an airport.

But out of those two people, I would say that I strive to be the A student of going through TSA, I do a good job, I always listen, I lock eyes with the flight attendant when they're doing the safety demonstration. I nod along and go, oh, seatbelt, oh, yep, oxygen from the top. Love it. I think it was in Dallas.

Well, the couple of years ago, uh, where that guy was yelling at everyone. And instead of being defensive, Tony was like, thank you, sir. Thank you so much. Yeah. I just take it on. I have to let it wash over me. And nodded and did everything correctly. That guy's yelling at people and then other people get to the front of the line like, why? I didn't know that. And he's like, I've been yelling at that for 15 minutes people get to the front of the line like what I didn't know that he's like I've been yelling at that I think screaming at the whole time if it was the customers or that guy who I hated more I think it's a mix of all of them yes it's so tough when you're going

through the airport now I know I'm a bit laissez-faire with the like the and you know we joke about like me getting to the airport later or blah blah blah but I don't think I'm this guy I don't think that you're the first person on I don't think I'm this guy. I don't think that you're the first person on earth. No, I don't think I'm the first. Cause I kind of, whilst you're like very attentive, mine's like nonchalant, oh good, you just let me know what to do, I'll do it. I'll follow the rules.

Like I'm not here to fuck around. You take that out, yep, no worries bud. Like just like. But I think cause I really try and avoid any drama in the airport. I don't like to draw attention to myself. I just like, I go through, I don't make jokes. I just fucking get through.

Tony doesn't make jokes. I just, I literally like, I lock in. Yeah. And I'm like- You take it seriously. I do. I take it seriously. National security is a serious matter.

I actually, I think that that is a perfect way of putting it, I take it really seriously. You don't fuck around. I don't fuck around. And when I'm like going through the airport, I don't really like stop and look anything. I'm like, I'm just going to get to my gate and sit there patiently. Yep, no eye contact. And then I will just wait until they let me onto the plane. And that's actually fine.

That is actually fine. I'm happy to do that. When Torbz and I were heading to Fiji at Christmas time, we go through security and everything. This is his first day on Earth? No, no, no, no, he's all good. He's fine. And it was quite early in the morning,

so it was a bit of a shock. But we go through security and everything. It's his first day on Earth? No, no, no, no, he's all good, he's fine. And it was quite early in the morning, so it wasn't very busy. But we go through, and as he's putting like his passport back in his bag and stuff, he's like, I left my sunglasses at home. And we're going to Fiji, so he's like, oh no.

The sunniest place in the world. Yeah, like the sun's out, you know? And because I'm me, we're obviously there quite a few hours early. And he's like, oh, I'll just have a wander through duty free. And I'm like, yeah, OK. So part of my plan is that I power through. No, you get there.

You get there. And I get to the thing. You get to the gate. You sit there. So already, I'm kind of like, OK, this is fine. Because even when we travel as a crew, we kind of like get through together and like meet on the other side often

cause we don't get there at the same time. And that's fine. It's only just occurred to me, what kind of psychopath is shopping on the way to the gate on the way to go on holidays? Thank you. That's not the time. Thank you.

What are you gonna do? Carry that shit around with you the whole time? And I mean it was sunglasses, so it'd be different. They're like, oh, here's the box. Don't give me the time. Thank you. What are you gonna do? Carry that shit around with you the whole time? Glasses, I get it. And I mean it was sunglasses, so it'd be different. But like, oh here's the, don't give me the box, just put the sunnies on my face and let me fuck off. You fucking white.

Who are these people buying bottles of spirits and shit? Luggage? I couldn't, I couldn't. Who's buying luggage? How did you get to the fucking airport? You gotta have your fucking luggage here. I know, but you need to shut the fuck up. Do you have to go back to the start of the day

and put the luggage through again that you just bought. And check it. Yeah. Anyway, are you filling that up with sunglasses? Anyway, so he goes, oh, I'll just grab some on the way through. He's like, we've got so much time now. I was like, okay, cool.

