Toni and Ryan - Solve This MysterKEY

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

You might not believe this... but Who's The Fuckhead is back. Love ya! Toni xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur, bestselling Dr. Arthur, Tony Lodge, and we are calling Steph, who is in Pacific time in the US. Oh, narrows it down. Yeah, anywhere along there. I love that you didn't commit to a location. I didn't either. Where pacifically in the Pacific are we going? Yeah, we're very, we're very... Oh, hey, Steph. How you doing? Hi. Whereabouts do we find you? It's Tony and Ryan, by the way.

Oh, yeah. Hi. Sorry, I'm really excited. I'm in California. Oh, so you're hot. Yeah, hot girl. Yeah. We know the drill.

I would say probably more temperature-wise, but sure. Oh, that's me constantly. I'm always sweating. This really hot girl. I was like, oh, really? Tell me about it. Yeah, sweating the whole time. Yeah, she had COVID.

Temperature. She had a fever. Well, hot girl Steph from California. Yeah, I'd say everyone's pretty hot. Yeah, exactly right. Hot girl Steph from California, will you approve this podcast? Yes, I approve. Hot Girl Steph from California, will you approve this podcast? Yes, I approve. Woo-hoo!

Hey, it's Steph, Hot Girl from California, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. Welcome. Keyless entry, keyless cars, like you don't need the ignition anymore. Oh, keyless. Yes, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Car too much innovation. Car too much.

Too much. They've gone too far. Keyless driving is a disaster waiting to happen. And I have a disaster that I've been experiencing, and I'll share that with you today. Oh, I mean, my immediate stress, I think, is obvious. Which is? Well, that, you know, you lose the keys,

but you don't know that you've lost them. Yep. Okay. And if anyone in Collingwood has seen the keys in my car. I'm looking for the Volkswagen Golf. That would be fantastic. But do you ever think that like. First of all, let me tell you right there.

I've thought about everything. Every day for my whole life. I'm never not overthinking something. I think there was a time maybe five years after the iPhone came out. Yeah. That I kind of went, I reckon technology could probably stop there. Do we really need? But I think this is a good spot just to stop.

And you know how phones got smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and then they went bigger and bigger and bigger? And now it's cool to have a bigger phone, like to have the iPhone fucking 46X Max. But tablets aren't that popular. So where is the gap between having a 46 iPhone Max and an iPad Pro or fucking whatever? Yeah, who knows?

But imagine, though, like you pick up your iPad and you're like, hello. Oh, that's my mum. Yeah, or taking a photo with it. Taking the photo and you add a ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching. Maybe the iPad will also be your car keys. So my car, you can set it up. I haven't done this because it scares me. But you can set up the app to, like, be your keys for your car.

Oh, I see. No, yeah. And you can set up, like, a perimeter. And if your car gets driven, say if I lent my car to someone that I didn't trust. Some hypothetical theory. Yeah, say that maybe that happened. And they were like, oh, yeah, I'm just literally driving it down the road for something.

But then they drove to Sydney and I had like a perimeter thing. It will like ping me. Well, it will ping me and be like, this car is going out of your approved zone. Yeah, it's gone too far. And you can like lock the car with my phone and turn it on and stuff. But I haven't set that up because I don't really know. I don't really understand.

Because then what if someone hacked my phone and then could they also hack my car? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like. That's what I'm saying. It's gone too far. I don't get it.

It's gone too far. Yeah. Sorry. We'll get to that soon. Sorry. Sorry. But welcome to a video show. You can watch this on Spotify as well as listen.

I'm not going to say controversially. I'm going to say a pleasant surprise. It is an honour and a privilege to present the return of Who's the Fuckhead. I'm really proud of you for this. Thank you. Australia's favourite new podcast segment, Who's the Fuckhead? I'm really proud of you for this. Thank you. Australia's favourite new podcast segment, Who's the Fuckhead? Here's how it works. You say, I think this, my partner thinks that, who's the fuckhead?

And we all can decide together who's the fuckhead. And it is not to be confused with normal or nah, completely different to that, which is good to know. And thank you for backing me up on that. Caitlin Sims thinks classic Italian pizza is the best pizza. Caitlin Sims' partner thinks Domino's is the elite, top tier, cannot get better pizza. Which one is right and which one is the fuckhead?

