Toni and Ryan - Snot in the Sink

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

Normal or nah, and the best quote EVER from our very own Ryan Jon Dunn, all about Calamari. Love ya! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. This is Morgan. I don't know if she knows we're calling. Oh, what a surprise. Hello. Is that Morgan? Yes. Hey, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing, mate? Oh my God, I totally forgot.

Oh, so you have booked in for an approval. I did book in a long time ago. Well, today is your day. Sorry to interrupt and annoy you. I can't believe you answered, Morgan. I would never, ever answer a phone call I wasn't expecting. No, well, I've kind of stolen my cousin's child, so I was

expecting it to be her. Do they know that you've stolen the child? Yeah, is this a legal issue? Are we accomplices now? Yeah, no, they know. You are, but that's okay. Okay, great. Good to know. And will you approve this podcast? Of course I will. Yay!

You're my daddy. I'm not your daddy. Sorry, I'm talking to the child now. Talk to him, Jenny. Yeah. You sound like you are my daddy, Morgan, actually. Oh, I can be whatever you want. Okay.

Tony's back. Holy moly. Okay. All right. Well, we better go. Hi, it's Morgan from Bendigo Australia and I appreciate this podcast. All right, coming up today. Is there someone in your life who you would describe as a walking contradiction?

You know that person that says something one day and says the complete opposite the next? Would you consider me being in my own life? Yeah. Then yes. I've got a case study. Seen it firsthand. It starts with a T and it rhymes with Rony Lodge,

and that's coming up. But I think everyone knows someone in their life that might say a lot of thing and then do the opposite. And I want to just explain here that it's not about talking a lot of shit. No. I'm not a shit talker. Oh, the intentions are right. Yes, exactly.

It's just the like, you know that one thing you'd love to do and then that thing you do that. Goes opposite that thing. You really want to do and then that thing you do that... Goes opposite that thing? You really want to do this thing and then you do this thing that stops you doing your thing. Yes, yes. You're getting in your own way. Yeah.

I think that's more of a... Yes. You're right, it's not a shit talking. It's just a, hey, let me step back. Self-sabotage. Possibly. Well, I've just had some observations of Miss Tony Lodge and as I pointed these out in the office yesterday,

it may have become apparent that I am just as bad. And I think we're all, no one is like. No one's perfect, mate. And without getting deep and philosophical, would you say it's the gap between the person we are and the person we want to be? Yeah, I would. And for Tony, they are quite the opposite.

Yes, because I want to be chill, but I'm a psychopath. Hey, you brought a dog on the spot. Yeah. That's fucking go with the flow vibes. Oh, she's so cute. All right, that's coming up. But first, normal or nah? Ah, we take a few topics and we decide whether they're normal or nah.

Well-named, this segment. Hey, mate. Hey, tell it to Craig Bruce, the audio consultant. The advice from the bloody king of content. Said, got to explain that. Yeah, and you're acting like a right-collar conti if you don't think he's right. He's the godfather.

Normal or nah? Eating cereal at any time of the day. Oh, normal. Thank you. I'm a cereal girl in a cereal world. I've always thought that about you. And I used to get home from school straight into a bowl of Weet-Bix. Oh, I don't know if I'd do Weet-Bix any time of the day.

Really? Probably. Oh, I do really like Weet-Bix, but they're a breakfast food for me. I'll tell you what's a real treat. If you like, it's late at night and you're like real hungry, some late night Coco Pops. Yeah, and they always hit the spot, eh? Always.

So much better than like an ice cream. Like when you're really craving something sweet, it's just the milk, the spot, eh? Always. So much better than like an ice cream. Like when you're really craving something sweet, it's just the milk, the cocoa, everything about it. It's just fucking, just sends you. Can I come around tonight and we'll eat Coco Pops and hang out with your dog? Yes. Is that the perfect day? Coco Pips. Oh my God, she's so fucking cute.

Um, can we, Tony's crying. I just love her so much. Yep. Normal or not. This week is going to be a write-off. It's my hormones. I've got a baby. Oh, my God.

I'm going to have to name dog owner Tony because I'm already nervous for her. And the reason I ask, obviously, we did the opposite on the weekend. We had, what time did we have wings and beers on Saturday? Oh, like 8.15am. Yep. Didn't hate it. Didn't hate it. Well, I didn't love it either, but didn't hate it.

I'll be honest. I am a big fan of leftovers. Same. I know not everyone is though. So I would happily eat leftover butter chicken for breakfast. Like that wouldn't fucking phase me one iota. I'm with you. I'm not phased by and I'm also not phased about like dinner has to be this extravagant.

