Toni and Ryan - Solving the 12 Month Mystery

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] NORMAL or NAH - LAST DAYS FOR CALENDARS! - Beep mystery - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Breaking up with a guy over a hanky. Fucking normal. Take that hanky and go fuck yourself with it. Sorry, man. I'm Hayden from Cambridge in the UK. I'm Mary from Sydney, Australia. Hi, I'm Vanessa in Colorado. I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the show. We're doing a podcast. Which way will we go? We're going to the show. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, best-selling author, Dr. Tony Lodge. Hello.

We're going to do normal or nah. And one of the statements from someone who listened to this show has said, I now know what it feels. like to be Torbs, Tony's fiancée. Okay. And I want... Are you very tall and handsome? That's good.

But as we go through these normal or nars, I want you to guess if like, oh, this is the one. Oh, okay. Yep, yeah, yeah. I like that. Because they've said normal or nah, da, da, da, da, da, da. Now I know what it's like being torbs. Ooh, I like this. And you can play along as you listen.

So it's normal or nah, but also a quiz. Normal or nah or torps. Oh. Normal or nor and or torps. Normal or nobes. Wouldn't torbs be so different if his name was norses? Yes. You there, Tony?

Oh, nice nubs, eh? Do you think? As soon as we just said nors, you know, what came into my mind, what I pictured, noddy, like that little elf? Yeah. Is he an elf? The little elf in the red, didn't you? I think you're thinking of Santa's little helpers.

Is noddy or? was he a gnome what's naughty isn't he just a guy Google naughty Charles N O D-D-D-Y I know it's before you time N-O-D-Y

you ain't got an alabar you're naughty you're naughty That's good Who's a naughty boy It says is Nottie and elf Good gracious no

Noddy is a wooden toy Oh Good gracious no Is that your chat JV-T or Midge you like that's a great GEOGYN GEM and I just got some fucking

How gracious, though. Google Gemini I turned 90 over the weekend and fucking, oh. He's just little. He's just little. Just a wooden little boy. That's not what he looks like Charles back in our day. That's new noddy. That's modern knotty.

Modern naughty. But anyway, so when you just said nobs, that's like pictured, yeah. Okay. I certainly didn't picture my handsome boyfriend. Tapa Katie has a normal one now. That's up, Katie. Forgetting to talk. The irony.

Tell me about it. The irony. Forgetting to talk. Forgetting how to talk to adults after maternity leave. Oh my God. After 11 months at home with a baby. Sorry. Spoiler.

Not Tobs. Tobs is not recently given birth. To my knowledge. I finally, so she's on maternity. new leave but there's like a staff party and they're like hey like you're part of the crew like like if you want to come in like I love that and like reintegrate you into yeah well I think one of the colleagues have been there for 10 years and was retiring or something so he's having a big farewell drinks and like hey come on in yeah and um and another one of the guys like he's been

he's left and there's something going on at home and whatever and so she's heard the office gossip oh so she's heard the gossip while she's been off yeah but also at the party like oh I've heard about this other guy yeah yeah yeah but of course she has hasn't been speaking to adults. So she's kind of forgot how to be a decent human. Yep. She goes up to that guy. The guy she's heard the gossip about.

Yeah. First mistake. Hey, how you been? What hurt more? Losing your work husband who's leaving? Or your real life divorce. Oh, Sarah. Oh, Sarah.

He laughed. thank God, but I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Turns out when you... I love it when people swallow me whole. That one storms. Sorry. Turns out if you spend a year talking to a 10-month-old, you lose all filter of how to talk with adults.

Absolutely. Yeah. And you're watching like kids TV and, yeah, totally. And I would like to take this opportunity to ask any other tarpers to, in today's thread, what have you said when you've been in childland? I'm going to call it childland. Yeah. For too long and you forgot how to talk to adults.

What did you do? Yep. Not Torbs, that one. Ta-Pajama. Yep. Having a mental breakdown at an Aldi checkout. Normal. But I don't think that's Torbs.

It's not Torbs. Every week I do the smart thing and I shop at Aldi. It's smart because it's cheaper, but it's crazy until the checkout. It's too stressful. The cashier starts fleeing groceries around like they're in Olympics. Well, I have to panically try. and bag the stuff as fast as they're flinging it. It's so stressful.

By the end of it, I'm puffed days and questioning my life choices. Is this supermarket anxiety normal or nah? Fucking 1,000% normal. The thing about Aldi as well is that then the people that work there stand there smugly and are like, can you pay? And I'm like, well, do you want me to bag the stuff or do you? Like, you can't ask me to do two things at once. You are watching me furiously trying to bag my stuff.

