Toni and Ryan - Single Bells At Christmas

Episode Date: December 15, 2024

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Day one of our CHRISTMAS WEEK and the FIRST Christmas parody! Love u xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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We are calling Stacey who's in Hamilton, Canada. Love it. Stacey's mom has got it going on. Do you reckon Stacey's ever heard that before? Probably not, but she actually treats her mom very poorly. And I'll explain when she answers. Stacey! Hi Stacey!

Hello. Now I was just telling Tony that you treat your mom very poorly, especially around Christmas time. That's awful to hear Stace. Is this true or false? Not poorly. Well, tell Tony, tell Tony what you do. Of course that's what the perpetrator has said.

Yeah. Well, probably for like the last 10 years, my sister and I, our favorite thing to do is irritate my mom. And so we implemented what we like to call Mary Dickmas. And every year we have some sort of like dick related. I'm just showing Tony some photos now. And if you're watching on the YouTube channel, you can see.

Where are the dicks? That's amazing. And how does your mom feel about that Stace? How does it go down? I mean, I think at this point, she just kind of rolled her eyes and this is very irritated with us. I'm like, you know, we're both like pushing 40 and you know, what's really funny dick jokes. Hey, same. Yeah. Same as Ryan. Not as both of us. No, I mean, dick jokes. Yeah. Only one of us is pushing 40.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Closer to 40 than 30. No. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. No. When are you going to turn 30 next? No, but I'm closer to that age. But I'm closer to that age. We're going to turn 30 sooner. Well, I'm nine years away from turning 40.

Yeah, but you're infinity from 30 because we can't time travel here at Tony and Ryan. I don't think that's how it works. Stacey, first of all, congratulations to you and your sisters for being fucking legends. And second of all, can you approve today's podcast? Absolutely. Hi, this is Stacy from Hamilton, Canada, and I approve the podcast. Not only are we on YouTube all week this week, but the pom pom of the hat that I'm wearing is sort of looks like it's on the Santa hat behind me.

And I'm looking over there even even though Ryan's over there, because the screen I can see. That's amazing. I'm gonna have to move it. It's gonna be too distracting because it's just too perfect. Can I say one thing? Is that your hat is obviously sideways

because that's an ear. That's what a not pirate elf would say. Yeah, I don't think the ear should be at the front. Oh, is that an ear? Yes. Ryan, I'm wearing the same one as you. See? But see how it's just like not as fun.

Looks a bit Peter Pan-y. Yeah, I prefer a pirate. Oh, the ultimate battle. What about, do you want to wear that sander hat and put the elf over there? No. Okay. I've got a whole week, you know, so. We can workshop it.

We'll workshop it. Yeah. Welcome to a week of Christmas. Welcome to a week of Christmas. I just want to give a, a two warnings. One. It's about to be great. Three warnings.

It's going to be great. One, with all the tinsel on the table, it may be a sensory overload. And my second third warning is that Tony is having an experience of sensory overload and like we're just here to support you, but I just want to like. I really appreciate that. And you know, you know what? There's a lot of tinsel really close to us. It's a lot, but also this glittery headband is quite tight where my glasses are,

which is like kind of stressing me out a little bit. That's okay. All right, well let's get- We persevere. The show must go on. I suspect that won't be there all week on your head. I think I might come up with something different to- Just a Monday wonder.

A Monday wonder. A Monday wonder. Now- Your tinsel's not even really wrapped. Like- I'm actually- Not accepting that. That's fine. Yeah, we listen and don't judge you.

Yep. So- That's never happened. Um- Yeah. You can't lie this close to Christmas. Wow. Every day this week,

we will have a brand new Christmas parody song from Tony Lodge. Yes. And this one is dedicated. Should I say anything or do we just let it play? Let it play. Okay. This one goes out to all of my single Pringles this Christmas.

This is Single Bells. Single bells, single bells on me apps today. Single folk at Christmas lunch. Oh, now we'll ask all day. Gay? Single bells. This is helps. Hope I find a match. Hoping that on Christmas day someone will touch my snatch. Oh guys.

So we left that last bit of the song in and Tony actually looked like. I'd seen God. You'd seen God. Yeah. And me and Sophie were in the room for God coming to town. Um, well, we kind of were like, Oh my God, wouldn't that be funny? And then I did maybe too good a job. Um, but for comedy purposes, obviously that's been left in.

That's my Christmas gift to you. As someone who was like single, like it wasn't, didn't have many, like, when I did that. No, no. If I was, man, if I was single, that's really nice. This headband's really tight. Do you want to take it off?