Oh. This is really hard for me because there's a time and place for all types of pizza. I think it's an incomplete set up. Me too because I think that Tony Lodge would like to offer into a third option for this conversation New York-style pizza. Oh. Like a big slice.

A big slice, yeah. Like American-style pizza. I just think there's missing information and here's the information I need to know. Am I hungover? Great question. Am I eating alone on the couch? Yeah.

Yeah, is the wife away? Is the wife away? I've ordered a little dummy. Am I eating alone on the couch? Yeah. Yeah, is the wife away? Is the wife away? I've ordered a little dummy. Am I tired and grumpy? Do you need chicken bits? Because the chicken bits from Domino's are fucking unmatched. Yeah, and you don't get chicken bits from an Italian place. No, you don't.

See, this is the thing about a wood-fired Italian pizza. It doesn't come with any stuff. Is arancini ball not stuff? But, like, you never- Is a garlic bread not stuff? But you don't always- Is a waiter you can't understand not stuff? But, like, sometimes when you do a dummy, you want the shit that comes with it.

Yeah. Or there's a place not too far from us. It's called Sal's. Yeah. And that's, like, a New York kind of style pizza place. And they do, like, pepperoni wheels and like mozzarella sticks and like garlic knots. It's like a dough knot and it's just like garlic butter

and it's fucking cum. I tell you what I love when you go to like a Domino's and you know how they do like a cheesy garlic bread? And this sums up Domino's. I go, what sort of cheese is it? And the guy goes, cheese. Yeah. Love that.

Great. Non-descript cheese offering. Do you know what I can't go past at a Domino's? You can tell I'm obviously hungry. Cheesy stuffed crust. Put a fucking fork in me. I'm actually done. That will fuck me in the ass any day.

Honestly, a stuffed cheesy crust, I would do anything for that. There's actually not a lot I wouldn't do for a cheesy stuffed crust. Am I hungover? Am I alone on the couch? If you answered yes to either of those two questions, Caitlin Sims is a fuckhead, her boyfriend is right, and the Domino's is the correct. However, am I trying to impress someone?

Will I be seen eating the pizza? Great question. Do I plan on not hating myself in four hours time? Do I not want diarrhea? If you've answered yes to any of those questions, the classic Italian is the answer for you. And the boyfriend's the fuckhead. Yeah, and Caitlin Sims is right.

Are we all in agreement that we've found some common ground here? Yeah, I agree. I totally agree. Sorry, we talked about pizza and a dog has lost the plot. They wouldn't be able to hear that, would they? There's a dog outside the studio doing its nut because it's heard pizza and cheesy strips and it's all revved up. Yeah, and fair enough because same.

All right, here's another one. In winter, Amy's partner likes to wear only socks and jocks around the house and stay warm by cranking the heater to 32 degrees. Amy thinks her partner should put some fucking clothes on so they can stop wasting so much money on the heating bill, especially during a cost of living crisis. Yeah, because he lives. Which one of them is right and which one is the fuckhead?

The boyfriend's the fuckhead, hands down. Correct. I actually don't like the feeling of the heat from a heater. It makes me feel really dry. Yeah. Like having the heater on for me is like I would rather avoid it, not just because of how much it fucking costs. We had ours on for a couple of like probably a month straight

while it was really cold here. Just didn't think about it, just didn't turn it off. And we got our fucking power bill and I was like, oh, beep, turn that bad boy off. I think it was like $300. For a month? Yeah, and our electricity is normally like 90 for the month. Like it was like very extravagant power bill.

Did you have what they now call bill shock? I did have bill shock. I did. But Pippa was happy. I bet she was. She was fine. I bet she was. And I was like, yeah, we're going to buy you a jumper, sweetheart.

Yeah, you're going to have a jumper and a few more blankets. You're going to have a dog hoodie. No, but I think we've both come in and you're like, oh, have you got like a bit of hay fever? You sound a bit stuffy. I'm like, no, I think it's the dry air. Yeah. And I would a million percent, I would take an uddi or a cosy blanket on the couch a million times before I would pick

putting the heater on. Here's one for you. Is there different kinds of just wearing underwear around the house? Like, for instance, Amy. Yeah. Hot girl energy. Say she's, like, wearing some sexy little underwear and it's, like, whatever. Okay.