My eggs are broken. my bread is smush My milk is starting to leak And it's turned over And it's supposed to be A horizontal liquid No, it's supposed to be a vertical liquid I don't think

Milk is not a horizontal Liquid It should not be horizontal I didn't think Liquids had directions Milk should not be laid down What about when you get back To your beautiful new fridge

And the door's full Yeah Like because you've still got a bit of milk From last time Yeah Then will you lay it down Until it's ready No

No never I never lay a milk down ever and I've always said that I never lay a milk down it's absolutely egregious you know what I would do I would take anything else out first my new fridge actually has the top shelf you can slide it back into itself

so you could stand a milk up on the second shelf don't you hate when you're trying to close the door and you're just like knock it and shit over yeah I also find that milk goes off faster in the door than it does in the actual fridge because it copse the like temporary air first. No, this is a real thing. Is this like Tony theory? No, no, no, this is

a real thing. And the other thing that makes milk go off faster is if you say it's like in the door of the free door, wherever, and you put like a warm water bottle. Oh, the warmth of that will like... Yeah, because it leeches the cool out and that makes your milk go off faster.

That's real thing. I'm like not fucking you. That's a real thing. That's a shame. I'd love you to fuck me. Anyway, though, the ALDI thing, absolutely. They see you fighting for your life then they're like, yep, check savings or credit, bitch. Yeah. Like, fuck you.

Take you shit. I don't fucking care. Give me some money. I like Aldi. I think the stuff is quirky in there, but that's too stressful. Vanessa has a normal one arm. I, Vanessa. Narrating your farts.

Not torbs. Incorrect. Oh. After every fart, my husband gives a review. Oh, wet one. Ooh, squeaky one. Oh, that had bass. Yeah, nice.

Now I know what Torbs must feel like living with a sound engineer. Oh my God, no, I pictured Torbs narrating the fart. That's where it put me in my mind. No, she's like, this is what it must be like to live with a sound engineer. That is so funny. Yeah, a bit more bags on that one. Sometimes I do a fart and I'll narrate. it though that's real life and I'll go oh did you hear that that sounded like an old man's fart

because you know when sometimes you do one that just sounds like an old man's what's the difference between a regular and an old man because you know sometimes just like or like a little whatever but sometimes you do the old man like really you know when you do a fart like a squeaky part like that and it's like an old man's fart shout out to the old men watching today cool uh finally tarpa ash breaking up with a guy over a hanky fucking normal take that hanky and go fuck yourself with it

I once I once dated a lovely older man Oh and he did weird farts Yeah how did he fart Ash is the real question That's what we need to know Ash said she was having a moment And was like I had a few tears Yeah

And then this old guy pulls out His monograms hankerchief To kind of wipe the tear from her eyes. And she was like, I get that you're being a gentleman, but if you put that hanky anywhere near my fucking face, I'm going to kick you in the scrotum. I find a hanky to be the strangest thing to occur. Same.

And like, I know that these days it's like, yeah, we're all for reusable shit. No. A hanky to me is just like. Tony hates turtles. It's, I do love them, but I'd love a plastic straw. You know what I mean? But like a hanky, like, the way that I would like to put it, I think, is that like during my life, like day to day, I don't need a tissue very often, except for when I'm sick.

It's one of your great qualities. And so when I need a tissue, it's because I'm sick and I wouldn't want that fucking sitting in my pocket. No. Because you do one big honk while you're sick and you, you're not reusing that. R-I-H, rest in hanky. Yes. But like, do you know what I mean?

I know, I get it. Because if you do a- I'm going to carry around that mucus filled fucking piece of cloth in my pocket all day. You do a big hoagy into that. So I go, sorry, man, have you got any change for 20? And you put your hand in and just give them a handful of mucus. I'm just a...

Yeah, have this changed. It's just... Sorry. Sorry. Change this. And it's just like a damp cloth in your pocket. It's so. Oh, fuck.

My dad used to roll a hanky, and he'd, like, wipe my face and I could feel the wetness of it. Oh, rot. Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, I bet he did old man fucks as well. Yeah. He did.

Aren't dad fart's the worst. Yeah. And I do them now. Are you a dad father now? Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like they got worse the second Mabel was born? Like, she comes into the world and it's just like, that's Mabel.

Then you just go, boom. And you do your dad fart. There is a bit of that. Yeah. But one thing, my daughter, Mabel is quite. smart she now knows because she pulled her first finger the other day and she didn't like it very good yeah and but I thought it was hilarious and Bridget goes Ryan and Mabel's like oh I don't know about that and now I'm like hey Mabel pull my

finger and she's like mm-mm like I know what happened last oh hang on you did a pull my finger to her yeah oh no I hate that I thought you meant you did like a oh no I've got one of those yeah that was awesome she goes do you know where my dummies and I think I said I think it's down the side of the couch. I put my arm. What an idiot. Yeah. Her or me?

Both. Yeah. I'm Hayden from Cambridge in the UK. I'm Mary from Sydney, Australia. Hi, I'm Vanessa in Colorado. And you're listening to Tony and mine. I'm a massive shout-up to a few of our champion tapers over at our Patreon. Thank you very much for being part of it.

We absolutely love to see it. Will Coxon, there she will. Cara Frey, good on you, Cara, Jennifer Moran, Jared Vecchio, love you, Jared, Ryan Smart. Yeah, he is. Andrew Schultz and Natalie. Thank you very much being part of the Patreon. The Andrew Schultz?