That's really fucking nice. That's really tight. Do you want to take it off? No. That's really fucking nice. That's so nice. As someone who had to turn up to a lot of Christmases as a single man, I get the like, I wouldn't even say it's pressure, but you're just like, oh, I just know I'm going to have to answer questions all day from the aunties and grandma.

Oh, you met a girl, how's it going? Or a boy, that's fine. Girl? Yeah. You know, all the questions and you just like, I get it., how's it going? Or a boy, that's fine. Go? Yeah. Yeah, all the questions and you just like, I get it. And I think a lot of people going into Christmas will understand being a single belle. Yeah.

Heading back home. But I think I, I think I might've got off easy. Don't say get off easy because Torpse and I started dating when I was 19. Yeah. So I didn't really go through the like single at Christmas thing. Yeah. So I think I'm like, I skated by that thankfully. Yeah.

What I do like though is Christmas is a great time to be single because often you go back to your hometown for Christmas and there's a lot of other people who have gone back to their hometown for Christmas. And it's just crazy. So like when I lived in Mildura, I was like an out of towner but I was there for like what I will call that Friday night, wherever.

Cause in Mildura there's not really a big university. So you finish, a lot of people finish high school and they go to Melbourne and they do go to Adelaide, go to uni, but Christmas everyone comes back and there's that Friday night, which is like the Friday night before everyone's back for the weekend for Christmas. And, and I got introduced to cause all my friends, they're like, Oh, this is so and so.

I went to school with this person. And there's just all, and everyone's having the night of their lives. Everyone's hooking up with friends from high school and stuff. And it's a great time to be a single bowel heading back to Christmas. That's all I'm going to say. So think about this from the positive potential. If you're single at Christmas, it's your time to shine. Yeah.

Or you're in a big town, you go back to your hometown, you open up the apps. It's a brand new catalog of blokes because you're in a different town. Oh, I like that. If you've swiped through Sydney, head home for Christmas. Yeah. And I bet a few people have swiped through Sydney, head home for Christmas. Yeah. And I bet a few people have swiped through Sydney. I love that though.

Yeah. I miss the apps as well. I miss the apps. I miss all of that. So I missed not miss. Yeah. Just in case someone misheard that. A very important D.

Yes. And there's only one D for me now. And T.O.B.S. Sorry. Um, sorry, but on Friday we talked about, um, Joshua Davis, who I went to school with and how you were like, wouldn't that be just the best Hallmark movie ever? You go home, whatever the Hallmark movie is getting around at the moment. Oh, I love it.

Is Lindsay Lohan got like going to do a shit Christmas movie every year for the rest of time? I've got something to say. Little secret? Our little secret? That's the new one, isn't it? Our little secret. I don't know. That's our little secret. Lindsay Lohan might have taken over Mariah Carey as the Queen of Christmas. Hard agree. I think that that is the queen of Christmas. Hard agree. I think that that is the new thing.

The shit Hallmark movie, she's everywhere. Like I think that that might be the new like Christmas thing. I could not agree more. So last year she did the movie where she was like knocked out in the ski fields. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, they're all the same. And then no, it doesn't matter. This one, I didn't know the whole out in the ski fields. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, they're all the same. And then, no, it doesn't matter.

This one, I didn't know the whole movie within the first minute. It took me at least three and a half minutes to realize what that was gonna be. To be honest, I can't believe you watched it. That's like not your- It is good. Okay, okay, is that a Rhyme John recommendation?

It is a Rhyme John recommendation. It's called Little Secret or Our little secret or something like that. Because of course it is. Yep. Uh, but what I can say is, and I'm not spoiling anything here, is that it's rare for a Hallmark movie to include someone like Lindsay Lohan getting high on marijuana. But this one has it all. So she's pretty funny.

Having a Jaws. And the thing about Lindsay Lohan, I don't want to say it's disappointing because that's the wacky tobacco. Is that the devil's lettuce? The jazz cabbage. The thing I forget every time before I watch a Lindsay Lohan. The marriage of Hoochie. My mum used to call it Mara B. Joanna. Like that was a code name. I wonder what she's talking about.

Yeah, that naughty stuff. Mara B. Joanna. I was like, yeah, that naughty stuff. Maraby Joanna, I'm like, mom, that's not a thing. Did she used to have a little of the Maraby Joanna? No way. No, no, no, no, no. Straighty 180, both my parents. Okay. That like would have never.

Yeah, right. What if it was found in the house? That'd be the end of it? Do you know what? I think if it was found in the house, they might not have known what it was. So yeah, right. Okay.

