Toni and Ryan - Socks On A Plane

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Ryan has found himself in a very WEIRD position - and we chat circumcision. Of course. Love ya xoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Hello. It's my pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me. It's actually my pleasure. It's actually, I'll give you some pleasure. All right. We're both pleasuring each other. Is that, is that? Oh, no. We'll pleasure each other while we call Pedro on the phone. Yeah. Now Pedro is a Colombian that now lives in Sicily. Sicily. It's Sicily.

Pedro's actually an engineer, so we've got something to chat about. Hello? Pedro! Hi. Hi, Sydney. Hello. How's Sydney today? Do you feel like a closeness with Tony Lodge because you are a civil engineer

and she's a sound engineer? Is it like an engineer's vibe? Yeah, the engineer code, Pedro. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because we could talk all day about engineer chat. We've the engineer code. Pedro. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because we could talk all day about engineer chat. Yeah, I would love to.

I'm always working and I'm listening to you, so it's kind of like, that's how it is. Pedro, will you approve today's episode? I would love to approve this podcast. Hey, this is Pedro from Sydney, Australia, and I approve this bunker. All right, coming up today, I created a real-life nightmare for someone on a flight, and I am sorry, and it's fucked, and I'll share it with you,

and it's probably top five worst things I've done in my life. You know that Nick Cody, the comedian, how he has that podcast mid-flight brawl, and they share plain horror stories? This might be on there. I was about to say maybe they'll copy this audio and use it on there. I'll message Nick Cody and be like, hey, mate, if you need a story. A lot of my friends think I looked like Nick Cody. You did back when you had the high hair.

And then when he got that job on Fox, people messaged me in the billboards and said congratulations. That's really so hilarious. There's one specific shot on the billboard. It just was all right. It just looked just like you. Yeah, and my friends went, oh, Ryan works in radio. That guy's got a ginger beard.

Must be him. Yeah. Good friends. Yeah. Very supportive of Nick Cody's career. They've been propping Cody up for years. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't get much of a word in, though, on that show.

Yeah, he's not chatting a lot. There's a third guy, though, that he's fucking giving it all out. He's fucking yappy. He's done some stuff with Aunty Donna as well. It's very, very funny. I like Nick Cody. Yeah, me too. He's fucking hilarious.

Anyway, Nick Cody aside. No, that's it. No, that's just Nick Cody. That's just it. My love to say it is Nick Cody. But yeah, our mid-fight brawl chat. Brawl chat. Ball.

I'm trying to say brawl chat. I'm saying ball chat. That's coming up soon. But first, these are top confessions. Tony and Ryan podcast. Send in their anonymous, very anonymous, annoyingly anonymous confessions. Fucked things that have happened to you. Tell us about it.

There's a bit of a theme today. I love a theme. You know how, like, as humans, naturally, we, like, look for patterns? I love a theme You know how like as humans naturally we like look for patterns Today's pattern is I'm Dreading that I'm gonna have to try And explain this to a doctor

You know what I mean Oh no my cock just fell into the Vitamin water bottle It's such a big rim I was gardening and I just landed on the hose Must be hard for you there's always hose around Jose a big rim. I didn't have no idea. Oh, I was gardening and I just landed on the hose. Must be hard for you. There's always hose around.

Jose? That's the guy's name who was playing on him. What? I obviously went for hose like H-O-E-S. Yeah. Let's call this confession in the heat of the moment. God. We've got nothing on Nick Cody. Hear that gear? Wow. This confession is about a deep heat sedent.

No. Oh, my God. And anyone that's had a deep heat sedent knows that's a mistake you only make once. This is why I'm not an athlete. I can't be trusted with Tiger Balm. You hear Tiger Balm, you go, athlete, bad news. Like, I just can't. Confessioner says, anyone who was in a relationship at age 18 knows

you rarely massage each other without end up doing the hippity-dippity right is that fair play i also reckon that the massaging each other it comes a bit late like it's an older thing like i don't think that i ever really engaged in that as like a younger person really but like since i've gotten older and I'm like, I actually need you to massage my back, I will suck your dick after as a thank you. But I don't think I ever like did that as like foreplay, I guess is like the thing.