I believe so, yeah. And this weekend is the cutoff for if you would like to get a calendar. If you would like a Tony and Ryan, 2026 calendar, you have, what, 48 hours to become a champion tapper at our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. when it closes off, which is a Saturday night or something like that, yeah, it gets locked away. Yeah. All the names done and dusted.

Then the day after or so, you're going to get an email saying, here's your code to get your calendar. It'll have like a price on it, but then we give you the code which like is free. Wipes it out. Shipping is also free. Shipping's free. Click the box if you want to be a chance to be the golden ticket tapper. You got to tick that box.

Yeah, because legal chat, you have to check that so that we can like, enter you. Yeah. Well, well. I don't know if legal Lily is going to like that. Yeah, she's not going to like that at all. Because I always check you and then let you enter. Well, I check that box quite regularly.

And then someone, whoever is the golden thing. I'm just, I'm so, I'm concentrating so hard. I'm not thinking about entering Tony's box. That's actually so nice because I feel like now we're off. And I feel like we're back on now because I were talking about entering me. Yeah, back where we belong. Yeah, don't you think? So, yeah.

Is it because in the first part of this episode, you were thinking about Torbs too much and it threw you? Yeah, it's just so hard to bone someone's fiancé when the fiancé is there. No, I totally do. It just takes the fucking, you know. Is that the hard thing about me working from home while I had my broken leg? Well, there was a few times where we crossed paths in the driveway. Yeah.

And I'm like, do you high five? Yeah. And I always run out what the neighbors think. Oh, they know. Like, sometimes, because, like, Torbs would leap and then Ryan would get there. Yeah. And, like, every day. I think they know.

I'm like, oh, my God, it looks so salacious. Well, there is another salacious thing going on in my street at the moment, actually. In, and it's Halloween tomorrow. So in a tale that I'm calling, what was the bee? Oh, Halloween tale. Beef or beef? Beep, per. Oh.

Peppa, per, but, like, too, pit this drama and you're like, what's the beef? Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, where's the piece? Like that video. Anyway, um, so yeah, what's the beep? What's the beep? I'm out of the spookiness just to theme it up. It's not really that spooky, but it is fucking annoying. Okay. And yeah, thank you, Charles. So, I've lived in my house, right? For two years in November. I know. I'm just putting it down gently. Um, sorry, I've put the iPad down. It's safe. We're fine. I've lived you in my house for two years in November. Hasn't that fucking flown by but also if you told me that I'd live there for 10 years I'd also believe that

yeah um feels like you to tony house it is I love our house I like yeah I can't imagine living anywhere else like I really love it I've got you a present to celebrate your two years have you are the Birkenstock still in there no no I wore those bad boys home the other day yeah no no not get no not give opportunity for Lily to take though yeah she's one size smaller than me. Not that we're keeping tabs, but... No, well, because, um... It's not a competition.

No, it's not a competition at all, but like, because we've talked about it, because she tried on some shoes for me and were like, they're a bit big for me, they're perfect. Like, that's how we knew. Yeah. Like, it's perfect. Anyway, I've lived in my house for two years and I reckon for about one year, there has been mysterious beeping at the house. Where?

And I mean, well... Wouldn't you like to know. goes the last place you look well there has just been this beep and like it would come for like a week and then it would kind of go away and then it would come back for a couple of days and then it would go away and then it would come back for three weeks and it would just like non-stop beeping i asked you yesterday if you had a ghost story no i know and you said no well just fucking you wait Anyway, so, and when I say beep, I'm going to recreate the beep just with my mouth. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

That was actually exactly what it sounds like, eh? That's ruled out a few of my theories. I thought if the ghost had a Tamagotchi. Oh, yeah, and it just seemed to be fed. Do you know what I mean? That would be more of a, like, do you know, but this is a very like a specific clear. yeah loud even loud yeah loud beep and we'd kind of heard it and we were like what the fuck is that and you'd kind of like it would start to fade into the background a little bit

and you'd forget about it and then one day it'd just hit you or like the TV would be off and you'd hear it in the background and then you just couldn't unhear it and so it's been going off for a year like I'm like no shit 12 months and we were just like what the fuck is this sound. Anyway, we've never talked to anybody about it because we were like, like, it just doesn't, like, how do you bring that up with a neighbor? Like, it just, it was just so weird. How do you not bring this up with the best friend?

How have you been surviving through the trauma of being beeped out for a year and I haven't heard about it? Honestly, like, I think it's just because I got so used to it that it just started like drilling a hole in my fucking brain. And I think I went a bit brain dead in the area that the beep was in. because I've just heard this beep for so long that's crawled into my brain like a...

It's just become a part of you. Like a bug and died. Like, it's just awful. Anyway... Is this what the movie Parasites about? I haven't seen it. Oh, you'd like it. Oh.