Is that a little bit different to, like, the boyfriend's got his socks and jocks on? You know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean. There's this Seinfeld episode where his girlfriend likes doing things naked and his friends are like, oh, how sexy. Like she's doing her hair and she's like naked and then he's like, yeah, but she was like cleaning the floor. See, there's different kinds of like.

Of naked, yeah. So when Torb's, if he's cleaning our bathroom, he like cleans the shower naked. I think it's pretty. While he's showering, yeah. So when Torb's, if he's cleaning our bathroom, he like cleans the shower naked. I think it's pretty. While he's showering, yeah. Yeah, because you kind of do that and the water's on and whatever. And that's a pretty different naked to how I feel when I like see him naked and we're like on here, you know, on a Sunday afternoon.

It's a different vibe. So when I see the words socks and jocks, it doesn't kind of, you know. Even though imagining like Torb's in socks and jocks yeah it doesn't kind of yeah you know even though imagining like torbs in socks and jocks because he was just like lounging around the house i kind of find that hot because i'm like you're comfy do you know what i mean like comfy because he hasn't seen the fucking heating bill yeah then we'll say he's comfy but you know what i mean there's like something about like holy underwear and being like lounging around and being like, oh, I'm just really comfortable with you. I think that's hot.

That is hot. That is hot. The theory, the vibe. Yeah, the vibe is hot. Last one. This is from Lily Rose. Hi, Lily Rose. My partner thinks sneezing really loudly eight times in a row

in public is totally fine and dandy. I, and everyone else in earshot, think he's a fuckhead. Tony and Ryan, can you confirm my boyfriend is the fuckhead or should I become more lenient? I'm torn on this because when you've got a sneeze, you've got to sneeze. Like you actually have to let it go. He's not choosing to sneeze eight times.

Do you remember at school when like if you did the wrong thing, you'd get like a pink slip or a yellow slip or whatever and it was like a warning or a detention or something? No, and this explains a lot about you, but continue. What do you mean? Because you, like, terrified of doing the wrong thing. Oh, and it's like... And it's no wonder.

What, you couldn't sneeze at school without getting written up? So, yeah. This is why you are the way you are. Yeah, actually. Your school has damaged you. It's my trauma. So once I was in year six, I remember it like clear as day. Yeah.

And I sneezed in class. Yeah. Oh, my God. What? Wow. Pink slip, rider up, cam. Oh, double detention. How did that happen?

One more time and you'll be expelled. And I was in class and I sneezed. Yeah. And it was like that, like a... What is happening to our show? What the fuck is going on? Every time you say the word... You have to...

So don't say that word. Don't say... Tony. Actually, I'm not even putting that on. How would you do that? How would you do that? Anyway, and I sneezed in class and Mrs. Pietra Piccolo, she was like, Tony, sneeze like that again and you'll get a yellow slip.

And everyone knows that sneezes come in like twos or threes. Yeah. So I'm sitting there like my eyes are fucking like my nose like streaming. And I sneezed and I got a yellow slip. I think, what was her name again? Mrs. Pietra Piccolo. Pietra Piccolo. And she had a green BMW.

That is comedy from her because she knows that people sneeze into a car. Yeah, I'm like, you're literally, like, backing me into a corner here. So next time someone sneezes once, she goes, sneeze again, give me a million dollars. Yeah. If you sneeze, you're a fuckhead. So because of my past sneeze-based trauma, I want to say the boyfriend isn't a fuckhead because if you're sneezing,

you've got to let it go. But I've said this on the show before. I've said it many times and I'll say it again. Over three, like you're just begging for attention. Yeah. If you just keep sneezing, I'm not going to give you a million bless yous. I don't have time for that. I believe you said with venom you get one.

Yeah, like I think like if I go, oh, you've sneezed three times, I'll give you one bless you. If you keep going, like you're on your own. Yeah, then you're the fuckhead. Yeah. Hey, this is Steph, hot girl from California, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon.