No. Because it would be like we have a big lunch and I go, oh, yeah, dinner. I'll just have the cereal. I'll have the leftovers. Yeah. But Bridget's like, no, like dinner is like the important meal. Oh, no. Yeah, if we have a big lunch or a late lunch or something, we'll happily have a sandwich or toast for dinner or I'll make up some eggs on toast or something.

Yeah, great. I'm happy for a slap-up dinner. Oh, you know what goes down well in our house and your house, and I fucking know this for a fact, picky dinner. Like snacks. A bit of cheese, some olives, some crackers, put like some fucking shit in the oven. Oh, goes off like a frog in a fucking socket out place.

Picky dinner. Picky dinner. We just call it snacks. All we want to do tonight, let's just have snacks. Yeah, right. We say picky dinner. Picky dinner. Yeah, so it's like a bit of salami, a bit of cheese.

Yeah, the best. Yeah. Now, Ashley Desbians has written in, normal or nah, blowing your nose in the shower? Oh, normal. Yeah, normal. I always do. It's the perfect time because the hot water, like, gets up,

loosens all the mucus and you get a good honking. A great honk. A great honk. Hey, question. You going right into the hand? Hang on. Let's count down from three. Hang on. When you say in the hand? Hang on. Let's count down from three. Hang on.

When you say in your hand, what do you mean? You just go in your hand. In the shower? Yep. Three, two, one. Yes. You're disgusting. Oh, my God.

Yeah, because you're in there. You're washing your face. But you don't have to in your hand because you're in the shower. I just give it the old, is that like the Bushman's blow? Oh, so you cover one nostril and just like honk it out? Yeah, straight down the drain. Oh, no, I honk it into my hand and then just like wash my hands. They're both pretty gross, to be fair.

Yeah, Ashley Desvien say, I say yes, especially when you have a cold and the warm, humid air loosens everything up. Ashley, we're on the same page, girl. My boyfriend says, nah, it's gross. I need to know what y'all think because we cannot come to an agreement on this one. Nah, I do it. I think normal. Torbs does it too.

I don't think I've ever been in someone's house while they've been having a shower and not heard them have a honk in the shower. It's just a normal sound. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Lay it on me. I get a bit of hay fever. It's hay fever season.

Oh, I get it. Something chronic, especially since moving to Melbourne. Yeah. Melbourne does not agree with me. Like I've never had psoriasis in my life and I get it so badly in Melbourne. Maybe it's a Richmond thing because I've never really had it that bad either until I've lived here. Yeah. And now like my elbows, my legs, everything.

So instead of using a tissue, I'll prefer to just go to the sink and give it a big honk. Oh, then obviously like wash it all down and stuff. Is that a – That's a nah from me, dog. Just go into the sink and just – because you get it all out and it's not like and then you can just like let it rain then you kind of you know wash your face flat tidy yourself up no okay cool cool cool that's actually a bit far like i know i say some fucked things i've never put soap inside

me so don't you fucking get on your high horse no i'll have i use a loofer actually now i've got one of those like rubber things with the long end with the rubber bristles so it doesn't get mouldy or anything in the shower and you can like it reach you back. Anyway. Are you saying that's cooked? I think that's a bit cooked. Let us know if you think that Ryan blowing his nose in the sink

during the day is cooked. Can I just add, in my defence, like I don't want to be doing it. Like it's when you like, don't fucking pull that face at me. What's the difference between just using a tissue? Well, I think what it is is because, and you've seen me when I'm having like a sneezing. Yeah. I get on a roll.

You do get on a roll. And I'm waiting for like. It's lots of attention that you crave. Oh, fuck off. I think it's like when people sneeze a lot in a row. Please be quiet. A woman is speaking. When you do lots of sneezes in a row,

you're begging for a bless you. You're begging for a bless you. And you know who would do that? Someone who wears a V-neck. That's you. You love V-necks. What has happened to this? I have sneezed in front of you and you've gone, bless you, and then I've sneezed again and you go, you only fucking get one.

Yep, because you do. You get one. And, like, it's a bit of carry-on, I think, associated with many sneezes. Sneezes are involuntary. No, everyone. I do two in a row every time. I've never done more, never done less. I was a three guy.

Oh, you fucking would be. Three neck. But like I'd never done two, never done four. But then you've seen me. I've been doing fucking 10 or 15. A girl that I went to school with, she would always do nine. Really? Yeah, and so she'd be sitting there and she'd sneeze once

and you'd go, fucking here we go. Fucking set away the next 10 minutes because she's going to be sneezing. So you hear one and then you go, fucking hell, eight more to come. All right, normal or nah, having a specific number of times that you sneeze. Normal. So you're a two girl. I'm a two. Always have been, always will be.

I was a three guy and now you're telling me you went to a school with a nine girl? Yeah, tell us. Have you got more? Have you got less? Have you never sneezed? No. Is that possible? No, I don't think so.