He goes to the thing. And like, when you're buying sunglasses, it's not like, yep, that'll do. It's like you have to try on like multiple pairs of sunglasses. I'm like, you're testing me. Yeah. Say we're not in an airport.

Time is not an issue. Yeah. We're trying on sunglasses. Yeah. How many do you try on before you know you've got the one? At least 12. Seven. Oh, yeah. I think you like you try on before you know you've got the one? Oh, at least 12. Seven. Oh.

Yeah. I think you're, like, you try a lot on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, because if you just fuckin', we're on holiday, he's like, oh, which ones? Anyway. How many did he try? He, I can't even remember.

My brain stopped working because I just wanted to go on that trip. Furious. The gate existed. Furious, yeah. You know what I mean? Anyway, so he's like trying on all of these sunglasses and he's like, Oh, yeah, these ones. And they look great on him. He still wears them now. Like they're the perfect sunglasses for him.

He goes over to the counter. And he goes to pay and the woman goes, Oh yeah, that'll be blah. And he goes, Oh, I've got cash for that. What? You brought cash? Cash? To an airport? What are you fucking milling drugs?

What currency was it? What the fuck? You've cleared customs, does Australian dollars even work anymore? Oh my God. And they go, that'll be, these sunglasses, right, were $85 and he goes, I've got cash for that. Why the fuck does he have cash?

That is what I said. A. Was he buying drugs for the trip? Well, I was like, A, you can't have cash in the airport. You can't buy something in cash at the airport. How fucking dodgy. When I got to LA, they said, have you got any cash on you?

Yeah, well, Torbz would have had to tick yes on the little box. Yeah. B. The box to save you got more than $10,000. Yeah. B, why do you have cash? Why does he have cash?

And he goes, oh, cause I got a haircut the other day and you have to pay cash at their hairdresser. Oh, it just seems Barbara not pay tax. Okay. Oh, we only take cash. When anytime someone says only take cash, I go, oh, so you don't participate in society. You don't pay tax in fun schools and roads.

Okay, I get it. Oh, you know, when you go somewhere and they go, oh, well it's 60 if you pay cash, but it's 75 if you pay by card. Oh, I bet it is. And you go, oh. Like sometimes when you go get your nails done, they do that.

Here's what you do. Say those numbers again. Oh, it's 60, $50 if you pay cash, but it's 75 if you pay tax. I'll pay cash and pay 30. Or I'll report you to the police. Yeah. Anyway. You're not claiming it either way. It's free money for you, sweetheart. So I think that that was just so suspicious. And he was like,

like, it's $85. And I was like, yeah, $100 is like a lot of cash to have these days. I just thought it was so suspicious. So how often does he get in a haircut? I'm not buying this, Ruz. How often does he get a haircut? Like every five weeks? So not often enough to be just hauling cash around country to country. But I think it's like, well, how often are you using cash? So when he's got leftover from the haircut, just stays in his wallet.

And he was like, well, I've got cash. It was just so fucking weird. Anyway. Hey, Charles and Soph, watch this. This is Tony's going gonna fucking hate this. Oh. When we're in the Airbnb in Los Angeles, I was getting my notepad out of my backpack

and I pulled out my car keys. I'm on the record. I've already talked about this before. I don't like having my keys not where my car is. Like if my car's in Melbourne, I don't need my keys in Fiji. Yeah, but when you get back to Melbourne. Yeah. No, but that's why like if I was going far for a while, I wouldn't drive to the airport. Tony was silent for, she just saw the keys and was like,

Like even when I drove to the airport, when we went to Tassie for the footy, like I had my keys on me and I checked them like every day while we were like, yep, I've still got them. Anyway. Okay. This is what's really going to send everybody. Oh, we haven't got to that bit yet. Cause I'm considering me sense.