Daniel Anderson, thank you so much. Melanie B. Excuse me. Scary spot. Excuse me. Scary spot. Excuse me. Excuse me. Rowena Godman, thank you so much. Annie. Eric the Whovian.

Oh, like from The Grinch. And Dahlia Doom. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. And all the names flow along the bottom on the Chiron. I learned that that's called. Chiron? Chiron. I didn't know that either.

Yeah, Chiron, like the CEO of ARN. No, he the Chiron. I learned that that's called. Chiron? Chiron. I didn't know that either. Yeah, Chiron, like the CEO of ARN. No, he says Chiron. That's funny though. No, but it is pronounced. It's Chiron. It's Chiron. What did you say originally? Chiron.

Nah. Close. Yeah. Pretty close. Anyway, yeah, if you're a Patreon, your name will roll on the bottom on the Kieron Davis. Because of the uptick in Patreonions since the livestream, do we have to up the speed of the iron? Oh, and get it flicking right around.

We actually can do that, but it makes you feel really seasick. It does. Because our video guy, Franco, who sets that up for us, he said, oh, Tony, we can make it go a bit quicker, and I felt like I was going to throw up. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so I don't think it's a good call. And I felt like I was going to throw up. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so I don't think it's a good call. Good call. It's a good idea, but it doesn't really work.

But in execution, no. Yeah, but thank you so much to all of our Patreons. We do, obviously, we have like the live marathon live stream, but we do live streams for our champion tapas each month. Yep. And we also, I have a blog each week. Oh, sorry, something's happening. I have an idea for a live stream.

What is it? And everyone who comes on the live stream with me, we're doing an art heist. Libby Haynes. Yeah. I'll explain more in Patreon, but the next, it's not just watching a live stream. It's a fucking heist and we're stealing artwork.

Libby Haynes. Don't fucking out. Hibby Lant. Yes. So this is like, hey, what's that movie with Moonraker? Is it like Ocean's 12? Moonraker? The moon fox.

Moon fox. White fox. Moon fox. I don't know what you're saying. It'll be like Ocean's 12 but on a live stream and we're all going to steal a piece of art together. Why did you say Moonwalker if it's Oceans 12? Because I think that's the name of the bad guy, the French guy.

Moonraker. No, that's Moonraker's James Bond. That's Oceans 13. Oh, okay. I think that's the third one. When they're in Europe. I think that's the third one because the first one's Vegas, the second one's... Or is the second one Europe?

It's the one with Julia Roberts playing Julia Roberts. Yeah. Is it Night Fox? Night Fox. Yep, that's what I said. Moonraker. Moonraker. Where'd you get that from? That playing Julia Roberts. Yeah. Is it Night Fox? Night Fox. Yep, that's what I said. Moonraker. Moonraker. Where'd you get that from?

That's James Bond. Yeah. Oh, Moonraker. Do they do that? Because don't they? That's Goldfinger. Fuck! Cars are getting too fancy.

Yep. Keyless entry, keyless driving. Disaster waiting to happen. Actually, it's not waiting to happen. Disaster's happening. Last week, Torbs and I watched all three Cars movies, the Disney movies, and they are pretty good. They hold up, all three of them.

All three? Yeah, all three. We watched like one a day. Like at night time, we were just like, oh, what should we pop on? And like Jules was like, oh, like fuck, we just put something on. Does Cars 1 and 2 leave you on a cliffhanger? So you have to watch the next one? No.

No, it was my choice. Okay. Yeah. It's a bit like a hangover three. Like the third one doesn't really come back around the way that the first two do. Okay. By then they're just cashing in. Yeah.

But, I mean, unfair enough. You would too, wouldn't you? You know, if you were Bradley Cooper, you'd go, let's do a third one. Let's do a third. I've got a mortgage. Yeah. Got a couple of kids. A mortgage.