And they weren't like, oh, that doesn't happen. But I just think they would have been like, I don't know. And my mom smoked Cigies and like, you know, they love a drink and stuff. But I think they would, like drugs was just so far from their reality. A Tapa who listens to this show has anonymously sent in a story

about how Christmas was ruined. Someone found Mara Bidjuana and Lindsay Lohan. No, one more thing about Lindsay Lohan. Please. Is the one thing we forget because of all the drama and the fuck and blah, blah, blah. She's a big celebrity. She's on the, she's on the app. But here's the thing we've forgotten. She's a big celebrity. Nah, she's come back through. She's on the, she's on the up.

But here's the thing we've forgotten. She's Christmas's sweetheart. She is Christmas's sweetheart. I agree. I actually agree. It's huge. Sorry for that. Groundbreaking.

I think the thing we forget about Lindsay Lohan is that she's actually an incredible comedic actress. Like she fucking just is very funny. Yeah. Like hits the beats and is just a good actress. And because of the celebrity of it, you kind of forget that she's actually really good. Really good. Yeah. Well, I mean, Parent Trap, Just My Luck, Mean Girls.

What was that? One of the best movies of all time. What was the moment she went to Ireland and didn't marry the guy? That's a great movie. Yeah, what is that? I don't know what it's called. The Irish... Wish. Wish. Incredible film. The Irish Wish. Was that a Christmas movie? No, just Irish. I did almost watch it last night. On your recommendation, I think, Ryan. Thank you. Stop it, Sophie.

Cause I did recommend that. Sophie wants a good Christmas gift. In fact. Yeah, I almost watched that last night cause you gave such a good recommend that. I know later this week, Tony will deliver her one fucked fact of the year. The one fucked fact segment. Of the year. Yep. I think I've got a crazy fact to share today.

This close to Christmas. Because I've been like studying and busy and have a child. I don't really get time to watch many movies and that's not a flex. That's like something that sucks. Yeah. I reckon out of the last five movies I've watched on Netflix, three and a half of them have had Lindsay Lohan in them. That's a good odds.

Yeah. As in like in this year, whatever I said, 70% of movies I've watched on Netflix this year have had Lindsay Lohan in them. Quick maths. That's good odds, I think. Yep. Here's a story from a top one. Have you watched Herbie fully loaded?

No. Oh, so you're not a real fan. Someone tried to tell me she was in cars, but I'm like, that's animated in their cars. Or is that what Herbie fully loaded is? No, she's not in cars. There's a red car in cars. Or is that what Herbie Fully Loaded is? No, she's not in cars. There's a red car in cars. Were they like, is that Lindsay Lohan? Like, she's in Herbie Fully Loaded.

Oh, you got red hair because that's why she's the red car. Oh, yeah. Like, I was doing a joke. Yeah, I got it. I don't think you do. I was just telling you that I got it. Here's a story from a tarpa. Lindsay Lohan, she's over there. Tony.

A beautiful funny redhead. Tony, we don't do those jokes. Redact that. What joke? Redact that. What joke? We don't do that here. Sorry about that, Sophie.

What joke? Red, red hair jokes. It wasn't a joke. I said a beautiful red head. Did you think that was a joke? You don't think Sophie's beautiful. Sophie, how did you feel hearing that? I loved it.

Okay, I'll redact my redaction. Oh my God, it's Lindsay Lohan. She's right here. You actually missed my joke. I looked over my shoulder. Yeah. That was good. I didn't mean that. It was good. I didn't really.

It was good. Oh no. Oh, it's not Lizzie Lohan in Cars. It's Ryan John. Oh. Doing new tones. An anonymous Christmas tale from a Tapa. All the, so they're from Northern Ireland.

Oh, an Irish wish. All the Northern Ireland clan go back to our town and our family house. And we get up really early on Christmas morning, put on Christmas clothes. And at 8am, we do a big zoom call because as much as we all get back to Northern Island, we've got family in London, in Europe, in Australia. And so that's just kind of the time that works out for everything. And it's like, just got to make sure we're all on this big call. I think also if you get up early for Christmas, you still get your afternoon nap.

Yep. Christmas Eve. So the night before the big phone call. Twas the night before Christmas. Since we're back in our hometown, my brother and I go to the local pub and it's going off. Everyone's back in town. Like you said. It's huge.

Catching up with all these old friends, we stayed way longer than we expected. We drank more than we expected. And as a result, my brother James, being the goofball he is, set up all these trash cans so he could race his mates in a hurdles race down the road from the pub. Great. Great times had by all. Love it. Until the police picked him up and took him.