But it usually starts with I've got a sore, like I genuinely want a massage. But I never had a sore back as a young person because I wasn't a decrepit old bitch. But now I actually have a sore back and I'm like, I reckon I've got some pull here. I will suck your dick after. This will save me $60.

I won't have to put it through my insurance. After applying some deep heat to my boyfriend's sore back, we ended up doing it and it was hot, but then it got really hot. You wouldn't use deep heat while you were massaging like that. No, but it starts as a genuine massage. Like, I've got a sore back. Yeah, all good.

And then you massage it for a while and you kind of go, oh. Yeah, done. I'm getting hot already. Yeah. And then you massage it for a while and you kind of go, oh, okay. Yeah, don't. I'm getting hot already. Yeah. My deep heat-soaked massage hands ended up on his dick,

which ended up inside my vagina. And after a minute of thrusting, we both stopped, looked at each other with fear in our eyes once we realised what we'd just done. I jumped off him like a cat would jump off a hot tin roof. Very visual. I love it. We both ran to the shower and tried to relieve the pain and wash the deep heat and our sins

off our person. Getting it off the penis would be tough, but getting it out of a pussy would be tougher. I think. Like, because it'd be right in there. Well, I think the in there at the tip of the penis, like once it gets in. Do you reckon it would be worse if you weren't circumcised as well? Because it'd get right in the turtleneck? Probably. Yeah. So that would would be worse if you weren't circumcised as well because you get right in the turtleneck? Probably.

Yeah. So that would be for you because you're not circumcised. Well, you are circumcised. Why do you always have to? I can just never remember. You don't need to remember. I do need to remember. You're not circumcised.

Cam knows. Yeah, just go to helmetorhoodie.com slash in Ryan John and you'll find out. Is that a website? Are you joking? Is that actually a website? Just Google helmet or hoodie. It's probably like ajohn and you'll find out. Is that a website? Are you joking? Is that actually a website? Just Google helmet or hoodie. It's probably like a Tumblr site or something. Oh, I remember Tumblr.

Or maybe it's no longer since they. Oh, hoodieorhelmet.com it is. Ben and Liam are on here. Really? They're the ones that come up like on the homepage. Oh, my God. This is so funny. Ben and Liam are on the homepage that comes up on Google

I'm going to click on it I'm going to click on it Latest posts well known Aussies Hang on let's call them They've just finished their show Yeah we've got to give them a shot Hey bro how you doing Not too bad you're currently on the tony and ryan podcast you guys have finished the show good show this morning great show this morning thank you

love to the 8 10 break yeah um random one we were just talking about foreskins and i said to tony google hoodie or helmet and she typed it into Google and the first picture that came up was you and Ben. Oh, interesting. What's going on with the SEO guys down there at Nova? Did you know that was the case? I didn't know that was the case. I mean, good to see we are getting some traction.

Literally, I see. One of us is one and one of us is the other, and it was mentioned on air at some point earlier in the year, but I wasn't sure there was Google articles. It's Googleable. Well, you literally just type hoodie or helmet, and the first photo that pops up is the two of you guys. For real?

Yeah. Ben, can you type in hoodie For real? Yeah. Ooh. Hey, Ben, can you type in hoodie or helmet? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yep, no, yep. Oh, no, there we are. Hoodie or helmet Australia. Oh, what the hell?

What the hell? Yeah, so, like, what is that? Is that? Yeah, okay. And it's a good pump-up because it says latest Aussie celebs. So, I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Look at that voice. Is this a database of people in Australian media with circumcision?

You just type in anyone with a penis and it'll tell you what they're packing or not packing, as it were. Or not packing. I mean, you've got the article in front of you, I'm sure, but Ryan and or Tony, what do I sound like? Do I sound like a hoodie guy or a helmet guy? You've got a foreskin. I reckon Ben doesn't.

Correct. Bang on. Bang on, Z. I know my Aussie slacks. Take me to a trivia night, chap. Maybe, I don't know if you guys already did this, I'd hate to steal your gear, but should we get like tapas to call in and then Tony will decide just by their voice?