Probably fucking 12 houses around the world. Yeah, Bradley Cooper would have a few houses. He's a fucking hottie, but I don't think he'd be nice in real life. Do you reckon? Oh, is he nice? I had friends bump into him at Glastonbury when he was filming A Star Is Born concert scenes and he asked them all their names and asked them what they did and chatted with them

and took a selfie with them and kept the selfie and just had a great time. Oh, that's really nice to hear actually. Never meet your heroes but apparently you can if it's Bradley Cooper. There's these old videos online. I think it's like the artist studio or the actor's studio or something where he's like a young actor coming up. Are you all right?

Do you need to take a moment? I just was laughing at my own joke and then I was like, what happened? Yeah. Sorry. So there's these old videos around. What are you doing? Yeah. Tony just put on a I'm going to pretend to be concentrating face

and it's just, it's not subtle. Stop doing that. So it's like they're interviewing, say it's like Al Pacino. Stop. I look like one of those bobblehead dogs. Yeah. You actually do, except more cute, obviously. So they're on stage and it's like Robert De Niro,

some famous actor, and they've got all these young up-and-coming actors who are like at theatre school or at university and they're like, oh, so how did you prepare for this and can you give some advice on that? That's fun. I love it when they do shit like that. But one of the young kids in the crowd is a young Bradley Cooper. And so it's crazy watching it back now and going, oh, my God, that's him. And what I really appreciate is that you can tell he's not like,

he's not in acting for the, like, he's not fucking around. He wants to be the best actor he can be. He's passionate about acting. The art. The craft. Yeah. And he's like saying, oh, so with this, did you think about that or did you have to consider that?

And you kind of go, oh, A, good on you, and B, like, no wonder. You've done well. And you know when people do those kinds of things, like in that situation, people go, oh, I don't want to bother Robert De Niro, right? He would have loved that. Yeah, absolutely. And looking back on that going, Bradley Cooper was in the audience. He'd probably think that's really fucking cool.

Whenever people are, and obviously I'm not fucking calling myself Robert De Niro. Hang on a second. No, no, no. Tony De Niro. No, don't not fucking calling myself Robert De Niro. Oh, hang on a second. Hang on a second. No, no, no, no. Tony De Niro. No, don't. No, okay. De Niro.

I'm not going to say anything about the car. De Niro Lodge. When young up-and-coming Bradley Coopers ask you for advice. But whenever people ask me, like talk to me about like my career or like being working as a podcaster or, you know, how we started our business, which we now have. I love it. Like I actually really like it and we've done a few panels and stuff with Spotify and people ask questions.

It's actually really nice that people care about what you do and that they're passionate because I remember being the person in the crowd and wanting to ask the questions, you know. It's like nice then when people go like, I respect what you do. It's really cool. Yeah. I think most people would just think that they would be like, fuck, I've got to do this thing.

But it's nice. If you were Robert De Niro, would you- Which I am. Would it be De Niro Lodge, Robert De Tony? Robert Tony-ero, I think. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Good to know.

So cars are getting too fancy. Cars, fucking one, two, and three. My God. Owen Wilson was also in that lecture. He didn't take as much on. So I get to, the three of us met up to have lunch the other day. Yep. And I drove to this cafe and I get into the cafe and I'm like,

I don't have any idea where my key is. Anxiety town. But I do know that I drove here. Yep. So you knew where the car was. Yep. You knew where you were. Yep.

But the keys were stuck in some high impedance air gap somewhere that we don't know. But they had to be in the car somewhere, right? Because usually it would flash up and say like, oh, we can't find your key. So question. Yeah. If you can do keyless start, say if, like, the keys were on the roof of the car or, like, in the garage when you turned your thing on and then you drove away, does the car just,

like, stop or does it yell at you? I've had something click and go, it's out of range, but it doesn't stop. But then once you stop, you can't start. Oh. So I drive to have breakfast with you guys and I don't know where my keys are. Yeah. And so I didn't lock the door because I'm like, I'm just going to leave it out the front of the cafe because I don't know where the keys are.

If I lock it. We were sitting in the cafe like this. Yeah, keeping an eye on the car. And so I get back to the car. I get in the car. I push the ignition button and the engine starts. Oh, so you're like, they're obviously in the car somewhere. And that's where you go, yeah, I don't know exactly where they are, but they've got to be someplace.