Do you think that like a loud sneeze is normal? So when I first started dating. I hate when people do that little fucking thing. And I'm like, it's still in there somewhere. That makes me want to fucking. When I hear. You do that, you're probably going to shit yourself because the air needs to go someplace. Surely your brain is just going to come out of your ears

like a Play-Doh factory. Thank you. So when I first started doing it with Torbs, right, nine fucking years ago, when he sneezed he went, and I was like, bro, you need to let that out. He's going to blow a casket. Yes. Did you just a casket. Yes. Did you just say casket?

What's the word? Gasket. A casket's what you get buried in. Yeah, I know. A casket's pretty close to casket. I know they're not the same thing. Mate, you're going to blow a casket. Yeah.

And I was like, mate, you need to let that out. I'll regret it. Because now when he sneezes, he goes, ah! Yeah. No one needs that, mate. No, let it out. I agree with letting it out, but now it's over the top. So one of the main reasons that Bridget and I want to have children is because she goes, you've started sneezing like a dad and now.

You're right. That is 100% what it is. She goes, we need children to justify this dad energy coming from your sneezes. Anyway, because I get on and run with sneezes and my nose gets really sore. Like, you know, when you've blown your nose 10 times. And you get little crispy bits around your nose.

Your nose gets red and I've already got like kind of dry skin around my nose and stuff. And so like the more, you know, after the fifth time you get the tissue, it starts getting really rough. And I'm like, why don't I just skip the middleman and just get it straight down the sink? What if we bought you a really nice hanky? They are the grossest,

foulest fucking things ever. You're carrying around your, like think about the germs you're carrying around with you. At least when you blow your nose into a tissue or down the sink, it goes away. It goes into the bin. It goes down the sink. You're going to put that back in your pocket and then pull it out in a fucking cafe? And there's just nothing worse than seeing someone.

What a pandemic, mate. There's just nothing worse than seeing someone pull out a hanky and you just go, oh, sorry to hear that you're a virgin. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Sorry. I've had sex before. Yeah.

And also that when they've like like, used it two or three times and then you can see them like. Sorry. Oh, that was actually close. You close? Yeah. Oh, God. Yep.

And then they've used it two or three times. I don't know what you're going to say. I don't know who to throw. Oh, my God. Are you? Sorry. This is actually going to? Sorry. This is actually.

Get that. Yeah, okay. Get that thing over there. Get that burn. If you spew, spew into the pot plant. Yeah, I will. I will. All right.

Here we go. Yep. They've used it two or three times. And you see them looking for some spare space, some spare surface on the hanky. And they're running low on surface. Tony's actually not looking great. Yeah, sorry. That's made me feel really crook.

Or, like, if it's, like, a light-coloured hanky and you see the dark middle of the hanky where that is. Sorry. I'm really sorry because this is not okay. But spread awareness. Don't use hankies. I'm sorry for suggesting it. I'm sorry for bringing the darkness of a hanky to this show.

It's a dark magic, a hanky. It really is. Fuck, do we need to – let me have a – you have a sip of your talk. Yeah, sorry. Wow. And sorry to everyone I had to live through. Sorry. Everyone take five.

Oh, fuck. Oh, my gosh. Wow. And sorry to everyone I had to live for. Sorry. Everyone take five. Oh, fuck. My gosh. Yep. Do you have one to round us out or are we going to the break on that? No, we can't go to the break on that. Let me just look for it. Okay. All right.

Thank God. Ryan's about to save the day. Let's just lighten it up. Here we go. Let's lighten it up. I've skipped another one. We'll save that for next week. Devin Torbenheen, which is a relation to your partner, Alex Torbenstein,

from the Torberone fortune. Normal or nah? Just faking it every day at work, says Devin. Like you're expected to know something, a task, an answer, a procedure, a button, but you just kind of don't. And then it's been too long to go to your boss and be like, hey, you know that thing I've been doing every day for five years? How do you do that?

And there's big Tony energy about this because it's like if I ask. It's too late to ask now. Well, I'm telling them that I don't know. I'm admitting defeat. Yeah. I'm going to say normal because I've definitely worked in jobs where I've had to just like fake it and Google it and hope for the best. Devon said she's been in her job for years and has no idea how to do it.

Devon. And she just rolls in and goes, oh, yeah, you know, just fake it till you make it, Doug. But, Devon, I feel like maybe a week in, I'd understand that, maybe two months, but years? Years. Are we sure that they're employed there? Are we sure, Devin, actually?

Yeah, I mean, money is hitting the account. And she said the longer it goes on, the worse it is to ask. I do agree with that. And she's like, I've got to that stage where I'm like, she's just hanging on. As in, like, I'm just going to hold out. And then seven years, I've got to that stage where I'm like, she's just hanging on. As in like, I'm just going to hold out. And then seven years they're going to go, oh, Devin, we've got this new person.