Yep, I can do that. I can look at a photo and decide whether someone's circumcised. Not a photo of their cock. That would be too easy. That would be too easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool. Love you guys.

Love you guys. Well, I mean, it's all for research, all for science. Do we, another confession or is that? Message through everyone. Yes. Send me a photo of your face and I'll be able to decide whether you've got a penis. That'll be a bit easier.

I reckon. Should I finish this confession? We're going for time. Should we save it? Let me just finish this one. All right. And I'll do that. Yeah.

We stayed in the shower until the burn. Oh, my God, the deep heat. Yeah. Sorry, yeah. We stayed in the shower until the burn started to ease and we thought we were in the clear until the next day when my partner's penis started peeling. What?

And an hour later. Like a sunburn? Yep. And an hour later. Like a sunburn? Yep. And an hour later, there we were. That couple in the hospital explaining the situation to the doctor, praying this moment would end. She should have Googled him. That would have avoided all of this.

Can't burn a helmet, mate. Hey, this is Pedro from Sydney, Australia, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. That's tapas, Tony and Ryan podcast. You can go check out our Patreon whenever you like. We'd put heaps of cool stuff in there. A few of the people in there.

Did you see the photo I put in of a t-shirt? Did you see the message that I sent you about that? Obviously not. What was it? Well, you put in a picture of you wearing undisclosed item. If you'd like to see it, you can have a look. Yes. Yep.

And someone under it said merch. Oh. And I messaged you and said, that's fun. Okay. Don't you think? Well, you weren't as enthusiastic when the said item was delivered. Okay. Well, I was given a lot of shit about that specific thing in our meet and greets.

And you know what? The traveling takes its toll, plus this emotional traumatic event being brought up to me, you know, while I'm performing. Fair enough. Dort Richard Pallison. Thank you, Dort. Kurt Barnhart. Andy Christensen. Rosie Rich.

Spencer Albert. And Larry S. Larry visited us in Nashville with his dog, Buddy. Oh, Larry. Yeah. Larry and Buddy were a real highlight. And Larry is one of the loveliest guys you'll meet. Loveliest guy ever.

Yeah. What a sweetheart. But thank you so much for being part of our Patreon love set. I think I was someone's real life nightmare. This is not good. So Tony and I both had a bad cough. I had a bad cough and I didn't want to be that guy on a plane coughing. So I got this really hardcore cough tablets and it numbs your throat.

It numbs your esophagus and your insides. You just can't feel anything. It's the, having a cough is the worst because you feel like since COVID, especially eyes are on you. The whole, like the second you start coughing, everyone's like,

well, who was that? Like who's got the lurk in here? On the medication. It says, don't chew it. Don't open the tablet, don't drive or operate machinery afterwards.

Oh, so it's a drowsy one. So is it like a tablet you take, like a tablet with water, or you suck it, like a lozenger? No, and they're like, don't suck it. You need to get it down. You take it straight away. Yep, yep. Because you're a cruncher.

If you have a lozenger. Or is it lozenger or is it lozenge? What a dumb asshole I am. No, you've got to have a smart asshole. DCI. Because you're a cruncher. Yep. Because whenever you have a strep, so you're like. Are you an ice cruncher as well?

Yeah. Torbs does it fucking drive me nuts. I bet. Yeah. I'm on the plane. Yeah. It's dark. Mabel is asleep on my chest.

I put the tablet in my mouth. I grab my drink bottle and the drink bottle's empty. Panic. And I thought, I can't really move. Mabel's asleep. I don't know what to do. I'll just try and like raw dog it and like swallow it down. But there's something in the brain that just will not let you swallow.

A dry. Yeah, it's really hard to do. And within 30 seconds, the outer shell of the tablet was starting to dissolve. To disintegrate. And the numbing effect that was supposed to be in my esophagus and my insides was in my mouth and I couldn't feel my teeth. I couldn't feel myself swallowing. Like my whole mouth.