That, oh, that is so stressful. And they took him in and went for a drunken disorderly, like he got fined. And they're like, mate, you're moving trash cans on the street. Like you've been a fuckhead. Just like all good, but like get in the fucking car. Yeah. He goes in at 2am and the normal rule for a drunk in the night is six hours. So that means he's getting out at 8am, but that's when the family phone call is,

which we cannot miss because we've got people all around the globe lined up. Sown and in. The siblings and cousin group chat is going off. James has been arrested. Everyone's like- The mums and dads don't know because they'd be panicking. Yeah. So everyone's laughing, but also like, fuck, what are we going to do? How crazy? It's the middle

of the night. So we figure out and we decide as a group of siblings and a group of cousins and whatever, that we're going to tell dad, because he might be helpful in this situation, but mum would lose her fucking mind. So we are not telling mum. No, that's fair. We tell dad small town. He probably knows half the cops. You know, one of those like cute towns. He heads down there at 7am, an hour before he's supposed to come out.

All I'm hearing is like the 24 hour timer from like that show 24, like do, do, do, do, do. One hour to punch time. One hour to go. Dad gets down there and goes, oh, apparently my lad's locked up in there. My lad. Can't wait to give him a clip around the ears when he gets out. Don't you love an hour? Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Apparently my lad's in there. Yeah. That was good, I think. That was good. Oh. Except there was an old Irish woman.

Yeah, it was. The cops like- Apparently my lad is in there. And from Italy. Italy, huh? The police laugh and dad said, hey, look, I'll give him that clip around the years now. We've actually got a family thing.

Do you mind if we just get going? They go, yeah, all right, mate. Like, it's Christmas. He's sobered up. It's five hours. And I'm like, Hey, look, I'll give him that clip around the years. Now we've actually got a family thing. Do you mind if we just get going? They go, yeah, right. I mean, maybe he's sobered up. It's five hours. No, whatever. All good. Yeah. Oh, good.

Great job, dad. Nice. We all jump on the zoom call. We made it. Oh, we think we've got away with it. Amazing. Everyone in the group chat tells everyone to shut the fuck up and not to tell mum. Totally. Mum doesn't need to know. It all worked out.

We're having a really merry time. We're catching up. We go around and say, you know, what are we looking forward to this year? What was something great that happened this year? Yep. It gets to my sister who's in Western Australia. And for those playing along at home, 8am over in Northern Ireland is late in the afternoon in Western Australia. And for those playing along at home, 8am over in Northern Ireland is late in the afternoon in Western Australia and my sister's been hitting the cans all day. Yep. Well, it's the best thing that happened to you this year, sister. Finding out James got arrested

last night. Hey mum, how'd you react when you heard that? James got arrested last night. Hey mum, how'd you react when you heard that? Missed that message in the group chat. Anonymous says, I know this sounds like a cartoon, but I literally saw steam coming out of her ears. You know, in the... BOO! She was so fucked off.

Not as much with James, but the fact that dad knew and didn't tell her. Oh no, now dad's in trouble. Dad is in trouble. So my sister drops that bomb on the Zoom and then goes, anyway, I'm heading out. You guys have a good time. And just closes the laptop. I've got a full ham hock to get on with. And she just fucks off. And she's in Australia.

Yeah, she's in a good place. So what's she gonna fucking do? Yeah. It was now only 9 a.m. in Northern Ireland and we had to sit through the longest, most passive aggressive day of our lives. Oh my God. Can you pass me those peas, Stuart? Or are you gonna keep it to yourself? You know what I mean?

Nine years later. What? We still don't mention it around mom because she still gets fucked off. And nine years later, we still give shit to my sister for being that snitch. The Christmas snitch. Coming soon to Netflix with Lindsay Lohan. Hey it's Stacey from Hamilton, Canada and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Today's episode is brought to you by Cozy, the Canadian furniture company that creates

thoughtful pieces that blend innovation and simplicity. They've got free and fast shipping in time for the holidays. So if you're someone that's left your present buying to the last minute, Ryan, or if you're someone who decided late your present buying to the last minute, Ryan, or if you're someone who decided late last night to buy it online and want it right now, Tony, you can get it fast and free. And they support our online purchases by getting it to us quickly.

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Listen now at audible.ca slash best of the year. A big shout out to a few of our champion tubbers. Don't put a ghost in my attic, mate. How is that putting a ghost in your attic? Because you're sweetening me, sweetening me up because coming up now, Tony has a question about Ryan's logistics. And before we push on, I would just like to say that I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong. Oh no, you've gotten the wrong end

of the Christmas stick here. Okay. Yeah, nah, I think you're actually, you're fine. Oh, good, then yeah, okay. Yeah, no, no, no, we're on the same team. Great. No, we're on the same team here. I feel like I was, you're fine. Oh, good. Then yeah, okay. No, no, no, we're on the same team. Great. No, we're on the same team here.