Because the ignition switch. Well, everything's somewhere. Yeah, everything's got to be someplace. But I was like, got to be someplace close enough for the car to go, yep, the keys are in the area. So at this point are you thinking maybe they've fallen down – Down the back. They're in a glove box.

They're under the seat. Like nowhere zone next – between the seat and the glove box. The valley of unknowns. Yeah, and like – Mini and Nugget, a fry. The glove box. The Valley of Unknowns. Yeah. Mini a nugget, a fry.

I've actually dropped a phone down there once and didn't find it for three months. It was in my mum's car. Three months. Three months. I got a new phone because it fell down and my dad- You should have had a tile. Oh, great. It's in the car.

Thanks for letting me know. And my dad went under the seat, couldn't find it. Literally, it was gone. Did your dad come back? He fell down there and it was gone, like literally three months, just no sign of it. And then one day mum like pulled up at the red light and it just slid from out of the chair.

That's so annoying. Yeah, but like. Did you go to Telstra and go, oh, can I have a refund? Well, I think I was probably 16 or 17 and probably just really pumped that I'd gotten a new phone. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, oh, no, it's gone.

Yeah. But, like, I don't know what happens down there. Is there, like, a little bunyip that, like, lives under there? There must be. And I'll hold your phone and go- Eat your nuggets, eat your fries. You can tell I eat a lot of nuggets in the car. Yeah.

Yeah. What's going on in your place? So I'm driving home and I'm not concerned because light the phone. I'm like, well, it's just somewhere. The bunyip's got it. Yeah. Whatever. The bunyip's got it.

That's a really cute phrase that we should definitely bring in. And then I was like, I'll get some milk and bread on the way home. Yeah. For the bunyip. For the bunyip. And I stop at the shops and it goes, dude, key not detected. No. Yeah. and I stop at the shops and it goes, dude, key not detected. No! Yeah.

So somewhere between the cafe and getting back to my local shops, the keys, so I reckon I must have left the keys on the roof of the car. Yeah, and then they've slid off but the car's already gone. But that must have mean the keys stayed on the roof from my house to get to the cafe in the first place. Because I didn't have them the whole way in. No, because you would have looked on the roof. Maybe what happened is they fell out of the door as you got, maybe they were like in your lap or something. They fell out of the door, like under the car. So that's why you could start it

again. But then as you drove off, like, the keys were just under the car? That's what I figured. So because the cafe was near Cam's house, I called him and said, can you go back to where my car was? This is all part of the story. I don't know. It's thrilling, isn't it? It's like Cars 3.

It's a bit more thrilling than Cars 3. Thank you. They do go to Japan. Thank you. They go to Japan in Cars 3. Oh, they've got a new personality. Yeah, I'm in the movie. So I send Cam down there and I said, mate.

God, you're really making your wage, mate, aren't you? Yeah, this is really strange, but here's where I'm at with the keys. I can't understand how it's possible that they're not just sitting on the ground because they're falling out of the door or off the roof or something. Cam goes down there, no keys. No keys to be found. And not that I didn't trust Cam. I'm just saying, he didn't go.

Did you go? I went. He didn't go. I reckon he was at home and he goes, cool, I'll set a timer for about 17. I'll set a timer for about 15 minutes. Five to walk, five to look, five to walk back. And then I'll call him back and go, oh, mate, sorry, I'm a bit puffed because I just walked back.

Yeah, there's no keys down there. He didn't go. There's no fucking way I'm calling bullshit on that. So not that I didn't trust Cam. You went back. I went back. Oh, fuck. I love that we both immediately thought the same thing.

That's very good. No, I think Bridget was getting her nails done or something, so I dropped her off at the store. In Richmond? Yeah, so I dropped her off at the store. And then went to Collingwood. Then in Richmond and Collingwood next to each other. And you've got a 45-minute window, and I was like, oh,

and Mabel loves the car. Yeah, so you're like driving around is no problem, eh? Yeah, so I'll just go back and do a blockie. And then so I parked in a spot and. Question. Yeah, so you're like driving around is no problem anyway. So I'll just go back and do a blocky. So I parked in a spot and Question. How was the car working? Different car. Oh, you had to do a backup car? Yeah. Oh, that's no good. Okay. Must be nice

though. The backup car for when you needed Yeah. You know? Well, it's nice having a couple where both of them have driver's license. Yeah. We have no need for two cars. If I had two cars that would be nice because that would mean them had driver's licence. We have no need for two cars. If I had two cars, that would be nice because that would mean I had personally two cars. But, yeah, so I couldn't find the keys there. Yep.