No, I know it actually gets worse. Charles and I on the, when we were on the way home from the US, so I've gone like this so suspicious you're buying this thing in cash. On the way home, Charles and I walking through the airport, I think you would just like go into the bathroom or whatever. We won't hang out without you. And we walked past people in the Louis Vuitton store, right? And they are buying luggage, Louis Vuitton luggage in the Louis Vuitton store, right? And they are buying luggage,

Louis Vuitton luggage in the airport. In the airport? Gosh. Oh. I've been to the Louis Vuitton website. Charles goes- I know what a bag is worth. Yeah. Charles goes,

Tony, Tony, $100 notes flinging at this slut that's working at the Louboutin Airport store, like she's dancing for it. And they're just like, yep, here's all of our money. Or buy a trunk and a briefcase and a fucking- And I've lost it over these $85 sunglasses being like, that is so suspicious. How did they get that money through the TSA?

I don't know. I have no idea, but they literally are like handing all this money over in cash. And Charles and I are standing there like, like trying to like subtly be like, is it a Kardashian? Like, what's going on? But so, OK, so you walk we walk through the TSA, we got our backpack or whatever. Yeah. Then do you get to the plane with your backpack and your fucking- And your Louis Vuitton trunk? I don't know. And where did you pop that up top?

Maybe they were flying private. You can't in that airport. Yeah. No, I reckon they bought like a first class ticket for the bag as well, just to like put it there. Sit it on the seat. And they just had that sitting there, eat flat lay. Yeah. And so I was just like- I did that for my Rip Curl wallet.

Felt group. Just sat it there and it's like business class seat. What a flex. But yeah, and I was just like, well, I thought it was bad before, but look at that. I just thought so suspect, like, what are you up to? Yeah, Sophie. Does it also stress you out knowing

there's like all different currencies in the cash register? Oh. I've paid for some, I've bought a coffee in Auckland with Australian dollars, money. This was back in the day when people had cash, but they're like, yep, that'd be four bucks. So I gave them a $5 Australian note

and they gave me change in New Zealand currency. Was that pre-chat GPT as well? You'd need some assistance to figure that out, wouldn't you? Well, there was a pre-chat GPT, but post the existence of computers. But like, like, how are you figuring that out? Your computer. That is crazy. Yeah, so you-

Like the maths on that is just insane. Do you know about computers? No, no, no, no, no. But like, so you got, okay, well it was $4 New Zealand. So convert that to like, that is insane. Yep. Yep. And the coffee wasn't great. So probably not worth the hassle.

As if you weren't just like keep the change. Yeah. What am I going to do with 75 New Zealand cents? I suppose I accepted it. Was it in the airport? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Cause yeah, in the airport. I thought you just went to a, like, water flecks.

I'm like, that's rude. No, that's annoying. Yeah. Well, they wouldn't accept it. No, absolutely not. Yeah. I'm loving, that was a very important step of my story that I did not include.

That you didn't include. It was in the airport. Yeah. We've been chatting about in the airport for 10 minutes. No, but then you just said in Auckland, you weren't like at the airport in Auckland. Yeah, cause they have airports there. No, that wasn't include. That you didn't include, yeah. It was in the airport. We've been chatting about it in the airport for 10 minutes. No, but then you just said in Auckland, you went like at the airport in Auckland. Yeah, because they have airports there. No, that wasn't clear.

Most people get there via that airport. That wasn't clear. Ivy, you'll have to see it here. Yep. And we're heading to... Where are Dutch people from? Amsterdam? Netherlands. Holland. Holland.