I feel like I was about to be added. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, about you having your diapers over at our Patreon this close to Christmas. China Fowler, good on you China. Cindy Trezise, Jess M, good on you Jess. Charlie Bean, Bean. Natasha Tristram and Alyssa Barube. I think we need to go around the room and all do a quick Bean and you as well watching and listening. Teddy Bean. Bean! Nah, too hard. Ready? Brain. Brain. Nah, too hard. Tadda, ah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Brain. That was better. He needs to do the physical. Bop, bop, bop. Yeah. Sophie? So do you. Yeah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Tadda. Ah, a little bit of context on the bean chat. Um, I started this thing where I think any context, I think every time I meet someone, I say, give me your best bean. And that's just what we do. It's a bit of fun. Yeah. Okay.

So switching gears from bean chat. This is a little bit grim actually, but I think it's necessary. Uh, and it's quite a festive setting we've got here. If you're watching on YouTube, you can see all the festivities. If you're listening, wherever you normally listen, you can hear the festivities. You can literally probably hear the tinsel. It's on my, my rustling around. Um, you know, when like the Royal family, when they travel, they're like, all have to fly separately so that like, if the plane goes down, you don't wipe out the whole family.

I think it's the same with like the Kardashians probably like, I'm like, oh, we don't all fly together. A lot of executives, the CEO, the CFO and the COO can't be on the same flight. Right. So that's like insane. So normally whenever you and I travel, we travel together a bit. Are you about to compare us to the Kardashians

or the Royal family? I think I am. Great. We deserve it. That is the Christmas gift I've always wanted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I said that it's grim, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's great news.

So normally when we travel for work, like we went to London this year, it was amazing. We traveled together on the same flight. Sophie was separate. Maybe Sophie's the royal family. Maybe. But we traveled together a lot. But this Christmas, you and I are traveling separately.

We are. We're going to separate directions. Yeah. We are literally like could not be further away from each other almost. So I'm going off to Fiji with my partner Torbs and you are heading off to Bali with your beautiful wife and daughter, Mabel. Yep. I will come back when you see the start of the show in January, I will be a human prune because I am not getting out of the pool for two weeks. What do you want to do when we're there? No, incorrect question. Yeah. Feed me, drink me

in the water. Yeah. Everything that I can do. Water. Has to be involving me being submerged. I've discussed with Mabel that the two of us are going to sleep on a sun lounger on the pool. Yes. I've discussed with Mabel that the two of us are going to sleep on a sun lounger on the pool. Yes. Yep. I said to Torbzai, I'm flying in bathers so that as soon as we get there, I can get off the plane and into the ocean just straight away. Yep. Great. But so we, you and I, we travel a lot together, but we're traveling separately this time. And-

You're going to miss your little travel buddy? I am going to miss my travel buddy. I'm going to miss you. Who's going to go to the toilet five times before the plane takes off. Don't get emotional. Yeah. Um, so we've talked about on the pod that you have a plan for, um, if, you know, horrifically, if you die, yes, what would happen to your daughter, Mabel,

what would happen to your wife, Bridget? Um, and I think that I just, you missed the awesome one. That if you die, that, um, your friend Liam will throw you a party. $50,000 in my will. Liam, my friend gets $50,000 to throw a fucking sick party in my honor and every tarpa is invited. So, no, redact that, because you don't mean it.

You don't mean that. It says it in my will. Not the tarpa's part. It's implied. No, you're not invited. I'll be at the door. But so there's a plan like for Mabes, there's a plan for your party and stuff. And the tarpas and I were just wondering, maybe like what's the plan for us? So if God forbid something happens. It's Christmas week, dude. What the fuck are you doing? I know,

I said it's a bit grim, but I think it's a good logistics chat. What will happen to me and the other tapas and also Sophie? If I die? Yeah. I've got some options and I thought that we could do it like a game show because it's Christmas. First of all, you'll be invited to the party. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. But I'm all mean like, how will I go to Fiji again? You know? Oh, so when you look at me, you just see cash. No, but the thing is, is that what's, well, what's my plan? What is your plan? What are the tarpas going to do? What are we all going to do without you? Well, I'm looking forward to the game show because I love a game show.

Let's get ready to wheel ball. That is me putting wheel into rumble. Okay. Yeah. I just want to put on the record first that if Tony died, I would never do a podcast with anyone else because nothing can be greater than what we have together. And I want you to take that table comments to the end. I hope we take and that's have together. And I want you to take that. Say more comments to the end. I hope we take, and that's my truth. And I hope that sentiment is reflected in the game show because let's play. Let's get ready to whoop all. You get the game.