Except for the beep part. Because you just said, is that what this is about and... No, I've seen it. Oh, okay. I feel like the parasite is a metaphor for the beeping. No, so true. Yeah.

Now, and you'll watch it and you go, and I'll go, I lived it. I get it. Well, I lived it. Yeah. In fact, you don't need to watch it. Yeah, no, I've seen it. Yeah.

I'll wait for Parasite 2. Anyway, so, um, Parasite 2, the buggining. Um, anyway, uh, back to the buggining. It's a prequel. Anyway, so this beeping's been going on right for no fucking shit one year. And I,

what? Two para, two side. The too fast, too furious of the Paraside bench. Parasite cubed That's the third one Beep para beep site Return of the beeping A trilogy of bugs

Parasite 3 Parasite 3D Parasite B You can feel the bug in you That's the part of it Anyway no parasites aside So No fucking shit 12 months

And I haven't really spend that much time in the house during the day by myself because like I'm here at the office with you guys whatever anyway and then obviously since having a broken leg I've been in the house fucking non-stop and um we actually got like so across the road from us and over there's like two houses in a row um that are like renters live there like it's not or not occupied or whatever and it just so happened they both houses like new tenants moved in at the same time and they got added to our group like our group chat for the street i mentioned to bridget that your street has a group chat the other day and she was

like mortified what do you mean just was like what like she just couldn't get her head around the fact that a street would have a group chat it's actually really handy well i've heard lots of examples of how convenient it is or just a bit of an update or this and that like it makes sense but it just Bridget was just like, so dumbfounded. We were surprised when we moved in that there was one. Like, because it, like, we didn't start it. Like, it existed when we moved. Like, if you joined Patreon, you would, you joined the existing group chat.

I guess it's a similar scenario. Exactly. But, like, so when we moved. Do you get a calendar with the street or? Not a lot of perks. But, like, one of the guys down the road, like, this is a few weeks ago, he's like, oh, we got a new compost bin. Does anyone want our old one?

It's pretty new. Like, things like that. Like it's kind of handy or, but anyway, it ended up getting, being handy because these two households end up getting added to the group chat and they go, hey, so what's that beeping about? And I go, finally, because you've been there too long. It's been like, like, two years later. And also because I was like, well, it doesn't really, like, it's annoying, but doesn't really matter. I think it matters. You've got a right to live in a beep free zone.

You're not on the bad side of Reservoir. You're on the good side and you deserve not to be beeped at. Thank you. I appreciate that. But anyway, so the group chat has come in handy because anyway, like, and there's a couple of other people that are like, hey, I haven't actually ever heard that beep until now. So, thanks for that.

Yeah, thanks for breaking the glass on that one. And so they go, like, this is how long has it been going on? And all of us kind of go, a year? Out of nowhere. Oh, you know, moved in in 1974. Literally. The beep started about 82. You know.

And we've never been the same since. Have you seen it to be Paris time? Yeah. Anyway, so we're all like, pretty similar actually. Everyone kind of chimes in and goes about a year. Yeah. And they go, well, what the fuck are you doing?

Why hasn't anyone fixed this? And fair. And so fair. Anyway, these two new people that have just moved in, like two separate households. But the like representative from each house goes, well, we need to fix it. And we went, oh, yeah, if you want. It kind of sounds. like um stockholm syndrome where do you know what that it's like when you're uh held hostage

or capping yeah and so i feel like we fell in love with the beep yeah it's like at first you were a bit annoying but now if you get rid of it you're like i kind of miss that guy you go god remember that song we used to play yeah well it would be like beep beep yeah i miss it i feel like at the end of the second movie like the beep could be removed and the third movie starts with like gee we miss that beep having around you know just things aren't quite the same since that beep the ambiance of the be yeah and then it's like the return of the in you know we got to get a pan so you're saying that after a year you're kind of warming to the beep it's not about warming to it but I think I just started to like just accept it that's what happens in stockham syndrome you just go well

this is my scenario now well so I was the step before loving the beep I think but like just kind of got used to it anyway And then so they're like, we need to stop this. Like, they're like, our kids, like, one of their kids' bedrooms is like in the front of the house. Like, it's waking our kid up. Like, what the fuck? Why has no one done anything about this? Anyway, so they call, um, AGL.

I was like, who do you call? Yeah. So they go, is it a power company. So they call AGL. They call power shop. They call fucking Victorian electricity origin power. You know, like all the power companies. They have.

they had all of these power companies come out and look at this power pole because we go, it's got to be something. And when you look at the top of the pole, you go, there's a lot going on up there. Like it must be. They call these power companies. Some of them send texts out.

Some of them don't. But the texts all come out and they go, all of our stuff up there is looking good. Like that beep's not coming from us. And they're like, but can you hear it? And they go, yeah,

that's pretty annoying. And we go, okay. And we go, okay, not just us. Yeah. Yep. A professional has agreed.