Can you teach them what you do? And she's going to go, I quit. Yeah. I never really knew. I'll take my long service leave. Fuck, Devin, you are. That's bold. Thank you for setting through that question.

Yeah. I want to know other people that are faking it at their job. What's a task that you're asked to do all the time and you go, fuck, like can you help me out? Like you ask Bill from the next desk over and you go, can you feel that thing out? I don't know how to do it. Is there something that you don't know how to do that people probably

think you have, like in a workplace environment? So while you think of that, when I worked in radio as well as like hosting the show, I would like control the panel, which is all the buttons and stuff. Yep, yep. And so it's actually different in different countries and stuff. So in England it's like obvious. But in Australia a lot of hosts don't do the buttons. They just sit there and someone, like a producer,

presses play on the songs. And turns their microphones on and stuff. Yeah, all that kind of stuff. But I did that as well as hosting the show. There's a lot of buttons there. A lot. And a lot of stuff like I just didn't know what it did. Yeah.

Like I just knew the two buttons, like the mic on, mic off. You're not a great tech guy, you know? No, I'm not. And then what used to happen is we used to take a network show. Uh-huh. So what that means, similar to like a Ryan Seacrest or – I know in the UK, there's a lot of shows that are from London, but they get sent right around the UK to all the different local

stations. And they just play the same thing out everywhere. Yeah. And so someone said, when our show finishes and you go to this network show, like, how do you turn that on? And I remember saying like, I don't know, it just plays. You're just winging it every time. So I would have assumed there's like a button or a fader where you go, yeah, it comes through this channel so I just make sure that channel's up and it comes through. I don't know where it comes from. It just starts playing at 9 o'clock.

So we get our breakfast show, 6 till 9, and then at 9 o'clock this other show would just start playing. And I'm in control of the whole station because I've got all the buttons. Years. Don't know where it came from. Oh, no, I couldn't do that. I could not do that. Yeah.

But then someone comes in and goes, oh, sorry, how does that work? And I went, I don't know. It just plays. I just hope for the best every day. Yep. Ryan Seacrest. Oh, here he comes. Thank God it's worked again.

I'm offering coffee. Hi, it's Morgan from Bendigo Australia and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show, Suburban Dad returns. And not only will Suburban Dad be here, it's a vodcast tomorrow so you can watch Suburban Dad. Should we get like a – we should have organised a costume or something. What would Suburban Dad wear, like in a Cobra and a singlet or something?

Yeah. Actually, I'll make a separate post in the Facebook group. What should Subur suburban dad wear? And then we'll, not for tomorrow, but we'll chip away. Yeah, we'll find the perfect suburban dad. Maybe a Bintang t-shirt or something else. Yeah, I think some stubby shorts. Okay, well, you won't be able to see my legs.

I'll see it, though. Oh, I'll shut my hands off you. And you'll feel it. I'll feel it. You'll know. Yeah, I'll be in, oh, we'll get me some RM Williams, but like real beat up old ones. I was going to say, can I have a new one? That's like public, private school boy energy.

Also, speaking of Suburban Dad, annoyingly, people love the idea of Suburban Dad hosting a tour of my new house. I love it too. I hate that. I love it. It's going to be so much fun. I thought it was going to be like Tony doing an AD, like here's Ryan's house, how nice is this?

I'm not chic enough. If I was cooler, I could do that, but I probably am better off like leaning into the suburban dad. But that's where the costume will be important. Can people come? Yeah, but there might be a turf war because Bronson will be there. Because BJ, yeah, okay. But again, once BJ learns that it's his house and he feels safe.

Then we'll be fine. And we can have playdates all the time. Oh, my God. Because I've got a backyard now. They can run around. Oh, well, I mean, I've got that it's his house and he feels safe. Then we'll be fine. And we can have playdates all the time. Oh, my God. Because I've got a backyard now. They can run around. Oh, well, I mean, I've got that huge palatial courtyard. Oh, yeah. I'll just bring BJ around to your place.

Forget I said anything. You guys could move into our backyard probably. We'll just get one of those sea container houses. I'll put a tiny house there. Yeah. A big thank you to a few of our champion typers over at our Patreon. You can check it out at the link in our show notes. Zeres Espinosa, thank you so much.

Lion? Ryan Brennan. Sorry, it literally is just lion. I'm not lion. What kind of animal is Simba? Puppy. Ryan Brennan, thank you so much. Emily Wakingi.

Cuddles Hucklebunny. Another Christian name, I think. Good luck picking that up from the post office. Yeah, God, hope that's on your license. Blake Matheson, Mackenzie Scott, Fishy, fucking, we've got a bloody menagerie today. Tay Bruno, Alex Hunt, and Ash Sharp. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. Thanks, Sharpie.