I get it. All right. We have. Sorry, that's really taken it out of me. Be careful because we haven't made a decision yet. So if you could just sit really still for a second before we make this decision. Ease up on the cigarettes for another 15 minutes. That'd be great.

Ease up on the marabu joana over there. Speaking of God, don't want to get taken offline. Okay. We have three options. Option number one. If Ryan dies, one pre-approved new co-host. Don't have an idea for the co-host yet. Oh yeah. This is just an option. Let's run from.

Oh. Give me your top five. I've literally never thought about it. Top five, go. In any order. Oh my God. Zoe Foster Blake. No, but that wouldn't be the same as this podcast. No one would, but it'd still be great.

Hmm. Yeah. Okay. I would like to chat to her every day. That'd be fun. Yep. Not as fun as this. Nope. Um, Oh. 100% that Tim. Tim actually, yeah, is a good option. Um, Oh, 100% that Tim Tim actually, yeah. It's a good option. Um,

what about Mabel? Mabel in time. In time. Yeah. We could try and see how she goes. She can audition like everyone else. Tony and Ryan off. That's such a nepo baby. She just walks into the job at 15 with no experience. Yeah. Um, what a bitch. I'd hate that. Oh, well, it's not, I hate that. Like some girl got it so easy. Nah, but why make it hard? Like, you know, okay.

Anyway, one pre-approved you cause because I don't want to think about it. Liam Stapleton. That'd be a like for like, but he'd be funny though. I wouldn't like that. Yeah. So you need someone a bit dull enough to let you shine. That's my skill is not being good. One of my greatest assets is not being that great at this. But you're so good at planning and so good at being my guy.

Am I good at being attractive? See, the thing is, is that this is actually not the option that I think we would go for. Okay, cool. Option two. Because I don't think there's anybody else I'd want to do this with. Okay. Three options.

One, pre-approved new clothes, which we're not going with. Two, never do comedy again in your honor. I would respect that. I'll never do anything without you, so you're all good. Three, talk to myself. They're the options. Not as much fun chat in two or three. What's that?

A bonus fourth? An unprecedented fourth option. Is Michael Jordan about to walk into the room? Permission to AI Ryan and respond to the way that I expect you to. Have you organized something? No, I haven't. That would have been really funny though. See, this is you're the organizer and I'm not. See, if I was still alive, I would have prepared AI Ryan so you could have pressed play and we could have...

On the fly. On the fly. No, but we're alive. That's not AI. No, no, no. Hi, welcome to Tony and Ryan. press play on the fly. But we're alive. That's not enough. Hi, welcome to Tony and Ryan. Is it fair to say I go to the bathroom a lot at the airport? It's like you're in the room.

I actually am in the room. It's like that, isn't it? You can barely tell I'm not here. So they're the three options plus one bonus option. So what will it be? I've actually thought about this. When I was at uni, we were talking about AI and what's possible and blah, blah, blah. And so my brain was like in a fucking weird, quirky AI zone.

Love it. I have signed up to ChatGP. Things are crazy. So what happens- We've started calling it ChatGP, Tony. Yeah, so you're 21. So let's say you retire at 65 and let's say, I'm 31. You don't look that.

You look, I'm 31. You look fantastic. I actually look rough for 31. I saw somebody the other day that was like 20s, 27. And I was like, Oh my God, I look a hundred. So what if you, when you get to 65 and you can get your superannuation and your 401k out and whatever, and move to the countryside. Yes.

To the beach. I'd go to the beach. Um, and we've retired, but we feel like we want, no, no, I'm still alive. And we just, but we want TARP to continue. Cause they'll by then be like 5, okay. But we want TARP to continue. Yeah. Because there'll by then be like 5,000 episodes that we can just feed ChatGPT. More, I reckon, by then.

Yeah. Oh, because at some point we'll drop down to like what, one episode a week. Yeah, we'll start phoning it in soon. And by soon I mean in the next decade. In five years. So don't panic. All good.

So I think there'll be enough material to feed Chat chat GPT. Totally. And technology will have improved. That when we at 65 retire, the show can just go on without us. Yeah. But chat, just make it up stuff. Just in perpetuity.

Yeah. I like that. I don't think that's the word. Okay. In perpetuity is that when you tip someone. Nope. That's gratuity. Oh, I can't do that.

I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. tip someone. Nope. That's gratuity. There's no way. What's perpetuity? Perpetuity is like live on forever. Sophie Google perpetuity. I don't know what it means. She doesn't need to Google it because she's not you. I need it read from Google.