They call, Telstra, Dodo, NBN, they call all of these tech, this has literally been in the last three weeks, like this is all very recent. They send out all of these texts for all of these different internet providers. All of them come up with nothing. They all go, not like we can't see anything, like, whatever. And then the beep kind of goes away for a day and everyone stops talking about it. Then the beep starts again.

Then you wake up and in the WhatsApp group, oh, beeping started again. Who can we call next? Like, who can we try next? Has there been any, like, so when there's been big bangs near our building, Lily and Charles went on an expedition, and they were, like, walking around trying to, like, follow the bangs to figure out where it came from. Yeah.

Has there been any, like, follow the beeps? Yeah. And then where do you end up? Well, that's where we, that's how we ended up at the pole. Gotcha. And then looking at the pole, you go, well, there's so much. It feels like it's here somewhere. Because there's, like, little boxes and, like, all those cables.

So you go, like, oh, is there a box up there that, like, is beeping because it needs something like it's like lost its connection or you know like something like that's terrifying especially around Halloween I just can't be this is like the I know anyway so how have you been staying sane no through this ordeal so the other day like Charles happened to get to my house to record and he was like are you okay and I was like oh there's just this beeping it's just started getting he goes what beeping and literally we were recording an episode and he looked at me and I went beef and he'd gotten to Charles I haven't heard it it's all like once Tony pointed out it's all I could hear once you hear it's all you

point it out to me so it's like spring at the moment so like there's fucking there's like you know the um nature strip like so it's like the footpath and then the nature strip and that's like where the um pole is yeah and so like one fucking last ditch attempt they call another power company or something these guys have like done the lord's work they're like doing all his admin i was like you know what i'd rather live with the beep than call someone so like if you want to do that fucking knock yourself back we made our call 12 months ago we've stuck with it and this is fine yeah yeah and we bought here so we're going to die here with the beep um and this tech comes out and he goes oh i'm actually just going to have to clear out um a bit like there was like

fucking overgrown grass whatever yeah he's like i'm going to have to clear out a bit of this grass to like get my ladder in and they go okay yeah that's fine they go to clear out the grass in the grass at the bottom of this pole not up the pole is a smoke detector that someone has thrown onto the verge and it's just in the long grass yeah and it obviously the battery within it is going flat and they last forever like they're designed to yeah yeah and so it's just beeping because it's low battery and it's not connected to the mains for no fucking shit one year now this sounds like an annoying story but i think this story is a victory for the strength of batteries in smoke alarms oh my god i knew i like sponsors were you impressed or annoyed

Do you know what was your... I was just like, there's no way that that's what it was. Whose was it? Well, I have no idea. I'm guessing that someone's done like a verge side collection or maybe renovated a house at some point and chucked it out, checked it all the stuff out and it's just gotten lost in there. Was it yours? No, well, I mean, we haven't renovated anything since we've, like, we haven't.

Have you got smoke alarms in your house? Yeah. Have they beep? Yeah, they beep every time we cook. I was going to say, you're like, no, we know a smoke alarm. I was like, yeah, I think it's out of the front. Yeah. And so this whole time, it's been a fucking smoke alarm on the sidewalk.

For 12 months. 12, one year. And so who, I've got to show you the photo. And so is it the power guy? He's like trimmed the verge and just gone, um, you don't reckon it's that, do you? Like, that's literally exactly what happened. So I'm going to show you. Was the whole street embarrassed?

Like what's that first message in the group tag going, Ah, so you're not going to believe it. So look at this. Mystery solved. And that's one of my neighbours that's like out the front, holding the smoke alarm. And he's like pumping his air in the fist. It's pumping his fist in the air.

That is long grass. I can see how it can fit. Do you see that corner? Do you see that corner there? That's quite far from my house. Yeah, yours on the other side that way, yeah? And we could hear it very. clearly.

Oh, so the people in that house, they're getting fucked up by it. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, that neighbor's good looking, didn't he?

Wouldn't know? Wouldn't you? But so. You just sent this little photo to the group chat and you're like, excuse me. Okay. What house are you going to get and take to?

Yeah, what number are you in? You don't need your pool clean, do you? Yeah, you don't need anything. I could come around with a cup of flour or something.

I'll show you a beep. They come around. Mystery solved. Found the smoke detector hidden in the grass. And everybody is just like as if that's um, someone said you're a legend can't believe how many different companies

we've had out here looking must have been out there at least six times looking myself because people were just going out there being like we need to find like what is it Tony I'm just crazy I think have you sent this story to like

the local paper no should we this has got local paper written all over it we send them this episode And that photo Well I don't have authority to share the photo Messed Jim

Put in the group chat Go guys I'm actually chatting to What's the local paper Is it like the Darabin Fucking city newsletter or something Yeah You know how they used to be the local leader newspapers Local what

Leader was the brand But like there was an Altham paper And there was a this and all the suburbs Back in the days They probably don't exist as much Well the one that we You know how I recently was in the Rolleystone courier Yeah like that thing

I don't think there's a resolution one but we do get the Darabin City news but that's but that's like just the council that's like the community gardens open from three to five that's what I'm talking about the commute what is it called again the Darabin the Darabin City newsletter or something whoever's in charge of the Darabin City newsletter they're so dry for content I wonder if anyone's listening from the Darabin City Council and we could we could bus this right open imagine this they're like oh it's a victory for our street new parks opened oh there's a planning permit for a tennis court And then suddenly you opened it up and it goes,

A local mystery on the good side of reservoir solved by attractive man in group chat. I mean, if I saw that headline. Yeah, you're opening that. You're opening that. You're watching that video till the end. That's what I mean. Yeah, 1,000%. I think this is just the start.