Like when you go to the dentist. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. And it was like I actually. Was Bridget asleep as well? Yeah, and I couldn't. I had to just like concentrate on the fact that I was just trying to breathe

and I just like how long could it last and not panic. Yeah. I would have thrown up and died. I didn't know if I couldn't feel my teeth with my tongue because my teeth were numb or because my tongue, I couldn't, lost control of it. Or maybe your teeth just fell out. But my whole jaw, everything.

That's fine. I'm actually feeling really sweaty thinking about that because, you know, when you go to the dentist and then you're like, your tongue's like heavy because you don't know where it is and you start to dribble a bit and stuff. Horrible. Yeah. And I was really stressed because I was like, and I'm stuck and I'm on a plane. And you can't swallow it.

But if something was fucked up, I can't call an ambulance. Like, I'm on a plane. Did you ring, like, the call bell to be like, get me some water? You know when they kind of like, they serve the meal and they kind of dim the lights and everyone just kind of. What is, what's the rules? Can you hit the call bell? I think you can.

Or are they sleeping at that time? Is there always someone up? They take a break. There's always someone on, but they do take a break. Because like when you're on the plane and it's dark, you don't want to get up and, like, fuck off the people next to you. But I feel really pass-ag like hitting the bell. I think Mabel could tell that I was stressed because she woke up

and was a bit, like, distressed. What's going on? Yeah. But then I noticed her sock had fallen off. And you know how the plane can be a bit drafty and a bit cold? Oh, yeah. And I think just having one sock off and a cold foot. Oh, it throws you off.

Yeah. And so it's still dark. She's on my chest. And I'm like, oh, where's her sock gone? So I go down to grab it. And I grab the, you can't see the white sock, but you can just see white, you know? So I go and grab, and it was like the top of a yogurt container. So I'm like, oh, that's not it.

Oh, ew. And then I grab. That's fucking disgusting. I see in my seat some white and I go to grab it and it's just one of those like custom forms that I have to fill out eventually. For fuck. And you've still got this tablet in your mouth. Well, it's, yeah, it's just dissolved and yeah.

And then I see down below me, oh, I think that's the white sock. So I reach down beside me. Yeah. And go to grab this white sock. So I reach down beside me and go to grab this white sock and it's actually the foot of the guy asleep behind me. Who's asleep and I just grabbed his foot and he's asleep and just goes, like, just like wakes up in shock and panic because I've just grabbed his foot in the dark in the plane. I don't know. I've never met this guy before.

So imagine you're asleep in the dark and a stranger just grabs your foot. I piss. Did the sock come off? No. I grabbed it like. Oh, so you didn't pull the end of it and then like pull it off? No, I just grabbed his foot that was encased by the white sock. Was he a scary looking person?

Like was he? Well, he was like leaning back asleep and he just like the stereotypical when you have a nightmare and you're just like and you sit up right away. And then I went to go to say to him, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. But your mouth didn't work. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. But your mouth didn't work. Oh, my God. So I went to say, sorry, I thought that was my daughter's sock. And instead, he just gets woken up.

A stranger grabs his foot. He looks me in the face and I go. And then. Falling out of my face. And it's dark. You're still holding the foot? You haven't let his foot go yet? Ah! So someone is asleep.

Well, they were. They're not anymore. A stranger grabs their foot. They sit up and then the stranger turns around and straight in their face goes. That's what I imagine it's like for people that reckon they've seen Bigfoot. That's what they've seen.

I reckon it's you with the towel in their mouth. And they. So was the guy circumcised? He was now. I just ripped it straight off. Straight off. That's not what I ordered. Gee, it really is different here in premium economy. You really get what you pay for.

Fuck me. Bye. Oh my. So did Bridget wake up to all of this kerfuffle? She just woke up to a kerfuffle and didn't really know what happened. And she goes, what happened? You go. Well, it wasn't until.

And your tongue's like all the way out, like on Scary Movie. I found Mabel's sock and put it back on. And she, cause she, Bridget was incredible on the flight, like an 18 hour flight with a baby. Yeah. It sounds like you both were pretty good. She did most of it. And I just had Mabel for a couple of hours when she was asleep

and to give Bridget like a bit of a chop out. And, and then, so i didn't really get to explain it to her and it wasn't until i was in the car on the way home and i went i don't think i told you i grabbed that guy's foot and bridget fucking pissed herself laughing that is the best story that poor guy yeah and so because we've been traveling for a while we're both in um like we got changed into like tracky dacks dacks. Oh, yeah. Hoodie. And we're both a bit of a sore throat, sounding pretty crook, piercing ourselves laughing.