Isn't it the Netherlands? They still say... For the last 12 years, a Dutch nursing home has been... Okay, this is actually fucking sick. Like all jokes aside. Because you know... No one's joking. You know how everywhere in the world right now like rent's fucked? Like it's hard to get a place in a place you want to live and it's really expensive blah blah blah. This Dutch nursing home gives free rent to like young students that go to the local university, as long as they do 30 hours each month in the nursing home, just like hanging out, playing games, like, oh, you want to play, you know, and it's just like, oh, the older people, like,

just gives a bit of a vibe. You need a place to stay. Like, like everyone's a winner. Yeah. The program has been going for the last 12 years and it turns out that the students that did it, they didn't feel like it was a burden. They actually have better mental, like they kind of did a study of like how are you and they said, oh no, I feel like I'm contributing to society. I'm getting some wisdom from these old people. Many of the students and the elderly have become lifelong friends and many surpass the

30 hour requirement because they just love spending time with the old people. It is unusual to hear uh love you in the halls. That's beautiful. Yeah. You okay mate? Yeah. Don't. What? What do you know? Lifelong. Lifelong friend. Not that long is it? Not that long is it? If you met someone at age 65.

60? No, it's older than that. If you met someone at age 75. Yep. And you lived to 900. Then they were friends for someone at age 75 and you live to 900, then they were friends for the majority of your life. Yeah. No further questions here on.

I just think the term lifelong friends. High school sweethearts, we met when we were 85. I think that's a really beautiful idea. And it would be really good for people's social skills because I don't think that a lot of people like intergenerational like. And here's a picture of a guy he's just working doing a bit of crafting with the nans. That's so beautiful. Lifelong friends you can tell.

I have a recommendation. How old were we when we met? Oh, you were 20. 27 maybe? 28 and I was like 35, 34, 35. So in 50 years, will we be lifelong friends? Yeah, I think so. You just hate old people.

No, I'm just saying like, oh, I've met you at 85. Yeah. Lifelong. And we'll be friends for the rest of my life. Yeah. Probably till next Tuesday. Probably five years. Yeah, oh, yep. So I friends for the rest of my life. Yeah. Probably till next Tuesday. Probably five years.

Yeah. So I guess like the use of the term, and I think that you're just choosing to be difficult, but you see that. Oh no. I'm bringing a beautiful story and I'm being difficult. I'm talking about intergenerational friendship and love and mental health. No, it's amazing. And I'm fucking around.

I'm just saying that the term lights long is a bit funny. I think you're lashing out because I mentioned the car case. No, you're now lashing out because I just said you were being difficult. My love to see it is... Are we fighting? No. I have a recommendation that I have actually recommended before, but the most recent season is so amazing that I just have to fucking make sure that everybody's watching Hacks. Yeah I know. Is it a new season that's just

come out? It's just finished. Because I've been. The new season's just finished. I reckon in the last seven days Hacks has been mentioned to me once a day by a different person. And plus me. Like it's coming at me every day. It's coming out me all different angles. Maybe I'm going to have to get back on the Hacks train. It's sound and good. It is the most phenomenally written show.

It's so funny. The characters are amazing. It's just so fucking good. And the last season that just ended. So there's going to be another one. But the last season. Incredible is just so good. And I need everybody to watch it.

That's a great recommendation. In Australia, it's on Stan. I don't know what that means for the rest of the, like, I don't know what the, maybe Hulu or fucking, I don't know. Stan, you're using it in Showtime, whatever that means in your neck of the woods. But who fucking really knows?

No, I think Showtime's like HBO, isn't it? HBO Max over in America. There you go. Love it. But watch it, it's so fucking good isn't it? HBO Max over in America. There you go. Love it. But watch it, it's so fucking good. Tomorrow on the show, normal or nah. And if you want to get a taste of the luxury life, I've got something that all of us can do,

like all of us regular people can do, that will give you a taste of the luxury life. Oh. Because actually I've already said too much. Is it when you put something nice in the bath when you're having a bath? Like a little salt or a little petal? Yeah, a little bath bomb or something. Like it just makes you feel like you're in a day spa.

Similar. Love it. Very different, but similar. Love it. Yeah. That's tomorrow. We'll chat to you then. Love you.

Bye.