OK. By AI preferably, but I'll accept Sophie. Do you want the legal meaning? Yes. Formal for all time, forever. Oh, so close to what I said. Oh, I literally did a whole three weeks of perpetuity in a finance subject. Because how do you multiply something by this much per week forever?

But if you want this information, gratuity, a tip given to a waiter, taxi driver, et cetera. So that's what you meant. So I would say we're giving a gratuity post retirement to the TARP community. No, that's not, that's not what it is. the top community. No, that's not what it is. So I think that the AI answer is the answer. Yeah. So, but what I guess my question is, would you still come in and do your half?

I think so. Okay. And get the robot to be, ha ha ha ha. You know, that's what I would do. So I just still keep making jokes and whatever. And then the robots are ha ha ha. You are so funny, Tony. Yeah.

What's your, you love to see it. And we'll just use that grab forever in perpetuity. In perpetuity. So I, cause I wouldn't want a new co-host. So what have you put in your will? I'm about to do mine. In perpetuity. So I, cause I wouldn't want a new co-host. So what if you put in your will? I'm about to do mine. You're not going to do it before you go to Fiji?

I'm about to do mine. When? I'm about to do mine. Okay. I don't know if it'll fucking come through before. If you die before that will is done. Yeah. Can you just look into this?

This could be my last living will and testament. Okay. Look into the camera and tell me how much I get. I, Toni Lodge of Sound, Body and Mind, agree that if there is no paper will, um, that has been executed yet, um, that I would like to say that my. Oh, you can have the Audi. I haven't paid it off. I don't own it.

No, I want the Audi. I don't want the car loan. That's not how it works. Torb's going to have the car loan. Torb's will be dead too won't he? See on the same flight as you. Yeah. They're going to allow that.

They're allowing that. Yeah. Um, I think that I would want everything to go to work. If Torb's is going anyway, I'll take the whole lot. I think that I, I don't know where I would send it. I'll give you nephews some. Yeah. Don't tell me they're on that flight.

No, no, no, no. It's just Torbz and I. Yeah. I'll take care of them if you take care of me. Sophie, do you want it? No, she doesn't. She's fine. Is it Audi?

No, don't, you don't want an Audi. You've got your Saab. I'll take your lawn mower. You can have my lawn mower. That's fair. And Sophie can come around and mow your new lawn. And Sophie, what you get in the wheel is the gift of mowing Ryan's lawn. In perpetuity.

For no gratuity. So what have we landed on? We've landed on the unprecedented fourth option of AI. AI. Okay. I did think that maybe you'd go for number two, never do comedy again in your honor. No, I think. I also quite like personally talk to myself as option three. Would you just call it Tony and Tony and just look down the barrel and just monologue?

I'd call it Tony and Ryan RIP. I would actually respect that. So you would still be around and I could still use the same feed, same phone, same phone, and just look down the barrel and just monologue? I'd call it Tony and Ryan R.I.P. I would actually respect that. So you would still be around and I could still use the same feed, same photos and everything. So would I, if I did that version, would it be R.I.P. Tony and Ryan? Yes! Like R.I.P. Tony and Ryan. And Ryan, yeah.

My Love to See It is a dog with its head out of the sun roof and the number plate is sun wolf. And I just sent you a picture and it's fucking awesome. Oh my God. Sun wolf. Oh my God. It's such a little dog as well. How's it reaching out there?

Are they holding it up? Yeah, they must be be just living the dream. That is so cute. That makes me want to call Mabel and get her to ask her, shall we do it? What? Where's my phone? That's under the tinsel. It's in the tinsel.

It's been lost forever. What are you doing? Should we call Mabel and get her to say what a dog says? Sure. Is that before I die? Question, is she napping currently? No, not yet. Good, great question though.

Oh, you're being shunned. Mabel won't pick up the call from her own dad. It didn't even got a voice mail. She rejected you. Okay, not good news. Let me try one more time. Oh, this is not good. Do you want to come to Fiji with us? Hi, this is Fiji.

Leave me a message. Hi, this is Ryan. You may remember me from such things as being your husband. I was just calling to get Mabel to say what her dog says. Hello? Oh, I didn't realize you could do that. Hey, it's me. We're on the podcast.

Yeah. Can you just put Mabel on and get her to say what a dog does? Okay. It's your mommy. Hey Mabel, what does a dog say? Woo woo woo. Woo woo woo. Woo woo woo. Hi Mabel, it's Dad.

Dada. Dad. That's okay. Mabel, what sound does a dog make? Woo woo woo. You nailed it sweetie. Dad's proud of you. Love you.