I couldn't find the keys in Eltham. They weren't in the jacket pocket and I still, there is no, I still don't know what has happened. What? Oh, this is like watching that fucking Zodiac movie. Yep. Are you serious? You still don't know where has happened. What? Oh, this is like watching that fucking Zodiac movie. Yeah. Are you serious? You still don't know where they are?

No. So we're currently using. A spare key. The only spare key. So now you've got no spare spare. Yeah. But then if we lose that one. Because I was scared of stopping the car and getting stuck someplace.

Well, yeah. Or like I know that it's on a manual, but like imagine if you were driving and you stalled the car. Yeah. And you're at the lights and getting stuck someplace. Well, yeah. Or like I know that it's on a manual, but like imagine if you were driving and you stalled the car and you're at the lights and you're like, yeah, and I don't have the keys, guys. This is it. People are like, oh, mate, have you broken down? You go, no, I just lost my keys and I stalled the car. Like, fuck it.

I'm a dickhead, yeah. So I would like people in the episode thread to put their theories in place because if it wasn't at the cafe, then how did I get there and how did I leave there? If it wasn't at home, then how did it start when I was at the cafe? I think, though, if you, like, dropped your keys, say if I was on a walk, going for a walk, like I had people with me or something and I saw keys on the ground, I'd probably pick them up

and take them to the police station. Should I go to the police? Oh, so not that I've got form, but I, for the other car, also lost the keys one day at Bizzle B at the bagel place. That's right. And I went to the police station and I go, I don't know if I should share this information. So I go to the police station and I go, oh, I've lost my-

Oh, maybe don't say that because I know what you're going to say. Actually, that's fine. Okay. I go, I've lost my keys and the guy goes, oh, I've lost my- Oh, maybe don't say that because I know what you're going to say. Actually, that's fine. Okay. I go, I've lost my keys. And the guy goes, oh, okay. Leans down under the front desk of the- And pulls up like a shoebox. Yeah, like a tub.

With about 30 different pairs of keys. He goes, any of them yours? And I kind of rifled through them and went, no. And he goes, okay. And I go, what if they were? It's a good system. Yeah, so, I mean, anyone can just go down to the police station, ask for the key thing and just like, and then just walk around going,

da-da, da-da. And hope that one of them opens a Ferrari door around the corner. I mean, don't. Don't do that. That would be incredibly inappropriate. Incredibly. Tony, you love to see it? I do.

I have a real wholesome one from Ian Farr. Ian, are you fucking kidding me? Oh, I saw this and I think it's controversial. Oh, I think it's really nice because personally I would be subject to this. Please. Ian, are you fucking kidding, went to Bunnings for a sausage sizzle. So Bunnings in Australia is like a big warehouse, like an indoor, outdoor hardware store.

And they have a sausage sizzle out the front and they do like fundraising and stuff. And Ian says, I walked up and said, good morning. Can I please get a sausage sizzle and a solo? And the bloke said, absolutely. And that's a good morning price for you. And he got 50 cents off. Because he said good morning and was polite about it.

Yeah. And Ian says, not only is being friendly absolutely free, it can sometimes save you money. There you go. Isn't that good? Though, it is for charity. Yeah, yeah. Like it's fundraising. Like community groups and stuff.

Yeah. So you have just stolen from the local girl guides. You know, or the hockey club or something. Here's my issue with the statement, and I don't know if this is because Ian, are you fucking kidding me, is not from Australia. I think it might be a cultural problem. You don't...

A sausage sizzle is the event. You don't order a sausage sizzle. Oh. So he walks up and goes, I'll get a sausage sizzle, thank you. Oh, I see what you're saying, but you wouldn't just say sausage because then they'd probably go, do you want bread as well? Yeah, can I have a sausage and bread? Well, if you say I'd have a sausage, they'll put it in bread.