We're like, let's just get Hungry Jacks, Burger King on the way home. Oh, nice. So Mabel's in the- And are you in the taxi as well? No, no, I'm in the car. I'm driving. Oh, did you leave your car at the airport? Oh, Bridget did when she came over. Oh, I was going, oh, mum, the airport.

Oh, my God. No, we got this, like, long- Oh, I was going, a month at the airport? Oh, my God. Now we've got this like long-term. Oh, a side note, if you book online, way cheaper for parking. Is that the one that you have to get the shuttle? No, where we went to. Oh, yeah. Book online, it's half price. I'll be doing that.

Yeah, I know, right? So anyway, we're driving through on the way home through the drive-through. And I hate to think what the girl who's probably 18 years old working at Burger King she's I reckon she's gone that poor kid her both her parents are stoners they're they're in tracky-dacks on a Tuesday afternoon pissing themselves laughing like just got the giggles and your throats are like yeah and we're so tired and we got the giggles and we get to the thing and bridget for some reason can't pronounce the words whopper without laughing so imagine she goes can i get a woman and then and she's laughing about the side and the girl's like what and then

we pull around to collect the food and she sees the kid in the back and goes oh oh. So sad. Yeah. So sad. And she's talking to the other girl she works with. She goes, yeah, so my dad just flew back from America. Some guy costed him on the plane. Circumcised his foot. Yeah, so sad. So sad. Fuck.

That's such a great story. You got any love to say, Tony? I do. Carissa Costella, our mate Carissa Costella. Oh, Carissa Costella. She sent this through on Patreon. Who we met in New York. We did meet her.

Carissa also, she was the high star. She won the art. She says, hi, guys. I've got to love to see it. My mum works as a physical therapist assistant in a hotel. Today she had a patient who's dying of cancer. Like, so sad. And you would just be around that all the time.

And it would be hard to, like, stay up because you're so heavy at work every day. It'd be hard to leave it at work too. Yeah, like, you'd bring it home, surely. But this guy's having some issues eating and didn't like the hospital food. Fucking fair enough. Fair enough, though. He has a daughter, but she wasn't coming to see him. He couldn't have visitors.

And he told Carissa's mum that he couldn't eat anymore and all he wanted was like some hot and sour wonton soup. One last time, he goes, I'm about to die. All I want is some Chinese food. Yeah. And like, relatable. 100%. And we should talk about this on the show.

Anybody that's listening. The show's on right now. No, no, no. We should talk about this, though. What%. And we should talk about this on the show. Anybody that's listening. The show's on right now. No, no, no. We should talk about this, though. What's your death meal? What's your last meal? I am. Because, oh, I'm going to be gone.

When you're in the zone, a wonton soup will really fucking do me. I love dumplings. Like, oh, so good. Anyway, her mum called and asked Carissa if she could pick something up and drop it off at the hospital. She's like, we've got to make this happen for this guy. So they ended up going to the local Chinese buffet, got him a pint of each of the soups that he wanted

and had it delivered. And Carissa said, my you love to see it is that my mum would do this for someone. Very, very sweet. She doesn't get the recognition she deserves at work for going out of her way to do special things like this for patients. So a big shout out to Sandy Casella.

You love to see that. Love to see that, Sandy. Thanks for doing that for people that are vulnerable. That's fucking lovely. That is lovely. My Nana passed away about a year ago, and one of the ladies who worked at the old, what do you call it, retirement? She was in a facility at the end.

The loveliest lady did everything she could for my nana. So sweet. And she actually came to the funeral. And I just like, isn't that just, like, didn't have to, but she's like, no, like, I spent a lot of time with this person. It was the least I could do. And they're just like, fuck. Makes you feel special as the family as well.