Love you too, mama. Love you. Love you, bye. Okay. We have to talk about something. Not that that wasn't awesome, but you can pick up a phone while it's being left a message. I didn't realize that was possible. I did not know that you could do that.

What happened to the voicemail? Is it just floating around the ether? Or is that whole thing recorded in the voicemail? Maybe. Like the message. Yes. Like her message is like, hi, it's Bridget. Leave a message.

Oh, hello. And it's like one long recording. No, but like, so you've gone like- You know when you're like, ah, ah, gotcha. No, but so you've gone, oh, that was, ah, so you mean. So the dog woofing and everything was just built in. But no, so obviously it would have recorded you being like, hey, was just trying to get this to happen.

And then does it answer like, her going, hello, is that all in it? When you get home, you should see. I'll pull her back and ask her. It's still recording, she's getting this as well. By the end of the week, I'll have an answer to that question. Amazing.

That's huge. I did not know that that was a thing. Yeah. I thought that when it went to voicemail, like it's God's problem now. I thought that's how it works. You've gone to the big voicemail in the sky. But once it like fucks you off to voicemail,

that's where you are. You can't come back. You've been diverted, yeah. What's up? That's so crazy. We've learned something here today. You're welcome. Yeah, that's huge.

Life science. My love to see it is also family related. Yeah. After you tried to kill me five minutes ago. Oh yeah, but like I didn't try to kill you. I'm saying what do you want me to do? Cause I wanna like honor your life. I would love to be the reason that you didn't do comedy again,

because like, why would you even bother if I wasn't here? No, that's so true. That wouldn't want to keep your comedy from the world. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. So that's my story. Okay. Well, my love to see it actually, because over the weekend, I just I fucking love to see this and I cannot keep it in. Yesterday, Torbz and I fucking slayed our Sunday.

We just absolutely destroyed. Scrubbed the shower, I've got a list here. Did the lawn, trimmed all of our indoor plants. They needed it. Trimmed up all of, yeah, all the dead bits off. Trimmed up like our walkway into the house. Scrubbed the shower, did the lawn, did the gardens, washed paper, went out for breakfast, cooked dinner,

did all the washing. What? Like absolutely fucking nailed it. Call the police. Who is this mystery woman? I know. Who is this couple? I know. Isn't that unreal?

That's huge. And how satisfied and proud did you feel when you'd done all that, you'd eat or you sat down for dinner on Sunday, having completed all that cooking a home cooked meal that the two of you had prepared. Were you just like, tell me- It tasted like victory.

Cause we also- It sounds like victory. I forgot to put on this list, also did our food shopping and like came up with our like menu for the week. Cause that's how we go like, what are we going to eat every day? What's the weather doing?

Whatever. And then I ate dinner that we cooked when normally after you do a million things, you're like, fuck, should we order a pizza? I'm so inspired to cook. What I will do is order pizza. Yeah. I get it. We didn't do that.

I get it. And that included going out for dim sum for breakfast. For breakfast? Well, like, like at 11 o'clock. Cause dim sum for breakfast. For breakfast? Well, like at 11 o'clock. Dim sum for breakfast? Well, that's what it is. It's like lunch, breakfast. Dim sum for breakfast?

You have slayed the day. Well, it was at 11. So like... I think people dim sum for breakfast. Yeah, that's what it... Like... Dim sum for breakfast. What are you... I it like. It's not for breakfast. What are you? I just never seen it as a breakfast food.

But I don't like that I haven't seen it as a breakfast. I mean, I'm like, wow, you fucking really. Well, so we went at 11. We didn't eat beforehand because we're not idiots. Um, don't turn up to dim sum without an empty stomach. Like, obviously. Yep. But yeah, it was at 11.

So I guess like, like breakfast, early lunch, whatever. But yeah, it's like breakfast food. Yeah, beautiful. But Unreal Day. And I was just so proud of us. And I was like, fuck, that's awesome. Yeah. I think it's also,

cause we're coming into like Christmas time. And we're having Christmas at our place this year, which is very exciting. So it's also a bit of like, oh, what can we start doing now to make that a bit easier? But I was so proud of us. And Torb's really just like, he really got it done. I just loved it.

Later in the week, I'm going to ask you about what you're planning on cooking for Christmas Day at a Lodge family Christmas in your own house. Okay. Yep. Great. Yep. Because I just want you to take this glorious momentum right through the festive season. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Yep. Because I just want you to take this glorious momentum right through the festive season. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Oh, lovely. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Love you. Bye. G'day Canada! How would you say hello Canada? Bonjour Canada! Not what I was expecting! Hello Canada!

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