Oh, hang on. Hello, Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. The movie rights. Yeah, the movie rights. To be parasite. To what's the beep?

What's the beep? Yeah, so isn't that crazy? A fucking old smoke detector on the grass. That is insane. For one year. We've been terrorised by that fucking thing for a year. Now, the sound of a, just to like dot my eyes and cross my tease here. Yep.

The beep of a low battery is different to the beep of fire, right? Totally. Yeah. Good. Because you know how like now you hear a car alarm, how often you go off and you go off and you go, someone's car alarm. Yeah. And you don't think my car has been stolen?

No, you just think someone set it off. Because I'm going like, if there's a fire and everyone in your street goes, oh, that fucking beep again. It's just that beep again. Yeah, but old Doris next door is fucking burnt to and Chris. Oh, very sad. Terrible way to go. Yeah, sorry, Dolores.

Yeah. Poor bitch. Miss her. We used to go to the CWA together. I've got a love to see here. And it's fucking absolutely beautiful. This is from Kelly. Thank you very much for sending this, Kelly.

Kelly says, I have such good news. My sister Cassidy just had her first baby. Yeah. Congratulations. She was in labour for hours and ended up having a C-section. My nephew was born 10 pounds, which is a big bubba. Big bubba. Big for your puss.

That's a general puss destroyer, if ever I've heard one. Is that the kid's name? General Pust Destroyer. Kelly says, this is just this. Sorry, but let's just forget we said general Puss Destroyer and just enjoy this moment. This is actually really beautiful and I think like there are so many parts of being a sister. And this is like actually what it's all about. Kelly says, I'm so proud of her.

She's amazing. Like that is just so beautiful. Are you going to cry? I just love it. I think you're allowed to cry because when you hear mine, you're going to really go for it. So let's just get in the zone. Let's be happy and have pride tears. Okay.

I'm so proud of her. She's amazing. She's a fellow tapper. It would mean the world to her if you could give her a shout out. Well, Cassidy, fucking congratulations. Congratulations, Cassidy. And Kelly says, I'm so happy to join Tony in the cool auntie club. That is nice.

Being an auntie is awesome. I will say, like, I love being, like, I love my nieces and nephews. I love Mabes. Like, introduced Mabel to someone the other day as my niece. And it rolled off the tongue perfectly. It did. It was just beautiful. And thanks to that because it was like a family only kind of thing.

It was kind of random. And so Tony. And I was like, oh, this is my niece, Mabel. Yeah, and they went, oh, okay, well, family only. And we're like, yep. Do you reckon that people thought we were brother and sister? Until I started. Do you think that people, as anyone's ever thought we were brother and sister?

No, because we're dead. When we're on the road, yeah. And I was going to say, she probably thought that until I started fingering you. But. She goes, they do it weird in their family. You know, shake ante been, you know, yeah, chuck one in. Yeah. Did you two between siblings.

I haven't come in a while. Yeah. Might as well. I think when we travel together, we, we, probably get thought of as a couple. Well, they always think that at the hotel. They always think that two separate rooms is a mistake. Oh, sorry, it seems you've got two rooms booked here.

And we go, yeah, yeah, no, that's what we're after. And they go, oh, we're so sorry, Mr and Mrs. Dunn, we'll change that. We go, no, no, no. We like to sleep in our own beds. We fuck in just the one, though. I'm going to clean bed and a dirty bed. Madeline has a... Dirty?

Is it dirty? Oh, Lily and I stayed in an Airbnb the other day And because the work... I get it, you guys went on a fucking trip together The work Airbnb is like your Airbnb again. Yeah, I know.

And you know what you used that account to book Like your own personal trip the other day? Yeah. But you're coming with me for a part of it. I am. It's for a, we're going for a wedding And I'm looking after Mab's way at the wedding. Yeah, and I get this thing... I'll pay you back.

As if that's ever going to fucking happen. It was just the account. Yeah. You know, you just click buy an hour and stuff happens. I'm sorry, my figure. No, I know how that happens for you. Yeah. Because every week it's like, who bought this on the car and Ryan goes,

oh, no, that's just me buying fuel. Oh, oh no, that's just me buying T-shirts. Oh, no, that was me just shopping at Cotton on the other day because I was at Channel 7 and the bargain bin on the way back always gets me. Madeline Williams has your love to see it. Hi, Madeline. I also think I'm out car-reading this. Okay.