We fucking actually love to see it. I've been chatting to heaps of people on Patreon recently, and I love it. They always send through real quirky shit. Yeah, I love it too. Thank you so much to everyone who's getting around us. We fucking love it. We love to fucking see it. Yeah.

Somebody messaged the other day and said, my girlfriend is the, like, messaged me directly on Instagram and said, my girlfriend is the biggest fan of your podcast except for maybe your mum. Yeah. So obviously not a big fan. Well, the girlfriend's a fan, not the person that messaged you. Yeah, not the boyfriend.

Did you? I haven't replied yet. Had a bit of a cry. And then I was like, I'm going to come back to that one. Thank you, girlfriend, for me. Fucking love to see it. You should just say, ask your girlfriend why that message wasn't appropriate. Oh, that's funny.

And then they'll go, oh, what? And the girlfriend will be beside herself. She'll go, oh, Tony's mum fucking isn't with us. I don't know what I was about to say then. I was about to say. Sorry, that was such a bad time to take a sip. Tony's mum is fucking not with us. No, I was about to say.

You went suburban, Dad. Tony's mum fucking, you know, she fucking cucked it. She's fucking off the deep end, mate. Yeah, she fucking fell off the perch, mate. Yeah, she's fucking not with us anymore. I was about to say I went out to get some cigarettes and never came back. And then I realised I've got my stories mixed up.

Yeah. Yeah, so my mistake. Hate to make it about you, mate. Anyway. Was your mum a dog about you, mate. Anyway. Was your mum a dog person? Yes, she was. Would she have been a grandma or a nana? Grandma.

Grandma. Yeah. So to all my nieces and nephews, she's grandma. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, it is, isn't it? What's your mum going to be and what is she to be?

Oh, Yaya. Yaya. She's Yaya. The Greek version. Yeah. Well, mum said, I'm not old enough to be a grandma. You know, like they get a bit of that. I love that. And your mum is so quirky and fun.

Like she's real arty. She wears colourful glasses and like. And she's like, oh, no, grandma sounds old. And I was like, fine, I'm calling you Yaya. And she just went, okay. I like Yaya. And then I've said, oh, if Bridget and I have kids, like now that BJ knows who is Yaya, you Yaya. And she just went, okay. I like Yaya. And then I've said, oh, if Bridget and I have kids, like now that BJ knows who is Yaya, it's stuck.

And she just goes, okay. I think it really suits her. It does. Yeah. It does. Fuck, I forgot we were doing this. Do you know someone who is a walking contradiction? Says one thing, does the other.

Says one thing one day and says the complete opposite the next. One thing that boggles my mind about Tony Lodge is this walking contradiction. And again, it's not about talking shit. No. It's just a bit of a mismatch in behaviours and maybe a... Do you think I summed it up before when I said the person you want to be versus the person we are?

Yeah, it's like I'm a really lazy perfectionist. Yes. That's poetic. Thanks. Like I want things to be right and I want to be great at everything that I do but I also get lazy and I forget. I like don't always have my eyes on the prize. So I'll go like like oh I'm gonna

work out every day this week because like it like clears my brain like makes me feel really good um but then on in the morning my alarm will go off and I'm like oh I just need a bit of extra sleep I'm like hang on so like which goal am I going for here I've just always got lots of things on the go yeah like I want to sleep more to go. I want to sleep more to be healthier. I want to exercise more to be healthier. I want to go to bed earlier but I also love this new show we're watching. You know, like there's all these things going on all the time.

I'm never more motivated to go to the gym than at a time when I cannot go to the gym. Oh, sing it sister. I fucking ate shit on my scooter the other day so I can't do anything. Like I'm fucking limping around like a cockhead. And so because you can't do exercise, I'm guessing in your mind you're like,

yep, I'm going to run twice a day. I can't wait to get back into it. Yeah, I'm like, oh, God, if only I could fucking exercise because I woke up early this morning. And now I'm stranded here with a sore ankle. Oh, now I can't do anything. God, I'll have to just like do some arm stuff because I can't, you know, like what a fuckhead.

Why didn't I just do it when I could? The one thing that does me in, and again, this isn't like a fuck you, it's just like an observation that I find interesting. Here we go. Is that you hate not knowing things. And I love that because I like people are curious they want to find out i like really respect that i just also like being across like what we're doing yep and stuff like it's never like why didn't you tell me it's like oh i actually want to know yeah yeah but you hate

learning and refuse to learn and the thing about so you really want to know something. Yeah. But you refuse to learn it. And here's the thing. The way to go from not knowing something to knowing something is to learn. Okay. Can you see why from the outside this is hard to, because you go, I'd really love to know. Is really coming across as aggressive. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's not the intention. But what, so when you're like, I'd really love to know about this, and I go, cool, here's how we can learn about it, and you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, okay. So I don't like to fail.