There was a few nurses that looked after mum that like painted her nails for her and came to the funeral also. Like, it was really, really beautiful. Yeah. So thanks, Sandy, for doing that for people. And thanks for sharing that, Carissa. So beautiful. I wish you had a go on second because mine is not as heartfelt as that.

That's all right. My love to see it is the new Squid Games. Hard recommendation. We've been watching it as well. How good is it? It is. Like the real life challenge version. So when we, remember when we talked about Squid Games right at the beginning We've been watching it as well. How good is it? It is. Like the real life challenge version.

So when we, remember when we talked about squids games right at the beginning of the podcast, like OG days. And now it's like a reality show game based on that. They don't play that creepy music enough though. That's my only criticism. Yeah. That's my only criticism of the shows that I wish they played that creepy music. I was saying to Cam in the office earlier, I feel like every reality show now has kind of just morphed into the same thing. It's always just hot people on an island for some different fucking reason.

And the production value, the emotion, like I was so like invested in these people. It was like, oh my God. And because if you have seen Squid's Games, you know how like, they literally die if they, like, fail a thing. In this show. That is quite funny. They're wearing dye packs. And if they die, it pops. And, like, some of the people do get a bit too into the fake death.

And they, like, drop to the floor. Yeah, all dramatic and stuff. And it's, like, this crazy fucking thing. And they've got, like, dye all over their face and stuff. But if you want to settle in and watch a show, it's actually like it's grippy. Like it really drags you in, doesn't it? Every time an episode ends, I'm like, oh, I need to watch the next one. Yeah.

News article about the new Squid Games. Oh, Squid Games, I think it is. Contestants have said it was really stressful and really hard and they didn't like it. Have you seen all those news articles come out? There's like contestants suing them for like bad food and like bad living conditions. Did you watch the fucking TV show? Did you watch the fucking show?

What did you think it was going to be? It's literally, it's like a game of like fucking with your head. Yeah. Like imagine going on fucking Survivor and being like, Ireland's not that nice. Like what the fuck? One star. Betting not provided. Yeah, lots of bugs, lol. You not that nice. Like, what the fuck? One star. Like.

Betting not provided. Yeah, lots of bugs, lol. You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck? It's 4.65 million US dollars. US. Let that fucking sink in. The largest prize ever in a reality show.

Did you think they were just going to hand it out with some fucking popcorn? Like. What did you sign up for? I actually, I'm glad that you bring this up because I read that. And because Torb said to me, he's like, yeah, people like suing them and stuff. I'm like, the show was that they lived in that weird warehouse. And it's fucked. And that the food was fucked because that's Senji Lupi. Like that's, it's the same on Big Brother.

Like they gave them rations and they could only eat rice and beans and stuff to make them fucked. Like you're competing on a show. For 4.65 million. Like. But the person who wins doesn't sue. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's always some hard done by a loser. Yeah. And it's like someone else to blame. Oh, well, the living condition is really hard. I'm like, it's part of the game. How much of a dick is 432? Oh, yeah. 432 can fuck off. Yeah. What a cock2. Oh. Yeah. 4-3-2 can fuck off.

Yeah. What a cockhead. Yeah. Anyway, you gotta watch it because it's... That's my recommendation. I love the 301 and 302,

the mother and son. Same. They're really good and I really want them to win. It would be great if one of them won, I reckon. Do you know her backstory?

That she's an athlete? Ex-athlete? Yeah, and like editor at the New York Times. Like really smart and intelligent. Yeah, she's incredible. Because she talked she's an athlete? Ex-athlete? Yeah, and like editor at the New York Times. Like, really smart and intelligent. Yeah, she's incredible. Because she talked about being an athlete. Over time, they, like,

yeah, you get to know her a bit more. Oh, I mustn't have gotten to that bit yet, but yeah. She's not, like, I mean, don't be fooled by her age, guys. Oh, no, she's, yeah, and her son is a good guy. Good guy. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, sorry, sorry. Hard recommend, though. It is, like, good garbage, yeah. Good guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

Hard recommend, though. It is like good garbage. Yeah, it is. All right, we'll be back tomorrow. See you then. Love you, bye.