I read like the first sentence and a half yesterday and I was like, I'm going to read that on my love to see it. I'm just going to. Oh, so you haven't proofread it. So the end could be anything. Madeline Williams has a normal or no. Hi, Madeline. It's not a normal one now, though.

Madeline Williams has a lot to see it. You're all right, mate. No, I'm rattled. I'm rattled. Yeah. It's the beep. It's got to me. The beep sends everyone crazy.

Yeah. My dad who passed away when I was 16 years old, he passed away from a heart attack so poor thing fuck that fuck that right off he was a big blood donor and donated most of his life

and he actually received a medal for making over 500 donations in his life holy shit no one or he died he had no blood fucking left oh my god

cause of death empty of blood fucking squeeze like a juice box yep I'm sorry such a fish Oh, Madeline, I'm so sorry. Every time Madeline thinks of her father from now on, she's going to think of a little

I'm so sorry. Little box of apple juice squeezed in the... Ribina, might be closer. I'm 25 and have had a few physical and mental health struggles, but I've been working hard to manage my health and now I've got to the point where I'm eligible to give blood. Because you need to, you know, sort of be in a certain condition to be able to contribute. I just hit my 10th blood and plasma. a donation and I've just signed up as a stem cell donor.

Holy shit. I've received a badge from the Australian Red Cross. Life like to celebrate my milestone as 10 donations and I couldn't wear it more proudly. That's amazing. Knowing I'd be making my dad proud and I'm helping people across the world. That's awesome. Doesn't that just...

Good on you, Madeline. That's really selfless. Yeah. To, you know, Charles actually donated plasma the other day. Because isn't plasma a tricky one? Like, you've got to be there for a while. Is it quite painful, Charles, or no? No, like, it's pretty good.

Like, it takes about, like, 50 minutes. Or it depends on, like, how old you are. Like, my dad, he takes, like, over an hour, like an hour, 10. I take about 50. So how long would it take me? Probably, I'm going to say, like, 55, maybe. Did you get hooked up with, like, do they still do, like, the smoothies and the cookies and the...

They do, like, milkshakes and stuff. Yeah. And then, like, there's, like, the, like, sausage rolls and party party pies and stuff. I think it's really nice, Charles, to hear you say, like, it didn't really hurt that much, because I reckon that would be most people's biggest fear would be the pain of it.

I'm a bit soft when it comes to needles and stuff. Like, even, like, watching Mabel get a flu, I have to, like, look away. Yeah. I mean, I don't, the pain is not the thing for me. I can't watch it, like, go in or anything. But I also, like, I'm covered in tattoos. Like, but I've been so scared to give blood.

Like, do you know what I mean? So I would really like to do it though But that's like really inspired me Even when Charles said to me before We were talking about it and he was like yeah I don't have love last week I was like I've got to fucking go and do that Bridge used to do it all the time She was like bros with the milkshake guy

She's like oh Lenny had some lime today That's so sweet And you know that lime flavouring that goes in a milkshake Yeah They don't have that at all of them The Sydney one that I used to do it at They had lime but the one are here Oh Sydney's about the Melbourne we get it

Maybe what we've got to do is find Melbourne's best hookup for blood donations. Like maybe we, maybe we've got to get actually all Melbourne tarpers. Inspired by Madeline. Inspired by Madeline and Madeline's juice box dad. Yeah. We have to get every Melbourne tarpa to tell us what blood donation place has the best hookup of shit. And so we're talking snacks and drinks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the one that we'll go to. Yeah. But we'll find out from all the tarpers and we'll go to the one with the best shit do you have a request oh i'll go first i am a sucker for a sausage roll i am like a savoury snack yeah that really gets me but what would tip me off the oh go ahead charlie i also have gluten-free like sausage rolls and party pies that's very like vegan like they have like a at least the one that i went to like they've got a wide variety of stuff what my favorite thing

to do is get gluten-free sausage rolls feel good about myself and coat it in not gluten-free tomato sauce. Is gluten? Does tomatoes have gluten in it? Yeah. And barbecue sauce full of gluten and like even like onions and garlics and shit that like Fod mat people are great. And I'm like, oh, I'm so great and having gluten free look at me.

And then I'm just like, yeah. What will get me over the line? And this is a fucking wild card. Honeycomb flavored milkshakes fucking rule. Have you said that because you saw my honeycomb flavored protein shake in the fridge? No. Oh, that's so funny because literally I've got one sitting in there. Who's protein shake?

in the fridge? It's mine. Is there two straws? We'll go sip for sip. Yeah. Um, yeah, like a super shape. Like, yeah. Um, you know what would also really win me over?

A slice of pizza. Or like a toasted sandwich. Yeah, they're actually doing donations at Domino's at the moment. I would do it. Dominoes and the Red Cross should get together. The collab we've all been waiting for. Could you imagine? But yeah, so if every Tapa, every Melbourne Tapa,

let us know where you donate blood and where has the best who'll up and that's one that we'll go to. I'm hoping I'm eligible. Why wouldn't you be? Because of my skin medication. Oh, of course. Because I have to have those injections. I wonder if that.