Again, lazy perfectionist. If you ever write a book, I actually love that as a name of a book. Oh, that is fun. Can you see it? Yeah. The Lazy Perfectionist. It's like one of those. It sounds like a self-help book, doesn't it? It does, actually. Oh, that is fun. Can you see it? Yeah. The Lazy Perfectionist. It's like one of those. It sounds like a self-help book, doesn't it?

It does, actually. Yeah, it really does. Like The Lazy Girl's Guide to Perfectionism or something. And it's like you'd have like events and shows and you do a meditation. I could start another podcast. Yeah, The Lazy Perfectionist. Hey, ladies. Hey, lazies.

I'm so funny. Keep being crazy, being a lazy. Last I'm there, I'm all like, lazy fair. Being lazy doesn't faze me. Being lazy doesn't faze me. Oh, I'm lazy and amazing. Okay, anyway, back to the topic. Do you prefer Kanye?

No, Jay-Z. You know that cartoon about that little mouse? Yeah, Maisie. Sorry, I'm a bit tired. I'm a little bit daisy. Okay, anyway. How do you play Tiggie? Oh, just chase me. What's Tiggie?

Are you joking? Like tag? What's the first game you joking? Like tag? What's the first game you play in primary school? In WA it's called Chasey. Oh. Oh. Yeah, sorry. Explains so much about you.

Sorry, continue. Where the fuck were we even talking about? I fucking can't even remember. Can we end this? No. So, lazy perfectionist. Yeah, defend yourself. So, I don't like to fail.

Yeah. I mean, who does? No, of course. And so like the lazy perfectionist in me is like I don't want to fail, so I don't want to do it because if I do it, it gives me an opportunity to like not do it well. And so when I don't want to learn, I mean like I feel like the learning process is where you like, you know, muck up and you do things and you like maybe misstep or whatever.

But I just want to know. And I don't like, I like taking the chance out of my day, right? Yes. So when I think about like taking a chance on something, I'm like I don't like taking chances. Okay, so you write the blog from the desk of Dr. Tony Lodge. Yes. You are the chief copywriter of TARP because my, you know,

spelling and English skills aren't the best between the two of us. That's okay. You do things that I'm not very good at. And you, I'm not just like fucking gassing you up for the sake of it. You are a good writer. Thank you. Like you're good. There's a reason why you're the chief of words of this podcast.

I really appreciate that. And people are loving the blog. And so then I have a subscription to Masterclass. Yes. The online learning. Yeah. And Judd Apatow, who wrote 40-Year-Old Virgin, who wrote. Everything.

Every great movie. Every comedy you've ever enjoyed. He's got this master class about like writing like specifically about writing stuff that's fun yep and i go oh since you're like loving the writing do you want to use my password i mean do you want me to buy you a subscription obviously we never share a password support the arts support the arts i mean fucking john affertow is good for it. Fuck.

Yeah, forget. So I was like, hey, Tony, why don't I buy you this subscription? I've seen this. It might interest you to buy your own subscription. And you were like, who the fuck do you? Like, you were like so, you were shaken and stirred. You were James Bond. And you were kind of like, and I get it. You're like, but I know how to write. Like, what the fuck? You were like Bond And you were kind of like And I get it You're like But I know how to write

Like what the fuck You were like so offended I wasn't offended It was like You weren't pleasant about it But I was like I already know how to do it Yeah

But wouldn't you like Learn from like the best And just find little tidbits And just enjoy the process Of figuring out something new And this is when I was like No Tony would not like that. But, like, I've already got my style.

I know how I like to write. And so if it was, like, script writing or something, then I think I probably, because it's a different thing, but, like, in terms of writing the way that I write, I write the way that I write and that's just how I write and people like it. Oh, they do. Why would I fix what's not broken?

That's my... I think that people like it. Oh, they do. Why would I fix what's not broken? And that's my. I think that even the word fix is like. Yeah. Like there's something in you goes, oh, I'm not trying to fix. And it's maybe like where he comes up with ideas. It's not like grammar. It's not like you put that word there wrong. Do you want to watch it?

Yeah, I do. And I have. And it's fascinating. Yeah. And because he's like, oh, when I wrote Freaks and Geeks, here's how I like came up with this and here's how we did that. And I was just like, it's just fascinating to watch. And often because we're not like, you know, get all business chat.

Us doing this podcast, we're like every day navigating like what the fuck it means to be like we have a business with the two of us. Yeah. How the fuck does that even work? A hundred percent. And so I'll often go, oh, I saw this YouTube clip about these other guys doing a podcast. Here's how they like do it. And you're like, I don't care.