The default would be bread. But I don't think you'd ever order a sausage sizzle. No. It's like going to McDonald's and going, can I have a McDonald's, please? Okay, let's break this down. So if you said, like, I'm having a sausage sizzle. That means you're, like, hosting one. Yeah. No, no, no, like, I'm having a sausage sizzle. That means you're, like, hosting one. Yeah.

No, no, no. I hear that. So I'm having a sausage sizzle. Oh, I went to a sausage sizzle. Oh, I got a sausage sizzle. Yeah, you wouldn't say that. No. You do a sausage sizzle.

You don't have one. That's because he's a foreigner that flew here. He's from Manchester. Yeah. And he was in Brisbane. He flew here. We grew here. That's not good, is it?

That's a great point. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on that. Can we please put that in the episode today? Because then what would you call it? Can I get a sausage? What would you order? I'm a bunny. Yeah, I'm literally trying to put myself.

That's the sizzling, by the way. Hi, how are you going? Good, thank you. Good morning. That's 50 cents off. 50 cents off. Oh, can I please grab? Yeah, I'll grab Good morning. That's 50 cents off. 50 cents off. Oh, can I please grab... Yeah, I'll grab a sausage sizzle.

I would say sausage sizzle. I've never thought about it. I think I would. Can I please get a sausage? Because if you go, can I please get a sausage in bread? That's just... That's obvious. Of course you're going to get a sausage in bread because you're at sausage sizzle.

Yeah, and that's the... Oh, no. Drama has ensued. The screens don't like that. The screen's gone. You know what? It is a fucking Sausage Sizzle. Thank you very much.

I'll turn this one off again as well. Like, if someone said, can I have a Sausage Sizzle, I'd be like, are you going to steal the barbecue? Like, are you ordering the whole thing? So what would you say? You'd say sausage and bread. Sausage and bread with no onion and a solo, thanks. Where's the sauces at?

So then would you just say, can I please get one of the combos with a solo? Because that's often they do like a drink and sausage combo. I wouldn't say combo. Fuck. Sausage and bread. I think I would say a sausage. Can I please get a sausage sizzle?

Or just one with onion. One without onion. Yeah, number it. Yeah, just two thanks. Two thanks. Yeah, can I grab two sausages? Oh, yeah. Let us know.

Yeah. Let us know. That's really thrown me for a loop on this Friday day. Yeah. Tony, let me send you a picture, and you just bought... I don't have my phone. Oh, you don't have your phone. Let me send you...

Oh, good catch. That fucking turned me on, yep. You just bought one of these. Maybe not the exact model, but... What did I just buy? I buy a lot of shit. What have I just sent you? What are you seeing there? I'm a lot of shit. What have I just sent you? What are you seeing there?

Uh, I'm not seeing anything yet. Pause. Ooh! Air mattress. Blow-up mattress. This blow-up mattress has received a review of zero stars. Oh! Actually, sorry, one out of five stars.

Sometimes that's the lowest you can go. Okay. I don't know. Here's the review. Beds should look like beds. I ordered this when I was high because I thought it was a giant ice cream sandwich. It does look like an ice cream sandwich. It's a bed and not the $150 ice cream sandwich I wanted.

One star out of five. Oh, I mean, if we're playing Who's the fuckhead, what ice cream sandwich costs $150? Well, I assume an elite one. He's probably going, fuck, imagine how good this must be. It's $150. It does kind of look like it, though, eh? It does look like it. It's got like what you would imagine be the brown chocolate biscuit.

Yep. Then the white middle. It does look like a chocolate sandwich, an ice cream sandwich. Fuck, how good's an ice cream sandwich? Can we go get one? Yeah, let's get it. And a sausage sizzle? Yep.

No. No. You said yep. No, you said let's go to a sausage sizzle. No, I said let's get one and a sausage sizzle. I'll get a sausage sizzle. I'll get a barbecue and a little tent. Yeah, I'd love to set up a sausage sizzle.

Sweet. All right, well, on Monday, it's the Tony and Ryan podcast versus clickbait. Dun, dun. All right. We'll chat to you then. Love you. Bye.