Yeah, we'd probably ask beforehand. We have to ask. Okay, here's something I'm willing to say to you. Yeah. If you... I'd like to fucking use all you weren't willing to say to me. Like, my house is dirty. That was freely offered.

It didn't ask permission for that one, did I? It's been straight on in. Yeah. Probably should have, though, in hindsight. That was my right foot just over one. I didn't smash my broken foot on the floor. That's a bit funny. Why don't I re-break my ankle?

Why don't I break my fucking foot again? If you can find a place that does a honeycomb milkshake. Yeah. I will personally go and buy you pizza from the local pizza place to make your pizza dreams happen. That's good. So I'll go down and then I'll go first. Yeah. Have my shake.

Then as you go in, I'll whip down to the pizza joint. And then when you walk back out, you'll walk. out of that donation and straight into a ham and pineapple. With stuff crust? Fuck, yeah. Fuck. Because you medically... That's giving me a juicy pussy.

Medically, you need that stuff crust to replenish the blood you've just given. Oh my God, 1000%. Yeah. Yeah. Matlund's dad. And if it wasn't from... I think he might have gone sooner. Yeah, I don't think it was with a heart attack.

I've got a heart condition. You know what will help? Stuff. Cheesy. stuff from dominoes like come on um anyway yeah let us know the best places yeah and that wouldn't be this all wouldn't be possible without madeline first of all doing it and then be sharing it incredibly yeah and i your dad would be so fucking proud of you for doing that it obviously meant a lot to him my mom used heaps of donated blood like while she was sick like she had

multiple blood transfusions yeah um you don't realize how much they go through until you're sort of yeah because you kind of go oh well if people are donating surely that's fine but it's like to do a transfusion you use more than one donation yeah so it's like it's like when you get a like it goes down for what so last year on october 17th uh in coughs harbor there was a partnership between Australian Red Cross and dominoes where they gave uh free pizza and garlic bread uh if you donated plasma coffes harbor well call me a big banana because let's go to Coffs Harbour. Hilarious.

I've always called you a big banana. Please tell me that Coffs Harbour is the place with the big banana. Yeah. Thank God because wouldn't advice sound like a fuckhead. I just trusted you. I put like, I said it with confidence. I said it with confidence.

And you said it so fast as well. How amazing that that awesome collab we just came up with has already happened. But you know what I would love for us to come up with an idea that hasn't already been done. That hasn't already been done. Okay. Who do we want to collab with? Instead, Gizmani Gomez. Fuck yeah, bitch.

There's a Gizmani Gomez opening in Altham. Rest in fucking peace. Oh, you're going to die. I know. Fucking. In this time next year, it'll be the Tony and Gomez podcast because I'm going to be so full of GYG. There's going to be barbecue sauce coming out of my bay. And just like coming out of your eyes, like a Play-Doh hairdresser.

The Red Cross is going to reject my body. blood because it'll just be garlic. It's just full of salsa. Sorry, sir. Your blood to salsa ratio is way off. It starts going into the bag. It's just pumping out salsa. I feel like, we've literally never seen this before.

We can safely say this is the first time this has happened. It's like, oh man, telling you really bad. You're just jizzing sound cream. All right. So if I'm ever heaven forbid in the need of. of a transfusion they go oh

Ryan's been in a car crash he needs a salsa transfusion does anyone have a match Has anyone

dominated GYG in the last 24 hours and come in and can donate some salsa and as Tony said

it's a blend they need from multiple people yeah yeah because you got that apos

yeah oh have you heard that joke yeah should I say again yeah yeah

Yeah. So. You have my permission? Wrap it up, Bart, because we got to go. So, um, my, when my grandpa was dying, um, we didn't know his blood type. Um, yeah, so we couldn't give him blood to help him live. Oh, no. And as he was about to die, he's just such a, a great spirit.

He just said, really, his final words would just be positive. Oh, and you have to be. Positive. Have you not heard that before, Charles? Oh, Charles, and you've never listened to this fucking podcast before. I reckon Ryan's told that joke on this podcast this year. No, no, I actually told that joke on the podcast before Charles was born. This year?

This year in March. Yeah, so. All right, love you. And everyone, just remember. Be positive. Be positive. Do you know what blood type you got? This is how it came up last time that I didn't know what blood type I was.

I should have asked the hospital to check when I'm a surgery. Surely they would have fucking. When you donate blood after the first time they text you what blood type you are. I'll just do that. Why don't you call your doctor on the personal line? He'll tell you. Ryan. Right.

Just read it off the business card. Read it off the business card. That was taught you in confidence. Hey, just be positive. That was stalled to incompetence. Yeah, but I've out of everyone this week. Sorry, Lily, about the ball thing. What ball thing?

She curls into a ball when she goes under a wave. Oh, yeah. You're picking your toes. Sorry, it's gross. It's gross. You upset? Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Love you. Bye. Bye. A lot of edits in that line.