Okay. I don't think I've ever said I don't care. How many times have I sent you a Colin and Samir video? And I go, this is fascinating. We should, we could learn from this. And you go, oh. No, I always go, okay, I'll watch that. And then you don't watch it.

But then I don't. Okay, let's get into something more basic. I wanted to send you some money the other day. For the Masterclass subscription. For the Masterclass subscription. Because we weren't sharing passwords. They would obviously bought. Yep, yep.

And I go, I'll send it to you on PayPal. And you went, oh, I don't know that. And I don't sharing passwords. Yep, yep. And I go, I'll send it to you on PayPal. And you went, oh, I don't know that and I don't like learning. And I'm like, okay, what do you need to do? I said I didn't understand PayPal and I don't really trust it is what I said. Okay. And so because I'm now the chief of shipping, I've got to learn how to send money and receive money. Yeah.

All you needed to do was provide me your email address and the money just appears in your account. And you're like, I don't get it. I don't like learning new things. Okay. Hang on. You're scared of Apple Pay. That's very different.

That's complicated. It's not. All you do is you put your card into your phone. No, I don't get it. And then look at this. Look, ready? What you put your card into your phone. No, I don't get it. And then look at this. Look, ready? What do you mean card in your phone? You push one button and your bank card's there.

And then all your cards are there. I've got my VAC certificate. I've got my Medibank private, my flybys, all my bank cards. How did you do that? Mate, I could do this for you. And then literally all you do is double click. How do you add stuff to it? How do you put a card in a phone? I know. do this for you. And then literally all you do is double click. How do you add stuff to it? How do you put a card in a phone?

I know. I can show you. How do you set it up? You know when you buy something online? Do I have to take it to the Apple store to set them up? You know when you buy something online and you put in your little card details? Yeah. Do that.

And then it adds the card to your phone, into your Apple wallet. Is it like in the Google Chrome when it just remembers your passwords? It's a bit like that, yes. But it's in the Apple Pay. So Google's separate to Apple Pay. And it's easy to use? Yeah, it could not be simpler. Look, then you just double click your hold button and then you could go buy something at the cafe.

All good. And what do you mean you've got insurance stuff on there? Well, so then I've got all my insurance information so that if I was at the doctor, I could scan that on my phone instead of needing a physical card. So what do I do when I like at the doctor, I could scan that on my phone instead of like needing a physical card. So what do I do when I'm at the doctor? I've got my Medicare card and everything, which is like so annoying. Yeah, that is so annoying.

Like you've never got it with you? No. No. I think I lost mine. Yeah. So when I go to the doctor or the physio or whatever, they go, do you have insurance? And I say yes.

And they go, what's your number? And I go, I don't know. And they go, okay, cool. You pay for it in full and then we'll email you this receipt. And then they go, yep. And then you get the thing and then you email it to the insurance company. What a fucking yarn. They're like, that's free money for us.

They're not going to deal with it. They're not going to claim that money. No. But now I've got my thing so you get the money straight back. I will set up your Apple Pay for you today. Don set up my paypal it's set up all you need to do is there's nothing to do all right first of all you got yourself a deal so do i need a separate paypal card no just your email address is it a paypal account like I've got to put money in the PayPal account? It's like another bank account? Sort of. No fees for

amateurs like us. So if I was going to use my PayPal to buy something... It's more about transferring money between people and friends rather than at the shops. No, but like eBay. Is that PayPal? Not that I've been on eBay for fucking 10 years. Fuck, didn't

eBay fucking die on the ass? It really did, didn't it? But fuck off eBay. Hey, Amazon. What's up? Although I bought that Young Gravy vinyl from eBay. Oh, did you? That was from eBay.

Whoa. Is that why it took three weeks to come? Yeah, it did take a while, didn't it? Instead of you setting up my Apple Pay, I would like you to show me how to set it up. Yep. You know why? Because then you can do it in the future yourself. Because you like to learn.

Yes, there we are. But see, I would rather just do it for you so that then in the future you go, I'll just do that for you. That's easier for me. So in conclusion. Yep. Lazy perfectionist. Lazy perfectionist.

I like that. I like that. Let me live my lazy life. If anyone would like to come to the lazy perfectionist workshops, and they would be a workshop. Am I speaking to us? All right. We've got to love to see it. I've got to love to see it.

That works perfectly with what we were just talking about. Go on. About being scared of something. This tweet here from Jtrain56, and it says, Nothing is scarier to someone above the age of 30 and having a relaxing drink than watching a DJ start setting up. That is traumatising. Doesn't it, like, trigger you?

Yeah. You know, on an afternoon, we're sitting at the pub and I've got Pippa and you've got BJ and you're having a nice beer and you go, God, this is good. Let's get some fucking salt and pepper calamari and then call it a day. And then some... Could you fucking speak to my soul any more perfectly than that? Isn't that the most perfect afternoon? Should we have dinner?

Nah, but I will go some salt and pepper calamari. Mate, it's a fucking, of course. It won't ruin your dinner, but it will make your afternoon. Put that on a t-shirt. Are we fucking big calamari? It won't ruin your dinner, but it will make your afternoon. Put that on a fucking T-shirt. And that's the kind of, you can come up with this stuff too

if you want to become a lazy perfectionist. We'll teach you the tricks at our workshops. Yeah, just one payment of $399. Yeah, and we'll sell you the course when we're there. And that sent me because then some guy rocks up and he's like, yeah, man, where can I set up my decks? And then he's fucking setting up his thing and you're like. Set up his what?

Decks. DJ decks. Set up my decks. I thought you were saying sit on my dick. Do you want me to? Do you want me to? Say it again. You just said sit on my dick.

Say it again. Set up my decks. Can you hear it now? Yeah. Okay, let me try it. You're sitting there having your drink. Okay. Oh, isn't this calamari just delicious?

Will that ruin your dinner? No, it'll make my afternoon, though. Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Where do I... You sit on my dick? I'm going to do it right now if you want. I've got a bit of a busted ankle, but shouldn't hinder my moves.

Torbs, can you hold Pippa? Oh, wow, I'm at my best, but I'm on my back anyway. And I'll show you things that won't ruin your dinner, but will make your heart to me sitting on your dick. I'm about to piss myself. That will make your afternoon though. Yeah, it will. Fuck, I'm crying.

That is so funny. You can have a bit of me if you want. It won't ruin your day. Fucking hell. Have you... Your eyes. Oh, my God. It's sending me.

I'm crying. I'm laughing. And I also nearly pissed myself when you said that. With your sore ankle from falling off the scooter. Yeah. Have you... Because you don't have to elevate it. Yes.

So the blood doesn't rush to it. Uh-huh. I know I offered to say... I think we can all say this joke, so let's just pretend that I've... And I can see the position as well. Is this what you're talking about? That would be my back and that would be my legs? Fucking hell.

This is the worst wake- of podcast we've ever done. I'm sorry to everyone. I have no idea what we're talking about. Sorry, I've had a rough night. You've meant the love of your life. We're thrown. We're flapped. Mate, I'm the least flapped I've ever been.

I bought a dog on the weekend. Do you have a love to see it to smarten up the pod? Well, definitely won't do that, but I do have a love to see it. Tapa Eve Girdwood. She was inspired by Tony. Was she Eve? Because when you were chatting about getting a dog, she was like, oh, I want some pets in my life.

So have a look. I'll show you on the computer here. She got two little goats. Oh, my God. Look how fucking cute they are. Oh, my God. But honestly, are they not the cutest little guys you've ever seen? They are adorable.

I love the one in the front. It's got like a weird snout. Yeah, they're so cute. Do you want to know these? Because Eve just got them. Can you have goats in a house? Is Eve living on property, do you reckon? It looks like in the picture that she's got a...

They're currently like in a barn. So I'm going to assume there's a lot of space. She's got a bit of space, right. The names of her new goats. Yeah. Tony and Ryan. Well, that's fucking adorable. That'll make your afternoon.

We could take them to the pub. Can you imagine just rolling in there with some goats? Yeah, and we'll have three serves of the salt and pepper calamari because we've got six pets with us. What's on the kids' menu? Can I get that salad but hold the goats' cheese? It's a bit triggering for them. No, Antonia and Ryan are just like, that's my cheese.

That's good. Oh, the goat's chest. Oh, the kids menu. That is fucking quality gear from you, the kids menu. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, that's probably as good as it gets for me. And not that it was that great. It's just I'm not normally that good.

Yeah, that was fucking phenomenal. You know what? Let's save everybody from this and get the fuck out of here. Thank you. We're back tomorrow. Full episode on the vodcast. Yeah. Maybe we'll do a little infomercial about how to watch it on your smart TV.

We're going to do that. Yes. Keep an eye on the socials. Yeah, keep an eye on the socials because we'll make something so that everyone can stream it to their TV because people are feeling lost. They don't know how to do it. But full vodcast tomorrow and Suburban Dad's back. He's fucking back with a vengeance.

I need to go and get a tissue, not to blow my nose, obviously, but to dry my eyes from crying. So good. We fucking love you and we'll see you tomorrow. Go and enjoy your afternoon. Go and sit on a deck and have some calamari. Salt and pepper calamari. Yeah, won't ruin

your dinner, but it'll make your afternoon. Fuck me. Love you, bye.